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The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert Quotes

The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert is a television show that debuted in 1970 . The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert stopped airing in 1970.

It features Al Clark, and Michael Hamlyn as producer, Guy Gross in charge of musical score, and Brian J. Breheny as head of cinematography.

The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert is recorded in English and originally aired in Australia. Each episode of The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert is 103 minutes long. The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert is distributed by Gramercy Pictures.

The cast includes: Terence Stamp as Bernadette, Guy Pearce as Felicia, Hugo Weaving as Tick, Bill Hunter as Bob, Ken Radley as Frank, Mark Holmes as Benji, Hugo Weaving as Mitzi, Julia Cortez as Cynthia, Sarah Chadwick as Marion, and Stephan Elliott as Doctor.

The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert Quotes

Terence Stamp as Bernadette

  • (Terence Stamp) "How long is the run?"
  • (Hugo Weaving) "Four weeks. Equity minimum, two shows a night, accommodation included."
  • (Terence Stamp) "Hello. Could I please have a Stoli and tonic, a Bloody Mary and a lime daiquiri, please?"
  • (Shirley) "Well. Look what the cat dragged in. What have we got here, eh? A couple of showgirls, have we? Where did you ladies come in from? Uranus?"
  • (Terence Stamp) "Could I please have a Stoli --"
  • (Shirley) "No. Ya can't have. Ya can't have nothing. We've got nothing here for people like you. Nothin'."
  • (Terence Stamp) "You've got to be fucking joking."
  • (Terence Stamp) "That's just what this country needs: a cock in a frock on a rock."
  • (Terence Stamp) "Now listen here, you mullet. Why don't you just light your tampon, and blow your box apart? Because it's the only bang you're ever gonna get, sweetheart."
  • (Terence Stamp) "It's funny. We all sit around mindlessly slagging off that vile stink-hole of a city. But in its own strange way, it takes care of us. I don't know if that ugly wall of suburbia's been put there to stop them getting in, or us getting out. Come on. Don't let it drag you down. Let it toughen you up. I can only fight because I've learnt to. Being a man one day and a woman the next isn't an easy thing to do."
  • (Terence Stamp) "You got us into this, Anthony Belrose. And I suggest you start thinking about how to get us back, or I don't fancy your chances of ever trying being a husband again."
  • (Terence Stamp) "Ladies, start your engines."
  • (Terence Stamp) "Oh. Uh, gather around girls, uh, let me show you a trick. You, um, drink the Gin --"
  • (Terence Stamp) "Aaah. Uh, fill the bottle up with water and then put it back in the fridge."
  • (Hugo Weaving) "Va-t'en vous. What about the scotch?"
  • (Terence Stamp) "Aha. That's where the complimentary tea bags come in handy."
  • (Terence Stamp) "We've only recently discovered that young Anthony here, bats for both teams."
  • (Hugo Weaving) "I do not."
  • (Guy Pearce) "Oh, so we're straight?"
  • (Hugo Weaving) "No."
  • (Guy Pearce) "Oh, we're not. So we're a donut puncher, after all?"
  • (Hugo Weaving) "No."
  • (Guy Pearce) "Then what the hell are we?"
  • (Hugo Weaving) "I don't fuckin' know."
  • (Terence Stamp) "What a nice dog. What's it's name?"
  • (Bill Hunter) "Herpes. If she's good, she'll heal."
  • (Terence Stamp) "Oh, that's a novel idea. Let's stuff ourselves to death. Imagine the headlines: "Whales Beach Themselves In The Outback". "Mystery Bum Sticks Dead In Drag"."
  • (Terence Stamp) "One more push, I'm gonna to smack his face so hard he'll have to stick his toothbrush up his arse to clean his teeth."
  • (Terence Stamp) "Tony, Adam. This is Mr. and Mrs. Spencer."
  • (Hugo Weaving) "Hello."
  • (Guy Pearce) "Hello."
  • (Guy Pearce) "No, wait. Stop. Shit.."
  • (Terence Stamp) "At least the bump on your head is bigger than your prick."
  • (Terence Stamp) "I've said it before, and I'll say it again: "No more fucking ABBA.""
  • (Terence Stamp) "Don't "Darling", me, Darling. Look at you. You've got a face like a cat's arse."
  • (Terence Stamp) "Do tell us your hilarious joke."
  • (Terence Stamp) "Stop flexing your muscles, you big pile of budgie turd. I'm sure your mates will be much more impressed if you just go back to the pub and fuck a couple of pigs on the bar."
  • (Bill Hunter) "Bernadette, please."
  • (Ken Radley) "Bernadette? Well I'll be darned. The whole circus is in town. Well I suppose you wanna fuck too do you? Come on Bernadette, come and fuck me. That's it. Come on. Come and fuck me. Come on. Fuck me."
  • (Terence Stamp) "There, now you're fucked."
  • (Terence Stamp) "Believe me, Bob, these days gentlemen are an endangered species. Unlike bloody drag queens who just keep breeding like rabbits."
  • (Terence Stamp) "No, I'll join this conversation on the proviso that we stop bitching about people, talking about wigs, dresses, bust sizes, penises, drugs, night clubs, and bloody Abba."
  • (Hugo Weaving) "Doesn't give us much to talk about then, does it?"
  • (Terence Stamp) "Subtle."
  • (Hugo Weaving) "Oh, tack-a-rama. Who the hell does all the painting around here?"
  • (Terence Stamp) "Someone with no arms or right foot, by the look of things."

Guy Pearce as Felicia

  • (Guy Pearce) "So -- All dolled up and nowhere to go."
  • (Guy Pearce) "Mowing those lawns must have been murder on your heels, though."
  • (Guy Pearce) "Oh, you can't do that with a ping pong ball."
  • (Guy Pearce) "The only life I saw for the last million miles were the hypnotized bunnies. Most of them are now wedged in the tires."
  • (Guy Pearce) "Oh, for goodness sakes, get down off that crucifix. Someone needs the wood."
  • (Guy Pearce) "Are you Okay? --"
  • (Guy Pearce) "Oh that was fucking charming, you gutless pack of dickheads."
  • (Guy Pearce) "Hey, can you confirm a rumor for me? Is it true that her real name is Ralph?"
  • (Guy Pearce) "Congratulations, Missy, my darling, you did it. One lap of the Broken Hill main drag, in drag. That'll teach you to take on the Fairmont Boys School snap champion."
  • (Guy Pearce) "Who wants to see my map of Tasmania?"
  • (Guy Pearce) "I mean who is the fish that runs this bloody hotel in the middle of nowhere, anyway? Your mother?"
  • (Hugo Weaving) "No, my wife."
  • (Guy Pearce) "Ooh, don't tell me you've got an ex-boyfriend tucked away out here somewhere."
  • (Hugo Weaving) "No, my wife. I'm married."
  • (Hugo Weaving) "Oh, fuck."
  • (Guy Pearce) "Oh, for goodness sakes, look at yourself, Mitz. How many times do I have to tell you? Green is not your color."
  • (Guy Pearce) "I met these Swedish tourists called -- Lars, Lars and Lars."
  • (Guy Pearce) "This is getting too weird. You, and a woman ? What did she used do for kicks? Put a bucket on your head and swing off the handle?"
  • (Guy Pearce) "Sorry -- Ralph."
  • (Guy Pearce) "Well, girls, what can I say? Here's to a secret very well kept."
  • (Terence Stamp) "Shame it's not gonna stay that way, isn't it?"
  • (Guy Pearce) "Do you think I'm going to let you walk away with all the attention? No chance, come on girls. Let's go shopping."
  • (Guy Pearce) "Oh. Oh, Mitzi. It's gabardine. I haven't seen gabardine for years."
  • (Guy Pearce) "Come on, snap out of it. You'll be fine. Come on, love."
  • (Hugo Weaving) "Oh --"
  • (Bill Hunter) "That's it, mate. You scared us all for a minute."
  • (Guy Pearce) "Just had to have that extra bit of attention, didn't you? Nice one, lovey. Nice one."
  • (Guy Pearce) "Who taught you to waltz?"
  • (Hugo Weaving) "My wife."
  • (Guy Pearce) "Oh, how sweet."
  • (Guy Pearce) "How do you like your little boys, girls?"
  • (Guy Pearce) "Do you know why this microphone has such a long cord?"
  • (Unnamed) "Why?"
  • (Guy Pearce) "So it's easily retrieved after I've shoved it up your ass."
  • (Guy Pearce) "You haven't got any kids stashed away out there as well have you?"
  • (Guy Pearce) "Ta-da. What do you think?"
  • (Hugo Weaving) "When do we have to return it to the school?"
  • (Guy Pearce) "This old man he played two. He played knick-knack with my poo."

Hugo Weaving as Tick

  • (Hugo Weaving) "Oh, get back in your kennels, both of you."
  • (Hugo Weaving) "What sort of bent-childhood -- did you have, Adam Whitely?"
  • (Hugo Weaving) "What do you assume I do? Lie?"
  • (Sarah Chadwick) "Assumption, my dear Mitz, is the mother of all fuck-ups."
  • (Hugo Weaving) "Tack-a-rama."
  • (Hugo Weaving) "Well, are we bunny-hopping all the way to Alice?"
  • (Hugo Weaving) "I've um -- been asked to do a show out of town."
  • (Hugo Weaving) "No that's enough. Oh, my tits are falling down."
  • (Hugo Weaving) "Jesus. Thank you. Thank you, it's good to be home."
  • (Hugo Weaving) "Well, listen to this one. After we did the ABBA show, Kevin had one of those liposuction penis enlargements."
  • (Guy Pearce) "He didn't?"
  • (Hugo Weaving) "Yep. Do you know what they do? They siphon all the fat out of your love handles, and actually inject it into your wing-wang."
  • (Guy Pearce) "Ugh. Yucky. I suppose it gives a whole new meaning to "cracking a fat", though, doesn't it?"
  • (Hugo Weaving) ", You know, I never heard him play."
  • (Terence Stamp) "Play? He didn't play, dear. Trumpet didn't have a single musical bone in his body. No, Trumpet had an unusually large foreskin. So large, in fact, that he could wrap the entire thing around a Monte Carlo biscuit."
  • (Hugo Weaving) "I think we just crashed a party."
  • (Hugo Weaving) "Night, John Boy."
  • (Hugo Weaving) "Come on girls, off your snatches. Rehearsal time."
  • (Hugo Weaving) "Bernice has left her cake out in the rain."
  • (Hugo Weaving) "Purple?"
  • (Guy Pearce) "It's not purple, it's lavender. Whaddaya think?"
  • (Hugo Weaving) "It's nice -- in a hideous sort of a way."
  • (Hugo Weaving) "Where are you going?"
  • (Terence Stamp) "If you think I'm going to sit around watching Picasso take on the public transit system, you've got another thing coming. I'll be back with the cavalry in a couple of hours."
  • (Hugo Weaving) "Aren't we fabulous?"
  • (Hugo Weaving) "You stupid bloody idiot. Drugs, for Christ's sake. Well, three cheers for you. I hope you're bloody well happy now. You bloody fuck wit."
  • (Hugo Weaving) "What's happening?"
  • (Guy Pearce) "Um, I don't know."
  • (Terence Stamp) "Oh, my God. Oh, Felicia. Where the Fuckawei?"
  • (Hugo Weaving) "What happens if they turn out like Adam?"
  • (Terence Stamp) "You stuff 'em back in and ask for a refund."
  • (Hugo Weaving) "What fun. Baby bottles of booze."

Julia Cortez as Cynthia

  • (Julia Cortez) "Me perform for you. Me sing."
  • (Bill Hunter) "No, Cynthia, you no perform. They perform, not you."
  • (Julia Cortez) "Refreshments. Lemonade here; I make."
  • (Bill Hunter) "That's very nice, darling. Please -- go back inside."
  • (Julia Cortez) "Lemonade here; I make. Lemonade for guests."
  • (Bill Hunter) "No, darling, please."
  • (Julia Cortez) "I make chockrit cracker."
  • (Julia Cortez) "Me perform for you. Me dance too."
  • (Bill Hunter) "My wife used to be in the, uh -- entertainment business."
  • (Julia Cortez) "Yeah. You perform here?"
  • (Julia Cortez) "I no like you anyway. You got little ding-a-ling."

Sarah Chadwick as Marion

  • (Sarah Chadwick) "Morals are a choice, and he'll decide his own when he's good and bloody well ready."
  • (Sarah Chadwick) "Stop wearing out that mirror."

Bill Hunter as Bob

  • (Bill Hunter) "Well. A real life "Les Girls" show. Right, this calls for a celebration."
  • (Bill Hunter) "Hello."
  • (Julia Cortez) "Hello."
  • (Bill Hunter) "Who are you?"
  • (Julia Cortez) "I your wife."
  • (Bill Hunter) "Guess I'll be going home then."
  • (Julia Cortez) "No. You no going. I coming to. I your wife. See?"
  • (Julia Cortez) "I your wife."
  • (Bill Hunter) "If you don't mind me asking, what kind of cabaret act do you do?"
  • (Guy Pearce) "We dress up in women's clothes and parade around mouthing the words to other people's songs."

Mark Holmes as Benji

  • (Mark Holmes) "Does he have a boyfriend at the moment?"
  • (Guy Pearce) "No, no he doesn't."
  • (Mark Holmes) "Neither does Mum. She used to have a girlfriend, but she got over her."
  • (Mark Holmes) "You want to come play in my room? I've got Lego."
  • (Unnamed) "More. More."
  • (Mark Holmes) "We want more."
  • (Sarah Chadwick) "Yes, magnificent. Bravo."
  • (Mark Holmes) "More. We want more."

Stephan Elliott as Doctor

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