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Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy Quotes

Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy is a television show that debuted in 1970 . Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy ended in 1970.

It features Lorne Michaels as producer, Craig Northey in charge of musical score, and David A. Makin as head of cinematography.

Each episode of Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy is 89 minutes long. Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy is distributed by Paramount Pictures.

Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy Quotes

  • (Cabbie) "So what does this whole story mean? The only way to be happy is to know you won't be happy every single day. Lalalalalala. It sounds better in the original Croatian."
  • (Dr. Chris Cooper) "Cat on my head."
  • (Dr. Chris Cooper) "Cat on my head."
  • (Scientist) "It was only a couple of flipper-babies."
  • (Unnamed) "This is the real party, Chris."
  • (Grivo) "I just heard about this new drug that makes you happy, I just wanna say,"
  • (Grivo) "-- FUCK happy."
  • (Raymond Hurdicure) "Sorry we're a few hours late, there, Ma, but you know how the kids -- uh -- hate old people."
  • (Don Roritor) "May I have the room for a moment? My empire is CRUMBLING."
  • (Cop #1) "Hey, didya see that, uh, Nina Bedford show this morning?"
  • (Cop #2) "Yeah, that uh -- thing about toast-fucking."
  • (Cop #1) "-- toast-fucking?"
  • (Cop #2) "Yeah; it's the new thing where you fuck or get fucked with toast."
  • (Cop #1) "No, the -- the show this morning was about that new drug."
  • (Cop #2) "Oh. Must have been a dream I had."
  • (Wally's wife) "Kids, where's your Father?"
  • (Daughter) "He's upstairs masturbating to gay porn."
  • (Wally's wife) "Again?"
  • (Unnamed) "I want to be a scientist just like you. Any advice?"
  • (Dr. Chris Cooper) "Er -- work hard and stay in school."
  • (Nina Bedford) "When we come back we're going to give Dr. Cooper a complete makeover."
  • (Alice) "This urine is great."
  • (Raymond Hurdicure) "So I hear dad's dead. Hey, is that egg nog?"
  • (Mrs. Hurdicure) "What will this do?"
  • (Dr. Cooper) "Well, it reaches into your brain "chemically," and then it locates your happiest memory "chemically," then it locks onto that emotion and freezes it "chemically," and then it keeps you happy, happy."
  • (Baxter) "Chris? She's depressed, not stupid."
  • (White Trash Man) "Baby -- get in the vehicle, baby."
  • (White Trash Woman) "I'm not getting in that vehicle."
  • (White Trash Man) "Baby, this is my gift to you."
  • (White Trash Woman) "What? Gift? That's not a gift, you freakin' stole this."
  • (White Trash Man) "I stole it to make it up to you, baby."
  • (White Trash Woman) "Well, tell me this, then; how could you sleep with my best friend and then tell me about it?"
  • (White Trash Man) "Sure I told you about it, baby, but don't shoot the messenger."
  • (Wally's wife) "Were the handcuffs totally necessary, officer?"
  • (Cop) "Well, actually, that was your husband's idea."
  • (Dr. Chris Cooper) "The drug was for people who couldn't get off the floor."
  • (Unnamed) "Please don't take my monkeys."
  • (Placebo Patient) "No. It's been two weeks and I don't feel any different. All I've done is gain eight pounds. Now, what's in this?"
  • (Baxter) "Oh, a little of this and a little of that. Open"
  • (Placebo Patient) "It's sugar isn't it?"
  • (Placebo Patient) "I'm in the placebo group."
  • (Alice) "Hello, is your uncle home?"
  • (Cooper's groupie) "Uncle? Oh, yeah. Just a moment."
  • (Cooper's groupie) "Uncle Chris."
  • (Dr. Chris Cooper) "Uncle? What, are we playing that game again?"
  • (Wally) "There's a perfectly reasonable explanation for this."
  • (Wally's wife) "Please don't."
  • (Wally) "Well, I was out driving. 'Cause you know how much I love driving. When suddenly, I had to take the biggest pee in the world. So I went to this washroom --"
  • (Wally) "-- but it was full of those types. You know. QUEERS and QUEENIES and --"
  • (Dr. Chris Cooper) "I think I may have something."
  • (Cabbie) "There's an old Romanian folksong my Grandma used to sing to me. It goes: Life is short and life is shit and soon it will be over."
  • (Cabbie) "Ya know, the pills are made of monkey cum."
  • (Cabbie) "So there go, you have your happy ending. Now get out. Because nowhere on your ticket does it say that you can sleep here."
  • (Dr. Chris Cooper's Dad) "Did you clean the house? Yeah, good boy. Did you clean the office? Yeah, good. How about the gun? Did you clean the gun?"
  • (Dr. Chris Cooper's Dad) "Ah. My foot."
  • (Dr. Chris Cooper's Dad) "Ah. My other foot."
  • (Drill sergeant) "You go over there and Fuck 'em. We'll stay here and Masturbate. Go, go, go."
  • (Dr. Chris Cooper) "Doesn't anyone want to know how the drug works chemically?"
  • (Drill sergeant) "You -- are -- scum. Do you hear me soldier?"
  • (Wally) "Yes, sir."
  • (Drill sergeant) "Do you know what we are going to be doing today?"
  • (Wally) "No, sir."
  • (Drill sergeant) "We are going to be doing push-ups all day, you and me, all day."
  • (Drill sergeant) "Do you think that's funny soldier?"
  • (Wally) "No, sir."
  • (Drill sergeant) "Well, just for that, you are going to be doing those push-ups with me lying on your back. You are going to discover muscles, you never knew you had. Big -- muscles, hard -- muscles."
  • (Wally) "Oh, yesss, sir."
  • (Don Roritor) "Can I get you anything else? Grappa, wine, cappuccino, tickets to a Lakers game?"
  • (Dr. Chris Cooper) "No, thanks."
  • (Don Roritor) "Are you sure? What about cheesecake? Double-A batteries? Land in Montana?"
  • (Dr. Chris Cooper) "No, thank you."
  • (Don Roritor) "I offer you these, but they'll be yours anyway. Do you understand?"
  • (Don Roritor) "Your drug is effectively changing the world for the better. It's important that you know that. Have you heard that crack is gone? Crime is down -- and oddly enough, so is tourism."
  • (Cabbie) "When I was a little boy, my mother used to sing me a song. It went like this: "Life is short, life is shit, and soon it will be over.""

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