Friends (season 8) Quotes

Friends is a television show that first aired in 2001 on NBC. Friends completed its run in 2002.

Friends aired for 24 episodes.

The cast includes: Matthew Perry as Chandler, Matt LeBlanc as Joey, Jennifer Aniston as Rachel, Matt LeBlanc as Joey Tribbiani, Courteney Cox as Monica, David Schwimmer as Ross, Lisa Kudrow as Phoebe, Cole Sprouse as Ben, Maggie Wheeler as Janice, James Michael Tyler as Gunther, Paul Rudd as Mike Hanigan, Bonnie Somerville as Mona, Elliott Gould as Jack Geller, Christina Pickles as Judy Geller, Sean Penn as Erica, Maggie Wheeler as Janine, Matt LeBlanc as Gloria Tribbiani, Alec Baldwin as Mark, and Ron Leibman as Dr. Leonard Green.

Friends Quotes

David Schwimmer as Ross

• (David Schwimmer) "You're going to destroy the Whole Illusion of the Party."

• (David Schwimmer) "Stupid British snack food."
• (Matthew Perry) "Did they teach you that in your anger management class?"

• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah, Tony, hold on."
• (David Schwimmer) "Hello? Yeah, she's right here. Hold on."
• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah, Tony I'll call you back. It's my sister's boyfriend."
• (Courteney Cox) "Give me that."
• (Courteney Cox) "Hi sweetie. Before I forget, did I leave my diaphragm at your house?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh, hi mom."

• (David Schwimmer) "Gunther, six glasses."
• (James Michael Tyler) "Six? You want me to join you?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Oh, I thought Joey was here. Five will be fine."
• (David Schwimmer) "Boy I'm gonna get spit in my coffee, now."

• (David Schwimmer) "It's Joey, I love Joey."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Joey lives with a duck."

• (David Schwimmer) "We were on a break."

• (David Schwimmer) "If you're going to call me names, I would prefer Ross, the Divorce Force. It's just cooler."

• (David Schwimmer) "Because women never like Joey. You know, I hear he's a virgin?"

• (David Schwimmer) "Hey, remember when I had a monkey? Yeah, what was I thinking?"

• (David Schwimmer) "Curie."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Veto. Rain."
• (David Schwimmer) "Veto. Mark."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Veto. Vince."
• (David Schwimmer) "Veto. Lance."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Veto. James."
• (David Schwimmer) "Hmmm --"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "If it's a girl."
• (David Schwimmer) "Veto."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Is it just me, or is Vito beginning to sound real good?"

• (David Schwimmer) "What are you doing?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Making chocolate milk. You want some?"
• (David Schwimmer) "No thanks, I'm 29."

• (David Schwimmer) "Hey who is this Casey? Why's he calling Rachel?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance -- You know make a little love -- Well pretty much get down tonight --"

• (David Schwimmer) "Rachel won't talk to me. She won't even let me in the apartment."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hmmm, I wonder why, pervert?"
• (David Schwimmer) "I'm not a pervert."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Please, that's the pervert motto. They have you raise your right hand, put your left hand in your pants and say that."

• (David Schwimmer) "No divorces in '99."

• (David Schwimmer) "So, uh, how long are you going to punish him?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Five years."
• (David Schwimmer) "You've sentenced him?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, don't do the crime if you can't do the time."

• (David Schwimmer) "So, uh, what did the insurance company say?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, they said uh, "You don't have insurance here so stop calling us.""

• (David Schwimmer) "First divorce: wife's hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second divorce: said the wrong name at the altar, kind of my fault. Third divorce: they shouldn't let you get married when you're that drunk and have stuff drawn all over your face, Nevada's fault."

• (David Schwimmer) "I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid."
• (Matthew Perry) "That's nice."
• (David Schwimmer) "No, no, with him. I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby. I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defense is comin' right at me."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Tampa Bay's got a terrible team."
• (David Schwimmer) "Right, but, it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinkin' they can take us. And so I uh, I just heave it downfield."
• (Matthew Perry) "What are you crazy? That's a baby."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "He should take the sack?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Anyway, suddenly I'm downfield, and I realize that I'm the one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there is no way I'm gonna get there in time, so I am running, and running, and that, that is when I woke up. See, I am so not ready to be a father."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one of the most caring, most responsible men in North America. You're gonna make a great dad."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, Ross. You and the baby just need better blocking."

• (David Schwimmer) "Mississippilessly?"

• (David Schwimmer) "This is just classic Rachel. You're off in Rachel land with no thought for people's feelings or monkeys."

• (David Schwimmer) "I guess I should have known -- we'd be out somewhere, and a beautiful woman would go by, and Carol would go, "Ross, look at her." And I'd think, "My wife is cool.""

• (David Schwimmer) "There's going to be Hoopla?"

• (David Schwimmer) "Did you see the kid on that nose?"

• (David Schwimmer) "Good, good, good. So, is uh, was your moustache, did, used to be different?"
• (Richard) "No."
• (David Schwimmer) "Oh. How do you uh, ya know, keep it so neat?"
• (Richard) "I have a little comb."
• (David Schwimmer) "Oh. And what do you call that?"
• (Richard) "A moustache comb."

• (David Schwimmer) "That sandwich was the one good thing in my life. Someone ate the one good thing in my life."

• (David Schwimmer) "Ugly Baby Judges you."

• (David Schwimmer) "I figured after work, I'd pick up a bottle of wine, go over there, and try to -- woo her."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hey, you know what you should do? Take her back to the 1800's when that phrase was last used."

• (David Schwimmer) "Why, it's like I've been given the gift of time."
• (Matthew Perry) "That's great. Last year I got the gift of space. We should get together and make a continuum."

• (David Schwimmer) "So I don't know if he's testing me or just acting out but my monkey is OUT OF CONTROL --. He keeps erasing the messages on my machine."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh yeah -- I've done that"
• (David Schwimmer) "And a few days ago he got to the newspaper before I did and peed all over the crossword."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "I've never done that"
• (David Schwimmer) "And last night I don't know what he did but there were capers EVERYWHERE."

• (David Schwimmer) "You're crazy."
• (Benjamin Hobart) "Crazy? Or -- Romantic?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Crazy."
• (Benjamin Hobart) "Ooor --"
• (David Schwimmer) "Get out."

• (David Schwimmer) "Does little Ross like dinosaurs by any chance?"
• (Mr. Zelner) "Yeah, they're all he talks about, why?"
• (David Schwimmer) "How would he like to come with me to the Museum of Natural History after everyone else has left, just the two of us, and he can touch anything he wants."
• (David Schwimmer) "I just heard it as you must have heard it and that's not good. Let me start again. I'm a paleontologist, you'll be there with us and the touching refers only to bones; fossils."

• (David Schwimmer) "You guys won't believe what I have to do for work today."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yes, but Ross you chose a career of talking about dinosaurs."

• (David Schwimmer) "Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and won."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ross came fourth and cried."

• (David Schwimmer) "I made Marcel's favorite: Banana cake --"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Mmm."
• (David Schwimmer) "-- with mealworm."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Ugh."

• (David Schwimmer) "I can't wait to play with you all day, and to hear your first words."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Why are you letting him talk to your crotch that way?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "He's talking to the baby."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, that's good. Because when I heard, "I can't wait to hear your first words" I thought, "Boy that's some trick.""

• (David Schwimmer) "Oh, I gotta go, kids -- I got Lamaze class."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh. And I got Earth Science but I'll catch you in gym?"

• (David Schwimmer) "I went through the same thing with Carol and you know what I did? I got dressed really quickly."

• (David Schwimmer) "OK, how about Ruth?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, I'm sorry, are we having an 89 year old woman?"

• (David Schwimmer) "Wow, Joey, that's a steamy picture."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, I know. The magazine said it was for my gay fans."
• (David Schwimmer) "Why'd you wink at me?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Don't look at me. You're the one who like the picture so much."

• (David Schwimmer) "Say something. Say anything. Nothing you say could make this situation worse. Oh my God, this is the longest that anyone has not spoken EVER."
• (David Schwimmer) "I haven't had sex in a very long time."
• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah you really shouldn't have said anything."

• (David Schwimmer) "C'mon man, just take 'em off, just take 'em off and we'll have some fun."

• (David Schwimmer) "Wow."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hey stop staring at my wife's legs. No, no, stop staring at your sister's legs"

• (David Schwimmer) "I mean, last year Elizabeth now-now this kid. What-what-what-what is it? Am I giving out some kind of -- sexy professor vibe?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Not right now."

• (David Schwimmer) "I grew up in a house with Monica, okay. If you didn't eat fast, you didn't eat."

• (David Schwimmer) "What are you doing tonight?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Why, do you have a lecture?"
• (David Schwimmer) "No."
• (Matthew Perry) "Free as a bird, what's up?"

• (David Schwimmer) "Can I borrow your blue tie? Emma spit on mine."
• (Matthew Perry) "Okay, but you'll have to give it back when I get a job. Of course, by then, ties will be obsolete and we'll all be wearing silver jumpsuits."

• (David Schwimmer) "This is so exciting, I haven't seen my monkey in almost a year."
• (Matthew Perry) "What, you never look down in the shower?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, please. I'm not allowed to make one joke in the monkey-is-penis genre?"

• (David Schwimmer) "The door's closed. I can't see anything with the door closed."
• (Matthew Perry) "And the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave."

• (David Schwimmer) "Hi --"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Pfft -- This guy says, "Hello, " I wanna kill myself."

• (David Schwimmer) "Oh, really? Well, I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City."
• (Matthew Perry) "Du-ude."
• (Courteney Cox) "What happened in Atlantic City?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Well, Chandler and I are in a bar --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Did you not hear me say, "Du-ude"?"
• (David Schwimmer) "-- and this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after a while he just goes over to her and, uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what you're thinking. Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls. And you're right. Chandler's not the type of guy just goes to bars and makes out with girls."
• (Courteney Cox) "You kissed a guy? Oh my God."
• (Matthew Perry) "In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy."

• (David Schwimmer) "Heating device."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Radiator."
• (David Schwimmer) "Five letters."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Rdatr."

• (David Schwimmer) "What the hell are you doing, you scared the crap out of me."

• (David Schwimmer) "We were on a break."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, my God. If you say that one more time, I'm going to break up with you."

• (David Schwimmer) "I'm FINE."

• (David Schwimmer) "Hey, Pheebs, you gonna have the rest of that Pop-Tart? Pheebs?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Hey, I might."

• (David Schwimmer) "Oh my God. Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "I got off the plane."

• (David Schwimmer) "My dad wanted to know if you wanted to play racquetball with us."
• (Courteney Cox) "Wow. That's great. Dad must really like you, he doesn't ask just anyone to play."
• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah and he didn't really ask for you, he asked for Chancy, I assumed he meant you."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, did-did you correct him?"
• (David Schwimmer) "No, I-I thought it would be more fun this way."

• (David Schwimmer) "I would date her but there is a big age difference."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Well think about it when you're 90 --"
• (David Schwimmer) "I know, she'll be 80 and it won't be such a big difference."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "No. What I was gonna say is when you're 90 you'll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old."

• (David Schwimmer) "All right, I'll tell you why you're a bad driver. You're fast and irresponsible."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Well, excuse me but in high school that made me head cheerleader."

• (David Schwimmer) "Ok, look. You don't have to get married. We can just go home and take a shower. That's not so scary is it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Depends on what you mean by "we"."

• (Unnamed) "Watch out for this guy. They say he's looking for some kind of Hot Girl."
• (David Schwimmer) "Who isn't?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Hi, I'm Ross, I'm new to the building."
• (Unnamed) "Yes, you were the one who didn't chip in for the handyman."
• (David Schwimmer) "Never mind."
• (Unnamed) "Actually, I thought it was unfair the way everyone reacted. You had just moved in."
• (David Schwimmer) "I had just moved in. Thank you."

• (David Schwimmer) "Uhh, excuse me. If I could have everybody's attention. I'm Ross Geller."
• (Elliott Gould) "DR. Ross Geller."
• (David Schwimmer) "Dad -- Please. Anyway, as I was saying, I'm Dr. Ross Geller --"

• (David Schwimmer) ""Ooh, I must Take a Mental Picture"."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You were making fun of Parker? Okay so he's Positive and Energetic and maybe that's a bit much, but I like that about him. You wanna know what I think? I think your collective dating record reads like a Who's Who of Human Crap."
• (David Schwimmer) "-- What was wrong with Mona?"

Lisa Kudrow as Phoebe

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hey, if we were in prison, you guys would be like my bitches."

• (Lisa Kudrow) ""Oh, I slept with Billy Joel." Who hasn't?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hey, can we turn on the TV? I think it's raining outside."

• (Unnamed) "I like that. what's your name?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Pheobe. That's, P, as in Phoebe, H, as in heobe, O as in oebe, E, as in ebe, B, as in bebe, and E as in -- Ello there mate."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Jingle bitch screwed me over. Go to hell jingle whore. Go to hell, go to hell, go to hell."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Chandler still thinks I'm pregnant and he hasn't asked me how I'm feeling or offered to carry my bags. I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "My mom used to stick her head in the oven. Actually she only did it the once, but it was pretty weird."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Look, I had a hard life. My mother was killed by a drug dealer."
• (Courteney Cox) "Phoebe, your mom killed herself."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "She was a drug dealer."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Aww Pheebs."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Honey, that's your name."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, Pheebs is short for Phoebe I thought that's just what we called each other."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "That's it? "We were on a break." "No we weren't." What happened to you two?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, my god. You had sex."
• (Courteney Cox) "No, we didn't."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "I know YOU didn't, I'm saying she did."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Why would you kill his fish?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Because, Phoebe, sometimes after you sleep with someone you have to kill a fish."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "She's going through her fourth month of pregnancy. Remember when I was in my fourth month?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Yes, that was the Evander Holyfield period. You know, you were so hard up, you even came on to me."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Did not."
• (Courteney Cox) "Yes, you did."
• (Courteney Cox) "Listen, Phoebe, I could have had you if I had wanted you."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, yeah? Well, bring it on."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Guys. Stop it. This is even turning me on."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "At first they're so cute and soft to the touch/ Then they grow up and resent you so much/ Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why/ and you cry and you cry and you cry/ and you cry and you cry and you cry and you cry -- Thanks Ross."
• (David Schwimmer) "I'm paying you to STOP."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "And then what happened?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Ooooh."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hi Joey."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "This isn't over."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Well, I'm a pacifist. But, when the revolution comes, I'll destroy all of you."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Except for you, Joey."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Please don't kill yourself. My mother did, I know what I'm talking about. And besides, I wasn't even meant to be working today. Don't you see that the Universe wants you to live?"
• (Unnamed) "Do you hear that? I don't need you people. The Universe cares about me. The whole Universe. Ha-ha-ha."
• (Unnamed) "I wish they cared a little bit --"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "A person's wedding is important. And especially to me. OK? I didn't have a graduation party. And I didn't go to Prom. And I spent my sweet sixteen being chased round a tyre yard by an escaped mental patient who in his own words wanted to "kill me, or whatever." So I deserve a real celebration and I am not gonna let some sweaty little man make me feel badly about it."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Okay, now we need the sage branches and the sacramental wine."
• (Courteney Cox) "All I have is oregano and a Fresca."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "That's okay."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "All right, now we need the semen of a righteous man."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "OK, Pheebs, you know what? If we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "They're coming. Run."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Where?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Mexico."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "And then it goes back to the chorus, "Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault" and that's it."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "I know you didn't ask but no-one had spoken for fourteen minutes."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "We can be guys. Come on, let us be guys."
• (Matthew Perry) "You don't want to be guys, you'd be all hairy and you wouldn't live as long."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "I remember the day I got my first paycheck. There was a cave-in in one of the mines, and eight people were killed."
• (Courteney Cox) "Wow, you; you worked in a mine?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "No, I worked in a Dairy Queen. Why?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "If I don't hold my hair, my head will fall off."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "You got a haircut."
• (David) "Yeah, well, I got like, thirty of 'em."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "It's because of stuff like this that you're BURNING IN HELL."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "No, huh uh, no way, I'm sorry, not gonna happen."
• (Matthew Perry) "Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hello, my name is Clunkers. May I please stay with you nice people?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "We're -- just saying Goodbye to the Hotel. We LOVE you, Paradise Hotel, Golf Resort and Spa."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Stop, you guys. Look what you're doing to Chandler."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "There's no such thing as an innocent Burger."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "You know, we thought you were different. But I guess it was just the coma."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Sting's pen --"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "-- that he gave to Phoebe."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Ok, I need to get this right so give me a sec --"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yo, dude. Eleven o'clock, totally hot babe checkin' you out."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "I'm going to get a coffee. Anybody want anything?"
• (Courteney Cox) "I'll have a latte."
• (David Schwimmer) "I'll have a blueberry muffin, with a decaf."
• (Matthew Perry) "I'll have a bagel with a little --"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You know I was just being polite."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "You know, this reminds me of the time I was living on the street and this guy said he'd buy me food if I slept with him. Because that was a real problem and this is just some High School crap."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "I think the most romantic song is the one that Elton John wrote for that guy from "who's the Boss?""
• (Courteney Cox) "Which one was that?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You know, uh, "Hold me closer, Tony Danza -- "."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Come on, Ross we've got to think like Chandler."
• (David Schwimmer) "So where's the one place he'd never expect us to look?"
• (David Schwimmer) "So THIS is your Office?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Are you kidding, that woman has the nose of a bloodhound. And the breasts of a Greek Goddess --"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, look. Ugly Naked Guy is decorating his Christmas tree. Wow, you should see the size of his Christmas balls."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Today is Mike and my one year anniversary."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh. What's it the anniversary of? Your first date? Your first kiss? The first time you had sex?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Leave me behind. I'm just a machine."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Come on Ross, you're a paleontologist, dig a little deeper."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hey. Why isn't it Spidermen? You know, like Goldmen, Silvermen."
• (Matthew Perry) "Because, it -- it's not his last name."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "It isn't?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No. It's not like Phil Spidermen. He's a spider man. You know, like Goldmen is a last name but there's no gold man."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, oh okay --"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "There should be a gold man."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Quit being so "testosterony"."
• (Matthew Perry) "-- The real San Francisco treat."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Look, Joey, I know about your feelings."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh, you do?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah, and I don't think it could happen."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I know. I mean it's not just my friend Rachel, it's my pregnant with Ross's child friend Rachel."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Uhh -- Yeah, Rachel, I mean you two are friends."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Kick me in the stomach why don't you."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "What?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Nothing. You know, maybe it's just a crush, it doesn't mean you love her."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "You think?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah. I mean I've had them for you guys -- except for Ross and Chandler. I'm sure you had them for us before, right?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "No, not really."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Throw me a friggin' bone here, will ya?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "You name one woman that you broke up with for a real reason."
• (Matthew Perry) "Maureen Rosilla."
• (David Schwimmer) ""'Cause she doesn't hate Yanni" is not a real reason."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "A plate of brownies once told me a Limerick."
• (Matthew Perry) "Let me ask you, Phoebe: were these "funny brownies"?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Not particularly. Although I do think they had pot in them."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Where's Chandler?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "He's grieving."
• (Matthew Perry) "I'M FREE. I AM FREE."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Soap Opera Digest. That's one of my favorite digests."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Charlotte? You know, with the web? She has babies, then she dies. It's like, "Hey, mom, welcome home from the hospital." THUD."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "What's on your neck?"
• (Courteney Cox) "That? That would be the work of a Blowfish."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "I may play the fool at times but I'm a little more than just a pretty blonde girl with an ass that won't quit."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "There was a crooked man, who had a crooked smile, who lived in a shoe, for a -- while --"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, I can't believe you. You've been so good, for three years."
• (Matthew Perry) "And this- is my reward."
• (David Schwimmer) "Hold on a second, all right? Just think about what you went through the last time you quit."
• (Matthew Perry) "Okay, so this time I won't quit."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? / Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault."

Matt LeBlanc as Joey

• (Matt LeBlanc) "So, what, you just want to stay here and wait for Rachel to come back from her date?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah. I mean, this guy could be my baby's stepfather."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "They go out on one date and you worry about her marrying him? He's not you."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "In a perfect world, she wouldn't exist. And your father would look like Sting."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Ha, Ha, he said 'erectus'."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Erectus?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No, 'homo'."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Well, this is like summer in a bowl."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh, yeah. Go for it man, jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, Joe, I assure you if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun, I'm pretty much peeing every which way."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "You two were having sex."
• (Courteney Cox) "No, we weren't."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, you were. I can see it by the back of Chandler's hair."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "You are so lazy, can't you get on top for once?"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, I've never been able to cry as an actor, so if I'm in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling. Or ah, or, let's say I wanna convey that I've just done something evil. That would be the basic 'I have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it'"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Okay, let's say I've just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "And that's how it's done. Great soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Ross, have you ever been beaten up before?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah, sure."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "By someone besides Monica?"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "You waited too long and now you're in "The Friend Zone"."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Age?"
• (Unnamed) "Can't you work that out by my date of birth?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I'm a doctor, not a mathematician."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Do you practice losing at the Grammys too?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No, at the Grammys, I always win."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, I started working on what I'm going to say at the ceremony. Wanna hear it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "It is a love based of giving and receiving as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have -- and receive."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Okay, you guys, I've got a little more written -- are you ready?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, yeah. Okay."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I cannot help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving -- and then I can't think of a good word for right here."
• (Courteney Cox) "How bout receiving?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yes."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Not knowing when to shut up."
• (David Schwimmer) "Yep, that's my thing --"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See, I told you. Less than a hundred steps from our place to here."
• (Matthew Perry) "You've got waaaay too much free time."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I just dropped by to say you're not a real Doctor. And that woman's brain -- is fine."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "You know what the best thing about marriage is? Waking up next to the same face every morning, until the sweet release of death."
• (Matthew Perry) "This is the worst Batchelor Party ever."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I want to be Mr. Hugglemunch."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, it's not the first time I lost a girl to a Cowboy spraying Cologne."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Up is not an option."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Pheebs, you wanna help?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Aw, c'mon, this guy's perfect for you."
• (Courteney Cox) "No, not after your cousin who could belch the alphabet."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Va fa napoli."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "She's so great. She kisses like my mom cooks."
• (Courteney Cox) "I am so glad you said "cooks"."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I am telling this to Rachel."
• (Courteney Cox) "No, Joey."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Unless --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Unless what?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Unless you name your first born after me."
• (Matthew Perry) "What? Why?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Because, I may never have kids. Somebody's gonna have to carry on my family name."
• (Matthew Perry) "Your family name is Tribianni."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh ho ho. You almost had me there."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Chandler is a mysterious fellow, one unlikely to take a wife."

• (Kate Miller) "I have a question about this scene."
• (The Director) "Yes?"
• (Kate Miller) "Well, I don't understand why Adrienne's attracted to Victor."
• (The Director) "Peel the onion. First of all, he's good-looking."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah."
• (Kate Miller) "I think my character's gonna need a little bit more of a reason than that."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh, hey, how about this one? It says so in the script. Y'know, I don't know why my character likes you either, I mean, it says in the script here that you're a bitch."
• (Kate Miller) "It does not say that in the script."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "It does in mine."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Want some jam?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No thanks, I just had a jar of mustard."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey Ross. If homo sapiens were in fact "homo sapiens", could that be why they're extinct?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Joey, homo sapiens are people."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey. I'm not judging here."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "And you call yourself an accountant?"
• (Matthew Perry) "-- No."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Could you close that window? My nipples could cut glass over here."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Really? Mine get me out of tickets."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "What are you worried about? The Vicar will be here any minute."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "How you doin'?"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "This, more than anything, is a staging area."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I don't get it. Why can't we use the same toothbrush? We use the same soap."
• (Matthew Perry) "That's different. The toothbrush has been in my mouth."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "OK. But next time you're in the shower, think of the first place you're washing, and the last place I washed."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Aw, man. He took the five of spades."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "No, here it is."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, do you need any help?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Why, does it look like I'm having trouble with my mis-shapened claw?"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I'm Joey. I'm disgusting. I make low-budget adult films."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Heh. Let me get this straight. He got you to beg to sleep with him. He got you to say he never has to call you again. And he got you thinking this is a great idea?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Uh-huh."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "This man is my God."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Do you want to hear something weird?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Always."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Of course it was a line."
• (Courteney Cox) "Why? Why? Why would anyone do something like that?"
• (David Schwimmer) "I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than, "to get you into bed.""

• (Matt LeBlanc) "And look. A phone in the bathroom."
• (Courteney Cox) "Joey, don't ever call me from that phone."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Joey Tribianni"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "25"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah I'm single"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Actor -- hello?"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "There's always room for jello."
• (Courteney Cox) "How do you make that dirty?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I can do it with anything, look. Grandma's Chicken Salad."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "There was this movie, "Footloose"."
• (Matthew Perry) ""Flashdance"."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Where this plumber chick --"
• (Matthew Perry) "She was a welder"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "What, were you like in the movie?"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Look at this clown. Just because he's got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Get out of the way jackass."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "That is the Coast Guard."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Anyway, I started working on what I'm gonna say at the ceremony, you wanna hear it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Now, listen, it's just the first draft so -- "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share. It is a love based on giving and receiving, as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have and receive.""
• (Matthew Perry) "Shouldn't we call the spitter?"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Rach, you gotta find out if he's in the same place you are. Otherwise, it's just a moo point."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "A moo point?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah. It's like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter. It's moo."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Have I been living with him too long or did that all just make sense?"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "You know, with that goatee, you kinda look like Satan."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Come on, give me another chance. I can do a southern accent."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Ya, mon."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Paper, snow, a Ghost."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "You bet on the bet and if you lose you lose the bet."

• (Unnamed) "Talk New York to me."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Forget about it."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Just because she went to Yale drama, she thinks she's like the greatest actress since, since, sliced bread."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ah, Sliced Bread, a wonderful Lady MacBeth."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "God, I just, I hate her. I hate her. With her, "Oh, I'm so talented." and "Oh, I'm so pretty," and "Ooh, I smell so good.""
• (Matthew Perry) "I think somebody has a crush on somebody."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, Chandler, can we please stay focused on my problem here? Y'know?"
• (Matthew Perry) "I'm talking about you. You big, big freak."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I hate his underwear. one time I brought a pair marked XS and let me tell you there's no room for anything excess in there."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "You can't have s-e-x in front of a b-a-b-i-e"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I thought it'd be great, you know? have some time alone with my thoughts -- turns out, I don't have as many thoughts as you'd think."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Joey doesn't share food."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Fine. No one ever listens to me. If the package is this pretty, no one cares what's inside."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Alright. Westminster Abbey. Hands down. Best Abbey I ever seen."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey. Ok. What do you think of the Abbey, Chandler?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, I think it's great. It's great. You know, they're thinking of changing the name of this place."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Really? To what?"
• (Matthew Perry) "To put the camera away."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Man, you are Westminster Crabby."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Ross, if Homo Sapiens were HOMO Sapiens, is that why they're extinct?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Joey, "Homo Sapiens" are People."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, I'm not Judging."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, I got something for you."
• (Matthew Perry) "What's this?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Eight hundred and twelve bucks."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, I don't know what Big Leon told you but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "You're a pain in my ass, Geller."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "They want me to do frontal nudity. I can't do that. My grandmother's gonna see that movie."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Well, grandma's gonna have to get in line."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I can't believe Ross is going out with Rachel's sister. Ya know, when Chandler made out with my sister, I was mad at him for, like, ten years."
• (Matthew Perry) "That was five years ago."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I know. You got five more years."
• (Matthew Perry) "Joey --"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "You want to make it six?"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey Mon, I got a question for you."
• (Courteney Cox) "Okay, for the bizillionth time, yes I see other women in the shower at the gym, and no I don't look."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey Gunther, have you seen Chandler?"
• (James Michael Tyler) "I thought you were Chandler."
• (James Michael Tyler) "Um, one of you is over there."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Dude, stop talkin' crazy and make us some tea."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Ooh-ooh-ooh. Are we opening presents?"
• (Courteney Cox) "No. No. I shouldn't have even opened these. I mean I; Joey, I am out of control. Joey, you have to do me a favor. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, please do not let me open another present. Okay?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Okay."
• (Courteney Cox) "Give me one more."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Okay."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I just don't think that I want it that way though, you know? I mean, let's say I do make it, all right? I'm always gonna look back and wonder if it was because of my talent or because of -- y'know, the Little General."
• (Matthew Perry) "Didn't you use to call it the Little Major?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, but after Denise DeMarco, I had to promote it."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "You're mean in England."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Well, I'm sorry if I'm not a middle-aged black woman. And I'm also sorry if sometimes I go to the wrong audition."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "OK, I have no feelings for Rachel. No feelings at all. She's just a friend. I mean, I might have had some feelings for her, but now they're all gone. All of them. As a matter of fact, I don't think I ever had feelings for Rachel."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Hey, sweetie."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I love you."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I'm a Tribianni. And this is what we do. We may not be great thinkers, or great leaders, we may not be able to run very fast but God Dammit we can eat."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "What? You made a bet. A bet is a bet. You bet on a bet, and if you lose you lose the bet."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Forget about Rachel. Go to China, eat Chinese food."
• (Matthew Perry) "Of course there they'd just call it food."

Matthew Perry as Chandler

• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, I know it must be important to you when you start chattering like a monkey."

• (Matthew Perry) "You made my girlfriend think."

• (Matthew Perry) "You know what they say, ask your slippers a question -- you're going crazy."

• (Matthew Perry) "When I get back it'll be Chair City, and I'll be the one who's sitting on Chairs."

• (Matthew Perry) "I'm thinking of having an affair with your wife. Oh, you know what, I just did."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Really?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No, freak show. She's fictional."

• (Matthew Perry) "Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream."
• (David Schwimmer) "Ah, the lesser known "I Don't Have a Dream" speech."

• (Matthew Perry) "Ok, I'm just going to go outside."
• (David Schwimmer) "Whoa, whoa, hold it."
• (Matthew Perry) "Don't worry. I'm not going to run away again. I just want to get some fresh air."
• (David Schwimmer) "Ok."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ahh, fresh air --"

• (Matthew Perry) "I am holding up these cushions as a symbol of my remorse. Though you may haveth anger now --"

• (Matthew Perry) "She's on the other line, gonna call me back, she's on the other line, gonna call me back."
• (Courteney Cox) "Don't you still have to pee?"
• (Matthew Perry) "That's why I'm dancing."

• (Matthew Perry) "We're getting a house."
• (Courteney Cox) "We're getting a baby."
• (Matthew Perry) "We're growing up."
• (Courteney Cox) "We sure are."
• (Matthew Perry) "So who's going to tell them?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Not it."
• (Matthew Perry) "Not it. Damn it."

• (Matthew Perry) "Where's Joey? His mom's on the phone."
• (Courteney Cox) "He's in the bathroom -- I don't think you wanna go in there."
• (Matthew Perry) "C'mon, we're roommates -- Aaaaaaaagh. My eyes. My eyes."

• (Matthew Perry) "I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name."

• (Matthew Perry) "Whoa, whoa, so I'm guessing you didn't get the part -- or Italy called and said it was hungry."

• (Matthew Perry) "Come on, I'll show you to my room -- Wow, that sounds weird when it's not followed by "No thanks, it's late"."

• (Matthew Perry) "Stay -- stay. Good fake dog."

• (Matthew Perry) "Could we BE more white trash?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Now, honey, I know you don't like to relinquish control --"
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh. Relinquish is just a fancy word for "lose"."

• (Matthew Perry) "I expect this from her, she's always been a Freudian nightmare."

• (Matthew Perry) "You took your eggs and you left. Do you really expect me never to find new eggs?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Well actually, gum would be perfection."
• (Matthew Perry) "Gum would be perfection? Where did that come from? Coulda said thanks, coulda said I'll have a stick but no, for me, gum would be perfection. I loathe myself."

• (Matthew Perry) "What? What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women?"
• (David Schwimmer) "A little louder, okay? I think there's a man on the twelfth floor; in a COMA; who didn't hear you."

• (Matthew Perry) "Eww, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock in my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too."
• (David Schwimmer) "Okay, I think it's time to change someone's nicotine patch."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now."

• (Susie) "How come all I can think about is putting that ice in my mouth and licking you all over?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Because I went to an all-boys high school and God is making up for it."

• (Matthew Perry) "Too many jokes. Must mock Joey."

• (Matthew Perry) "Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it. I don't think that was my point."

• (Matthew Perry) "Monica, come on do you really think that she would steal from us, then come back and wear it right in front of you?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Don't you see? It's the PERFECT crime."
• (Matthew Perry) "She must have been planning this for years."

• (Matthew Perry) "Can you see my nipples through this shirt?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No, but don't worry. I'm sure they're still there."

• (Matthew Perry) "I'm not so good with the advice -- Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"

• (Matthew Perry) "When I get back it's going to be Chair City, and I'll be the one who's sitting on chairs."

• (Matthew Perry) "Aw -- oh that's right, I have no-one."

• (Nora Bing) "Hi, Chandler. This is Dennis. He's a great guy --"
• (Nora Bing) "-- and a fantastic lover."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hello, Dennis. Thank you for pleasing my mother so."

• (Matthew Perry) "My dad slept with Mr. Gribaldi."
• (Courteney Cox) "Who's Mr. Gribaldi?"
• (Matthew Perry) "DOES IT MATTER?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Rachel, it's the Visa card people."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, okay. Will you take my place?"
• (Matthew Perry) "All right."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yes, this is Rachel."

• (Matthew Perry) "I can't say hump or screw in front of the b-a-b-y -- I just spelled the wrong words didn't I?"

• (Matthew Perry) "You know, you're a great guy, Richard."
• (Richard) "Yeah. I hate that."

• (Matthew Perry) "Full bag -- warm bowl -- something horrible must have happened here."

• (Matthew Perry) "How can I dump this woman on Valentine's Day?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh man. In my next life I'm comin' back as a toilet brush."
• (Maggie Wheeler) "Hello Funny Valentine."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hello, Just Janice."

• (Matthew Perry) "How do you not fall down more often?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Aaaaaand -- Hernia."

• (Matthew Perry) "All right. You guys don't have to stop having fun just 'cause I'm here. You don't have to feel bad, either. Kathy didn't cheat on all of you --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, except you."

• (Matthew Perry) "Just reach over and pick it up --"
• (Matthew Perry) "There we go. Good save. Now it's all good and you're -- chewing someone else's gum. Oh, my God. Oh, my God."
• (Matthew Perry) "And now you're choking."
• (Jill Goodacre) "Are you okay?"

• (Matthew Perry) "You rent out these tuxes to celebrities for award shows."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah."
• (Matthew Perry) "You mean these tuxes have been down the red carpet with people screaming "Wow. You look fabulous." at them?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Honey, could I recommend watching a little bit more "ESPN" and a little less "E."?"

• (Matthew Perry) "And this from the cry-for-help department: Are you wearing makeup?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani, actor slash model."
• (Matthew Perry) "That's funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman."

• (Matthew Perry) "You know, I'm really glad we decided not to sleep together before the wedding."
• (Courteney Cox) "Me too."
• (Matthew Perry) "You know, I was, uh, thinking. If you and I had a big fight and broke up for a few hours --"
• (Courteney Cox) "Yeah?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Technically we could have sex again. So, what do you think -- bossy and domineering?"
• (Courteney Cox) "The wedding's off, sloppy and immature."
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh, wait. We can't, my cousin Cassie is in the guest room."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, get rid of her, obsessive and shrill."
• (Courteney Cox) "Shrill? The wedding's back on."

• (Matthew Perry) "Am I sexy in Tulsa?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Oh hey listen, don't be mad at him, it's our fault. I'm sorry we've been hoggin so much of his time."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, he's just really great to hang around with."
• (Richard) "Well --"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "No, I'm serious. Chandler and I were just talkin' about this. He is so much cooler than our dads."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I mean, you know, our dads are okay, you know? But Richard is just- ow, ow."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "What are you kickin' me for, huh? I'm tryin' to talk here."

• (Matthew Perry) "If you can't do it you can't do it. That's the great thing about this game, it makes you want to kill yourself."

• (Matthew Perry) "All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers -- it doesn't make much of a difference."

• (Matthew Perry) "-- And I'm not sure about this actor guy, because when he left a message and he heard my name "Chandler Bing", he said "Woah. Short message.""

• (Matthew Perry) "Now you stay out here and you think about what you did."
• (David Schwimmer) "That's a duck."
• (Matthew Perry) "That's a bad duck."

• (Matthew Perry) "Three failed marriages, two illegitimate children -- The personal ad writes itself."

• (Matthew Perry) "I know they call this a love seat but I'm not feeling anything special towards you --"

• (Matthew Perry) "You wanna tell secrets? Okay. In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers."
• (David Schwimmer) "All right. Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-a-like contest and won."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ross came in fourth and cried."
• (David Schwimmer) "Chandler got drunk one night and slept with the woman who cleaned our dorm."
• (Matthew Perry) "That was you."
• (David Schwimmer) "Whatever dude. You kissed a guy."

• (Matthew Perry) "And by the way, Count Rushmore doesn't exist."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh yeah? Then who's the guy who painted all the faces on the mountain?"

• (Matthew Perry) "I got a job in advertising. Well, not a paying job. More of an internship. But, they hire people they like."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, we got interns on "Days of Our Lives"."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, it's the same thing -- except, less sex with you."

• (Susie) "You know why I like you?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Because my parents sent me to an all-boys Boarding School and now God is making up for it?"

• (Matthew Perry) "You have to stop the Q-Tip when there's resistance."

• (Matthew Perry) "Ding dong, the psycho's gone."

• (Matthew Perry) "You kissed my best Ross."

• (Matthew Perry) "You know if your not careful, you could not get married at all this year."

• (Matthew Perry) "Where is Ross at? Hasn't he checked out yet?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Are you kidding me? It's not 11:00 yet that means Ross still has 11 mins to check out of the hotel, and Ross has NEVER checked out of a hotel early."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh yeah that's right. One time Ross and I were at a hotel and we got a late check out -- Ross was so happy it was the best sex we ever had."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Ohhhhhhh."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "That is until he screamed out RADISON at the end."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah that'll kill it."

• (Matthew Perry) "Look, when Monica comes in, mention fire trucks."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Why?"
• (Matthew Perry) "There's this guy at her work that she says is the funniest guy she ever met."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "How could she do that? She know being funny is your thing."
• (Matthew Perry) "I know. So could you mention fire trucks when she comes in."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I don't know. I'm not too good at memorizing lines."
• (Matthew Perry) "It's a good thing you don't have to do that for a living."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I know."

• (Matthew Perry) "Did you do it on our invitations?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Not on the ones we sent out."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, so it was on the ones, we had framed."

• (Matthew Perry) "At least your middle name isn't Murial."
• (David Schwimmer) "Chandler M Bing? Your parents never gave you a chance, did they?"

• (Matthew Perry) "So, when's the big game gonna start?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You don't have to do that, Ross and Joey aren't here, you can watch the parade."

• (Matthew Perry) "Now, remember, Ben, keep your balance."
• (Cole Sprouse) "Thanks, daddy."
• (David Schwimmer) "No, remember, Ben, two mommies, one daddy."

• (Matthew Perry) "Big head, big head, big head."

• (Matthew Perry) "That was pretty intense, huh?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah. Hey, I hope Ross didn't think that we just went in there because we were uncomfortable being out here."
• (Matthew Perry) "I hope he did."

• (Matthew Perry) "I got her machine."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Her answering machine?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No. Interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up."

• (Matthew Perry) "So, is he house trained or is he going to leave

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