Friends (season 5) Quotes

Friends is a TV program that appeared on TV in 1998 on NBC. Friends ended in 1999.

Friends aired for 24 episodes.

The cast includes: Matthew Perry as Chandler, Matt LeBlanc as Joey, Jennifer Aniston as Rachel, Matt LeBlanc as Joey Tribbiani, Courteney Cox as Monica, David Schwimmer as Ross, Lisa Kudrow as Phoebe, Samantha Smith as Ben, Maggie Wheeler as Janice, James Michael Tyler as Gunther, Morgan Fairchild as Nora Bing, Courteney Cox as Mona, Elliott Gould as Jack Geller, Christina Pickles as Judy Geller, Jessica Hecht as Susan, Maggie Wheeler as Janine, Matt LeBlanc as Gloria Tribbiani, Jane Sibbett as Carol, and Jennifer Saunders as Andrea Waltham.

Friends Quotes

Matthew Perry as Chandler

• (Matthew Perry) "I was being Shelley Winters from the Poseidon Adventure."
• (David Schwimmer) "I know."

• (Matthew Perry) "Great show. Good work, Joey."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "You liked it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Liked it? I loved it."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "What did you like best about it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "I liked -- everything the whole show."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "What about the specifics?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Specifics? Specifics were the best part."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "What about the scene with the kangaroo?"
• (Matthew Perry) "I -- I was surprised to see a kangaroo in a World War I epic."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "You fell asleep. There was no kangaroo. They didn't take any of my suggestions."

• (Matthew Perry) "I can't say hump or screw in front of the b-a-b-y -- I just spelled the wrong words didn't I?"

• (Matthew Perry) "My dad slept with Mr. Gribaldi."
• (Courteney Cox) "Who's Mr. Gribaldi?"
• (Matthew Perry) "DOES IT MATTER?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Were your parents HAPPY or something?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Look, when Monica comes in, mention fire trucks."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Why?"
• (Matthew Perry) "There's this guy at her work that she says is the funniest guy she ever met."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "How could she do that? She know being funny is your thing."
• (Matthew Perry) "I know. So could you mention fire trucks when she comes in."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I don't know. I'm not too good at memorizing lines."
• (Matthew Perry) "It's a good thing you don't have to do that for a living."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I know."

• (Matthew Perry) "I know they call this a love seat but I'm not feeling anything special towards you --"

• (Matthew Perry) "You wanna tell secrets? Okay. In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers."
• (David Schwimmer) "All right. Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-a-like contest and won."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ross came in fourth and cried."
• (David Schwimmer) "Chandler got drunk one night and slept with the woman who cleaned our dorm."
• (Matthew Perry) "That was you."
• (David Schwimmer) "Whatever dude. You kissed a guy."

• (Matthew Perry) "What? What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women?"
• (David Schwimmer) "A little louder, okay? I think there's a man on the twelfth floor; in a COMA; who didn't hear you."

• (Matthew Perry) "Am I sexy in Tulsa?"

• (Matthew Perry) "All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers -- it doesn't make much of a difference."

• (Matthew Perry) "Where's Joey? His mom's on the phone."
• (Courteney Cox) "He's in the bathroom -- I don't think you wanna go in there."
• (Matthew Perry) "C'mon, we're roommates -- Aaaaaaaagh. My eyes. My eyes."

• (Matthew Perry) "Now, honey, I know you don't like to relinquish control --"
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh. Relinquish is just a fancy word for "lose"."

• (Susie) "How come all I can think about is putting that ice in my mouth and licking you all over?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Because I went to an all-boys high school and God is making up for it."

• (Matthew Perry) "How do you not fall down more often?"

• (Matthew Perry) "You know if your not careful, you could not get married at all this year."

• (Susie) "You know why I like you?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Because my parents sent me to an all-boys Boarding School and now God is making up for it?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Condoms?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "We don't know how long we're gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world."
• (Matthew Perry) "And condoms are the way to do that?"

• (Matthew Perry) "You know what they say, ask your slippers a question -- you're going crazy."

• (Matthew Perry) "Come on, I'll show you to my room -- Wow, that sounds weird when it's not followed by "No thanks, it's late"."

• (Matthew Perry) "The only way I would've said six would have been if I had said, "Let's meet at seven, not at six.""
• (Courteney Cox) "The only way I would've said seven, would have been if I had said, 'Wow, my boyfriend is such a wiseass -- Seven.'"

• (Matthew Perry) "Just reach over and pick it up --"
• (Matthew Perry) "There we go. Good save. Now it's all good and you're -- chewing someone else's gum. Oh, my God. Oh, my God."
• (Matthew Perry) "And now you're choking."
• (Jill Goodacre) "Are you okay?"

• (Matthew Perry) "All right. You guys don't have to stop having fun just 'cause I'm here. You don't have to feel bad, either. Kathy didn't cheat on all of you --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, except you."

• (Matthew Perry) "And this from the cry-for-help department: Are you wearing makeup?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani, actor slash model."
• (Matthew Perry) "That's funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman."

• (Matthew Perry) "Rachel, it's the Visa card people."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, okay. Will you take my place?"
• (Matthew Perry) "All right."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yes, this is Rachel."

• (Matthew Perry) "I'm thinking of having an affair with your wife. Oh, you know what, I just did."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Really?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No, freak show. She's fictional."

• (Matthew Perry) "Ding dong, the psycho's gone."

• (Matthew Perry) "Well actually, gum would be perfection."
• (Matthew Perry) "Gum would be perfection? Where did that come from? Coulda said thanks, coulda said I'll have a stick but no, for me, gum would be perfection. I loathe myself."

• (Matthew Perry) "Big head, big head, big head."

• (Matthew Perry) "Goodbye, you fruit drying psychopath."

• (Eddie) "This is kinda out of the blue, isn't it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No, no, no. This isn't out of the blue. This is smack dab in the middle of the blue."

• (Matthew Perry) "How can I dump this woman on Valentine's Day?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh man. In my next life I'm comin' back as a toilet brush."
• (Maggie Wheeler) "Hello Funny Valentine."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hello, Just Janice."

• (Matthew Perry) "And by the way, Count Rushmore doesn't exist."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh yeah? Then who's the guy who painted all the faces on the mountain?"

• (Matthew Perry) "I got her machine."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Her answering machine?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No. Interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up."

• (Matthew Perry) "Hey, you know, I have had it with you guys and your "cancer" and your "emphysema" and your "heart disease." The bottom line is smoking is cool and you know it."

• (Matthew Perry) "You took your eggs and you left. Do you really expect me never to find new eggs?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Too many jokes. Must mock Joey."

• (Matthew Perry) "Go with the Egg, my friend."

• (Matthew Perry) "Did you do it on our invitations?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Not on the ones we sent out."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, so it was on the ones, we had framed."

• (Matthew Perry) "Oh hey listen, don't be mad at him, it's our fault. I'm sorry we've been hoggin so much of his time."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, he's just really great to hang around with."
• (Richard) "Well --"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "No, I'm serious. Chandler and I were just talkin' about this. He is so much cooler than our dads."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I mean, you know, our dads are okay, you know? But Richard is just- ow, ow."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "What are you kickin' me for, huh? I'm tryin' to talk here."

• (Matthew Perry) "Whoa, whoa, so I'm guessing you didn't get the part -- or Italy called and said it was hungry."

• (Matthew Perry) "So, is he house trained or is he going to leave little bathroom tiles all over the place?"

• (Julie) "You know, Chandler, in some cultures a third nipple is considered a mark of virility. The most desirable women dance naked around you so you can make your pick."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ah, would any of these cultures be in the tri-state area?"
• (Julie) "Sorry."

• (Matthew Perry) "We're getting a house."
• (Courteney Cox) "We're getting a baby."
• (Matthew Perry) "We're growing up."
• (Courteney Cox) "We sure are."
• (Matthew Perry) "So who's going to tell them?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Not it."
• (Matthew Perry) "Not it. Damn it."

• (Matthew Perry) "Aw -- oh that's right, I have no-one."

• (Matthew Perry) "You know, you're a great guy, Richard."
• (Richard) "Yeah. I hate that."

• (Matthew Perry) "She's on the other line, gonna call me back, she's on the other line, gonna call me back."
• (Courteney Cox) "Don't you still have to pee?"
• (Matthew Perry) "That's why I'm dancing."

• (Matthew Perry) "Oh she should not be wearing those pants. I say push her down the stairs."

• (Matthew Perry) "You know, I'm really glad we decided not to sleep together before the wedding."
• (Courteney Cox) "Me too."
• (Matthew Perry) "You know, I was, uh, thinking. If you and I had a big fight and broke up for a few hours --"
• (Courteney Cox) "Yeah?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Technically we could have sex again. So, what do you think -- bossy and domineering?"
• (Courteney Cox) "The wedding's off, sloppy and immature."
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh, wait. We can't, my cousin Cassie is in the guest room."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, get rid of her, obsessive and shrill."
• (Courteney Cox) "Shrill? The wedding's back on."

• (Matthew Perry) "I expect this from her, she's always been a Freudian nightmare."

• (Matthew Perry) "When did you start crapping money?"

• (Matthew Perry) "You have to stop the Q-Tip when there's resistance."

• (Matthew Perry) "When I get back it's going to be Chair City, and I'll be the one who's sitting on chairs."

• (Matthew Perry) "I'm not so good with the advice -- Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Fowl? No. Women? -- No."

• (Matthew Perry) "You made my girlfriend think."

• (Matthew Perry) "Could we BE more white trash?"

• (Matthew Perry) "-- And I'm not sure about this actor guy, because when he left a message and he heard my name "Chandler Bing", he said "Woah. Short message.""

• (Matthew Perry) "I am holding up these cushions as a symbol of my remorse. Though you may haveth anger now --"

• (Matthew Perry) "Can you see my nipples through this shirt?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No, but don't worry. I'm sure they're still there."

• (Matthew Perry) "You kissed my best Ross."

• (Matthew Perry) "I am an excellent secret keeper. I have kept all of out secrets."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "What secrets?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh no-no, Joey, I am not going to tell you because I am an excellent secret keeper."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "You'll tell me later?"
• (Matthew Perry) "You already know."

• (Matthew Perry) "Aaaaaand -- Hernia."

• (Matthew Perry) "If you can't do it you can't do it. That's the great thing about this game, it makes you want to kill yourself."

• (Matthew Perry) "When I get back it'll be Chair City, and I'll be the one who's sitting on Chairs."

• (Matthew Perry) "Stay -- stay. Good fake dog."

• (Unnamed) "Now, Chandler, I'm going to need this back on Tuesday."
• (Matthew Perry) "If you say so, Sir."

• (Matthew Perry) "Eww, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock in my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too."
• (David Schwimmer) "Okay, I think it's time to change someone's nicotine patch."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now."

• (Matthew Perry) "What are you guys like a gang or something?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, we are."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "We're the Cobras."

• (Matthew Perry) "Ok, I'm just going to go outside."
• (David Schwimmer) "Whoa, whoa, hold it."
• (Matthew Perry) "Don't worry. I'm not going to run away again. I just want to get some fresh air."
• (David Schwimmer) "Ok."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ahh, fresh air --"

• (Matthew Perry) "Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream."
• (David Schwimmer) "Ah, the lesser known "I Don't Have a Dream" speech."

• (Matthew Perry) "We just think Emily might be being a bit -- unreasonable."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yes. Yes. Unreasonable."

• (Matthew Perry) "Now you stay out here and you think about what you did."
• (David Schwimmer) "That's a duck."
• (Matthew Perry) "That's a bad duck."

• (Matthew Perry) "That was pretty intense, huh?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah. Hey, I hope Ross didn't think that we just went in there because we were uncomfortable being out here."
• (Matthew Perry) "I hope he did."

• (Matthew Perry) "Full bag -- warm bowl -- something horrible must have happened here."

• (Matthew Perry) "I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name."

• (Matthew Perry) "Do you have the revised Annual Network Usage Summary?"
• (Unnamed) "We haven't seen an ANUS this bad since the 70s."

• (Matthew Perry) "Where is Ross at? Hasn't he checked out yet?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Are you kidding me? It's not 11:00 yet that means Ross still has 11 mins to check out of the hotel, and Ross has NEVER checked out of a hotel early."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh yeah that's right. One time Ross and I were at a hotel and we got a late check out -- Ross was so happy it was the best sex we ever had."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Ohhhhhhh."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "That is until he screamed out RADISON at the end."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah that'll kill it."

• (Matthew Perry) "That's no good, I'm starting to yearn."

• (Matthew Perry) "You rent out these tuxes to celebrities for award shows."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah."
• (Matthew Perry) "You mean these tuxes have been down the red carpet with people screaming "Wow. You look fabulous." at them?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Honey, could I recommend watching a little bit more "ESPN" and a little less "E."?"

David Schwimmer as Ross

• (David Schwimmer) "What are you doing tonight?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Why, do you have a lecture?"
• (David Schwimmer) "No."
• (Matthew Perry) "Free as a bird, what's up?"

• (David Schwimmer) "Stupid British snack food."
• (Matthew Perry) "Did they teach you that in your anger management class?"

• (Unnamed) "Watch out for this guy. They say he's looking for some kind of Hot Girl."
• (David Schwimmer) "Who isn't?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Hi, I'm Ross, I'm new to the building."
• (Unnamed) "Yes, you were the one who didn't chip in for the handyman."
• (David Schwimmer) "Never mind."
• (Unnamed) "Actually, I thought it was unfair the way everyone reacted. You had just moved in."
• (David Schwimmer) "I had just moved in. Thank you."

• (David Schwimmer) "Wow, Joey, that's a steamy picture."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, I know. The magazine said it was for my gay fans."
• (David Schwimmer) "Why'd you wink at me?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Don't look at me. You're the one who like the picture so much."

• (David Schwimmer) "C'mon man, just take 'em off, just take 'em off and we'll have some fun."

• (David Schwimmer) "You guys won't believe what I have to do for work today."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yes, but Ross you chose a career of talking about dinosaurs."

• (David Schwimmer) "I want someone who gets my heart pounding"
• (David Schwimmer) "-- Someone who --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Little play things with yarn?"
• (David Schwimmer) "What?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Could you want her more?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Who?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Dee the sarcastic sister from "What's Happening"."

• (David Schwimmer) "Why, it's like I've been given the gift of time."
• (Matthew Perry) "That's great. Last year I got the gift of space. We should get together and make a continuum."

• (David Schwimmer) "First divorce: wife's hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second divorce: said the wrong name at the altar, kind of my fault. Third divorce: they shouldn't let you get married when you're that drunk and have stuff drawn all over your face, Nevada's fault."

• (David Schwimmer) "So, uh, how long are you going to punish him?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Five years."
• (David Schwimmer) "You've sentenced him?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, don't do the crime if you can't do the time."

• (David Schwimmer) "I figured after work, I'd pick up a bottle of wine, go over there, and try to -- woo her."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hey, you know what you should do? Take her back to the 1800's when that phrase was last used."

• (David Schwimmer) "You're crazy."
• (Benjamin Hobart) "Crazy? Or -- Romantic?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Crazy."
• (Benjamin Hobart) "Ooor --"
• (David Schwimmer) "Get out."

• (David Schwimmer) "Oh. Oh. Thank God, most women don't even feel them."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Okay, no uterus, no opinion."

• (David Schwimmer) "My dad wanted to know if you wanted to play racquetball with us."
• (Courteney Cox) "Wow. That's great. Dad must really like you, he doesn't ask just anyone to play."
• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah and he didn't really ask for you, he asked for Chancy, I assumed he meant you."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, did-did you correct him?"
• (David Schwimmer) "No, I-I thought it would be more fun this way."

• (David Schwimmer) "I grew up in a house with Monica, okay. If you didn't eat fast, you didn't eat."

• (David Schwimmer) "Ugly Baby Judges you."

• (David Schwimmer) "I made Marcel's favorite: Banana cake --"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Mmm."
• (David Schwimmer) "-- with mealworm."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Ugh."

• (David Schwimmer) "Hey, remember when I had a monkey? Yeah, what was I thinking?"

• (David Schwimmer) "NO FALAFEL FOR YOU."

• (David Schwimmer) "Say something. Say anything. Nothing you say could make this situation worse. Oh my God, this is the longest that anyone has not spoken EVER."
• (David Schwimmer) "I haven't had sex in a very long time."
• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah you really shouldn't have said anything."

• (David Schwimmer) "So I don't know if he's testing me or just acting out but my monkey is OUT OF CONTROL --. He keeps erasing the messages on my machine."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh yeah -- I've done that"
• (David Schwimmer) "And a few days ago he got to the newspaper before I did and peed all over the crossword."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "I've never done that"
• (David Schwimmer) "And last night I don't know what he did but there were capers EVERYWHERE."

• (David Schwimmer) "We were on a break."

• (David Schwimmer) "Ok, look. You don't have to get married. We can just go home and take a shower. That's not so scary is it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Depends on what you mean by "we"."

• (David Schwimmer) "I went through the same thing with Carol and you know what I did? I got dressed really quickly."

• (David Schwimmer) "You got me a cola drink."
• (Matthew Perry) "And a LEMON LIME."
• (David Schwimmer) "You shouldn't have. I feel like I should get you another sweater."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "And last but not least."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "They're RIBBED FOR YOUR PLEASURE."

• (David Schwimmer) "I would date her but there is a big age difference."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Well think about it when you're 90 --"
• (David Schwimmer) "I know, she'll be 80 and it won't be such a big difference."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "No. What I was gonna say is when you're 90 you'll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old."

• (David Schwimmer) "Did you see the kid on that nose?"

• (David Schwimmer) "Hey who is this Casey? Why's he calling Rachel?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance -- You know make a little love -- Well pretty much get down tonight --"

• (David Schwimmer) "You know, we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half human, half pure evil."

• (David Schwimmer) "Okay, there you go."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Sure. Sure, I'll just sit next to the -- transsexual from purchasing."

• (David Schwimmer) "This is just classic Rachel. You're off in Rachel land with no thought for people's feelings or monkeys."

• (David Schwimmer) "All right, I'll tell you why you're a bad driver. You're fast and irresponsible."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Well, excuse me but in high school that made me head cheerleader."

• (David Schwimmer) "That sandwich was the one good thing in my life. Someone ate the one good thing in my life."

• (David Schwimmer) ""Ooh, I must Take a Mental Picture"."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You were making fun of Parker? Okay so he's Positive and Energetic and maybe that's a bit much, but I like that about him. You wanna know what I think? I think your collective dating record reads like a Who's Who of Human Crap."
• (David Schwimmer) "-- What was wrong with Mona?"

• (David Schwimmer) "I guess I should have known -- we'd be out somewhere, and a beautiful woman would go by, and Carol would go, "Ross, look at her." And I'd think, "My wife is cool.""

• (David Schwimmer) "We were on a break."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, my God. If you say that one more time, I'm going to break up with you."

• (David Schwimmer) "Hi --"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Pfft -- This guy says, "Hello, " I wanna kill myself."

• (David Schwimmer) "Wow. This is the first time I've walked down the aisle without the possibility of it ending in divorce."

• (David Schwimmer) "Mississippilessly?"

• (David Schwimmer) "Oh, I gotta go, kids -- I got Lamaze class."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh. And I got Earth Science but I'll catch you in gym?"

• (David Schwimmer) "Curie."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Veto. Rain."
• (David Schwimmer) "Veto. Mark."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Veto. Vince."
• (David Schwimmer) "Veto. Lance."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Veto. James."
• (David Schwimmer) "Hmmm --"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "If it's a girl."
• (David Schwimmer) "Veto."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Is it just me, or is Vito beginning to sound real good?"

• (David Schwimmer) "Wow."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hey stop staring at my wife's legs. No, no, stop staring at your sister's legs"

• (David Schwimmer) "Does little Ross like dinosaurs by any chance?"
• (Mr. Zelner) "Yeah, they're all he talks about, why?"
• (David Schwimmer) "How would he like to come with me to the Museum of Natural History after everyone else has left, just the two of us, and he can touch anything he wants."
• (David Schwimmer) "I just heard it as you must have heard it and that's not good. Let me start again. I'm a paleontologist, you'll be there with us and the touching refers only to bones; fossils."

• (David Schwimmer) "All of which proves that I thought of Jurassic Park first."

• (David Schwimmer) "Gunther, six glasses."
• (James Michael Tyler) "Six? You want me to join you?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Oh, I thought Joey was here. Five will be fine."
• (David Schwimmer) "Boy I'm gonna get spit in my coffee, now."

• (David Schwimmer) "I can't wait to play with you all day, and to hear your first words."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Why are you letting him talk to your crotch that way?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "He's talking to the baby."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, that's good. Because when I heard, "I can't wait to hear your first words" I thought, "Boy that's some trick.""

• (David Schwimmer) "This is so exciting, I haven't seen my monkey in almost a year."
• (Matthew Perry) "What, you never look down in the shower?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, please. I'm not allowed to make one joke in the monkey-is-penis genre?"

• (David Schwimmer) "There's going to be Hoopla?"

• (David Schwimmer) "Oh my God. Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "I got off the plane."

• (David Schwimmer) "A no sex pact. I have one of those with every woman in America."

• (David Schwimmer) "You're going to destroy the Whole Illusion of the Party."

• (David Schwimmer) "What the hell are you doing, you scared the crap out of me."

• (David Schwimmer) "Because women never like Joey. You know, I hear he's a virgin?"

• (David Schwimmer) "Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and won."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ross came fourth and cried."

• (David Schwimmer) "Good, good, good. So, is uh, was your moustache, did, used to be different?"
• (Richard) "No."
• (David Schwimmer) "Oh. How do you uh, ya know, keep it so neat?"
• (Richard) "I have a little comb."
• (David Schwimmer) "Oh. And what do you call that?"
• (Richard) "A moustache comb."

• (David Schwimmer) "Cat."

• (David Schwimmer) "It's Joey, I love Joey."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Joey lives with a duck."

• (Mike Hanigan) "You're not gonna try and make me join a cult are you?"
• (David Schwimmer) "No --"
• (Mike Hanigan) "Oh okay. You just have that look."
• (David Schwimmer) "Damn SuperCuts."

Courteney Cox as Monica

• (Courteney Cox) "Joey, did you actually interview her before you asked her to move in?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Of course I did."
• (Courteney Cox) "Well, what did you ask her?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "'When can you move in?'."

• (Courteney Cox) "Wow. You're a really good kisser."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, I have kissed more than four women."

• (Courteney Cox) "Whoa. Where you going in those pants? 1982?"

• (Courteney Cox) "I like it even better on you than on Colonel Sanders."
• (David Schwimmer) "Look, I just came here to tell you guys something."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh. Was it how you invented the cotton gin?"

• (Courteney Cox) "There are no jobs for me."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Wait, here's one. Um, would you be willing to cook naked?"
• (Courteney Cox) "There's an ad for a naked chef?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "No. But if you'd be willing to COOK naked, you might be willing to DANCE naked."

• (Dr. Leonard Green) "So, Geller, is this what you dumped my Rachel for,"
• (Dr. Leonard Green) "so you could hang around with this tramp."
• (Courteney Cox) "Tramp ?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Oh, uh; Dr. Green, Mona; Mona, Dr. Green."

• (Courteney Cox) "So you wanna?"
• (Matthew Perry) "OK."
• (Matthew Perry) "I can't."
• (Courteney Cox) "Well you're not 18 anymore, but give it a minute."
• (Matthew Perry) "I can't because of Emma."
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh, Emma, Sweetie, I forgot you were here."

• (Courteney Cox) "Now, most guys will hit uh, 1-2-3 and then go to 7 and set up camp."
• (Matthew Perry) "That-that's bad?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Well if you go to Disneyland, you don't spend the whole day on the Materhorn."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well you might if it were anything like 7."

• (Courteney Cox) "That's probably because their nerves are deadened from being so stupid."

• (Courteney Cox) "Did you know she has like a hundred pairs of shoes, and she'll let you borrow them?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah, and then you stretch them out with your big ol' clown feet --"
• (Courteney Cox) "You want to sleep outside, 'cos it's getting cold."

• (Courteney Cox) "My motto is get out before they go down."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "That is so not my motto."

• (Courteney Cox) "Are you sure you peed on the stick right?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "How many ways are there to do that?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Chandler, it's okay. You don't have to be so macho all the time."
• (Matthew Perry) "I'm not macho."
• (Courteney Cox) "You're right. I don't know what I was thinking."

• (Courteney Cox) "Can't we tell your parents first?"
• (Richard) "They're both dead."
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh, you are so lucky."

• (Courteney Cox) "I can't believe my dad saw us having sex. He didn't make it to one of my piano recitals, but this he sees."

• (Courteney Cox) "Do you ever think about the future?"
• (Richard) "Yeah, I think about the future."
• (Courteney Cox) "Am I in it?"
• (Richard) "You are my future."
• (Courteney Cox) "Honey, you are about to get so lucky."

• (Courteney Cox) "Is it me? Is it like I have a beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Damn the jellyfish. Damn ALL the jellyfish."

• (Courteney Cox) "There may be something we can fashion."

• (Courteney Cox) "Okay, just don't go swimming right after you eat."
• (Matthew Perry) "You know that's not really true."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Try telling that to my Uncle Vinnie."
• (Matthew Perry) "Why? What happened to him?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Nothing; he just really believes that."

• (Courteney Cox) "Pack your things, we're going to Vegas."
• (Matthew Perry) "You mean, we're just gonna elope? This is great. We're gonna save so much money. And, no more pain-in-the-ass planning."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, we're not going to elope. We have so much money, could our wedding please be bigger?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Hi."
• (Matthew Perry) "You are not gonna believe what I did today."
• (Courteney Cox) "Well, clearly you didn't shower or shave."
• (Matthew Perry) "I got good. I played this game all day and now I rule. They should change the name to Ms. Chandler."
• (Matthew Perry) "Although, I hope they don't."
• (Courteney Cox) "Wait a minute, you staid home all day playing Ms. Pacman, while I was at work like some kind of chump?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, and I got all the top ten scores and erased Phoebe off the board. High five."
• (Courteney Cox) "What is the matter with your hand?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, I've been playing for like eight hours. It'll loosen up, come on check out the scores. Oh, and also look at the initials, their dirty words."
• (Courteney Cox) "Chandler, why would you do that?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Because it's awesome."
• (Courteney Cox) "You think this is clever?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, they only give you three letters, so after A.S.S., it is a bit of a challenge."
• (Courteney Cox) "Wait a minute, this one's not dirty."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, it is, when you put it together with that one."
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh, well, if you don't clear this off, you wont be getting those from me. Ben's coming tomorrow over to play this game, this can't be there."
• (Matthew Perry) "Come on, he wont even know what they mean."
• (Courteney Cox) "He's seven, not stupid."
• (Matthew Perry) "Have you talked to him lately?"
• (Courteney Cox) "All right, I'm just going to unplug it --"
• (Matthew Perry) "No, no, no, if you'll unplug it, then there will be nothing to show from my day. It would be like I was at work."
• (Matthew Perry) "Look at that, look at that, it's still there, this thing must have a primitive ROM chip."
• (Courteney Cox) "You gotta beat your scores."
• (Matthew Perry) "With the claw?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Fine, I'll do it. We gotta get this off the screen. Carol and Susan are still upset that you taught him "Pull my finger"."
• (Matthew Perry) "Pull my finger -- my hand is messed up."

• (Courteney Cox) "I am so jealous."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "You guys are really just right there.Aren't you?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yes -- Right where?"
• (Courteney Cox) "The beginning, where it's all sex and talking and sex and talking --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah you gotta love the talking."
• (Courteney Cox) "And the sex?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Alright we hadn't have sex yet. Okay. What's the big deal?This is special. I want our love to grow before moving to the next level."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, chandler, that is so nice."
• (David Schwimmer) "That is really nice -- Lying. No way is that the reason."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Why? Just because you're not mature enough to understand something like that?"
• (Matthew Perry) "He's right. I'm totally lying."
• (Courteney Cox) "Then what is it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Kathy's last boyfriend was Joey."
• (David Schwimmer) "And you're afraid you won't be able to fill his shoes?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No. I'm afraid I won't be able to make love as well as him."
• (David Schwimmer) "I was going for the metaphor."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yes and I was saying the actual words."
• (Courteney Cox) "Big deal. So Joey has had a lot of girlfriends. That doesn't mean he's great in bed."
• (Matthew Perry) "We share a wall. So either is great in bed, or she just liked to agree with him a lot."
• (Courteney Cox) "With you it's gonna be different. The sex is gonna be great because you guys are in love."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Just go for it Chandler."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah you should."
• (Matthew Perry) "All right. All right. I'll sleep with my girlfriend. But I'm just doing it for you guys."

• (Courteney Cox) "You wanted it to be a surprise."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, my God."
• (Courteney Cox) "Chandler, in all my life I never thought I would be so lucky as to fall in love with my best, my best --"
• (Courteney Cox) "There's a reason why girls don't do this."
• (Matthew Perry) "Okay, okay I'll do it. I thought, wait I can do this, I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, that you make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you let me I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Monica, will you marry me?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Yes."

• (Courteney Cox) "My motto is, get out before they go down."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "That is so not my motto."

• (Courteney Cox) "Whose little ball of paper is this?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, it's mine. I wrote a note to myself, and then I realized I didn't need, so I balled it up --"
• (Matthew Perry) "And now I wish I was dead."

• (Courteney Cox) ""Throbbing pens"? Don't wanna be around when he writes with those."

• (Courteney Cox) "Why must your family be Scottish?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Why must your family be Ross ?"

• (Courteney Cox) "So if your parents had stayed together you'd be able to answer a question like a normal person?"

• (Courteney Cox) "The sun is out."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hey, remember when I had corneas?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Listen, Rachel, I appreciate your situation but this is Valentine's Day. So, if you don't mind, would you please just go back home?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "What are you talking about? I live here."
• (David Schwimmer) "Happy Valentine's Day."
• (David Schwimmer) "Or, something to remember me by --"

• (Courteney Cox) "This has been like my dream ever since I got my first Easy-Bake Oven and opened "Easy Monica's Bakery"."

• (Courteney Cox) "You are just going to have to stop pissing me off."

• (Courteney Cox) "Okay, I've got a leg, three breasts, and a wing."
• (Matthew Perry) "How do you find clothes that fit?"

• (Courteney Cox) "I think I'd be great in a war. I'd, like, get all the medals."
• (Matthew Perry) "Before or after you're executed by your own troops?"

• (Courteney Cox) "I use my breasts to get people's attention."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "We both do that."

• (Courteney Cox) "Can you help me fold these napkins?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Sure."
• (Courteney Cox) "I'm gonna go across the hall and check on the yams."
• (Courteney Cox) "No -- no honey -- Not like that, we're not a barn dance. You wanna fold them like swans like I showed you at Christmas, remember?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah. It all came screaming back to me."

• (Courteney Cox) "So, how did you two meet?"
• (Morgan Fairchild) "Well, actually, it's a funny story --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Funny, "ha ha"? Or, funny-"

• (Courteney Cox) "Look, Chandler, I feel really bad about this. Please have this bachelor party."
• (Matthew Perry) "No."
• (Courteney Cox) "Stop being a baby and watch the hot woman get naked."
• (Matthew Perry) "-- All right."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "YEAH."
• (Matthew Perry) "But, I'm only doing this for you -- And Joey."
• (Courteney Cox) "Ok, so who's going to be there?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No, no, no. Just Ross and Joey is humiliating enough."
• (David Schwimmer) "Well, actually, I have a date tonight."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, I understand. What kind of guy would blow off a date for a fake bachelor party."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, baby, I'm not gonna make it tonight --"

• (Courteney Cox) "Chandler. It happens to lots of guys. You-you-you were probably tired, you had a lot of champagne, don't worry about it."
• (Matthew Perry) "I'm not worried, I'm uh, I'm fascinated. Y'know it's like uh, Biology. Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me."

• (Courteney Cox) "Stick out your tongue."
• (Matthew Perry) "Take off your shirt."

• (Courteney Cox) "Did you just smell my hair?"
• (Pete) "No."
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh my God, you still have feelings for me, don't you?"
• (Pete) "No I don't."
• (Courteney Cox) "None at all?"
• (Pete) "Okay I love you, is that so wrong?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Chandler. You're smoking again?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, yesterday I was smoking again, and today -- I'm smoking still --"

• (Courteney Cox) "How ya doin'?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, my apartment's not there anymore because I drank it."

• (Courteney Cox) "Guys can fake it? Unbelievable. The one thing that's ours."

• (Courteney Cox) "We have to talk."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, I'm getting a deja-vous. All right no I'm not."
• (Courteney Cox) "All right, we have to talk."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "There it is."

• (Courteney Cox) "Sex."
• (Matthew Perry) "Seriously. Answer faster."
• (Courteney Cox) "I'm sorry, sweetie. When she said "sex" I wasn't thinking of sex with you."
• (Matthew Perry) "It's like a big hug."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Ross, how about you? Sex or food?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Sex."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "What about sex or dinosaurs?"
• (David Schwimmer) "My God, it's like Sophie's Choice."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Joey, if you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I don't know it's too hard."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Come on, you have to answer."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Okay -- sex. No, food. No, uh -- I want both. I want girls on bread."

• (Courteney Cox) "You don't like the game, because you suck at it."
• (Matthew Perry) "I don't suck at it. It sucks. And you suck."

• (Courteney Cox) "Come on, I see you looking at other women's breasts all the time."
• (Matthew Perry) "You see that?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Do you see this?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Duhhhhhh?"

• (Courteney Cox) "You broke a little girl's leg?"
• (David Schwimmer) "I know. I feel horrible. Okay."
• (Matthew Perry) "Says here that a Muppet got whacked on Sesame Street last night."
• (Matthew Perry) "Where exactly were you around ten-ish?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Okay. Wait-wait-wait. Shhh."
• (Courteney Cox) "Okay, umm, I just wanna say that -- I love you guys so-so much and-and thank you for being here on my special night."
• (Courteney Cox) "Our special night. I mean it just wouldn't be my-our-our night, if you all weren't here to celebrate with me-us-Damnit."

• (Courteney Cox) "Thanks for showing me your semi-precious stone collection. You got 300 of them. It was fascinating. So, we still on for tonight?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Sure."
• (Courteney Cox) "Ok. Bye."
• (David Schwimmer) "Bye."
• (Matthew Perry) "Wow, you must be great in bed."

• (Courteney Cox) "I'll never have a first kiss again."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You'll have a last kiss."

• (Courteney Cox) "Now come on, Chandler, the Miami Vice soundtrack? Really?"
• (Matthew Perry) "They were just giving it away at the mall --"
• (Matthew Perry) "-- in exchange for money."

• (Courteney Cox) "What about friends of your grandmother's? Wouldn't they have the recipe?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Well, you know I may have relatives in France who would know. My grandmother said she got the recipe from her grandmother,"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Nestlé Toulouse."
• (Courteney Cox) "What was her name?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Nestlé Toulehouse."
• (Courteney Cox) "Nestle Toll House?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, you Americans always butcher the French language."

• (Courteney Cox) "Anyway, are you gonna get a handyman to install all this stuff?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No, I was going to do this all by myself."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "You're gonna do it?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah. Why, you don't think a woman can do this?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh, women can. You -- can't."

• (Courteney Cox) "Rach, it's the Visa card people."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, God, ask them what they want."
• (Courteney Cox) "Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? Yes, hold on."
• (Courteney Cox) "Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "But I haven't used my card in weeks."
• (Courteney Cox) "That is the unusual activity."

Jennifer Aniston as Rachel

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Of course I admire you Phoebe. You have principles. I don't have any."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Hey Ben, you know what? When you were a baby, you and I used to do all sorts of stuff together, coz I was your daddy's girlfriend."
• (Samantha Smith) "But you're not anymore."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No, no we're not."
• (Samantha Smith) "Coz you and dad were on a break."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "All right, well, if you must know -- I had a traumatic -- swing incident -- when I was little."
• (David Schwimmer) "Seriously?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yes, I was 4 years-old and I was on the swing and then all of a sudden my hair got tangled in the chain. And to get me out my mom had to; had to cut a big chunk of my hair."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "And it was uneven for weeks."
• (David Schwimmer) "And you made it through that? I wonder who's gonna play you in the movie."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Ok, fine. You can make fun of me. I do not want Emma going there."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "And I was thinking Claire Danes."

• (Jill Green) "All right, I'm leaving. Because I'm not going to spend one more day with someone whose out to sabotage my every move. That's you Rachel."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah, I got that."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "God, this is funny, look, this is a picture of one Halloween where she dressed up as a bride."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "And look, she made me carry her train, which was weird because I was Wonder Woman."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Mon, I'm gonna to check my messages."
• (Matthew Perry) "And you thought of that in there?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Well, nature called and she wanted to see who else did."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Ok, Joey, we'll do it one more time. Don't forget the rules -heads I win, tails you lose."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Just flip the coin."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Cool. "Urkel" in Spanish is "Urkel.""

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yes, Phoebe, but Jack gave up a Cow, and I gave up an Orthodontist."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Did you love him?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Well, there you go, Jack loved the Cow."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You gotta come with me."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Come where?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Wherever I go. Come on. You and me. We'll -- we'll start a new group. We're the best ones."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Okay, but try and get Joey, too."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Joey, you can't steal an award."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I'm not stealing it. I'm accepting it on her behalf."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "You don't even know what behalf means."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I know what it means. It's a verb. As in, I behalfing it."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "See? Unisex."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Maybe you need sex. I just had it a few days ago."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No, Joey, U-N-I-sex."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I wouldn't say no to that."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "I'm not someone who goes after a guy five minutes after he's divorced."
• (Courteney Cox) "No, you go after them five minutes before they get married --"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Wow, must have been Drake."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "So are things between you and Joey getting any better?"
• (Matthew Perry) "It couldn't get any worse. Last night, I spent eight hours calling him, trying to get him to talk to me."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, wow. Eight hours. So you could probably really use one of those plug-in telephone headsets, huh?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Should we all expect Christmas gifts that can be stolen from your office?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "You shouldn't."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Ooh look, she's touching his leg."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh you see, that's probably nothing she's very sexually aggressive."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, y'know what you should get 'em? One of those little uh, portable CD players."
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh, I already have one."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Not unless someone borrowed it and left it at the gynecologist."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah, and-and-and by someone, she means Joey."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "-- Are we still talking about sex?"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Joey, I'm really sorry that I lied to you. I was just trying to make things --"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I know. I know."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "It kinda worked. I mean you know, I don't know about you but I haven't thought about our thing since all this."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey you're right. Yeah, it's kinda been like us again a little bit."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah I know. I miss that."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Me too. I mean I -- haven't thought at all about how I put myself out there and said all that stuff and how you didn't feel the same way about me and-and how it was really awkward."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "My gynecologist tried to kill me."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Aw, this is a present from my boyfriend. It's a Love Bug, ha."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You don't just flit off to Vermont as soon as you meet someone."
• (Courteney Cox) "You flitted off to Vail as soon as you met Barry."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "For once, could you not just remember every little thing?"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Come on, Monica. They are Cute Doctors."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Doctors who are"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Cute."
• (Matthew Perry) "So what have we learned so far? Rachel, what's all this about you and Doctors? I mean, was your Father a Doctor?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "-- Yes."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Hey, just so you know: it's not that common, it doesn't "happen to every guy, " and it is a big deal."
• (Matthew Perry) "I knew it."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Can you take care of Emma just for today?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Sure, just lend me your breasts and we'll be on our way."

• (Unnamed) "So, you work at Bloomindales -- My mom calls it Bloomies."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah, ok, At ease soldier."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You didn't finish reading it?"
• (David Schwimmer) "It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for eighteen pages; front and back."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Didn't the chick and the duck di --"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "-ve, dive. Yeah, they dove. Head first into fun on the farm."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Thank you for my beautiful earrings, they're perfect. I love you."
• (David Schwimmer) "Oh, now you can exchange them if you want, okay?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Now I love you even more."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, it was horrible. He called me "young lady"."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ugh, I hate when my father calls me that."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You promised you would break up with her."
• (Matthew Perry) "I did break up with her. She just took it really, really well."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Wha -- married?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Well, yeah, I think we should get married."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "What? Because that's your answer to everything?"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You just grabbed some insane woman at the Coffee House?"
• (David Schwimmer) "None of the Sane ones wanted to come back with me."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "I will have the uh,"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "side salad."
• (Unnamed) "And what will that be on the side of?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Uh, I don't know. Why don't you put it right here next to my water?"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You always have to be right."
• (David Schwimmer) "I do not always- I'm not doing this."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Jurassic Park could happen."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "I've never been to an analyst."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "And it shows."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Do you know the only person who'd wanna listen to this? A mental health professional. And that's only because they get paid a hundred dollars an hour."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "How about for a girl, Rain?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Rain? "Hi, my name is Rain. I have my own kiln and my dress is made out of wheat.""
• (Lisa Kudrow) "I know her."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "-- How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?"
• (Unnamed) "Three."
• (David Schwimmer) "Just three? I'm dilated three."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Come on. You guys can pee standing up."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "I have got your money, and you'll never see it, and your fly's still open"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "ha, I made you look."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "I mean, is that woman capable of talking about anything else but sex?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah sure. Well, you know earlier she was talking about geography."
• (Courteney Cox) "Joey, she was listing the countries she's done it in."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Well, I think we all learned something."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Well, oh, Mark, I'm doing this for the wrong reasons, y'know? I'm just doing it to get back at Ross. I'm sorry, it's not very fair to you."
• (Mark) "Ahh. Fair, schmair. Y'know? Look, if you want to get back at Ross, I am here for you. Really? No-no, I say-I say, I say we get back at him right on this couch. Right here."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Sorry."
• (Mark) "Okay. I'll just go home and get back at him by myself."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You don't want to try things too fast. You know what happened to the girl who tried things too fast?"
• (Jill Green) "No. What?"
• (Je

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change and want to let us know, please fill in the form below. Include the time in the film/video if possible so we can find it.