Friends (season 3) Quotes

Friends is a TV show that first aired in 1996 on NBC. Friends completed its run in 1997.

Friends aired for 25 episodes.

The cast includes: Matthew Perry as Chandler, Matt LeBlanc as Joey, Jennifer Aniston as Rachel, Matt LeBlanc as Joey Tribbiani, Courteney Cox as Monica, David Schwimmer as Ross, Lisa Kudrow as Phoebe, Christine Taylor as Ben, Maggie Wheeler as Janice, James Michael Tyler as Gunther, Courteney Cox as Mona, Jon Favreau as Pete, Tom Selleck as Richard, Courteney Cox as Jack Geller, Dina Meyer as Kate Miller, Ben Stiller as Tommy, Maggie Wheeler as Janine, Matt LeBlanc as Gloria Tribbiani, Steven Eckholdt as Mark, and Suzanna Voltaire as Margha.

Friends Quotes

Jennifer Aniston as Rachel

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Didn't the chick and the duck di --"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "-ve, dive. Yeah, they dove. Head first into fun on the farm."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow?"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You gotta come with me."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Come where?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Wherever I go. Come on. You and me. We'll -- we'll start a new group. We're the best ones."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Okay, but try and get Joey, too."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Mon, I'm gonna to check my messages."
• (Matthew Perry) "And you thought of that in there?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Well, nature called and she wanted to see who else did."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Ooh look, she's touching his leg."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh you see, that's probably nothing she's very sexually aggressive."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Are you sure that on some level you don't want to take off my bra?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I don't have another level."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Wow, must have been Drake."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Who's FICA? Why is he getting all my money?"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "I've never asked a guy out before."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You've never asked a guy out?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No. Have you?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Thousands of times. That doesn't make me sound too good, does it?"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "I'm tired of getting clobbered."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Ever since I was humiliated, I've not been in a very museum-benefitty sort of place."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "-- Are we still talking about sex?"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "All right, well, if you must know -- I had a traumatic -- swing incident -- when I was little."
• (David Schwimmer) "Seriously?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yes, I was 4 years-old and I was on the swing and then all of a sudden my hair got tangled in the chain. And to get me out my mom had to; had to cut a big chunk of my hair."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "And it was uneven for weeks."
• (David Schwimmer) "And you made it through that? I wonder who's gonna play you in the movie."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Ok, fine. You can make fun of me. I do not want Emma going there."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "And I was thinking Claire Danes."

• (Jill Green) "All right, I'm leaving. Because I'm not going to spend one more day with someone whose out to sabotage my every move. That's you Rachel."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah, I got that."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "I don't know, you might be the first one."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Wha -- married?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Well, yeah, I think we should get married."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "What? Because that's your answer to everything?"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You didn't finish reading it?"
• (David Schwimmer) "It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for eighteen pages; front and back."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, it was horrible. He called me "young lady"."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ugh, I hate when my father calls me that."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "I mean, is that woman capable of talking about anything else but sex?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah sure. Well, you know earlier she was talking about geography."
• (Courteney Cox) "Joey, she was listing the countries she's done it in."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Well, I think we all learned something."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You don't want to try things too fast. You know what happened to the girl who tried things too fast?"
• (Jill Green) "No. What?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Well -- she died."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Do you know the only person who'd wanna listen to this? A mental health professional. And that's only because they get paid a hundred dollars an hour."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "How about for a girl, Rain?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Rain? "Hi, my name is Rain. I have my own kiln and my dress is made out of wheat.""
• (Lisa Kudrow) "I know her."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "How do we end up with these jerks? We're good people."
• (Courteney Cox) "Maybe we're like some kind of magnets."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch."
• (Courteney Cox) "There's more beer right?"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You know, Ben, I was your daddy's girlfriend."
• (Christine Taylor) "But you're not anymore. Because you were on a break."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Come on. You guys can pee standing up."

• (Joshua Burgin) "Oh God, that Special Bond again."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Well --"
• (Joshua Burgin) "Do you have a brother?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No, but one of my sisters had a very -- masculine energy."
• (Joshua Burgin) "And how did you get on?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, I don't talk to them, they're not very nice people."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "See? Unisex."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Maybe you need sex. I just had it a few days ago."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No, Joey, U-N-I-sex."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I wouldn't say no to that."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You always have to be right."
• (David Schwimmer) "I do not always- I'm not doing this."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Jurassic Park could happen."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Well, I guess it wasn't Cupid that brought her here after all."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "No, just another regular flying dwarf."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, honey. Don't get up. What do you need?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, no. Oh, nothing."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Come on. I am here to take care of you. What do you need? Anything."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Okay, I have a wedgie."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Okay, that is all you."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Come on, Monica. They are Cute Doctors."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Doctors who are"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Cute."
• (Matthew Perry) "So what have we learned so far? Rachel, what's all this about you and Doctors? I mean, was your Father a Doctor?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "-- Yes."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Aw, this is a present from my boyfriend. It's a Love Bug, ha."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "I have got your money, and you'll never see it, and your fly's still open"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "ha, I made you look."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Cool. "Urkel" in Spanish is "Urkel.""

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Can you take care of Emma just for today?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Sure, just lend me your breasts and we'll be on our way."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Ooh, I'm a man. Ooh, I have a penis. Ooh, I have to win money to exert my power over women."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "I will have the uh,"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "side salad."
• (Unnamed) "And what will that be on the side of?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Uh, I don't know. Why don't you put it right here next to my water?"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Joey, you can't steal an award."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I'm not stealing it. I'm accepting it on her behalf."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "You don't even know what behalf means."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I know what it means. It's a verb. As in, I behalfing it."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You promised you would break up with her."
• (Matthew Perry) "I did break up with her. She just took it really, really well."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Ok, Joey, we'll do it one more time. Don't forget the rules -heads I win, tails you lose."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Just flip the coin."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "I've never been to an analyst."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "And it shows."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Joey, I'm really sorry that I lied to you. I was just trying to make things --"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I know. I know."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "It kinda worked. I mean you know, I don't know about you but I haven't thought about our thing since all this."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey you're right. Yeah, it's kinda been like us again a little bit."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah I know. I miss that."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Me too. I mean I -- haven't thought at all about how I put myself out there and said all that stuff and how you didn't feel the same way about me and-and how it was really awkward."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "My gynecologist tried to kill me."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "I don't want my baby's first words to be "How You Doing""

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You don't just flit off to Vermont as soon as you meet someone."
• (Courteney Cox) "You flitted off to Vail as soon as you met Barry."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "For once, could you not just remember every little thing?"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yes, Phoebe, but Jack gave up a Cow, and I gave up an Orthodontist."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Did you love him?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Well, there you go, Jack loved the Cow."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Well, oh, Mark, I'm doing this for the wrong reasons, y'know? I'm just doing it to get back at Ross. I'm sorry, it's not very fair to you."
• (Steven Eckholdt) "Ahh. Fair, schmair. Y'know? Look, if you want to get back at Ross, I am here for you. Really? No-no, I say-I say, I say we get back at him right on this couch. Right here."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Sorry."
• (Steven Eckholdt) "Okay. I'll just go home and get back at him by myself."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Hey, just so you know: it's not that common, it doesn't "happen to every guy, " and it is a big deal."
• (Matthew Perry) "I knew it."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "So are things between you and Joey getting any better?"
• (Matthew Perry) "It couldn't get any worse. Last night, I spent eight hours calling him, trying to get him to talk to me."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, wow. Eight hours. So you could probably really use one of those plug-in telephone headsets, huh?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Should we all expect Christmas gifts that can be stolen from your office?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "You shouldn't."

Courteney Cox as Monica

• (Courteney Cox) "How ya doin'?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, my apartment's not there anymore because I drank it."

• (Courteney Cox) "Wow. You're a really good kisser."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, I have kissed more than four women."

• (Courteney Cox) "Listen, Rachel, I appreciate your situation but this is Valentine's Day. So, if you don't mind, would you please just go back home?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "What are you talking about? I live here."
• (David Schwimmer) "Happy Valentine's Day."
• (David Schwimmer) "Or, something to remember me by --"

• (Courteney Cox) "You broke a little girl's leg?"
• (David Schwimmer) "I know. I feel horrible. Okay."
• (Matthew Perry) "Says here that a Muppet got whacked on Sesame Street last night."
• (Matthew Perry) "Where exactly were you around ten-ish?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Look, Chandler, I feel really bad about this. Please have this bachelor party."
• (Matthew Perry) "No."
• (Courteney Cox) "Stop being a baby and watch the hot woman get naked."
• (Matthew Perry) "-- All right."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "YEAH."
• (Matthew Perry) "But, I'm only doing this for you -- And Joey."
• (Courteney Cox) "Ok, so who's going to be there?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No, no, no. Just Ross and Joey is humiliating enough."
• (David Schwimmer) "Well, actually, I have a date tonight."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, I understand. What kind of guy would blow off a date for a fake bachelor party."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, baby, I'm not gonna make it tonight --"

• (Courteney Cox) "Do you ever think about the future?"
• (Tom Selleck) "Yeah, I think about the future."
• (Courteney Cox) "Am I in it?"
• (Tom Selleck) "You are my future."
• (Courteney Cox) "Honey, you are about to get so lucky."

• (Courteney Cox) "You are just going to have to stop pissing me off."

• (Courteney Cox) "Now, are you his Mother or his Father? What? I've never seen one before. I never even got a chance to pretend I'm okay with it --"

• (Courteney Cox) "I use my breasts to get people's attention."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "We both do that."

• (Courteney Cox) "There may be something we can fashion."

• (Courteney Cox) "Chandler, it's okay. You don't have to be so macho all the time."
• (Matthew Perry) "I'm not macho."
• (Courteney Cox) "You're right. I don't know what I was thinking."

• (Courteney Cox) "Guys can fake it? Unbelievable. The one thing that's ours."

• (Courteney Cox) "What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, right --. Y'serious?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, yeah."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Everything you need to know is in that first kiss."
• (Courteney Cox) "Absolutely."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out."
• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that -- that's not why we bought the ticket."
• (Matthew Perry) "The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic -- basically just trying to stay awake."

• (Courteney Cox) "Joey, did you actually interview her before you asked her to move in?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Of course I did."
• (Courteney Cox) "Well, what did you ask her?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "'When can you move in?'."

• (Courteney Cox) "You wanted it to be a surprise."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, my God."
• (Courteney Cox) "Chandler, in all my life I never thought I would be so lucky as to fall in love with my best, my best --"
• (Courteney Cox) "There's a reason why girls don't do this."
• (Matthew Perry) "Okay, okay I'll do it. I thought, wait I can do this, I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, that you make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you let me I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Monica, will you marry me?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Yes."

• (Judy Geller) "Well, we'll get going."
• (Courteney Cox) "Bye."
• (Courteney Cox) "Hey. How come they get to leave?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, Jack is a great man. He fought for our country."
• (Courteney Cox) "No, he didn't. He pretended to be a Quaker to get out of Korea."

• (Courteney Cox) "So if your parents had stayed together you'd be able to answer a question like a normal person?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Chandler. It happens to lots of guys. You-you-you were probably tired, you had a lot of champagne, don't worry about it."
• (Matthew Perry) "I'm not worried, I'm uh, I'm fascinated. Y'know it's like uh, Biology. Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me."

• (Courteney Cox) "Chandler, you're panicking."
• (Matthew Perry) "Uh huh. Join me, won't you?"

• (Courteney Cox) "I like it even better on you than on Colonel Sanders."
• (David Schwimmer) "Look, I just came here to tell you guys something."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh. Was it how you invented the cotton gin?"

• (Courteney Cox) "I'll never have a first kiss again."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You'll have a last kiss."

• (Courteney Cox) "So, how did you two meet?"
• (Nora Bing) "Well, actually, it's a funny story --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Funny, "ha ha"? Or, funny-"

• (Courteney Cox) "There are no jobs for me."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Wait, here's one. Um, would you be willing to cook naked?"
• (Courteney Cox) "There's an ad for a naked chef?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "No. But if you'd be willing to COOK naked, you might be willing to DANCE naked."

• (Courteney Cox) "My motto is get out before they go down."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "That is so not my motto."

• (Courteney Cox) "Can't we tell your parents first?"
• (Tom Selleck) "They're both dead."
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh, you are so lucky."

• (Courteney Cox) "Come on, tell us."
• (Unnamed) "Yeah. Is she really 20?"
• (Tom Selleck) "I'm not telling you guys anything."
• (Courteney Cox) "Come on, Rich. It's my birthday, let me live vicariously."
• (David Schwimmer) "Dad, you really don't want to do that."
• (Courteney Cox) "Ahh, what's a little mid-life crisis between friends?"
• (Tom Selleck) "Jack, would you let it go?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Look, I know what you're going through. When I turned 50 I got my Porsche. You -- you got your own speedster."
• (Tom Selleck) "Guys, seriously, it's not like that."
• (Courteney Cox) "Tell you what, maybe one of these weekends you can borrow the car and I could --"
• (David Schwimmer) "Dad, I beg you not to finish that sentence."

• (Courteney Cox) "The sun is out."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hey, remember when I had corneas?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Did you just smell my hair?"
• (Jon Favreau) "No."
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh my God, you still have feelings for me, don't you?"
• (Jon Favreau) "No I don't."
• (Courteney Cox) "None at all?"
• (Jon Favreau) "Okay I love you, is that so wrong?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Pack your things, we're going to Vegas."
• (Matthew Perry) "You mean, we're just gonna elope? This is great. We're gonna save so much money. And, no more pain-in-the-ass planning."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, we're not going to elope. We have so much money, could our wedding please be bigger?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Are you sure you peed on the stick right?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "How many ways are there to do that?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Now, most guys will hit uh, 1-2-3 and then go to 7 and set up camp."
• (Matthew Perry) "That-that's bad?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Well if you go to Disneyland, you don't spend the whole day on the Materhorn."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well you might if it were anything like 7."

• (Courteney Cox) "I can't believe my dad saw us having sex. He didn't make it to one of my piano recitals, but this he sees."

• (Courteney Cox) "Look, Joey feels really bad for what happened. He thinks you hate him. He wants to move to Vermont."
• (David Schwimmer) "I don't hate him. It's just -- You know what, I'll go talk to him. It's not his fault."
• (Courteney Cox) "Thank you. He already asked me where he could exchange his dollars for Vermont money."

• (Courteney Cox) "Rach, it's the Visa card people."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, God, ask them what they want."
• (Courteney Cox) "Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? Yes, hold on."
• (Courteney Cox) "Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "But I haven't used my card in weeks."
• (Courteney Cox) "That is the unusual activity."

• (Courteney Cox) "Anyway, are you gonna get a handyman to install all this stuff?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No, I was going to do this all by myself."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "You're gonna do it?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah. Why, you don't think a woman can do this?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh, women can. You -- can't."

• (Courteney Cox) "Of course you could kick Chandler's ass, son."
• (Judy Geller) "You could kick any ass you wanted to."

• (Courteney Cox) "Damn the jellyfish. Damn ALL the jellyfish."

• (Courteney Cox) "Sex."
• (Matthew Perry) "Seriously. Answer faster."
• (Courteney Cox) "I'm sorry, sweetie. When she said "sex" I wasn't thinking of sex with you."
• (Matthew Perry) "It's like a big hug."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Ross, how about you? Sex or food?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Sex."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "What about sex or dinosaurs?"
• (David Schwimmer) "My God, it's like Sophie's Choice."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Joey, if you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I don't know it's too hard."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Come on, you have to answer."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Okay -- sex. No, food. No, uh -- I want both. I want girls on bread."

• (Courteney Cox) "My motto is, get out before they go down."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "That is so not my motto."

• (Courteney Cox) "I am so jealous."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "You guys are really just right there.Aren't you?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yes -- Right where?"
• (Courteney Cox) "The beginning, where it's all sex and talking and sex and talking --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah you gotta love the talking."
• (Courteney Cox) "And the sex?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Alright we hadn't have sex yet. Okay. What's the big deal?This is special. I want our love to grow before moving to the next level."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, chandler, that is so nice."
• (David Schwimmer) "That is really nice -- Lying. No way is that the reason."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Why? Just because you're not mature enough to understand something like that?"
• (Matthew Perry) "He's right. I'm totally lying."
• (Courteney Cox) "Then what is it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Kathy's last boyfriend was Joey."
• (David Schwimmer) "And you're afraid you won't be able to fill his shoes?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No. I'm afraid I won't be able to make love as well as him."
• (David Schwimmer) "I was going for the metaphor."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yes and I was saying the actual words."
• (Courteney Cox) "Big deal. So Joey has had a lot of girlfriends. That doesn't mean he's great in bed."
• (Matthew Perry) "We share a wall. So either is great in bed, or she just liked to agree with him a lot."
• (Courteney Cox) "With you it's gonna be different. The sex is gonna be great because you guys are in love."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Just go for it Chandler."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah you should."
• (Matthew Perry) "All right. All right. I'll sleep with my girlfriend. But I'm just doing it for you guys."

• (Courteney Cox) "Whoa. Where you going in those pants? 1982?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Okay, just don't go swimming right after you eat."
• (Matthew Perry) "You know that's not really true."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Try telling that to my Uncle Vinnie."
• (Matthew Perry) "Why? What happened to him?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Nothing; he just really believes that."

• (Courteney Cox) "I'm Rachel. I love Ross. I hate Ross. I love Ross. I hate Ross."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "I'm Monica. I can't get a boyfriend so I'll stumble across the hall and sleep with the first guy I find there."

• (Courteney Cox) "Chandler. You're smoking again?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, yesterday I was smoking again, and today -- I'm smoking still --"

• (Courteney Cox) "Did you know she has like a hundred pairs of shoes, and she'll let you borrow them?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah, and then you stretch them out with your big ol' clown feet --"
• (Courteney Cox) "You want to sleep outside, 'cos it's getting cold."

• (Courteney Cox) "Hey. Where's Joey?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Stick out your tongue."
• (Matthew Perry) "Take off your shirt."

• (Courteney Cox) ""Throbbing pens"? Don't wanna be around when he writes with those."

• (Courteney Cox) "I think I'd be great in a war. I'd, like, get all the medals."
• (Matthew Perry) "Before or after you're executed by your own troops?"

• (Courteney Cox) "We have to talk."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, I'm getting a deja-vous. All right no I'm not."
• (Courteney Cox) "All right, we have to talk."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "There it is."

• (Courteney Cox) "Darn it. There's no more soda."
• (Matthew Perry) "I'll go get some."
• (Courteney Cox) "Really?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, I would,"
• (Matthew Perry) "but I'm not your boyfriend."

• (Courteney Cox) "Okay. Wait-wait-wait. Shhh."
• (Courteney Cox) "Okay, umm, I just wanna say that -- I love you guys so-so much and-and thank you for being here on my special night."
• (Courteney Cox) "Our special night. I mean it just wouldn't be my-our-our night, if you all weren't here to celebrate with me-us-Damnit."

• (Courteney Cox) "Can you help me fold these napkins?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Sure."
• (Courteney Cox) "I'm gonna go across the hall and check on the yams."
• (Courteney Cox) "No -- no honey -- Not like that, we're not a barn dance. You wanna fold them like swans like I showed you at Christmas, remember?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah. It all came screaming back to me."

• (Courteney Cox) "You don't like the game, because you suck at it."
• (Matthew Perry) "I don't suck at it. It sucks. And you suck."

• (Courteney Cox) "Whose little ball of paper is this?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, it's mine. I wrote a note to myself, and then I realized I didn't need, so I balled it up --"
• (Matthew Perry) "And now I wish I was dead."

• (Courteney Cox) "Come on, I see you looking at other women's breasts all the time."
• (Matthew Perry) "You see that?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Do you see this?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Duhhhhhh?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Okay, I've got a leg, three breasts, and a wing."
• (Matthew Perry) "How do you find clothes that fit?"

Matthew Perry as Chandler

• (Matthew Perry) "What? What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women?"
• (David Schwimmer) "A little louder, okay? I think there's a man on the twelfth floor; in a COMA; who didn't hear you."

• (Matthew Perry) "Fowl? No. Women? -- No."

• (Matthew Perry) "I am holding up these cushions as a symbol of my remorse. Though you may haveth anger now --"

• (Matthew Perry) "How can I dump this woman on Valentine's Day?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh man. In my next life I'm comin' back as a toilet brush."
• (Maggie Wheeler) "Hello Funny Valentine."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hello, Just Janice."

• (Matthew Perry) "I can't say hump or screw in front of the b-a-b-y -- I just spelled the wrong words didn't I?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Well actually, gum would be perfection."
• (Matthew Perry) "Gum would be perfection? Where did that come from? Coulda said thanks, coulda said I'll have a stick but no, for me, gum would be perfection. I loathe myself."

• (Eddie) "This is kinda out of the blue, isn't it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No, no, no. This isn't out of the blue. This is smack dab in the middle of the blue."

• (Matthew Perry) "-- And I'm not sure about this actor guy, because when he left a message and he heard my name "Chandler Bing", he said "Woah. Short message.""

• (Matthew Perry) "Ding dong, the psycho's gone."

• (Matthew Perry) "Just reach over and pick it up --"
• (Matthew Perry) "There we go. Good save. Now it's all good and you're -- chewing someone else's gum. Oh, my God. Oh, my God."
• (Matthew Perry) "And now you're choking."
• (Jill Goodacre) "Are you okay?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Goodbye, you fruit drying psychopath."

• (Matthew Perry) "You wanna tell secrets? Okay. In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers."
• (David Schwimmer) "All right. Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-a-like contest and won."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ross came in fourth and cried."
• (David Schwimmer) "Chandler got drunk one night and slept with the woman who cleaned our dorm."
• (Matthew Perry) "That was you."
• (David Schwimmer) "Whatever dude. You kissed a guy."

• (Matthew Perry) "All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers -- it doesn't make much of a difference."

• (Matthew Perry) "Where is Ross at? Hasn't he checked out yet?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Are you kidding me? It's not 11:00 yet that means Ross still has 11 mins to check out of the hotel, and Ross has NEVER checked out of a hotel early."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh yeah that's right. One time Ross and I were at a hotel and we got a late check out -- Ross was so happy it was the best sex we ever had."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Ohhhhhhh."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "That is until he screamed out RADISON at the end."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah that'll kill it."

• (Matthew Perry) "You know, you're a great guy, Richard."
• (Tom Selleck) "Yeah. I hate that."

• (Matthew Perry) "And by the way, Count Rushmore doesn't exist."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh yeah? Then who's the guy who painted all the faces on the mountain?"

• (Matthew Perry) "When I get back it's going to be Chair City, and I'll be the one who's sitting on chairs."

• (Susie) "How come all I can think about is putting that ice in my mouth and licking you all over?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Because I went to an all-boys high school and God is making up for it."

• (Matthew Perry) "Am I sexy in Tulsa?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Hey, you know, I have had it with you guys and your "cancer" and your "emphysema" and your "heart disease." The bottom line is smoking is cool and you know it."

• (Matthew Perry) "That was pretty intense, huh?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah. Hey, I hope Ross didn't think that we just went in there because we were uncomfortable being out here."
• (Matthew Perry) "I hope he did."

• (Matthew Perry) "Where's Joey? His mom's on the phone."
• (Courteney Cox) "He's in the bathroom -- I don't think you wanna go in there."
• (Matthew Perry) "C'mon, we're roommates -- Aaaaaaaagh. My eyes. My eyes."

• (Matthew Perry) "I'm not so good with the advice -- Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"

• (Matthew Perry) "I got her machine."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Her answering machine?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No. Interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up."

• (Matthew Perry) "Were your parents HAPPY or something?"

• (Matthew Perry) "When did you start crapping money?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Monica, come on do you really think that she would steal from us, then come back and wear it right in front of you?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Don't you see? It's the PERFECT crime."
• (Matthew Perry) "She must have been planning this for years."

• (Matthew Perry) "Now, remember, Ben, keep your balance."
• (Christine Taylor) "Thanks, daddy."
• (David Schwimmer) "No, remember, Ben, two mommies, one daddy."

• (Matthew Perry) "I was being Shelley Winters from the Poseidon Adventure."
• (David Schwimmer) "I know."

• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, I know it must be important to you when you start chattering like a monkey."

• (Matthew Perry) "Aaaaaand -- Hernia."

• (Matthew Perry) "Condoms?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "We don't know how long we're gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world."
• (Matthew Perry) "And condoms are the way to do that?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Great show. Good work, Joey."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "You liked it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Liked it? I loved it."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "What did you like best about it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "I liked -- everything the whole show."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "What about the specifics?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Specifics? Specifics were the best part."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "What about the scene with the kangaroo?"
• (Matthew Perry) "I -- I was surprised to see a kangaroo in a World War I epic."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "You fell asleep. There was no kangaroo. They didn't take any of my suggestions."

• (Matthew Perry) "You took your eggs and you left. Do you really expect me never to find new eggs?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Rachel, it's the Visa card people."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, okay. Will you take my place?"
• (Matthew Perry) "All right."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yes, this is Rachel."

• (Matthew Perry) "All right, look if you absolutely have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for."

• (Matthew Perry) "Stay -- stay. Good fake dog."

• (Matthew Perry) "I am an excellent secret keeper. I have kept all of out secrets."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "What secrets?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh no-no, Joey, I am not going to tell you because I am an excellent secret keeper."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "You'll tell me later?"
• (Matthew Perry) "You already know."

• (Matthew Perry) "You know if your not careful, you could not get married at all this year."

• (Matthew Perry) "Now, honey, I know you don't like to relinquish control --"
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh. Relinquish is just a fancy word for "lose"."

• (Matthew Perry) "At least your middle name isn't Murial."
• (David Schwimmer) "Chandler M Bing? Your parents never gave you a chance, did they?"

• (Matthew Perry) "So, when's the big game gonna start?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You don't have to do that, Ross and Joey aren't here, you can watch the parade."

• (Matthew Perry) "We just think Emily might be being a bit -- unreasonable."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yes. Yes. Unreasonable."

• (Matthew Perry) "We're getting a house."
• (Courteney Cox) "We're getting a baby."
• (Matthew Perry) "We're growing up."
• (Courteney Cox) "We sure are."
• (Matthew Perry) "So who's going to tell them?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Not it."
• (Matthew Perry) "Not it. Damn it."

• (Matthew Perry) "Big head, big head, big head."

• (Matthew Perry) "Eww, Lambchop. How old is that sock? If I had a sock in my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too."
• (David Schwimmer) "Okay, I think it's time to change someone's nicotine patch."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now."

• (Matthew Perry) "How do you not fall down more often?"

• (Matthew Perry) "If you can't do it you can't do it. That's the great thing about this game, it makes you want to kill yourself."

• (Matthew Perry) "Ok, I'm just going to go outside."
• (David Schwimmer) "Whoa, whoa, hold it."
• (Matthew Perry) "Don't worry. I'm not going to run away again. I just want to get some fresh air."
• (David Schwimmer) "Ok."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ahh, fresh air --"

• (Unnamed) "Now, Chandler, I'm going to need this back on Tuesday."
• (Matthew Perry) "If you say so, Sir."

• (Matthew Perry) "You know what they say, ask your slippers a question -- you're going crazy."

• (Matthew Perry) "You know, I'm really glad we decided not to sleep together before the wedding."
• (Courteney Cox) "Me too."
• (Matthew Perry) "You know, I was, uh, thinking. If you and I had a big fight and broke up for a few hours --"
• (Courteney Cox) "Yeah?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Technically we could have sex again. So, what do you think -- bossy and domineering?"
• (Courteney Cox) "The wedding's off, sloppy and immature."
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh, wait. We can't, my cousin Cassie is in the guest room."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, get rid of her, obsessive and shrill."
• (Courteney Cox) "Shrill? The wedding's back on."

• (Matthew Perry) "The only way I would've said six would have been if I had said, "Let's meet at seven, not at six.""
• (Courteney Cox) "The only way I would've said seven, would have been if I had said, 'Wow, my boyfriend is such a wiseass -- Seven.'"

• (Matthew Perry) "You made my girlfriend think."

• (Matthew Perry) "When I get back it'll be Chair City, and I'll be the one who's sitting on Chairs."

• (Matthew Perry) "So, is he house trained or is he going to leave little bathroom tiles all over the place?"

• (Matthew Perry) "I got a job in advertising. Well, not a paying job. More of an internship. But, they hire people they like."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, we got interns on "Days of Our Lives"."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, it's the same thing -- except, less sex with you."

• (Matthew Perry) "Come on, I'll show you to my room -- Wow, that sounds weird when it's not followed by "No thanks, it's late"."

• (Matthew Perry) "You have to stop the Q-Tip when there's resistance."

• (Matthew Perry) "That's no good, I'm starting to yearn."

• (Matthew Perry) "Now you stay out here and you think about what you did."
• (David Schwimmer) "That's a duck."
• (Matthew Perry) "That's a bad duck."

• (Matthew Perry) "I know they call this a love seat but I'm not feeling anything special towards you --"

• (Nora Bing) "Hi, Chandler. This is Dennis. He's a great guy --"
• (Nora Bing) "-- and a fantastic lover."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hello, Dennis. Thank you for pleasing my mother so."

• (Matthew Perry) "My dad slept with Mr. Gribaldi."
• (Courteney Cox) "Who's Mr. Gribaldi?"
• (Matthew Perry) "DOES IT MATTER?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Full bag -- warm bowl -- something horrible must have happened here."

• (Matthew Perry) "Who's the Bitterest man in the living room/ the Bitterest man in the living room? Hello, Neighbour."

• (Matthew Perry) "I expect this from her, she's always been a Freudian nightmare."

• (Matthew Perry) "You can't come in."
• (Courteney Cox) "Why not?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Because, uh, Ross is naked."
• (David Schwimmer) "What?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, I couldn't tell her I was naked. She's allowed to see me naked."
• (David Schwimmer) "Why does anyone have to be naked?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew. Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster."

• (Matthew Perry) "She's on the other line, gonna call me back, she's on the other line, gonna call me back."
• (Courteney Cox) "Don't you still have to pee?"
• (Matthew Perry) "That's why I'm dancing."

• (Matthew Perry) "Whoa, whoa, so I'm guessing you didn't get the part -- or Italy called and said it was hungry."

• (Matthew Perry) "Oh hey listen, don't be mad at him, it's our fault. I'm sorry we've been hoggin so much of his time."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, he's just really great to hang around with."
• (Tom Selleck) "Well --"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "No, I'm serious. Chandler and I were just talkin' about this. He is so much cooler than our dads."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I mean, you know, our dads are okay, you know? But Richard is just- ow, ow."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "What are you kickin' me for, huh? I'm tryin' to talk here."

• (Matthew Perry) "Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it. I don't think that was my point."

• (Matthew Perry) "What are you guys like a gang or something?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, we are."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "We're the Cobras."

David Schwimmer as Ross

• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah, Tony, hold on."
• (David Schwimmer) "Hello? Yeah, she's right here. Hold on."
• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah, Tony I'll call you back. It's my sister's boyfriend."
• (Courteney Cox) "Give me that."
• (Courteney Cox) "Hi sweetie. Before I forget, did I leave my diaphragm at your house?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh, hi mom."

• (David Schwimmer) "Hey, Pheebs, you gonna have the rest of that Pop-Tart? Pheebs?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Hey, I might."

• (Unnamed) "Watch out for this guy. They say he's looking for some kind of Hot Girl."
• (David Schwimmer) "Who isn't?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Hi, I'm Ross, I'm new to the building."
• (Unnamed) "Yes, you were the one who didn't chip in for the handyman."
• (David Schwimmer) "Never mind."
• (Unnamed) "Actually, I thought it was unfair the way everyone reacted. You had just moved in."
• (David Schwimmer) "I had just moved in. Thank you."

• (David Schwimmer) "Oh. Oh. Thank God, most women don't even feel them."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Okay, no uterus, no opinion."

• (David Schwimmer) "I went through the same thing with Carol and you know what I did? I got dressed really quickly."

• (David Schwimmer) "Say something. Say anything. Nothing you say could make this situation worse. Oh my God, this is the longest that anyone has not spoken EVER."
• (David Schwimmer) "I haven't had sex in a very long time."
• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah you really shouldn't have said anything."

• (David Schwimmer) "Heating device."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Radiator."
• (David Schwimmer) "Five letters."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Rdatr."

• (David Schwimmer) "I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid."
• (Matthew Perry) "That's nice."
• (David Schwimmer) "No, no, with him. I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby. I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defense is comin' right at me."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Tampa Bay's got a terrible team."
• (David Schwimmer) "Right, but, it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinkin' they can take us. And so I uh, I just heave it downfield."
• (Matthew Perry) "What are you crazy? That's a baby."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "He should take the sack?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Anyway, suddenly I'm downfield, and I realize that I'm the one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there is no way I'm gonna get there in time, so I am running, and running, and that, that is when I woke up. See, I am so not ready to be a father."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one of the most caring, most responsible men in North America. You're gonna make a great dad."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, Ross. You and the baby just need better blocking."

• (David Schwimmer) ""Ooh, I must Take a Mental Picture"."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You were making fun of Parker? Okay so he's Positive and Energetic and maybe that's a bit much, but I like that about him. You wanna know what I think? I think your collective dating record reads like a Who's Who of Human Crap."
• (David Schwimmer) "-- What was wrong with Mona?"

• (David Schwimmer) "I think it'll be a boy."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "I think it'll be a girl."
• (David Schwimmer) "Phoebe, you thought Ben would be a girl."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Have you seen him throw a ball?"

• (David Schwimmer) "Uhh, excuse me. If I could have everybody's attention. I'm Ross Geller."
• (Courteney Cox) "DR. Ross Geller."
• (David Schwimmer) "Dad -- Please. Anyway, as I was saying, I'm Dr. Ross Geller --"

• (David Schwimmer) "Why, it's like I've been given the gift of time."
• (Matthew Perry) "That's great. Last year I got the gift of space. We should get together and make a continuum."

• (David Schwimmer) "Oh my God. Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "I got off the plane."

• (David Schwimmer) "I figured after work, I'd pick up a bottle of wine, go over there, and try to -- woo her."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hey, you know what you should do? Take her back to the 1800's when that phrase was last used."

• (David Schwimmer) "You're crazy."
• (Benjamin Hobart) "Crazy? Or -- Romantic?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Crazy."
• (Benjamin Hobart) "Ooor --"
• (David Schwimmer) "Get out."

• (David Schwimmer) "We were on a break."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, my God. If you say that one more time, I'm going to break up with you."

• (David Schwimmer) "What the hell are you doing, you scared the crap out of me."

• (David Schwimmer) "The door's closed. I can't see anything with the door closed."
• (Matthew Perry) "And the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave."

• (David Schwimmer) "Did you see the kid on that nose?"

• (David Schwimmer) "Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and won."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ross came fourth and cried."

• (David Schwimmer) "So, uh, what did the insurance company say?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, they said uh, "You don't have insurance here so stop calling us.""

• (David Schwimmer) "I would date her but there is a big age difference."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Well think about it when you're 90 --"
• (David Schwimmer) "I know, she'll be 80 and it won't be such a big difference."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "No. What I was gonna say is when you're 90 you'll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old."

• (David Schwimmer) "I grew up in a house with Monica, okay. If you didn't eat fast, you didn't eat."

• (David Schwimmer) "I love marriage."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Seriously? You? -- Divorce-O?"

• (David Schwimmer) "First divorce: wife's hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second divorce: said the wrong name at the altar, kind of my fault. Third divorce: they shouldn't let you get married when you're that drunk and have stuff drawn all over your face, Nevada's fault."

• (David Schwimmer) "Hi --"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Pfft -- This guy says, "Hello, " I wanna kill myself."

• (David Schwimmer) "Ok, look. You don't have to get married. We can just go home and take a shower. That's not so scary is it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Depends on what you mean by "we"."

• (David Schwimmer) "I want someone who gets my heart pounding"
• (David Schwimmer) "-- Someone who --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Little play things with yarn?"
• (David Schwimmer) "What?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Could you want her more?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Who?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Dee the sarcastic sister from "What's Happening"."

• (David Schwimmer) "I can't wait to play with you all day, and to hear your first words."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Why are you letting him talk to your crotch that way?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "He's talking to the baby."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, that's good. Because when I heard, "I can't wait to hear your first words" I thought, "Boy that's some trick.""

• (David Schwimmer) "Cat."

• (David Schwimmer) "It's Joey, I love Joey."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Joey lives with a duck."

• (David Schwimmer) "If you're going to call me names, I would prefer Ross, the Divorce Force. It's just cooler."

• (David Schwimmer) "Mississippilessly?"

• (David Schwimmer) "Hey who is this Casey? Why's he calling Rachel?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance -- You know make a little love -- Well pretty much get down tonight --"

• (David Schwimmer) "That sandwich was the one good thing in my life. Someone ate the one good thing in my life."

• (David Schwimmer) "Okay, there you go."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Sure. Sure, I'll just sit next to the -- transsexual from purchasing."

• (David Schwimmer) "Wow, Joey, that's a steamy picture."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, I know. The magazine said it was for my gay fans."
• (David Schwimmer) "Why'd you wink at me?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Don't look at me. You're the one who like the picture so much."

• (David Schwimmer) "All right, I'll tell you why you're a bad driver. You're fast and irresponsible."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Well, excuse me but in high school that made me head cheerleader."

• (David Schwimmer) "No divorces in '99."

• (David Schwimmer) "Can I borrow your blue tie? Emma spit on mine."
• (Matthew Perry) "Okay, but you'll have to give it back when I get a job. Of course, by then, ties will be obsolete and we'll all be wearing silver jumpsuits."

• (David Schwimmer) "My dad wanted to know if you wanted to play racquetball with us."
• (Courteney Cox) "Wow. That's great. Dad must really like you, he doesn't ask just anyone to play."
• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah and he didn't really ask for you, he asked for Chancy, I assumed he meant you."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, did-did you correct him?"
• (David Schwimmer) "No, I-I thought it would be more fun this way."

• (David Schwimmer) "Stupid British snack food."
• (Matthew Perry) "Did they teach you that in your anger management class?"

• (David Schwimmer) "Gunther, six glasses."
• (James Michael Tyler) "Six? You want me to join you?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Oh, I thought Joey was here. Five will be fine."
• (David Schwimmer) "Boy I'm gonna get spit in my coffee, now."

• (David Schwimmer) "Curie."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Veto. Rain."
• (David Schwimmer) "Veto. Mark."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Veto. Vince."
• (David Schwimmer) "Veto. Lance."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Veto. James."
• (David Schwimmer) "Hmmm --"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "If it's a girl."
• (David Schwimmer) "Veto."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Is it just me, or is Vito beginning to sound real good?"

• (David Schwimmer) "This is so exciting, I haven't seen my monkey in almost a year."
• (Matthew Perry) "What, you never look down in the shower?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, please. I'm not allowed to make one joke in the monkey-is-penis genre?"

• (David Schwimmer) "OK, how about Ruth?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, I'm sorry, are we having an 89 year old woman?"

• (David Schwimmer) "What are you doing?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Making chocolate milk. You want some?"
• (David Schwimmer) "No thanks, I'm 29."

• (David Schwimmer) "NO FALAFEL FOR YOU."

• (David Schwimmer) "Ugly Baby Judges you."

• (David Schwimmer) "This is just classic Rachel. You're off in Rachel land with no thought for people's feelings or monkeys."

• (David Schwimmer) "Because women never like Joey. You know, I hear he's a virgin?"

• (David Schwimmer) "Oh, really? Well, I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City."
• (Matthew Perry) "Du-ude."
• (Courteney Cox) "What happened in Atlantic City?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Well, Chandler and I are in a bar --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Did you not hear me say, "Du-ude"?"
• (David Schwimmer) "-- and this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after a while he just goes over to her and, uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what you're thinking. Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls. And you're right. Chandler's not the type of guy just goes to bars and makes out with girls."
• (Courteney Cox) "You kissed a guy? Oh my God."
• (Matthew Perry) "In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy."

• (David Schwimmer) "You got me a cola drink."
• (Matthew Perry) "And a LEMON LIME."
• (David Schwimmer) "You shouldn't have. I feel like I should get you another sweater."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "And last but not least."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "They're RIBBED FOR YOUR PLEASURE."

• (David Schwimmer) "I made Marcel's favorite: Banana cake --"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Mmm."
• (David Schwimmer) "-- with mealworm."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Ugh."

• (Mike Hanigan) "You're not gonna try and make me join a cult are you?"
• (David Schwimmer) "No --"
• (Mike Hanigan) "Oh okay. You just have that look."
• (David Schwimmer) "Damn SuperCuts."

• (David Schwimmer) "I guess I should have known -- we'd be out somewhere, and a beautiful woman would go by, and Carol would go, "Ross, look at her." And I'd think, "My wife is cool.""

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