Friends (season 4) Quotes

Friends is a TV program that first aired in 1997 on NBC. Friends ended its run in 1998.

Friends was on for 24 episodes.

The cast includes: Matthew Perry as Chandler, Matt LeBlanc as Joey, Jennifer Aniston as Rachel, Matt LeBlanc as Joey Tribbiani, Courteney Cox as Monica, David Schwimmer as Ross, Lisa Kudrow as Phoebe, Penn Jillette as Ben, Maggie Wheeler as Janice, James Michael Tyler as Gunther, Courteney Cox as Mona, Elliott Gould as Jack Geller, Christina Pickles as Judy Geller, Maggie Wheeler as Janine, Matt LeBlanc as Gloria Tribbiani, Christina Moore as Mark, Jennifer Saunders as Andrea Waltham, and Tate Donovan as Joshua Burgin.

Friends Quotes

Jennifer Aniston as Rachel

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Ever since I was humiliated, I've not been in a very museum-benefitty sort of place."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You just grabbed some insane woman at the Coffee House?"
• (David Schwimmer) "None of the Sane ones wanted to come back with me."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, it was horrible. He called me "young lady"."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ugh, I hate when my father calls me that."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "I'm not someone who goes after a guy five minutes after he's divorced."
• (Courteney Cox) "No, you go after them five minutes before they get married --"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Wha -- married?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Well, yeah, I think we should get married."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "What? Because that's your answer to everything?"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Joey, you can't steal an award."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I'm not stealing it. I'm accepting it on her behalf."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "You don't even know what behalf means."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I know what it means. It's a verb. As in, I behalfing it."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "I've never been to an analyst."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "And it shows."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Well, oh, Mark, I'm doing this for the wrong reasons, y'know? I'm just doing it to get back at Ross. I'm sorry, it's not very fair to you."
• (Christina Moore) "Ahh. Fair, schmair. Y'know? Look, if you want to get back at Ross, I am here for you. Really? No-no, I say-I say, I say we get back at him right on this couch. Right here."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Sorry."
• (Christina Moore) "Okay. I'll just go home and get back at him by myself."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Mon, I'm gonna to check my messages."
• (Matthew Perry) "And you thought of that in there?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Well, nature called and she wanted to see who else did."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Come on, Monica. They are Cute Doctors."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Doctors who are"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Cute."
• (Matthew Perry) "So what have we learned so far? Rachel, what's all this about you and Doctors? I mean, was your Father a Doctor?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "-- Yes."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You didn't finish reading it?"
• (David Schwimmer) "It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for eighteen pages; front and back."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "-- Are we still talking about sex?"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "See? Unisex."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Maybe you need sex. I just had it a few days ago."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No, Joey, U-N-I-sex."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I wouldn't say no to that."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Come on. You guys can pee standing up."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Can you take care of Emma just for today?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Sure, just lend me your breasts and we'll be on our way."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Aw, this is a present from my boyfriend. It's a Love Bug, ha."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "How about for a girl, Rain?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Rain? "Hi, my name is Rain. I have my own kiln and my dress is made out of wheat.""
• (Lisa Kudrow) "I know her."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "All right, well, if you must know -- I had a traumatic -- swing incident -- when I was little."
• (David Schwimmer) "Seriously?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yes, I was 4 years-old and I was on the swing and then all of a sudden my hair got tangled in the chain. And to get me out my mom had to; had to cut a big chunk of my hair."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "And it was uneven for weeks."
• (David Schwimmer) "And you made it through that? I wonder who's gonna play you in the movie."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Ok, fine. You can make fun of me. I do not want Emma going there."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "And I was thinking Claire Danes."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You don't just flit off to Vermont as soon as you meet someone."
• (Courteney Cox) "You flitted off to Vail as soon as you met Barry."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "For once, could you not just remember every little thing?"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Ooh look, she's touching his leg."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh you see, that's probably nothing she's very sexually aggressive."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You always have to be right."
• (David Schwimmer) "I do not always- I'm not doing this."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Jurassic Park could happen."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "How do we end up with these jerks? We're good people."
• (Courteney Cox) "Maybe we're like some kind of magnets."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch."
• (Courteney Cox) "There's more beer right?"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "God, this is funny, look, this is a picture of one Halloween where she dressed up as a bride."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "And look, she made me carry her train, which was weird because I was Wonder Woman."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow?"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "So are things between you and Joey getting any better?"
• (Matthew Perry) "It couldn't get any worse. Last night, I spent eight hours calling him, trying to get him to talk to me."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, wow. Eight hours. So you could probably really use one of those plug-in telephone headsets, huh?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Should we all expect Christmas gifts that can be stolen from your office?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "You shouldn't."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "I have got your money, and you'll never see it, and your fly's still open"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "ha, I made you look."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Do you know the only person who'd wanna listen to this? A mental health professional. And that's only because they get paid a hundred dollars an hour."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "I don't know, you might be the first one."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Ok, Joey, we'll do it one more time. Don't forget the rules -heads I win, tails you lose."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Just flip the coin."

• (Jill Green) "All right, I'm leaving. Because I'm not going to spend one more day with someone whose out to sabotage my every move. That's you Rachel."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah, I got that."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Wow, must have been Drake."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "-- How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?"
• (Unnamed) "Three."
• (David Schwimmer) "Just three? I'm dilated three."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You know, Ben, I was your daddy's girlfriend."
• (Penn Jillette) "But you're not anymore. Because you were on a break."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Who's FICA? Why is he getting all my money?"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You promised you would break up with her."
• (Matthew Perry) "I did break up with her. She just took it really, really well."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You don't want to try things too fast. You know what happened to the girl who tried things too fast?"
• (Jill Green) "No. What?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Well -- she died."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Cool. "Urkel" in Spanish is "Urkel.""

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yes, Phoebe, but Jack gave up a Cow, and I gave up an Orthodontist."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Did you love him?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Well, there you go, Jack loved the Cow."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Ooh, I'm a man. Ooh, I have a penis. Ooh, I have to win money to exert my power over women."

• (Unnamed) "So, you work at Bloomindales -- My mom calls it Bloomies."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah, ok, At ease soldier."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, y'know what you should get 'em? One of those little uh, portable CD players."
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh, I already have one."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Not unless someone borrowed it and left it at the gynecologist."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah, and-and-and by someone, she means Joey."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You gotta come with me."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Come where?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Wherever I go. Come on. You and me. We'll -- we'll start a new group. We're the best ones."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Okay, but try and get Joey, too."

Lisa Kudrow as Phoebe

• (Lisa Kudrow) "You know, this reminds me of the time I was living on the street and this guy said he'd buy me food if I slept with him. Because that was a real problem and this is just some High School crap."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "I think the most romantic song is the one that Elton John wrote for that guy from "who's the Boss?""
• (Courteney Cox) "Which one was that?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You know, uh, "Hold me closer, Tony Danza -- "."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Ok, I got an idea. If it's a girl, Phoebe, naturally. And, if it's a boy -- Phoebo."
• (David Schwimmer) "Uhh -- Sure, but let's not limit ourselves to just one name."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Ok, I got one. If it's a girl -- Sandrine. It's French."
• (David Schwimmer) "That's a great name -- for an industrial solvent."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Ok, you got a better one?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah, check this out. If it's a boy; Darwin."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yes, Ross, I do want a son who'll be regularly beaten in the schoolyard."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "By Sandrine."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "We can be guys. Come on, let us be guys."
• (Matthew Perry) "You don't want to be guys, you'd be all hairy and you wouldn't live as long."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Today is Mike and my one year anniversary."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh. What's it the anniversary of? Your first date? Your first kiss? The first time you had sex?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "There's no such thing as an innocent Burger."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "You got a haircut."
• (David) "Yeah, well, I got like, thirty of 'em."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Look, Joey, I know about your feelings."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh, you do?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah, and I don't think it could happen."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I know. I mean it's not just my friend Rachel, it's my pregnant with Ross's child friend Rachel."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Uhh -- Yeah, Rachel, I mean you two are friends."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Kick me in the stomach why don't you."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "What?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Nothing. You know, maybe it's just a crush, it doesn't mean you love her."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "You think?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah. I mean I've had them for you guys -- except for Ross and Chandler. I'm sure you had them for us before, right?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "No, not really."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Throw me a friggin' bone here, will ya?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hello, my name is Clunkers. May I please stay with you nice people?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "PICK UP THE SOCK. PICK UP THE SOCK. PICK UP THE SOCK."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Ok, I need to get this right so give me a sec --"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yo, dude. Eleven o'clock, totally hot babe checkin' you out."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Come on Ross, you're a paleontologist, dig a little deeper."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Stop, you guys. Look what you're doing to Chandler."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "A plate of brownies once told me a Limerick."
• (Matthew Perry) "Let me ask you, Phoebe: were these "funny brownies"?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Not particularly. Although I do think they had pot in them."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Are you kidding, that woman has the nose of a bloodhound. And the breasts of a Greek Goddess --"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "It's because of stuff like this that you're BURNING IN HELL."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "It's raining. I don't like to fly in the rain."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh, I'm going to go for a walk in the rain."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh -- me too."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Huh. I bet they're doing it."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, I can't believe you. You've been so good, for three years."
• (Matthew Perry) "And this- is my reward."
• (David Schwimmer) "Hold on a second, all right? Just think about what you went through the last time you quit."
• (Matthew Perry) "Okay, so this time I won't quit."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, my god. You had sex."
• (Courteney Cox) "No, we didn't."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "I know YOU didn't, I'm saying she did."

• (Unnamed) "Come on, tell me about it."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Well, it's my friends. They have a liking problem. With you. In that -- they don't."
• (Unnamed) "Oh."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "But I do. Me, Phoebe."
• (Unnamed) "Well, I can't say I'm surprised. It's what I've come to expect from this kind of co-dependent, dysfunctional group dynamic, this sitting around in your Coffee House drinking from Cups which, I'm sorry, may as well have nipples on them. Saying "Oh, define me, define me. Love me, I need love.""

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hey. Why isn't it Spidermen? You know, like Goldmen, Silvermen."
• (Matthew Perry) "Because, it -- it's not his last name."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "It isn't?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No. It's not like Phil Spidermen. He's a spider man. You know, like Goldmen is a last name but there's no gold man."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, oh okay --"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "There should be a gold man."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "What happens to the old Christmas trees?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "They go into the chipper."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Why do I get the feeling that's not as happy as it sounds?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Charlotte? You know, with the web? She has babies, then she dies. It's like, "Hey, mom, welcome home from the hospital." THUD."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "I may play the fool at times but I'm a little more than just a pretty blonde girl with an ass that won't quit."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Why would you kill his fish?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Because, Phoebe, sometimes after you sleep with someone you have to kill a fish."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Quit being so "testosterony"."
• (Matthew Perry) "-- The real San Francisco treat."

• (Lisa Kudrow) ""Oh, I slept with Billy Joel." Who hasn't?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "This is big. No this is huge. No this is like really really -- all right what's bigger than huge?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Uh, this?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "We're -- just saying Goodbye to the Hotel. We LOVE you, Paradise Hotel, Golf Resort and Spa."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "My mom used to stick her head in the oven. Actually she only did it the once, but it was pretty weird."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "And then it goes back to the chorus, "Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault" and that's it."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "I know you didn't ask but no-one had spoken for fourteen minutes."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Sting's pen --"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "-- that he gave to Phoebe."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "She's going through her fourth month of pregnancy. Remember when I was in my fourth month?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Yes, that was the Evander Holyfield period. You know, you were so hard up, you even came on to me."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Did not."
• (Courteney Cox) "Yes, you did."
• (Courteney Cox) "Listen, Phoebe, I could have had you if I had wanted you."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, yeah? Well, bring it on."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Guys. Stop it. This is even turning me on."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "You know, we thought you were different. But I guess it was just the coma."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Look, I had a hard life. My mother was killed by a drug dealer."
• (Courteney Cox) "Phoebe, your mom killed herself."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "She was a drug dealer."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Aww Pheebs."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Honey, that's your name."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, Pheebs is short for Phoebe I thought that's just what we called each other."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Soap Opera Digest. That's one of my favorite digests."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "That's it? "We were on a break." "No we weren't." What happened to you two?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Where's Chandler?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "He's grieving."
• (Matthew Perry) "I'M FREE. I AM FREE."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Chandler still thinks I'm pregnant and he hasn't asked me how I'm feeling or offered to carry my bags. I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Well, I'm a pacifist. But, when the revolution comes, I'll destroy all of you."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Except for you, Joey."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Okay, now we need the sage branches and the sacramental wine."
• (Courteney Cox) "All I have is oregano and a Fresca."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "That's okay."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "All right, now we need the semen of a righteous man."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "OK, Pheebs, you know what? If we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Leave me behind. I'm just a machine."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "I'm going to get a coffee. Anybody want anything?"
• (Courteney Cox) "I'll have a latte."
• (David Schwimmer) "I'll have a blueberry muffin, with a decaf."
• (Matthew Perry) "I'll have a bagel with a little --"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You know I was just being polite."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Please don't kill yourself. My mother did, I know what I'm talking about. And besides, I wasn't even meant to be working today. Don't you see that the Universe wants you to live?"
• (Unnamed) "Do you hear that? I don't need you people. The Universe cares about me. The whole Universe. Ha-ha-ha."
• (Unnamed) "I wish they cared a little bit --"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap, asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap. He said all you need is to write them a song. Now you haven't heard it yet, so don't try to sing along. No don't sing along. Monica, Monica, have a happy Hannukah. I saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross. And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy. And Rachel and Chandler -- have a"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "handlerrrrr."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "If I don't hold my hair, my head will fall off."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "I remember the day I got my first paycheck. There was a cave-in in one of the mines, and eight people were killed."
• (Courteney Cox) "Wow, you; you worked in a mine?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "No, I worked in a Dairy Queen. Why?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hey, can we turn on the TV? I think it's raining outside."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? / Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault."

• (Unnamed) "I like that. what's your name?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Pheobe. That's, P, as in Phoebe, H, as in heobe, O as in oebe, E, as in ebe, B, as in bebe, and E as in -- Ello there mate."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "And then what happened?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Ooooh."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hi Joey."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "This isn't over."

Matt LeBlanc as Joey

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Want some jam?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No thanks, I just had a jar of mustard."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "How you doin'?"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, I started working on what I'm going to say at the ceremony. Wanna hear it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "It is a love based of giving and receiving as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have -- and receive."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Okay, you guys, I've got a little more written -- are you ready?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, yeah. Okay."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I cannot help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving -- and then I can't think of a good word for right here."
• (Courteney Cox) "How bout receiving?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yes."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "There was this movie, "Footloose"."
• (Matthew Perry) ""Flashdance"."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Where this plumber chick --"
• (Matthew Perry) "She was a welder"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "What, were you like in the movie?"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Pheebs, you wanna help?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh, yeah. Go for it man, jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, Joe, I assure you if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun, I'm pretty much peeing every which way."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Ha, Ha, he said 'erectus'."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Erectus?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No, 'homo'."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I thought I'd spend more time with my thoughts, but it turns out I don't have as many thoughts as you'd think."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I'm hungry."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "We could eat the wax. It's organic."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh great, food with hair on it."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "No, not the used wax."
• (Matthew Perry) "Because THAT would be crazy."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Fine. No one ever listens to me. If the package is this pretty, no one cares what's inside."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, it's not the first time I lost a girl to a Cowboy spraying Cologne."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "You know what the best thing about marriage is? Waking up next to the same face every morning, until the sweet release of death."
• (Matthew Perry) "This is the worst Batchelor Party ever."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I want to be Mr. Hugglemunch."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "The guy is like a cartoon."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Anyway, I started working on what I'm gonna say at the ceremony, you wanna hear it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Now, listen, it's just the first draft so -- "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share. It is a love based on giving and receiving, as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have and receive.""
• (Matthew Perry) "Shouldn't we call the spitter?"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I can't believe Ross is going out with Rachel's sister. Ya know, when Chandler made out with my sister, I was mad at him for, like, ten years."
• (Matthew Perry) "That was five years ago."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I know. You got five more years."
• (Matthew Perry) "Joey --"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "You want to make it six?"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Is Phoebe here with the cab yet?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, she brought the invisible cab. Jump in."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh, I'm sorry. Did I get you?"
• (Matthew Perry) "It's an electric drill. You get me, you kill me."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "There's always room for jello."
• (Courteney Cox) "How do you make that dirty?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I can do it with anything, look. Grandma's Chicken Salad."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "How come we don't have jam at our place?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Because the kids need shoes."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Aw, c'mon, this guy's perfect for you."
• (Courteney Cox) "No, not after your cousin who could belch the alphabet."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Va fa napoli."

• (Kate Miller) "I have a question about this scene."
• (The Director) "Yes?"
• (Kate Miller) "Well, I don't understand why Adrienne's attracted to Victor."
• (The Director) "Peel the onion. First of all, he's good-looking."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah."
• (Kate Miller) "I think my character's gonna need a little bit more of a reason than that."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh, hey, how about this one? It says so in the script. Y'know, I don't know why my character likes you either, I mean, it says in the script here that you're a bitch."
• (Kate Miller) "It does not say that in the script."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "It does in mine."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Look at this clown. Just because he's got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Get out of the way jackass."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "That is the Coast Guard."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Chandler, I understand you. I mean, this one time, I went out with this girl, she had the biggest Adam's apple."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "You waited too long and now you're in "The Friend Zone"."

• (Unnamed) "Talk New York to me."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Forget about it."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I just dropped by to say you're not a real Doctor. And that woman's brain -- is fine."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "She's so great. She kisses like my mom cooks."
• (Courteney Cox) "I am so glad you said "cooks"."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Age?"
• (Unnamed) "Can't you work that out by my date of birth?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I'm a doctor, not a mathematician."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Well, I'm sorry if I'm not a middle-aged black woman. And I'm also sorry if sometimes I go to the wrong audition."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "And you call yourself an accountant?"
• (Matthew Perry) "-- No."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "What? You made a bet. A bet is a bet. You bet on a bet, and if you lose you lose the bet."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I'm Joey. I'm disgusting. I make low-budget adult films."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I'm a Tribianni. And this is what we do. We may not be great thinkers, or great leaders, we may not be able to run very fast but God Dammit we can eat."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey Gunther, have you seen Chandler?"
• (James Michael Tyler) "I thought you were Chandler."
• (James Michael Tyler) "Um, one of you is over there."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "What are you worried about? The Vicar will be here any minute."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "And look. A phone in the bathroom."
• (Courteney Cox) "Joey, don't ever call me from that phone."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Aw, man. He took the five of spades."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "No, here it is."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Ooh-ooh-ooh. Are we opening presents?"
• (Courteney Cox) "No. No. I shouldn't have even opened these. I mean I; Joey, I am out of control. Joey, you have to do me a favor. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, please do not let me open another present. Okay?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Okay."
• (Courteney Cox) "Give me one more."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Okay."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, I got something for you."
• (Matthew Perry) "What's this?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Eight hundred and twelve bucks."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, I don't know what Big Leon told you but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "OK, I have no feelings for Rachel. No feelings at all. She's just a friend. I mean, I might have had some feelings for her, but now they're all gone. All of them. As a matter of fact, I don't think I ever had feelings for Rachel."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Hey, sweetie."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I love you."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "You bet on the bet and if you lose you lose the bet."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "You're a pain in my ass, Geller."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "They want me to do frontal nudity. I can't do that. My grandmother's gonna see that movie."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Well, grandma's gonna have to get in line."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "In a perfect world, she wouldn't exist. And your father would look like Sting."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Up is not an option."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "You can't have s-e-x in front of a b-a-b-i-e"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I just don't think that I want it that way though, you know? I mean, let's say I do make it, all right? I'm always gonna look back and wonder if it was because of my talent or because of -- y'know, the Little General."
• (Matthew Perry) "Didn't you use to call it the Little Major?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, but after Denise DeMarco, I had to promote it."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Joey doesn't share food."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "This, more than anything, is a staging area."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "You two were having sex."
• (Courteney Cox) "No, we weren't."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, you were. I can see it by the back of Chandler's hair."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "You are so lazy, can't you get on top for once?"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Do you want to hear something weird?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Always."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Get your sorry, non-believer ass out of my chair."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Chandler is a mysterious fellow, one unlikely to take a wife."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, I've never been able to cry as an actor, so if I'm in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling. Or ah, or, let's say I wanna convey that I've just done something evil. That would be the basic 'I have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it'"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Okay, let's say I've just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "And that's how it's done. Great soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Dude, stop talkin' crazy and make us some tea."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey Ross. If homo sapiens were in fact "homo sapiens", could that be why they're extinct?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Joey, homo sapiens are people."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey. I'm not judging here."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey Mon, I got a question for you."
• (Courteney Cox) "Okay, for the bizillionth time, yes I see other women in the shower at the gym, and no I don't look."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Do you practice losing at the Grammys too?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No, at the Grammys, I always win."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I thought it'd be great, you know? have some time alone with my thoughts -- turns out, I don't have as many thoughts as you'd think."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hot Girl? Hot Girl."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "You know, with that goatee, you kinda look like Satan."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "So, what, you just want to stay here and wait for Rachel to come back from her date?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah. I mean, this guy could be my baby's stepfather."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "They go out on one date and you worry about her marrying him? He's not you."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Not knowing when to shut up."
• (David Schwimmer) "Yep, that's my thing --"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "It's just my character that's not brain-dead."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "There's no juice for the people who need the juice and want the juice and I need the juice."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Paper, snow, a Ghost."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "You don't put words in people's mouths, you put turkey in people's mouths."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Of course it was a line."
• (Courteney Cox) "Why? Why? Why would anyone do something like that?"
• (David Schwimmer) "I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than, "to get you into bed.""

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, you know, you could always visit him."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, right, like they're going to let me have a passport?"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "You're mean in England."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I hate his underwear. one time I brought a pair marked XS and let me tell you there's no room for anything excess in there."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Opposite is opposite."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See, I told you. Less than a hundred steps from our place to here."
• (Matthew Perry) "You've got waaaay too much free time."

Courteney Cox as Monica

• (Courteney Cox) "Okay, I've got a leg, three breasts, and a wing."
• (Matthew Perry) "How do you find clothes that fit?"

• (Courteney Cox) "You wanted it to be a surprise."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, my God."
• (Courteney Cox) "Chandler, in all my life I never thought I would be so lucky as to fall in love with my best, my best --"
• (Courteney Cox) "There's a reason why girls don't do this."
• (Matthew Perry) "Okay, okay I'll do it. I thought, wait I can do this, I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, that you make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you let me I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Monica, will you marry me?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Yes."

• (Courteney Cox) "Can't we tell your parents first?"
• (Richard) "They're both dead."
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh, you are so lucky."

• (Courteney Cox) "So, how did you two meet?"
• (Nora Bing) "Well, actually, it's a funny story --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Funny, "ha ha"? Or, funny-"

• (Courteney Cox) "I use my breasts to get people's attention."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "We both do that."

• (Courteney Cox) "Sex."
• (Matthew Perry) "Seriously. Answer faster."
• (Courteney Cox) "I'm sorry, sweetie. When she said "sex" I wasn't thinking of sex with you."
• (Matthew Perry) "It's like a big hug."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Ross, how about you? Sex or food?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Sex."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "What about sex or dinosaurs?"
• (David Schwimmer) "My God, it's like Sophie's Choice."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Joey, if you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I don't know it's too hard."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Come on, you have to answer."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Okay -- sex. No, food. No, uh -- I want both. I want girls on bread."

• (Courteney Cox) "There are no jobs for me."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Wait, here's one. Um, would you be willing to cook naked?"
• (Courteney Cox) "There's an ad for a naked chef?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "No. But if you'd be willing to COOK naked, you might be willing to DANCE naked."

• (Courteney Cox) "Now, most guys will hit uh, 1-2-3 and then go to 7 and set up camp."
• (Matthew Perry) "That-that's bad?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Well if you go to Disneyland, you don't spend the whole day on the Materhorn."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well you might if it were anything like 7."

• (Courteney Cox) "This has been like my dream ever since I got my first Easy-Bake Oven and opened "Easy Monica's Bakery"."

• (Courteney Cox) "I'm Rachel. I love Ross. I hate Ross. I love Ross. I hate Ross."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "I'm Monica. I can't get a boyfriend so I'll stumble across the hall and sleep with the first guy I find there."

• (Courteney Cox) "I can't believe my dad saw us having sex. He didn't make it to one of my piano recitals, but this he sees."

• (Courteney Cox) "What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, right --. Y'serious?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, yeah."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Everything you need to know is in that first kiss."
• (Courteney Cox) "Absolutely."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out."
• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that -- that's not why we bought the ticket."
• (Matthew Perry) "The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic -- basically just trying to stay awake."

• (Courteney Cox) "I think I'd be great in a war. I'd, like, get all the medals."
• (Matthew Perry) "Before or after you're executed by your own troops?"

• (Courteney Cox) "What about friends of your grandmother's? Wouldn't they have the recipe?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Well, you know I may have relatives in France who would know. My grandmother said she got the recipe from her grandmother,"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Nestlé Toulouse."
• (Courteney Cox) "What was her name?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Nestlé Toulehouse."
• (Courteney Cox) "Nestle Toll House?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, you Americans always butcher the French language."

• (Courteney Cox) "Chandler. You're smoking again?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, yesterday I was smoking again, and today -- I'm smoking still --"

• (Courteney Cox) "Are you sure you peed on the stick right?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "How many ways are there to do that?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Thanks for showing me your semi-precious stone collection. You got 300 of them. It was fascinating. So, we still on for tonight?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Sure."
• (Courteney Cox) "Ok. Bye."
• (David Schwimmer) "Bye."
• (Matthew Perry) "Wow, you must be great in bed."

• (Courteney Cox) "Did you know she has like a hundred pairs of shoes, and she'll let you borrow them?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah, and then you stretch them out with your big ol' clown feet --"
• (Courteney Cox) "You want to sleep outside, 'cos it's getting cold."

• (Courteney Cox) "Whoa. Where you going in those pants? 1982?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Look, Chandler, I feel really bad about this. Please have this bachelor party."
• (Matthew Perry) "No."
• (Courteney Cox) "Stop being a baby and watch the hot woman get naked."
• (Matthew Perry) "-- All right."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "YEAH."
• (Matthew Perry) "But, I'm only doing this for you -- And Joey."
• (Courteney Cox) "Ok, so who's going to be there?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No, no, no. Just Ross and Joey is humiliating enough."
• (David Schwimmer) "Well, actually, I have a date tonight."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, I understand. What kind of guy would blow off a date for a fake bachelor party."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, baby, I'm not gonna make it tonight --"

• (Courteney Cox) "You broke a little girl's leg?"
• (David Schwimmer) "I know. I feel horrible. Okay."
• (Matthew Perry) "Says here that a Muppet got whacked on Sesame Street last night."
• (Matthew Perry) "Where exactly were you around ten-ish?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Pack your things, we're going to Vegas."
• (Matthew Perry) "You mean, we're just gonna elope? This is great. We're gonna save so much money. And, no more pain-in-the-ass planning."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, we're not going to elope. We have so much money, could our wedding please be bigger?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Hey. Where's Joey?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Why must your family be Scottish?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Why must your family be Ross ?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Stick out your tongue."
• (Matthew Perry) "Take off your shirt."

• (Courteney Cox) "Now come on, Chandler, the Miami Vice soundtrack? Really?"
• (Matthew Perry) "They were just giving it away at the mall --"
• (Matthew Perry) "-- in exchange for money."

• (Courteney Cox) "Can you help me fold these napkins?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Sure."
• (Courteney Cox) "I'm gonna go across the hall and check on the yams."
• (Courteney Cox) "No -- no honey -- Not like that, we're not a barn dance. You wanna fold them like swans like I showed you at Christmas, remember?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah. It all came screaming back to me."

• (Courteney Cox) "My motto is get out before they go down."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "That is so not my motto."

• (Courteney Cox) "You are just going to have to stop pissing me off."

• (Courteney Cox) "Whose little ball of paper is this?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, it's mine. I wrote a note to myself, and then I realized I didn't need, so I balled it up --"
• (Matthew Perry) "And now I wish I was dead."

• (Courteney Cox) "Okay, just don't go swimming right after you eat."
• (Matthew Perry) "You know that's not really true."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Try telling that to my Uncle Vinnie."
• (Matthew Perry) "Why? What happened to him?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Nothing; he just really believes that."

• (Courteney Cox) "You can't fire me. I make your decisions and I say, "I'm not fired." Ha."

• (Courteney Cox) "There may be something we can fashion."

• (Courteney Cox) "Joey, did you actually interview her before you asked her to move in?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Of course I did."
• (Courteney Cox) "Well, what did you ask her?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "'When can you move in?'."

• (Courteney Cox) "The sun is out."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hey, remember when I had corneas?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Chandler, it's okay. You don't have to be so macho all the time."
• (Matthew Perry) "I'm not macho."
• (Courteney Cox) "You're right. I don't know what I was thinking."

• (Courteney Cox) "Wow. You're a really good kisser."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, I have kissed more than four women."

• (Courteney Cox) "Come on, I see you looking at other women's breasts all the time."
• (Matthew Perry) "You see that?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Do you see this?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Duhhhhhh?"

• (Courteney Cox) "So if your parents had stayed together you'd be able to answer a question like a normal person?"

• (Courteney Cox) "How ya doin'?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, my apartment's not there anymore because I drank it."

• (Courteney Cox) "Listen, Rachel, I appreciate your situation but this is Valentine's Day. So, if you don't mind, would you please just go back home?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "What are you talking about? I live here."
• (David Schwimmer) "Happy Valentine's Day."
• (David Schwimmer) "Or, something to remember me by --"

• (Courteney Cox) "Chandler, you're panicking."
• (Matthew Perry) "Uh huh. Join me, won't you?"

• (Dr. Leonard Green) "So, Geller, is this what you dumped my Rachel for,"
• (Dr. Leonard Green) "so you could hang around with this tramp."
• (Courteney Cox) "Tramp ?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Oh, uh; Dr. Green, Mona; Mona, Dr. Green."

• (Courteney Cox) "Anyway, are you gonna get a handyman to install all this stuff?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No, I was going to do this all by myself."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "You're gonna do it?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah. Why, you don't think a woman can do this?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh, women can. You -- can't."

• (Courteney Cox) "I'll never have a first kiss again."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You'll have a last kiss."

• (Courteney Cox) "My motto is, get out before they go down."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "That is so not my motto."

• (Courteney Cox) "Do you ever think about the future?"
• (Richard) "Yeah, I think about the future."
• (Courteney Cox) "Am I in it?"
• (Richard) "You are my future."
• (Courteney Cox) "Honey, you are about to get so lucky."

• (Courteney Cox) "I am so jealous."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "You guys are really just right there.Aren't you?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yes -- Right where?"
• (Courteney Cox) "The beginning, where it's all sex and talking and sex and talking --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah you gotta love the talking."
• (Courteney Cox) "And the sex?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Alright we hadn't have sex yet. Okay. What's the big deal?This is special. I want our love to grow before moving to the next level."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, chandler, that is so nice."
• (David Schwimmer) "That is really nice -- Lying. No way is that the reason."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Why? Just because you're not mature enough to understand something like that?"
• (Matthew Perry) "He's right. I'm totally lying."
• (Courteney Cox) "Then what is it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Kathy's last boyfriend was Joey."
• (David Schwimmer) "And you're afraid you won't be able to fill his shoes?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No. I'm afraid I won't be able to make love as well as him."
• (David Schwimmer) "I was going for the metaphor."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yes and I was saying the actual words."
• (Courteney Cox) "Big deal. So Joey has had a lot of girlfriends. That doesn't mean he's great in bed."
• (Matthew Perry) "We share a wall. So either is great in bed, or she just liked to agree with him a lot."
• (Courteney Cox) "With you it's gonna be different. The sex is gonna be great because you guys are in love."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Just go for it Chandler."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah you should."
• (Matthew Perry) "All right. All right. I'll sleep with my girlfriend. But I'm just doing it for you guys."

• (Courteney Cox) "Guys can fake it? Unbelievable. The one thing that's ours."

• (Courteney Cox) "Okay. Wait-wait-wait. Shhh."
• (Courteney Cox) "Okay, umm, I just wanna say that -- I love you guys so-so much and-and thank you for being here on my special night."
• (Courteney Cox) "Our special night. I mean it just wouldn't be my-our-our night, if you all weren't here to celebrate with me-us-Damnit."

• (Courteney Cox) "Rach, it's the Visa card people."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, God, ask them what they want."
• (Courteney Cox) "Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? Yes, hold on."
• (Courteney Cox) "Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "But I haven't used my card in weeks."
• (Courteney Cox) "That is the unusual activity."

• (Courteney Cox) "You don't like the game, because you suck at it."
• (Matthew Perry) "I don't suck at it. It sucks. And you suck."

• (Courteney Cox) "Is it me? Is it like I have a beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?"

• (Courteney Cox) "Look, Joey feels really bad for what happened. He thinks you hate him. He wants to move to Vermont."
• (David Schwimmer) "I don't hate him. It's just -- You know what, I'll go talk to him. It's not his fault."
• (Courteney Cox) "Thank you. He already asked me where he could exchange his dollars for Vermont money."

• (Courteney Cox) ""Throbbing pens"? Don't wanna be around when he writes with those."

• (Courteney Cox) "So you wanna?"
• (Matthew Perry) "OK."
• (Matthew Perry) "I can't."
• (Courteney Cox) "Well you're not 18 anymore, but give it a minute."
• (Matthew Perry) "I can't because of Emma."
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh, Emma, Sweetie, I forgot you were here."

Matthew Perry as Chandler

• (Matthew Perry) "Stay -- stay. Good fake dog."

• (Matthew Perry) "Just reach over and pick it up --"
• (Matthew Perry) "There we go. Good save. Now it's all good and you're -- chewing someone else's gum. Oh, my God. Oh, my God."
• (Matthew Perry) "And now you're choking."
• (Jill Goodacre) "Are you okay?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Whoa, whoa, so I'm guessing you didn't get the part -- or Italy called and said it was hungry."

• (Matthew Perry) "I'm not so good with the advice -- Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Oh she should not be wearing those pants. I say push her down the stairs."

• (Matthew Perry) "Could we BE more white trash?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Hey, you know, I have had it with you guys and your "cancer" and your "emphysema" and your "heart disease." The bottom line is smoking is cool and you know it."

• (Matthew Perry) "What? What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women?"
• (David Schwimmer) "A little louder, okay? I think there's a man on the twelfth floor; in a COMA; who didn't hear you."

• (Matthew Perry) "Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew. Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster."

• (Matthew Perry) "You made my girlfriend think."

• (Matthew Perry) "I expect this from her, she's always been a Freudian nightmare."

• (Matthew Perry) "All right. You guys don't have to stop having fun just 'cause I'm here. You don't have to feel bad, either. Kathy didn't cheat on all of you --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, except you."

• (Matthew Perry) "And this from the cry-for-help department: Are you wearing makeup?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani, actor slash model."
• (Matthew Perry) "That's funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman."

• (Matthew Perry) "All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers -- it doesn't make much of a difference."

• (Matthew Perry) "Three failed marriages, two illegitimate children -- The personal ad writes itself."

• (Matthew Perry) "Can you see my nipples through this shirt?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No, but don't worry. I'm sure they're still there."

• (Matthew Perry) "You can't come in."
• (Courteney Cox) "Why not?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Because, uh, Ross is naked."
• (David Schwimmer) "What?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, I couldn't tell her I was naked. She's allowed to see me naked."
• (David Schwimmer) "Why does anyone have to be naked?"

• (Matthew Perry) "When I get back it'll be Chair City, and I'll be the one who's sitting on Chairs."

• (Matthew Perry) "We're getting a house."
• (Courteney Cox) "We're getting a baby."
• (Matthew Perry) "We're growing up."
• (Courteney Cox) "We sure are."
• (Matthew Perry) "So who's going to tell them?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Not it."
• (Matthew Perry) "Not it. Damn it."

• (Matthew Perry) "You rent out these tuxes to celebrities for award shows."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah."
• (Matthew Perry) "You mean these tuxes have been down the red carpet with people screaming "Wow. You look fabulous." at them?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Honey, could I recommend watching a little bit more "ESPN" and a little less "E."?"

• (Matthew Perry) "She's on the other line, gonna call me back, she's on the other line, gonna call me back."
• (Courteney Cox) "Don't you still have to pee?"
• (Matthew Perry) "That's why I'm dancing."

• (Susie) "How come all I can think about is putting that ice in my mouth and licking you all over?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Because I went to an all-boys high school and God is making up for it."

• (Matthew Perry) "Well actually, gum would be perfection."
• (Matthew Perry) "Gum would be perfection? Where did that come from? Coulda said thanks, coulda said I'll have a stick but no, for me, gum would be perfection. I loathe myself."

• (Matthew Perry) "That was pretty intense, huh?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah. Hey, I hope Ross didn't think that we just went in there because we were uncomfortable being out here."
• (Matthew Perry) "I hope he did."

• (Matthew Perry) "You kissed my best Ross."

• (Matthew Perry) "Where is Ross at? Hasn't he checked out yet?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Are you kidding me? It's not 11:00 yet that means Ross still has 11 mins to check out of the hotel, and Ross has NEVER checked out of a hotel early."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh yeah that's right. One time Ross and I were at a hotel and we got a late check out -- Ross was so happy it was the best sex we ever had."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Ohhhhhhh."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "That is until he screamed out RADISON at the end."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah that'll kill it."

• (Julie) "You know, Chandler, in some cultures a third nipple is considered a mark of virility. The most desirable women dance naked around you so you can make your pick."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ah, would any of these cultures be in the tri-state area?"
• (Julie) "Sorry."

• (Matthew Perry) "How do you not fall down more often?"

• (Matthew Perry) "I got her machine."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Her answering machine?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No. Interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up."

• (Matthew Perry) "Where's Joey? His mom's on the phone."
• (Courteney Cox) "He's in the bathroom -- I don't think you wanna go in there."
• (Matthew Perry) "C'mon, we're roommates -- Aaaaaaaagh. My eyes. My eyes."

• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, I know it must be important to you when you start chattering like a monkey."

• (Matthew Perry) "-- And I'm not sure about this actor guy, because when he left a message and he heard my name "Chandler Bing

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