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Friends (season 7) Quotes

Friends is a TV program that first aired in 2000 on NBC. Friends ended its run in 2001.

Friends was on for 24 episodes.

The cast includes: Matthew Perry as Chandler, Matt LeBlanc as Joey, Jennifer Aniston as Rachel, Matt LeBlanc as Joey Tribbiani, Courteney Cox as Monica, David Schwimmer as Ross, Lisa Kudrow as Phoebe, Cole Sprouse as Ben, Maggie Wheeler as Janice, James Michael Tyler as Gunther, Morgan Fairchild as Nora Bing, Courteney Cox as Mona, Denise Richards as Susie, Gary Oldman as Richard, Elliott Gould as Jack Geller, Christina Pickles as Judy Geller, Hank Azaria as David, Maggie Wheeler as Janine, Matt LeBlanc as Gloria Tribbiani, and Stacy Galina as Julie.

Friends Quotes

Matt LeBlanc as Joey

  • (Matt LeBlanc) "You waited too long and now you're in "The Friend Zone"."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "How come we don't have jam at our place?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Because the kids need shoes."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "There's no juice for the people who need the juice and want the juice and I need the juice."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Is Phoebe here with the cab yet?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, she brought the invisible cab. Jump in."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "I want to be Mr. Hugglemunch."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Look at this clown. Just because he's got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Get out of the way jackass."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "That is the Coast Guard."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Forget about Rachel. Go to China, eat Chinese food."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Of course there they'd just call it food."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Of course it was a line."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Why? Why? Why would anyone do something like that?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than, "to get you into bed.""
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Joey doesn't share food."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "The guy is like a cartoon."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "You know, with that goatee, you kinda look like Satan."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "There's always room for jello."
  • (Courteney Cox) "How do you make that dirty?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "I can do it with anything, look. Grandma's Chicken Salad."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "You bet on the bet and if you lose you lose the bet."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Opposite is opposite."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "What are you worried about? The Vicar will be here any minute."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, you know, you could always visit him."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, right, like they're going to let me have a passport?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "You're mean in England."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Va fa napoli."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Get your sorry, non-believer ass out of my chair."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "You two were having sex."
  • (Courteney Cox) "No, we weren't."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, you were. I can see it by the back of Chandler's hair."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "You are so lazy, can't you get on top for once?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Well, I'm sorry if I'm not a middle-aged black woman. And I'm also sorry if sometimes I go to the wrong audition."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Paper, snow, a Ghost."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Chandler, I understand you. I mean, this one time, I went out with this girl, she had the biggest Adam's apple."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "You don't put words in people's mouths, you put turkey in people's mouths."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "I hate his underwear. one time I brought a pair marked XS and let me tell you there's no room for anything excess in there."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, it's not the first time I lost a girl to a Cowboy spraying Cologne."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Aw, man. He took the five of spades."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "No, here it is."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Do you practice losing at the Grammys too?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "No, at the Grammys, I always win."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "They want me to do frontal nudity. I can't do that. My grandmother's gonna see that movie."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Well, grandma's gonna have to get in line."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Joey Tribianni"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "25"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah I'm single"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Actor -- hello?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "And look. A phone in the bathroom."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Joey, don't ever call me from that phone."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, I started working on what I'm going to say at the ceremony. Wanna hear it?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Yeah."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "It is a love based of giving and receiving as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have -- and receive."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Okay, you guys, I've got a little more written -- are you ready?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, yeah. Okay."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I cannot help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving -- and then I can't think of a good word for right here."
  • (Courteney Cox) "How bout receiving?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Yes."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Well, this is like summer in a bowl."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "There was this movie, "Footloose"."
  • (Matthew Perry) ""Flashdance"."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Where this plumber chick --"
  • (Matthew Perry) "She was a welder"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "What, were you like in the movie?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "And you call yourself an accountant?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "-- No."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, do you need any help?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Why, does it look like I'm having trouble with my mis-shapened claw?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "It's just my character that's not brain-dead."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh, I'm sorry. Did I get you?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "It's an electric drill. You get me, you kill me."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Heh. Let me get this straight. He got you to beg to sleep with him. He got you to say he never has to call you again. And he got you thinking this is a great idea?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Uh-huh."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "This man is my God."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey Gunther, have you seen Chandler?"
  • (James Michael Tyler) "I thought you were Chandler."
  • (James Michael Tyler) "Um, one of you is over there."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Age?"
  • (Unnamed) "Can't you work that out by my date of birth?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "I'm a doctor, not a mathematician."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Want some jam?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "No thanks, I just had a jar of mustard."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "I thought it'd be great, you know? have some time alone with my thoughts -- turns out, I don't have as many thoughts as you'd think."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "I don't get it. Why can't we use the same toothbrush? We use the same soap."
  • (Matthew Perry) "That's different. The toothbrush has been in my mouth."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "OK. But next time you're in the shower, think of the first place you're washing, and the last place I washed."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "In a perfect world, she wouldn't exist. And your father would look like Sting."
  • (Unnamed) "Talk New York to me."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Forget about it."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Not knowing when to shut up."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Yep, that's my thing --"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Just because she went to Yale drama, she thinks she's like the greatest actress since, since, sliced bread."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Ah, Sliced Bread, a wonderful Lady MacBeth."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "God, I just, I hate her. I hate her. With her, "Oh, I'm so talented." and "Oh, I'm so pretty," and "Ooh, I smell so good.""
  • (Matthew Perry) "I think somebody has a crush on somebody."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, Chandler, can we please stay focused on my problem here? Y'know?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "I'm talking about you. You big, big freak."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Pheebs, you wanna help?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "OK, I have no feelings for Rachel. No feelings at all. She's just a friend. I mean, I might have had some feelings for her, but now they're all gone. All of them. As a matter of fact, I don't think I ever had feelings for Rachel."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Hey, sweetie."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "I love you."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "You think I need a new walk?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "What?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Well I've had the same walk since high school and you know how when a guy walks into a room and everybody takes notice. I think I need a 'take notice' walk."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Are you actually saying these words?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "I just don't think that I want it that way though, you know? I mean, let's say I do make it, all right? I'm always gonna look back and wonder if it was because of my talent or because of -- y'know, the Little General."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Didn't you use to call it the Little Major?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, but after Denise DeMarco, I had to promote it."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See, I told you. Less than a hundred steps from our place to here."
  • (Matthew Perry) "You've got waaaay too much free time."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Ha, Ha, he said 'erectus'."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Erectus?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "No, 'homo'."
  • (Kate Miller) "I have a question about this scene."
  • (The Director) "Yes?"
  • (Kate Miller) "Well, I don't understand why Adrienne's attracted to Victor."
  • (The Director) "Peel the onion. First of all, he's good-looking."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah."
  • (Kate Miller) "I think my character's gonna need a little bit more of a reason than that."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh, hey, how about this one? It says so in the script. Y'know, I don't know why my character likes you either, I mean, it says in the script here that you're a bitch."
  • (Kate Miller) "It does not say that in the script."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "It does in mine."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Fine. No one ever listens to me. If the package is this pretty, no one cares what's inside."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "I thought I'd spend more time with my thoughts, but it turns out I don't have as many thoughts as you'd think."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, I got something for you."
  • (Matthew Perry) "What's this?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Eight hundred and twelve bucks."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well, I don't know what Big Leon told you but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Aw, c'mon, this guy's perfect for you."
  • (Courteney Cox) "No, not after your cousin who could belch the alphabet."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Dude, stop talkin' crazy and make us some tea."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "What? You made a bet. A bet is a bet. You bet on a bet, and if you lose you lose the bet."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey Mon, I got a question for you."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Okay, for the bizillionth time, yes I see other women in the shower at the gym, and no I don't look."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "You can't have s-e-x in front of a b-a-b-i-e"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "I am telling this to Rachel."
  • (Courteney Cox) "No, Joey."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Unless --"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Unless what?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Unless you name your first born after me."
  • (Matthew Perry) "What? Why?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Because, I may never have kids. Somebody's gonna have to carry on my family name."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Your family name is Tribianni."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh ho ho. You almost had me there."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Come on, man. Tom Hanks. Meg Ryan. They get mail."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Hot Girl? Hot Girl."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Ross, if Homo Sapiens were HOMO Sapiens, is that why they're extinct?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Joey, "Homo Sapiens" are People."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, I'm not Judging."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "This, more than anything, is a staging area."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Chandler is a mysterious fellow, one unlikely to take a wife."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, I've never been able to cry as an actor, so if I'm in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling. Or ah, or, let's say I wanna convey that I've just done something evil. That would be the basic 'I have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it'"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Okay, let's say I've just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "And that's how it's done. Great soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed."

Lisa Kudrow as Phoebe

  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap, asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap. He said all you need is to write them a song. Now you haven't heard it yet, so don't try to sing along. No don't sing along. Monica, Monica, have a happy Hannukah. I saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross. And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy. And Rachel and Chandler -- have a"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "handlerrrrr."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Hello, my name is Clunkers. May I please stay with you nice people?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "I think the most romantic song is the one that Elton John wrote for that guy from "who's the Boss?""
  • (Courteney Cox) "Which one was that?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "You know, uh, "Hold me closer, Tony Danza -- "."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Hey, can we turn on the TV? I think it's raining outside."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "What's on your neck?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "That? That would be the work of a Blowfish."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "I've done some research, and it turns out mink aren't very nice."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Okay, now we need the sage branches and the sacramental wine."
  • (Courteney Cox) "All I have is oregano and a Fresca."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "That's okay."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "All right, now we need the semen of a righteous man."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "OK, Pheebs, you know what? If we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "That's it? "We were on a break." "No we weren't." What happened to you two?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "If I don't hold my hair, my head will fall off."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Please don't kill yourself. My mother did, I know what I'm talking about. And besides, I wasn't even meant to be working today. Don't you see that the Universe wants you to live?"
  • (Unnamed) "Do you hear that? I don't need you people. The Universe cares about me. The whole Universe. Ha-ha-ha."
  • (Unnamed) "I wish they cared a little bit --"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Quit being so "testosterony"."
  • (Matthew Perry) "-- The real San Francisco treat."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "There was a crooked man, who had a crooked smile, who lived in a shoe, for a -- while --"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "You know, we thought you were different. But I guess it was just the coma."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "You name one woman that you broke up with for a real reason."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Maureen Rosilla."
  • (David Schwimmer) ""'Cause she doesn't hate Yanni" is not a real reason."
  • (Unnamed) "Come on, tell me about it."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Well, it's my friends. They have a liking problem. With you. In that -- they don't."
  • (Unnamed) "Oh."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "But I do. Me, Phoebe."
  • (Unnamed) "Well, I can't say I'm surprised. It's what I've come to expect from this kind of co-dependent, dysfunctional group dynamic, this sitting around in your Coffee House drinking from Cups which, I'm sorry, may as well have nipples on them. Saying "Oh, define me, define me. Love me, I need love.""
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Come on, Ross we've got to think like Chandler."
  • (David Schwimmer) "So where's the one place he'd never expect us to look?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "So THIS is your Office?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "You still love Rachel."
  • (David Schwimmer) "No, I don't."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "You got married to her."
  • (David Schwimmer) "In Vegas. I was so drunk, I could've married Joey."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Hey. You could do a lot worse than Joey Tribianni."
  • (Unnamed) "I like that. what's your name?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Pheobe. That's, P, as in Phoebe, H, as in heobe, O as in oebe, E, as in ebe, B, as in bebe, and E as in -- Ello there mate."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "My mom used to stick her head in the oven. Actually she only did it the once, but it was pretty weird."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "There's no such thing as an innocent Burger."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "I may play the fool at times but I'm a little more than just a pretty blonde girl with an ass that won't quit."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "They're coming. Run."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Where?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Mexico."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Come on Ross, you're a paleontologist, dig a little deeper."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Soap Opera Digest. That's one of my favorite digests."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Are you kidding, that woman has the nose of a bloodhound. And the breasts of a Greek Goddess --"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Ok, I need to get this right so give me a sec --"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Yo, dude. Eleven o'clock, totally hot babe checkin' you out."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "This is big. No this is huge. No this is like really really -- all right what's bigger than huge?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Uh, this?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Sting's pen --"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "-- that he gave to Phoebe."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "And then it goes back to the chorus, "Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault" and that's it."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "I know you didn't ask but no-one had spoken for fourteen minutes."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "We're -- just saying Goodbye to the Hotel. We LOVE you, Paradise Hotel, Golf Resort and Spa."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Aww Pheebs."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Honey, that's your name."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, Pheebs is short for Phoebe I thought that's just what we called each other."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Hey, if we were in prison, you guys would be like my bitches."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Charlotte? You know, with the web? She has babies, then she dies. It's like, "Hey, mom, welcome home from the hospital." THUD."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "At first they're so cute and soft to the touch/ Then they grow up and resent you so much/ Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why/ and you cry and you cry and you cry/ and you cry and you cry and you cry and you cry -- Thanks Ross."
  • (David Schwimmer) "I'm paying you to STOP."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, my god. You had sex."
  • (Courteney Cox) "No, we didn't."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "I know YOU didn't, I'm saying she did."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "A plate of brownies once told me a Limerick."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Let me ask you, Phoebe: were these "funny brownies"?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Not particularly. Although I do think they had pot in them."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "You got a haircut."
  • (Hank Azaria) "Yeah, well, I got like, thirty of 'em."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "A person's wedding is important. And especially to me. OK? I didn't have a graduation party. And I didn't go to Prom. And I spent my sweet sixteen being chased round a tyre yard by an escaped mental patient who in his own words wanted to "kill me, or whatever." So I deserve a real celebration and I am not gonna let some sweaty little man make me feel badly about it."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "PICK UP THE SOCK. PICK UP THE SOCK. PICK UP THE SOCK."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "You know, this reminds me of the time I was living on the street and this guy said he'd buy me food if I slept with him. Because that was a real problem and this is just some High School crap."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) ""Oh, I slept with Billy Joel." Who hasn't?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "We can be guys. Come on, let us be guys."
  • (Matthew Perry) "You don't want to be guys, you'd be all hairy and you wouldn't live as long."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "What happens to the old Christmas trees?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "They go into the chipper."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Why do I get the feeling that's not as happy as it sounds?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, I can't believe you. You've been so good, for three years."
  • (Matthew Perry) "And this- is my reward."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Hold on a second, all right? Just think about what you went through the last time you quit."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Okay, so this time I won't quit."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "It's raining. I don't like to fly in the rain."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh, I'm going to go for a walk in the rain."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh -- me too."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Huh. I bet they're doing it."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Look, Joey, I know about your feelings."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh, you do?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah, and I don't think it could happen."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "I know. I mean it's not just my friend Rachel, it's my pregnant with Ross's child friend Rachel."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Uhh -- Yeah, Rachel, I mean you two are friends."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Kick me in the stomach why don't you."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "What?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Nothing. You know, maybe it's just a crush, it doesn't mean you love her."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "You think?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah. I mean I've had them for you guys -- except for Ross and Chandler. I'm sure you had them for us before, right?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "No, not really."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Throw me a friggin' bone here, will ya?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "It's because of stuff like this that you're BURNING IN HELL."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Jingle bitch screwed me over. Go to hell jingle whore. Go to hell, go to hell, go to hell."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Chandler still thinks I'm pregnant and he hasn't asked me how I'm feeling or offered to carry my bags. I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Look, I had a hard life. My mother was killed by a drug dealer."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Phoebe, your mom killed herself."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "She was a drug dealer."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "I remember the day I got my first paycheck. There was a cave-in in one of the mines, and eight people were killed."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Wow, you; you worked in a mine?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "No, I worked in a Dairy Queen. Why?"

Courteney Cox as Monica

  • (Courteney Cox) "Anyway, are you gonna get a handyman to install all this stuff?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "No, I was going to do this all by myself."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "You're gonna do it?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah. Why, you don't think a woman can do this?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh, women can. You -- can't."
  • (Courteney Cox) "I can't believe my dad saw us having sex. He didn't make it to one of my piano recitals, but this he sees."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Okay, just don't go swimming right after you eat."
  • (Matthew Perry) "You know that's not really true."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Try telling that to my Uncle Vinnie."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Why? What happened to him?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Nothing; he just really believes that."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Listen, Rachel, I appreciate your situation but this is Valentine's Day. So, if you don't mind, would you please just go back home?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "What are you talking about? I live here."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Happy Valentine's Day."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Or, something to remember me by --"
  • (Courteney Cox) "I think I'd be great in a war. I'd, like, get all the medals."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Before or after you're executed by your own troops?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Why must your family be Scottish?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Why must your family be Ross ?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Look, Chandler, I feel really bad about this. Please have this bachelor party."
  • (Matthew Perry) "No."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Stop being a baby and watch the hot woman get naked."
  • (Matthew Perry) "-- All right."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "YEAH."
  • (Matthew Perry) "But, I'm only doing this for you -- And Joey."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Ok, so who's going to be there?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "No, no, no. Just Ross and Joey is humiliating enough."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Well, actually, I have a date tonight."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, I understand. What kind of guy would blow off a date for a fake bachelor party."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, baby, I'm not gonna make it tonight --"
  • (Courteney Cox) ""Throbbing pens"? Don't wanna be around when he writes with those."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Is this too cute? Lesbian wedding, chicken breasts."
  • (Courteney Cox) "What? I'm not like I'm gonna put little nipples on them."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Whose little ball of paper is this?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Oh, it's mine. I wrote a note to myself, and then I realized I didn't need, so I balled it up --"
  • (Matthew Perry) "And now I wish I was dead."
  • (Courteney Cox) "I am so jealous."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "You guys are really just right there.Aren't you?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Yes -- Right where?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "The beginning, where it's all sex and talking and sex and talking --"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Yeah you gotta love the talking."
  • (Courteney Cox) "And the sex?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Alright we hadn't have sex yet. Okay. What's the big deal?This is special. I want our love to grow before moving to the next level."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, chandler, that is so nice."
  • (David Schwimmer) "That is really nice -- Lying. No way is that the reason."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Why? Just because you're not mature enough to understand something like that?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "He's right. I'm totally lying."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Then what is it?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Kathy's last boyfriend was Joey."
  • (David Schwimmer) "And you're afraid you won't be able to fill his shoes?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "No. I'm afraid I won't be able to make love as well as him."
  • (David Schwimmer) "I was going for the metaphor."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Yes and I was saying the actual words."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Big deal. So Joey has had a lot of girlfriends. That doesn't mean he's great in bed."
  • (Matthew Perry) "We share a wall. So either is great in bed, or she just liked to agree with him a lot."
  • (Courteney Cox) "With you it's gonna be different. The sex is gonna be great because you guys are in love."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Yeah?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Just go for it Chandler."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah you should."
  • (Matthew Perry) "All right. All right. I'll sleep with my girlfriend. But I'm just doing it for you guys."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Can't we tell your parents first?"
  • (Gary Oldman) "They're both dead."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Oh, you are so lucky."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Damn the jellyfish. Damn ALL the jellyfish."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Pack your things, we're going to Vegas."
  • (Matthew Perry) "You mean, we're just gonna elope? This is great. We're gonna save so much money. And, no more pain-in-the-ass planning."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Oh, we're not going to elope. We have so much money, could our wedding please be bigger?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Thanks for showing me your semi-precious stone collection. You got 300 of them. It was fascinating. So, we still on for tonight?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Sure."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Ok. Bye."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Bye."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Wow, you must be great in bed."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Hey. Where's Joey?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Joey, did you actually interview her before you asked her to move in?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Of course I did."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Well, what did you ask her?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "'When can you move in?'."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Can you help me fold these napkins?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Sure."
  • (Courteney Cox) "I'm gonna go across the hall and check on the yams."
  • (Courteney Cox) "No -- no honey -- Not like that, we're not a barn dance. You wanna fold them like swans like I showed you at Christmas, remember?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah. It all came screaming back to me."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Hi."
  • (Matthew Perry) "You are not gonna believe what I did today."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Well, clearly you didn't shower or shave."
  • (Matthew Perry) "I got good. I played this game all day and now I rule. They should change the name to Ms. Chandler."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Although, I hope they don't."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Wait a minute, you staid home all day playing Ms. Pacman, while I was at work like some kind of chump?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, and I got all the top ten scores and erased Phoebe off the board. High five."
  • (Courteney Cox) "What is the matter with your hand?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well, I've been playing for like eight hours. It'll loosen up, come on check out the scores. Oh, and also look at the initials, their dirty words."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Chandler, why would you do that?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Because it's awesome."
  • (Courteney Cox) "You think this is clever?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well, they only give you three letters, so after A.S.S., it is a bit of a challenge."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Wait a minute, this one's not dirty."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well, it is, when you put it together with that one."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Oh, well, if you don't clear this off, you wont be getting those from me. Ben's coming tomorrow over to play this game, this can't be there."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Come on, he wont even know what they mean."
  • (Courteney Cox) "He's seven, not stupid."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Have you talked to him lately?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "All right, I'm just going to unplug it --"
  • (Matthew Perry) "No, no, no, if you'll unplug it, then there will be nothing to show from my day. It would be like I was at work."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Look at that, look at that, it's still there, this thing must have a primitive ROM chip."
  • (Courteney Cox) "You gotta beat your scores."
  • (Matthew Perry) "With the claw?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Fine, I'll do it. We gotta get this off the screen. Carol and Susan are still upset that you taught him "Pull my finger"."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Pull my finger -- my hand is messed up."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Rach, it's the Visa card people."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, God, ask them what they want."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? Yes, hold on."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "But I haven't used my card in weeks."
  • (Courteney Cox) "That is the unusual activity."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Now, most guys will hit uh, 1-2-3 and then go to 7 and set up camp."
  • (Matthew Perry) "That-that's bad?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Well if you go to Disneyland, you don't spend the whole day on the Materhorn."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well you might if it were anything like 7."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "I'd probably kill myself."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Excuse me?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, if "Little Joey"'s dead, then I got no reason to live."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Uh, Joey -- Omnipotent."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "You are? Ross, I'm sorry."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Wow. You're a really good kisser."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well, I have kissed more than four women."
  • (Courteney Cox) "You are just going to have to stop pissing me off."
  • (Courteney Cox) "I like it even better on you than on Colonel Sanders."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Look, I just came here to tell you guys something."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh. Was it how you invented the cotton gin?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Look, Joey feels really bad for what happened. He thinks you hate him. He wants to move to Vermont."
  • (David Schwimmer) "I don't hate him. It's just -- You know what, I'll go talk to him. It's not his fault."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Thank you. He already asked me where he could exchange his dollars for Vermont money."
  • (Courteney Cox) "You wanted it to be a surprise."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Oh, my God."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Chandler, in all my life I never thought I would be so lucky as to fall in love with my best, my best --"
  • (Courteney Cox) "There's a reason why girls don't do this."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Okay, okay I'll do it. I thought, wait I can do this, I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, that you make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you let me I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Monica, will you marry me?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Yes."
  • (Courteney Cox) "This has been like my dream ever since I got my first Easy-Bake Oven and opened "Easy Monica's Bakery"."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Sex."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Seriously. Answer faster."
  • (Courteney Cox) "I'm sorry, sweetie. When she said "sex" I wasn't thinking of sex with you."
  • (Matthew Perry) "It's like a big hug."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Ross, how about you? Sex or food?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Sex."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "What about sex or dinosaurs?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "My God, it's like Sophie's Choice."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Joey, if you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "I don't know it's too hard."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Come on, you have to answer."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Okay -- sex. No, food. No, uh -- I want both. I want girls on bread."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Come on, I see you looking at other women's breasts all the time."
  • (Matthew Perry) "You see that?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Do you see this?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Duhhhhhh?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Okay, I've got a leg, three breasts, and a wing."
  • (Matthew Perry) "How do you find clothes that fit?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Chandler, you're panicking."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Uh huh. Join me, won't you?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "I'm Rachel. I love Ross. I hate Ross. I love Ross. I hate Ross."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "I'm Monica. I can't get a boyfriend so I'll stumble across the hall and sleep with the first guy I find there."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Did you just smell my hair?"
  • (Pete) "No."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Oh my God, you still have feelings for me, don't you?"
  • (Pete) "No I don't."
  • (Courteney Cox) "None at all?"
  • (Pete) "Okay I love you, is that so wrong?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Okay. Wait-wait-wait. Shhh."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Okay, umm, I just wanna say that -- I love you guys so-so much and-and thank you for being here on my special night."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Our special night. I mean it just wouldn't be my-our-our night, if you all weren't here to celebrate with me-us-Damnit."
  • (Courteney Cox) "The sun is out."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Hey, remember when I had corneas?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Did you know she has like a hundred pairs of shoes, and she'll let you borrow them?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah, and then you stretch them out with your big ol' clown feet --"
  • (Courteney Cox) "You want to sleep outside, 'cos it's getting cold."
  • (Courteney Cox) "How ya doin'?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well, my apartment's not there anymore because I drank it."
  • (Courteney Cox) "You don't like the game, because you suck at it."
  • (Matthew Perry) "I don't suck at it. It sucks. And you suck."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Now come on, Chandler, the Miami Vice soundtrack? Really?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "They were just giving it away at the mall --"
  • (Matthew Perry) "-- in exchange for money."
  • (Dr. Leonard Green) "So, Geller, is this what you dumped my Rachel for,"
  • (Dr. Leonard Green) "so you could hang around with this tramp."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Tramp ?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Oh, uh; Dr. Green, Mona; Mona, Dr. Green."
  • (Courteney Cox) "So if your parents had stayed together you'd be able to answer a question like a normal person?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Do you ever think about the future?"
  • (Gary Oldman) "Yeah, I think about the future."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Am I in it?"
  • (Gary Oldman) "You are my future."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Honey, you are about to get so lucky."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Whoa. Where you going in those pants? 1982?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "We have to talk."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, I'm getting a deja-vous. All right no I'm not."
  • (Courteney Cox) "All right, we have to talk."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "There it is."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Guys can fake it? Unbelievable. The one thing that's ours."
  • (Courteney Cox) "What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, right --. Y'serious?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, yeah."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Everything you need to know is in that first kiss."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Absolutely."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that -- that's not why we bought the ticket."
  • (Matthew Perry) "The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic -- basically just trying to stay awake."
  • (Courteney Cox) "You can't fire me. I make your decisions and I say, "I'm not fired." Ha."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Chandler. You're smoking again?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well, yesterday I was smoking again, and today -- I'm smoking still --"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Darn it. There's no more soda."
  • (Matthew Perry) "I'll go get some."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Really?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well, I would,"
  • (Matthew Perry) "but I'm not your boyfriend."
  • (Courteney Cox) "So you wanna?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "OK."
  • (Matthew Perry) "I can't."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Well you're not 18 anymore, but give it a minute."
  • (Matthew Perry) "I can't because of Emma."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Oh, Emma, Sweetie, I forgot you were here."
  • (Courteney Cox) "There may be something we can fashion."
  • (Courteney Cox) "I'll never have a first kiss again."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "You'll have a last kiss."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Are you sure you peed on the stick right?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "How many ways are there to do that?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Is it me? Is it like I have a beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "Chandler, it's okay. You don't have to be so macho all the time."
  • (Matthew Perry) "I'm not macho."
  • (Courteney Cox) "You're right. I don't know what I was thinking."
  • (Courteney Cox) "There are no jobs for me."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Wait, here's one. Um, would you be willing to cook naked?"
  • (Courteney Cox) "There's an ad for a naked chef?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "No. But if you'd be willing to COOK naked, you might be willing to DANCE naked."
  • (Courteney Cox) "You broke a little girl's leg?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "I know. I feel horrible. Okay."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Says here that a Muppet got whacked on Sesame Street last night."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Where exactly were you around ten-ish?"

David Schwimmer as Ross

  • (David Schwimmer) "The door's closed. I can't see anything with the door closed."
  • (Matthew Perry) "And the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Oh. Oh. Thank God, most women don't even feel them."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Okay, no uterus, no opinion."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Hey, remember when I had a monkey? Yeah, what was I thinking?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Wow."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Hey stop staring at my wife's legs. No, no, stop staring at your sister's legs"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Why, it's like I've been given the gift of time."
  • (Matthew Perry) "That's great. Last year I got the gift of space. We should get together and make a continuum."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Oh my God. Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "I got off the plane."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Wow, you sure have a lot of books on being a Lesbian."
  • (Susan) "Well, you have to take a Course. Otherwise they don't let you do it."
  • (David Schwimmer) "You know, we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half human, half pure evil."
  • (David Schwimmer) "My dad wanted to know if you wanted to play racquetball with us."
  • (Courteney Cox) "Wow. That's great. Dad must really like you, he doesn't ask just anyone to play."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Yeah and he didn't really ask for you, he asked for Chancy, I assumed he meant you."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well, did-did you correct him?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "No, I-I thought it would be more fun this way."
  • (David Schwimmer) "I mean, last year Elizabeth now-now this kid. What-what-what-what is it? Am I giving out some kind of -- sexy professor vibe?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Not right now."
  • (David Schwimmer) "So I don't know if he's testing me or just acting out but my monkey is OUT OF CONTROL --. He keeps erasing the messages on my machine."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh yeah -- I've done that"
  • (David Schwimmer) "And a few days ago he got to the newspaper before I did and peed all over the crossword."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "I've never done that"
  • (David Schwimmer) "And last night I don't know what he did but there were capers EVERYWHERE."
  • (David Schwimmer) "I'm FINE."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Hi --"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Pfft -- This guy says, "Hello, " I wanna kill myself."
  • (David Schwimmer) "I grew up in a house with Monica, okay. If you didn't eat fast, you didn't eat."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Curie."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Veto. Rain."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Veto. Mark."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Veto. Vince."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Veto. Lance."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Veto. James."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Hmmm --"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "If it's a girl."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Veto."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Is it just me, or is Vito beginning to sound real good?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "I want someone who gets my heart pounding"
  • (David Schwimmer) "-- Someone who --"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Little play things with yarn?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "What?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Could you want her more?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Who?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Dee the sarcastic sister from "What's Happening"."
  • (David Schwimmer) "A no sex pact. I have one of those with every woman in America."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Stupid British snack food."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Did they teach you that in your anger management class?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Wow, Joey, that's a steamy picture."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, I know. The magazine said it was for my gay fans."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Why'd you wink at me?"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Don't look at me. You're the one who like the picture so much."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Rachel won't talk to me. She won't even let me in the apartment."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Hmmm, I wonder why, pervert?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "I'm not a pervert."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Please, that's the pervert motto. They have you raise your right hand, put your left hand in your pants and say that."
  • (David Schwimmer) "What are you doing?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Making chocolate milk. You want some?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "No thanks, I'm 29."
  • (David Schwimmer) "I made Marcel's favorite: Banana cake --"
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Mmm."
  • (David Schwimmer) "-- with mealworm."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Ugh."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Hey who is this Casey? Why's he calling Rachel?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Well I'm guessing he wants to do a little dance -- You know make a little love -- Well pretty much get down tonight --"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Oh, really? Well, I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Du-ude."
  • (Courteney Cox) "What happened in Atlantic City?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Well, Chandler and I are in a bar --"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Did you not hear me say, "Du-ude"?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "-- and this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after a while he just goes over to her and, uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what you're thinking. Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls. And you're right. Chandler's not the type of guy just goes to bars and makes out with girls."
  • (Courteney Cox) "You kissed a guy? Oh my God."
  • (Matthew Perry) "In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy."
  • (David Schwimmer) "We were on a break."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Oh, my God. If you say that one more time, I'm going to break up with you."
  • (David Schwimmer) "So, uh, what did the insurance company say?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Oh, they said uh, "You don't have insurance here so stop calling us.""
  • (David Schwimmer) "OK, how about Ruth?"
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, I'm sorry, are we having an 89 year old woman?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Because women never like Joey. You know, I hear he's a virgin?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "You guys won't believe what I have to do for work today."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Yes, but Ross you chose a career of talking about dinosaurs."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Did you see the kid on that nose?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Wow. This is the first time I've walked down the aisle without the possibility of it ending in divorce."
  • (David Schwimmer) "What the hell are you doing, you scared the crap out of me."
  • (David Schwimmer) "I guess I should have known -- we'd be out somewhere, and a beautiful woman would go by, and Carol would go, "Ross, look at her." And I'd think, "My wife is cool.""
  • (David Schwimmer) "You're crazy."
  • (Benjamin Hobart) "Crazy? Or -- Romantic?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Crazy."
  • (Benjamin Hobart) "Ooor --"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Get out."
  • (David Schwimmer) "I think it'll be a boy."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "I think it'll be a girl."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Phoebe, you thought Ben would be a girl."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Have you seen him throw a ball?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "This is just classic Rachel. You're off in Rachel land with no thought for people's feelings or monkeys."
  • (David Schwimmer) "All right, I'll tell you why you're a bad driver. You're fast and irresponsible."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Well, excuse me but in high school that made me head cheerleader."
  • (David Schwimmer) "I went through the same thing with Carol and you know what I did? I got dressed really quickly."
  • (David Schwimmer) "There's going to be Hoopla?"
  • (Unnamed) "Watch out for this guy. They say he's looking for some kind of Hot Girl."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Who isn't?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Hi, I'm Ross, I'm new to the building."
  • (Unnamed) "Yes, you were the one who didn't chip in for the handyman."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Never mind."
  • (Unnamed) "Actually, I thought it was unfair the way everyone reacted. You had just moved in."
  • (David Schwimmer) "I had just moved in. Thank you."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Hey, Pheebs, you gonna have the rest of that Pop-Tart? Pheebs?"
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Hey, I might."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Heating device."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Radiator."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Five letters."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "Rdatr."
  • (David Schwimmer) ""Ooh, I must Take a Mental Picture"."
  • (Lisa Kudrow) "You were making fun of Parker? Okay so he's Positive and Energetic and maybe that's a bit much, but I like that about him. You wanna know what I think? I think your collective dating record reads like a Who's Who of Human Crap."
  • (David Schwimmer) "-- What was wrong with Mona?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Okay, there you go."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Sure. Sure, I'll just sit next to the -- transsexual from purchasing."
  • (David Schwimmer) "You're going to destroy the Whole Illusion of the Party."
  • (David Schwimmer) "NO FALAFEL FOR YOU."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Mississippilessly?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "All of which proves that I thought of Jurassic Park first."
  • (David Schwimmer) "What are you doing tonight?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Why, do you have a lecture?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "No."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Free as a bird, what's up?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "No divorces in '99."
  • (David Schwimmer) "I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid."
  • (Matthew Perry) "That's nice."
  • (David Schwimmer) "No, no, with him. I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby. I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defense is comin' right at me."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Tampa Bay's got a terrible team."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Right, but, it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinkin' they can take us. And so I uh, I just heave it downfield."
  • (Matthew Perry) "What are you crazy? That's a baby."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "He should take the sack?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Anyway, suddenly I'm downfield, and I realize that I'm the one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there is no way I'm gonna get there in time, so I am running, and running, and that, that is when I woke up. See, I am so not ready to be a father."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one of the most caring, most responsible men in North America. You're gonna make a great dad."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, Ross. You and the baby just need better blocking."
  • (Mike Hanigan) "You're not gonna try and make me join a cult are you?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "No --"
  • (Mike Hanigan) "Oh okay. You just have that look."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Damn SuperCuts."
  • (David Schwimmer) "My wife's a lesbian."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Cool."
  • (Matthew Perry) "Ross, this is Joey. Joey, Ross."
  • (David Schwimmer) "We were on a break."
  • (David Schwimmer) "First divorce: wife's hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second divorce: said the wrong name at the altar, kind of my fault. Third divorce: they shouldn't let you get married when you're that drunk and have stuff drawn all over your face, Nevada's fault."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Uhh, excuse me. If I could have everybody's attention. I'm Ross Geller."
  • (Elliott Gould) "DR. Ross Geller."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Dad -- Please. Anyway, as I was saying, I'm Dr. Ross Geller --"
  • (David Schwimmer) "Ok, look. You don't have to get married. We can just go home and take a shower. That's not so scary is it?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Depends on what you mean by "we"."
  • (David Schwimmer) "This is so exciting, I haven't seen my monkey in almost a year."
  • (Matthew Perry) "What, you never look down in the shower?"
  • (Matthew Perry) "Oh, please. I'm not allowed to make one joke in the monkey-is-penis genre?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "You got me a cola drink."
  • (Matthew Perry) "And a LEMON LIME."
  • (David Schwimmer) "You shouldn't have. I feel like I should get you another sweater."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "And last but not least."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "They're RIBBED FOR YOUR PLEASURE."
  • (David Schwimmer) "It's Joey, I love Joey."
  • (Jennifer Aniston) "Joey lives with a duck."
  • (David Schwimmer) "I would date her but there is a big age difference."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "Well think about it when you're 90 --"
  • (David Schwimmer) "I know, she'll be 80 and it won't be such a big difference."
  • (Matt LeBlanc) "No. What I was gonna say is when you're 90 you'll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old."
  • (David Schwimmer) "Does little Ross like dinosaurs by any chance?"
  • (Mr. Zelner) "Yeah, they're all he talks about, why?"
  • (David Schwimmer) "How would he like to come with me to the Museum of Natural History after everyone else has left, just the two of us, and he can touch anything he wants."
  • (David Schwimmer) "I just heard it as you must have heard it and that's not good. Let me start again. I'm a paleontologist, you'll be there with us and the touching refers only to bones; fossils."

Matthew Perry as Chandler