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Naked Gun 33⅓: The Final Insult Quotes

Naked Gun 33⅓: The Final Insult is a TV program that appeared on TV in 1970 . Naked Gun 33⅓: The Final Insult ended its run in 1970.

It features Robert K. Weiss; David Zucker as producer, Ira Newborn in charge of musical score, and Robert M. Stevens as head of cinematography.

Naked Gun 33⅓: The Final Insult is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Naked Gun 33⅓: The Final Insult is 82 minutes long. Naked Gun 33⅓: The Final Insult is distributed by Paramount Pictures.

The cast includes: Leslie Nielsen as Frank Drebin, Fred Ward as Rocko Dillon, Anna Nicole Smith as Tanya Peters, Raye Birk as Papshmir, Priscilla Presley as Jane Spencer, George Kennedy as Ed Hocken, Bill Erwin as Convicts, Joe Grifasi as Director, and Fred Ward as Rocco Dillon.

Naked Gun 33⅓: The Final Insult Quotes

Leslie Nielsen as Frank Drebin

  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant, Police Squad."
  • (Unnamed) "Yeah, and I'm Robert De Niro."
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Mr. De Niro, we've got to get inside."
  • (Dr. Kohlzak) "When did you first notice the problem?"
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "In the backyard, with my uncle."
  • (Dr. Kohlzak) "In the backyard -- with your uncle?"
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Yes, when he comes over we like to go out in the backyard and throw it around for a while."
  • (Dr. Kohlzak) "And what did you and your uncle find out?"
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Oh, I can't keep up with him, mine hurt especially on the long ones. I can't seem to straighten it out, it has no feeling, it's -- it's kind of numb. I may have yanked it too much, maybe."
  • (Dr. Kohlzak) "If you would."
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "For what?"
  • (Dr. Kohlzak) "A sperm count."
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "In here?"
  • (Dr. Kohlzak) "Well, it's not exactly the backyard, but it'll do."
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Uh, Raquel, just a second, I just had a thought. This show is being seen all over the world. I was thinking, if we could all just send good thoughts, transmit them through these cameras here, to the elected leader of China, Wing Wa Woo Tong, so that they might finally be nice. Thank you."
  • (Raquel Welch) "And the winner is --"
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Uh Raquel, so many go to bed hungry in this nation, yet cat food is full of tuna. I can't help but think each time I go to the zoo and see those porpoises, crammed into those tiny tanks, what a waste that is. Butcher half of them now. That's hundreds of pounds of dolphin meat that can be fed to our cats, freeing up that tuna for our nation's hungry."
  • (Raquel Welch) "And the winner is --"
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Uh, so many are cold, shivering in the night, so I say, butcher those cats, skin them. Use their fur to keep hundreds warm."
  • (Raquel Welch) "Jesus, Phil."
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Hey. You call this slop? Real slop has got chunks of things in it. This is more like gruel. And this Château le Blanc '68 is supposed to be served slightly chilled. This is room temperature. What do you think we are? Animals?"
  • (Bill Erwin) "NO."
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "What are we?"
  • (Mess Hall Convict) "Homo sapiens?"
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "You're right. We're men. We are men."
  • (Bill Erwin) "WE ARE MEN. WE ARE MEN. WE ARE MEN."
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel things out."
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Look, baby. I am what I am, and I do what I do. A few guys make shoelaces, some lay sod, others make a very good living neutering animals. I'm a cop."
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes."
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Cigarette?"
  • (Anna Nicole Smith) "Yes, I know."
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Cheer up, Ed. This is not goodbye. It's just I won't ever see you again."
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Jane --"
  • (Priscilla Presley) "Frank, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Yes. Florence Henderson's gonna win it, and it's about time."
  • (Priscilla Presley) "No. The bomb is in one of those envelopes."
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "You're right."
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Mrs. Dillon, your son is a ruthless, cold-blooded, sadistic animal. You must be proud of him."
  • (Muriel Dillon) "I am."
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "They're going to blow that place sky high. It'll be a tragedy. Unless it's during a dance number."
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Does that radio work?"
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Call Police Squad. Tell 'em Frank Drebin says --"
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Forget it."
  • (Cabbie) "I wonder what the devil he wanted."
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Rocco could tell from my little escapade in the shower that I was well endowed -- with courage."
  • (Tyrone) "You just watch your step, McGurke. This place here changes a man."
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Yeah? In what way?"
  • (Tyrone) "I used to be white. I was the drummer for the Osmonds."
  • (Fred Ward) "Screw around with me, and Tyrone here will make you feel pain that you'd never belive."
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Yeah, I remember the Osmonds."
  • (Big Hairy Con) "Bend over and pick it up for me, would you lover?"
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Sure. No problem."

Fred Ward as Rocco Dillon

  • (Fred Ward) "I've been watching you McGurke. You handle yourself really good."
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Really well."
  • (Fred Ward) "Whatever."
  • (Muriel Dillon) "How's my little boy? Getting along OK, sweetie?"
  • (Fred Ward) "As well as a heterosexual can in prison. I don't know how much longer I can take it. How's Tanya?"
  • (Muriel Dillon) "Tanya's the same. Milky, creamy skin, pouting red lips, firm buttocks, ample breasts, ears you want to stick your tongue into."
  • (Fred Ward) "Ma, please. I'm gonna get guy cramps if you keep this up."
  • (Fred Ward) "Any last words before I throw you off?"
  • (Priscilla Presley) "Yes. Don't do it."
  • (Fred Ward) "Where's your prison number?"
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "It's unlisted."

Joe Grifasi as Director

  • (Joe Grifasi) "Someone make a note. I don't think we should have Phil Donahue back next year."

George Kennedy as Ed Hocken

  • (George Kennedy) "You haven't shot anybody in six months."
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "That's true. Funny how you miss the little things."

Anna Nicole Smith as Tanya Peters

  • (Anna Nicole Smith) "What are you doing?"
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Oh. I was, uh, just conjugating my next move."
  • (Anna Nicole Smith) "Your bishop's exposed."
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "It's these pants."
  • (Anna Nicole Smith) "You're all man. I like that in my men."
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "You're coming on to me big time, sister. You're preying on me like a kitten with a fresh mouse. And we got a problem."
  • (Anna Nicole Smith) "You're Jewish?"
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "No. You're Rocko's girl, and in my book that chapter's called "look but don't touch.""
  • (Anna Nicole Smith) "I could have two lovers."
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Kinky. But I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible."

Priscilla Presley as Jane Spencer

  • (Priscilla Presley) "Now I know why Ed's been calling every half hour. You've been back on a case, haven't you?"
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "No, no, I swear, it's another woman."
  • (Priscilla Presley) "In your wildest dreams."
  • (Priscilla Presley) "How could you."
  • (Anna Nicole Smith) "Well, you just shove your tongue as far down his throat as you can."
  • (Dr. Stuart Eisendrath) "You know, I feel it's important to get off on the right foot and not get caught up in blame. Now, which one of you is impotent?"
  • (Priscilla Presley) "Uh, that would be him."
  • (Leslie Nielsen) "Why don't you ask who's frigid?"
  • (Priscilla Presley) "Uh, that would be him also."

Raye Birk as Papshmir

  • (Raye Birk) "You are supposed to be the world's foremost terrorist bomber. Airlines, government buildings --"
  • (Muriel Dillon) "The devastation in South Florida."
  • (Raye Birk) "That was Hurricane Andrew."
  • (Muriel Dillon) "That's what they told the public."

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