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And Now for Something Completely Different Quotes

And Now for Something Completely Different is a television program that first aired in 1970 . And Now for Something Completely Different stopped airing in 1970.

It features Patricia Casey as producer, Douglas Gamley, Terry Jones, Michael Palin, and Fred Tomlinson in charge of musical score, and David Muir as head of cinematography.

And Now for Something Completely Different is recorded in English and originally aired in United Kingdom. Each episode of And Now for Something Completely Different is 88 minutes long. And Now for Something Completely Different is distributed by Columbia Pictures.

And Now for Something Completely Different Quotes

  • (Hungarian man) "I will not buy this record, it is scratched."
  • (Tobacconist) "What?"
  • (Hungarian man) "I will not buy this record, it is scratched."
  • (Tobacconist) "No, no, this is a tobacconist."
  • (Hungarian man) "Ah. I will not buy this tobacconist, it is scratched."
  • (Tobacconist) "No, no, tobacco -- cigarettes."
  • (Hungarian man) "Cigarettes? Ya ya."
  • (Hungarian man) "Ah -- my hovercraft is full of eels."
  • (Tobacconist) "What?"
  • (Hungarian man) "My hovercraft is full of eels."
  • (Tobacconist) "Matches?"
  • (Hungarian man) "Ya ya. Do you want -- do you want -- to come back to my place, bouncy bouncy?"
  • (Tobacconist) "That will be six shillings, please."
  • (Hungarian man) "If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me -- I am no longer infected."
  • (Self-Defense teacher) "Now, it's quite simple to deal with a banana fiend. First, you force him to drop the banana. Then, you eat the banana, thus disarming him. You have now rendered him helpless."
  • (Self-Defense student #2) "Suppose he's got a bunch?"
  • (Self-Defense teacher) "SHUT UP."
  • (Self-Defense student #4) "Suppose he's got a pointed stick?"
  • (Self-Defense teacher) "-- SHUT UP."
  • (Bevis) "I didn't want to do this, you know. I wanted to be a lumberjack."
  • (Mr. Praline) "Yes, this is irrelevant."
  • (Bevis) "Yes. A lumberjack. Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia. The smell of fresh cut timber. The giant redwood. The larch. The fir. The mighty Scots pine. With my best girlie by my side, we'd sing -- sing -- sing."
  • (Bevis) "I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK/I sleep all night and I work all day."
  • (Unnamed) "He's a lumberjack and he's OK/He sleeps all night and he works all day."
  • (Bevis) "I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lavatory/On Wednesdays I go shopping and have buttered scones for tea."
  • (Unnamed) "He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch, he goes to the lavatory/On Wednesdays he goes shopping and has buttered scones for tea./He's a lumberjack and he's OK/He sleeps all night and he works all day."
  • (Bevis) "I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wildflowers/I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars."
  • (Unnamed) "He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps, he likes to press widlflowers."
  • (Unnamed) "He puts on -- women's -- clothing? And hangs around -- in -- bars?"
  • (Unnamed) "He's a lumberjack and he's OK/He sleeps all night and he works all day."
  • (Bevis) "I cut down trees, I wear high heels, suspenders and a bra/I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear papa."
  • (Unnamed) "He cuts down trees, he wears -- high -- heels? Suspenders? And a -- bra? Ugghhh --"
  • (Bevis) "I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear papa."
  • (Best Girl) "Oh, Bevis. And I though you were so butch."
  • (Unnamed) "Wenn ist das Nurnstuck git und Slotermeyer? Ja. Feierhund das oder die Flipperwaldt gersput."
  • (Announcer) "These rabbits have been carefully staked to the ground, so they won't move around as much, as this is only a one-day event."
  • (Sergeant-Major) "Now, I would just like to point out that this film is displaying a distinct tendency to become SILLY. Now, nobody likes a good laugh more than I do -- except, perhaps my wife -- and some of her friends. Oh, yes, and Captain Johnson. Come to think of it, most people like a good laugh more than I do, but that's beside the point. I'm warning this film NOT to get SILLY again. Right."
  • (Sergeant-Major) "Squad -- CAMP it UP."
  • (Unnamed) "Ooh get her. Whoops, I've got your number ducky, you couldn't afford me dear, two three. I'll scratch your eyes out. Don't come the Brigadier bit with us dear, we all know where you've been, you military fairy. Two, three, one, two, three, four, five, six. Whoops. Don't look now girls, the man has just minced in with that jolly colour Sergeant, two three. OOOOH."
  • (Sergeant-Major) "Right now. Stop that. Silly. And a bit suspect, I think. Time for a cartoon."
  • (Announcer) "And now for something completely different."
  • (Sergeant-Major) "Now, Director, when I say "Cut", cut to the next sketch. Director --"
  • (Announcer) "This is a frightened city --"
  • (Sergeant-Major) "Wait for it."
  • (Sergeant-Major) "Director, Cut."
  • (Announcer) "This is a frightened city --"
  • (Woman) "Agnes? Did you see who moved in next door?"
  • (Agnes) "Yes. Black as the ace of spades, they were."
  • (Woman) "Oh, well. There goes the neighbourhood."
  • (Announcer) "In 1945, peace broke out."
  • (Announcer) "This is Mr Nesbitt of Harlow New Town. Mr Nesbitt, will you stand up, please?"
  • (Announcer) "Mr Nesbitt has learned the first lesson of not being seen: not to stand up. However, he has chosen a very obvious piece of cover."
  • (Customer) "Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there."
  • (Owner) "Well, o'course it was nailed there. If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM. Feeweeweewee."
  • (Customer) ""VOOM"? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it. 'E's bleedin' demised."
  • (Owner) "No no. 'E's pining."
  • (Customer) "'E's not pinin'. 'E's passed on. This parrot is no more. He has ceased to be. 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker. 'E's a stiff. Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies. 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory. 'E's off the twig. 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible. THIS IS AN EX-PARROT."
  • (Announcer) "In this picture, there are forty-seven people. None of them can be seen. In this film, we hope to show you how not to be seen. This is Mr E.R. Bradshaw of Napier Court, Black Lion Road, London, SE14. He cannot be seen. Now I'm going to ask him to stand up. Mr Bradshaw, will you stand up, please?"
  • (Announcer) "This demonstrates the value of not being seen."
  • (Mungo the Cook) "You bastards. You vicious, heartless bastards. Look what you've done to him. He's worked his fingers to the bone to make this place what it is, and you come in with your petty feeble quibbling and you grind him into the dirt, this fine, honorable man, whose boots you are not worthy to kiss. Oh -- it makes me mad --"
  • (Mungo the Cook) "Mad. Stark, stirring -- MAD."
  • (Sergeant-Major) "Right. Stop that. It's SILLY. Very SILLY indeed. Started off as a nice little idea about old ladies attacking young men, but now it's just got SILLY. His hair's too long for a vicar, too, and you can tell those are not proper keep-left signs. CLEAR OUT, THE LOT OF YOU."
  • (Worker 1) "Did you see that?"
  • (Worker 2) "Hmm?"
  • (Worker 1) "Somebody just went past that window, downwards."
  • (Worker 2) "Oh."
  • (Worker 1) "Oh."
  • (Worker 1) "Another one."
  • (Worker 2) "Hmm?"
  • (Worker 1) "Two people have just fallen past that window."
  • (Worker 2) "Oh."
  • (Worker 1) "Look, two people"
  • (Worker 1) ", three people have just fallen past that window."
  • (Worker 2) "Must be a board meeting."
  • (Worker 1) "Oh, yeah."
  • (Worker 1) "That was Wilkins, of finance."
  • (Worker 2) "No, that was Robertson."
  • (Worker 1) "Wilkins."
  • (Worker 2) "It was Robertson."
  • (Worker 1) "That was Wilkins."
  • (Worker 2) "Oh, yeah."
  • (Worker 1) "Be Parkinson next."
  • (Worker 2) "I bet you it won't."
  • (Worker 1) "How much? How much do you bet it won't? Fiver? Right. Done. You're on. Parkinson next. Come on, Parky."
  • (Worker 2) "Don't be silly, Parky."
  • (Worker 1) "Come on, Parkinson."
  • (Worker 2) "Don't be stupid, man."
  • (Worker 1) "Come on, man, jump."
  • (Voice) "Dear sir, I would like to complain about that last scene about people falling off tall buildings. I myself have worked all my life in such a building,"
  • (Voice) "and -- have -- never -- once -- AAHHHH."
  • (Restaurant patron #1) "Lucky I didn't tell them about the dirty knife."
  • (Emcee) "Thank you, thank you, Conrad Poohs and his exploding teeth. A smile, two fangs, and an "excuse me.""

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