The Wizard (Seinfeld) Quotes

The Wizard (Seinfeld) is a TV program that appeared on TV in 1970 . The Wizard ended in 1970.

The Wizard (Seinfeld) Quotes

• (Unnamed) "Uh, Mrs. Ross, it's; it's George."
• (Unnamed) "Who?"
• (Unnamed) "George Costanza, Susan's, uh, friend? -- Long time, no speak."

• (Unnamed) "Don't eat cookies for breakfast. I'll fix you something. How about a feta cheese omelet?"
• (Unnamed) "Mmm, that sounds great, Mom."
• (Unnamed) "You feed him, he'll never leave."

• (Unnamed) "I got a message from the Rosses at work today."
• (Unnamed) "Susan's parents? When's the last time you talked with them?"
• (Unnamed) "At the funeral, give or take --. You know, deep down, I always kinda felt that they blamed me for Susan's death."
• (Unnamed) "Why? Because you picked out the poison envelopes? -- That's silly."

• (Unnamed) "Hey, buddy. When did you get in?"
• (Unnamed) "Kramer, what are you doing here?"
• (Unnamed) "I told you I was retiring. I moved in next door."
• (Unnamed) "Mr. Cornstein died, and it's a beautiful apartment."
• (Unnamed) "Yeah, your folks said it was for rent, so I jumped on it."
• (Unnamed) "Kramer, you can't live down here. This is where people come to die."
• (Unnamed) "Not you. Older people."

• (Unnamed) "Oh, Mrs. Ross, Mr. Ross."
• (Unnamed) "Oh, you're George's friend."
• (Unnamed) "We saw him in the city this weekend. What happened to his place in the Hamptons?"
• (Unnamed) "The Hamptons? George Costanza? I -"
• (Unnamed) "I don't think so."
• (Unnamed) "Have a good one."

• (Unnamed) "We're campaigning, Jerry. To rule the people, one must walk among them."

• (Unnamed) "So, did you figure out Darryl's -- you know?"
• (Unnamed) "Nah, I've given up, so now we're going to a bunch of Spanish restaurants --. Figure that'll cover us either way."
• (Unnamed) "You're a master of race relations."

• (Unnamed) "Boys, I'm retiring."
• (Unnamed) "From what?"

• (Unnamed) "When are they gonna learn that any news about China is an instant page-turner?"

• (Unnamed) "Jerry?"
• (Unnamed) "He's still down with his folks."
• (Unnamed) "What are you doing here?"
• (Unnamed) "Elaine? Elaine?"
• (Unnamed) "I'm gettin' his mail."
• (Unnamed) "Oh, no."
• (Unnamed) "He asked you to get the mail?"
• (Unnamed) "Mm-hmm."
• (Unnamed) "Jerry, why is Elaine getting your mail?"
• (Unnamed) "George, listen to me. I have a very important job for you --. I want you to come by twice a day and flush the toilet so the gaskets don't dry out and leak."
• (Unnamed) "Well, what about the mail?"
• (Unnamed) "This is far more important. You must exercise the gaskets, George."
• (Unnamed) "All right, Jerry; I'll do it. See ya."

• (Unnamed) "So, ran into the Rosses again."
• (Unnamed) "Oh, right, at the coffee shop. Where did they get the idea that you have a place in the Hamptons?"
• (Unnamed) "From me."
• (Unnamed) "What did you say?"
• (Unnamed) "I told them I have a place in the Hamptons. What did you say?"
• (Unnamed) "I told them you didn't. And I laughed and I laughed."
• (Unnamed) "So they knew? Those liars."
• (Unnamed) "But, you lied first."
• (Unnamed) "Yeah, but they let me go on and on all about the Hamptons; they never said a thing. You don't let somebody lie when you know they're lying; you call them a liar."
• (Unnamed) "Like, "You're a liar.""
• (Unnamed) "Yes. Thank you. Was that so hard?"
• (Unnamed) "So is this over? Not over? -- I'm bettin' "not over.""
• (Unnamed) "Not by a long shot. I'm calling up the Rosses and inviting them out to my nonexistent place in the Hamptons. Then, we'll see who blinks first."
• (Unnamed) "Haven't you done enough to these people?"
• (Unnamed) "This is not about them. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to exercise Jerry's gaskets."

• (Unnamed) "What's that?"
• (Unnamed) "It's a Wizard electronic organizer for my dad. I'm going to Florida for his birthday."
• (Unnamed) "How much was it?"
• (Unnamed) "Two hundred, but I'll tell him it's fifty. He doesn't care about the gift; he gets excited about the deal."
• (Unnamed) "Where are you gettin' a Wizard for fifty dollars?"
• (Unnamed) "Eh, I'll tell him I got it on the street; maybe it's hot; that's his favorite."

• (Unnamed) "House in the Hamptons?"
• (Unnamed) "Well, you know, I've been lying about my income for a few years; I figured I could afford a fake house in the Hamptons."

• (Unnamed) "-- and that leads into the master bedroom."
• (Unnamed) "Tell us more."
• (Unnamed) "Wanna hear more? -- The master bedroom opens into the solarium."
• (Unnamed) "Another solarium?"
• (Unnamed) "Yes, two solariums. Quite a find --. And, I -- have horses, too."
• (Unnamed) "What are their names?"
• (Unnamed) "Snoopy and Prickly Pete --. Should I keep driving?"
• (Unnamed) "Oh, look: an antique stand. Pull over; we'll buy you a housewarming gift."
• (Unnamed) "Housewarming gift --."
• (Unnamed) "All right; we're taking it up a notch."

• (Unnamed) "Hey, so Kramer's running for president of the condo?"
• (Unnamed) "Yeah, it's all my father's doing. He wants to install Kramer in a puppet regime and then wield power from behind the scenes; preferably from the sauna in the clubhouse."
• (Unnamed) "Who are they running against?"
• (Unnamed) "Common sense and a guy in a wheelchair."

• (Unnamed) "Did you hear that?"
• (Unnamed) "What?"
• (Unnamed) "God, there are still people who have trouble with an interracial couple."
• (Unnamed) "Interracial? Us?"
• (Unnamed) "Isn't that unbelievable?"
• (Unnamed) "Yes. It's awful. They're upset because we're an interracial couple."
• (Unnamed) "That is racism."
• (Unnamed) "I don't feel like eating."
• (Unnamed) "Me neither; well, maybe this turkey club."

• (Unnamed) "Rosses."
• (Unnamed) "George, we were just talking about you."
• (Unnamed) "Oh --"
• (Unnamed) "Well, sorry I missed that, uh, charity thing, but this was one of those truly glorious Hampton weekends that you always hear about."
• (Unnamed) "Really?"
• (Unnamed) "Yeah, I may move out there."
• (Unnamed) "I mean it; I'll do it --. Okay, I'll see you later --. Keep it real."

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