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Hudson Hawk Quotes

Hudson Hawk is a TV program that first aired in 1970 . Hudson Hawk ended its run in 1970.

It features Joel Silver as producer, Michael Kamen, and Robert Kraft in charge of musical score, and Dante Spinotti as head of cinematography.

Hudson Hawk is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Hudson Hawk is 100 minutes long. Hudson Hawk is distributed by TriStar Pictures.

The cast includes: William Conrad as Narrator, Bruce Willis as Hudson Hawk, Sandra Bernhard as Waiter, Andie MacDowell as Anna, Richard E. Grant as Darwin Mayflower, Leonardo Cimino as Cardinal, Danny Aiello as Tommy Five-Tone, Andrew Bryniarski as Butterfinger, Lorraine Toussaint as Almond Joy, Sandra Bernhard as Minerva Mayflower, James Coburn as George Kaplan, Doug and Steve Martin as Igg, Doug and Steve Martin as Ook, Don Patrick Harvey as Snickers, Donald Burton as Alfred, Frank Stallone as Cesar Mario, and Carmine Zozzara as Antony Mario.

Hudson Hawk Quotes

Danny Aiello as Tommy Five-Tone

  • (Danny Aiello) "That doughnut-hole-eating, son-of-a-bitch, take-it-in-the-ear-for-a-beer, rat bastard."
  • (Danny Aiello) "I hated cigarettes until I saw my first NO SMOKING sign. Keep off the grass? Let's play soccer. The law I cared for was friendship. I broke that one too, didn't I."
  • (Danny Aiello) "Did I miss anything?"
  • (Bruce Willis) "Gates tries to blackmail me, you ask me "Did I miss anything." Gates gets killed, you say "Did I miss anything." I bet you went up to Mrs. Lincoln at the Ford Theatre and said "How was the show? Did I miss anything?""
  • (Danny Aiello) "You know they invented something while you were inside? It's called "the watch"."

Richard E. Grant as Darwin Mayflower

  • (Richard E. Grant) "I'll kill your friends, your family, and the bitch you took to the prom."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Betty Jo Bialowski? I can get you an address on that, if you want."
  • (Richard E. Grant) "Money isn't everything; gold is. Fuck T-bills. Fuck blue chip stocks. Fuck junk bonds. We've got the real deal. Money will always be paper, but gold will always be GOLD."
  • (Richard E. Grant) "What can I tell you? I'm the villain."
  • (Richard E. Grant) "History, tradition, culture -- are not concepts. These are trophies I keep in my den as paperweights. The chaos we will cause with this machine will be our final masterpiece."
  • (Richard E. Grant) "You New York Italian, father-made-twenty-bucks-a-week son of a bitch."
  • (Richard E. Grant) "Listen, Hawk, this might be hard to believe, but I'm just a regular Joe. I just want to be happy. And happiness comes from the achievement of goals. It's just that when you've made your first billion by the age of nineteen, it's hard to keep coming up with new ones. But now, finally, I've got myself a new goal -- World domination."
  • (Richard E. Grant) "I suppose we're just going to have to kill them."
  • (Doug and Steve Martin) "Igg."
  • (Doug and Steve Martin) "Ook."
  • (Richard E. Grant) "God, Minerva. I was just joking."
  • (Richard E. Grant) "If Da Vinci was alive today, he'd be eating microwave sushi, naked, in the back of a Cadillac with the both of us."
  • (Richard E. Grant) "Waldo, 100 million clams. Yes."
  • (Auctioneer) "That's 100 millon dollars to Mr. Darwin Mayflower."
  • (Sandra Bernhard) "100 million and one, Waldo."
  • (Auctioneer) "Fantastic. 100 million dollars and one."
  • (Richard E. Grant) "Outbid by mine own wench. Quelle bummere."
  • (Sandra Bernhard) "Don't hate me baby."
  • (Richard E. Grant) "The last ingredient in the recipe is Da Vinci's model of a helicopter --"
  • (Sandra Bernhard) "-- on display for three days only at the Louvre in Paris."
  • (Bruce Willis) "As opposed to the Louvre in Wisconsin?"
  • (Richard E. Grant) "Shut up, you're going to make me lose my train of thought."
  • (Richard E. Grant) "So, Hawkmeister. We've got you clothes, a great hotel and a 250,000 lira per diem."
  • (Sandra Bernhard) "That's 200 dollars a day. So he can get a hooker and some tequila? Veto, Darwin."
  • (Bruce Willis) "I guess we see who wears the penis in this family."

Andie MacDowell as Anna

  • (Andie MacDowell) "I feel like a dolphin who's never tasted melted snow. What does the color blue taste like? Bobo knows? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I must speak with the dolphins now. Eeeee-eeee-eee-eeeeeee."
  • (Andie MacDowell) "In one day; less than one day of planning, and you did it. You started the week by stealing the Sforza and ended by swiping the Codex. What are your plans for the weekend? Hoisting away the Coliseum? Tell me, did the Devil make you do it, or did Darwin and Minerva Mayflower?"
  • (Bruce Willis) "Can't we just go back to the kissing part?"
  • (Andie MacDowell) "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been 1,200 hours since my last confession."
  • (Leonardo Cimino) "Hit me with your best shot."
  • (Andie MacDowell) "I betrayed a man. A good man. An innocent man. A thief."
  • (Andie MacDowell) "It doesn't mean I don't love you."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Oh, no. You love me. It's your job. You probably love Butterfinger over there."
  • (Andie MacDowell) "Well, yeah, in a weird sort of Catholic way, I do."
  • (Andie MacDowell) "Wow. You were -- in the joint. Doing -- hard time. You know, it's funny, but that excites me. I seem to have a thing for sinners."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Well, I seem to have a thing for sinning."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Check please."
  • (Andie MacDowell) "He's definitely gonna steal the Codex. I can feel it. I'm not sure when."
  • (Leonardo Cimino) "Attempt to steal, you mean. The vanity in this man Hudson Hawk. The Vatican has foiled the advances of pirates and terrorists. We will not lie down for some schmuck from New Jersey."

William Conrad as Narrator

  • (William Conrad) "Long ago, the Duke of Milan commissioned a little known artist to erect a Mammoth statue of a horse. The time was 1481 -- The artist was Leonardo da Vinci -- The guy on the donkey's just a guy on a donkey."

Don Patrick Harvey as Snickers

  • (Don Patrick Harvey) "Get this fucking thing off my head."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Hey Tommy, look at Snickers."
  • (Danny Aiello) "Yeah, he's about to have a bad migraine."
  • (Don Patrick Harvey) "Maybe it was a dud."
  • (Don Patrick Harvey) "Guys, we got some good news and some bad news."
  • (Lorraine Toussaint) "The good news is, you'll be completely un-paralyzed in about two minutes."
  • (Don Patrick Harvey) "The bad news is, that only leaves you five seconds to defuse the bombs."
  • (Danny Aiello) ""Bombs"?"
  • (Don Patrick Harvey) "I'm so glad it had to end like this. I'll just shoot one in the kitchen for good measure --"

Sandra Bernhard as Minerva Mayflower

  • (Sandra Bernhard) "Bunny, ball ball."
  • (Sandra Bernhard) "Why is the world jam packed with such idiots? Every Schmo has a fantasy that the planet revolves around them. It rains, a car crash happens, they say 'How can this happen to me?' But for us, this isn't a fantasy, it is a reality."
  • (Richard E. Grant) "Oh yes. If De Vinci were alive today, he'd be eating microwaved sushi, naked in the back of a Cadillac with the both of us. The project of his life is now toy of mine. History -- Tradition -- Culture -- are not concepts. These are trophies I keep in my den as paperweights. The chaos we will cause with this machine will be our final masterpiece."
  • (Sandra Bernhard) "I am the waiter, sir."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Oh. Very nice. Fettucini con fungi porcinni. Prego. Oh, and bring me a bottle of ketchup, will ya?"
  • (Andie MacDowell) "You heard him."
  • (Sandra Bernhard) "Ketchup. Ketchup. Stupid Americanos, always ketchup --"

Bruce Willis as Hudson Hawk

  • (Bruce Willis) "Those better be tears you're crying, Tommy."
  • (Danny Aiello) "They are."
  • (Bruce Willis) "They had the worst ketchup when I was in prison."
  • (Andie MacDowell) "Prison?"
  • (Bruce Willis) "-- I was the warden?"
  • (Bruce Willis) "Looks like you won't be attending that hat convention in July."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Will you play Nintendo with me?"
  • (Andie MacDowell) "I can't think of anyone I'd rather play Nintendo with."
  • (Bruce Willis) "You fuck my freedom for a lousy job?"
  • (Bruce Willis) "If the Mario brothers weren't New Jersey's third-largest crime family, I'd say, "Kiss my ass." But considering your status, I will say, "Slurp my butt.""
  • (Bruce Willis) "Hey, this doesn't taste like cappuccino."
  • (Andie MacDowell) "Oh. I guess I put too much ethyl chloride in it."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Reindeer Goat Cheese Pizza?"
  • (Gates) "I got a proposition for ya."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Answer's "no," Gates -- Even if you bathe."
  • (Bruce Willis) "How am I driving? 1-800-I'm-gonna-fuckin'-die."
  • (Bruce Willis) "What's with all these stones in people's back yard?"
  • (Danny Aiello) "That is called ruins --"
  • (Bruce Willis) "But I want to do community service; I want to teach the handicapped how to yodel."
  • (Bruce Willis) "You're supposed to be all cracked up at the bottom of the hill."
  • (Danny Aiello) "Airbags. Can you fucking believe it?"
  • (Andie MacDowell) "You're supposed to be blown up into fiery chunks of flesh."
  • (Danny Aiello) "Sprinkler system set up in the back. Can you fucking believe it?"
  • (Bruce Willis) "OW. What the fuck is the matter with you?"
  • (Don Patrick Harvey) "Name's Snickers. Your plane leaves in forty."
  • (Lorraine Toussaint) "Almond Joy. Get it? Candy bars. It's better than when we first started out, our code names were diseases. Do you know what it's like being called Chlamydia for a year? Whoops, forgot."
  • (Andrew Bryniarski) "The name's Butterfinger."
  • (Bruce Willis) "No shit."
  • (James Coburn) "Do you like the Company's new look? I call them the MTV-IA."
  • (Lorraine Toussaint) "George, you promised: no old CIA/new CIA jokes."
  • (James Coburn) "Punks. They think that the Bay of Pigs is an herbal tea and that the Cold War has something to do with Penguins."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Don't I know you?"
  • (James Coburn) "The last time you saw me, I was bald, with a beard and no mustache, and I had a different nose. So if you don't recognize me, I won't be offended."
  • (Bruce Willis) "My high school science teacher?"
  • (James Coburn) "I'm the guy who tricked you into robbing the government installation, and then had you sent to prison for it."
  • (Bruce Willis) "George Kaplan."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Ha-ha -- I'm not the type to hold a grudge, George."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Anthony Mario, Cesar Mario. I didn't know the circus was in town."
  • (Frank Stallone) "So, Hawk, why won't you do the Auction House?"
  • (Bruce Willis) "Call me superstitious, Cesar, but I don't like committing a crime within 24 hours of getting out of the joint."
  • (Frank Stallone) "Come on, Hawk. It's one night;s work, you take their thingy and put it in this thingy."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Directions even your brother can understand."
  • (Carmine Zozzara) "Yeah. Directions even I can understand --"
  • (Frank Stallone) "Shut up."
  • (Frank Stallone) "Look, Hawk, if you wanna go straight, open up a hardware store and sell spatulas, be my guest."
  • (Bruce Willis) "You know, if the Marios weren't the 3rd largest crime family in New York I'd say "Kiss my Ass" but considering your status I'm gonna say "Slurp my Butt.""
  • (Danny Aiello) "Have you ladies sampled our fine house wine? I think you'll enjoy it."
  • (Carmine Zozzara) "Beat it Tommy, huh? No Dionsaurs allowed."
  • (Danny Aiello) "Here."
  • (Frank Stallone) "Stop. Let's go."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Is looking like a constipated warthog a prerequisite for getting a job in the art world?"
  • (Bruce Willis) "Anna, we're supposed to be saving you."
  • (Andie MacDowell) "I know. I got bored so I saved myself."

James Coburn as George Kaplan

  • (James Coburn) "MY PENSION."
  • (James Coburn) "My employer wants a meeting."
  • (Bruce Willis) "Your employer? The President?"
  • (James Coburn) "No, somebody powerful."
  • (James Coburn) "Good God. What's that?"
  • (Bruce Willis) "Now, George, you don't really expect me to fall for that old trick, do you?"
  • (James Coburn) "Shucks, I guess not."

Donald Burton as Alfred

  • (Gates) "I went to a lot of trouble to get this for you. Now where the hell's my cut?"
  • (Donald Burton) "So much for his "cut.""
  • (Donald Burton) "Forgive my dry British humor."
  • (Gates) "So, when's this Sebastian Cabot Buckingham Palace-looking butler-head motherfucker getting here?"
  • (Donald Burton) "Any minute now, Mr. Gates."
  • (Gates) "Sorry, 'Jeeves'."

Lorraine Toussaint as Almond Joy

  • (Lorraine Toussaint) "I knew this is what I'd get for darting a nun."

Andrew Bryniarski as Butterfinger

  • (Andrew Bryniarski) "C'mon, Pierre. Read my lips: steak burger. French Fries? This is France, you gotta have French Fries."
  • (Lorraine Toussaint) "Actually, it's Italy, Butterfinger -- she said, as if it made a difference."
  • (Andrew Bryniarski) "Ah, to be in "Paree" and in love."

Leonardo Cimino as Cardinal

  • (Leonardo Cimino) "Oh, the Pope warned me never to trust the CIA."

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