Four Weddings and a Funeral Quotes

Four Weddings and a Funeral is a television program that appeared on TV in 1970 . Four Weddings and a Funeral stopped airing in 1970.

It features Duncan Kenworthy as producer, Richard Rodney Bennett in charge of musical score, and Michael Coulter as head of cinematography.

Four Weddings and a Funeral is recorded in English and originally aired in United Kingdom. Each episode of Four Weddings and a Funeral is 117 minutes long. Four Weddings and a Funeral is distributed by Rank Film Distributors.

The cast includes: John Hannah as Matthew, Kristin Scott Thomas as Fiona, James Fleet as Tom, Hugh Grant as Charles, Andie MacDowell as Carrie, Simon Callow as Gareth, David Haig as Bernard, Sophie Thompson as Lydia, Anna Chancellor as Henrietta, Charlotte Coleman as Scarlett, Rowan Atkinson as Father Gerald, David Bower as David, and David Haig as Serena.

Four Weddings and a Funeral Quotes

John Hannah as Matthew

• (John Hannah) "Gareth used to prefer funerals to weddings. He said it was easier to get enthusiastic about a ceremony one had an outside chance of eventually being involved in. In order to prepare this speech, I rang a few people, to get a general picture of how Gareth was regarded by those who met him: 'Fat' seems to have been a word people most connected with him. 'Terribly rude' also rang a lot of bells. So very 'fat' and very 'rude' seems to have been a stranger's viewpoint. On the other hand, some of you have been kind enough to ring me and let me know that you loved him, which I know he would have been thrilled to hear. You remember his fabulous hospitality, his strange experimental cooking: the recipe for "Duck à la Banana" fortunately goes with him to his grave. Most of all, you tell me of his enormous capacity for joy. When joyful, when joyful for highly vocal drunkenness. But I hope joyful is how you will remember him, not stuck in a box in a church. Pick your favourite of his waistcoats and remember him that way. The most splendid, replete, big-hearted, weak-hearted as it turned out, and jolly bugger most of us ever met. As for me, you may ask how I will remember him, what I thought of him. Unfortunately, there I run out of words. Perhaps you will forgive me if I turn from my own feelings to the words of another splendid bugger: W.H. Auden. This is actually what I want to say: "Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone. Silence the pianos and with muffled drum, Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come. Let the aeroplanes circle, moaning overhead, Scribbling on the sky the message 'He is Dead'. Put crepe bows 'round the white necks of the public doves, Let traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves. He was my North, my South, my East and West, My working week and my Sunday rest; My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song. I thought that love would last forever; I was wrong. The stars are not wanted now; put out every one, Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun; Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood, For nothing now can ever come to any good.""

• (John Hannah) "Sorry we're so late. The others are just parking the car, I thought we'd all go with Tom."
• (Hugh Grant) "Late? So late?"
• (John Hannah) "Yeah. It's 9:45."
• (Hugh Grant) "9:45?"
• (John Hannah) "Yep. 45 minutes until "I do"."

• (John Hannah) "I remember the first time I saw Gareth on a dancefloor. I feared lives would be lost."

Simon Callow as Gareth

• (Simon Callow) "The castle beckons, I think Tom."

• (Simon Callow) "It's Brigadoon. It's Bloody Brigadoon."

• (Unnamed) "Do you actually know Oscar Wilde?"
• (Simon Callow) "Not personally no. But I do know someone who could get you his fax number. Shall we dance?"

• (Simon Callow) "A toast before we go into battle. True love. In whatever shape or form it may come. May we all in our dotage be proud to say, "I was adored once too.""

• (Simon Callow) "We had the most delightful girl at our table. Carrie, apparently her fiancé's terribly grand and owns half of Scotland. How about you?"
• (Hugh Grant) "I seem to be stuck in the wedding from hell, ghosts of girlfriends past at every turn. Next thing I'll bump into Henrietta and the nightmare will be complete."
• (Anna Chancellor) "Hello Charles."
• (Hugh Grant) "Hello Hen, how are you?"

Hugh Grant as Charles

• (Hugh Grant) "f***-a-doodle-doo."

• (Hugh Grant) "Oh -- f***. f***."

• (Hugh Grant) "It is dangerous. You know, there's nothing more off-putting in a wedding than a priest with an enormous erection, yecch."

• (Hugh Grant) "Ehm, look. Sorry, sorry. I just, ehm, well, this is a very stupid question and -- , particularly in view of our recent shopping excursion, but I just wondered, by any chance, ehm, eh, I mean obviously not because I guess I've only slept with 9 people, but-but I-I just wondered -- ehh. I really feel, ehh, in short, to recap it slightly in a clearer version, eh, the words of David Cassidy in fact, eh, while he was still with the Partridge family, eh, "I think I love you," and eh, I-I just wondered by any chance you wouldn't like to -- Eh -- Eh -- No, no, no of course not -- I'm an idiot, he's not -- Excellent, excellent, fantastic, eh, I was gonna say lovely to see you, sorry to disturb -- Better get on --"
• (Andie MacDowell) "That was very romantic."
• (Hugh Grant) "Well, I thought it over a lot, you know, I wanted to get it just right."

• (Hugh Grant) "Excuse me. I think I had better be where other people are not."

• (Hugh Grant) "We were buying her a wedding dress."
• (David Bower) "Pathetic excuse. Who's she marrying?"
• (Hugh Grant) "Some total penis."
• (David Bower) "What is it about penises that they get such great wives?"

• (Hugh Grant) "Dear Lord, forgive me for what I am about to, ah, say in this magnificent place of worship -- Bugger. Bugger. Bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger."

• (Hugh Grant) "Ladies and gentlemen, l'm sorry to drag you from your desserts. There are just one or two little things I feel I should say, as best man. This is only the second time l've been a best man. I hope I did OK that time. The couple in question are at least still talking to me. Unfortunately, they're not actually talking to each other. The divorce came through a couple of months ago. But l'm assured it had absolutely nothing to do with me. Paula knew Piers had slept with her sister before I mentioned it in the speech. The fact that he'd slept with her mother came as a surprise, but I think was incidental to the nightmare of recrimination and violence that became their two-day marriage. Anyway, enough of that. My job today is to talk about Angus. There are no skeletons in his cupboard. Or so I thought. I'll come on to that in a minute. I would just like to say this. I am, as ever, in bewildered awe of anyone who makes this kind of commitment that Angus and Laura have made today. I know I couldn't do it and I think it's wonderful they can. So, back to Angus and those sheep."

• (Hugh Grant) "Why am I always at, uh, weddings, and never actually getting married, Matt?"
• (John Hannah) "It's probably 'cause you're a bit scruffy. Or it could also be 'cause you haven't met the right girl."
• (Hugh Grant) "Ah, but you see, is that it? Maybe I have met the right girls. Maybe I meet the right girls all the time. Maybe it's me."

• (Hugh Grant) "Any idea who the girl in the black hat is?"
• (Kristin Scott Thomas) "The name's Carrie."
• (Hugh Grant) "Pretty."
• (Kristin Scott Thomas) "American."
• (Hugh Grant) "Interesting."
• (Kristin Scott Thomas) "Slut."
• (Hugh Grant) "Really?"
• (Kristin Scott Thomas) "Used to work at Vogue. Lives in America now. Only gets out with very glamorous people. Quite out of your league."
• (Hugh Grant) "Well, that's a relief. Thanks."

• (Hugh Grant) "Time."
• (John Hannah) "Honestly?"
• (Hugh Grant) "Yes. Time."
• (John Hannah) "It's about ten to nine."
• (Hugh Grant) "Bastards."

• (Hugh Grant) "Let me ask you one thing. Do you think; after we've dried off, after we've spent lots more time together; you might agree not to marry me? And do you think not being married to me might maybe be something you could consider doing for the rest of your life?"
• (Andie MacDowell) "I do."

• (Hugh Grant) "Disastrous haircut."

• (Hugh Grant) "How do you do, my name is Charles."
• (Old man) "Don't be ridiculous, Charles died 20 years ago."
• (Hugh Grant) "Must be a different Charles, I think."
• (Old man) "Are you telling me I don't know my own brother."
• (Hugh Grant) "No, no."

• (Hugh Grant) "Do you think there really are people who can just go up and say, "Hi, babe. Name's Charles. This is your lucky night?""
• (John Hannah) "Well, if there are, they're not English."

• (Hugh Grant) "Yes, it's odd, isn't it? All these years we've been single and proud of it and never noticed that two of us were, in effect, married all this time."
• (James Fleet) "Traitors in our midst."

• (Hugh Grant) "Tom, are you the richest man in England?"
• (James Fleet) "Oh, no. We're -- like, seventh."

• (Hugh Grant) "Perhaps we should've got married."
• (Anna Chancellor) "No. I'd have had to marry your friends, and I'm not sure I could take Fiona."
• (Hugh Grant) "Fiona loves you."
• (Anna Chancellor) "Fiona calls me Duckface."
• (Hugh Grant) "Well, I never heard that."
• (Kristin Scott Thomas) "How's Duckface?"
• (Hugh Grant) "Good form actually, not too mad."

• (Hugh Grant) "Another wedding invitation. And a list. Lovely."

Andie MacDowell as Carrie

• (Andie MacDowell) "What about this? Do you think a vicar would think -- things had slipped just a little bit -- out of his control?"
• (Hugh Grant) "I think he might. This kind of thing is really meant -- to bring the honeymoon into the service itself."
• (Andie MacDowell) "Why do you think it's called "honeymoon"?"
• (Hugh Grant) "Um, I don't know -- I suppose it's, uh, "honey" because it's sweet as honey, and "moon" because it's the first time a husband got to see his wife's bottom."

• (Andie MacDowell) "Just before I go, when were you thinking of announcing the engagement?"
• (Hugh Grant) "Uhh -- I'm sorry, whose engagement?"
• (Andie MacDowell) "Ours. I assumed, since we slept together, that we would be getting married. What did you think?"
• (Hugh Grant) "What? I'm -- gosh, you know, that's, umm -- It takes a lot of thinking, that kind of thing, I mean, uhh -- Obviously, I'm --"
• (Hugh Grant) "You're joking."
• (Hugh Grant) "God -- For a moment there, I thought I was in "Fatal Attraction". I though you were -- Glenn Close, and I was gonna get home and find my pet rabbit in the stove."
• (Andie MacDowell) "No -- But I think we both missed a great opportunity here."

• (Andie MacDowell) "Having a good night?"
• (Hugh Grant) "Yes. It's right up there with my father's funeral for sheer entertainment value."

• (Andie MacDowell) "I think we both missed a great opportunity here."

• (Andie MacDowell) "First of all, l'd like to thank all of you who've flown in from the States. I'm really touched. As for the rest of you, l'd have thought that lots of frightful Americans flying in was an excuse for staying away, so I thank you, too."

• (Andie MacDowell) "Our timing has been very bad."
• (Hugh Grant) "Yes it has been. Very bad."
• (Andie MacDowell) "It's been a disaster."
• (Hugh Grant) "It has been, as you say, very bad indeed."

Kristin Scott Thomas as Fiona

• (Kristin Scott Thomas) "God, I never know what to say in these ghastly line-ups."
• (Simon Callow) "It's a cinch. Just give a big warm hug and say the bride looks -- pregnant."
• (John Hannah) "Or you can stick with convention and say "You must be very proud.""
• (Kristin Scott Thomas) "Heaven preserve us --"
• (Kristin Scott Thomas) "You must be very proud."

• (Kristin Scott Thomas) "There's a sort of greatness to your lateness."
• (Hugh Grant) "Thanks, it's not achieved without real suffering."

• (Kristin Scott Thomas) "Where's Gareth?"
• (John Hannah) "Torturing Americans."
• (Kristin Scott Thomas) "How thoughtful of him."

• (Kristin Scott Thomas) "It's rather like the first time one has sex, I suppose."
• (Rowan Atkinson) "I suppose so."
• (Kristin Scott Thomas) "Only not as messy, and far less cause for condoms."

• (Kristin Scott Thomas) "Do you think I'd hate him as much if he wasn't my brother?"

James Fleet as Tom

• (James Fleet) "Golly -- bloody Thunderbolt City."

• (James Fleet) "The great advantage of having a reputation for being stupid: People are less suspicious of you."

• (James Fleet) "Excellent wedding hairstyle."

• (James Fleet) "Splendid, I thought. What did you think?"
• (David Haig) "I, thought, splendid. What did you think?"
• (James Fleet) "Splendid, I thought."

• (James Fleet) "Oh, I don't know, Charlie. Unlike you, I never expected "the thunderbolt." I always just hoped that, that I'd meet some nice friendly girl, like the look of her, hope the look of me didn't make her physically sick, then pop the question and, um, settle down and be happy. It worked for my parents. Well, apart from the divorce and all that."

• (James Fleet) "Did anyone else tread in a cowpat? No, thought not."

• (James Fleet) "Well, let's face the facts. If you weren't certain you wanted to marry her today, of all days; i.e., your wedding day; then it must have been the right decision, mustn't it?"
• (Kristin Scott Thomas) "Quite right, Tom."

David Haig as Serena

• (David Haig) "How's it going, Lyds?"
• (Sophie Thompson) "Bloody awful."
• (David Haig) "Oh dear, what's the problem?"
• (Sophie Thompson) "I was promised sex. Everybody said it. You'll be a bridesmaid, you'll get sex, you'll be fighting 'em off. But not so much as a tongue in sight."
• (David Haig) "Well, I mean, if you fancy anything, I could always --"
• (Sophie Thompson) "Oh, don't be ridiculous, Bernard. I'm not that desperate."

• (David Haig) "Excuse me?"
• (David Haig) "Who's the boy over there? In the grey?"
• (John Hannah) "Name's David."
• (David Haig) "He's something of a dish, isn't he."
• (John Hannah) "I've always thought so."
• (David Haig) "Why are they -- why are they?"
• (John Hannah) "Oh, the dish can't hear."
• (David Haig) "Gosh --"
• (John Hannah) "Yeah. Silent, but deadly attractive."

• (David Haig) "I probably I'm naking tols of nistakes"

Anna Chancellor as Henrietta

• (Anna Chancellor) "Charles. Charles, we must talk."
• (Hugh Grant) "Right."
• (Anna Chancellor) "The thing is, Charlie, l've spoken to lots of people about you. Everybody agrees you're in real trouble, Charles."
• (Hugh Grant) "Am l?"
• (Anna Chancellor) "You see, you're turning into a kind of serial monogamist. One girlfriend after another, yet you never really let anyone near you. On the contrary -- You're affectionate to them and sweet to them. Even to me, although you thought I was an idiot."
• (Hugh Grant) "I did not."
• (Anna Chancellor) "You did. I thought U2 was a type of submarine."
• (Hugh Grant) "In a way, you were right. Their music has a naval quality."
• (Anna Chancellor) "Be serious, Charles. Give people a chance. You don't have to think 'I must get married', but you mustn't start relationships thinking 'I mustn't get married'."
• (Hugh Grant) "Most of the time I don't think at all. I just potter along."
• (Anna Chancellor) "Charlie. Oh, God. The way you used to look at me. I just misread it, that's all. I thought you were going to propose and you were just working out how to leave."

Charlotte Coleman as Scarlett

• (Charlotte Coleman) "What are you up to today?"
• (Hugh Grant) "Oh, yeah. I'm a -- Well, I'm taking advantage of the fact that for the first time in my entire life, it's Saturday and I don't have a wedding to go to."

• (Charlotte Coleman) "They say rubber's mainly for perverts. Don't know why. Think it's very practical, actually. I mean, you spill anything on it and it just comes off. I suppose that could be why the perverts like it."

• (Young Bridesmaid) "What's bonking?"
• (Charlotte Coleman) "Well, it's kinda like table tennis, only with slightly smaller balls."

Sophie Thompson as Lydia

• (Sophie Thompson) "Bernard."

Rowan Atkinson as Father Gerald

• (Rowan Atkinson) "In the name of the Father, and of the Son, & the Holy Spirit, Amen. Let us pray. Father, you have made the bond of marriage a mystery. A symbol of Christ's love for his children. Hear our prayers for Bernard and Lydia through your son Jesus Christ our Lord who lives and wraiths with you and the Holy Ghoat. Eh Ghost. One God, forever and ever, Amen."
• (John Hannah) "This is his first time. He's a friend of the family."
• (Hugh Grant) "Ahhh, Excellent."
• (Rowan Atkinson) "Bernard and Lydia, I shall now ask if you freely undertake the obligations of marriage. Bernard, repeat after me. I do solemnly declare that I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawfully impediment --"
• (David Haig) "I do solemnly declare that I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawfully impediment --"
• (Rowan Atkinson) "-- why I, Lydia --"
• (David Haig) "-- why I, Bernard --"
• (Rowan Atkinson) "Whoop, sorry. Why I, Bernard Godfrey St. John Delainey --"
• (David Haig) "Why I, Bernard Geoffrey Sinjin Delainey --"
• (Rowan Atkinson) "May not be joined in matrimony to Lydia John Herbert."
• (David Haig) "May not be joined in matrimony to Lydia Jane Herbert."
• (Rowan Atkinson) "Lydia, repeat after me. I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawfully impediment why I, Lydia Jane Herbert --"
• (Sophie Thompson) "I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawfully impediment why I, Lydia Jane Herbert --"
• (Rowan Atkinson) "May not be Johned in matrimony --"
• (Sophie Thompson) "May not be joined in matrimony --"
• (Rowan Atkinson) "to Bernard Geoffrey Siddle -- Siddle Delainey."
• (Sophie Thompson) "to Bernard Geoffrey Sinjin Delainey."
• (Rowan Atkinson) "I call upon those persons here present to witness -- that I, Bernard -- Delainey --"
• (David Haig) "I call upon those persons here present to witness -- that I, Bernard Delainey --"
• (Rowan Atkinson) "take thee Lydia Jane Herbert -- to be my awful wedded wife."
• (David Haig) "take thee Lydia Jane Herbert -- to be my lawful wedded wife."
• (Rowan Atkinson) "That's right -- That's right. May Almighty God bless you all in the name of the Father, the Son, & the Holy Spigot -- Spirit."
• (Unnamed) "Amen."
• (Simon Callow) "Bravo. Bravo."

David Bower as David

• (David Bower) "How are you doing?"
• (Hugh Grant) "You remember the time you started dad's boat and the propeller cut my leg to shreds?"
• (David Bower) "Yeah?"
• (Hugh Grant) "This is worse."

• (David Bower) "Beautiful breasts."
• (Hugh Grant) "Err, he says, "That's a beautiful place. Hilly.""

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change and want to let us know, please fill in the form below. Include the time in the film/video if possible so we can find it.