Clueless (film) Quotes

Clueless (film) is a TV program that was first aired in 1970 . Clueless ended in 1970.

It features Scott Rudin; Robert Lawrence as producer, David Kitay in charge of musical score, and Bill Pope as head of cinematography.

Clueless (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Clueless (film) is 97 minutes long. Clueless (film) is distributed by Paramount Pictures.

The cast includes: Elisa Donovan as Amber, Stacey Dash as Dionne, Alicia Silverstone as Cher, Alicia Silverstone as Cher Horowitz, Brittany Murphy as Tai, Justin Walker as Christian, Dan Hedaya as Mel, Breckin Meyer as Travis, Jeremy Sisto as Elton, Paul Rudd as Josh, Donald Faison as Murray, Paul Rudd as Lucy, and Wallace Shawn as Mr.Hall.

Clueless (film) Quotes

Alicia Silverstone as Cher

• (Alicia Silverstone) "So okay, I don't want to be a traitor to my generation and all but I don't get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair; ew; and cover it up with a backwards cap and like, we're expected to swoon? I don't think so."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Do you prefer "fashion victim" or "ensembly challenged"?"

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Are you talking about drugs?"
• (Brittany Murphy) "Yeah."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Tai, how old are you?"
• (Brittany Murphy) "I'll be 16 in May."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "My birthday is in April and as someone older, can I please give you some advice? It is one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties, but it is quite another to be fried all day."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "I want to do something for humanity."
• (Paul Rudd) "How about sterilization?"

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Christian said he'd call the next day, but in boy time that meant Thursday."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Anything you can do to draw attention to your mouth is good."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Suddenly a dark cloud settled over first period -- I got a C in debate?"

• (Alicia Silverstone) "If it's a concussion, you have to keep her conscious, okay? Ask her questions."
• (Jeremy Sisto) "What's seven times seven?"
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Stuff she knows."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Lucy, the fire department called again. They said we need to clear out that bush. You said you'd get Jose to do it."
• (Paul Rudd) "He your gardener, I don't know why you no tell him."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Lucy, you know I don't speak Mexican."
• (Paul Rudd) "I NOT A MEXICAN."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Great, what was that all about?"
• (Paul Rudd) "Lucy's from El Salvador."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "So?"
• (Paul Rudd) "So, it's an entirely different country."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "What does that matter?"
• (Paul Rudd) "You get mad if anyone thinks you live below Sunset."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Daddy, this is my friend Tai."
• (Dan Hedaya) "Get out of my chair."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "I felt impotent and out of control. Which I really, really hate. I had to find sanctuary in a place where I could gather my thoughts and regain my strength --"

• (Alicia Silverstone) "I'm still all red."
• (Stacey Dash) "Well I'm making you as white as I can, Cher."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "I was surfing the crimson wave. I had to haul ass to the ladies'."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Would you look at that body language? Legs crossed towards each other. That is an unequivocal sex invite."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "It's like that book I read in the 9th grade that said "'tis a far far better thing doing stuff for other people.""

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Daddy's a litigator. Those are the scariest kind of lawyer. Even Lucy, our maid, is terrified of him. And daddy's so good he gets $500 an hour to fight with people. But he fights with me for free because I'm his daughter."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Been shopping with Dr. Suess?"
• (Stacey Dash) "Well at least I wouldn't skin a collie to make my back pack."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "It's faux."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "He does dress better than I do, what would I bring to the relationship?"

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Dee, when your allergies act up, take out your nose ring."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Looks like we're gonna have to make a cameo at the Val party."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "So, how did I do?"
• (DMV Tester) "How'd you do? Well, let's just see shall we? You can't park, you can't change lanes, you can't make right hand turns, you damaged private property and you almost killed someone. Off hand, I'd say you failed."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Sometimes you have to show a little skin. This reminds boys of being naked, and then they think of sex."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Dionne and I were both named after famous singers of the past, who now do infomercials."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Shouldn't you go to school on the East Coast? I hear girls at N.Y.U. aren't at all particular."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Ooh. I wonder if they have that in my size."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "You are such a brown-noser."
• (Paul Rudd) "Oh, and you are such a superficial space cadet. What makes you think you can get teachers to change your grades?"
• (Alicia Silverstone) "The fact that I've done it every other semester."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Christian had a thing for Tony Curtis so he brought over "Some Like it Hot" and "Sporadicus"."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Wasn't my mom a total Betty? She died when I was young. A freak accident during a routine liposuction."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Okay, okay, so he is kind of a Baldwin."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "You can't be the absolute and final word on drivers' licenses?"
• (DMV Tester) "Girlie, as far as you're concerned, I am the messiah of the DMV."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "I feel like such a heifer. I had two bowls of Special K, 3 pieces of turkey bacon, a handful of popcorn, 5 peanut butter M&M;'s and like 3 pieces of licorice."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Sporadically. It means once in a while. Try to use it in a sentence."
• (Paul Rudd) "Be seeing you."
• (Brittany Murphy) "Yeah, I hope not sporadically."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "So like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, "What about the strain on our resources?" Well it's like when I had this garden party for my father's birthday, right? I put R.S.V.P. 'cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that like did not R.S.V.P. I was like totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you very much."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Old people can be so sweet."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "I'm captain of the Pismo Beach disaster relief."
• (Dan Hedaya) "I don't think they need your skis."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Daddy, some people lost all their belongings. Don't you think that includes athletic equipment?"

• (Alicia Silverstone) "You see how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Dionne and her boyfriend Murray are in this dramatic relationship. I think they've seen that Ike and Tina Turner movie too many times."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "I am totally butt crazy in love with Josh."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Ms. Stoger. That machine is just a lawsuit waiting to happen."
• (Miss Stoger) "Thanks for the legal advice."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "As if."

• (Heather) "It's just like Hamlet said, "To thine own self be true.""
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Hamlet didn't say that."
• (Heather) "I think I remember Hamlet accurately."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Well, I remember Mel Gibson accurately, and he didn't say that. That Polonius guy did."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Survey says?"
• (Brittany Murphy) "Doable."
• (Stacey Dash) "Puny. I like 'em big."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Ew I hate muscles."
• (Brittany Murphy) "You know I don't really mind either way. Just as long as his you-know-what isn't crooked. I really hate that."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "That's Ren and Stimpy. They're way existential."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Daddy."
• (Dan Hedaya) "Cher, please don't start with the juice again"
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Daddy you need your vitamin C"

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Well you can guess what happened next --"
• (Alicia Silverstone) "AS IF. I am only 16, and this is California, not Kentucky."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "This is where Dionne lives. She's my friend because we both know what it's like for people to be jealous of us."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Would you call me selfish?"
• (Stacey Dash) "No, not to your face."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "So, this flannel thing. Is that a nod to the crispy Seattle weather, or are you just trying to stay warm in front of the refrigerator?"

• (Alicia Silverstone) "A licensed driver with nothing to do? Where would I find such a loser?"

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Isn't my house classic? The columns date all the way back to 1972."

• (Alicia Silverstone) "Oh look, Josh is dancing with Tai, he never dances."
• (Justin Walker) "I can see why."

Dan Hedaya as Mel

• (Dan Hedaya) "Which reminds me, where's your report card?"
• (Alicia Silverstone) "It's not ready yet."
• (Dan Hedaya) "What do you mean, "it's not ready yet?""
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Well, some teachers are trying to low-ball me, Daddy. And I know how you say, "Never accept a first offer", so I figure these grades are just a jumping off point to start negotiations."

• (Dan Hedaya) "I'd like to see you have a little direction."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "I have direction."
• (Paul Rudd) "Yeah, towards the mall."

• (Dan Hedaya) "Josh, are you still growing? You look taller than you did at Easter."
• (Paul Rudd) "I don't think so."
• (Dan Hedaya) "Doesn't he look bigger?"
• (Alicia Silverstone) "His head does."

• (Dan Hedaya) "You drink?"
• (Justin Walker) "No, thanks. I'm cool."
• (Dan Hedaya) "I'm not offering. I'm asking you if you drink. You think I offer alcohol to teenage drivers taking my daughter out?"
• (Justin Walker) "Hey man, the protective vibe. I dig."

• (Dan Hedaya) "Anything happens to my daughter, I got a.45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you."

• (Dan Hedaya) "Where are you?"
• (Alicia Silverstone) "I'm just having a snack at my girlfriend's."
• (Dan Hedaya) "Where, in Kuwait?"
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Is that in the valley?"

• (Dan Hedaya) "We're going to have a NICE FAMILY MEAL."

• (Dan Hedaya) "You mean to tell me that you argued your way from a C+ to an A-?"
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Totally based on my powers of persuasion, you proud?"
• (Dan Hedaya) "Honey, I couldn't be happier than if they were based on real grades."

• (Dan Hedaya) "What's with you, kid? You think the death of Sammy Davis left an opening in the Rat Pack?"

• (Dan Hedaya) "Don't tell me those brain-dead lowlifes are calling me again."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "They are your parents."

• (Dan Hedaya) "So, what did you do in school today?"
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Well, I broke in my purple clogs."

• (Dan Hedaya) "I expect you to walk through this door in twenty minutes."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "It might take longer than that Dad."
• (Dan Hedaya) "Everywhere in L.A takes twenty minutes."

Paul Rudd as Josh

• (Paul Rudd) "Hey, James Bond, in America we drive on the right side of the road."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "I am. You try driving in platforms."

• (Paul Rudd) "We might get Marky Mark to plant a celebrity tree."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Oh how fabulous. Getting Marky Mark to take time from his busy pants dropping schedule to plant trees. Why don't you just hire a gardener?"
• (Paul Rudd) "You know, maybe Marky Mark wants to use his popularity for a good cause; make a contribution. In case you've never heard of that, a contribution is --"
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Excuse me, but I have donated many expensive Italian outfits to Lucy, and as soon I get my license, I fully intend to brake for animals, and I have contributed many hours to helping two lonely teachers find romance."
• (Paul Rudd) "Which I'll bet serves your interests more than theirs. You know, If I ever saw you do anything that wasn't ninety percent selfish, I'd die of shock."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Oh, that'd be reason enough for me."

• (Paul Rudd) "Hey, in some parts of the universe, maybe not in contempo-casual, but in some parts, it's considered cool to know what's going on in the world."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Thank you Josh. I SO need lessons from you on how to be cool. Tell me the part about Kenny G again?"

• (Paul Rudd) "Wow, you're fillin' out there."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Wow, your face is catching up with your mouth."

• (Paul Rudd) "Hey, just because my mother marries someone else, doesn't mean he's my father."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Actually, Kato, that's exactly what it means."

• (Paul Rudd) "Do you have any idea what you're talking about?"
• (Alicia Silverstone) "No. Why, does it sound like I do?"

• (Paul Rudd) "You look confused."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Well, I thought they declared peace in the Middle East."

• (Paul Rudd) "Look, I'm just curious. How many hours a day do you spend grooming yourself?"
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Some people are not lucky enough to be as naturally adorable as you are."
• (Paul Rudd) "Stop it, you're making me blush."

• (Paul Rudd) "You want to practice parking?"
• (Alicia Silverstone) "What's the point? Everywhere you go has valet."

Stacey Dash as Dionne

• (Stacey Dash) "Cher's saving herself for Luke Perry."

• (Stacey Dash) "Why do you care what he thinks, Murray? I'm the one who has to look at you. What am I gonna do with you now? And right before the yearbook pictures? What am I gonna tell my grandchildren? You know what? That's it --"
• (Donald Faison) "That's it."
• (Stacey Dash) "You wanna play games?"
• (Donald Faison) "You wanna play games?"
• (Stacey Dash) "I'm calling your mother."
• (Donald Faison) "Wait. Don't call my mom. Don't call my mom --"

• (Stacey Dash) "Phat. Did you write that?"
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Duh. It's like a famous quote."
• (Stacey Dash) "From where?"
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Cliff's Notes."

Brittany Murphy as Tai

• (Brittany Murphy) "Cher, I don't want to do this anymore. And my buns: they don't feel nothin' like steel."

• (Brittany Murphy) "You think I'm a mentally challenged airhead?"
• (Alicia Silverstone) "I never said that, I just think you two wouldn't mesh."

• (Brittany Murphy) "Man, this party is ragin'."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Let's do a lap before we commit to a location."

• (Brittany Murphy) "Do you think she's pretty?"
• (Alicia Silverstone) "No, she's a full-on Monet."
• (Brittany Murphy) "What's a monet?"
• (Alicia Silverstone) "It's like a painting, see? From far away, it's OK, but up close, it's a big old mess. Let's ask a guy. Christian, what do you think of Amber?"
• (Justin Walker) "Hagsville."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "See?"

• (Brittany Murphy) "If I'm too good for him, then how come I'm not with him?"

• (Brittany Murphy) "Wow, you guys talk like grown-ups."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Well, this is a really good school."

• (Brittany Murphy) "I could really use some sort of herbal refreshment."
• (Stacey Dash) "Oh, well we do lunch in ten minutes. We don't have any tea, but we have Coke and stuff."
• (Brittany Murphy) "No s***. You guys got Coke here?"
• (Stacey Dash) "Well, yeah."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Yeah, this is America."

• (Brittany Murphy) "Cher, you're a virgin?"
• (Alicia Silverstone) "You say that like it's a bad thing."
• (Stacey Dash) "Besides, the PC term is "Hymenally challenged"."

• (Brittany Murphy) "Why should I listen to you, anyway? You're a virgin who can't drive."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "That was way harsh, Tai."

• (Brittany Murphy) "s***, you guys, I have never had straight friends before."

Justin Walker as Christian

• (Justin Walker) "Do you like Billie Holiday?"
• (Alicia Silverstone) "I love him."

• (Justin Walker) "Thanks, man. You got my mark."

• (Justin Walker) "Oh honey, you baked."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "I tried."

• (Justin Walker) "Nice stems."

Donald Faison as Murray

• (Donald Faison) "Woman, lend me fi' dollas."
• (Stacey Dash) "Murray, I have asked you repeatedly not to call me "woman"."
• (Donald Faison) "Excuse me, "Ms. Dionne.""
• (Stacey Dash) "Thank you."
• (Donald Faison) "Okay, but, street slang is an increasingly valid form of expression. Most of the feminine pronouns do have mocking, but not necessarily in misogynistic undertones."

• (Donald Faison) "Woman, why don't you be answerin' any of my pages?"
• (Stacey Dash) "I hate when you call me woman."
• (Donald Faison) "Where you been all weekend? What's up? You been jeepin' behind my back?"
• (Stacey Dash) "Jeepin'? Jeepin'? No. But, speaking of vehicular sex, perhaps you can explain how this cheap K-Mart hair extension got into the backseat of your car."
• (Donald Faison) "I don't know where that came from. That looks like one of your little stringy somethin' or an others you got over here."
• (Stacey Dash) "I do not wear polyester hair, okay? Unlike some people I know like Shawana."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Dee, I'm outty."
• (Stacey Dash) "Bye."
• (Donald Faison) "Why do you got to go there? Why do you gotta go there? Is it that time of the month again?"

• (Donald Faison) "Your man Christian is a cake boy."
• (Stacey Dash) "A what?"
• (Donald Faison) "He's a disco-dancing, Oscar Wilde-reading, Streisand ticket-holding friend of Dorothy, know what I'm saying?"
• (Alicia Silverstone) "Uh-uh, no way, not even."
• (Donald Faison) "Yes, even; he's gay."
• (Stacey Dash) "He does like to shop, Cher. And the boy can dress."

Elisa Donovan as Amber

• (Elisa Donovan) "Was I the only one listening?I thought it reeked."
• (Alicia Silverstone) "No I believe that's your designer imposter perfume."

• (Elisa Donovan) "Ms. Stoeger, my plastic surgeon doesn't want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose."
• (Stacey Dash) "Well, there goes your social life."

• (Elisa Donovan) "Whatever."

• (Elisa Donovan) "She could be a farmer in those clothes."

Wallace Shawn as Mr.Hall

• (Wallace Shawn) "And could the suicide attempts PLEASE be postponed until the next period?"

• (Wallace Shawn) "So does anyone have any final thoughts on Cher's oration? Elton?"
• (Jeremy Sisto) "Yeah. I can't find my Cranberries CD. I gotta go to the quad before anyone snags it."

Breckin Meyer as Travis

• (Breckin Meyer) "I would like to say this. Tardiness is not something you can do on your own. Many, many people contributed to my tardiness. I would like to thank my parents for never giving me a ride to school, the LA city bus driver who took a chance on an unknown kid and last but not least, the wonderful crew from McDonalds who spend hours making those egg McMuffins without which I might never be tardy."

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