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Arrested Development Quotes

Arrested Development is a Sitcom that debuted in 2003 on Fox Broadcasting Company (2003-06). Arrested Development ended its run in 2006.

Arrested Development aired for 5 seasons and 84 (not including season 4 recut) episodes. It features Unbulleted list, Victor Hsu, Barbie Feldman Adler, Brad Copeland, John Amodeo, John Foy, Joe and Anthony Russo, Michael Cera as producer, and David Schwartz as composer. Arrested Development is executive produced by Unbulleted list Arrested Development is created by Mitchell Hurwitz.

Arrested Development is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Arrested Development is 22 minutes (seasons 1-3) long. Arrested Development is produced by Unbulleted list Imagine Entertainment The Hurwitz Company 20th Century Fox Television and distributed by 20th Television.

Arrested Development Quotes

  • (Tobias Fünke) "Somebody is a Rude Gus."
  • (Lucille) "The company is in danger."
  • (Michael) "What tipped you off? The falling profit margins or the fact that we're a regular feature on Bill O'Reilly's most ridiculous item of the day?"
  • (George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth) "Dad's going to be crushed."
  • (George Michael Bluth) "You don't have to tell him."
  • (George Sr.) "We're out of milk. I could have got it earlier if someone would have left a note."
  • (George Sr.) "Why? If someone had left a note, this innocent man would still have his arm. Why?"
  • (J. Walter Weatherman) "And that's why you always leave a note."
  • (George Sr.) "You should have seen the face he made when; well, he's my twin brother, I'll show you."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Michael, you are quite the cupid. You can stick an arrow in my buttocks any time."
  • (Gob) "Yeah, the guy in the $3,000 suit is holding the elevator for the guy who doesn't make that in four months. Come on."
  • (Maebe) "No more BS. No more BS."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Come on, Lindsay. We've had some great times."
  • (Narrator) "Gob had just blown up a car."
  • (Gob) "Next thing I know, I'm running for my life. And all I could think was if something were to ever happen to me, how sad I'd be, you know?"
  • (Lucille Austero) "What you did to me at lunch today -- You were ashamed to be with me."
  • (Gob) "No. I was ashamed to be seen with you. I like being with you."
  • (Lucille Austero) "I'm sorry, but you have no courage."
  • (Gob) "How can you say that? Shh. Thought I heard my mom."
  • (Gob) "How can you say that?"
  • (Gob) "George Michael -- Lets deal some drugs."
  • (Michael) "I burned it. Down to the ground."
  • (George Sr.) "There was money in that banana stand."
  • (Michael) "Well, it's all gone now."
  • (George Sr.) "There was $250,000 lining the inside walls of the banana stand."
  • (Michael) "What?"
  • (George Sr.) "Cash, Michael. What the hell did you think I meant when I said --"
  • (George Sr.) "There is money -- in -- the banana stand."
  • (Unnamed) "No Touching."
  • (George Sr.) "No touching."
  • (Unnamed) "No touching."
  • (Buster) "Mom is becoming a little controlling."
  • (Michael) "What tipped you off? When she locked you out on the balcony again?"
  • (Buster) "That was half my fault. I thought I saw a Graham Cracker out there."
  • (Michael) "You baited the balcony?"
  • (Lucille Bluth) "Prove it."
  • (Lucille) "If you're suggesting I play favorites, you're wrong. I love all of my children equally."
  • (Lucille) "I don't care for Gob."
  • (Gob) "I'm dating this Christian girl right now. She wants me to be honest and reconnect with my son. And I'm trying to get her to renounce God and fuck me, but I just want to prove to her that I'm worth it."
  • (Michael) "What's the matter with you? Didn't you bag some woman you're never going to see again?"
  • (Gob) "Well, I broke a couple of my own rules. She knows I'm Gob Bluth, and -- we got married, and --"
  • (Oscar) "The car."
  • (George Sr.) "Up yours Granny."
  • (Lucille) "You couldn't handle it."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough."
  • (Lucille) "Not as much as you enjoyed yours. You want the belt to buckle, not your chair."
  • (Lucille) "You might want to let that fire go out before you stick your face in it."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "That's funny, 'cause I was gonna say "You might wanna lean away from that fire since you're soaked in alcohol.""
  • (Lucille) "Mine was better."
  • (Uncle Jack) "I'm invited into very few personal homes."
  • (Uncle Jack) "TO THE NUTS."
  • (Narrator) "Each year, Oscar attempts the four hundred mile walk from Newport Beach to Berkeley, California. In the twelve years that he's attempted this, he's never made it farther than UC Irvine."
  • (Unnamed) "I blue myself."
  • (Michael Bluth) "There has got to be a better way to say that."
  • (Lindsay) "I've always been passionate about the separation of church and state."
  • (Michael) "Oh, really? What are you going to do with them?"
  • (Lindsay) "I don't know. Give 'em to a school."
  • (Narrator) "Tobias had recently auditioned for a role as a member of the silent performance trio, the Blue Man Group."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "And this is "Kids", from "Bye, Bye, Birdie"."
  • (Narrator) "He had yet to hear back from them."
  • (George Sr.) "They cannot charge a husband and wife for the same crime."
  • (Michael) "That's not true."
  • (George Sr.) "Really?"
  • (Michael) "Yep."
  • (George Sr.) "I got the worst"
  • (George Sr.) "-ing attorneys."
  • (Gob) "Hey, guy. They tell me you're the actor who plays Marta's brother, Tio."
  • (Unnamed) "Como?"
  • (Gob) "Oh, you're gonna be in a coma, all right."
  • (Michael) "You know, GOB, you might want to start acting like the President. You're beginning to alienate some of the employees."
  • (Gob) "Yeah, like the CEO has to worry about alienating the employees."
  • (Narrator) "In fact, GOB had started to alienate some of the employees."
  • (Gob) "The worst that could happen is that I could spill coffee all over this $3,000 suit. Come on."
  • (Gob) "Yeah, the guy wearing the $4,000 suit is holding the elevator for the guy who doesn't make that in four months. Come on."
  • (Gob) "Yeah, like I'm going to take a whiz through this $5,000 suit. Come on."
  • (Gob) "Steve Holt's not my son."
  • (George Michael Bluth) "Steve Holt? What, the moron jock?"
  • (Gob) "That's my son, you pothead."
  • (Michael) "The only thing I found in the refrigerator was a dead dove in a bag."
  • (Gob) "You didnt eat that dove, did you? I only have 6 days to return it."
  • (Michael) "Are you serious?"
  • (Wayne Jarvis) "Almost always. I was once voted the worst audience participant Cirque Du Soleil ever had."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Excuse me, do these effectively hide my thunder?"
  • (Gob) "I've made a huge mistake."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "Oh, are we still talking about the tapes? I was talking about my marriage. As you know, Bob Loblaw and I have had a secret little thing going."
  • (Michael) "Real secret. In fact, he doesn't even know about it."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "Last night, he finally responded to one of my subtle hints."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "Why wont you fuck me?"
  • (Bob Loblaw) "I'll be honest. You're a nice girl but you dress like a common whore. And besides, I just can't go out with a client."
  • (Tony Wonder) "How many times have I told you to move that fucking sofa? And clean the dumwaiter while you're at it."
  • (Mae 'Maebe' Funke) "I'm going to start acting like a kid now."
  • (Unnamed) "Are you going to actually buy something this time, or are you just curious?"
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Well, let's just say that I'm buy-curious."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "Let's just go, I've suddenly lost my appetite."
  • (Lucille Bluth) "Oh, who's gonna believe that?"
  • (Gob) "Hey, Buster hit her. I just gave her the roofie."
  • (Michael Bluth) "We're not here to talk nonsense to Bob Loblaw."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over; an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist."
  • (Maebe) "All Pop-Pop ever wanted was to see you with another man besides Daddy."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "You're right. I'll just throw on a skirt, take off my underwear and make your Pop-Pop proud."
  • (Lucille) "I bought it using the new unfrozen stock as soon as I received the memo."
  • (Michael Bluth) "You mean, the memo that specifically told you not to sell?"
  • (Lucille) "Did it say that? I stopped after "unfrozen.""
  • (George Michael) "Bluth-Company-George-Michael-speaking-not-Kitty."
  • (Buster) "Why should I have to sit and cheer Annyong? Annyong never cheers me."
  • (Annyong) "Go Fatty."
  • (Lucille) "Stop it. He's your little brother."
  • (Buster) "No he isn't. I came out of you, he didn't."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "I'm tired of trying to find happiness through lies and self-medicating. If you need me, I'll be at the bar."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "I just found out that my cellular telephone was a lemon. It didn't work."
  • (Michael Bluth) "Look, you can't risk leaving the attic any more."
  • (George Sr.) "When have you seen me outside?"
  • (Michael Bluth) "Yesterday at the Ford Dealer."
  • (George Sr.) "Yeah, well, have you seen those new Mustangs? I'm telling you; you could hump the hood."
  • (Michael) "My mom is very stressed out, and she needs something I can't give her, um -- maybe a little "afternoon delight"."
  • (Narrator) "Oscar thought that Michael was referring to a particular brand of cannabis named Afternoon Deelite, a strain famous for slowing behavior."
  • (Oscar) "Well sure, my question is, which way do I try to get it in her?"
  • (Michael) "I don't need any details."
  • (Oscar) "Maybe I'll put it in her brownie"
  • (Michael) "Hey."
  • (George Sr.) "Look, I just need something to read. Pop-pop gets a Grisham?"
  • (Narrator) "For the first time, Lucille prays --"
  • (Lucille) "Take something else from us. Do whatever you have to to keep my boy from going to war."
  • (Narrator) "And Buster is on his way when he decides to pursue a long-delayed rite of passage --"
  • (Unnamed) "Loose seal. Watch out for loose seal."
  • (Buster) "I don't care about Lucille. She lies."
  • (Narrator) "-- and then a seal bites off his hand."
  • (Lucille) "Amen."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "You know, maybe if you stopped judging her, he'd trust you. Look, if you say no, you're just going to drive him right to her."
  • (George Michael Bluth) "Hey, Dad, can you drive me to Ann's?"
  • (Michael) "Nnnn -- Y-Y-Y-Y-Yes."
  • (George Michael Bluth) "Great. I'll wait in the car."
  • (Michael) "I don't think that worked."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "Hey, I could've sworn I just saw Dad -- Or not. I think hallucinations are a side effect of Teamocil."
  • (Narrator) "They aren't."
  • (Maebe) "That was a freebie."
  • (Buster) "It-it's for my girlfriend. She's sick."
  • (Gob) "Why don't you just wait it out? She's gonna be gone soon."
  • (Buster) "Oh, that's it."
  • (Buster) "Why are YOU hitting yourself? Why are YOU hitting yourself? Why are YOU hitting yourself?"
  • (Unnamed) "You set us up."
  • (Gob) "No. These are the strippers. Look how hot they are."
  • (Dave Attell) "Wow, the service sent you over quick."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "Oh I'm sorry."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "You dont cry when you take those off?"
  • (Michael) "This is going to be our best summer ever."
  • (Michael) "You mailed that insurance check, right, GOB?"
  • (Michael Bluth) "You know what you do? You go buy yourself a tape recorder and record yourself for a whole day. You might be surprised at some of your phrasing."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Butterscotch. Wanna lick?"
  • (Narrator) "George Sr. had always done the ribbon-cutting ceremony, even for the Orange County Prison, which he built, and later, ironically, would occupy."
  • (Narrator) "Gob, getting the feeling he could not return a completely frozen dead dove to a pet store and get the full refund the felt he was entitled to, decided to join him."
  • (Michael) "If this information was so damaging, why didn't you just shred it?"
  • (George Sr.) "Well, Saddam owed us money."
  • (Michael) "And you didn't realize that he wouldn't pay?"
  • (George Sr.) "Your mom had a good feeling about him."
  • (Unnamed) "Plate or platter?"
  • (Lucille) "I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it."
  • (Lucille) "They're just heels, honey. They can only support so much weight."
  • (Maebe) "So, you killed Kitty, huh?"
  • (Michael) "No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer's questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide."
  • (Michael) "And apparently, a fun one. Why don't we go see what's going on in the back, shall we?"
  • (Maebe) "Were those the last words Kitty ever heard?"
  • (Lucille Austero) "Today at lunch, you were ashamed to be with me."
  • (Gob) "No. I was ashamed to be seen with you. I like being with you."
  • (Narrator) "Tobias was a never nude, which is exactly what it sounds like."
  • (Oscar) "The car."
  • (George Sr.) "Up yours Granny."
  • (Lucille) "You couldn't handle it."
  • (Michael) "Yes, this is Michael Bluth for Barry."
  • (Barry Zuckerkorn) "I'm not here."
  • (Unnamed) "Barry's not in right now. Would you like to leave her a message?"
  • (Michael) "Yeah, tell her she needs to whisper a little softer next time, AND I'm not paying for this phone call."
  • (Barry Zuckerkorn) "I am not a girl, you --"
  • (Unnamed) "Go ahead, call me something. I'm redecorating my kitchen."
  • (Lucille) "Michael Moore confronted me on national television."
  • (Michael) "First of all, that was not Michael Moore. That was a Michael Moore look-alike. And second it wasn't national television. It was for a bit, on Jimmy Kimmel Live."
  • (Lucille) "I don't know what that is nor do I care to find out."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "Oh. Because you're too afraid to ask Sally Sitwell to go with you."
  • (Michael Bluth) "That's not true. That's not true at all."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "Chaw-chee-chaw-chee."
  • (Michael Bluth) "What is that? Is that a chicken?"
  • (George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth) "What's this?"
  • (Lindsay Funke) "Michael is scared to ask out Sally."
  • (Michael Bluth) "No, I'm not."
  • (George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth) "This is priceless."
  • (George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth) "Caw-ca-caw-ca-ca-caw."
  • (Michael Bluth) "Oh, come on. Those aren't even birds."
  • (Buster) "Oh, look at all this produce --"
  • (Lucille Austero) "I'm juicing now. Would you like to join me?"
  • (Buster) "It's two o'clock in the afternoon --"
  • (Lucille Austero) "It's 8 a.m. somewhere."
  • (Narrator) "On the next Arrested Development, Barry receives a sign from God."
  • (Barry Zuckerkorn) "I will obey your will, I will lead a good life."
  • (Barry Zuckerkorn) "Well, to hell with this then."
  • (Lucille) "What's a Forget-Me-Now?"
  • (Gob) "They're pills that create a sort of temporary forgettingness. So if somebody finds out how you do a trick, you just give 'em one of these, and they forget the whole thing. It's a mainstay of the magician's toolkit, like how clowns always have a rag soaked in ether."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Gob, this is Flunitrazepam. It's a roofie."
  • (Lucille) "Those are illegal."
  • (Gob) "Shut up, Mom. Don't make me give you another one of these."
  • (Buster) "Hey, brother."
  • (Carl Weathers) "I'm going to go get a drink refill. You know you can get unlimited refills on any drink you want -- and it's free?"
  • (Tobias Fünke) "It's a wonderful restaurant."
  • (Narrator) "It sure is."
  • (Michael) "G. O. B., you've found a woman who believes in you. You should make a commitment to her because life is short. Listen to me. I would give anything to be able to have that again, you know? A family. Nothing else matters."
  • (Lucille) "Michael?"
  • (Michael) "It's Mom. Hide."
  • (Gob) "You brought up money earlier. I actually would like to borrow some."
  • (Michael) "No."
  • (Lucille) "Michael?"
  • (Gob) "He's in here, Mom."
  • (Michael) "Come on."
  • (Dave Attell) "Whoa, this guy's straight?"
  • (Dave Attell) "Then, what am I wearing these for?"
  • (Narrator) "Tobias went to a tryout for the Blue Man Group hoping to be seen."
  • (Narrator) "Unfortunately, it was dusk, and he wasn't seen."
  • (Gob) "I'm filling Dad's shoes, now, Michael. Literally. Well, the shoes didn't fit but at least I got into Dad's pants."
  • (Gob) "And I also had to have the crotch taken up a little."
  • (Gob) "Believe me, we didn't do any sleeping. I had sex last night."
  • (Narrator) "But he really didn't"
  • (Gob) "Yes, I did."
  • (Barry Zuckerkorn) "Those are the pictures?"
  • (Wayne Jarvis) "They're all over the news."
  • (Barry Zuckerkorn) "Those are balls."
  • (Wayne Jarvis) "What?"
  • (Narrator) "Barry was right. Tobias had inadvertently photographed himself in the bathtub while trying to figure out his new cell phone."
  • (Barry Zuckerkorn) "It would help if you all showed up, looking like a loving, supportive family."
  • (Lucille) "For how long?"
  • (Barry Zuckerkorn) "Ten minutes tops."
  • (Lucille) "See if you can get it down to five."
  • (Gob) "And now she's stomping on my heart."
  • (Michael Bluth) "What's her first name? Quickly."
  • (Gob) "Crindee."
  • (Michael Bluth) "Name's not Crindee, Gob."
  • (Gob) "Ah, Saul Zetzmann. Nope. That's her lawyer. Well, she's GOT a name. And I'm gonna find out what it is. And I'm gonna make a pun on it. And that's what I'll call her. Bad example: if her name's Amy, I'll call her "Blame-y.""
  • (Michael Bluth) "That's a strong defense."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "Barry, did you talk to a doctor?"
  • (Barry Zuckerkorn) "I did. I have poison oak. Do you believe it? How the hell did I get that?"
  • (Lucille Bluth) "She was talking about George."
  • (Barry Zuckerkorn) "Oh, he's the same. Look, I guess we should decide on who's going to speak for the family. I would, but I have Laker tickets."
  • (Steve Holt) "Beatrice."
  • (Unnamed) "Oh, my God. My arm."
  • (Michael) "Oh, my God, this guy's arm."
  • (George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth) "Monopoly. You don't have it, do you?"
  • (George Michael) "Yeah, actually."
  • (George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth) "Well, that's good, cuz this one is missing a lot of pieces."
  • (George Michael) "Uh, Uncle GOB, the twenty?"
  • (George Oscar 'Gob' Bluth) "A magician never reveals his secrets."
  • (George Michael) "I don't need the secret, I need --"
  • (George Michael) "Wow, that's so much like stealing."
  • (Michael Bluth) "Did that oven vent hit you? Your foot is bleeding."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "Oh, my God. My foot is bleeding."
  • (Narrator) "Teamocil may cause numbness of the extremities."
  • (Michael Bluth) "Don't forget. We're going to need you for the softball team tomorrow."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "Of course. Why do you think I'm taking Teamocil?"
  • (Michael Bluth) "To curb your sex drive."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "Oh, yeah. What team are you talking about?"
  • (Narrator) "It may also cause short-term memory loss."
  • (Gob) "My gut is telling me no -- but my gut is also very hungry."
  • (Mae 'Maebe' Funke) "Do you remember that French film we snuck into? Dangerous Cousins?"
  • (George Michael Bluth) "No, actually, I dont remember it."
  • (Narrator) "In fact, George Michael knew the movie very well. He currently had a copy of the DVD hidden in his sock drawer."
  • (Michael Bluth) "I've got a nice hard cot with his name on it."
  • (Lucille) "You would do that to your brother?"
  • (Michael Bluth) "I said "cot"."
  • (Lucille) "And yet you're too busy to polish the candlesticks? You're fired."
  • (Buster) "You can't fire me, I'm your son. I'm firing you."
  • (Lucille) "I was firing Lupe."
  • (Buster) "O-oh, that makes more sense."
  • (Lucille) "The media has him out to be some sort of mastermind, which believe me he's not. The man can barely work our shredder."
  • (Annyong) "Okay, Mom want someone to come with her to my soccer game. She don't want other soccer moms think she single. She old school."
  • (Michael) "I liked it better when he just said Annyong."
  • (White Power Bill) "White Power."
  • (Gob) "But I'm white."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Uh-oh. I should not have picked at that. That's blood."
  • (Buster) "It's like she gets off on being witholding."
  • (Michael) "Whoa. Buster."
  • (Gob) "Look who's got something to say."
  • (Buster) "I'm Mom and I want to shoot down everything you say so I feel good about myself."
  • (Gob) "Look who's ragging on the old lady."
  • (Buster) "Cause I'm an uptight"
  • (Buster) "Buster"
  • (Buster) "-- you old horny slut."
  • (Michael) "Well, no one's going to top that."
  • (Gob) "I'm an ideas man Michael. I think I proved that with "Fuck Mountain"."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "So fill each one of these bags with some glitter, my photo resume, some candy, and a note."
  • (Mae 'Maebe' Funke) ""I know where you live, ha, ha." Casting directors hate this."
  • (Narrator) "They really do."
  • (Unnamed) "The glitteratti has struck again."
  • (Unnamed) "Never hire Tobias Funke."
  • (Mae 'Maebe' Funke) "Didnt you get a job or something?"
  • (Tobias Fünke) "No, no I didnt. Unless -- you consider "World's Coolest Daddy" a job."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "If this were a Lifetime Moment of Truth movie, this would be our act break."
  • (Narrator) "But it wasn't."
  • (Buster) "No mother, I can blow myself. You've interfered for the last time."
  • (Lucille) "You idiots. If your father sees me here with Wayne --"
  • (Michael) "-- we'll be stuck with Barry."
  • (Wayne Jarvis) "I shall hide behind that garbage car."
  • (Michael) "Guy's a pro."
  • (Lucille) "THERE WERE 250 CCs OF YOUR FATHER'S SEMEN IN THE COOLER IN THE BANANA STAND."
  • (Michael) "No touching."
  • (Michael) "Clear as the Ann on plain's face."
  • (George Sr.) "You got my 14-year-old grandson do this?"
  • (Gob) "Under 18 walks out clean."
  • (George Sr.) "Listen, um -- there's a very strict "no touching policy" here. But, um -- oh, what the hell, it's worth a week in the hot box."
  • (Unnamed) "No touching."
  • (George Sr.) "You stupid ass."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "I think George Michael needs a mother."
  • (Michael) "Well, he's got you, he's got mom, you think that would turn him off the concept entirely."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Michael, you are not quite the ladies man I had pictured. Hopefully, we will remedy that when we are in the spa spreading body chocolate on each other."
  • (Lindsay) "Michael, if this is a lecture on how we're all supposed to whatever and blah-blah-blah, well, you can save it, because we all know it by heart."
  • (Lucille) "I heard about the banana stand and now there's been a break-in. But I have a surprise for whoever it is if he comes back."
  • (Lucille) "First I blow him, then I poke him."
  • (Michael) "Guy has no idea what he's in for."
  • (Unnamed) "Where the fuck are my hard-boiled eggs?"
  • (Narrator) "Michael was concerned that he was caught in a lie about his family. The family was concerned that they were being confronted by a woman they had clubbed, drugged, and left on a bench."
  • (Michael) "That cousin of yours is a smart girl -- Its too bad you can't date her."
  • (George Michael Bluth) "No, I was talk -- You mean, you wouldn't have a problem with that?"
  • (George Michael Bluth) "-- Nothing."
  • (Lucille Bluth) "I'll be in the hospital bar."
  • (Michael Bluth) "Uhh, you know, there isn't a hospital bar, mother."
  • (Lucille Bluth) "Well, this is why people hate hospitals."
  • (Michael) "I really think the reason you and I always fight is that, since we were little, Dad's always played us off each other."
  • (Gob) "Dad always said that was your fault."
  • (Gob) "I lost Earl Milford."
  • (Michael) "What?"
  • (Gob) "I didn't know it was him. Although he was exceptionally quiet in there. You can always tell a Milford man."
  • (Gob) "Tell you what we're gonna do: "Rock Paper Scissors" for it."
  • (Michael) "No, no I'm not --"
  • (Gob) "One, two, three. Paper covers rock."
  • (Michael) "It is a rock, though. Should beat everything."
  • (Gob) "There's not a lot of logic to it. It's kind of like on a boat with "Women and children first." I mean, why should they --"
  • (George Sr.) "Chanukah can be spelled so many ways. Oh God."
  • (Lucille) "You're high."
  • (Oscar) "You're drunk."
  • (Michael Bluth) "Do you know what they do to people who commit treason?"
  • (George Sr.) "First time."
  • (Michael Bluth) "I've never heard of a second."
  • (George Sr.) "I got the worst"
  • (George Sr.) "-ing attorneys."
  • (George Sr.) "Listen -- Let him go. Let your son go."
  • (Michael) "I can't do that, Dad. He needs me."
  • (George Sr.) "Michael, you don't want to make the same mistake your mom made with Buster."
  • (Michael) "Yeah, boy. What happened there?"
  • (George Sr.) "I really don't know. Maybe it was the eleven months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus. But he was her "miracle baby." And I-I was just too burnt out on raising you guys to care. So -- he turned out a little soft, you know, a little doughy."
  • (George Sr.) "I don't know, maybe it was my fault. Maybe, uh, maybe I just ignored the guy."
  • (Buster) "Wow. We're just blowing through nap time, aren't we?"
  • (Michael) "Yeah, I got to let my son go."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Boy, I sure feel like a Mary without a Peter and a Paul."
  • (Dr. Gunty) "Right. If I'm no Schwimmer, you're no Jennifer Aniston."
  • (Steve Holt) "BEATRIX."
  • (Buster) "Oh, my God, she's after our money."
  • (Michael) "No, we don't have any money."
  • (Buster) "Oh, my God, she's already taken our money."
  • (Gob) "The Seaward."
  • (Michael) "You're not getting a boat."
  • (Gob) "One, two, three."
  • (Michael) "You're not gonna do it --"
  • (Michael) "."
  • (Gob) "Paper covers rock."
  • (Michael) "Fine, but rock sinks boat."
  • (Lucille) "Michael."
  • (Michael) "Just a minute mom."
  • (Michael) ". Get rid of the Seaward."
  • (Lucille) "I'll leave when I'm good and ready."
  • (Lucille Bluth) "Supposedly, Luz had to take her daughter to the hospital. That's Lupe, her sister."
  • (Michael Bluth) "I hope she's okay --"
  • (Lucille Bluth) "She's awful. Can barely wash a dish."
  • (Lucille Bluth) "Uh oh. She better not walk through here after she's been in there."
  • (Lucille Bluth) "Tell me you've got an exit strategy."
  • (Michael Bluth) "Mother --"
  • (Lucille Bluth) "Oh, please. They didn't sneak into this country to be your friends."
  • (Michael) "There's more to life than strippers and booze and buckets of blood. Why do you guys have buckets of blood?"
  • (Gob) "It's not real blood. It's corn syrup and red dye -- juice."
  • (Buster) "There's unlimited juice? This party is gonna be off the hook."
  • (Kitty) "The program has changed my life. And I have a sponsor now."
  • (Kitty) "He's famous."
  • (Michael) "That's great."
  • (Kitty) "I can't tell you who he is, but let's just say -- that he was on -- "Night Court.""
  • (Michael) "Well, you look great --"
  • (Kitty) "-- I can tell you who it's NOT. It's not Bull. It's not Harry Anderson."
  • (Michael) "I got it --"
  • (Kitty) "-- and he's white."
  • (Michael) "I know who it is."
  • (Buster) "Well, what do you expect, mother?"
  • (Buster) "I'm half machine. I'm a monster."
  • (Michael) "So, how'd you make the yacht disappear?"
  • (Gob) "Michael, a magician never reveals;"
  • (Gob) "- I sunk it. At least I think I sunk it. I mean, I blew it up and I don't see it anywhere."
  • (George Michael Bluth) "Oh, my God. It's your mom and gangee."
  • (Mae 'Maebe' Funke) "What are they doing here?"
  • (George Michael Bluth) "They're adults. They're allowed to have fun whenever they want. We're kids, we're supposed to work."
  • (Michael) "What'd he say?"
  • (George Michael) "Well, if I clean it up, it really isn't a sentence."
  • (Michael) "Gob, was that your trick?"
  • (Gob) "No, Michael, that's not my trick."
  • (Narrator) "On the next Arrested Development:"
  • (Gob) "It's my illusion."
  • (J. Walter Weatherman) "And that's why you don't yell."
  • (Michael) "They're going to keep Dad in jail until this whole thing gets sorted out."
  • (Michael) "Also, I've been told that the company's expense accounts have been frozen --"
  • (Michael) "-- Interesting. I would have expected that after "They're keeping Dad in jail.""
  • (Lucille) "Oscar says that this walk, "Recharges his chi." I call it, "An excuse for him to score more pot and wave his ass at the co-eds"."
  • (Buster) "Hey, brother-in-law."
  • (George Sr.) "The Brits set me up. I heard nothing about Iraq."
  • (Michael) "Dad, we have a picture of you and Saddam Hussein."
  • (George Sr.) "I thought he was the Soup Nazi. I was just congratulating him on a great job."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "So what are your plans for this evening?"
  • (Bob Loblaw) "I thought that maybe I would stay in and work on my law blog."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Ah, yes. The "Bob Loblaw Law Blog". You, sir, are a mouthful."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Bad news, Michael, I am afraid that I am no longer an understudy for the Blue Man Group. It seems that we have parted ways."
  • (Michael) ""Cease and decist -- ""
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Apparently, they dont like competition."
  • (Michael) "My mother is opposed to the idea of hiring a new attorney. She'll probably refuse to enter the room if she sees you."
  • (Wayne Jarvis) "I shall hide behind the couch."
  • (Michael) "Guy's a pro."
  • (Wayne Jarvis) "I have a picture taken by a traffic camera of you escorting your father."
  • (Barry Zuckerkorn) "Are you sure these aren't balls? Because last time, they were balls."
  • (Barry Zuckerkorn) "I really wish they were balls."
  • (Lucille) "Oh, George, I should have never doubted you. Even when you slept with my sister it was for a good reason."
  • (George Sr.) "Got her to stop drinking, didn't it?"
  • (George Michael Bluth) "I don't want to let down Miss Baerly. She's nice, you know?"
  • (Lindsay Funke) "She's interesting -- and pretty?"
  • (George Michael Bluth) "Well, I don't know why I'm telling you this. I guess there's just some things you can't always say to your dad."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "Ah. sounds like you'd like her to be more than just your teacher."
  • (Narrator) "Lindsay believed that George Michael wanted to fix up his father so he could fill the role of his mother."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "There's nothing wrong with that. Although -- I must say I'm a little hurt that you haven't considered me."
  • (George Michael Bluth) "You're my aunt."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "That doesn't matter. Aunts can fill that role. Teachers can fill that role. And, someday, you're going to find the right woman to fill that role. But until then -- I'll be right across the hall."
  • (Narrator) "Lindsay had never been more proud of anything she had said in her entire life."
  • (George Michael Bluth) "Yikes."
  • (Michael) "Save it for the talk room, son."
  • (Rita) "And they think the stupidest things are funny."
  • (Michael Bluth) "Yeah, that's a cultural problem is what it is. You know, your average American male is in a perpetual state of adolescence, you know, arrested development."
  • (Narrator) "Hey. That's the name of the show."
  • (Gob) "Okay, everybody come out of your offices please. The party has now started."
  • (Gob) "Let's go -- Everybody dance now."
  • (Gob) "Everybody dance NOW."
  • (Michael) "Well, I think we're off to a great start."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "O-kay, who'd like a banger in the mouth?"
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Right, I forgot, here in the States, you call it a sausage in the mouth."
  • (Michael) "We just call it a sausage."
  • (Buster) "Make love in your own hand, Mother."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "I want my family back. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I want to reunite the band."
  • (Michael) "Oh, no."
  • (Narrator) "Oh, no was right. In the mid '90s, Tobias formed a folk music band with Lindsay and Maebe which he called Dr. Funke's 100 Percent Natural Good Time Family Band Solution. The group was underwritten by the Natural Food Life Company, a division of Chem-Grow, an Allen Crayne acqusition, which was part of the Squimm Group. Their motto was simple: We keep you alive."
  • (Narrator) "Tobias listens to a day's worth of his own words, to see what Michael was referring to --"
  • (Tobias Fünke) "-- even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Nothing wrong with that."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Oh, I've been in the film business for a while, but I just can't seem to get one in the can."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "It's out of context."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "I wouldn't mind kissing that man between the cheeks."
  • (Narrator) "-- and he realized there is something distinct about the way he speaks."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Tobias, you blowhard."
  • (Michael) "They're keeping me over night while I wait for my arraignment. I'd appreciate it if you could tell my son that I'm on a business trip."
  • (Lucille) "Why can't the girl at work do it?"
  • (Michael) "Tobias? I sent him on a date with Kitty to keep her off our backs."
  • (Lucille) "Well, you better hope Lindsay doesn't find out. She'll be devastated."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "Find out what?"
  • (Lucille) "Your husband's dating Kitty, the whore."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "He is? That's horrible."
  • (Lucille) "Do I know my daughter?"
  • (Michael) "Where's Tobias?"
  • (Narrator) "Tobias had intended to come to the magic show, but had a slight miscommunication with his cab driver."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "I would like to go to the Gothic Castle."
  • (Cab Driver) "Gothic asshole?"
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Yes."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Boy, I am glad I didn't go with that outfit."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "I am here to see the magic."
  • (Buster) "Hey, adopted-brother."
  • (Narrator) "George Michael did not just get to second base with Maeby, he dove in head first. Like Pete Rose."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Hey, who wants to take me to the hospital?"
  • (Lindsay Funke) "GOB doesnt do anything for the family."
  • (Gob) "Hey, I'm fucking Lucille 2."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "Or I could do something like that."
  • (George Michael Bluth) "I'll be bringing you some salmon rolls real soon."
  • (George Sr.) "How many times I gotta tell this kid chicken wings?"
  • (George Sr.) "Soak the puppet's mouth with ether, and have Franklin give Lucille a kiss to knock her out."
  • (Gob) "I ain't kissin' that ol' bitch."
  • (George Sr.) "That's my wife, you bastard."
  • (Gob) "Dad, that's my wrist."
  • (Gob) "Hey, that's his neck."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Somebody is a rude Gus."
  • (George Sr.) "What is this is they have on me? You keep talking about a fact. You keep saying "I know for a fact." What fact?"
  • (Cindi Lightballoon) "Faith. I have faith my prayers will free you."
  • (George Sr.) "Faith is not a fact."
  • (Cindi Lightballoon) "Oh, yes it is. You said so yourself in Caged Wisdom."
  • (Narrator) "George, Sr. had said faith is a fact. Unfortunately, it was in the Caged Wisdom blooper bonus footage."
  • (George Sr.) "Faith is a fact. No, faith is a facet. I almost said faith is a fact."
  • (George Sr.) "I am going to trial because you don't understand what a blooper reel is?"
  • (Michael) "I think George Michael is hiding Ann in the attic."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "From the Nazis?"
  • (Michael) "Tobias doesn't do anything around here."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Well excuuuuuuuse meeeee."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Excuse me."
  • (Gob) "I did the right thing, Michael. If I didn't fire them, how could I teach a lesson to the others?"
  • (Michael) "There are no others. You fired everyone."
  • (Gob) "Oh, that's great. The guy who's dirty dancing with his niece is telling the guy in the $3,600 suit -- how to -- run the business --"
  • (Gob) "Come on."
  • (Michael) "Maybe we were better off with me being businesslike and you being the good time useless party guy."
  • (Gob) "It got us this far. And I must say I miss the laughter. Oh God, how they used to laugh with me."
  • (Michael) "AT you. We have to figure out a way to hire everybody back. A meeting."
  • (Gob) "A party."
  • (Michael) "No, we just had a party."
  • (Gob) "Yeah but I didn't get to have any fun."
  • (Unnamed) "There are very few intelligent, attractive and straight men in this town."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Well, that leaves me out."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "She did say single, right? I-I-I thought she said single."
  • (Buster) "I'm a monster."
  • (Ann Veal) "You must teach me, George Michael. You must teach me the ways of the secular flesh."
  • (Lindsay) "-- like the stress you put on George Michael, even when he gets an A."
  • (Michael) "Minus, and he knows an A gets him ice cream."
  • (George Michael) "Yeah, Ann loves eggs. Sometimes, she puts mayonnaise in her mouth, then she puts the egg in there and does this"
  • (George Michael) "She calls it a "mayonegg.""
  • (George Michael) "Are you ok?"
  • (Michael) "Yeah, I don't feel so good."
  • (George Sr.) "I think it's a mistake letting George Michael go on this church thing."
  • (Michael) "Her name is Ann, Dad, and he's not "going on" her."
  • (Mae 'Maebe' Funke) "Marry me."
  • (Michael Bluth) "You can call me anything you want --"
  • (Lindsay Funke) "An impotent man-boy?"
  • (Gob) "Then there's me. The joker. The goofball. The magician."
  • (Michael) "I thought you were gonna do a little fireball there."
  • (Gob) "I was. It didn't go off."
  • (Annyong) "Annyong."
  • (Mae 'Maebe' Funke) "It all adds up. He stole somebody's hair, made a wig, knocked out the guard, tunneled his way through a sewer line, and then stopped to get a candied apple on his way to Mexico."
  • (George Michael Bluth) "Of course."
  • (George Michael Bluth) "You're mocking me."
  • (Mae 'Maebe' Funke) "Of course."
  • (Gob) "Michael."
  • (Mae 'Maebe' Funke) "Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold T-shaped pendants?"
  • (Michael) "That's a cross."
  • (Mae 'Maebe' Funke) "Across from where?"
  • (Michael) "Tell me the truth. There's been a lot of lying in this family"
  • (Lucille) "And a lot of love."
  • (Michael) "More lies."
  • (Rita) "But I want to get married and have sexual relations like you promised."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Look, you are playing adults --"
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Pick that up. Pick that up, please."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "-- with fully formed libidos, not two young men playing grab-ass in the shower."
  • (Narrator) "George Michael was getting ready for school when he came across a box of love letters he'd written, but never sent, to his cousin Maeby. One letter, titled "If you weren't my cousin," was particularly incriminating."
  • (George Michael) "Are those strippers?"
  • (Michael) "If I know your uncle, they're at least strippers."
  • (Lucille Bluth) "You'd think a man locked up in prison would able to abstain. Your father with his disgusting tweaking. I couldn't breast feed any of you kids because of that man."
  • (Barry Zuckerkorn) "They still look fabulous."
  • (Gob) "Please refrain from discussing or engaging in any inter-office"
  • (Gob) "and"
  • (Gob) "and finger"
  • (Gob) "and"
  • (Gob) "or even"
  • (Gob) ". Even though so many of us are begging for it. Oh, and if anyone lays a finger on my sister Lindsay, I'll take off my pants, I'll show you my"
  • (Gob) "and I'll personally"
  • (Gob) "."
  • (Lucille) "I don't want to leave Buster alone with all the J-U-I-C-E."
  • (Buster) "I can spell, Mother; you spelled juice."
  • (Lucille) "What a genius. Let's see you find it."
  • (Narrator) "Michael was having brunch with Sally Sitwell at a restaurant called Skip Church's Bistro. In addition to brunch, the restaurant was known for an item on the menu called the "Skip's Scramble", an omelet that contained everything on the menu. Do not order the Skip's Scramble."
  • (Narrator) "Buster had attempted to flee to Mexico, but instead, he wound up in Santa Ana, California, a town six miles inland from his own. The two cities were so close that they shared a newspaper. Unfortunately, due to the car fumes and high temperatures, Buster could not tell the difference."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "I think it's frightening when it's cut off. It's like a Doberman; let it have its ears."
  • (Lucille) "You're HIGH."
  • (Oscar) "You're DRUNK."
  • (Maebe) "Steve Holt."
  • (Michael) "Oh sure, Lindsay. You're a much better parent; no borders, no limits, oh go ahead, touch the Cornballer --"
  • (Lucille Bluth) "Did that Mexican girlfriend of yours kick you out?"
  • (Gob) "She's not " that Mexican," Mom, she's " my Mexican." And she's Colombian or something."
  • (George Sr.) "Wait a minute, I'm not Oscar, I'm George."
  • (Unnamed) "The Cornballer."
  • (George Sr.) "Si, si, the cornballer."
  • (Narrator) "George Sr. had been marketing a device called "The Cornballer" in Mexico after the severe burns it caused led to it being banned in the U.S."
  • (Gob) "I'm a failure. I can't even fake the death of a stripper."
  • (Narrator) "Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together. It's Arrested Development."
  • (Michael) "Okay, is there a carbon monoxide leak in this house?"
  • (Steve Holt) "Your mom seems pretty cool."
  • (Maebe) "That's not my mom."
  • (Steve Holt) "-- but she said you were her daughter."
  • (Maebe) "His daughter. It's my dad."
  • (Steve Holt) "That's a dude?"
  • (Maebe) "And the worst part is? He thinks he's passing."
  • (Gob) "If I didn't have a live dove in my pants right now, I'd leap across the table and --"
  • (Gob) "Ah, what the hell --"
  • (Michael) "I think that's just as good of a time as any to end the meeting."
  • (George Bluth, Sr.) "Michael, this is my brother. Do you know what it's like to have a sibling who has no source of income except for you?"
  • (Michael Bluth) "Just one? No. No idea. It sounds wonderful, though."
  • (Kitty) "It's the last time you'll see these."
  • (George Michael Bluth) "Steve Holt? I thought you liked him."
  • (Maebe) "I do, I'm crazy about him. He only talks to her because he thinks she has a penis. Oh, I told him that she was a tranny."
  • (J. Walter Weatherman) "And that's why you always leave a note."
  • (Buster) "We're excavating a pterodactyl."
  • (Buster) "That was 90% gravity."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "I'm saying every time something starts to go well for you, you blow it."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Nothing has ever gone well for me, and you know that."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "That's my point, you --"
  • (Lindsay Funke) "-- handsome cowboy, you."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Oh, great. And now you're mocking me. You selfish coun-"
  • (Tobias Fünke) "-- try music loving lady. Hello, Maeby."
  • (Buster) "Oh my god -- Oh my god -- I killed Michael --"
  • (Gob) "But on the plus side, you got punched in the face."
  • (Narrator) "So the speech was disturbing, the food was inedible, and the gift bags pretty frightening. And when GOB found out that he wasnt going to get any tips, the service got worse. Oh and that old racist woman choked on Buster's thumb. All in all it was one of the Bluth's better parties."
  • (Narrator) "And back at the penthouse, Lucille was praying for the second time in her life."
  • (Lucille) "Lord, let Buster forget everything. And if you need to take another hand to make that happen, please make it G.O.B.'s."
  • (Oscar) "Your mother called me for a reason. I don't think she's happy."
  • (Buster) "No, my mother's happy. She's just mean all the time."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "I need to go take down the buffet and set up the leather pony."
  • (Michael Bluth) "What's the leather pony?"
  • (Tobias Fünke) "I don't know, we don't have that at lunch."
  • (George Michael) "Hello, Bluth Company."
  • (George Michael) "Talk you off? Talk you off what, Pop-Pop?"
  • (George Sr.) "Oh, George Michael. I thought you were; when's that voice gonna drop?"
  • (Wife of Gob) "G. O. B., I want out. I'm in love with your brother --"
  • (Gob) "What?"
  • (Gob) "You did it again, you son of a bitch."
  • (Wife of Gob) "-- In-law. Tobias. Sorry. I should have finished that thought."
  • (Lucille) "Take it back. If I wanted something your thumb touched I'd eat the inside of your ear."
  • (George Sr.) "Sorry, some of my students are arguing the significance of the shankbone on the seder plate. But we do not; not wag our genitals at one another to make a point."
  • (Michael) "Hi, there."
  • (Gob) "What's she doing here?"
  • (Maebe) "Merry Christmas to you too, Uncle Gob."
  • (Michael) "Is everything okay?"
  • (Gob) "I just don't want people's kids getting their sticky little fingers all over these $2,600 pants."
  • (Michael) "You think they're going to go right for the pants?"
  • (Lucille) "Start the bidding at $10,000. If the bidding increases, shout out something like "I get her 364 days a year for free."."
  • (Michael) "I'm not going to say that."
  • (Michael) "Gob, I'm going to need you to sneak Mom out of rehab."
  • (Gob) "Gee, I didn't think the woman I'd be checking out at Spring Break would be Mom."
  • (Buster) "She's better than the whores you date."
  • (Gob) "Don't call my escorts whores."
  • (Buster) "Mom's still got it."
  • (Gob) "I don't date whores."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "Stop it, both of you. This objectification of women has got to stop."
  • (Michael) "It's just Mom and whores."
  • (Buster) "You lied to me -- you said my FATHER was my father, but my UNCLE is my father. MY FATHER IS MY UNCLE."
  • (Narrator) "In an effort to "hip" up his act, Gob had briefly introduced a puppet."
  • (Gob) "Can I tell you something, my man?"
  • (Gob) "Sure, Franklin."
  • (Gob) "You are one cool"
  • (Gob) ". Speaking of mothers, let me give that oatmeal some brown sugar."
  • (George Sr.) "Get off my wife, you bastard."
  • (Gob) "What's the matter with you?"
  • (Gob) "Franklin said some things Whitey wasn't ready to hear."
  • (Michael) "Gob, weren't you also mercilessly beaten outside of a club in Torrance for that act?"
  • (Gob) "He also said some things that African-American-y wasn't ready to hear either."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "If this scene I recreate, perhaps I can resnare my mate --"
  • (Narrator) "Why wouldn't she take him back?"
  • (Buster) "Hey, I just came to tell you that I can't do that wall."
  • (Drill Instructor) "There's no time for that. We're shipping out without you. Haven't you heard?"
  • (Buster) "Weapons of Mass Destruction?"
  • (Gob) "Those bastards."
  • (Drill Instructor) "I did not say that."
  • (Gob) "Are you going to allow that, Buster? Are you going to allow your children, and your children's children, and any children that I might have out there to live in fear for the rest of their lives?"
  • (Gob) "Climb that wall, homo."
  • (Drill Instructor) "Go get 'em."
  • (Narrator) "Buster got the encouragement he needed, and just when it seemed there wouldn't be any surprises --"
  • (Narrator) "-- it did."
  • (Gob) "Now, when you do this without getting punched, you'll have more fun."
  • (Michael) "Where did you get that outfit?"
  • (Lindsay Funke) "Mom gave it to me. I guess she wanted me to have something new. Sweet old thing."
  • (Michael) "Only two of those words describe mom, so I know you're lying to me."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "Okay fine. I bought it before we went broke. I just haven't worn it until now."
  • (Michael) "Uh huh. And the outfit yesterday?"
  • (Lindsay Funke) "Old Thing gave it to me."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "You'll never be able to pull this off, Michael. You're the good guy. This isnt you."
  • (Michael) "It's me now, Lindsay. It's the me that can recline."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "Did that hurt?"
  • (Michael) "No."
  • (Lindsey) "Nana's fine, she's been dead for six months."
  • (Steve Holt) "STEVE HOLT."
  • (Maebe) "STEVE HOLT."
  • (George Michael Bluth) "I'm a stand-in for --"
  • (Steve Holt) "STEVE HOLT."
  • (George Michael Bluth) "I came to talk to you about the softball game. We need some girls on the team this year."
  • (Michael Bluth) "It's a league requirement."
  • (Narrator) "One that was difficult to keep, given GOB's behavior in the third inning of last year's game."
  • (Narrator) "And in the fifth."
  • (Narrator) "Oh, and before the game."
  • (Michael Bluth) "We lost our entire outfield and a couple of court cases."
  • (Michael) "I wonder how I can talk you out of ever making that face again."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "Dr. Funke's 100% Natural Good Time Family Band solution was a nightmare."
  • (Michael) "Tobias said it was some of the most fun your family has ever had."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "Yeah, well, I was whacked on Xanotab."
  • (Michael) "Well I thought Xanotab was supposed to make everything better."
  • (Lindsay Funke) "For fifteen minutes. Then it burns when you pee and your marriage goes to hell. It's not a good supplement. Besides, Maebe wont do it."
  • (Mae 'Maebe' Funke) "Let's do it. I want to reunite the band. That was some of the best times we've ever had."
  • (George Sr.) "Don't get involved. Believe me. When I thought your first wife was pulling us apart, I did not make a stink."
  • (Michael) "You complained all the time and she was my only wife and she died."
  • (George Sr.) "Well, see? Things have a way of working themselves out."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "I'm looking for something that says "Dad likes leather"."
  • (Unnamed) "You mean -- Leather Daddy?"
  • (Buster) "I have an idea. It is time I used something I trained for in Army, but I never got a chance to do."
  • (Michael) "Buster, you can't zip-line over there."
  • (Buster) "Either I zip down, or he zips up, and that is a mighty long zipper on Mother's Cher jumpsuit. You have to get on your knees to start it."
  • (Michael) "This is much less scary. Godspeed, Buster."
  • (Mae 'Maebe' Funke) "You and I are so different. It's like we're not even related."
  • (George Michael Bluth) "That would be amazing."
  • (Gob) "Well, I'm not the president, so I dont deserve a fancy phone."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "Well, the Blue Man Group may need me, and I do deserve a fancy phone."
  • (Narrator) "They didn't."
  • (Narrator) "And he doesn't."
  • (Tobias Fünke) "I can picture the look on Lindsay's face right now. "Where's Tobias?". Oh, he's just on a weekend getaway with Michael Bluth and they're dipping each other in -- hey, you didn't get any body chocolate."
  • (Michael) "What do you think of when you hear the name, "Sudden Valley"?"
  • (George Michael Bluth) "Salad dressing. But for some reason, I don't want to eat it."
  • (Michael) "What about, "Paradise Gardens"?"
  • (George Michael Bluth) "Yeah -- I can see marinating a chicken from that."
  • (Lucille) "I've got to get back to rehab."
  • (Unnamed) "SHE'S IN REHAB."
  • (Steve Holt) "I've made a huge mistake."
  • (Gob) "I know the feeling. I had you. I'm your father, Steve Holt. I can't hide from it any more."
  • (Steve Holt) "I won't forget this -- Dad."
  • (Gob) "I will. I will."
  • (Michael) "To Buster and Lucille --"
  • (Buster) "Don't forget my girlfriend."
  • (Michael) "That's who I meant."

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