The Private Eyes (1980 film) Quotes

The Private Eyes (1980 film) is a TV program that was first aired in 1970 . The Private Eyes ended its run in 1970.

It features Wanda Dell as producer, Peter Matz in charge of musical score, and Jacques Haitkin as head of cinematography.

The Private Eyes (1980 film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Private Eyes (1980 film) is 91 minutes long. The Private Eyes (1980 film) is distributed by New World Pictures.

The cast includes: Tim Conway as Dr. Tart, Bernard Fox as Justin, Don Knotts as Inspector Winship, John Fujioka as Mr. Uwatsum, and Irwin Keyes as Jock.

The Private Eyes (1980 film) Quotes

Tim Conway as Dr. Tart

• (Tim Conway) "Ask him where he gets his hair done."

• (Tim Conway) "If Jock could talk, he'd give you a clue. But now that he's dead, what can you do? He deserved what he got, I don't regret it a bit. By the way, you're standing in bull ca-ca."

• (Tim Conway) "Hilda is dead, and here's something to note. You can't bury her at sea, 'cause her bosoms will float."

• (Tim Conway) "In this house, it's hard to survive. Some'll be dead, who are now alive. Mr. Uwatsum is gone, 'cause he knew too much. Bye for now, but rest assured we'll keep in constant contact with each other."

• (Tim Conway) "To dig your own grave, is quite a sight. But to bury yourself, is not very bright. There are more to kill, and the job'll be done. Now there are five, soon there'll be a lot less."

• (Tim Conway) "You want another glass of pus?"
• (Don Knotts) "No I don't want another glass of pus."

• (Tim Conway) "Now you will see, I can do something right. I'm going to show you, a killer tonight. I want Phyllis to come to my chamber, and see. Who what the one, who murdered Lady Morley and myself."

• (Tim Conway) "I said when I died, that I'd come back. If you believe in ghosts, you're on the right track. I'm out of the grave, and roaming the moores. If you want to be safe, you better lock all the windows and screens."

John Fujioka as Mr. Uwatsum

• (John Fujioka) "How about a nice bowl of fish eyes?"
• (Don Knotts) "Will you pardon me, please?"
• (John Fujioka) "Ah -- Do you like hummingbird cookies?"
• (Tim Conway) "-- No, thank you."

• (John Fujioka) "Ah -- So."
• (Don Knotts) "What'd you call me?"

Irwin Keyes as Jock

• (Irwin Keyes) "My name is Jock. I'm the groom. I was under Lord Morley's command in India. He had my tongue cut out --"
• (Don Knotts) "Just a second. What did you say?"
• (Tim Conway) "He said,"
• (Tim Conway) "He said that his name is Jock. He was under Lord Morley's command --"
• (Don Knotts) "Will you shut up?"
• (Tim Conway) "That's what he said."

Don Knotts as Inspector Winship

• (Don Knotts) "For a short person, you have long sentences."

• (Don Knotts) "You know, I have an idea. Whoever wrote that letter must have read about us in the newspaper."
• (Tim Conway) "What is it?"
• (Don Knotts) "What's what?"
• (Tim Conway) "The idea you have?"
• (Don Knotts) "I just told you."
• (Tim Conway) "What was it?"
• (Don Knotts) "Whoever wrote that letter must have read about us in the newspaper."
• (Tim Conway) "Right. Now that letter was signed 'Lord Morley'. So he must have read about us in the newspaper and called us in to solve his murder."
• (Don Knotts) "How could Lord Morley write us after he was already dead?"
• (Tim Conway) "Right. You know what? Maybe whoever killed Lord Morley wrote that letter."
• (Don Knotts) "If you killed Lord Morley would you write to someone and ask them to find the killer?"
• (Tim Conway) "Are you saying I killed Lord Morley?"
• (Don Knotts) "(aggravated) No. I'm saying you kill me."

Bernard Fox as Justin

• (Bernard Fox) "This is Inspector Winship and Dr. Tart. They were in the yard."
• (Don Knotts) "That's FROM the Yard."

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