The Goodbye Girl Quotes

The Goodbye Girl is a TV program that first aired in 1970 . The Goodbye Girl stopped airing in 1970.

It features Ray Stark as producer, Dave Grusin in charge of musical score, and David M. Walsh as head of cinematography.

The Goodbye Girl is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Goodbye Girl is 110 minutes long. The Goodbye Girl is distributed by Warner Bros..

The cast includes: Richard Dreyfuss as Elliot Garfield, Marsha Mason as Paula McFadden, Quinn Cummings as Lucy McFadden, Richard Dreyfuss as Elliott Garfield, Paul Benedict as Mark, and Nicol Williamson as Oliver Fry.

The Goodbye Girl Quotes

Richard Dreyfuss as Elliot Garfield

• (Richard Dreyfuss) "What is it about you that makes a man with a hundred forty-seven I.Q. feel like a dribbling idiot?"

• (Richard Dreyfuss) "I happen to have a lease in my pocket. Are you gonna honor it or what?"
• (Marsha Mason) "I have a daughter in my bedroom. That tops the lease in your pocket."

• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Alright, here is the situation."
• (Marsha Mason) "I know the situation."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Just let me say this out loud alright? I mean, I don't really believe this myself. Number one, I'm starting work in the morning and I have no place to sleep tonight. Number two, you don't have any money and you've got my apartment. Also you have your daughter to think about."
• (Marsha Mason) "I am thinking of her right now."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Do me the courtesy of hearing me out. Please? You are not the only one who can scream rape, you know?"
• (Marsha Mason) "Ha."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "We are both in a bind. The two of us. And I think the only practical solution is that we share the apartment."
• (Marsha Mason) "I accept."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "What?"
• (Marsha Mason) "I accept. I may be subborn but I am not stupid."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "You mean it?"
• (Marsha Mason) "I have a daughter to goes to school and I have to start looking for work in the morning. You have a key. I would have to stand guard all day long to keep you out. I accept, you win, get your bags. You get the small bedroom."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "What the hell am I getting myself into, huh?"

• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Jesus, I am so scared. I've spent twenty years building up my ego, and when I really need it, it locks itself in the john."
• (Marsha Mason) "It'll come back to you, trust me."

• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Oh, god**** 'em to hell. I hate those guys that walked out of here. I hate them. I'm the only one that's coming back, and I'm getting all the blame."

• (Richard Dreyfuss) "That's O.K., Now I'm free to take that other job."
• (Quinn Cummings) "What other job?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "I'm looking, I'm looking."

• (Richard Dreyfuss) "The 'Times' writes: Elliot Garfield researched Richard the Third, and discovered him -- to be England's first badly dressed interior decorator."

• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Lady Anne. Lady Anne. The black prince is dead. England is yours. You don't want England? How about Spain? Spain I can get you cheap."
• (Quinn Cummings) "What are you doing in that thing?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Come on, let's get going, will ya? This horse has got a meter on it."
• (Quinn Cummings) "Where to?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "We're going home. To Tara. Come on. Cynthia Fine, right? I think you've got charisma, too."
• (Cynthia Fine) "Lucy, did you tell him? I never said anything like that. I'm going to get you for that Lucy you big creep."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "You want to go to my opening tonight? I owe you a good time after the last one."
• (Quinn Cummings) "I have homework."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "What are you sore about? Me and your Mom?"
• (Quinn Cummings) "It's none of my business why should I be sore?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Yeah, well, since you and I are exchanging bedrooms tonight I kinda think it is. But I'm a little old fashioned. I'd like to have your approval."
• (Quinn Cummings) "Me? I'm only ten years old. I'm not even old enough to vote yet."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "I like your style, kid, I really do. Oh, I'm sorry, I hear you don't like to be called kid."
• (Quinn Cummings) "I'm a kid it fits."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Do you like me?"
• (Quinn Cummings) "Ask Cynthia Fine she's crazy about you."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Lucy, do you like me?"
• (Quinn Cummings) "You're wasting your money because I'm really not enjoying this ride."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Lucy, I'm going to keep asking you until you answer me. Do you like me?"
• (Quinn Cummings) "Do you mind if I get off? I think I'm getting nauseous."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Answer my question, god**** it. Lucy it makes no difference to me one way or the other because I'm moving in with your old lady but I want to hear it from your own lips. Now answer me, yes or no do you like me?"
• (Quinn Cummings) "No --. Yes."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "A really, really, really lot?"
• (Quinn Cummings) "Yes, yes, alright?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Okay. But as much as you like me it's not 1/1000th as much as I'm crazy about you. You can cry all over yourself I don't care. I am certifiably nuts about you. You and your ditsy mom. So blow that into your handkerchief."

• (Richard Dreyfuss) "You knocked?"
• (Marsha Mason) "May I speak to you in private for a moment?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Well, it's a bad time how about at breakfast?"
• (Marsha Mason) "Is that a girl in there?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "I certainly hope so."
• (Marsha Mason) "Not in my house. I will not put up with this sort of thing."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "What sort of thing? You have a girl in your bedroom and I don't object. Uh, Rhonda, this is Paula McFadden. Mac lives just down the bedroom apiece. Mac, this is Rhonda Fontana a gifted and rising young actress. Don't rise."
• (Rhonda Fontana) "Hi."
• (Marsha Mason) "Hello. Can we talk? This is serious."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Take a break."
• (Marsha Mason) "Out."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Out?"
• (Marsha Mason) "Her, out. They have motels for that sort of activity. I have an impressionable 10 year old daughter in there and this is not one of the impressions I want her picking up. So you get that "rising young actress" the hell out of there."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Out of where? Out of my rented apartment that you are staying in out of the goodness of my heart? I will bring home anyone or anthing that I choose, including a one-eyed Episcopalian kangaroo if that happens to be my kinky inclination. As for what is going on in there we're rehearsing Act 1, Scene 4 from Richard the Third. I happen to have a cretin from Mars directing this play and I need all the help I can get. However, if I choose to attempt to have carnal knowledge of that gorgeous bod that'll be her option, my problem and none of your business. And just for the record what do you think little Lucy's impression of what was going on in Mama's bedroom with Tony "Love 'em & leave 'em" DeForrest, huh? Hey Mac. Why don't you turn out some of these lights? We're running up a heck of a bill."

• (Richard Dreyfuss) "My careereth is over. I am making a horseth asseth of myselfeth. Mark, I'm begging you. I'm BEGGING you. You want this kind of performance? Let me play Lady Anne."

• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Haven't we met? In our apartment?"
• (Marsha Mason) "Please, I enjoy shopping. Don't ruin this for me too."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Relax. We don't have to fight until we get home. We need soap, Darling."
• (Marsha Mason) "Not in my bathroom we don't."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "This is silly. If you get what you need and I get what I need we're going to blow a lot of bread getting the same things. Including bread. Why don't we have one shopping list and split the bill?"
• (Marsha Mason) "On what items?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Food. Bathroom and kitchen cleansers. Everything. Except male and female do-dads. In that area you go your way and I'll go mine."
• (Marsha Mason) "We split everything?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Everything. I'll pay my full one third share."
• (Marsha Mason) "One third?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "I am not the one with the daughter."
• (Marsha Mason) "What's the matter? Didn't Lady Anne wash her hands the other night?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Quick. Quick. I like a quick girl. Okay, right down the middle."
• (Marsha Mason) "Okay."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Hold it. Hold it. I'll take that."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "This is a good idea sharing expenses like this. By the way, I need shoes next week. A little Chianti? Can't have spaghetti marinaro without a little vino."
• (Marsha Mason) "Not on my budget."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Hey, hey, no. I'll blow for the booze, eh? Short of stature but not tight of pocket."
• (Liquor Store Salesman) "Can I help you?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Yes. A bottle of your finest, cheap Chianti, please."
• (Liquor Store Salesman) "I've got a nice California red for a dollar eighty."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Dollar eighty. Nothing from Kansas?"
• (Liquor Store Salesman) "Comedian. Seriously. This is a good wine."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Okay. It goes good with spaghetti, right?"
• (Liquor Store Salesman) "Perfect with spaghetti."

• (Richard Dreyfuss) "I just met Lucy."
• (Marsha Mason) "What did you tell her?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "That I was moving into the other room. She seemed to take it in stride."
• (Marsha Mason) "You grow up fast in this apartment. The john is right over there. I'll get the rest of her things out in the morning."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Would you like to stop grinding your teeth for two seconds? The noise is driving me crazy."
• (Marsha Mason) "A dripping stranger from Chicago with a wet beard and dirty shoes moves into my daughter's room and you expect smiles?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "I think you're dynamite, you know that? I love listening to you talk. I hate living with you but your conversation is first class."
• (Marsha Mason) "This is your room. I do not clean or make beds. You may use the kitchen or the bathroom when I am not in it and wash it up when you are through. You pay for your own food, laundry, linens and phone bills. I would appreciate some quiet between six and nine as that is when Lucy does her homework and I don't care what you drink or smoke. As long as it is not grass in front of my 10 year old daughter. Now, we have everything straight?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "No."
• (Marsha Mason) "No?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "No. I'm not crazy about the arrangements."
• (Marsha Mason) "You're not."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Definitely not. I am paying the rent, I will make-a-da rules. I like to take showers every morning and I don't like the panties drying on the rod. I like to cook so I will use the kitchen whenever I damn well please and I am very particular about my condiments so, keep your salt and pepper to yourself. I also play the guitar in the middle of the night whenever I cannot sleep and I meditate every morning complete with chanting and burning incense so if you've got to walk around I'd appreciate a little tip-toeing. Also, I sleep in the nude. Au buffo. Winter and summer, rain or snow with the windows open and because I may have to go to the potty or to the fridge in the middle of the night and because I don't want to put on jammies which I do not own in the first place -- unless you're looking for a quick thrill or your daughter an advanced education I would keep my door closed. Thems my rules and regulations, how does that grab you?"
• (Marsha Mason) "And if I say no?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "I've got this lawyer acquaintance downtown."
• (Marsha Mason) "Errr, I accept."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "We're movin' right along."
• (Marsha Mason) "I don't like it and I don't think I like you."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Because I'm an actor?"
• (Marsha Mason) "Coupled with your personality."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Well, that's probably why we were thrown together. One of God's little jests. Now if you will move your shapely little fanny out of my room I will unpack and dry my beard. Miss McFadden, you forgt to say goodnight."
• (Marsha Mason) "I was working on good-bye."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Unbelievable."

• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Despite the fact that you're one large pain in the arse last night was the best thing that ever happened to me, girl wise, and if you weren't behaving like such a horses rectum you would know that we could be inside touching and fondling all day long until I've got to go to rehearsal. Personally madam, I think you blew it."

• (Richard Dreyfuss) "You know what's a nice feeling? To hear real people applauding. I took the names and addresses of everyone in the audience. I think we should have them over for dinner real soon."

• (Richard Dreyfuss) "I am a dedicated actor, Paula, you know? I am dedicated to my art and my craft, I value what I do. And because of a mentally arthritic director, I am about to play the second greatest role in the history of the English-speaking theater like a fresh double-order of California fruit salad."

• (Richard Dreyfuss) "You know I love listening to you talk. I hate living with you but your conversation is first rate."

• (Richard Dreyfuss) "You know I liked you from the first time I met you when you answered the door. I said to myself, "This is the best half-a-face I ever saw.""

• (Richard Dreyfuss) "I just called the 37th precinct. There is no Charles D'Agastino in Homicide. Then I called Rita Scott, an old actress friend of mine who was in "The Merchant of Venice" this year with the ever-popular Tony DeForest. Rita told me all about this girl Tony's living with. A certain Paula McFadden, a former dancer and her ten-year-old daughter Lucy. She also told me that the apartment is leased in the name of Tony DeForest. She knows this for a fact because she used to live with Tony, the smoothie, prior to Paula and Lucy. Now can we continue this conversation in a drier room, Ms. McFadden?"
• (Marsha Mason) "You got problems? Take it up with the housing authority."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Don't hang up. Please, don't hang up. I don't have any more change, I'm soaked to the bone, Miss McFadden and I have a very low threshold for disease. Look, I don't know what Tony told you, but he's got my money, I got a lease, and you got the apartment. Now, one of us got screwed. Uh, let me rephrase that. We need to talk this out, and I am in no condition, financial or health-wise, to look for a hotel in the pouring rain. I mean, if there's any such thing as the 78th-street flu, I think I've got it."
• (Marsha Mason) "Why don't you take a shot in a convenient place?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Five minutes. That's all I'm asking. What is it? Now look, in about 30 seconds, we're going to get cut off, Miss McFadden. My number is 873-5261, it's a flooded booth on Amsterdam Avenue. If you have any compassion in your heart whatsoever -- I'm trying to work it out, operator. Any compassion in your heart whatsoever, you'll call me back. 873-5261. That number again is 873-52 -- oh, s***."

• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Enter, sweet Anne."
• (Rhonda Fontana) "Do you live alone?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Yeah. Unfortunately the other people that live here also live alone."

• (Richard Dreyfuss) ""It never occurred to us that William Shakespeare wrote the 'Wizard of Oz'. However, Elliot Garfield makes a splendid Wicked Witch of the North." Tacky. Tacky. Well, if they're gonna kill me, let 'em kill me with panache."

Quinn Cummings as Lucy McFadden

• (Quinn Cummings) "How long is he going to stay?"
• (Marsha Mason) "As long as he lets us."

• (Quinn Cummings) "Looks like the guy at the beauty parlor."

• (Quinn Cummings) "You know what Cynthia Fine said?"
• (Marsha Mason) "Who is Cynthia Fine?"
• (Quinn Cummings) "The girl in my class with the braces and the big chest. Anyway, Elliot picked me up from school today, and Cynthia says he's got charisma. I looked it up, and he does."
• (Marsha Mason) "All right, cut it out."
• (Quinn Cummings) "Cut what out?"
• (Marsha Mason) "Stop trying to make something between us."
• (Quinn Cummings) "Me? Cynthia Fine s --"
• (Marsha Mason) "Cynthia Fine, my behind. Stop pushing me."
• (Quinn Cummings) "Who's pushing?"
• (Marsha Mason) "You are. Your fingerprints are all over my back. He's OK, all right? Once in a while, he even acts like a regular human being. But stop pushing me, because that man is not my type."
• (Marsha Mason) "I heard that. What did you say?"
• (Quinn Cummings) "If you heard, why are you asking?"
• (Marsha Mason) "What did you say?"
• (Quinn Cummings) "I said, "your type never hangs around long enough to stay your type"."
• (Marsha Mason) "That is a rotten thing to say."
• (Quinn Cummings) "I know. I just felt like saying it."
• (Marsha Mason) "Jesus. Sometimes I can be so god**** furious with you."
• (Quinn Cummings) "That was a stinking thing to do."

• (Quinn Cummings) "You're terrific with words. You always pick the right ones."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Words are the canvas of an actor. His lips are his brushes, and his tongue; the colors of the spectrum. And when he speaks, he paints portraits."
• (Quinn Cummings) "Classy. He's very classy."

• (Quinn Cummings) "What's that?"
• (Marsha Mason) "Sounds like God."
• (Quinn Cummings) "I smell strawberries burning."
• (Marsha Mason) "That's incense."
• (Quinn Cummings) "What's incense?"
• (Marsha Mason) "It is what I'm feeling right now."

• (Quinn Cummings) "Congratulations"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "For What?"
• (Quinn Cummings) "I didn't know what else to say."

Marsha Mason as Paula McFadden

• (Marsha Mason) "Possession is nine-tenths of the law."
• (Quinn Cummings) "What's the last tenth?"
• (Marsha Mason) "Shut up."
• (Quinn Cummings) "Is that the last tenth?"

• (Marsha Mason) "What happened to your eye?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "I used it to stop a fist from going through my face."

• (Marsha Mason) "I thought you didn't put un-natural things in your body?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "I didn't -- I put it into Richard's -- I'm trying to kill the son of a bitch."

• (Marsha Mason) "Five minutes. Leave your bags this isn't a permanent conversation."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "I'm dripping on your rug."
• (Marsha Mason) "It's been dripped on before."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Look, I'm sorry about this. I didn't know there were going to be any complications."
• (Marsha Mason) "There's a lot of that going around lately."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "I don't blame you for being hostile. I think I get the picture. Tony rented me the apartment and split with the money, right? Then you and your daughter got dumped on."
• (Marsha Mason) "That is your version. My version is that Tony and I amicably end our relationship. We agreed that I would keep the apartment and you and your six hundred dollars got dumped on. Get the picture?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Very sharp. That's sharp. That's very sharp. You're a sharp New York girl, right?"
• (Marsha Mason) "No a dull Cincinnati kid but you get dumped on enough and you start to develop an edge."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Okay, so what's the deal, huh? I mean, I got a lease here in my pocket. You gonna honor it, or what?"
• (Marsha Mason) "I've got a daughter in my bed that tops a lease in your pocket."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Look, I don't want to get legal. Legal happens to be on my side, you know? Now I happen to have a lawyer aquaintance downtown, all I have to do is call this lawyer aquaintance of mine and --"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "What? What?"
• (Marsha Mason) "An actor. Another god**** actor. "I happen to have a lawyer aquaitance?" Right out of A Streetcar Named Desire. Stanley Kowalski in summer stock, right?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Wrong. Chicago in the dead of winter. Three and a half months at the Drury Lane Theater."
• (Marsha Mason) "Ask an actor a question and he gives you his credits."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "You want to hear the reviews? Elliot Garfield brings to Kowalski dimentions that even Brando had not investigated?"
• (Marsha Mason) "Terrific. You write beautifuly. Aren't you a little short to play Stanley?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Nobody know that I stood on the poker table. What are you, a critic?"
• (Marsha Mason) "No, I love actors. As long as they stay up on the stage where they belong. But you put them down in real life and the whole world gets screwed up. Well, I have had enough. I am not getting thrown out of the same lousy apartment twice. You want your money back? Go to Naples. You want this apartment? Buy me two tickets to California. Either way I will give you two minutes to think it over before I start yelling rape."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Jesus. You are really something you know that? Really. I'm surprised Tony didn't take a job in the Phillipines."
• (Marsha Mason) "I hope you are thinking because I am counting."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Will you just wait just a second. Just -- hold -- hold it. Can we make a deal?"
• (Marsha Mason) "I don't know. I just got here. Ha, ha. I can I a cup of coffee?"
• (Marsha Mason) "No."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Oh, don't be bashful just say what's on your mind."

• (Marsha Mason) "I thought you said you were decent."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "I am decent. I also happen to be naked."

• (Ronnie Burns) "I thought you gave all of this up."
• (Marsha Mason) "I did. I just picked the wrong one to give it up for."

• (Marsha Mason) "Is that it? Is that the last chorus?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "I am in a blissful state so don't bug me."
• (Marsha Mason) "Is this going to be a regular routine? I mean, guitars at night. Humming in the morning. I've been in musicals that didn't have this much music."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Miss McFadden, this morning I start rehearsals for my very first New York play. Probably the most important day of my life. Am I nervous? No, I am not nervous. Because I have meditated I am relaxed, I am calm, I am confident. You, on the other hand, have not meditated. Therefore you are a pain in the ass."
• (Marsha Mason) "This happens to be a very important day for me, too. I am auditioning for a new musical this morning. I slept 17 minutes last night thanks to you and with the bags I have under my eyes unless this musical is about little old ladies I don't stand a chance in hell. Are you listening to me?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Uh-huh."
• (Marsha Mason) "What is that slop you are putting into my dishes?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Granola, wheat germ, soya, lecithin, natural honey. My body is a temple, Miss McFadden, and I am worshiping it. It's what gives me my energy, my vitality and my natural disposition. I'm 63 years old Miss McFadden and look at me. May I fix you a bowl?"
• (Marsha Mason) "This is not going to work. I mean, I don't know you well enough to truly dislike you but you are just too weird to live with. Why don't you find yourself another apartment and I will pay you the $600.00 as soon as I get a job."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "You are forgetting that this is my apartment. You are living here on an Elliot Garfield grant. You really ought to try some of this, you know? It's got whole bran in it. My feeling is that your whole problem stems irregularity."

• (Marsha Mason) "You have homework to do."
• (Quinn Cummings) "We're moving in four days. Do I have to do homework?"
• (Marsha Mason) "Suppose between now and Friday they teach brain surgery. I wouldn't want you to miss it."
• (Quinn Cummings) "Mother. We had it last week. Science."
• (Marsha Mason) "Are you serious?"
• (Quinn Cummings) "Dumb. You know you're dumb."
• (Marsha Mason) "Well, I thought maybe in frog dissection. What do I know?"

• (Marsha Mason) "Be tactful."
• (Quinn Cummings) "What's that?"
• (Marsha Mason) "Lie."

• (Marsha Mason) "I'm redecorating. What color should we paint the bedroom?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Successful."

• (Marsha Mason) "Are we going to sleep with each other tonight?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "You know, of all the right up front girls I know, you are the right up frontest. How do you feel about it?"
• (Marsha Mason) "Nervous. A pushover, but nervous."

• (Marsha Mason) "Would you be interested in my bedroom?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "You talking to me?"
• (Marsha Mason) "You can have the big bedroom for 50 dollars more a month, payable in cash right now. We'll move into yours in the morning."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Oh, you mean a rent increase for getting what I should have gotten and what I didn't get in the first place? No, thank you."
• (Marsha Mason) "Well then, would you be interested in lending me 50 dollars. I'll pay you either 7 and a half percent interest or do your laundry. Take your pick."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "They really cleaned you out, huh?"
• (Marsha Mason) "Everyone from here to Italy."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "I've got, uh, twenty -- twenty-eight dollars and change. I'll split it with you. And starting opening night I get 240 a week so I'll make a deal. I'll pay all the living expenses until you get yourself a job. And, I'll even do my own laundry."
• (Marsha Mason) "I see. And what do you get?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Oh, all you have to do is be nice to me."
• (Marsha Mason) "You go to hell."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Will you listen very, very carefully to me just for one -- uh, this may be the last time I ever speak to you. Not everyone in this world is after your magnificent body, lady. In the first place it's not so magnificent. It, it's fair, alright? But it's not keeping me up nights thinking about it, you know? I don't even think you're very pretty. Maybe if you smiled once in a while okay but I don't want you to do anything against your religion. And you are not the only person in this city ever to get dumped on. I, myself, am a recent dumpee. I am a dedicated actor, Paula, you know? I am dedicated to my art and my craft, I value what I do. And because of a mentally arthritic director I am about to play the second greatest role in the history of the English speaking theater like a double order of fresh California fruit salad. When I say nice I mean nice, you know? Decent and fair. I deserve it. Because I'm a nice decent and fair person, I don't want to jump on your bones. I don't even want to see you in the morning. But I will tell you one thing I do like about you Paula. Lucy. Lucy's your best part. Lucy is worth putting up with you for. So here is 14 dollars for the care and feeding of that terrific kid. You get zippidy-do-da. You want any money? Borrow it from your 10 year old daughter. I'm am now going inside my room to meditate away my hostility toward you. Personally, I don't think it can be done."

• (Marsha Mason) "Good night."
• (Quinn Cummings) "What, no kiss?"
• (Marsha Mason) "I'm angry. I don't want to lose it."

Paul Benedict as Mark

• (Paul Benedict) "Now, what about Richard? Historically we know that Richard was born with severe curvature of the spine. Thus giving the impression that he was hunch backed. There was some paralysis of the right foot and the left hand, Olivier chose to play the left foot and the right hand, God knows why. As well as nerve damage to the right cheek and the eyelids. I mean, the man was your basic gimp let's face it. All of which bring us, thanks to the wise and rich Mrs. Estelle Morganwise, to this production. Is that the way we want to play Richard? If you do then this director would just as soon do a six week stint on the Sonny and Cher Show. Richard the third was a flaming homosexual. So was Shakespere for that matter. But that angry mob at the Globe Theater wasn't about to plunk down two shillings to see a bunch of pansies jumping about on the stage. It was society that crippled Richard not childbirth. I mean, read your texts. He sent those two cute little boys up to the tower and nobody ever saw them again. I mean, we all know why, don't we? What I want to do here is to strip Richard bare, metaphorically. Let's get rid of the hump. Let's get rid of the twisted extremeties and show him for what he would be today. The queen who wanted to be king."
• (Paul Benedict) "Yes?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Question. Are you serious?"
• (Paul Benedict) "Now, what's the objection Elliot?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Well, number 1 I have to play it. Number 2 I like the hump and the club foot and number 3 I've been working on the part for 3 months."
• (Paul Benedict) "And I respect that. I mean, that's why were here, isn't it? To exchange ideas. So, how do you see Richard, Mr. Macho?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "No, I don't think the guy's a linebacker for the Chicago Bears. But let's not throw away one of his prime motivations."
• (Paul Benedict) "Oh, and what's that?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "He wants to hump Lady Anne."
• (Paul Benedict) "Oh, yes. I've heard that before. Well, look, I'm not going to try and pressure you but let's just try it my way. Let's read through the first act. Trust me, please."
• (Unnamed) "Act one scene one --"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Uh, excuse me. Sorry. Just how far off the diving board do you want me to jump?"
• (Paul Benedict) "Well, don't give me Bette Midler, but let's not be afraid to be bold."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Bold."
• (Paul Benedict) "Bold."
• (Unnamed) "Act one, scene one, enter Richard Duke of Glochester."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Now is the winter of our discontent -- Sorry, one minute. Now is the winter --"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Now ith the winter of our dithcontent -- may I have a 5 minute break please?"
• (Paul Benedict) "Five minutes."

Nicol Williamson as Oliver Fry

• (Nicol Williamson) "Hello. Oliver Fry."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Oliver Fry the director?"
• (Nicol Williamson) "Yes, I believe so."
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "It's nice to meet you. Oliver Fry, what'd you know. Would you like to come in? Here, uh -- Yeah, come on in. Hi."
• (Gretchen) "Pleased to meet you."
• (Nicol Williamson) "Well --"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "Hi, it's very nice to --"
• (Nicol Williamson) "We won't keep you. There was just one question that I wanted to ask. Would you be interested in a movie?"
• (Richard Dreyfuss) "You mean making one?"
• (Nicol Williamson) "Or we could go to one, but I think working is much more fun."

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change and want to let us know, please fill in the form below. Include the time in the film/video if possible so we can find it.