Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo Quotes

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo is a television show that debuted in 1970 . Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo ended in 1970.

It features Barry Bernandi, and Sid Ganis as producer, Teddy Castellucci in charge of musical score, and Peter Lyons Collister as head of cinematography.

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo is 88 minutes long. Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo is distributed by Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures.

The cast includes: Eddie Griffin as T.J. Hicks, Rob Schneider as Deuce Bigalow, Arija Bareikis as Kate, William Forsythe as Detective Fowler, Big Boy as Fluisa, Amy Poehler as Ruth, Gail O'Grady as Claire, Oded Fehr as Antoine Laconte, Richard Riehle as Bob Bigalow, Andrew Shaifer as Neil, and Allen Covert as Vic.

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo Quotes

Oded Fehr as Antoine Laconte

• (Oded Fehr) "This is a 14th century Hungarian crossbow. It has killed a king and changed the history of Europe. You mess up anything in my apartment, I'll shove it up your ass."

• (Oded Fehr) "I'm a gigolo."
• (Rob Schneider) "Giga-who?"
• (Oded Fehr) "Women pay me to -- give them pleasure."
• (Rob Schneider) "How did you get that job?"
• (Oded Fehr) "I just sort of fell into it."
• (Rob Schneider) "I'm gonna kill my guidance counselor."

• (Oded Fehr) "Hey fishy fishy fishy. Heyyy fishy fishy fishy fishy."

• (Oded Fehr) "Hey Deuce, it's Antoine. I just realized I don't know you that well. To be honest, it's freaking me out a little. You just make sure you keep my apartment clean or you will die. Bye bye."

• (Oded Fehr) "Excuse me for a second, huh? Must make pee-pee."

William Forsythe as Detective Fowler

• (William Forsythe) "You know anything about this?"
• (William Forsythe) "Look. See that red spot over there? That wasn't there this morning. I checked. You know what it is?"
• (Rob Schneider) "Maybe it's a rash. Something you got from jogging. How the hell do I know? Get it away from me."

• (William Forsythe) "You better show some respect, or I'm gonna rip that little pleasure-giving tongue right out of your head. One more thing"
• (William Forsythe) "I was at the precinct and I really had to use the John. And it's pretty filthy in there and I was in kind of a hurry, and I didn't have time to use one of those, you know, paper ass gaskets. I was doing my business, and something sort of splashed up on me, all over. What do you do in situations like that? You think I'll be alright?"
• (Rob Schneider) "I think you're pretty safe."
• (William Forsythe) "I'd better be."

• (William Forsythe) "Listen up, man-whore. I oughta bust you right now."
• (Rob Schneider) "We just had sushi."
• (William Forsythe) ""Sushi?" Is that what they call it nowadays? I'm hip to your man-whore slang. All right, fine. Why don't I just go have a chat with your spicy tuna roll?"

• (William Forsythe) "I'm telling you if you painted it silver and twisted the end, it'd look like a kickstand."

• (William Forsythe) "Do the letters T and J mean anything to you?"
• (Rob Schneider) "I don't know. Turkey Jizz?"

Rob Schneider as Deuce Bigalow

• (Rob Schneider) "I couldn't help overhearing your Spanish."
• (Gail O'Grady) "It's French."
• (Rob Schneider) "Oui, French -- Nice people."

• (Rob Schneider) "Whoa. Chinese Tailbar Lionfish. He's a beaut. That's an $800 fish."
• (Oded Fehr) "Try a grand."
• (Rob Schneider) "Then you overpaid."

• (Rob Schneider) "Martini, two olives."
• (Rob Schneider) "Any ladies need some entertainment tonight?"
• (Bartender) "Eight fifty."
• (Rob Schneider) "Eight dollars?"
• (Bartender) "And fifty cents."
• (Rob Schneider) "How much just for a plain cranberry juice?"
• (Bartender) "Oh, three dollars."
• (Rob Schneider) "Well I'll go for that."
• (Bartender) "There you go. That's uh, eleven fifty."
• (Rob Schneider) "Uh, no, no. Perhaps you misunderstood me. I wish to cancel my original order of the martini and two olives and go for just the plain cranberry juice, by itself, for the three dollars. And I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you."
• (Bartender) "Uh, perhaps you don't understand. If you don't pay me now, I'm gonna take this swizzle stick, and uh, I'll be shoving that right up your pee hole."

• (Rob Schneider) "Look, I think there's been a mistake."
• (Big Boy) "Did you say steak?"
• (Rob Schneider) "No mistake."
• (Big Boy) "Oh see now you got me all excited."

• (Rob Schneider) "Maybe we should take care of a little business first."
• (Gail O'Grady) "If you prefer."
• (Rob Schneider) "I don't have a set price or anything, but I have been getting ten dollars."
• (Gail O'Grady) "I'm sorry?"
• (Rob Schneider) "Well that's my going rate. But I'm willing to negotiate."
• (Gail O'Grady) "That's funny. But the price is five hundred."
• (Rob Schneider) "You're gonna pay me five hundred dollars?"
• (Gail O'Grady) "No, honey, you pay me."
• (Rob Schneider) "Oh, I get it. This is some kind of role reversal. I'll play along with this."
• (Rob Schneider) "Okay, 300, 400, 500, you're my hooker. No, seriously, where's my ten dollars?"

• (Rob Schneider) "Ok, I'll just take some sea snails and be on my way."
• (Rob Schneider) "Have a good nipple."

• (Rob Schneider) "I'm fifteen hundred short. Isn't there anything else you can do?"
• (Andrew Shaifer) "Listen, I came all over the place -- down from six grand. This is a custom hand job."

• (Rob Schneider) "Wow. What are those?"
• (Oded Fehr) "Medieval weapons. I'm a collector. They're worth twice as much if they've killed somebody."
• (Rob Schneider) "I collect Canadian quarters. I've got about six of 'em."

• (Rob Schneider) "Is this Ruth?"
• (Amy Poehler) "Yeah, I'll be right down. GOD DAMN IT."

• (Rob Schneider) "I should have told you right from the start. But I was afraid."
• (Arija Bareikis) "Afraid of what?"
• (Rob Schneider) "Afraid that a girl as wonderful as you could never fall for a guy who cleans fish tanks, 'cause that's who I really am. This whole gigolo thing was just a mistake. But I'm glad it happened 'cause I never would have met you. I never would have known what love was. I'm sorry. I'm not perfect."
• (Arija Bareikis) "I'm not perfect either."
• (Rob Schneider) "Yes you are. You're perfect in every way. I knew it the moment I met you."
• (Rob Schneider) ""Kate, you have a smile that could melt an iceberg. Your lips are as sweet as honey. You may only have one leg, but it's the most beautiful leg in the world.""

Big Boy as Fluisa

• (Big Boy) "I know what you're thinkin'. You're thinkin' those are the biggest boobies you've ever seen."

• (Big Boy) "He made me realize that I wasn't just some hot babe with huge tits, even though I am."

Eddie Griffin as T.J. Hicks

• (Eddie Griffin) "The "man-gina": it's a professional term we man-whores use to describe our he-p*****."

• (Eddie Griffin) "See this ring? Topaz, my mother's birthstone. Know where I got the money for it?"
• (Rob Schneider) "Where?"
• (Eddie Griffin) "Man-whoring. See this keychain? Mini yo-yo. Know where I got the money for it?"
• (Rob Schneider) "Man-whoring?"
• (Eddie Griffin) "Stock market. But I got the money for the stock market from man-whoring."

• (Eddie Griffin) "Claire said Antoine's apartment was messed up, but I had no idea."
• (Rob Schneider) "Claire?"
• (Eddie Griffin) "The hooker you ass-punched."

• (Eddie Griffin) "What about Antoine's apartment?"
• (Rob Schneider) "I'm gonna get the rest of the money the old-fashioned way."
• (Eddie Griffin) "You gonna steal it?"

• (Eddie Griffin) "You know, Antoine's got a really bad temper. One time, I dropped a cigar ash on his carpet, and he made me pick it up with my anus."

• (Eddie Griffin) "Deuce, you the best he-bitch in my man stable. If I had two more manginas like you, I'd be a millionaire."

• (Eddie Griffin) "God damn white boy."

• (Eddie Griffin) "Don't make me he-bitch man-slap you."

• (Eddie Griffin) "This next date is what we man-pimps call a doozy."
• (Rob Schneider) "What's wrong with this one?"
• (Eddie Griffin) "Nothin'."
• (Rob Schneider) "Have you seen her? What is she 80? A hunchback?"
• (Eddie Griffin) "She just got outta college. Some of her girlfriends pitched in to get her a little beefcake. She thinks it's a blind date."
• (Rob Schneider) "It's a guy isn't it?"
• (Eddie Griffin) "I don't think so, but I have been fooled before."

Amy Poehler as Ruth

• (Amy Poehler) "Fart. Dildo. Big, Big, Big Titties."
• (Amy Poehler) "s***. s*** WHORES."

• (Amy Poehler) "BALL-HAIR."
• (Rob Schneider) "Yeah, ball-hair, what we need is a strike here."

Gail O'Grady as Claire

• (Gail O'Grady) "What happened to the carpet?"
• (Rob Schneider) "Oh, it's one of those 18th century wet rugs."

Richard Riehle as Bob Bigalow

• (Richard Riehle) "Raspberry Bibingka. Ah, you shouldn't have. My wife, God rest her soul, used to make this all the time. You would've liked her. Bangkok Betty. She had the most amazing mouth. It paid for our honeymoon."

Allen Covert as Vic

• (Allen Covert) "Bob, we have an overflowing toilet in the ladies' bathroom. There is s*** everywhere. It's a real mess. You think you could get in there and take care of that for me?"
• (Richard Riehle) "No worries, Vic. Right on it. I'd like you to meet my son's girlfriend, Kate."
• (Allen Covert) "Kate, nice to meet you. Hi Deuce. So could you get in there, Bob? I mean, I got a party of ten coming in, and I am up to my ankles in human crap. It's a real stinkfest back there."

Arija Bareikis as Kate

• (Arija Bareikis) "I don't see how it could possibly be pleasurable for a woman. I just don't think it's natural. You're not supposed to go up there. To tell you the truth, I don't know how men do it either."
• (Rob Schneider) "You're not curious, just to try something new?"
• (Arija Bareikis) "I'm just not into it."
• (Rob Schneider) "So space exploration is definitely out for you?"
• (Arija Bareikis) "Definitely. I mean, more power to any woman who wants to be an astronaut. I just wouldn't do it. Frankly, I'd rather take it up the butt."

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