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Funny Quotations from Curb Your Enthusiasm

Curb Your Enthusiasm is a hilarious comedy on HBO which uses many explicit words. So if those types of things offend you, you might want to leave this page now. Starring is Larry David as himself, a satirist, grumpy, angry, and ignorant writer and television series creator.

Below you'll find some humorous quotes from the series "Curb Your Enthusiasm".

Man in Airport #1: I don't have your ticket.
Larry: Yeah, right, yeah.
Man in Airport #1: I have my *own* ticket.
Larry: Yeah, oh, of course you do.
Man in Airport #1: It's a bereavement fare. My mother's dead.
Larry: Yeah, right, okay, yeah. I'd like to take a look at it, okay? Yeah. It's your ticket... right?
Man in Airport #1: You wanna see my ticket?
Larry: Yeah, I do! Yeah.
Man in Airport #1: Okay, you wanna see?
Larry: Yeah, I do, yeah.
Man in Airport #1: Okay, you wanna see? Let's take a look, alright? Shall we?
Larry: Let's take a look! Yeah! Yeah!
Man in Airport #1: What's the name written right here? Is it your name? No, it's mine: Chris Darga. See, if this were *yours*, it would say: Fucking Douchebag. Asshole.
Larry: Sorry... about your mother.

Jeff Greene's Mother: Why did you have to put those clothes of Jeff's, just throw them in...
Larry David: Why? Why? Why?
Jeff Greene's Mother: Just throw them in, in the trunk, on top of a dirty old tire? Why?
Larry David: Obviously there's something wrong with me.
Jeff Greene's Mother: Yes, well, that's the question...
Larry David: What is wrong with me?
Jeff Greene's Mother: Why would anybody do that? A person doesn't do that.
Larry David: I don't have a closet in my house. I'm just used to throwing things around like that.
Jeff Greene's Mother: And throwing them on the floor?
Larry David: I throw them on the floor. That's how all my clothes are at home. I don't even have a bed, I sleep on a big pile of clothes.
Jeff Greene's Mother: Well, it's just disgusting.
Larry David: I'm a disgusting man.

Larry: [to Richard Lewis] Who are people going to believe... an ex-alcoholic or a guy who's been lucid 24/7 his whole life? I didn't steal your message you asshole.

Susie Greene: [after Larry gets them kicked out of their country club, Cheryl suggests a new one] Oh no. I'm sorry Cheryl but there's like two Jews in that whole club. It's WASP, WASP, Republican city. This one will stick out like a sore thumb with that Jew face.

Larry David: The ass is part of my snuggle.

Larry David: I'm going to hate myself more than normally.

Michael Richards: So Duberstein, that's a Jewish name right?
Leon Black: Yes it is! I was adopted by some lovely Jews.
Michael Richards: And you were Bar Mitzvahed?
Leon Black: Oh yeah, three times! The last time was a few months ago in Atlantic City.
Michael Richards: But I thought you only got Bar Mitzvahed once, you know, when you're 13 years old.
Leon Black: No, No, No-No, You misunderstood, it's once every thirteen years. You gotta recharge the Mitzva! So the Mitzvas are kinda full. Capacity! At full mitzva capacity!
Michael Richards: So, tell me about the groats?
Leon Black: Well... Everything I ate tasted like peaches. And I forgot how to multiply. I could subtract, but I couldn't multiply. If I'm fcking 6 women 3 times a day 7 days a week how many times per week am I f-ing? Was it 10? Was it 130? Was it 16? I was tripping out.
Michael Richards: whew, that's some weird stuff.
Leon Black: You tellin' me. Danny Duberstein is good at two things - -that's math and f-ing.

Jeff Greene: Who are you?
Larry David: I'm Larry David.
Jeff Greene: And what do you enjoy?
Larry David: I enjoy comfort found in wearing women's panties.

Susie Greene: Fuck you Larry, this is bullshit motherfucker. You are such a bald asshole I can't believe it.
Loretta Black: [coming downstairs] Who the FUCK do you think you're talking to? Nobody talks to my man like that. You better get your ass out of my house. You fucking bitch!
Larry: [waving] goodbye!

Cheryl: I'm impressed that you even realized what a nice gesture this is.
Larry: Well you know, I'm apologizing to people all the time, telling people I'm sorry. I know when I've done something wrong I'm not afraid to apologize. Most people I have to say, my mother always used to tell me this, 'Most people are not like you Larry. Most people are not like you. You're special.' You know, everybody's not like me.
Cheryl: No, they're not.

More TV show quotes
Next: The Dick Van Dyke Show

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