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Terror Firmer Quotes

Terror Firmer is a television show that first aired in 1970 . Terror Firmer ended in 1970.

It features Michael Herz, and Lloyd Kaufman as producer, Nobuhiko Morino in charge of musical score, and Brendan Flynt as head of cinematography.

Terror Firmer is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Terror Firmer is 98 minutes, 114 minutes, and 123 minutes long. Terror Firmer is distributed by Troma Entertainment.

The cast includes: Will Keenan as Casey, Debbie Rochon as Christine, Charlotte Kaufman as Audrey Benjamin, Gary Hrbek as Toddster, Joe Fleishaker as Jacob Gelman, Lloyd Kaufman as Larry Benjamin, Greg 'G-Spot' Siebel as Ward, Trent Haaga as Jerry, Alyce LaTourelle as Jennifer, Mo Fischer as Andy, Charlotte Kaufman as DJ, Trace Burroughs as Edgar Allan, and Theo Kogan as Theodora.

Terror Firmer Quotes

Lloyd Kaufman as Larry Benjamin

  • (Lloyd Kaufman) "Christine, that was great. Now all we have to do is a couple of pickups and we can go home."
  • (Debbie Rochon) "Larry, my contract with you says 15 hours and I've been here for 22 hours now. I'm tired and I want to go home."
  • (Lloyd Kaufman) "Of course you want to go home. While you were in that last scene, I could have sworn you were Marilyn Monroe in River of No Return. You were so beautiful in that."
  • (Debbie Rochon) "Really, Larry? Marilyn Monroe?"
  • (Lloyd Kaufman) "Yeah."
  • (Debbie Rochon) "Well -- I guess I could do a couple of more times. How do I look?"
  • (Lloyd Kaufman) "You look great, Marilyn -- I mean, Christine."
  • (Lloyd Kaufman) "Quiet. Quiet, quiet, quiet. What's going on here? I'm the director. I am the director. I'm not saying that because I'm on some kind of ego trip or on some kind of bullshit artistic vision. I'm telling you this because I've been directing ten-cent movies for 30 years and I think I know a little bit about what I am doing. And I know a little something about the world because I'm a 52-year-old manic asshole. It's a horrible world. Starvation, dismemberment, torture, rape, corn-holing -- it's horrible out there, but it's worse here in the movie set. We have danger -- and stupidity. I don't want someone dying on my set. If someone dies here, I'll blow my brains out and it will be your fault. My career will be over and it'll be your fault. Now, if I have to go around wiping your asses, just let me know. I'll just get some toilet paper and go around to each and every one of you wiping everyone asses. Do you want me to wipe your asses?"
  • (Lloyd Kaufman) "I don't believe you. But we'd better soldier on. Now, let's make some art."
  • (Lloyd Kaufman) "Hey, Andy are you there? Are we all ready to shoot the next scene?"
  • (Mo Fischer) "Actually no, we're going to have to stop production. The sound guy just quit."
  • (Lloyd Kaufman) "Aw man, not the Toddster. He had good potential. Ah, what the heck, let's shoot the scene anyway. We don't need sound."
  • (Mo Fischer) "Larry, the next scene is Sergeant Kabukiman delivering the Gettysburg Address."
  • (Lloyd Kaufman) "Oh -- well I guess we can just scratch that. Hey, let's go to that wild party scene. I can see it now -- we do a nice slow disolve to the fraternity scene. The night scene --"

Joe Fleishaker as Jacob Gelman

  • (Joe Fleishaker) "Do you want some chocolate? I didn't think so. I eat this stuff all the time. White chocolate, dark chocolate. Of course I eat dark chocolate with meat and white chocolate with fish."

Greg 'G-Spot' Siebel as Ward

  • (Greg 'G-Spot' Siebel) "Ew, Jerry you distgusting freak, get away from me with all that stuff."
  • (Trent Haaga) "Aw, come on Ward. Don't tell me this little nosebleed is bothering you a little."
  • (Greg 'G-Spot' Siebel) "Not at much as your ugly face. Why do you get into this stuff anyway?"
  • (Trent Haaga) "Why do you always look at the crack of a man's ass and think "lunch time"?"
  • (Greg 'G-Spot' Siebel) "No wonder I loose my appetite when I look at you -- sicko. Look at these people. They're miserable."
  • (Trent Haaga) "Hey, hey, listen tushy pusher, I love my job. I don't even get paid to be here. In fact, I would pay to be here. So if these people don't like it here, they can just get the fuck out."

Trent Haaga as Jerry

  • (Trent Haaga) "Okay, Yaeger one more layer. Great. Now in 10 minutes when it's dry, we'll have a perfect mold of your head. Now, it's very important that you don't move, breath, blink or do anything. Hello? Can you hear me? Give me a signal."
  • (Trent Haaga) "Okay, great. Gotta go. I'll be back in 10 minutes. Gotta go see a man about a severed leg."
  • (Trent Haaga) "Hey Ward, according to these new revisions, Toxie finds out that the chemical company responsible for turning him into the Toxic Avenger was called Junk-O Chemicals."
  • (Greg 'G-Spot' Siebel) "No way."
  • (Trent Haaga) "Way. It turns out that it was owned by his late father who made this plant which made Toxie sick which is why he commited suicide, and Toxie never even knew it."
  • (Will Keenan) "All these revisions -- it's absolutely ridiculous."
  • (Trent Haaga) "I'm sorry, what?"
  • (Will Keenan) "We change the script every day. It completely changes everything in the story."
  • (Trent Haaga) "Yes. You can do whatever you want to at Troma. It's this shit in which the best chaos emerges."
  • (Will Keenan) "How can you like this offensive garbage anyway?"
  • (Trent Haaga) "Because it is offensive. Sometimes pissing people off is the only reason to get them to look at shit."
  • (Trent Haaga) "See? Even Mad Cow Boy agrees."

Trace Burroughs as Edgar Allan

  • (Trace Burroughs) "Larry, Old Man Phil is dead."
  • (Theo Kogan) "Oh, great. Somebody start digging a fucking hole."
  • (Will Keenan) "Houston, we have a problem."
  • (Unnamed) "This is definitely not chocolate pudding."

Charlotte Kaufman as DJ

  • (Charlotte Kaufman) "You killed my daddy, you maniacal, media-manipulated, homicidal, hermaphrodite freak of nature."
  • (Charlotte Kaufman) "Hey, you seen Christine?"
  • (Mo Fischer) "I thought she went outside to practice her lines. Didn't you know that?"
  • (Charlotte Kaufman) "I knew that. Everyone thinks that DJ doesn't know shit. DJ knows shit. I know where Christine is. She's with that grip Nikolai again."
  • (Mo Fischer) "Hey Todd, are you gonna be ready in five?"
  • (Gary Hrbek) "I would be ready now if the fact that our fearless leader, our "brilliant" director, didn't blow out my sound system with his ultra-real 44 Magnum blast in that last scene."
  • (Unnamed) "So, how long then?"
  • (Gary Hrbek) "Long enough for you to suck the Todd rod, and for you to be gurgilling with the Todd wadd."
  • (Mo Fischer) "That's enough."
  • (Gary Hrbek) "What the fuck, dude. I'll put up with the awful cheese sandwiches for lunch. I'll put up with the crew on this set that fucking sucks. But I draw the line at ball crunching. I quit. I fucking quit. The Toddster is out of here and I'm taking my sound equipment with me. Sayonadra suckers."

Gary Hrbek as Toddster

  • (Gary Hrbek) "Who is that ?"
  • (Unnamed) "Are you referring to that mysterious yet beautiful lady with her back to us?"

Will Keenan as Casey

  • (Unnamed) "Larry Benjamin was the first director to deal with the subject of AIDS way back in 1985."
  • (Will Keenan) "Right, you call having a mindless nymphet getting raped by an evil general with AIDS is dealing with the subject?"
  • (Trent Haaga) "Right. What's best about it is that you can order that movie and all of Benjamin's older movies on VHS."
  • (Unnamed) "And on DVD with a director's commentary."
  • (Trent Haaga) "Safely and securely on-line or through telephone or mail order."
  • (Unnamed) "What's that Mad Cow Boy? You want the Internet address? It's www.Troma.com."
  • (Will Keenan) "The perversions must end --. Family values must be saved."
  • (Debbie Rochon) "No. This is a Troma movie."
  • (Will Keenan) "Sam Fuller, the American no-talent embraced by those French derelicts."
  • (Will Keenan) "I was thinking about going home and putting a Spielberg movie in; 'Always' or '1941,' something really great like that."

Alyce LaTourelle as Jennifer

  • (Alyce LaTourelle) "I'm glad that wasn't a real knife."
  • (Mo Fischer) "If course it was not a real knife. We wouldn't even allow a butter knife on the set. We all know Benjamin's three simple rules to safety. One, safety to humans. Two, safety to people's property. And three, make a good movie."
  • (Will Keenan) "Yeah, too bad he can't seem to get rule three right."

Mo Fischer as Andy

  • (Mo Fischer) "Hey Larry, where the fuck did the fat kid go?"
  • (Lloyd Kaufman) "Yaeger? I sent him over to Jerry in special effects. He's having his head life cast for the head crushing scene we're filming next. Yaeger's the guy who's going to get his head squished between the cheeks of Toxie's ass."
  • (Mo Fischer) "Larry, it would be so much faster and cheaper if we use this watermellon with a wig on it like you always do."
  • (Lloyd Kaufman) "I know, but this is one movie we ain't skipping on."

Debbie Rochon as Christine

  • (Debbie Rochon) "I've just been pissed on by a blind independent movie director."

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