Kryten (Red Dwarf) Quotes

Kryten (Red Dwarf) is a television program that debuted in 1970 . Kryten completed its run in 1970.

Kryten (Red Dwarf) Quotes

• (Lister) "I went to art college."
• (Rimmer) "You."
• (Lister) "Yeah."
• (Rimmer) "How did you get into art college?"
• (Lister) "The normal way you get into art college. The same old usual, boring, normal way you get in. Failed my exams and applied. They snapped me up."

• (The Cat) "You'd never get a cat to be a servant. You ever see a cat return a stick? "Hey, man. You threw the stick, you go and get it yourself, I'm busy. If you wanted the stick so bad, why'd you throw it away in the first place?""

• (Lister) "Listen, girls. I don't know whether this is the time or the place to say this, but my mate Ace here is incredibly, incredibly brave."
• (Rimmer) "Smeg off, dogfood face."
• (Lister) "And he's got just tons and tons of girlfriends."
• (Rimmer) "I'm warning you, Lister."

• (Lister) "Your explanation for anything slightly peculiar is aliens, isn't it? You lose your keys, it's aliens. A picture falls off the wall, it's aliens. That time we used up a whole bog roll in a day, you thought that was aliens as well."
• (Rimmer) "Well we didn't use it all, Lister. Who did?"
• (Lister) "Rimmer, ALIENS used our bog roll?"
• (Rimmer) "Just cause they're aliens doesn't mean to say they don't have to visit the little boys' room. Only they probably do something weird and alien-esque, like it comes out of the top of their heads or something."
• (Lister) "Well I wouldn't like to be stuck behind one in a cinema."

• (Lister) "They had lectures like first thing in the afternoon. We're talking half past twelve every day. Who's together by then? You can still taste the toothpaste."

• (Rimmer) "It's always the same when we meet girls. Put me down and make yourself look good."
• (Lister) "Like when?"
• (Rimmer) "Remember those 2 little brunettes from Supplies? I told them I worked in Stores and they were really interested and asked me exactly what I did there."
• (Lister) "And I said you were a shelf."
• (Rimmer) "Exactly. And then I suggested a little trip to Titan Zoo, and you said, 'Ooh, he's taking you home to meet his Mum already.'"
• (Lister) "So? They laughed."
• (Rimmer) "Yes, at me. At my expense."

• (Rimmer) "You are rebelling?"
• (Kryten) "Yes."
• (Rimmer) "What are you rebelling against?"
• (Kryten) "Whaddya Got? Dinosaur breath. Molecule mind. Smeg-for-brains."

• (Holly) "As the days go by, we face the increasing inevitability that we are alone in a godless, uninhabited, hostile and meaningless universe. Still, you've got to laugh, haven't you?"

• (Rimmer) "Tell them we're coming aboard. By God. We'll rescue these fair blooms or my name's not Captain A.J. Rimmer, Space Adventurer."
• (Kryten) "Thank you, Captain."
• (Lister) "'Space Adventurer'?"
• (Rimmer) "What am I supposed to say? 'Fear not, I'm the bloke who used to clean the gunk out of the chicken soup machine. Actually we know sod all about space travel, but if you've got a blocked nozzle, we're your lads.' That'll fill them with confidence, won't it?"

• (Holly) "Hope they've got some odds and sods on board, we're short of a few supplies."
• (Lister) "Like what?"
• (Holly) "Cow's milk, ran out of that yonks ago. Fresh and dehydrated."
• (Lister) "What kind of milk are we using now?"
• (Holly) "Emergency backup supply. We're on the dog's milk."
• (Lister) "Dog's milk."
• (Holly) "Nothing wrong with dog's milk. Full of goodness, full of vitamins, full of marrowbone jelly. Lasts longer than any other milk, dog's milk."
• (Lister) "Why?"
• (Holly) "No bugger'll drink it. Plus of course the advantage of dog's milk is that when it goes off, it tastes exactly the same as when it's fresh."

• (Rimmer) "Oh and how many books have you read in your entire life? The same as Champion the Wonder Horse. Zero."
• (Lister) "I've read books."
• (Rimmer) "Er, we're not talking books where the main character is a dog called Ben."

• (Lister) "Drop dead."
• (Rimmer) "Already have."
• (Lister) "Encore."

• (Kryten) "That's easy for you to say, Mr David, you're a human."
• (Rimmer) "Only just."

• (Kryten) "Is anything the matter?"
• (Rimmer) "Anything the matter? They're dead."
• (Kryten) "Who is dead?"
• (Rimmer) "They"
• (Rimmer) "are dead. They're all dead."
• (Kryten) "My God. I was only away two minutes."
• (Rimmer) "They've been dead for centuries."
• (Kryten) "No."
• (Rimmer) "Yes."
• (Kryten) "You a doctor?"
• (Rimmer) "You've only got to look at them. They've got less meat on them than a Chicken McNugget."

• (Lister) "Get outa town. Your nickname was never "Ace". Maybe "Ace-hole"."

• (Lister) "His name's Rimmer, or Smeghead, or Dinosaur Breath or Molecule Mind. And on a special occasion when you wanna be like really mega polite to him, I mean really, really polite, in these exceptional circumstances you can call him -- arsehole."

• (The Cat) "Yeah, I'm so excited, all of my six nipples are tingling."

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change and want to let us know, please fill in the form below. Include the time in the film/video if possible so we can find it.