I, Mudd Quotes

I, Mudd is a television program that appeared on TV in 1970 . I, Mudd stopped airing in 1970.

It features Samuel Matlovsky in charge of musical score.

(McCoy) "All right, it's worked so far, but we're not out yet."
(Captain Kirk) "Well?"
(Spock) "Success, Captain. We've been pruning the leaves and branches of the tree, now it is time to get to work on the root."

(Alice #1 through 250) "We have a very extensive library section for your amusement."
(Alice #251 through 500) "Our research laboratories and workshops are extremely well equipped."
(Alice #251 through 500) "You are free to visit them."
(Captain Kirk) "All right, we might later. In the mean time, would you mind leaving us?"
(Alice #251 through 500) "Why should we leave you?"
(Captain Kirk) "Because -- we don't like you."

(Harcourt Fenton Mudd) "Now listen, Spock, you may be a wonderful science officer but, believe me, you couldn't sell fake patents to your mother."
(Spock) "I fail to understand why I should care to induce my mother to purchase falsified patents."

(Alice #1 through 250) "You desire something else, lord?"
(Chekov) "What a shame you're not real."
(Alice #251 through 500) "We are real, my lord."
(Chekov) "Oh, I mean 'real girls'."
(Alice #1 through 250) "We are programmed to function as human females, lord."
(Chekov) "You are?"
(Alice #251 through 500) "Yes, my lord."
(Chekov) "Harry Mudd programmed you?"
(Alice #251 through 500) "Yes, my lord."
(Chekov) "That unprincipled, evil-minded, lecherous, kulak, Harry Mudd programmed you?"
(Alice #251 through 500) "Yes, my lord."
(Chekov) "This place is even better than Leningrad."

(Captain Kirk) "Scotty. Scotty's dead. He had to much happines. But now he's happier, he's dead. And we'll miss him."

(Uhura) "Because I want an android body. I WANT immortality. I'll live forever, Captain. I'll be young and beautiful."

(McCoy) "There's something wrong about a man who never smiles, and whose conversation never varies from the routine of the job, and who won't talk about his background."
(Spock) "I see."
(McCoy) "Spock -- I mean, that it's, uh -- it's odd for a non-Vulcan. Um -- the ears make all the difference."

(Alice #251 through 500) "Do you require something, lord?"
(Capt. Kirk) "No. Yes. My ship."
(Alice #251 through 500) "I am not programmed --"
(Capt. Kirk) "-- to respond in that area."
(Capt. Kirk) "Yes, I know."
(Alice #251 through 500) "Is there anything ANY of you require to please you?"
(Capt. Kirk) "Alice, give us back our ship to please us. Return us to our ship because we desire it."
(Alice #251 through 500) "We are programmed to serve. We shall serve you to your best interests to make you happy."
(Capt. Kirk) "But we're unhappy here."
(Alice #251 through 500) "Please explain "unhappy.""
(Spock) "Unhappiness is the state which occurs in the human when wants and desires are not fulfilled."
(Alice #251 through 500) "Which wants and desires of yours are not fulfilled?"
(Capt. Kirk) "We want the Enterprise."
(Alice #251 through 500) "The Enterprise is not a want or a desire. It is a mechanical device."
(Capt. Kirk) "No, it's a beautiful lady and we love her."
(Alice #251 through 500) "Illogical, illogical. All units relate. All units. Norman, coordinate."

(McCoy) "Well, you must be very unhappy, Mr. Spock."
(Spock) "That is a human emotion, Doctor, with which I am totally unfamiliar. How could I be "unhappy?""
(McCoy) "Well, we found a whole world of minds that work just like yours; logical, unemotional, completely pragmatic; and we poor, irrational humans whipped them in a fair fight. Now you'll find yourself back among us illogical humans again."
(Spock) "Which I find eminently satisfactory, Doctor, for NOWHERE am I so DESPERATELY needed as among a shipload of illogical humans."

(McCoy) "Besides, he has avoided two appointments that I've made for his physical exam without reason."
(Spock) "It's not at all surprising, Doctor. He's probably terrified of your beads and rattles."

(Captain Kirk) "What is a man but that lofty spirit, that sense of enterprise, that devotion for something that cannot be sensed, cannot be realized but only dreamed, the highest reality?"

(Spock) "You went to substantial risk and effort to bring a starship here. Logically, you must have a compelling motive."
(Harcourt Fenton Mudd) "Spock, you're going to love it here. They all talk just the way you do."

(Harcourt Fenton Mudd) "I, uh -- sold the Denebians all the rights to a Vulcan fuel synthesizer."
(Capt. Kirk) "And the Denebians contacted the Vulcans."
(Harcourt Fenton Mudd) "How'd you know?"
(Capt. Kirk) "That's what I would have done."
(Harcourt Fenton Mudd) "Oh. It's a typical police mentality. They've got no sense of humour; they arrested me."
(McCoy) "Oh, I find that shocking."
(Harcourt Fenton Mudd) "Worse than that. Do you know what the penalty for fraud is on Deneb 5?"
(Spock) "Guilty party has his choice. Death by electrocution, death by gas, death by phaser, death by hanging --"
(Harcourt Fenton Mudd) "The key word in your entire peroration, Mr. Spock, was -- d-d-d-DEATH. Barbarians. Well, of course I -- left."
(Capt. Kirk) "He broke jail."
(Harcourt Fenton Mudd) "I, ah, borrowed transportation --"
(Capt. Kirk) "He stole a spaceship."
(Harcourt Fenton Mudd) "-- the patrol reacted in a hostile manner --"
(Capt. Kirk) "They fired at him."
(Harcourt Fenton Mudd) "They've got no respect for private property; they damaged the bloody spaceship. Well, I -- I got away, but I couldn't navigate, so I wandered out through unmapped space. And here I found -- Mudd."

(Spock) "Logic is a little tweeting bird chirping in a meadow. Logic is a wreath of pretty flowers which smell BAD. Are you sure your circuits are registering correctly? Your ears are green."

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