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I, Mudd Quotes

I, Mudd is a television program that appeared on TV in 1970 . I, Mudd stopped airing in 1970.

It features Samuel Matlovsky in charge of musical score.

I, Mudd Quotes

  • (McCoy) "All right, it's worked so far, but we're not out yet."
  • (Captain Kirk) "Well?"
  • (Spock) "Success, Captain. We've been pruning the leaves and branches of the tree, now it is time to get to work on the root."
  • (Alice #1 through 250) "We have a very extensive library section for your amusement."
  • (Alice #251 through 500) "Our research laboratories and workshops are extremely well equipped."
  • (Alice #251 through 500) "You are free to visit them."
  • (Captain Kirk) "All right, we might later. In the mean time, would you mind leaving us?"
  • (Alice #251 through 500) "Why should we leave you?"
  • (Captain Kirk) "Because -- we don't like you."
  • (Harcourt Fenton Mudd) "Now listen, Spock, you may be a wonderful science officer but, believe me, you couldn't sell fake patents to your mother."
  • (Spock) "I fail to understand why I should care to induce my mother to purchase falsified patents."
  • (Alice #1 through 250) "Why does she strike him?"
  • (Captain Kirk) "She likes him."
  • (Alice #1 through 250) "You desire something else, lord?"
  • (Chekov) "What a shame you're not real."
  • (Alice #251 through 500) "We are real, my lord."
  • (Chekov) "Oh, I mean 'real girls'."
  • (Alice #1 through 250) "We are programmed to function as human females, lord."
  • (Chekov) "You are?"
  • (Alice #251 through 500) "Yes, my lord."
  • (Chekov) "Harry Mudd programmed you?"
  • (Alice #251 through 500) "Yes, my lord."
  • (Chekov) "That unprincipled, evil-minded, lecherous, kulak, Harry Mudd programmed you?"
  • (Alice #251 through 500) "Yes, my lord."
  • (Chekov) "This place is even better than Leningrad."
  • (Captain Kirk) "Scotty. Scotty's dead. He had to much happines. But now he's happier, he's dead. And we'll miss him."
  • (Captain Kirk) "Well, opinions?"
  • (Chekov) "I think we're in a lot of trouble."
  • (Captain Kirk) "That's a great help, Mr. Chekov. Bones?"
  • (McCoy) "I think Chekov's right, we are in a lot of trouble."
  • (Captain Kirk) "Spock, and if you say we're in a lot of trouble --"
  • (Spock) "We are."
  • (Uhura) "Because I want an android body. I WANT immortality. I'll live forever, Captain. I'll be young and beautiful."
  • (McCoy) "There's something wrong about a man who never smiles, and whose conversation never varies from the routine of the job, and who won't talk about his background."
  • (Spock) "I see."
  • (McCoy) "Spock -- I mean, that it's, uh -- it's odd for a non-Vulcan. Um -- the ears make all the difference."
  • (Alice #251 through 500) "Do you require something, lord?"
  • (Capt. Kirk) "No. Yes. My ship."
  • (Alice #251 through 500) "I am not programmed --"
  • (Capt. Kirk) "-- to respond in that area."
  • (Capt. Kirk) "Yes, I know."
  • (Alice #251 through 500) "Is there anything ANY of you require to please you?"
  • (Capt. Kirk) "Alice, give us back our ship to please us. Return us to our ship because we desire it."
  • (Alice #251 through 500) "We are programmed to serve. We shall serve you to your best interests to make you happy."
  • (Capt. Kirk) "But we're unhappy here."
  • (Alice #251 through 500) "Please explain "unhappy.""
  • (Spock) "Unhappiness is the state which occurs in the human when wants and desires are not fulfilled."
  • (Alice #251 through 500) "Which wants and desires of yours are not fulfilled?"
  • (Capt. Kirk) "We want the Enterprise."
  • (Alice #251 through 500) "The Enterprise is not a want or a desire. It is a mechanical device."
  • (Capt. Kirk) "No, it's a beautiful lady and we love her."
  • (Alice #251 through 500) "Illogical, illogical. All units relate. All units. Norman, coordinate."
  • (McCoy) "Well, you must be very unhappy, Mr. Spock."
  • (Spock) "That is a human emotion, Doctor, with which I am totally unfamiliar. How could I be "unhappy?""
  • (McCoy) "Well, we found a whole world of minds that work just like yours; logical, unemotional, completely pragmatic; and we poor, irrational humans whipped them in a fair fight. Now you'll find yourself back among us illogical humans again."
  • (Spock) "Which I find eminently satisfactory, Doctor, for NOWHERE am I so DESPERATELY needed as among a shipload of illogical humans."
  • (Capt. Kirk) "Mr. Spock, we seem to be taking an unscheduled ride."
  • (Spock) "Interesting."
  • (McCoy) "Besides, he has avoided two appointments that I've made for his physical exam without reason."
  • (Spock) "It's not at all surprising, Doctor. He's probably terrified of your beads and rattles."
  • (Captain Kirk) "What is a man but that lofty spirit, that sense of enterprise, that devotion for something that cannot be sensed, cannot be realized but only dreamed, the highest reality?"
  • (Captain Kirk) "Who caught you?"
  • (Harcourt Fenton Mudd) "That, sir, is an outrageous assumption."
  • (Captain Kirk) "Yes. Who caught you?"
  • (Spock) "You went to substantial risk and effort to bring a starship here. Logically, you must have a compelling motive."
  • (Harcourt Fenton Mudd) "Spock, you're going to love it here. They all talk just the way you do."
  • (Harcourt Fenton Mudd) "I, uh -- sold the Denebians all the rights to a Vulcan fuel synthesizer."
  • (Capt. Kirk) "And the Denebians contacted the Vulcans."
  • (Harcourt Fenton Mudd) "How'd you know?"
  • (Capt. Kirk) "That's what I would have done."
  • (Harcourt Fenton Mudd) "Oh. It's a typical police mentality. They've got no sense of humour; they arrested me."
  • (McCoy) "Oh, I find that shocking."
  • (Harcourt Fenton Mudd) "Worse than that. Do you know what the penalty for fraud is on Deneb 5?"
  • (Spock) "Guilty party has his choice. Death by electrocution, death by gas, death by phaser, death by hanging --"
  • (Harcourt Fenton Mudd) "The key word in your entire peroration, Mr. Spock, was -- d-d-d-DEATH. Barbarians. Well, of course I -- left."
  • (Capt. Kirk) "He broke jail."
  • (Harcourt Fenton Mudd) "I, ah, borrowed transportation --"
  • (Capt. Kirk) "He stole a spaceship."
  • (Harcourt Fenton Mudd) "-- the patrol reacted in a hostile manner --"
  • (Capt. Kirk) "They fired at him."
  • (Harcourt Fenton Mudd) "They've got no respect for private property; they damaged the bloody spaceship. Well, I -- I got away, but I couldn't navigate, so I wandered out through unmapped space. And here I found -- Mudd."
  • (Harcourt Fenton Mudd) "You can't do this to me, Kirk. It's inhuman."
  • (Spock) "Logic is a little tweeting bird chirping in a meadow. Logic is a wreath of pretty flowers which smell BAD. Are you sure your circuits are registering correctly? Your ears are green."

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