Friends (season 10) Quotes

Friends is a TV program that appeared on TV in 2003 on NBC. Friends stopped airing in 2004.

Friends was on for 18 episodes.

The cast includes: Matthew Perry as Chandler, Matt LeBlanc as Joey, Jennifer Aniston as Rachel, Matt LeBlanc as Joey Tribbiani, Courteney Cox as Monica, David Schwimmer as Ross, Lisa Kudrow as Phoebe, Greg Kinnear as Ben, Maggie Wheeler as Janice, James Michael Tyler as Gunther, Paul Rudd as Mike Hanigan, Jennifer Coolidge as Mona, Elliott Gould as Jack Geller, Christina Pickles as Judy Geller, Greg Kinnear as Benjamin Hobart, Anna Faris as Erica, Maggie Wheeler as Janine, Matt LeBlanc as Gloria Tribbiani, Dakota Fanning as Mark, and Ron Leibman as Dr. Leonard Green.

Friends Quotes

Matt LeBlanc as Joey

• (Matt LeBlanc) "You're a pain in my ass, Geller."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Ooh-ooh-ooh. Are we opening presents?"
• (Courteney Cox) "No. No. I shouldn't have even opened these. I mean I; Joey, I am out of control. Joey, you have to do me a favor. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, please do not let me open another present. Okay?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Okay."
• (Courteney Cox) "Give me one more."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Okay."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "What? You made a bet. A bet is a bet. You bet on a bet, and if you lose you lose the bet."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Alright. Westminster Abbey. Hands down. Best Abbey I ever seen."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey. Ok. What do you think of the Abbey, Chandler?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, I think it's great. It's great. You know, they're thinking of changing the name of this place."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Really? To what?"
• (Matthew Perry) "To put the camera away."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Man, you are Westminster Crabby."

• (Kate Miller) "I have a question about this scene."
• (The Director) "Yes?"
• (Kate Miller) "Well, I don't understand why Adrienne's attracted to Victor."
• (The Director) "Peel the onion. First of all, he's good-looking."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah."
• (Kate Miller) "I think my character's gonna need a little bit more of a reason than that."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh, hey, how about this one? It says so in the script. Y'know, I don't know why my character likes you either, I mean, it says in the script here that you're a bitch."
• (Kate Miller) "It does not say that in the script."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "It does in mine."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Up is not an option."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I thought it'd be great, you know? have some time alone with my thoughts -- turns out, I don't have as many thoughts as you'd think."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I'm hungry."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "We could eat the wax. It's organic."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh great, food with hair on it."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "No, not the used wax."
• (Matthew Perry) "Because THAT would be crazy."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Joey Tribianni"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "25"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah I'm single"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Actor -- hello?"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Come on, man. Tom Hanks. Meg Ryan. They get mail."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey Ross. If homo sapiens were in fact "homo sapiens", could that be why they're extinct?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Joey, homo sapiens are people."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey. I'm not judging here."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "They want me to do frontal nudity. I can't do that. My grandmother's gonna see that movie."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Well, grandma's gonna have to get in line."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Look at this clown. Just because he's got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Get out of the way jackass."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "That is the Coast Guard."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, you know, you could always visit him."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, right, like they're going to let me have a passport?"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "The guy is like a cartoon."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Rach, you gotta find out if he's in the same place you are. Otherwise, it's just a moo point."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "A moo point?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah. It's like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter. It's moo."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Have I been living with him too long or did that all just make sense?"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Chandler, I understand you. I mean, this one time, I went out with this girl, she had the biggest Adam's apple."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Want some jam?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No thanks, I just had a jar of mustard."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Do you practice losing at the Grammys too?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No, at the Grammys, I always win."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "You know, with that goatee, you kinda look like Satan."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "OK, I have no feelings for Rachel. No feelings at all. She's just a friend. I mean, I might have had some feelings for her, but now they're all gone. All of them. As a matter of fact, I don't think I ever had feelings for Rachel."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Hey, sweetie."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I love you."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "She's so great. She kisses like my mom cooks."
• (Courteney Cox) "I am so glad you said "cooks"."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Forget about Rachel. Go to China, eat Chinese food."
• (Matthew Perry) "Of course there they'd just call it food."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I'm a Tribianni. And this is what we do. We may not be great thinkers, or great leaders, we may not be able to run very fast but God Dammit we can eat."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, I got something for you."
• (Matthew Perry) "What's this?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Eight hundred and twelve bucks."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, I don't know what Big Leon told you but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "And you call yourself an accountant?"
• (Matthew Perry) "-- No."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "You can't have s-e-x in front of a b-a-b-i-e"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey Mon, I got a question for you."
• (Courteney Cox) "Okay, for the bizillionth time, yes I see other women in the shower at the gym, and no I don't look."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "You bet on the bet and if you lose you lose the bet."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Dude, stop talkin' crazy and make us some tea."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, I've never been able to cry as an actor, so if I'm in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling. Or ah, or, let's say I wanna convey that I've just done something evil. That would be the basic 'I have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it'"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Okay, let's say I've just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "And that's how it's done. Great soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Get your sorry, non-believer ass out of my chair."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "And look. A phone in the bathroom."
• (Courteney Cox) "Joey, don't ever call me from that phone."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Anyway, I started working on what I'm gonna say at the ceremony, you wanna hear it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Now, listen, it's just the first draft so -- "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share. It is a love based on giving and receiving, as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have and receive.""
• (Matthew Perry) "Shouldn't we call the spitter?"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Fine. No one ever listens to me. If the package is this pretty, no one cares what's inside."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Chandler is a mysterious fellow, one unlikely to take a wife."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Opposite is opposite."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See, I told you. Less than a hundred steps from our place to here."
• (Matthew Perry) "You've got waaaay too much free time."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "So, what, you just want to stay here and wait for Rachel to come back from her date?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah. I mean, this guy could be my baby's stepfather."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "They go out on one date and you worry about her marrying him? He's not you."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Ross, have you ever been beaten up before?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah, sure."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "By someone besides Monica?"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I just don't think that I want it that way though, you know? I mean, let's say I do make it, all right? I'm always gonna look back and wonder if it was because of my talent or because of -- y'know, the Little General."
• (Matthew Perry) "Didn't you use to call it the Little Major?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, but after Denise DeMarco, I had to promote it."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "This, more than anything, is a staging area."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Come on, give me another chance. I can do a southern accent."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Ya, mon."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "You don't put words in people's mouths, you put turkey in people's mouths."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Do you want to hear something weird?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Always."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey Gunther, have you seen Chandler?"
• (James Michael Tyler) "I thought you were Chandler."
• (James Michael Tyler) "Um, one of you is over there."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hot Girl? Hot Girl."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Just because she went to Yale drama, she thinks she's like the greatest actress since, since, sliced bread."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ah, Sliced Bread, a wonderful Lady MacBeth."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "God, I just, I hate her. I hate her. With her, "Oh, I'm so talented." and "Oh, I'm so pretty," and "Ooh, I smell so good.""
• (Matthew Perry) "I think somebody has a crush on somebody."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey, Chandler, can we please stay focused on my problem here? Y'know?"
• (Matthew Perry) "I'm talking about you. You big, big freak."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Age?"
• (Unnamed) "Can't you work that out by my date of birth?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I'm a doctor, not a mathematician."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "It's just my character that's not brain-dead."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "How come we don't have jam at our place?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Because the kids need shoes."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I can't believe Ross is going out with Rachel's sister. Ya know, when Chandler made out with my sister, I was mad at him for, like, ten years."
• (Matthew Perry) "That was five years ago."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I know. You got five more years."
• (Matthew Perry) "Joey --"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "You want to make it six?"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I'm Joey. I'm disgusting. I make low-budget adult films."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Not knowing when to shut up."
• (David Schwimmer) "Yep, that's my thing --"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Could you close that window? My nipples could cut glass over here."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Really? Mine get me out of tickets."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "What are you worried about? The Vicar will be here any minute."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I hate his underwear. one time I brought a pair marked XS and let me tell you there's no room for anything excess in there."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "There's no juice for the people who need the juice and want the juice and I need the juice."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "In a perfect world, she wouldn't exist. And your father would look like Sting."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Is Phoebe here with the cab yet?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, she brought the invisible cab. Jump in."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh, I'm sorry. Did I get you?"
• (Matthew Perry) "It's an electric drill. You get me, you kill me."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I don't get it. Why can't we use the same toothbrush? We use the same soap."
• (Matthew Perry) "That's different. The toothbrush has been in my mouth."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "OK. But next time you're in the shower, think of the first place you're washing, and the last place I washed."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Aw, man. He took the five of spades."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "No, here it is."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "I thought I'd spend more time with my thoughts, but it turns out I don't have as many thoughts as you'd think."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Pheebs, you wanna help?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Joey doesn't share food."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Heh. Let me get this straight. He got you to beg to sleep with him. He got you to say he never has to call you again. And he got you thinking this is a great idea?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Uh-huh."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "This man is my God."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Paper, snow, a Ghost."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Ha, Ha, he said 'erectus'."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Erectus?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No, 'homo'."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "You think I need a new walk?"
• (Matthew Perry) "What?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Well I've had the same walk since high school and you know how when a guy walks into a room and everybody takes notice. I think I need a 'take notice' walk."
• (Matthew Perry) "Are you actually saying these words?"

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Of course it was a line."
• (Courteney Cox) "Why? Why? Why would anyone do something like that?"
• (David Schwimmer) "I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than, "to get you into bed.""

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Well, this is like summer in a bowl."

• (Matt LeBlanc) "Va fa napoli."

Matthew Perry as Chandler

• (Matthew Perry) "Were your parents HAPPY or something?"

• (Matthew Perry) "You took your eggs and you left. Do you really expect me never to find new eggs?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Big head, big head, big head."

• (Matthew Perry) "Oh hey listen, don't be mad at him, it's our fault. I'm sorry we've been hoggin so much of his time."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, he's just really great to hang around with."
• (Richard) "Well --"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "No, I'm serious. Chandler and I were just talkin' about this. He is so much cooler than our dads."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I mean, you know, our dads are okay, you know? But Richard is just- ow, ow."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "What are you kickin' me for, huh? I'm tryin' to talk here."

• (Eddie) "This is kinda out of the blue, isn't it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No, no, no. This isn't out of the blue. This is smack dab in the middle of the blue."

• (Matthew Perry) "Do you have the revised Annual Network Usage Summary?"
• (Unnamed) "We haven't seen an ANUS this bad since the 70s."

• (Matthew Perry) "How do you not fall down more often?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew. Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster."

• (Matthew Perry) "You have to stop the Q-Tip when there's resistance."

• (Matthew Perry) "Great show. Good work, Joey."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "You liked it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Liked it? I loved it."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "What did you like best about it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "I liked -- everything the whole show."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "What about the specifics?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Specifics? Specifics were the best part."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "What about the scene with the kangaroo?"
• (Matthew Perry) "I -- I was surprised to see a kangaroo in a World War I epic."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "You fell asleep. There was no kangaroo. They didn't take any of my suggestions."

• (Matthew Perry) "Stay -- stay. Good fake dog."

• (Matthew Perry) "All right. You guys don't have to stop having fun just 'cause I'm here. You don't have to feel bad, either. Kathy didn't cheat on all of you --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, except you."

• (Matthew Perry) "When I get back it's going to be Chair City, and I'll be the one who's sitting on chairs."

• (Matthew Perry) "Where's Joey? His mom's on the phone."
• (Courteney Cox) "He's in the bathroom -- I don't think you wanna go in there."
• (Matthew Perry) "C'mon, we're roommates -- Aaaaaaaagh. My eyes. My eyes."

• (Matthew Perry) "And by the way, Count Rushmore doesn't exist."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh yeah? Then who's the guy who painted all the faces on the mountain?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Hey, you know, I have had it with you guys and your "cancer" and your "emphysema" and your "heart disease." The bottom line is smoking is cool and you know it."

• (Matthew Perry) "Look, when Monica comes in, mention fire trucks."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Why?"
• (Matthew Perry) "There's this guy at her work that she says is the funniest guy she ever met."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "How could she do that? She know being funny is your thing."
• (Matthew Perry) "I know. So could you mention fire trucks when she comes in."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I don't know. I'm not too good at memorizing lines."
• (Matthew Perry) "It's a good thing you don't have to do that for a living."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I know."

• (Matthew Perry) "Ding dong, the psycho's gone."

• (Matthew Perry) "I am holding up these cushions as a symbol of my remorse. Though you may haveth anger now --"

• (Unnamed) "Now, Chandler, I'm going to need this back on Tuesday."
• (Matthew Perry) "If you say so, Sir."

• (Matthew Perry) "I can't say hump or screw in front of the b-a-b-y -- I just spelled the wrong words didn't I?"

• (Matthew Perry) "You know, I'm really glad we decided not to sleep together before the wedding."
• (Courteney Cox) "Me too."
• (Matthew Perry) "You know, I was, uh, thinking. If you and I had a big fight and broke up for a few hours --"
• (Courteney Cox) "Yeah?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Technically we could have sex again. So, what do you think -- bossy and domineering?"
• (Courteney Cox) "The wedding's off, sloppy and immature."
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh, wait. We can't, my cousin Cassie is in the guest room."
• (Matthew Perry) "Well, get rid of her, obsessive and shrill."
• (Courteney Cox) "Shrill? The wedding's back on."

• (Matthew Perry) "Rachel, it's the Visa card people."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, okay. Will you take my place?"
• (Matthew Perry) "All right."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yes, this is Rachel."

• (Matthew Perry) "How can I dump this woman on Valentine's Day?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh man. In my next life I'm comin' back as a toilet brush."
• (Maggie Wheeler) "Hello Funny Valentine."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hello, Just Janice."

• (Susie) "You know why I like you?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Because my parents sent me to an all-boys Boarding School and now God is making up for it?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Go with the Egg, my friend."

• (Matthew Perry) "I'm not so good with the advice -- Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, I know it must be important to you when you start chattering like a monkey."

• (Nora Bing) "Hi, Chandler. This is Dennis. He's a great guy --"
• (Nora Bing) "-- and a fantastic lover."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hello, Dennis. Thank you for pleasing my mother so."

• (Matthew Perry) "The only way I would've said six would have been if I had said, "Let's meet at seven, not at six.""
• (Courteney Cox) "The only way I would've said seven, would have been if I had said, 'Wow, my boyfriend is such a wiseass -- Seven.'"

• (Matthew Perry) "She's on the other line, gonna call me back, she's on the other line, gonna call me back."
• (Courteney Cox) "Don't you still have to pee?"
• (Matthew Perry) "That's why I'm dancing."

• (Matthew Perry) "Just reach over and pick it up --"
• (Matthew Perry) "There we go. Good save. Now it's all good and you're -- chewing someone else's gum. Oh, my God. Oh, my God."
• (Matthew Perry) "And now you're choking."
• (Jill Goodacre) "Are you okay?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Now you stay out here and you think about what you did."
• (David Schwimmer) "That's a duck."
• (Matthew Perry) "That's a bad duck."

• (Matthew Perry) "Condoms?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "We don't know how long we're gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world."
• (Matthew Perry) "And condoms are the way to do that?"

• (Matthew Perry) "I got her machine."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Her answering machine?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No. Interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up."

• (Matthew Perry) "That was pretty intense, huh?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah. Hey, I hope Ross didn't think that we just went in there because we were uncomfortable being out here."
• (Matthew Perry) "I hope he did."

• (Matthew Perry) "Can you see my nipples through this shirt?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No, but don't worry. I'm sure they're still there."

• (Matthew Perry) "Aw -- oh that's right, I have no-one."

• (Matthew Perry) "Well actually, gum would be perfection."
• (Matthew Perry) "Gum would be perfection? Where did that come from? Coulda said thanks, coulda said I'll have a stick but no, for me, gum would be perfection. I loathe myself."

• (Matthew Perry) "I know they call this a love seat but I'm not feeling anything special towards you --"

• (Matthew Perry) "Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream."
• (David Schwimmer) "Ah, the lesser known "I Don't Have a Dream" speech."

• (Matthew Perry) "You wanna tell secrets? Okay. In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers."
• (David Schwimmer) "All right. Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-a-like contest and won."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ross came in fourth and cried."
• (David Schwimmer) "Chandler got drunk one night and slept with the woman who cleaned our dorm."
• (Matthew Perry) "That was you."
• (David Schwimmer) "Whatever dude. You kissed a guy."

• (Matthew Perry) "You made my girlfriend think."

• (Matthew Perry) "Could we BE more white trash?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Now, remember, Ben, keep your balance."
• (Greg Kinnear) "Thanks, daddy."
• (David Schwimmer) "No, remember, Ben, two mommies, one daddy."

• (Matthew Perry) "If you can't do it you can't do it. That's the great thing about this game, it makes you want to kill yourself."

• (Matthew Perry) "When I get back it'll be Chair City, and I'll be the one who's sitting on Chairs."

• (Matthew Perry) "You know, you're a great guy, Richard."
• (Richard) "Yeah. I hate that."

• (Matthew Perry) "I am an excellent secret keeper. I have kept all of out secrets."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "What secrets?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh no-no, Joey, I am not going to tell you because I am an excellent secret keeper."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "You'll tell me later?"
• (Matthew Perry) "You already know."

• (Matthew Perry) "Come on, I'll show you to my room -- Wow, that sounds weird when it's not followed by "No thanks, it's late"."

• (Matthew Perry) "All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers -- it doesn't make much of a difference."

• (Matthew Perry) "I was being Shelley Winters from the Poseidon Adventure."
• (David Schwimmer) "I know."

• (Matthew Perry) "Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it. I don't think that was my point."

• (Matthew Perry) "You rent out these tuxes to celebrities for award shows."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah."
• (Matthew Perry) "You mean these tuxes have been down the red carpet with people screaming "Wow. You look fabulous." at them?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Honey, could I recommend watching a little bit more "ESPN" and a little less "E."?"

• (Julie) "You know, Chandler, in some cultures a third nipple is considered a mark of virility. The most desirable women dance naked around you so you can make your pick."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ah, would any of these cultures be in the tri-state area?"
• (Julie) "Sorry."

• (Matthew Perry) "Monica, come on do you really think that she would steal from us, then come back and wear it right in front of you?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Don't you see? It's the PERFECT crime."
• (Matthew Perry) "She must have been planning this for years."

• (Matthew Perry) "Full bag -- warm bowl -- something horrible must have happened here."

• (Matthew Perry) "Who's the Bitterest man in the living room/ the Bitterest man in the living room? Hello, Neighbour."

• (Matthew Perry) "My dad slept with Mr. Gribaldi."
• (Courteney Cox) "Who's Mr. Gribaldi?"
• (Matthew Perry) "DOES IT MATTER?"

• (Matthew Perry) "When did you start crapping money?"

• (Matthew Perry) "Oh she should not be wearing those pants. I say push her down the stairs."

• (Matthew Perry) "So, when's the big game gonna start?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You don't have to do that, Ross and Joey aren't here, you can watch the parade."

• (Matthew Perry) "What are you guys like a gang or something?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, we are."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "We're the Cobras."

• (Matthew Perry) "I got a job in advertising. Well, not a paying job. More of an internship. But, they hire people they like."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah, we got interns on "Days of Our Lives"."
• (Matthew Perry) "Yeah, it's the same thing -- except, less sex with you."

• (Matthew Perry) "-- And I'm not sure about this actor guy, because when he left a message and he heard my name "Chandler Bing", he said "Woah. Short message.""

• (Matthew Perry) "We just think Emily might be being a bit -- unreasonable."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yes. Yes. Unreasonable."

• (Matthew Perry) "We're getting a house."
• (Courteney Cox) "We're getting a baby."
• (Matthew Perry) "We're growing up."
• (Courteney Cox) "We sure are."
• (Matthew Perry) "So who's going to tell them?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Not it."
• (Matthew Perry) "Not it. Damn it."

• (Matthew Perry) "Too many jokes. Must mock Joey."

• (Matthew Perry) "Now, honey, I know you don't like to relinquish control --"
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh. Relinquish is just a fancy word for "lose"."

• (Matthew Perry) "And this from the cry-for-help department: Are you wearing makeup?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani, actor slash model."
• (Matthew Perry) "That's funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman."

• (Matthew Perry) "At least your middle name isn't Murial."
• (David Schwimmer) "Chandler M Bing? Your parents never gave you a chance, did they?"

• (Matthew Perry) "I expect this from her, she's always been a Freudian nightmare."

• (Matthew Perry) "Whoa, whoa, so I'm guessing you didn't get the part -- or Italy called and said it was hungry."

Jennifer Aniston as Rachel

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, honey. Don't get up. What do you need?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, no. Oh, nothing."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Come on. I am here to take care of you. What do you need? Anything."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Okay, I have a wedgie."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Okay, that is all you."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "-- Are we still talking about sex?"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Wha -- married?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Well, yeah, I think we should get married."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "What? Because that's your answer to everything?"

• (Joshua Burgin) "Oh God, that Special Bond again."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Well --"
• (Joshua Burgin) "Do you have a brother?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No, but one of my sisters had a very -- masculine energy."
• (Joshua Burgin) "And how did you get on?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, I don't talk to them, they're not very nice people."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "See? Unisex."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Maybe you need sex. I just had it a few days ago."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No, Joey, U-N-I-sex."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I wouldn't say no to that."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Who's FICA? Why is he getting all my money?"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Of course I admire you Phoebe. You have principles. I don't have any."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Ooh, I'm a man. Ooh, I have a penis. Ooh, I have to win money to exert my power over women."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Mon, I'm gonna to check my messages."
• (Matthew Perry) "And you thought of that in there?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Well, nature called and she wanted to see who else did."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yes, Phoebe, but Jack gave up a Cow, and I gave up an Orthodontist."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Did you love him?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Well, there you go, Jack loved the Cow."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "How about for a girl, Rain?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Rain? "Hi, my name is Rain. I have my own kiln and my dress is made out of wheat.""
• (Lisa Kudrow) "I know her."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "How do we end up with these jerks? We're good people."
• (Courteney Cox) "Maybe we're like some kind of magnets."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch."
• (Courteney Cox) "There's more beer right?"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "So are things between you and Joey getting any better?"
• (Matthew Perry) "It couldn't get any worse. Last night, I spent eight hours calling him, trying to get him to talk to me."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, wow. Eight hours. So you could probably really use one of those plug-in telephone headsets, huh?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Should we all expect Christmas gifts that can be stolen from your office?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "You shouldn't."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Can you take care of Emma just for today?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Sure, just lend me your breasts and we'll be on our way."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Didn't the chick and the duck di --"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "-ve, dive. Yeah, they dove. Head first into fun on the farm."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Joey, I'm really sorry that I lied to you. I was just trying to make things --"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I know. I know."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "It kinda worked. I mean you know, I don't know about you but I haven't thought about our thing since all this."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Hey you're right. Yeah, it's kinda been like us again a little bit."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah I know. I miss that."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Me too. I mean I -- haven't thought at all about how I put myself out there and said all that stuff and how you didn't feel the same way about me and-and how it was really awkward."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "My gynecologist tried to kill me."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "All right, well, if you must know -- I had a traumatic -- swing incident -- when I was little."
• (David Schwimmer) "Seriously?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yes, I was 4 years-old and I was on the swing and then all of a sudden my hair got tangled in the chain. And to get me out my mom had to; had to cut a big chunk of my hair."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "And it was uneven for weeks."
• (David Schwimmer) "And you made it through that? I wonder who's gonna play you in the movie."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Ok, fine. You can make fun of me. I do not want Emma going there."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "And I was thinking Claire Danes."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, y'know what you should get 'em? One of those little uh, portable CD players."
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh, I already have one."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Not unless someone borrowed it and left it at the gynecologist."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah, and-and-and by someone, she means Joey."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow?"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Thank you for my beautiful earrings, they're perfect. I love you."
• (David Schwimmer) "Oh, now you can exchange them if you want, okay?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Now I love you even more."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You gotta come with me."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Come where?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Wherever I go. Come on. You and me. We'll -- we'll start a new group. We're the best ones."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Okay, but try and get Joey, too."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Are you sure that on some level you don't want to take off my bra?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I don't have another level."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "I don't want my baby's first words to be "How You Doing""

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You didn't finish reading it?"
• (David Schwimmer) "It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for eighteen pages; front and back."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "-- How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?"
• (Unnamed) "Three."
• (David Schwimmer) "Just three? I'm dilated three."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You just grabbed some insane woman at the Coffee House?"
• (David Schwimmer) "None of the Sane ones wanted to come back with me."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You don't want to try things too fast. You know what happened to the girl who tried things too fast?"
• (Jill Green) "No. What?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Well -- she died."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Wow, must have been Drake."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Hey Ben, you know what? When you were a baby, you and I used to do all sorts of stuff together, coz I was your daddy's girlfriend."
• (Greg Kinnear) "But you're not anymore."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No, no we're not."
• (Greg Kinnear) "Coz you and dad were on a break."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh, it was horrible. He called me "young lady"."
• (Matthew Perry) "Ugh, I hate when my father calls me that."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Cool. "Urkel" in Spanish is "Urkel.""

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Come on. You guys can pee standing up."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Ok, Joey, we'll do it one more time. Don't forget the rules -heads I win, tails you lose."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Just flip the coin."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "God, this is funny, look, this is a picture of one Halloween where she dressed up as a bride."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "And look, she made me carry her train, which was weird because I was Wonder Woman."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "I've never asked a guy out before."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You've never asked a guy out?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "No. Have you?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Thousands of times. That doesn't make me sound too good, does it?"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Ever since I was humiliated, I've not been in a very museum-benefitty sort of place."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You always have to be right."
• (David Schwimmer) "I do not always- I'm not doing this."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Jurassic Park could happen."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "I don't know, you might be the first one."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "I mean, is that woman capable of talking about anything else but sex?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Yeah sure. Well, you know earlier she was talking about geography."
• (Courteney Cox) "Joey, she was listing the countries she's done it in."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Well, I think we all learned something."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Joey, you can't steal an award."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I'm not stealing it. I'm accepting it on her behalf."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "You don't even know what behalf means."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I know what it means. It's a verb. As in, I behalfing it."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Aw, this is a present from my boyfriend. It's a Love Bug, ha."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Well, I guess it wasn't Cupid that brought her here after all."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "No, just another regular flying dwarf."

• (Unnamed) "So, you work at Bloomindales -- My mom calls it Bloomies."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yeah, ok, At ease soldier."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "I have got your money, and you'll never see it, and your fly's still open"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "ha, I made you look."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Hey, just so you know: it's not that common, it doesn't "happen to every guy, " and it is a big deal."
• (Matthew Perry) "I knew it."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Well, oh, Mark, I'm doing this for the wrong reasons, y'know? I'm just doing it to get back at Ross. I'm sorry, it's not very fair to you."
• (Dakota Fanning) "Ahh. Fair, schmair. Y'know? Look, if you want to get back at Ross, I am here for you. Really? No-no, I say-I say, I say we get back at him right on this couch. Right here."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Sorry."
• (Dakota Fanning) "Okay. I'll just go home and get back at him by myself."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "I've never been to an analyst."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "And it shows."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "You don't just flit off to Vermont as soon as you meet someone."
• (Courteney Cox) "You flitted off to Vail as soon as you met Barry."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "For once, could you not just remember every little thing?"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "I will have the uh,"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "side salad."
• (Unnamed) "And what will that be on the side of?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Uh, I don't know. Why don't you put it right here next to my water?"

• (Jennifer Aniston) "Do you know the only person who'd wanna listen to this? A mental health professional. And that's only because they get paid a hundred dollars an hour."

• (Jennifer Aniston) "I'm not someone who goes after a guy five minutes after he's divorced."
• (Courteney Cox) "No, you go after them five minutes before they get married --"

Lisa Kudrow as Phoebe

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Please don't kill yourself. My mother did, I know what I'm talking about. And besides, I wasn't even meant to be working today. Don't you see that the Universe wants you to live?"
• (Unnamed) "Do you hear that? I don't need you people. The Universe cares about me. The whole Universe. Ha-ha-ha."
• (Unnamed) "I wish they cared a little bit --"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Well, I'm a pacifist. But, when the revolution comes, I'll destroy all of you."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Except for you, Joey."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "I remember the day I got my first paycheck. There was a cave-in in one of the mines, and eight people were killed."
• (Courteney Cox) "Wow, you; you worked in a mine?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "No, I worked in a Dairy Queen. Why?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Sting's pen --"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "-- that he gave to Phoebe."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "What's on your neck?"
• (Courteney Cox) "That? That would be the work of a Blowfish."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Okay, now we need the sage branches and the sacramental wine."
• (Courteney Cox) "All I have is oregano and a Fresca."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "That's okay."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "All right, now we need the semen of a righteous man."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "OK, Pheebs, you know what? If we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "PICK UP THE SOCK. PICK UP THE SOCK. PICK UP THE SOCK."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Look, I had a hard life. My mother was killed by a drug dealer."
• (Courteney Cox) "Phoebe, your mom killed herself."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "She was a drug dealer."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "No, huh uh, no way, I'm sorry, not gonna happen."
• (Matthew Perry) "Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "I've done some research, and it turns out mink aren't very nice."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "At first they're so cute and soft to the touch/ Then they grow up and resent you so much/ Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why/ and you cry and you cry and you cry/ and you cry and you cry and you cry and you cry -- Thanks Ross."
• (David Schwimmer) "I'm paying you to STOP."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "You know, we thought you were different. But I guess it was just the coma."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "If I don't hold my hair, my head will fall off."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Jingle bitch screwed me over. Go to hell jingle whore. Go to hell, go to hell, go to hell."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "You still love Rachel."
• (David Schwimmer) "No, I don't."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You got married to her."
• (David Schwimmer) "In Vegas. I was so drunk, I could've married Joey."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hey. You could do a lot worse than Joey Tribianni."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "We're -- just saying Goodbye to the Hotel. We LOVE you, Paradise Hotel, Golf Resort and Spa."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Look, Joey, I know about your feelings."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh, you do?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah, and I don't think it could happen."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "I know. I mean it's not just my friend Rachel, it's my pregnant with Ross's child friend Rachel."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Uhh -- Yeah, Rachel, I mean you two are friends."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Kick me in the stomach why don't you."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "What?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Nothing. You know, maybe it's just a crush, it doesn't mean you love her."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "You think?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah. I mean I've had them for you guys -- except for Ross and Chandler. I'm sure you had them for us before, right?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "No, not really."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Throw me a friggin' bone here, will ya?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "What happens to the old Christmas trees?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "They go into the chipper."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Why do I get the feeling that's not as happy as it sounds?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "I think the most romantic song is the one that Elton John wrote for that guy from "who's the Boss?""
• (Courteney Cox) "Which one was that?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You know, uh, "Hold me closer, Tony Danza -- "."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hey, if we were in prison, you guys would be like my bitches."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Charlotte? You know, with the web? She has babies, then she dies. It's like, "Hey, mom, welcome home from the hospital." THUD."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Quit being so "testosterony"."
• (Matthew Perry) "-- The real San Francisco treat."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Leave me behind. I'm just a machine."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap, asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap. He said all you need is to write them a song. Now you haven't heard it yet, so don't try to sing along. No don't sing along. Monica, Monica, have a happy Hannukah. I saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross. And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy. And Rachel and Chandler -- have a"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "handlerrrrr."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, look. Ugly Naked Guy is decorating his Christmas tree. Wow, you should see the size of his Christmas balls."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "There's no such thing as an innocent Burger."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Chandler still thinks I'm pregnant and he hasn't asked me how I'm feeling or offered to carry my bags. I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Aww Pheebs."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Honey, that's your name."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, Pheebs is short for Phoebe I thought that's just what we called each other."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "My mom used to stick her head in the oven. Actually she only did it the once, but it was pretty weird."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "A plate of brownies once told me a Limerick."
• (Matthew Perry) "Let me ask you, Phoebe: were these "funny brownies"?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Not particularly. Although I do think they had pot in them."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hello, my name is Clunkers. May I please stay with you nice people?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) ""Oh, I slept with Billy Joel." Who hasn't?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "You got a haircut."
• (David) "Yeah, well, I got like, thirty of 'em."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "You know, this reminds me of the time I was living on the street and this guy said he'd buy me food if I slept with him. Because that was a real problem and this is just some High School crap."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "It's raining. I don't like to fly in the rain."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Oh, I'm going to go for a walk in the rain."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Oh -- me too."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Huh. I bet they're doing it."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "It's because of stuff like this that you're BURNING IN HELL."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "I'm going to get a coffee. Anybody want anything?"
• (Courteney Cox) "I'll have a latte."
• (David Schwimmer) "I'll have a blueberry muffin, with a decaf."
• (Matthew Perry) "I'll have a bagel with a little --"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "You know I was just being polite."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "That's it? "We were on a break." "No we weren't." What happened to you two?"

• (Unnamed) "Come on, tell me about it."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Well, it's my friends. They have a liking problem. With you. In that -- they don't."
• (Unnamed) "Oh."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "But I do. Me, Phoebe."
• (Unnamed) "Well, I can't say I'm surprised. It's what I've come to expect from this kind of co-dependent, dysfunctional group dynamic, this sitting around in your Coffee House drinking from Cups which, I'm sorry, may as well have nipples on them. Saying "Oh, define me, define me. Love me, I need love.""

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, I can't believe you. You've been so good, for three years."
• (Matthew Perry) "And this- is my reward."
• (David Schwimmer) "Hold on a second, all right? Just think about what you went through the last time you quit."
• (Matthew Perry) "Okay, so this time I won't quit."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Ok, I need to get this right so give me a sec --"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yo, dude. Eleven o'clock, totally hot babe checkin' you out."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "A person's wedding is important. And especially to me. OK? I didn't have a graduation party. And I didn't go to Prom. And I spent my sweet sixteen being chased round a tyre yard by an escaped mental patient who in his own words wanted to "kill me, or whatever." So I deserve a real celebration and I am not gonna let some sweaty little man make me feel badly about it."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Stop, you guys. Look what you're doing to Chandler."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "This is big. No this is huge. No this is like really really -- all right what's bigger than huge?"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Uh, this?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Yeah."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "I may play the fool at times but I'm a little more than just a pretty blonde girl with an ass that won't quit."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "She's going through her fourth month of pregnancy. Remember when I was in my fourth month?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Yes, that was the Evander Holyfield period. You know, you were so hard up, you even came on to me."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Did not."
• (Courteney Cox) "Yes, you did."
• (Courteney Cox) "Listen, Phoebe, I could have had you if I had wanted you."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, yeah? Well, bring it on."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Guys. Stop it. This is even turning me on."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "They're coming. Run."
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Where?"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Mexico."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Hey. Why isn't it Spidermen? You know, like Goldmen, Silvermen."
• (Matthew Perry) "Because, it -- it's not his last name."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "It isn't?"
• (Matthew Perry) "No. It's not like Phil Spidermen. He's a spider man. You know, like Goldmen is a last name but there's no gold man."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, oh okay --"
• (Lisa Kudrow) "There should be a gold man."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Come on, Ross we've got to think like Chandler."
• (David Schwimmer) "So where's the one place he'd never expect us to look?"
• (David Schwimmer) "So THIS is your Office?"

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Ok, I got an idea. If it's a girl, Phoebe, naturally. And, if it's a boy -- Phoebo."
• (David Schwimmer) "Uhh -- Sure, but let's not limit ourselves to just one name."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Ok, I got one. If it's a girl -- Sandrine. It's French."
• (David Schwimmer) "That's a great name -- for an industrial solvent."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Ok, you got a better one?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah, check this out. If it's a boy; Darwin."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Yes, Ross, I do want a son who'll be regularly beaten in the schoolyard."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "By Sandrine."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, my god. You had sex."
• (Courteney Cox) "No, we didn't."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "I know YOU didn't, I'm saying she did."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Why would you kill his fish?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Because, Phoebe, sometimes after you sleep with someone you have to kill a fish."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "Come on Ross, you're a paleontologist, dig a little deeper."

• (Lisa Kudrow) "There was a crooked man, who had a crooked smile, who lived in a shoe, for a -- while --"

David Schwimmer as Ross

• (David Schwimmer) "Wow."
• (Matthew Perry) "Hey stop staring at my wife's legs. No, no, stop staring at your sister's legs"

• (David Schwimmer) "I think it'll be a boy."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "I think it'll be a girl."
• (David Schwimmer) "Phoebe, you thought Ben would be a girl."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Have you seen him throw a ball?"

• (David Schwimmer) "I guess I should have known -- we'd be out somewhere, and a beautiful woman would go by, and Carol would go, "Ross, look at her." And I'd think, "My wife is cool.""

• (David Schwimmer) "Ok, look. You don't have to get married. We can just go home and take a shower. That's not so scary is it?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Depends on what you mean by "we"."

• (David Schwimmer) "I can't wait to play with you all day, and to hear your first words."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Why are you letting him talk to your crotch that way?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "He's talking to the baby."
• (Lisa Kudrow) "Oh, that's good. Because when I heard, "I can't wait to hear your first words" I thought, "Boy that's some trick.""

• (David Schwimmer) "Does little Ross like dinosaurs by any chance?"
• (Mr. Zelner) "Yeah, they're all he talks about, why?"
• (David Schwimmer) "How would he like to come with me to the Museum of Natural History after everyone else has left, just the two of us, and he can touch anything he wants."
• (David Schwimmer) "I just heard it as you must have heard it and that's not good. Let me start again. I'm a paleontologist, you'll be there with us and the touching refers only to bones; fossils."

• (David Schwimmer) "Why, it's like I've been given the gift of time."
• (Matthew Perry) "That's great. Last year I got the gift of space. We should get together and make a continuum."

• (David Schwimmer) "Uhh, excuse me. If I could have everybody's attention. I'm Ross Geller."
• (Elliott Gould) "DR. Ross Geller."
• (David Schwimmer) "Dad -- Please. Anyway, as I was saying, I'm Dr. Ross Geller --"

• (David Schwimmer) "We were on a break."
• (Matthew Perry) "Oh, my God. If you say that one more time, I'm going to break up with you."

• (David Schwimmer) "You know, we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half human, half pure evil."

• (David Schwimmer) "I want someone who gets my heart pounding"
• (David Schwimmer) "-- Someone who --"
• (Matthew Perry) "Little play things with yarn?"
• (David Schwimmer) "What?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Could you want her more?"
• (David Schwimmer) "Who?"
• (Matthew Perry) "Dee the sarcastic sister from "What's Happening"."

• (David Schwimmer) "It's Joey, I love Joey."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Joey lives with a duck."

• (David Schwimmer) "Oh my God. Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?"
• (Jennifer Aniston) "I got off the plane."

• (David Schwimmer) "Hi --"
• (Matt LeBlanc) "Pfft -- This guy says, "Hello, " I wanna kill myself."

• (David Schwimmer) "NO FALAFEL FOR YOU."

• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah, Tony, hold on."
• (David Schwimmer) "Hello? Yeah, she's right here. Hold on."
• (David Schwimmer) "Yeah, Tony I'll call you back. It's my sister's boyfriend."
• (Courteney Cox) "Give me that."
• (Courteney Cox) "Hi sweetie. Before I forget, did I leave my diaphragm at your house?"
• (Courteney Cox) "Oh, hi mom."

• (David Schwimmer) "I went through the same thing with Carol and you know what I did? I got dressed really quickly."

• (David Schwimmer) "All right, I'll tell you why you're a bad driver. You're fast and irresponsible."
• (Jennifer Aniston) "Well, excuse me but in high school that made me hea

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