Clue (film) Quotes

Clue (film) is a television show that was first aired in 1970 . Clue ended in 1970.

It features Debra Hill as producer, John Morris (composer) in charge of musical score, and Victor J. Kemper as head of cinematography.

Clue (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Clue (film) is 97 minutes long. Clue (film) is distributed by Paramount Pictures.

The cast includes: Christopher Lloyd as Professor Plum, Madeline Kahn as Mrs. White, Michael McKean as Mr. Green, Lesley Ann Warren as Miss Scarlet, Martin Mull as Colonel Mustard, Eileen Brennan as Mrs. Peacock, Will Nye as Cop, Lesley Ann Warren as All, Colleen Camp as Yvette, Jeffrey Kramer as The Motorist, Lee Ving as Mr. Boddy, Jane Wiedlin as The singing Telegram girl, and Kellye Nakahara as Mrs. Ho.

Clue (film) Quotes

Martin Mull as Colonel Mustard

• (Martin Mull) "Well, there is still some confusion as to whether or not there is anybody else in this house."
• (Wadsworth) "I told you, there isn't."
• (Martin Mull) "There isn't any confusion, or there isn't anybody else?"
• (Wadsworth) "Either. Or both."
• (Martin Mull) "Just give me a clear answer."
• (Wadsworth) "Certainly."
• (Wadsworth) "What was the question?"
• (Martin Mull) "Is there anybody else in this house?"
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "No."

• (Martin Mull) "What room's this?"
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Search me."
• (Martin Mull) "All right."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Get your mitts off me."

• (Martin Mull) "How many husbands have you had?"
• (Madeline Kahn) "Mine or other women's?"
• (Martin Mull) "Yours."
• (Madeline Kahn) "Five."
• (Martin Mull) "Five?"
• (Madeline Kahn) "Yes, just the five. Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft, strong and disposable."
• (Martin Mull) "You lure men to their deaths like a spider with flies."
• (Madeline Kahn) "Flies are where men are most vulnerable."
• (Martin Mull) "Right."

• (Martin Mull) "Mr. Boddy threatened to send those pictures to my dear old mother, the shock would've killed her."
• (Madeline Kahn) "Oh, that would've been quite an achievement, since you told us that she's dead already."
• (Madeline Kahn) "So, he had the motive."
• (Wadsworth) "You all had a motive."

• (Wadsworth) "When I said that I was Mr. Boddy's butler, this was both true and misleading. I was once his butler. But it was not his untimely death this evening that brought my employment with him to an end."
• (Martin Mull) "When did it come to an end?"
• (Wadsworth) "When my wife decided to end her life. She, too, was being blackmailed by this odious man who now lies dead before us. He hated my wife for the same reason that he hated all of you. He believed that you were all thoroughly un-American."
• (Michael McKean) "Sorry."
• (Wadsworth) "For some reason, he felt it was inappropriate for a senator to have a corrupt wife; for a doctor to take advantage of his patients; for a wife to emasculate her husband; and, and -- so forth."
• (Michael McKean) "But, this is ridiculous; if he was such a patriotic American, why didn't he just report us to the authorities?"
• (Wadsworth) "He decided to put his information to good use, and make a little money out of it. What could be more American than that?"
• (Christopher Lloyd) "And what was your role in all of this?"
• (Wadsworth) "I was a victim, too. At least, my wife was. She had friends who were"
• (Wadsworth) "socialists."
• (Wadsworth) "Well,"
• (Wadsworth) "we all make mistakes."
• (Wadsworth) "But Mr. Boddy threatened to give my wife's name to the House Un-American Activities Committee unless she named them. She refused. And so he blackmailed her. We had no money. And the price of his silence was that we work for him for nothing. We were slaves."

• (Martin Mull) "So, is this for our host?"
• (Wadsworth) "No, sir, for the seventh guest, Mr Boddy."
• (Madeline Kahn) "I thought Mr. Boddy was our host."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "So did I."
• (Madeline Kahn) "So, who is our host Mr. Wadsworth?"

• (Wadsworth) "I suggest we take the cook's body into the study."
• (Martin Mull) "Why?"
• (Wadsworth) "I'm the butler, I like to keep the kitchen tidy."

• (Martin Mull) "Why are you screaming?"
• (Michael McKean) "Because I'm frightened."
• (Martin Mull) "Of what?"
• (Michael McKean) "Screaming."

• (Martin Mull) "Wadsworth, am I right in thinking there's nobody else in this house?"
• (Wadsworth) "Um -- no."
• (Martin Mull) "Then there is someone else in this house?"
• (Wadsworth) "Sorry, I said "no" meaning "yes.""
• (Martin Mull) ""No" meaning "yes?" Look, I want a straight answer, is there someone else, or isn't there, yes, or no?"
• (Wadsworth) "No."
• (Martin Mull) "No there is, or no there isn't?"
• (Wadsworth) "Yes."
• (Madeline Kahn) "PLEASE."

• (Martin Mull) "This is war, Peacock. Casualties are inevitable. You can not make an omelet without breaking eggs, every cook will tell you that."
• (Eileen Brennan) "But look what happened to the cook."

Christopher Lloyd as Professor Plum

• (Wadsworth) "Professor Plum, you were once a professor of psychiatry specializing in helping paranoid and homicidal lunatics suffering from delusions of grandeur."
• (Christopher Lloyd) "Yes, but now I work for the United Nations."
• (Wadsworth) "So your work has not changed."

• (Christopher Lloyd) "What is your top-secret job, Colonel?"
• (Wadsworth) "I can tell you. He's working on the secret of the next fusion bomb."
• (Martin Mull) "How did you know that?"
• (Wadsworth) "Can you keep a secret?"
• (Martin Mull) "Yes --"
• (Wadsworth) "So can I."

• (Wadsworth) "The key is gone."
• (Christopher Lloyd) "Never mind about the key, unlock the door."
• (Michael McKean) "I CAN'T UNLOCK THE DOOR WITHOUT THE KEY."
• (Michael McKean) "LET US IN. LET US IN."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "LET US OUT. LET US OUT."

• (Christopher Lloyd) "So it must've been Mr. Green who shot the singing telegram."
• (Michael McKean) "I didn't do it."
• (Martin Mull) "Well, there's nobody else left."
• (Michael McKean) "But I didn't do it. The gun is missing. Whoever's got the gun shot the girl."
• (Wadsworth) "I shot her."

• (Wadsworth) "I suggest we all draw lots for partners."
• (Wadsworth) "Ready? The two shortest together, the next two shortest together; agreed? And I suggest the shortest search the cellar and so on up."
• (Christopher Lloyd) "It's you and me, honey bunch."

• (Wadsworth) "Professor Plum, you were once a professor of psychiatry, specializing in helping paranoid and homicidal lunatics suffering from delusions of grandeur."
• (Christopher Lloyd) "Yes, but now I work for the United Nations."
• (Wadsworth) "Your work has not changed, but you don't practice medicine at the U.N.; his license to practice has been lifted, correct?"
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Why? What did he do?"
• (Wadsworth) "You know what doctors aren't allowed to do with their lady patients?"
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Yeah?"
• (Wadsworth) "Well, he did."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Ha."
• (Eileen Brennan) "Oh, how disgusting."

• (Christopher Lloyd) "Well, that just leaves Mr. Boddy."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "What's your little secret?"
• (Wadsworth) "His secret? Oh, haven't you guessed? He's the one who's blackmailing you."

• (Christopher Lloyd) "It must be the murderer."
• (Michael McKean) "Why would he scream?"

• (Christopher Lloyd) "And what was your role in all this?"
• (Wadsworth) "I was a victim, too. At least my wife was. She had friends who were"
• (Wadsworth) "Socialists."
• (Wadsworth) "Well, we all make mistakes."
• (Wadsworth) "But, Mr. Boddy threatened to give my wife's name to the House Un-American Activities Committee unless she named them. She refused, and so he blackmailed her. We had no money, and the price of his silence was that we worked for him for nothing. We were slaves. Well, to make a long story short --"
• (Martin Mull) "Too late."

• (Wadsworth) ""Ours is not to reason why, ours is but to do and die.""
• (Christopher Lloyd) "Die?"
• (Wadsworth) "Merely quoting, sir, from Alfred, Lord Tennyson."
• (Martin Mull) "Hm, I prefer Kipling, myself. "The female of the species is more deadly than the male." You like Kipling, Miss Scarlet?"
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Sure, I'll eat anything."

• (Christopher Lloyd) "It's you and me, honeybunch."

• (Christopher Lloyd) "Is there gonna be a cover up?"
• (Wadsworth) "Isn't that in the public interest? What could be gained by exposure?"
• (Christopher Lloyd) "But is the FBI in the habit of cleaning up after a multiple murder?"
• (Wadsworth) "Yes. Why do you think it's run by a man called Hoover?"

• (Christopher Lloyd) "Maybe he was poisoned."
• (Michael McKean) "Mrs. Peacock, please. Mrs. Peacock, it's alright. It's alright. We don't know anything. Sit-sit down, sit down, Mrs.-"
• (Michael McKean) "Well, I had to stop her from screaming."

• (Christopher Lloyd) "What a godforsaken place."
• (Wadsworth) "Professor Plum, and Miss Scarlet, I didn't realize you were acquainted."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "We weren't."

• (Christopher Lloyd) "What are you afraid of, a fate worse than death?"
• (Eileen Brennan) "No, just death, isn't that enough?"

Michael McKean as Mr. Green

• (Michael McKean) "You're Mr. Boddy."
• (Christopher Lloyd) "Wait a minute. So who did I kill?"
• (Wadsworth) "My butler."
• (Christopher Lloyd) "Oh, shucks."
• (Wadsworth) "He was expendable like all of you. I'm grateful to you all for disposing of my network of spies and informers. Saved me a lot of trouble. Now there's no evidence against me."

• (Wadsworth) "Sorry, didn't mean to frighten you."
• (Michael McKean) "You're a bit late for that. I hate it when he does that."
• (Madeline Kahn) "Ahhh."

• (Michael McKean) "I didn't do it."
• (Michael McKean) "Well, one of us did. We all had an opportunity. We all had a motive."

• (Michael McKean) "Now there's one thing I don't understand."
• (Christopher Lloyd) "One thing?"

• (Wadsworth) "And monkey's brains, though popular in Cantonese cuisine, are not often to be found in Washington D.C."
• (Michael McKean) "Is that what we ate?"

• (Michael McKean) "But this is ridiculous. If he were such a patriotic American, why didn't he just report us to the authorities?"
• (Wadsworth) "He decided to put his information to good use and make a little money out of it. What could be more American than that?"

• (Michael McKean) "I'm sorry. I'm afraid I'm a little bit accident-prone."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Ah, watch it."

• (Michael McKean) "and you'll just, just go on blackmailing us all?"
• (Wadsworth) "Of course. Why not?"
• (Michael McKean) "Well, I'll tell you why not."

• (Michael McKean) "Who would wanna kill the cook?"
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Dinner wasn't that bad."
• (Martin Mull) "How can you make jokes at a time like this?"
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "It's my defense mechanism."
• (Martin Mull) "Some defense. If I was the killer, I would kill you next."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Oh?"
• (Martin Mull) "I said, "if". If."

• (Michael McKean) "Was that necessary, Mrs. White?"

• (Wadsworth) "Three murders?"
• (Michael McKean) "Six altogether."
• (Wadsworth) "This is getting serious."

• (Wadsworth) "Look, we still have all of these weapons. The gun, the rope, the wrench, the lead pipe. Let's put them all in this cupboard and lock it."
• (Wadsworth) "There's a homicidal maniac about."
• (Michael McKean) "What are you doing with the key?"
• (Wadsworth) "Putting it in my pocket."
• (Michael McKean) "Why?"
• (Wadsworth) "Well, to keep it safe, obviously."
• (Eileen Brennan) "That means you can open it whenever you want."
• (Wadsworth) "But it also means that you can't."
• (Eileen Brennan) "Well, what if you're the murderer?"
• (Wadsworth) "I'm not."
• (Martin Mull) "But what if you are?"
• (Wadsworth) "Well, it's got to be put somewhere. If I've got it, I know I'm safe."
• (Eileen Brennan) "We don't know that we are."
• (Wadsworth) "I've an idea. We'll throw it away."
• (Martin Mull) "Good idea."
• (Michael McKean) "Good idea."
• (Colleen Camp) "Wonderful."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Brilliant."
• (Christopher Lloyd) "That'll do it."

• (Michael McKean) "They all did it. But if you wanna know who killed Mr. Boddy, I did. In the hall. With the revolver. Okay, Chief, take 'em away. I'm gonna go home and sleep with my wife."

• (Wadsworth) "You see? Like the Mounties, we always get our man."
• (Michael McKean) "Mrs. Peacock was a man?"

• (Michael McKean) "I have nothing to hide. I didn't do it."

• (Michael McKean) "So, how did you know Colonel Mustard works in Washington? Is he one of your clients?"
• (Martin Mull) "Certainly not."
• (Michael McKean) "I was asking Miss Scarlet."
• (Martin Mull) "Well, you tell him it's not true."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "It's not true."
• (Christopher Lloyd) "Is that true?"
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "No, it's not true."
• (Michael McKean) "Ah ha. So it is true."
• (Wadsworth) "A double negative."
• (Martin Mull) "A double negative?"
• (Martin Mull) "You mean you have photographs?"
• (Wadsworth) "That sounds like a confession to me. In fact the double negative has led to proof positive. I'm afraid you gave yourself away."
• (Martin Mull) "Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?"
• (Wadsworth) "You don't need any help from me, sir."
• (Martin Mull) "That's right."

• (Michael McKean) "Will you stop that?"
• (Wadsworth) "No."

• (Michael McKean) "He couldn't have been dead."
• (Christopher Lloyd) "He was. At least I thought he was, but what difference does it make now?"
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Makes quite a difference to him."

• (Michael McKean) "So it was you. I was going to expose you."
• (Wadsworth) "I know. So I choose to expose myself."
• (Martin Mull) "Please, there are ladies present."

• (Michael McKean) "Well, where is he?"

Lesley Ann Warren as Miss Scarlet

• (Lesley Ann Warren) "What's this, Wadsworth?"
• (Wadsworth) "I'm afraid those are the negatives to which Colonel Mustard earlier referred."
• (Martin Mull) "Oh my God."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Were you planning to blackmail him, Wadsworth?"
• (Wadsworth) "Certainly not. I detained them for the colonel and I was going to give them back as soon as Mr. Boddy was unmasked."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Mm, very pretty. Would you like to see these, Yvette, they might shock you."
• (Colleen Camp) "No, merci. I am a lady."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Oh, how do you know what kind of pictures they are if you're such a lay-dee?"
• (Christopher Lloyd) "What sort of pictures are they?"
• (Martin Mull) "They are my pictures and I'd like them back, please."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "No, I'm afraid there's something in them that concerns me, too."
• (Christopher Lloyd) "Let me see."
• (Madeline Kahn) "Oh no, nobody can get into that position."
• (Christopher Lloyd) "Sure they can. Let me show you."
• (Madeline Kahn) "Get off me."

• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Why?"
• (Wadsworth) "To create confusion."
• (Eileen Brennan) "It worked."

• (Lesley Ann Warren) "It should be just off there."
• (Christopher Lloyd) "That must be it."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Why has the car stopped?"
• (Christopher Lloyd) "It's frightened."

• (Wadsworth) "-- and we all revealed that you had a letter and you had a letter and you had a letter and --"
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Get on with it."

• (Wadsworth) "No."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "No?"
• (Wadsworth) "No."

• (Wadsworth) "Well, one of us did. We all had the opportunity, we all had a motive."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Great. We'll all go to the chair."

• (Wadsworth) "-- and to make a long story short --"
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Too late."

• (Wadsworth) "Mrs. White, you've been paying our friend, the blackmailer, ever since your husband died under, shall we say, mysterious circumstances?"
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Ah."
• (Madeline Kahn) "Why is that funny?"
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "I see. That's why he was lying on his back, in his coffin."
• (Madeline Kahn) "I didn't kill him."
• (Martin Mull) "Then why are you paying the blackmailer?"
• (Madeline Kahn) "I dont want a scandal, do I? We had had a very humiliating public confrontation. He was deranged. He was"
• (Madeline Kahn) "a lunatic. He didn't actually seem to like me very much; he had threatened to kill me in public."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Why would he wanna kill you in public?"
• (Wadsworth) "I think she meant he threatened, in public, to kill her."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Oh. Was that his final word on the matter?"
• (Madeline Kahn) "Being killed is pretty final, wouldn't you say?"
• (Wadsworth) "And yet, he was the one who died, not you, Mrs. White, not you."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "What did he do for a living?"
• (Madeline Kahn) "He was a scientist, nuclear physics."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "What was he like?"
• (Madeline Kahn) "He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man. I mean, I'm afraid it came as a great shock to hime when he died, but, he was found dead at home. His head had been cut off, and so had his, uh -- you know."
• (Madeline Kahn) "I had been out all evening at the movies."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Do you miss him?"
• (Madeline Kahn) "Well, it's a matter of life after death. Now that he's dead, I have a life."
• (Wadsworth) "But, he was your second husband. Your first husband also disappeared."
• (Madeline Kahn) "But that was his job. He was an illusionist."
• (Wadsworth) "But he never reappeared."
• (Madeline Kahn) "He wasn't a very good illusionist."

• (Lesley Ann Warren) "What about that motorist? What kind of information did he have?"
• (Martin Mull) "He was my driver during the war."
• (Wadsworth) "And what was he holding over you?"
• (Martin Mull) "He knew that I was a war profiteer. I stole essential Air Force radio parts, and I sold them on the black market. That is how I made all my money. But that does not make me a murderer."
• (Eileen Brennan) "Well, a lot of our airmen died, because their radios didn't work."

• (Wadsworth) "Miss Scarlet seized the opportunity, and under cover of darkness, got to the library, where she hit the cop whom she'd been bribing on the head with the lead pipe. True or false?"
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "True. Who are you, Perry Mason?"

• (Lesley Ann Warren) "I enjoy getting presents from strange men."

• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Maybe there is life after death."
• (Madeline Kahn) "Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage."

Madeline Kahn as Mrs. White

• (Wadsworth) "Do come in, Madam. You are expected."
• (Madeline Kahn) "Do you know who I am?"
• (Wadsworth) "Only that you are to be known as Mrs. White."
• (Madeline Kahn) "Yes. It said so in the letter. But why?"

• (Wadsworth) "You were jealous that your husband was schtupping Yvette. That's why you killed him, too."
• (Madeline Kahn) "Yes. Yes, I did it. I killed Yvette. I hated her, so much --"
• (Madeline Kahn) "it-it- the f; it -flam; flames. Flames, on the side of my face, breathing-breathl- heaving breaths. Heaving breaths -- Heathing --"

• (Madeline Kahn) "Nobody can get into that position."
• (Christopher Lloyd) "Sure they can. Let me show you."
• (Madeline Kahn) "Get off me."

• (Madeline Kahn) "Are you a cop?"
• (Michael McKean) "No, I'm a plant."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "A plant? I thought men like you were usually called a fruit."
• (Michael McKean) "Very funny. FBI. That phone call from J. Edgar Hoover was for me."
• (Michael McKean) "Told you I didn't do it."

• (Wadsworth) "You recognized Yvette, didn't you? Don't deny it."
• (Madeline Kahn) "What do you mean, "Don't deny it"? I'm not denying anything."
• (Wadsworth) "Another denial."
• (Madeline Kahn) "Thhbbtt."

• (Madeline Kahn) "Well, I am willing to believe you. I, too, am being blackmailed for something I didn't do."
• (Michael McKean) "Me too."
• (Martin Mull) "And me."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Not me."
• (Wadsworth) "You're not being blackmailed?"
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Oh, I'm being blackmailed all right, but I did what I'm being blackmailed for."
• (Michael McKean) "What did you do?"
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Well, to be perfectly frank, I run a specialized hotel and a telephone service which provides gentlemen with the company of a young lady, for a short while."
• (Christopher Lloyd) "Oh yeah?"
• (Christopher Lloyd) "What's the phone number?"

• (Madeline Kahn) "You've got blood on your hands."
• (Michael McKean) "I DIDN'T DO IT."

• (Madeline Kahn) "How did you get in?"
• (Michael McKean) "The door was locked."
• (Madeline Kahn) "It's a great trick."

• (Madeline Kahn) "Oh, you're a doctor?"
• (Christopher Lloyd) "I am, but I don't practice."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Practice makes perfect. Ha. I think most men need a little practice, don't you Mrs. Peacock?"

• (Madeline Kahn) "Oh my. Nobody can get into THAT position."
• (Christopher Lloyd) "Sure they can. Let me show you."
• (Madeline Kahn) "Get off me."

• (Wadsworth) "Well, what now?"
• (Madeline Kahn) "Wadsworth, let me out."
• (Wadsworth) "No."
• (Madeline Kahn) "Why not?"
• (Wadsworth) "We've gotta know who did it. We're all in this together now."
• (Eileen Brennan) "If you leave, I'll say that you killed them both."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Me too."
• (Michael McKean) "Me too."
• (Martin Mull) "Me too."
• (Madeline Kahn) "Oh, Wadsworth, I'll make you sorry you ever started this."
• (Madeline Kahn) "One day, when we're alone together --"
• (Wadsworth) "Mrs. White, no man in his right mind would be alone together with you."
• (Madeline Kahn) "Oh."

• (Madeline Kahn) "So what do you do, Professor?"
• (Christopher Lloyd) "I work for UNO, the United Nations Organization."
• (Martin Mull) "Another politician. Jesus."
• (Christopher Lloyd) "No, I work for a branch of UNO. W.H.O., the World Health Organization."

• (Madeline Kahn) "PLEASE. Don't you think we should get that man out of the house before he finds out what's been going on here."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Yeah."
• (Christopher Lloyd) "How can we throw him outside in this weather?"
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "If we let him stay in the house, he may get suspicious."
• (Christopher Lloyd) "If we throw him out, he may get even more suspicious."
• (Martin Mull) "If I were him, I'd be suspicious already."
• (Eileen Brennan) "Oh, who cares? That guy doesn't matter. Let him stay locked up for another half an hour. The police will be here by then -- and there are two dead bodies in the study."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Shhhhhhhhhhh."

• (Madeline Kahn) "You say you are used to being a hostess as part of your husband's work?"
• (Eileen Brennan) "Yes, it's an integral part of your life when you are the wife of a -- Oh, but then I forgot, we're not supposed to say who we really are, though, heavens to Betsy, I don't know why."
• (Martin Mull) "Don't you?"
• (Michael McKean) "I know who you are."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Aren't you gonna tell us?"
• (Eileen Brennan) "How do you know who I am?"
• (Michael McKean) "I work in Washington, too."
• (Christopher Lloyd) "Washington? So you're a politician's wife?"
• (Eileen Brennan) "Yes, I-I am."
• (Martin Mull) "Well, come on then, who's your husband?"

Will Nye as Cop

• (Will Nye) "You all seem to be very anxious about something."
• (Wadsworth) "It's the chandelier. It fell down, almost killed us."

• (Will Nye) "Ah, would you hold on, please?"
• (Will Nye) "Let me outta here. Let me outta here. You have no right to shut me in. I'll book you for false arrest, and wrongful imprisonment, and obstructing an officer in the course of his duty -- and MURDER."
• (Wadsworth) "What do you mean -- murder?"
• (Will Nye) "I just said it so you would open the door."
• (Will Nye) "What's going on around here? And why would you lock me in? And why are you receiving phone calls from J. Edgar Hoover?"
• (Wadsworth) "J. Edgar Hoover?"
• (Will Nye) "That's right. The head of the Federal Bureau of Investigation."
• (Martin Mull) "Why is J. Edgar Hoover on your phone?"
• (Wadsworth) "I don't know, he's on everybody else's, why shouldn't he be on mine?"

• (Will Nye) "Uh, can I come in and use your phone?"
• (Wadsworth) "Of course you may, sir. You may use the one in the, um -- no. Uh, you could use the one in the stud -- no. Uh, uh, would you be kind enough to wait in the, um, in-in the, um, uh library?"

• (Wadsworth) "I can explain everything."
• (Will Nye) "You don't have to."
• (Wadsworth) "I don't?"
• (Will Nye) "Don't worry, there's nothing illegal about any of this."
• (Wadsworth) "Are you sure?"
• (Will Nye) "Of course, this is America."
• (Wadsworth) "I see."
• (Will Nye) "It's a free country, don't you know that?"
• (Wadsworth) "I didn't know it was that free."

• (Will Nye) "This man's drunk. Dead drunk."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Dead right."
• (Will Nye) "You're not gonna drive home, are you?"
• (Christopher Lloyd) "He won't be driving home, officer, I promise you that."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "No."
• (Will Nye) "Somebody will give him a lift, huh?"
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Oh, we'll- we'll- we'll get him a car."
• (Christopher Lloyd) "A long black car."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "A limousine."

• (Will Nye) "What's going on in those two rooms?"
• (Michael McKean) "Uhh -- which two rooms?"
• (Will Nye) "Those two rooms."
• (Michael McKean) "Ohhh, those two rooms."
• (Will Nye) "Yes."
• (Michael McKean) "Ahh -- well. Officer. I don't think you should go in there."
• (Will Nye) "Why not?"
• (Michael McKean) "Uhh -- Because it's all too shocking."

Eileen Brennan as Mrs. Peacock

• (Eileen Brennan) "What are you all staring at?"
• (Michael McKean) "Nothing."
• (Eileen Brennan) "Well who's there?"
• (Martin Mull) "Nobody."
• (Eileen Brennan) "What do you mean?"
• (Wadsworth) "Nobody. No body, that's what we mean. Mr. Boddy's body, it's gone."
• (Madeline Kahn) "Maybe he wasn't dead."
• (Christopher Lloyd) "He was."
• (Madeline Kahn) "We should've made sure."
• (Eileen Brennan) "How?"
• (Eileen Brennan) "By cutting his head off, I suppose."
• (Madeline Kahn) "That was uncalled for."

• (Eileen Brennan) "Oh, who ever it is, they gotta go away or they'll be killed."

• (Wadsworth) "Ladies and gentlemen, you all have one thing in common: you're all being blackmailed. For some considerable time, all of you have been paying what you can afford, and in some cases more than you can afford, to someone who threatens to expose you. And none of you know who's blackmailing you. Do you?"
• (Eileen Brennan) "Oh, please. I've never heard anything so ridiculous. I mean, nobody could blackmail me. My life is an open book. I've never done anything wrong."
• (Wadsworth) "Anybody else wish to deny it?"

• (Eileen Brennan) "Argh. Don't you touch me."

• (The Chief) "Good evening. Have you ever given any thought to the kingdom of heaven?"
• (Eileen Brennan) "What?"
• (The Chief) "Repent. The kingdom of heaven is at hand."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "You ain't just whistlin' Dixie."
• (The Chief) "Armageddon is almost upon us."
• (Christopher Lloyd) "I got news for you; it's already here."
• (Eileen Brennan) "Go away."
• (The Chief) "But your souls are in danger."
• (Eileen Brennan) "Our lives our in danger, you beatnik."

• (Eileen Brennan) "So, what do you do in Washington D.C., Mr. Green? Come on. What do you do? I mean, how are we to get acquainted if we don't say anything about ourselves."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Perhaps he doesn't wanna get acquainted with you."
• (Eileen Brennan) "Well, I'm sure I don't know. But if I wasn't trying to keep the conversation going, then we would just be sitting here in an embarrassed silence."
• (Christopher Lloyd) "Are you afraid of silence, Mrs. Peacock?"
• (Eileen Brennan) "Yes-What? No. Why?"
• (Christopher Lloyd) "Well, it just seems to me that you are. You seem to suffer from what we call "Pressure of Speech"."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) ""We"? Who's we? Are you a shrink?"
• (Christopher Lloyd) "I do know a little bit about psychological medicine, yes."

• (Eileen Brennan) "Uh, is there a little girl's room in the hall?"
• (Colleen Camp) "Oui oui, Madame."
• (Eileen Brennan) "No, I just wanna powder my nose."

• (Eileen Brennan) "So, what does your husband do?"
• (Madeline Kahn) "Nothing."
• (Eileen Brennan) "Nothing?"
• (Madeline Kahn) "Well, he just lies around on his back all day."
• (Lesley Ann Warren) "Sounds like hard work to me."

• (Eileen Brennan) "Well, someone's got to break the ice, and it might as well be me. I mean, I'm used to being a hostess, it's part of my husband's work. And it's always difficult when a group of new friends meet together for the first time, to get acquainted. So I'm perfectly prepared to start the ball rolling. I mean, I-I have absolutely no idea what we're doing here. Or what I'm doing here, or what this place is about, but I am determined to enjoy myself. And I'm very intrigued, and, oh my, this soup's delicious, isn't it?"

• (Eileen Brennan) "Oh, my God."
• (Wadsworth) "She's going to faint."
• (Christopher Lloyd) "Somebody catch her."
• (Wadsworth) "I'll catch you. Fall into my arms."
• (Wadsworth) "Sorry."

Lee Ving as Mr. Boddy

• (Lee Ving) "You lockin' me in? I'll take the key."
• (Wadsworth) "Over my dead body, sir."

Jane Wiedlin as The singing Telegram girl

• (Jane Wiedlin) "Da da da da da da. I, am, your singing telegram --."

Kellye Nakahara as Mrs. Ho

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Colleen Camp as Yvette

• (Unnamed) "Shut the door. Did anyone recognize you?"
• (Colleen Camp) "They must have, and not just my face. They know every inch of my body. And they're not the only ones."
• (Colleen Camp) "It's you."

• (Wadsworth) "Is everything ready?"
• (Colleen Camp) "Oui, Monsieur."
• (Wadsworth) "You have your, um, instructions."

• (Colleen Camp) "But it is dark upstairs and I am frightened of the dark. Will anyone go with me?"
• (Christopher Lloyd) "I will."
• (Martin Mull) "I will."
• (Michael McKean) "No, thank you."

Jeffrey Kramer as The Motorist

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change and want to let us know, please fill in the form below. Include the time in the film/video if possible so we can find it.