Heathers Quotes

Heathers is a TV program that appeared on TV in 1970 . Heathers ended in 1970.

It features Denise Di Novi as producer, David Newman (composer) in charge of musical score, and Francis Kenny as head of cinematography.

Heathers is distributed by New World Pictures.

The cast includes: Winona Ryder as Veronica Sawyer, Kim Walker as Heather Chandler, Christian Slater as J.D., Shannen Doherty as Heather Duke, Winona Ryder as Veronica's Dad, Patrick Labyorteaux as Ram Sweeney, Lance Fenton as Kurt Kelly, Lisanne Falk as Heather McNamara, Penelope Milford as Pauline Fleming, Carrie Lynn as Martha 'Dumptruck' Dunnstock, Glenn Shadix as Father Ripper, Jeremy Applegate as Peter, Renée Estevez as Betty Finn, and Penelope Milford as 2nd Heavy Metaller in Parking Lot.

Heathers Quotes

Winona Ryder as Veronica Sawyer

• (Winona Ryder) "This isn't just a spoke in my menstrual cycle."

• (Winona Ryder) "If you were happy everyday of your life you wouldn't be a human being, you'd be a game show host."

• (Winona Ryder) "Hey, Martha. My date for the prom kinda flaked out on me. I was wondering, If you weren't doing anything that night, maybe we could rent some new releases and pop some popcorn."
• (Carrie Lynn) "I'd like that."
• (Winona Ryder) "Yeah. Me too."

• (Winona Ryder) "All we want is to be treated like human beings, not to be experimented on like guinea pigs or patronized like bunny rabbits."
• (Winona Ryder) "I don't patronize bunny rabbits."

• (Winona Ryder) "You're a rebel? You think you're a rebel? You're not a rebel you're f***ing psychotic."
• (Christian Slater) "You say 'toh-may-toe', I say 'toe-mah-toh."

• (Winona Ryder) "If you think I'm doing another suicide note you're wrong."
• (Christian Slater) "You don't get it do you? Society nods its head at any horror the American teenager can think upon itself. Nobody is going to care about exact handwriting."

• (Winona Ryder) "Will someone tell me why I smoke these damn things?"
• (Winona Ryder) "Because you're an idiot."
• (Winona Ryder) "Oh yeah, that's it."

• (Winona Ryder) "Hello, Heather."
• (Kim Walker) "Veronica. Finally. I got a note of Kurt Kelly's. I need you to forge a hot and horny but realistically low-key note in Kurt's handwriting, and we'll slip it onto Martha Dumptruck's lunch tray."
• (Winona Ryder) "s***, Heather, I don't have anything against Martha Dunnstock."
• (Kim Walker) "You don't have anything for her either. Come on, it'll be very. The note'll give her shower-nozzle masturbation material for weeks."
• (Winona Ryder) "I'll think about it."
• (Kim Walker) "Don't think."

• (Winona Ryder) "Betty Finn was a true friend and I sold her out for a bunch of Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads. Killing Heather would be like offing the wicked witch of the west -- wait east. West. God. I sound like a f***ing psycho."

• (Winona Ryder) "That knife is filthy."
• (Christian Slater) "What do you think I'm going to do with it, take out her tonsils?"
• (Winona Ryder) "Excuse me, I think I know Heather a little bit better than you do. If she were going to slit her wrists, the knife would be spotless."

• (Winona Ryder) "What is your damage, Heather?"

• (Winona Ryder) "What's the up-chuck factor on that?"

• (Winona Ryder) "You know what I want?"
• (Winona Ryder) "Cool guys like you out of my life."

• (Winona Ryder) "It's one thing to want someone out of your life, but it's another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of liquid drainer."

• (Winona Ryder) "Dear Diary, my teen-angst bulls*** now has a body count."

• (Winona Ryder) "So, what's the question?"
• (Shannen Doherty) "Yeah, so what's the question, Heather?"
• (Kim Walker) "god****, Heather, you were with me in study hall when I thought of it."
• (Shannen Doherty) "I forgot."
• (Kim Walker) "Ugh -- such a pillowcase."

• (Winona Ryder) "If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?"
• (Heather McNamara the Cheerleader) "Probably."

• (Winona Ryder) "Tomorrow, I'll be kissing her aerobicized ass, but tonight, let me dream of a world without Heather, a world where I am free."

• (Winona Ryder) "Suicide gave Heather depth, Kurt a soul, and Ram a brain. I don't know what it's given me, but I have no control over myself when I'm with J.D. Are we going to prom or to hell?"

• (Winona Ryder) "What the f***?"
• (Rodney) "Ok, now I rarely listen to Neanderthals like Kurt Kelly but he said that he and Ram had a nice little sword fight in your mouth last night."
• (Winona Ryder) "Ew. That son of a bitch."

• (Winona Ryder) "Watch it Heather, you might be digesting food there."
• (Lisanne Falk) "Yeah, where's your urge to purge?"
• (Shannen Doherty) "f*** it."

• (Courtney) "If I got that money, I'd give it all to the homeless. Every cent."
• (Winona Ryder) "You're beautiful."

• (Winona Ryder) "My parents wanted to move me into high school out of the sixth grade, but we decided to chuck the idea because I'd have trouble making friends, blah, blah, blah. Now blah, blah, blah is all I ever do. I use my grand IQ to decide what color lip gloss to wear in the morning and how to hit three keggers before curfew --"

• (Winona Ryder) "Dear Diary: Heather told me she teaches people "real life." She said, real life sucks losers dry. You want to f*** with the eagles, you have to learn to fly. I said, so, you teach people how to spread their wings and fly? She said, yes. I said, you're beautiful."

• (Winona Ryder) "If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be a human being. You'd be a game-show host."

• (Winona Ryder) "Get a job."

• (Winona Ryder) "Heather, why can't you just be a friend? Why do you have to be such a mega-bitch?"
• (Shannen Doherty) "Because I can be."

• (Winona Ryder) "This may seem like a really stupid question --"
• (Christian Slater) "There are no stupid questions."
• (Winona Ryder) "You inherit 5 million dollars the same day aliens land on the earth and say they're going to blow it up in 2 days. What do you do?"
• (Christian Slater) "That's the stupidest question I've ever heard."

• (Winona Ryder) "You know, I have a little prepared speech I tell my suitor when he wants more than I'd like to give him. Gee, blank, I had a really nice --"
• (Brad) "Save the speeches for Malcolm X, I just want to get laid."
• (Winona Ryder) "You don't deserve my f***ing speech."

• (Winona Ryder) "I say we just grow up, be adults and die."

• (Winona Ryder) "Heather, my love, there's a new sheriff in town."

• (Winona Ryder) "Hi, I'm sorry. Technically, I did not kill Heather Chandler, but hey who am I trying to kid, right? I just want my high school to be a nicer place. Amen. Did that sound bitchy?"

• (Winona Ryder) "Great pate, mom, but I gotta motor if I wanna be ready for that funeral."

• (Winona Ryder) "She's my best friend. God, I hate her."

• (Dennis) "Take a look. We'll have a two page layout with her suicide note here in the right hand corner. It's more tasteful than it sounds."
• (Winona Ryder) "I don't know. This kind of thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth."
• (Courtney) "Like last night, Veronica?"

Lisanne Falk as Heather McNamara

• (Lisanne Falk) "God, aren't they fed yet? Do they even have Thanksgiving in Africa?"
• (Winona Ryder) "Oh, sure. Pilgrims, Indians -- Tator Tots. It's a real party continent."

• (Lisanne Falk) "Damn. It's your turn, Heather."

• (Lisanne Falk) "God had cursed me I think. The last guy I had sex with killed himself the next day. I'm failing math. I was supposed to be cheerleading captain --"
• (Winona Ryder) "She knows we listen to this show."
• (Shannen Doherty) "Ohmygod."
• (Shannen Doherty) "We'll crucify her."

• (Lisanne Falk) "It's your turn Heather."
• (Kim Walker) "No, Heather, it's Heather's turn. Heather?"
• (Shannen Doherty) "Sorry Heather."

• (Lisanne Falk) "God, they won't expel him, they'll just suspend him for a week or something."
• (Kim Walker) "He used a real gun. They should throw his ass in jail."
• (Winona Ryder) "No way. He used blanks. All J. D. really did was ruin two pairs of pants, maybe not even that. Can you bleach out urine stains?"

Kim Walker as Heather Chandler

• (Kim Walker) "They all want me as a friend or a f***. I'm worshiped at Westerburg and I'm only a junior."

• (Kim Walker) "Intense -- grow up. You think I'll drink it just because you call me chicken? Just gimmie the cup, jerk."

• (Kim Walker) "I shop, therefore I am."

• (Kim Walker) "You were nothing before you met me. You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn. You were a Bluebird. You were a Brownie. You were a Girl Scout Cookie."

• (Kim Walker) "Grow up Heather, bulimia's so '87."

• (Kim Walker) "Well, f*** me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Teresa?"

• (Kim Walker) "Corn Nuts."
• (Winona Ryder) "Plain or BQ?"
• (Kim Walker) "BQ."

• (Kim Walker) "You wanted to be a member of the most powerful clique in school. If I wasn't already the head of it, I'd want the same thing."

• (Kim Walker) "You blow it tonight, girl, and it's keggers with kids all next year."

• (Kim Walker) "You stupid f***."
• (Winona Ryder) "You god**** bitch."
• (Kim Walker) "I brought you to a Remington party and what's my thanks? It's on a hallway carpet. I got paid in puke."
• (Winona Ryder) "Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up."

• (Kim Walker) "Is this turnout weak or what? I had at least 70 more people at my funeral."
• (Winona Ryder) "Heather?"
• (Kim Walker) "God, Veronica. My afterlife is so boring. I have to sing Kumbaya one more time --"
• (Winona Ryder) "What are you doing here?"
• (Kim Walker) "I made your favorite. Spaghetti. With lots of oregano. Dinner."

Shannen Doherty as Heather Duke

• (Shannen Doherty) "So what are you gonna do Heather? Take two shots or send me out?"
• (Kim Walker) "Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast? First you ask if you can be red, knowing that I'm always red."
• (Shannen Doherty) "s***."
• (Kim Walker) "It's your turn, Heather."

• (Shannen Doherty) "Hi, everybody. Door was open. Veronica, did you hear? We were doing Chinese at the food fair, when it comes over the radio that Martha Dumptruck tried to buy the farm. She belly-flopped in front of a car wearing a suicide note."
• (Winona Ryder) "Is she dead?"
• (Shannen Doherty) "No -- that's the punchline. She's alive, and in stable condition. Just another case of a geek trying to imitate the popular people and failing miserably."
• (Winona Ryder) "I said I was sorry."
• (Shannen Doherty) "You were out of control. I mean Heather and Kurt were a shock but Martha Dumptruck? Get crucial. She was dialing suicide hotlines in her diapers."
• (Winona Ryder) "Ugh -- shut-up, Hot Probs is on."

• (Shannen Doherty) "I prayed for the death of Heather Chandler many times and I felt bad everytime I did it but I kept doing it anyway. Now I know you understood everything. Praise Jesus, Hallelujah."

• (Shannen Doherty) "Some people need different kinds of convincing than others."

• (Shannen Doherty) "Veronica, can you come back here a minute?"
• (Winona Ryder) "A true friend's work is never done."
• (Kim Walker) "Gross."

• (Unnamed) "Did you hear? School's canceled today cause Kurt & Ram killed themselves in a repressed, homosexual, suicide pact."
• (Shannen Doherty) "No Way."

• (Shannen Doherty) "Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?"

Patrick Labyorteaux as Ram Sweeney

• (Patrick Labyorteaux) "Jesus God in Heaven, why'd you have to kill such hot snatch?"
• (Patrick Labyorteaux) "It's a joke man. Geez, people are so serious."
• (Patrick Labyorteaux) "Holy Mary who art in Heaven pray for us sinners -- so we don't get caught"
• (Patrick Labyorteaux) "Another joke."

• (Patrick Labyorteaux) "So, should I just whip it out, or?"

• (Patrick Labyorteaux) "Let's kick his ass."
• (Lance Fenton) "s*** man, we're seniors now man. We're too old for that kind of s***."
• (Lance Fenton) "Let's give him a good scare though."

Christian Slater as J.D.

• (Christian Slater) "Um -- 'to me, though, suicide is the natural answer to the myriad of problems life has given me'."
• (Winona Ryder) "That's good but Heather would never use the word myriad."
• (Christian Slater) "This is the last thing she'll ever write; she'll want to use as many 50-cent words as possible."
• (Winona Ryder) "She missed 'myriad' on the vocab test two weeks ago."
• (Christian Slater) "That only proves my point more. The word is a badge for her failures at school."

• (Christian Slater) "The extreme always seems to make an impression."

• (Christian Slater) "Let's pretend I blew up the school -- all the schools. Now that you're dead, what are you gonna do with your life?"

• (Christian Slater) "The only place different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven."

• (Christian Slater) "Your society nods its head at any horror the American teenager can think to bring upon itself."

• (Christian Slater) "What are we gonna tell the cops? "f*** it if she can't take a joke, Sarge"."
• (Winona Ryder) "The cops? This is my life. Oh, my God. I'll have to send my S.A.T. scores to San Quentin instead of Stanford."

• (Christian Slater) "Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling"

• (Christian Slater) "I'm a no-rust-build-up man, myself."

• (Christian Slater) "Football season is over, Veronica. Kurt and Ram had nothing left to offer the school except date rapes and AIDS jokes."

• (Christian Slater) "Is your life perfect?"
• (Winona Ryder) "I'm on my way to a party at Remington University -- No, my life's not perfect. I don't really like my friends."
• (Christian Slater) "I -- I don't really like your friends either."
• (Winona Ryder) "Well, it's just like; they're people I work with, and our job is being popular and s***."
• (Christian Slater) "Maybe it's time to take a vacation."

• (Christian Slater) "Well, ah -- Let's take a look at some of the homosexual artifacts I dug up to plant at the scene."
• (Christian Slater) "All right. Got an issue of "Stud Puppy.""
• (Winona Ryder) "Great."
• (Christian Slater) "Candy dish. Joan Crawford postcard. Let's see, some mascara. All right. And here's the one perfecto thing I picked up. Mineral water."
• (Winona Ryder) "Oh, come on, a lot of people drink mineral water, it's come a long way."
• (Christian Slater) "Yeah, but this is Ohio. I mean, if you don't have a brewski in your hand you might as well be wearing a dress."
• (Winona Ryder) "Oh, you're so smart."

• (Christian Slater) "Es-ki-mo --"

• (Kurt's Dad) "My son's a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son."
• (Christian Slater) "Wonder how he'd react if his son had a limp wrist with a pulse."

• (Christian Slater) "I knew that loose was too noose -- uh -- noose too loose --"

• (Shannen Doherty) "Me and Martha Dumptruck? Where did you get this?"
• (Christian Slater) "I just had the nicest little chat with Ms. Dumptruck. Got along famously. It's kind of scary that everyone's got a little story to tell. You wanna see the canoeing shots?"
• (Shannen Doherty) "What is this? Blackmail?"
• (Shannen Doherty) "I'll give you a week's lunch money."
• (Christian Slater) "I don't want your money. I want your strength. Westerburg does not need mushy togetherness. It needs a strong leader. Heather Chandler was that leader but --"
• (Shannen Doherty) "But she couldn't handle it."
• (Christian Slater) "I think you can. Moby Dick is dunked. The white whale drank some bad plankton and splashed through a coffee table and now it's your turn to take the helm."
• (Shannen Doherty) "What about the photographs?"
• (Christian Slater) "Oh, don't worry. I'll ask you to do me a favor. That will be one you'll enjoy. Then you'll get the negatives and everything back then. But in the meantime -- strength. Here's a little gift. From Heather to Heather."

• (Christian Slater) "Seven schools in seven states and the only thing different is my locker combination."

• (Christian Slater) "I can't believe you did it. I was teasing. I loved you. Course, I was coming up here to kill ya --"

• (Christian Slater) "People will look at the ashes of Westerburg and say; "now there's a school that self-destructed, not because society didn't care, but because the school was society." Now that's deep."

• (Christian Slater) "Wanna go out tonight? Catch a movie? Miniature golf?"
• (Winona Ryder) "I was thinking more along the lines of slitting Heather Duke's wrists open, making it look like suicide."
• (Christian Slater) "Ah, now you're talking. I can be up for that. I've already started underlining meaningful passages in her copy of Moby Dick, if you know what I mean."

• (Christian Slater) "Mmm. I thank you. That was my first game of strip croquet."

Penelope Milford as 2nd Heavy Metaller in Parking Lot

• (Penelope Milford) "I think it's a good opportunity to share the -- feelings that this suicide has spurred in all of us. Now, who would like to begin?"
• (Female Stoner) "I heard it was really gnarly. She sucked down a bowl of multi-purpose deodorizing disinfectant, and then SMASH."
• (Penelope Milford) "Now Tracey, let's not rehash the coroner's report. Let's talk emotions."

• (Penelope Milford) "Whether to kill yourself or not is one of the most important decisions a teenager can make."

• (Penelope Milford) "You go to the zoo and you get a lion. Stick a remote control bomb up it's butt -- push the button on the bomb and you and the lion die like one."

Jeremy Applegate as Peter

• (Dennis) "I'm not belittleing the foodless fund, Peter, but we're talking teen suicide, here. I mean ask Alison; the number one song in America today is Teenage Suicide, Don't Do It by Big Fun. Jesus, man, Westerburg finally got one of these things and I'm not gonna blow it."
• (Jeremy Applegate) "Great, so Heather gets the front page and I get crammed in by the Taco Bell coupon."

• (Jeremy Applegate) "Dear Lord, please make sure this never happens to me because I don't think I could handle suicide. Fast, early acceptance into an Ivy League school and please let it be Harvard. Amen."

Renée Estevez as Betty Finn

• (Renée Estevez) "Nice guys finish last, I should know."

Lance Fenton as Kurt Kelly

• (Lance Fenton) "It'd be so righteous to be in a Veronica Sawyer/Heather Chandler sandwich. Punch it in, Ram."
• (Patrick Labyorteaux) "Oh, hell yes. I wanna set a Heather on my Johnson and just start spinnin' her around like a god**** pinwheel."

• (Lance Fenton) "When I get that feeling, I need sexual healing."
• (Winona Ryder) "Yeah, right, asshole."

Glenn Shadix as Father Ripper

• (Glenn Shadix) "We must pray the other teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio, know the name of that righteous dude who can solve their problems: it's Jesus Christ, and he's in the Book."

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