Cute and Witty Christmas Quotations

There are many, many quotes out on the internet about Christmas. However, not all of them are as cute and witty as these. I hope they help make your holidays a little bit better. Enjoy!

Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?
Tom Armstrong

Christmas is the Disneyfication of Christianity.
Don Cupitt

Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.
Anonymous

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.
Jerry Seinfeld

Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money.
Anonymous

Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year
P. J. O'Rourke

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present
Anonymous

Santa Claus wears a red suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair; must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?
Arlo Guthrie

There has been only one Christmas -- the rest are anniversaries.
W. J. Cameron

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
Garrison Keillor

The only real blind person at Christmas-time is he who has not Christmas in his heart.
Helen Keller

The fact that I have no remedy for the sorrows of the world is no reason for my accepting yours. It simply supports the strong possibility that yours is a fake.
Henry Louis Mencken

Even as an adult I find it difficult to sleep on Christmas Eve. Yuletide excitement is potent caffeine, no matter your age.
Carrie Latet

There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them
P.J. O'Rourke