Funny Thanksgiving Quotes
Thanksgiving Day is the time when millions of people sit around the dinner table and stuff their guts with turkey and stuffing. Below are a few great funny quotes on what Thanksgiving is about and how it came to be.
An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.
Irv Kupcinet
The pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts... nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving.
H. W. Westermayer
On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence.
William Jennings Bryan
I love Thanksgiving turkey... it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Thanksgiving, man! Not a good day to be my pants.
Kevin James
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
Erma Bombeck
It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored withgourmetstatus.
Russell Baker
Coexistence... what the farmer does with the turkey - until Thanksgiving.
Mike Connolly
My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
Rita Rudner
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.
Jon Stewart
We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing.
George Carlin
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
Johnny Carson
What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
Erma Bombeck
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
George Bernard Shaw
Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.
P.J. O'Rourke
Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty (in France, by contrast, there are three such days: Hier, Aujourd'hui and Demain).
Michael Dresser
There are four unbroken rules when it comes to Thanksgiving: there must be turkey and dressing, cranberries, mashed potatoes, and pumpkin pie.
John Hadamuscin
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Phyllis Diller
Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow.
Edward Sandford Martin
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