Rachel Hansen: Just some guy she met at the gym with Brad Pitt's face and Jesus' abs.

Rachel Hansen: Quit being a pussy.

Rachel Hansen: You know, all my friends love you and think you're great. It's like they say, there's plenty of fish in the sea.
Tom: [Looks at a group of twelve year old girls who wave at him and giggle] Those aren't fish. They're guppies.

Summer: You weren't wrong, Tom. You were just wrong about me.

Tom: Darling...
[Summer looks up at him]
Tom: I don't know how to tell you this, but... there's a Chinese family in our bathroom.

Rachel Hansen: Tom, I know you think she was the one, but I don't. Next time you look back, I think you should look again.

Rachel Hansen: Better that you find this out now before you come home and find her in bed with Lars from Norway.
Tom: Who's Lars from Norway?
Rachel Hansen: He's some guy she met at the gym with Brad Pitt's face and Jesus' abs.

Summer: I woke up one morning and I just knew.
Tom: Knew what?
Summer: What I was never sure of with you.

Tom: She took a giant shit on my face. Literally.
Alison: Literally?
Tom: Well, no, not literally. That's disgusting.

Rachel Hansen: Just because she's likes the same bizzaro crap you do doesn't mean she's your soul mate.

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