Grumpier Old Men Quotes

Grumpier Old Men is a TV show that first aired in 1970 . Grumpier Old Men ended in 1970.

It features John Davis (producer) as producer, Alan Silvestri in charge of musical score, and Tak Fujimoto as head of cinematography.

Grumpier Old Men is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Grumpier Old Men is 101 minutes long. Grumpier Old Men is distributed by Warner Bros..

The cast includes: Jack Lemmon as John Gustafson, Daryl Hannah as Grandpa Gustafson, Burgess Meredith as Grandpa, Jack Lemmon as John, Daryl Hannah as Melanie, Ann Morgan Guilbert as Mama Ragetti, Walter Matthau as Max Goldman, Walter Matthau as Max, Sophia Loren as Maria, Kevin Pollak as Jacob Goldman, and Daryl Hannah as Ariel Gustafson.

Grumpier Old Men Quotes

Walter Matthau as Max Goldman

• (Walter Matthau) "You don't have the balls to take me on any more. Ariel's got you neutered."

• (Walter Matthau) "If I die today, I die a happy man."
• (Jack Lemmon) "You die today, I'm taking your motor."

• (Walter Matthau) "I knew your old man longer than I knew my own."
• (Jack Lemmon) "He was always very fond of you, Max."
• (Walter Matthau) "He was a good man."
• (Jack Lemmon) "The best."
• (Walter Matthau) "You know I didn't mean what I said about Melanie."
• (Jack Lemmon) "And you know how I really feel about Jacob."
• (Walter Matthau) "Yeah, well, he deserves to be happy."
• (Jack Lemmon) "He deserves Melanie."
• (Walter Matthau) "Hmmmm. Well, whaddya wanna do now?"
• (Jack Lemmon) "You wanna get drunk?"
• (Walter Matthau) "Yeah."

• (Walter Matthau) "I am the gangster of love"
• (Jack Lemmon) "Gangster, huh? So tell me, was it more of a hold up than a stick up?"
• (Walter Matthau) "Even your infantile penis jokes seem funny and witty this morning."

• (Walter Matthau) "Eat my shorts."

• (Walter Matthau) "If my dog was as ugly as you, I'd shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards."

• (Walter Matthau) "I got a cactus in my bathroom, but we got nothing to say to each other."

Burgess Meredith as Grandpa

• (Burgess Meredith) "What the -- what the hell is this?"
• (Jack Lemmon) "That's lite beer."
• (Burgess Meredith) "Gee, I weigh ninety god**** pounds, and you bring me this sloppin' foam?"
• (Jack Lemmon) "Ariel's got me on a diet because the doc said my cholestorol's a little too high."
• (Burgess Meredith) "Well let me tell you something now, Johnny. Last Thursday, I turned 95 years old. And I never exercised a day in my life. Every morning, I wake up, and I smoke a cigarette. And then I eat five strips of bacon. And for lunch, I eat a bacon sandwich. And for a midday snack?"
• (Jack Lemmon) "Bacon."
• (Burgess Meredith) "Bacon. A whole damn plate. And I usually drink my dinner. Now according to all of them flat-belly experts, I should've took a dirt nap like thirty years ago. But each year comes and goes, and I'm still here. Ha. And they keep dyin'. You know? Sometimes I wonder if God forgot about me. Just goes to show you, huh?"
• (Jack Lemmon) "What?"
• (Burgess Meredith) "Huh?"
• (Jack Lemmon) "Goes to show you what?"
• (Burgess Meredith) "Well it just goes -- what the hell are you talkin' about?"
• (Jack Lemmon) "Well you said you drink beer, you eat bacon and you smoke cigarettes, and you outlive most of the experts."
• (Burgess Meredith) "Yeah?"
• (Jack Lemmon) "I thought maybe there was a moral."
• (Burgess Meredith) "No, there ain't no moral. I just like that story. That's all. Like that story."

• (Burgess Meredith) "What's the matter, beautiful? You're meaner than a dog s***ting tacks."

• (Burgess Meredith) "Relax. Kids swallow quarters all the time."
• (Daryl Hannah) "Really?"
• (Burgess Meredith) "Sure. If she craps out two dimes and a nickel, then you can start worrying."

• (Burgess Meredith) "I'm done."
• (Jack Lemmon) "Pop, I really wish you'd try the low fat bacon --"
• (Burgess Meredith) "Well you can wish in one hand and crap in the other, and see which gets filled first."

• (Burgess Meredith) "How about you come back to my place and I'll show you my man-size canalloni."

Sophia Loren as Maria

• (Sophia Loren) "I look like a -- slut."
• (Daryl Hannah) "But a very nice slut."

• (Sophia Loren) "Ox"
• (Walter Matthau) "Nag"

Jack Lemmon as John Gustafson

• (Jack Lemmon) "I am going down and apologizing to Maria."
• (Walter Matthau) "You traitor, you Benedict Arnold."
• (Jack Lemmon) "Yeah, yeah."
• (Walter Matthau) "Finally. I didn't think he would last that long."
• (Walter Matthau) "Smells alright to me."

• (Jack Lemmon) "Here, drop anchor."
• (Walter Matthau) "You cut the anchor you dumb ass."
• (Jack Lemmon) "Alright, then grab the net."
• (Walter Matthau) "You cut that too you dick head."

• (Jack Lemmon) "Nobody slept with anybody.'"
• (Daryl Hannah) "Speak for yourself."

• (Jack Lemmon) "You won't even know I'm here."
• (Walter Matthau) "That's because you won't be here."

• (Jack Lemmon) "I'm cold."
• (Walter Matthau) "Here's some matches. Set yourself on fire."

• (Jack Lemmon) "This milk has chunks in it."
• (Walter Matthau) "What's your point?"

• (Jack Lemmon) "Pop, I wish you'd try the low-fat bacon."
• (Daryl Hannah) "Well, you can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which gets filled first."

Ann Morgan Guilbert as Mama Ragetti

• (Ann Morgan Guilbert) "We could have retired in Hawaii."
• (Daryl Hannah) "I have been to Hawaii."
• (Ann Morgan Guilbert) "Oh yeah? Which island?"
• (Daryl Hannah) "Come-on-I-wanna-lay-ya."
• (Ann Morgan Guilbert) "I find you disgusting."
• (Daryl Hannah) "Well, just as long as you find me."

• (Ann Morgan Guilbert) "I know my Maria, she wants nothing to do with that man"
• (Ann Morgan Guilbert) "."
• (Daryl Hannah) "Oh yeah, how would you know that?"
• (Ann Morgan Guilbert) "Because, she wants that man"
• (Ann Morgan Guilbert) "."

Kevin Pollak as Jacob Goldman

• (Kevin Pollak) "UGH. What are you feeding this dog?"
• (Walter Matthau) "Hormel Chili."
• (Kevin Pollak) "Whoo."
• (Walter Matthau) "He likes it."

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