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Funny Valentine's Day Poems: Love, Life, and Mistresses

Valentine's Day is one of my favorite holidays. That is, if I have someone to celebrate with. If not, then it can be pretty dreadful.

When I'm not with someone during this great holiday, I have to do whatever I can to not feel sad. Yeah, sure, friends and family can help, but usually they have their own thing to do.

Instead, I turn to laughter. Some funny quotes on Valentine's Day are excellent, but I also enjoy reading poetry.

Below are a few of my favorite funny poems for Valentine's Day. I hope you enjoy them as much as me.

Martyrdom
By 

I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for their religion -
I have shudder'd at it.
I shudder no more.
I could be martyr'd for my religion
Love is my religion 
And I could die for that.
I could die for you.
may i feel said he
By 

may i feel said he
(i'll squeal said she
just once said he)
it's fun said she
 
(may i touch said he
how much said she
a lot said he)
why not said she
 
(let's go said he
not too far said she
what's too far said he
where you are said she) 

may i stay said he
which way said she
like this said he
if you kiss said she

may i move said he
is it love said she)
if you're willing said he
(but you're killing said she

but it's life said he
but your wife said she
now said he)
ow said she

(tiptop said he
don't stop said she
oh no said he)
go slow said she
 
(cccome?said he
ummm said she)
you're divine!said he
(you are Mine said she)
Sonnet 130
By 

MY mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun	 
Coral is far more red than her lips' red:	 
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;	 
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.	 
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;	 
And in some perfumes is there more delight	 
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.	 
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know	 
That music hath a far more pleasing sound:
I grant I never saw a goddess go,-	 
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:	 
  And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare	 
  As any she belied with false compare.