Without a Paddle Quotes

Without a Paddle is a television program that debuted in 1970 . Without a Paddle ended its run in 1970.

It features Donald De Line as producer, Christophe Beck in charge of musical score, and Jonathan Brown as head of cinematography.

Without a Paddle is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Without a Paddle is 99 minutes long. Without a Paddle is distributed by Paramount Pictures.

The cast includes: Burt Reynolds as Del Knox, Dax Shepard as Tom Marshall, Matthew Lillard as Jerry Conlaine, Seth Green as Dan Mott, Rachel Blanchard as Flower, Bonnie Somerville as Denise, Abraham Benrubi as Dennis, Ethan Suplee as Elwood, and Christina Moore as Butterfly.

Without a Paddle Quotes

Seth Green as Dan Mott

• (Seth Green) "So happy right now."
• (Rachel Blanchard) "That was really -- really beautiful."
• (Rachel Blanchard) "Hmmm will you get the light hon'?"
• (Seth Green) "Oh -- yeah."
• (Rachel Blanchard) "You're so good at that now."

• (Seth Green) "Where are we?"
• (Matthew Lillard) "Corner of Bumf*** and You Got a Purty Mouth."

• (Seth Green) "Give 'em hell, Tommy"
• (Dax Shepard) "This Hellmart's open for business, and I'm slashing prices."

• (Seth Green) "You guys are spraying me."
• (Dax Shepard) "Give me a break. I'm writing your name."
• (Seth Green) "Stop it."

• (Seth Green) "This is exactly what you hear about when people go into the deep woods in the middle of the summertime. Aside from getting all sorts of diseases and things, they just wind up being the victims of some kind of unexpected man-rape."

• (Seth Green) "Mmm, bacon."
• (Burt Reynolds) "Squirrel."
• (Seth Green) "Mmm -- squirrel."

• (Seth Green) "Jerry, didn't you see that the river split on the map?"
• (Matthew Lillard) "I would have if your friend the big-ass bear hadn't eaten it."

• (Seth Green) "It crawled straight in my stomach."
• (Matthew Lillard) "Come on, let's go"
• (Seth Green) "I think it laid its eggs in my stomach."

• (Seth Green) "This trip is officially over. This is finished. Let's just go home."
• (Dax Shepard) "I agree. That is a great idea. All we've got to do is jump up over that 100-foot waterfall, swim upstream 20 miles, get the sheriff on the phone -- he liked us, I remember. And he'll send out a rescue boat. And -- hey, there's a beer in the river. Cool."

• (Seth Green) "I wouldn't be so jealous of me if I were you. Every day I develop some new and exciting phobia."
• (Matthew Lillard) "You're exaggerating again."
• (Seth Green) "I'm afraid of the dark, Jerry."
• (Matthew Lillard) "So? There's a lot of people that are afraid of the dark."
• (Seth Green) "I'm afraid of small spaces."
• (Matthew Lillard) "Again, not that abnormal."
• (Seth Green) "Cellophane."
• (Dax Shepard) "Like Saran Wrap?"
• (Matthew Lillard) "Yeah, you're alone on that one."
• (Seth Green) "I won't even keep it in the house anymore, because I'm afraid that somehow it'll get draped over my head and stick to my mouth and nose and I'll suffocate. How pathetic is that?"
• (Dax Shepard) "Very."

• (Seth Green) "Stop, drop, and roll."

• (Seth Green) "The only chance we have to survive is to huddle together for warmth --"
• (Matthew Lillard) "I, for one, choose death."

• (Seth Green) "Hey guys look. A wild deer. All out in the open like that."

• (Seth Green) "You know, things are as bad as they could possibly get."
• (Seth Green) "I stand corrected."

• (Seth Green) "I have responsibilities and -- I am a doctor now. I AM DOCTOR MOTT NOW."

• (Seth Green) "I'm out."
• (Matthew Lillard) "What does that mean?"
• (Dax Shepard) "I think it means he's out. Like coming out, like he's finally admitting he's gay."

• (Seth Green) "We are in serious trouble my friends. All data points to us being -- how do you human's say it? Completely screwed."
• (Seth Green) "yeah. You know, that is -- that's a good way to say it. That pretty much sums it up."
• (Seth Green) "As expected, Tom is -- drunk."

• (Seth Green) "What does the map say, Jerry?"
• (Matthew Lillard) "Oh, you know, it's a map."

• (Seth Green) "I'm very good at giving a back massage -- so if you wanna roll down those stockings I could give you one."
• (Rachel Blanchard) "Stockings?"
• (Seth Green) "Uh, leg warmers?"
• (Rachel Blanchard) "I'm all natural."
• (Seth Green) "Supernatural."

• (Seth Green) "I bet you a hundred grand and my left nut that all you catch in that river is a cold."
• (Dax Shepard) "You owe me a hundred grand AND the left nut."

Matthew Lillard as Jerry Conlaine

• (Matthew Lillard) "Well I was a boyscout. Tom, you were a boyscout, weren't you?"
• (Dax Shepard) "No, but I ate a brownie once."

• (Matthew Lillard) "No worries, no responsibilities, just living in the moment."

• (Matthew Lillard) "That bear loves you Dan-o."

• (Matthew Lillard) "Come on, Dan. It's like when we'd jump off the railroad bridge into the river when we were kids. That was -- higher than this --"
• (Seth Green) "But I never did jump in the river. You guys always pushed me when I wasn't looking."
• (Matthew Lillard) "Oh yea --"

• (Matthew Lillard) "Let's take Billy's trip."
• (Dax Shepard) "I say hell yes."

• (Matthew Lillard) "TREEEEEES."

• (Matthew Lillard) "Tom, it's getting big."
• (Dax Shepard) "No problem."
• (Matthew Lillard) "Like, really big."
• (Dax Shepard) "I'm in over my head."
• (Matthew Lillard) "What?"
• (Dax Shepard) "I'm in over my head."
• (Matthew Lillard) "Don't tell me that."

• (Matthew Lillard) "I about s***. Did you about s***?"
• (Dax Shepard) "I about s***."
• (Seth Green) "I did s***."
• (Matthew Lillard) "Oh s***."
• (Seth Green) "What? Oh, s***? Oh, s***. What? Oh, s***?"
• (Seth Green) "Oh, s***."

• (Matthew Lillard) "You guys, check out this map. It looks like Billy left us a treasure map."

• (Matthew Lillard) "When we get out of this someone's buying a round of drinks, not it."
• (Dax Shepard) "Not it."
• (Seth Green) "Is there beer in heaven?"
• (Matthew Lillard) "I was thinking more the bar in town."

• (Matthew Lillard) "Come back to bed, you guys. I'm freezing."
• (Dax Shepard) "Not until he puts Jabba back in his Hut."

• (Matthew Lillard) "How do you guys get supplies?"
• (Rachel Blanchard) "When we need supplies, we radio the Earthchild Support Network."
• (Matthew Lillard) "Radio? You guys have a radio ?"
• (Christina Moore) "Yeah. We haven't used it since that last big thunderstorm. Remember that Flower?"
• (Rachel Blanchard) "Oh my god. That thunderstorm was so spiritual. Earthchild's limbs were waving and heaving back and forth like she was dancing to the rhythm of the thunder. It was like, BAM. BAM. BAM. Full on -- fanatric -- orgasm."
• (Matthew Lillard) "So where is this radio?"
• (Seth Green) "Tree had an orgasm?"
• (Rachel Blanchard) "We danced naked in the storm all night."
• (Christina Moore) "And then held each other soaking wet until the morning. The rain is like a drug, it just makes you wanna --"
• (Seth Green) "What? Makes you wanna what?"

• (Matthew Lillard) "So this is Spirit River, we take that to Widowmaker Bend and then we hike to Devil's Staircase and that should lead us right to the top of Hellfire --"
• (Seth Green) "What's with all these satanic names? Isn't there, like, a Fluffy Bunny Way?"
• (Dax Shepard) "No -- but there's a Shut-Up-You-Big-Baby Ridge."

• (Matthew Lillard) "But you could've left. Why'd you stay up here all these years?"
• (Burt Reynolds) "Seemed like a good idea at the time. Know what I mean, kid?"
• (Matthew Lillard) "Yeah, I do."
• (Burt Reynolds) "Have you ever spent 30 years in a cabin?"
• (Matthew Lillard) "-- No."
• (Burt Reynolds) "Well, then you don't know what I mean."
• (Matthew Lillard) "I mean, metaphorically, I know what you mean."
• (Burt Reynolds) "Metaphorically, have you ever spent 30 years in a cabin?"
• (Matthew Lillard) "Uh; no."
• (Burt Reynolds) "Well then think before you talk."

• (Matthew Lillard) "I christen this, Duke the second."
• (River Guide) "Thanks for breaking glass where my kids play."

Burt Reynolds as Del Knox

• (Burt Reynolds) "Whatever it is you guy are looking for, you gotta go out there and get it right now."
• (Burt Reynolds) "Not right now you idiots."

• (Burt Reynolds) "You boys better get dressed faster 'cause I been up here alone for almost 30 years now."

• (Burt Reynolds) "I spent the best years of my life sittin' on the porch, playin' the harmonica, waitin' for somethin' better. And the years have been goin' by faster, and faster, and then, all of a sudden, I was an old man."
• (Dax Shepard) "Well I bet you can play the s*** outta that harmonica."
• (Burt Reynolds) "That I can. 'Cept there's no one around to hear me play it. Piece of advice: you can lose your money. You can spend it; all of it. Maybe work hard, get it all back. But if you waste your time, you're never gonna get it back."

• (Burt Reynolds) "Remember, carry your friends wherever you go."
• (Seth Green) "Close to your heart."
• (Burt Reynolds) "Or on your back. I got D.B's bones in my satchel. Thought I'd give 'em a proper burial. I spent 30 years waiting to have a life."

• (Burt Reynolds) "Come with me, or I'll shoot your testicles off and stuff 'em and mount 'em on my mantlepiece."
• (Dax Shepard) "That's gonna be an ugly mantlepiece."

Dax Shepard as Tom Marshall

• (Dax Shepard) "This never leaves the cave."

• (Dax Shepard) "I'm not an astronaut, I'm an American."

• (Dax Shepard) "Let's go through there."
• (Seth Green) "Where? There's no door."

• (Dax Shepard) "We'll shine them. It's an old Cherokee trick."
• (Matthew Lillard) "Oh, I forgot. The Cherokee have been using flashlights for thousands of years."
• (Seth Green) "Didn't they pioneer the D-cell battery?"

• (Dax Shepard) "So you're saying you lost the map? You don't have it?"
• (Matthew Lillard) "No, I'm saying I forgot to hold on to it while my ass was free-falling over a 100 foot waterfall"
• (Dax Shepard) "So you don't have it?"

• (Dax Shepard) "I will give you four cows for Denise's hand in marriage."

• (Dax Shepard) "Come on Dan, your the only one small enough to get through."
• (Matthew Lillard) "That's what she said."

• (Dax Shepard) "We'll shine them."
• (Matthew Lillard) "That would kill the fish."

• (Dax Shepard) "His forest name is 'Slug'."

• (Dax Shepard) "Is this Billy's funeral? Is that the corpse of Billy Newwood? Jer, is that you?"
• (Dax Shepard) "Are you with Dan? Where'd you guys park?"
• (Matthew Lillard) "TOM."

• (Dax Shepard) "It was like her eyes were trying to escape her head"

• (Dax Shepard) "Great mother of ganja."

• (Dax Shepard) "Stay calm. Get in the fetal position. It won't bother you if you're in the fetal position."
• (Dax Shepard) "Abort the fetal position. It's not working."

Abraham Benrubi as Dennis

• (Abraham Benrubi) "The hills have gone gay."

• (Abraham Benrubi) "Where the hell did they get all this poop?"

Bonnie Somerville as Denise

• (Bonnie Somerville) "I won't do it. I won't play the role of nagging girlfriend anymore."
• (Matthew Lillard) "Would nagging wife make you happier?"
• (Bonnie Somerville) "-- Please tell me that was not you proposing to me."

• (Bonnie Somerville) "Can you please be serious for 5 minutes?"
• (Matthew Lillard) "My record is 4 but I think I can do it."

Christina Moore as Butterfly

• (Christina Moore) "We've been up here for 287 beautiful days."

Ethan Suplee as Elwood

• (Ethan Suplee) "Those assholes are dead. D-E-A-D, dead. Assholes. A-S-S-H-O --"
• (Abraham Benrubi) "Stop spelling."

• (Ethan Suplee) "How you like me now? Huh? How you like me now, fishie? Oh, yeah, that's right you can't talk; cause you don't have a head."

Rachel Blanchard as Flower

• (Rachel Blanchard) "My name is Flower."
• (Christina Moore) "You may call me Butterfly."
• (Rachel Blanchard) "And if you're from the logging company you'll have to speak to our lawyers."
• (Dax Shepard) "If you look to your left you can totally see their downstairs."
• (Matthew Lillard) "Uh, we're not, we're not from the logging company."
• (Christina Moore) "Peace."
• (Seth Green) "H-hey. Peace."

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