When Harry Met Sally... Quotes

When Harry Met Sally... is a television show that was first aired in 1970 . When Harry Met Sally... completed its run in 1970.

It features Rob Reiner, Andrew Scheinman, and Nora Ephron as producer, Marc Shaiman, and Harry Connick Jr. in charge of musical score, and Barry Sonnenfeld as head of cinematography.

When Harry Met Sally... is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of When Harry Met Sally... is 96 minutes long. When Harry Met Sally... is distributed by Columbia Pictures.

The cast includes: Billy Crystal as Harry Burns, Meg Ryan as Sally Albright, Bruno Kirby as Jess, Carrie Fisher as Marie, Meg Ryan as Sally, and Billy Crystal as Harry.

When Harry Met Sally... Quotes

Carrie Fisher as Marie

• (Carrie Fisher) "All I'm saying is that somewhere out there is the man you are supposed to marry. And if you don't get him first, somebody else will, and you'll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband"

• (Carrie Fisher) "The point is, he just spent $120 on a new nightgown for his wife. I don't think he's ever gonna leave her."
• (Meg Ryan) "No one thinks he's ever gonna leave her."
• (Carrie Fisher) "You're right, you're right, I know you're right."

• (Carrie Fisher) "Tell me I'll never have to be out there again."
• (Bruno Kirby) "You will never have to be out there again."

• (Carrie Fisher) "I don't think he's ever going to leave her."
• (Meg Ryan) "Nobody thinks he's never going to leave her."
• (Carrie Fisher) "You're right, you're right. I know you're right."

• (Carrie Fisher) "Everybody thinks they have good taste and a sense of humor but they couldn't possibly all have good taste."

• (Carrie Fisher) "Restaurants are to people in the 80's what theatres were to people in the 60's. I read that in a magazine."
• (Bruno Kirby) "I wrote that."
• (Carrie Fisher) "Get out of here."
• (Bruno Kirby) "I did, I wrote that."
• (Carrie Fisher) "Where did I read that?"
• (Bruno Kirby) "New York magazine"
• (Billy Crystal) "Sally writes for New York magazine"

Billy Crystal as Harry Burns

• (Billy Crystal) "Right now everything is great, everyone is happy, everyone is in love and that is wonderful. But you gotta know that sooner or later you're gonna be screaming at each other about who's gonna get this dish. This eight dollar dish will cost you a thousand dollars in phone calls to the legal firm of That's Mine, This Is Yours."
• (Meg Ryan) "Harry."
• (Billy Crystal) "Please, Jess, Marie. Do me a favor, for your own good, put your name in your books right now before they get mixed up and you won't know whose is whose. 'Cause someday, believe it or not, you'll go 15 rounds over who's gonna get this coffee table. This stupid wagon wheel ROY ROGERS GARAGE SALE COFFEE TABLE."
• (Bruno Kirby) "I thought you liked it."
• (Billy Crystal) "I WAS BEING NICE."
• (Meg Ryan) "He just bumped into Helen."

• (Billy Crystal) "What does this song mean? My whole life, I don't know what this song means. I mean, 'Should old acquaintance be forgot'. Does that mean that we should forget old acquaintances? Or does it mean that if we happened to forget them, we should remember them, which is not possible because we already forgot 'em?"
• (Meg Ryan) "Well, maybe it just means that -- we should remember that we forgot them, or something. Anyway, it's about old friends."

• (Billy Crystal) "And was it worth it? The sacrifice for a friend you don't even keep in touch with?"
• (Meg Ryan) "Harry, you might not believe this, but I never considered not sleeping with you a sacrifice."

• (Billy Crystal) "I can say anything to her."
• (Bruno Kirby) "Are you saying you can say things to her you can't say to me?"
• (Billy Crystal) "No, it's just different. It's a whole different perspective. I get the woman's point of view on things. She tells me about the men she desires and I can talk to her about the women that I see."
• (Bruno Kirby) "You tell her about other women?"
• (Billy Crystal) "Yeah, like the other night, I made love to this woman. It was so incredible, I took her to a place that wasn't human. She actually meowed."
• (Bruno Kirby) "You made a woman meow?"
• (Billy Crystal) "Yeah, that's the point. I can say these things to her. And the great thing is, I don't have to lie, because I am not always thinking about how to get her into bed. I can just be myself."
• (Bruno Kirby) "You made a woman meow?"

• (Billy Crystal) "I've been doing a lot of thinking, and the thing is, I love you."
• (Meg Ryan) "What?"
• (Billy Crystal) "I love you."
• (Meg Ryan) "How do you expect me to respond to this?"
• (Billy Crystal) "How about you love me, too?"
• (Meg Ryan) "How about "I'm leaving"?"
• (Billy Crystal) "Doesn't what I said mean anything to you?"
• (Meg Ryan) "I'm sorry, Harry. I know it's New Year's Eve. I know you're feeling lonely, but you just can't show up here, tell me you love me and expect that to make everything all right. It doesn't work this way."
• (Billy Crystal) "Well, how does it work?"
• (Meg Ryan) "I don't know, but not this way."
• (Billy Crystal) "Then how about this way? I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes, and I love that you are the last person I wanna talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
• (Meg Ryan) "You see? That is just like you, Harry. You say things like that and you make it impossible for me to hate you. And I hate you, Harry. I really hate you. I hate you."

• (Billy Crystal) "I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

• (Billy Crystal) "I've been doing a lot of thinking, and the thing is, I love you."
• (Meg Ryan) "What?"
• (Billy Crystal) "I love you."
• (Meg Ryan) "How do you expect me to respond to this?"
• (Billy Crystal) "How about, you love me too."
• (Meg Ryan) "How about, I'm leaving."

• (Billy Crystal) "Why are you getting so upset? This is not about you."

• (Billy Crystal) "I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

• (Billy Crystal) "You know, you may be the first attractive woman I've not wanted to sleep with in my entire life."
• (Meg Ryan) "That's wonderful, Harry."

• (Billy Crystal) "You know how a year to a person is like seven years to a dog?"
• (Meg Ryan) "Is one of us supposed to be a DOG in this scenario?"
• (Billy Crystal) "Yes."
• (Meg Ryan) "Who is the dog?"
• (Billy Crystal) "You are."
• (Meg Ryan) "I am? I am the dog? I am the dog?"

• (Billy Crystal) "There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance."
• (Meg Ryan) "Which one am I?"
• (Billy Crystal) "You're the worst kind; you're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance."
• (Meg Ryan) "I don't see that."
• (Billy Crystal) "You don't see that? Waiter, I'll begin with a house salad, but I don't want the regular dressing. I'll have the balsamic vinegar and oil, but on the side. And then the salmon with the mustard sauce, but I want the mustard sauce on the side. "On the side" is a very big thing for you."
• (Meg Ryan) "Well, I just want it the way I want it."
• (Billy Crystal) "I know; high maintenance."

• (Billy Crystal) "I miss her."
• (Meg Ryan) "I don't miss him. I really don't."
• (Billy Crystal) "Not even a little?"
• (Meg Ryan) "You know what I miss? I miss the idea of him."
• (Billy Crystal) "Maybe I only miss the idea of Helen -- No, I miss the whole Helen."

• (Billy Crystal) "You know, I have a theory that hieroglyphics are just an ancient comic strip about a character named Sphinxy."

• (Billy Crystal) "You take someone to the airport, it's clearly the beginning of the relationship. That's why I have never taken anyone to the airport at the beginning of a relationship."
• (Meg Ryan) "Why?"
• (Billy Crystal) "Because eventually things move on and you don't take someone to the airport and I never wanted anyone to say to me, How come you never take me to the airport anymore?"
• (Meg Ryan) "It's amazing. You look like a normal person, but actually you are the angel of death."

• (Billy Crystal) "Repeat after me. Pepper."
• (Meg Ryan) "Pepper."
• (Billy Crystal) "Pepper."
• (Meg Ryan) "Pepper."
• (Billy Crystal) "Waiter, there is too much pepper on my paprikash."
• (Meg Ryan) "Waiter, there is too much pepper on my paprikash."
• (Billy Crystal) "But I would be proud to partake of your pecan pie."

• (Billy Crystal) "She looked weird didn't she? She looked really weird."
• (Meg Ryan) "I don't know, I've never seen her before."
• (Billy Crystal) "Trust me, she looked weird. Her legs looked heavy. Really, she must retaining water."
• (Meg Ryan) "Harry."
• (Billy Crystal) "Believe me, the woman saved everything."

• (Billy Crystal) "With whom did you have this great sex?"
• (Meg Ryan) "I'm not going to tell you that."
• (Billy Crystal) "Fine, don't tell me."
• (Meg Ryan) "Shel Gordon."
• (Billy Crystal) "Shel? Sheldon? No, no, you did not have great sex with Sheldon."
• (Meg Ryan) "I did too."
• (Billy Crystal) "No you didn't. A Sheldon can do your income taxes, if you need a root canal, Sheldon's your man -- but humpin' and pumpin' is not Sheldon's strong suit. It's the name. 'Do it to me Sheldon, you're an animal Sheldon, ride me big Shel-don.' Doesn't work."

• (Billy Crystal) "The fact that you're not answering leads me to believe you're either (a) not at home, (b) home but don't want to talk to me, or (c) home, desperately want to talk to me, but trapped under something heavy. If it's either (a) or (c), please call me back."

• (Billy Crystal) "It is so nice when you can sit with someone and not have to talk."

Bruno Kirby as Jess

• (Bruno Kirby) "So what is she?"
• (Billy Crystal) "Attractive."
• (Bruno Kirby) "But not BEAUTIFUL, right?"

• (Bruno Kirby) "When did this happen?"
• (Billy Crystal) "Friday. Helen comes home from and she said, "I don't know if I want to be married anymore." Like it's the institution, you know, like it's nothing personal, just something she's been thinking about -- in a casual way. I'm calm, I say, "Why don't we take some time to think about it, you know, don't rush into anything.""
• (Bruno Kirby) "Yeah, right."
• (Billy Crystal) "Next day she said she's thought about it, and she wants a trial separation. She just wants to try it, she says, but we can still date. Like this is supposed to cushion the blow. I mean I got married so I can stop dating. So I don't see where we can still date is any big incentive since the last thing you want to do is date your wife, who's suppose to love you, which is what I'm saying to you, that's when it occurs to me that may be -- she doesn't. So I say to her, "Don't you love me anymore?" You know what she says? "I don't know if I've ever loved you.""
• (Bruno Kirby) "Oooh, that's harsh."
• (Bruno Kirby) "You don't bounce back from that right away."
• (Billy Crystal) "Thanks Jess."
• (Bruno Kirby) "No, I'm a writer, I know dialogue and that's particularly harsh."
• (Billy Crystal) "Then she tells me that somebody in her office is going to South America and she can sub-let his apartment. I can't believe this, and the doorbell rings, 'I can sub-let his apartment', the words are still hanging in the air, you know, like in a balloon attached to a mouth."
• (Bruno Kirby) "Like in the cartoon."
• (Billy Crystal) "Right. So I go to the door, and there were moving men there. Now I start to get suspicious. I say, "Helen when did you call these movers?", and she doesn't say anything. So I asked the movers, "When did this woman book you for this gig?" And they're just standing there. Three huge guys, one of them was wearing a T-shirt that says, "Don't f*** with Mr. Zero." So I said, "Helen, when did you make this arrangement?" She says, "A week ago." I said, "You've known for a week and you didn't tell me?" And she says, "I didn't want to ruin your birthday.""
• (Bruno Kirby) "You're saying Mr. Zero knew you were getting a divorce a week before you did?"
• (Billy Crystal) "Mr. Zero knew."

• (Bruno Kirby) "Marriages don't break up on account of infidelity. It's just a symptom that something else is wrong."
• (Billy Crystal) "Oh really? Well, that "symptom" is f***ing my wife."

• (Bruno Kirby) "Emily is terrific."
• (Billy Crystal) "Yeah. But of course when I asked where she was when Kennedy was shot she said, "Ted Kennedy was shot?""
• (Bruno Kirby) "No."

• (Bruno Kirby) "Draw SOMETHING resembling ANYTHING."

• (Bruno Kirby) "No one has ever quoted me back to me before."

• (Bruno Kirby) ""Baby talk"? That's not a saying."
• (Billy Crystal) "Oh, but "baby fish mouth" is sweeping the nation? I hear them talking."

Meg Ryan as Sally Albright

• (Meg Ryan) "Amanda mentioned you had a dark side."
• (Billy Crystal) "That's what drew her to me."
• (Meg Ryan) "Your dark side?"
• (Billy Crystal) "Sure. Why? Don't you have a dark side? I know, you're probably one of those cheerful people who dot their "i's" with little hearts."
• (Meg Ryan) "I have just as much of a dark side as the next person."
• (Billy Crystal) "Oh, really? When I buy a new book, I read the last page first. That way, in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends. That, my friend, is a dark side."

• (Meg Ryan) "The first date back is always the toughest, Harry."
• (Billy Crystal) "You only had one date. How do you know it's not going to get worse?"
• (Meg Ryan) "How much worse can it get than finishing dinner, having him reach over, pull a hair out of my head and start flossing with it at the table?"
• (Billy Crystal) "We're talking dream date compared to my horror."

• (Meg Ryan) "I am not your consolation prize, Harry."

• (Meg Ryan) "He just met her -- She's supposed to be his transitional person, she's not supposed to be the ONE. All this time I thought he didn't want to get married. But, the truth is, he didn't want to marry me. He didn't love me."
• (Billy Crystal) "If you could take him back now, would you?"
• (Meg Ryan) "No. But why didn't he want to marry me? What's the matter with me?"
• (Billy Crystal) "Nothing."
• (Meg Ryan) "I'm difficult."
• (Billy Crystal) "You're challenging."
• (Meg Ryan) "I'm too structured, I'm completely closed off."
• (Billy Crystal) "But in a good way."
• (Meg Ryan) "No, no, no, I drove him away. AND, I'm gonna be forty."
• (Billy Crystal) "When?"
• (Meg Ryan) "Someday."
• (Billy Crystal) "In eight years."
• (Meg Ryan) "But it's there. It's just sitting there, like some big dead end. And it's not the same for men. Charlie Chaplin had kids when he was 73."
• (Billy Crystal) "Yeah, but he was too old to pick them up."

• (Meg Ryan) "Well, basically it's the same dream I've been having since I was twelve."
• (Billy Crystal) "Which is?"
• (Meg Ryan) "Okay, there's this guy --"
• (Billy Crystal) "What does he look like?"
• (Meg Ryan) "I don't know, he's just sort of faceless."
• (Billy Crystal) "Faceless guy, okay."
• (Meg Ryan) "He RIPS off my clothes."
• (Billy Crystal) "And?"
• (Meg Ryan) "That's it."
• (Billy Crystal) "That's it? Some faceless guy rips off all your clothes, and THAT'S the sex fantasy you've been having since you were twelve?"
• (Meg Ryan) "Well sometimes I vary it a little."
• (Billy Crystal) "Which part?"
• (Meg Ryan) "What I'm wearing."

• (Meg Ryan) "At least I got the apartment."
• (Billy Crystal) "That's what everyone says. But, really, what's so hard about finding an apartment? What you do is look in the obituary section. You see who died, find out where they lived, and tip the doorman. What they could do to make it easier is combine the two. You know, Mr. Kline died yesterday, leaving behind a wife, two children, and a spacious three bedroom apartment with a wood burning fireplace."

• (Meg Ryan) "All this time I've been saying that he didn't want to get married. But the truth is he didn't want to marry me. He didn't love me."

• (Meg Ryan) "Well, if you must know, it was because he was very jealous, and I had these days of the week underpants."
• (Billy Crystal) "Ehhhh. I'm sorry. I need the judges ruling on this. "Days of the weeks underpants"?"
• (Meg Ryan) "Yes. They had the days of the week on them, and I thought they were sort of funny. And then one day Sheldon says to me, "You never wear Sunday." It was all suspicious. Where was Sunday? Where had I left Sunday? And I told him, and he didn't believe me."
• (Billy Crystal) "What?"
• (Meg Ryan) "They don't make Sunday."
• (Billy Crystal) "Why not?"
• (Meg Ryan) "Because of God."

• (Meg Ryan) "Yes it is. You are a human affront to all women and I am a woman."

• (Meg Ryan) "When Joe and I started seeing each other, we wanted exactly the same thing. We wanted to live together, but we didn't want to get married because every time anyone we knew got married, it ruined their relationship. They practically never had sex again. It's true, it's one of the secrets that no one ever tells you. I would sit around with my girlfriends who have kids; and, actually, my one girlfriend who has kids, Alice; and she would complain about how she and Gary never did it anymore. She didn't even complain about it, now that I think about it. She just said it matter-of-factly. She said they were up all night, they were both exhausted all the time, the kids just took every sexual impulse they had out of them. And Joe and I used to talk about it, and we'd say we were so lucky we have this wonderful relationship, we can have sex on the kitchen floor and not worry about the kids walking in. We can fly off to Rome on a moment's notice. And then one day I was taking Alice's little girl for the afternoon because I'd promised to take her to the circus, and we were in the cab playing "I Spy"; I spy a mailbox, I spy a lamp-post; and she looked out the window and she saw this man and this woman with these two little kids. And the man had one of the little kids on his shoulders, and she said, "I spy a family." And I started to cry. You know, I just started crying. And I went home, and I said, "The thing is, Joe, we never do fly off to Rome on a moment's notice.""
• (Billy Crystal) "And the kitchen floor?"
• (Meg Ryan) "Not once. It's this very cold, hard Mexican ceramic tile."

• (Meg Ryan) "I don't have to take this crap from you."
• (Billy Crystal) "If you're so over Joe, why aren't you seeing anyone?"
• (Meg Ryan) "I see people."
• (Billy Crystal) "See people? Have you slept with one person since you broke up with Joe?"
• (Meg Ryan) "What the hell does that have to do with anything? That will prove I'm over Joe? Because I f*** somebody? Harry, you're gonna have to move back to New Jersey because you've slept with everybody in New York and I don't see that turning Helen into a faint memory for you. Besides, I will make love to somebody when it is making love. Not the way you do it like you're out for revenge or something."
• (Billy Crystal) "-- Are you finished now?"
• (Meg Ryan) "-- Yes."
• (Billy Crystal) "Can I say something?"
• (Meg Ryan) "Yes."
• (Billy Crystal) "-- I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

• (Meg Ryan) "You see? That is just like you, Harry. You say things like that, and you make it impossible for me to hate you."

• (Meg Ryan) "But I'd like the pie heated and I don't want the ice cream on top, I want it on the side, and I'd like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it, if not then no ice cream just whipped cream but only if it's real; if it's out of the can then nothing."
• (Waitress) "Not even the pie?"
• (Meg Ryan) "No, I want the pie, but then not heated."

• (Meg Ryan) "Is Harry bringing anybody to the wedding?"
• (Carrie Fisher) "I don't think so."
• (Meg Ryan) "Is he seeing anybody?"
• (Carrie Fisher) "He was seeing this anthropologist, but --"
• (Meg Ryan) "What's she look like?"
• (Carrie Fisher) "Thin. Pretty. Big tits. Your basic nightmare."

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