What's Up, Doc? (1972 film) Quotes

What's Up, Doc? (1972 film) is a television show that was first aired in 1970 . What's Up, Doc? completed its run in 1970.

It features Peter Bogdanovich as producer, Artie Butler (uncredited) in charge of musical score, and László Kovács (cinematographer) as head of cinematography.

What's Up, Doc? (1972 film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of What's Up, Doc? (1972 film) is 94 minutes long. What's Up, Doc? (1972 film) is distributed by Warner Bros..

The cast includes: Barbra Streisand as Judy, Ryan O'Neal as Howard, Madeline Kahn as Eunice, Liam Dunn as Judge Maxwell, Kenneth Mars as Hugh, John Hillerman as Mr Kaltenborn, Austin Pendleton as Frederick Larrabee, M. Emmet Walsh as Arresting Officer, Graham Jarvis as Bailiff, Randy Quaid as Professor Hosquith, Stefan Gierasch as Fritz, Sorrell Booke as Harry, and Mabel Albertson as Mrs. Van Hoskins.

What's Up, Doc? (1972 film) Quotes

Barbra Streisand as Judy

• (Barbra Streisand) "Having fun?"
• (Ryan O'Neal) "I can't find my rocks."
• (Barbra Streisand) "Lets grab the cases."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "Which ones?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "All of them."

• (Barbra Streisand) "I can't I'm terrified of heights."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "There's a ledge."
• (Barbra Streisand) "I have ledge-o-phobia."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "Just until I can get rid of her."
• (Barbra Streisand) "I can't."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "She's got a terrible temper."
• (Barbra Streisand) "I can't."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "She studies karate."
• (Barbra Streisand) "Maybe I can."

• (Barbra Streisand) "Ooh, hey look at that. Go up there."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "What? No."
• (Barbra Streisand) "Yes."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "Now what?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Back up."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "I knew you'd say that."

• (Barbra Streisand) "Aw come-on, Steve, you don't want to marry Eunice."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "I'm not Steve. I'm Howard."
• (Barbra Streisand) "Well neither of you wants to marry Eunice."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "Why do you say that?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Because you don't want to marry someone who's gonna get all wrinkled, lined, and flabby."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "Everybody gets wrinkled, lined, and flabby."
• (Barbra Streisand) "By next week?"

• (Barbra Streisand) "Eunice? That's a person named Eunice."

• (Barbra Streisand) "Well, this last time was not my fault."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "What happened?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Nothing, nothing, really. It was just a little classroom, it sort of burned down."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "Burned down?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Well, blew up actually."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "Political activism?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Chemistry major."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "I see."

• (Barbra Streisand) "You don't wanna marry someone who's gonna get all wrinkled, lined and flabby."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "Everyone gets wrinkled, lined and flabby."
• (Barbra Streisand) "By next week?"

• (Barbra Streisand) "Love means never having to say you're sorry."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "That's the dumbest thing I ever heard."

• (Barbra Streisand) "I don't know who he is but I hate him."

• (Barbra Streisand) "Miss Burns what are you doing in Howard Banister's bedroom? Don't you know the meaning of propriety?"

• (Barbra Streisand) "I can't see."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "There's nothing to see really, we're inside a Chinese dragon."

• (Barbra Streisand) "I think there's a good road right down there."

• (Barbra Streisand) "We can make it --"
• (Ryan O'Neal) "No."
• (Barbra Streisand) "We can make it --"
• (Ryan O'Neal) "No."
• (Barbra Streisand) "I don't think we can make it."

• (Barbra Streisand) "-- just possibly saving 120 passengers from a tragic firey death."
• (Austin Pendleton) "I find that story intensely moving."

• (Barbra Streisand) "What's up, Doc?"
• (Ryan O'Neal) "I beg your pardon?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "We've gotta stop meeting like this."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "I think you're making a mistake. You see, I just came in here for something for a headache."
• (Barbra Streisand) "You're gonna need an awful big glass of water to get that down."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "What? Oh no, no you see I'm a musicologist. I was just testing this specimen for inherent tonal qualities. I have this theory about early man's musical relationship to igneous rock formations. But I guess you're not really interested in igneous rock formations."
• (Barbra Streisand) "Not as much as I am in the sedimentary or metamorphic rock categories. I mean, I can take your igneous rocks or leave 'em. I relate primarily to micas, quartz, feldspar. You can keep your Pyroxenes, magnetites and coarse grained plutonics as far as I'm concerned."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "I forgot why I came in here."
• (Barbra Streisand) "Headache."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "Oh, yes. Thank you. And good bye."

• (Barbra Streisand) "I forgot. I forgot to give you this letter. It was under your door when I came back to your room last night."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "Did you open this?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "How else could I have read it?"

• (Barbra Streisand) "Has anyone ever told you that you are very, very sexy?"
• (Kenneth Mars) "Well, actually no."
• (Barbra Streisand) "They never will."

• (Barbra Streisand) "I know I'm different, but from now on I'm going to try and be the same."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "The same as what?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "The same as people who aren't different."

• (Barbra Streisand) "Hello out there."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "Hello."
• (Barbra Streisand) "What?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "I believe you dropped something."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "What do you think you are doing?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "I think I'm taking a bath aren't I?"
• (Ryan O'Neal) "If you're not out of here in two minutes, I'm calling the police."
• (Barbra Streisand) "Who do you think they'll arrest? The girl in the tub or the guy with his pants down?"
• (Ryan O'Neal) "I am not joking now. I do not like to act rashly, but you are the last straw that breaks my camel's back, you are the plague, you bring havoc and chaos to everyone, but why to me? Why me? Why?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Because you look cute in your pyjamas, Steve."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "GET OUT."
• (Barbra Streisand) "Right now?"
• (Ryan O'Neal) "YES."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "No. Wait a minute."

• (Barbra Streisand) "Steve, you didn't tell me you were married."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "We're not married."
• (Barbra Streisand) "Congratulations."
• (Madeline Kahn) "But we will be soon."
• (Barbra Streisand) "Condolences."

• (Barbra Streisand) "Ah, I got an idea."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "What?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Stick with me. Stick with me kid."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "This is a terrible thing we're doing."
• (Barbra Streisand) "Nonsense, you're gonna love it."

• (Barbra Streisand) "Yeah, you know Banister? As in "sliding down the-"?"

Austin Pendleton as Frederick Larrabee

• (Austin Pendleton) "Don't you dare strike that brave, unbalanced woman."

• (Austin Pendleton) "We would like to hear the story that Miss Burns --"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Burnsey."
• (Austin Pendleton) "That Burnsey --"
• (Ryan O'Neal) "He's calling her Burnsey."
• (Austin Pendleton) "That Burnsey was telling us. What was it Howard? Some incredible adventure you had on your flight here?"
• (Ryan O'Neal) "Yes. No."
• (Barbra Streisand) "I'm afraid my Howard is too modest to tell you the story himself. It all started when we passed the point of no return."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "I think we just passed it."
• (Barbra Streisand) "One of the engines failed and the flux valve refused to disconnect. One of the pilots fainted from an over supply of fear and went into this power dive. So Howard took his rocks into the cockpit and selected two of them with a particularly high magnetic content and set up an electrically induced field pattern on the giro counter --"
• (Ryan O'Neal) "I'm having a nightmare."

• (Austin Pendleton) "What's going on down here? You two just can't keep away from each other, can you?"
• (Ryan O'Neal) "Oh, we were just talking."
• (Kenneth Mars) "Are you all right Mr Larrabee? Can I help?"
• (Austin Pendleton) "No, it's fine, we were just chatting."
• (Musicologist) "What's the matter?"
• (Musicologist) "Anything wrong?"
• (Austin Pendleton) "No."
• (Barbra Streisand) "We're just testing a theory Howard has about Vocal Reverberation Under Spinal Pressure."
• (Randy Quaid) "What? Vocal Reverberation Under Spinal Pressure?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "You know, V.R.U.S.P.?"
• (Musicologist) "Oh yes."
• (Musicologist) "I think I read a monograph on that."

Ryan O'Neal as Howard

• (Ryan O'Neal) "I'm not repeating myself. I'm not repeating myself. Oh, God, I'm repeating myself."

• (Ryan O'Neal) "See? Now the phone is ringing."

• (Ryan O'Neal) "What am I gonna tell Eunice?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "That's the easy part. You go up to her room. She answers the door; now she will have been crying so her eyes will be all bloodshot and her nose will be all red and runny, but you look past all that. You stare purposefully into those red-rimmed, swollen eyes, and you say, "Eunice, my dear, there's been a terrible mistake. I've behaved like a cad, a bounder. But now I see everything clearly and I've decided that Judy and I are gonna put you into a home.""
• (Ryan O'Neal) "That is not funny."

• (Ryan O'Neal) "What are you doing? This is a one way street."
• (Barbra Streisand) "We're only going one way."

• (Ryan O'Neal) "Sir, I must point out to you --"
• (Austin Pendleton) "I must point out to you that foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds."
• (Barbra Streisand) "Emerson."
• (Austin Pendleton) "I beg your pardon?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Ralph Waldo Emerson, born 1803 died 1882."
• (Austin Pendleton) "You like Emerson?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "I adore him."
• (Austin Pendleton) "I adore anyone who adores Emerson."
• (Barbra Streisand) "And I adore anyone who adores anyone who adores Emerson, your turn."
• (Austin Pendleton) "She's a delight Bannister, a delight and you're a lucky dog."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "I --"
• (Austin Pendleton) "Admit it. Admit you're a lucky dog."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "I'm a lucky dog."
• (Austin Pendleton) "Miss Burns, may I call you Eunice?"
• (Ryan O'Neal) "No."
• (Austin Pendleton) "What's that?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "What Howard means is that back where we come from everyone calls me Burnsey."
• (Austin Pendleton) "Burnsey. I like that."

• (Ryan O'Neal) "Sir, my name is Howard Bannister and I'm from Ames, Iowa."
• (Liam Dunn) "No excuse."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "No, sir, it all started when I bumped my head in the taxi -- on the way in from the airport."
• (Liam Dunn) "Are you pleading insanity or amnesia?"
• (Ryan O'Neal) "Neither. I went to the drugstore to get something for a headache -- the druggist tried to charge me for a radio. She said her husband would pay for it. But I didn't, of course."
• (Liam Dunn) "Of course."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "She ripped my jacket and when Eunice came along --"
• (Liam Dunn) "Who's Eunice?"
• (Ryan O'Neal) "Eunice is my fiancée."
• (Liam Dunn) "You have a wife AND a fiancée?"
• (Ryan O'Neal) "No, sir. But, she kept calling me "Steve.""
• (Liam Dunn) "Your own fiancée calls you "Steve?""
• (Ryan O'Neal) "No, sir, my wife. Or rather, the one who ISN'T my wife."
• (Liam Dunn) "What does the one who isn't your FIANCEE call you? Howard?"
• (Ryan O'Neal) "No, sir, the one who isn't my fiancée doesn't call me Howard and the one who isn't my wife doesn't call me Howard because the one who isn't my fiancée is also the one who isn't my wife. The other one who ISN'T my wife, the one who IS my fiancée -- she doesn't call me "Steve." She calls me Howard. Do you see?"
• (Liam Dunn) "Let's just skip over this part, and move on."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "That night at the banquet she was there again."
• (Liam Dunn) "Who was there, your wife or your fiancée?"
• (Ryan O'Neal) "Neither."
• (Liam Dunn) "There's a third?"
• (Ryan O'Neal) "No, sir, the one who isn't either. Everyone was calling her "Burnsy.""
• (Liam Dunn) "Why?"
• (Ryan O'Neal) "That's short for Burns, Eunice's last name."
• (Liam Dunn) "Eunice WAS there."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "No, sir, BURNSY was there. Or rather, the one who ISN'T Burnsy."

• (Ryan O'Neal) "Mr. Priviledge, it's a Larrabee to meet you, sir. No that's not right. Anyway it's nice to see you, sir."

• (Ryan O'Neal) "Mr. Larrabee, it's a privilege to meet you. I'm Doctor Howard Bannister."
• (Headwaiter) "And I'm your headwaiter, Rudy."

• (Ryan O'Neal) "You. You."
• (Barbra Streisand) "Eu-nice. Eunice. We've almost gotten that stammer cured."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "How. How."
• (Barbra Streisand) "How-ard. Howard. He always gets stuck on names. It must be the excitement of meeting you for the first time."

• (Ryan O'Neal) "Eunice. Eunice. Eunice, please open the door, I have wonderful news."
• (Madeline Kahn) "I do not want your apologies Howard. I think it is too late for that."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "All right. No apologies."
• (Madeline Kahn) "Have you no heart? I would have thought after all you have done you would come crawling for forgiveness."

• (Ryan O'Neal) "I am not repeating myself, I am not repeating myself -- Oh God, I'm repeating myself."

Madeline Kahn as Eunice

• (Madeline Kahn) "Now, tell me how you are going to introduce yourself."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "What? Oh, well, I'll probably say something like "Hello there, Mr Larrabee. I'm Howard.""
• (Madeline Kahn) "You are not."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "I am not Howard."
• (Madeline Kahn) "You are not going to say "Hi, my name's Howard." Anyone could say that. Anyone."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "Anyone named Howard."

• (Madeline Kahn) "Why are your rocks in the bathroom?"

• (Madeline Kahn) "Don't kick those rocks, you Philistine."

• (Madeline Kahn) "Don't you know the meaning of propriety?"
• (Barbra Streisand) "Propriety; noun: conformity to established standards of behavior or manner, suitability, rightness, or justice. See "etiquette.""

• (Madeline Kahn) "Howard. Howard Bannister. They're trying, they're trying to keep me out."
• (Austin Pendleton) "Who is that dangerously unbalanced woman?"
• (Madeline Kahn) "Howard. Howard. Tell them who I am. Tell them who I am. I demand that you tell them who I am right this minute."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "I never saw this woman before in my life."

• (Madeline Kahn) "I'm not looking for romance, Howard."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "Oh?"
• (Madeline Kahn) "No, I'm looking for something more important than that, something stronger. As the years go by, romance fades and something else takes its place. Do you know what that is?"
• (Ryan O'Neal) "Senility?"
• (Madeline Kahn) "Trust."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "That's what I meant."

• (Madeline Kahn) "Since when have you taken bubble baths?"
• (Ryan O'Neal) "It came out of the faucet that way, Eunice."

• (Banquet Receptionist) "This woman claims to be a Eunice Burns."
• (Madeline Kahn) "I am not "A" Eunice Burns, I am "THE" Eunice Burns."

Liam Dunn as Judge Maxwell

• (Liam Dunn) "Officer. What are these people being charged with"
• (M. Emmet Walsh) "It's kind of hard to explain, Judge."
• (Liam Dunn) "Give it a shot."
• (M. Emmet Walsh) "Well we picked most of them out of San Francisco bay."
• (Liam Dunn) "Entering the country illegally?"
• (M. Emmet Walsh) "No sir, they drove in."
• (Liam Dunn) "Into the country?"
• (M. Emmet Walsh) "Into the bay."
• (Liam Dunn) "Ah, that's better. Unauthorized use of public water."
• (M. Emmet Walsh) "Mostly in stolen cars."
• (Liam Dunn) "Ah ha, that's grand larceny."
• (M. Emmet Walsh) "Then there was a shooting --"
• (Liam Dunn) "That's assault with a deadly weapon."
• (Austin Pendleton) "They broke into my home."
• (Liam Dunn) "That's breaking and entering."
• (Austin Pendleton) "And brought her with them forcibly."
• (Liam Dunn) "That's kidnapping."
• (Madeline Kahn) "They tried to molest me."
• (Liam Dunn) "That's -- unbelievable."

• (Liam Dunn) "I think I want to skip over this part, too."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "That night, I went back to my room and she was in the bath."
• (Liam Dunn) "Who was there? No, don't tell me, just go on."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "When Eunice walked in and the drapes caught fire, everything burned. They asked me to leave. I really don't blame them."
• (Liam Dunn) "Good boy. Is there more?"
• (Ryan O'Neal) "Sure."
• (Liam Dunn) "There's more."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "Well, the next day, today, Mr. Larrabee asked me to his house with my rocks and to bring Eunice. Or rather, Burnsy, the one he thinks is Eunice. Is that clear?"
• (Liam Dunn) "No, but it's consistent."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "Shall I go back over it?"
• (Liam Dunn) "No, please, I beg you, don't. Just go on."
• (Ryan O'Neal) "It gets kind of complicated now. First, there was this trouble between me and Hugh."
• (Liam Dunn) "You and me?"
• (Ryan O'Neal) "No, not you. Hugh."
• (Kenneth Mars) "I am Hugh."
• (Liam Dunn) "You are me?"
• (Kenneth Mars) "No, I am Hugh."
• (Liam Dunn) "Stop saying that."
• (Liam Dunn) "Make him stop saying that."
• (Kenneth Mars) "Don't touch me, I'm a doctor."
• (Liam Dunn) "Of what?"
• (Kenneth Mars) "Music."
• (Liam Dunn) "Can you fix a hi-fi?"
• (Kenneth Mars) "No, sir."
• (Liam Dunn) "Then shut up."

• (Delivery Boy) "I want my bike back."
• (Liam Dunn) "I'll give you your bike back; I'll give you a broken back if you don't be quiet."

• (Liam Dunn) "You. You in the blanket. You seem to have caused all this trouble. Exactly what have you got to say for yourself?"
• (Liam Dunn) "Judy."
• (Barbra Streisand) "Hello, Daddy --"

• (Liam Dunn) "You see this yellow pill?"
• (Graham Jarvis) "Yes sir."
• (Liam Dunn) "You know what it's for?"
• (Graham Jarvis) "What, Judge?"
• (Liam Dunn) "To remind me to take this BLUE pill."
• (Graham Jarvis) "What's the blue one for, Judge?"
• (Liam Dunn) "I don't know. They're afraid to tell me."

• (Liam Dunn) "They're a foul and depraved looking lot, bailiff."
• (Graham Jarvis) "Those are just the spectators, your Honor."

• (Liam Dunn) "Do you have any idea what it's like to sit here night after night and watch this endless parade of human debris floating by?"
• (Graham Jarvis) "Yes sir, I have."
• (Liam Dunn) "Oh no you don't."

Stefan Gierasch as Fritz

• (Stefan Gierasch) "Here she comes now, did you get the jewels out of the hotel?"
• (Sorrell Booke) "Nah, I stashed 'em in 1714, I didn't have time --"
• (Stefan Gierasch) "1714? What kind of house detective are you? Cannot commit a simple burglary."
• (Sorrell Booke) "I'm ashamed."
• (Stefan Gierasch) "Nevermind. I will return the case to her room, while you detain her."
• (Sorrell Booke) "How do I do that?"
• (Stefan Gierasch) "Use your charm."
• (Sorrell Booke) "Charm -- use your charm."

• (Stefan Gierasch) "Mrs. Van Hoskins. It's so nice to have you back with us."
• (Mabel Albertson) "Hello, Hans."
• (Stefan Gierasch) "Fritz."
• (Mabel Albertson) "What happened to Hans?"
• (Stefan Gierasch) "There is no Hans. Only me, Fritz."
• (Mabel Albertson) "Oh, what a shame."

• (Stefan Gierasch) "I am afraid one of our guests has lost something."
• (Madeline Kahn) "Well, I fail to see how it could possibly be in here unless it crawled here under its own power."
• (Stefan Gierasch) "Precisely Miss Burns."
• (Madeline Kahn) "What are you saying?"
• (Stefan Gierasch) "It appears one of our guests, a wealthy eccentric, has lost his pet snake."
• (Stefan Gierasch) "Calm yourself, Miss Burns. May I suggest you shut yourself in the bathroom for a few moments while I search your room?"
• (Madeline Kahn) "What if it's in there?"
• (Stefan Gierasch) "Impossible, madam. Snakes, as you know, live in mortal fear of -- tile."
• (Stefan Gierasch) "It's all right Miss Burns. You can come out now."
• (Madeline Kahn) "What more can they do to me?"

• (Stefan Gierasch) "Don't touch his rocks."
• (Madeline Kahn) "I'll take care of those."

• (Stefan Gierasch) "You will enter Mrs. Van Hoskins' room, through the adjoining room and you will take the jewel case to the basement."
• (Sorrell Booke) "What if she wakes up and sees me?"
• (Stefan Gierasch) "You will tell her you are smitten with her, that you have have followed her all night, and you will make passionate love to her."
• (Sorrell Booke) "Couldn't I just kill her?"

Graham Jarvis as Bailiff

• (Graham Jarvis) "Is Your Honor feeling alright?"
• (Liam Dunn) "No, my honor is not feeling alright. My head is pounding, my metabolism has practically ceased to function, and my nerves are completely shot."

Kenneth Mars as Hugh

• (Kenneth Mars) "I find that as difficult to swallow as this potage au gelee."
• (Barbra Streisand) "How would you like to swallow one sandwich d'knuckles?"

• (Kenneth Mars) "Don't shoot. I'm part Italian."

• (Kenneth Mars) "I think the Hugh Simon theory will stand the test of time."
• (Barbra Streisand) "Exactly what is that theory Mr Simon?"
• (Kenneth Mars) "I doubt you are qualified to understand it but it says that the 16th and 17th century composers developed a uniform scale platform based upon the intervals utilised in the mountaineer yodel."
• (Barbra Streisand) "And you developed this theory? That should come as a shock to Professor Findelmeyer."
• (Kenneth Mars) "I don't know what you're talking about."
• (Barbra Streisand) "Sure you do, the Findelmeyer Proposition."
• (Kenneth Mars) "I don't know what you're talking about, besides that has never been translated."
• (Barbra Streisand) "Just once. Harvard Musicological review, 1925. It's probably out of print now --"
• (Austin Pendleton) "Of course. Professor Heinrich Findelmeyer, the university of Zurich, 1911, the controversial Findelmeyer Proposition, no wonder it sounded so familiar. I'm sorry Simon"
• (Kenneth Mars) "This is despicable."
• (Austin Pendleton) "Hugh, you're a bad loser, you're a plagiarist and you're nasty. I don't like you and I want you to go away."

• (Kenneth Mars) "I don't know who he is, but she is de fin itely not herself."

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