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Welcome to the Rileys Quotes

Welcome to the Rileys is a television program that debuted in 1970 . Welcome to the Rileys completed its run in 1970.

It features Ridley Scott as producer, Marc Streitenfeld in charge of musical score, and Christopher Soos as head of cinematography.

Welcome to the Rileys is distributed by Samuel Goldwyn Films.

The cast includes: Kristen Stewart as Mallory, Melissa Leo as Lois Riley, Ally Sheedy as Harriet, and Eisa Davis as Vivian.

Welcome to the Rileys Quotes

Melissa Leo as Lois Riley

  • (Melissa Leo) "You're gonna sit out here all night?"
  • (Unnamed) "Just smoking a cigarette."
  • (Melissa Leo) "I wish you wouldn't smoke in the house."
  • (Unnamed) "Well I'm not in the house. I'm in the garage."
  • (Melissa Leo) "When you open the door all the smoke comes inside."
  • (Unnamed) "Then close the door, Lois."
  • (Melissa Leo) "Your mother must have been very pretty."
  • (Melissa Leo) "Allison, I don't think you should do this anymore."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Do what?"
  • (Melissa Leo) "You know what I'm talking about."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "You don't work you don't eat."
  • (Melissa Leo) "Wait. I can't let you do this."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Lois don't."
  • (Melissa Leo) "What?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Don't be stupid."
  • (Melissa Leo) "I apologize for being so unsophisticated but I cannot let a 16-year old girl prostitute herself."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "I'm a f***ing dancer."
  • (Melissa Leo) "And a prostitute."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Well you're not my f***ing mom. So get the f*** out of my way."
  • (Melissa Leo) "Your mother must have been very pretty."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Yeah. She had bigger tits than me. I got my dad's tits. I don't know what happened."
  • (Melissa Leo) "I got my dad's too."
  • (Unnamed) "Come on inside."
  • (Melissa Leo) "The person you want me to meet lives in here?"
  • (Unnamed) "Her name is Mallory. Now, her real name is Allison. She's got a lot of names because she works in a strip club."
  • (Melissa Leo) "She's a stripper?"
  • (Unnamed) "You'll understand once you meet her."
  • (Melissa Leo) "Understand what? That you've lost your mind? Jesus, Doug."
  • (Melissa Leo) "I went after her. I didn't tell that part about how Emily died."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Tell me what?"
  • (Melissa Leo) "I was awake that night. Doug was at his poker game, I always stay up until he gets home. I heard something, went to the window, and saw Emily get into her boyfriend's car. So I put on some clothes and got into my car and went looking for them."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Did you find them?"
  • (Melissa Leo) "Parked in a shopping center not far from our house."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "I'm sure they were really happy to see you."
  • (Melissa Leo) "He took off. I tried to catch up but I couldn't. He was driving so fast. Lost them for a little while and then."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "They crashed the car?"
  • (Melissa Leo) "Ran a stop sign and hit a truck broadside. By the time I got there everything was on fire. Couldn't get to them. Wouldn't have happened if I hadn't gone after her."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Hey, it's not your fault. That's not your fault. Just like my mom getting in a car accident is not my fault."
  • (Melissa Leo) "You can leave me if you have to, but I will never leave you."
  • (Unnamed) "Lois, hold up."
  • (Melissa Leo) "No."
  • (Unnamed) "Hold up, Lois."
  • (Melissa Leo) "No. You're crazy."
  • (Unnamed) "Alright, calm down."
  • (Melissa Leo) "This is insane. She's just a child."
  • (Unnamed) "She is a 16-year old runaway from Florida, okay?"
  • (Melissa Leo) "What do you think you are doing?"
  • (Unnamed) "I don't know. That's what I'm trying to tell you, okay?"
  • (Melissa Leo) "No, no, no, this is a nightmare."
  • (Melissa Leo) "She's not Emily."
  • (Unnamed) "I know that."
  • (Melissa Leo) "Doug, honey? Wake up. Doug, I need you to go to the drug store."
  • (Unnamed) "You alright?"
  • (Melissa Leo) "I'm fine. It's Allison."
  • (Unnamed) "What's wrong with her?"
  • (Melissa Leo) "Just female trouble. Come on, get up."
  • (Melissa Leo) "Mind picking up my mail and newspaper while Doug is gone?"
  • (Ally Sheedy) "Why can't your neighbor across the street do it?"
  • (Melissa Leo) "She moved."
  • (Ally Sheedy) "And all your other neighbors?"
  • (Melissa Leo) "Just until Doug gets back."
  • (Ally Sheedy) "Okay. I have to drive over here all the way from Zionsville every day because my nutcase sister can't walk down her own damn driveway. Lois? Somehow, someway, and someday you're just gonna have to walk out that door."
  • (Melissa Leo) "How's New Orleans?"
  • (Unnamed) "Listen I think I'm going to stay here for a while. I can't come home right now."
  • (Melissa Leo) "What are you talking about?"
  • (Unnamed) "I don't know. I just know that I can't come home right now. I know I'm not dead yet. Alright?"
  • (Melissa Leo) "Doug. I'm not mad about Vivian."
  • (Unnamed) "What?"
  • (Melissa Leo) "A year or two ago I found a name tag in the pocket of your windbreaker. It's not like I had no idea what was going on. And I know I haven't been."
  • (Melissa Leo) "Oh Lord."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm sorry."

Kristen Stewart as Mallory

  • (Unnamed) "Excuse me. I'm not a cop. I'm from Indianapolis, Indiana and I run a wholesale plumbing supply business. I'm here for a convention."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Okay, I'm sorry about that. I just got cops on the brain, you know? I can't help it. They've been snooping around the club and they towed my car for unpaid parking tickets."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Bet you were a good mom."
  • (Unnamed) "How old are you?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "How old do I look?"
  • (Unnamed) "Fifteen."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "You can't be fifteen and work in any strip club I've heard of."
  • (Unnamed) "How old are you?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Twenty-two."
  • (Unnamed) "You don't look twenty-two."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "That's what it says on my ID."
  • (Unnamed) "Well, I could buy a drivers license that says I'm twenty-two. That doesn't make me twenty-two. So, is Mallory your real name?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "f*** me, you're a f***ing cop?"
  • (Unnamed) "No."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Oh, you're not a cop? Then come here and show me your cock."
  • (Unnamed) "Stop it. Stop that."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Prove you're not a cop."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm not a cop."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Take this back."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "That's about as close to my p***** as you're gonna get. f*** nuts."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "I really, really like older guys. They get me really wet."
  • (Unnamed) "Sweetheart, just sit still."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "You don't wanna have any fun?"
  • (Unnamed) "How about we just talk?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "You want me to talk dirty so you can get yourself off?"
  • (Unnamed) "Jesus Christ, no. No, okay?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Well, alright. You don't have to get mad at me. It's fine."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm not mad at you. Just persistent that's all."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Just trying to keep the customers happy."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm happy."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "You don't look very happy."
  • (Unnamed) "Hello?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Doug, I just got ripped off."
  • (Unnamed) "What?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "All my f***ing money is gone and I'm gonna f***ing kill this guy."
  • (Unnamed) "Alright, calm down. Where are you?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "I'm at the Aloha Motel. You don't know where it is."
  • (Unnamed) "Where are you from?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Why?"
  • (Unnamed) "Just making conversation."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "I'm from Florida."
  • (Unnamed) "Where in Florida?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Panhandle."
  • (Unnamed) "And you work in a strip club?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Better than working peep shows in Atlanta. Guys jerking off staring at your cooter like it was singing the Star Spangled f***ing Banner."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Hey, you think. I mean now that I know you're not a cop. You think I could have that $100 back? You said you just wanted to talk, right? And we've been talking. And I could do something else for the money too, if you want."
  • (Unnamed) "You can have your money back. Put it away."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Thanks, thank you."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Don't f***ing touch me."
  • (Melissa Leo) "Alright, listen to me. Please listen."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "I don't have to listen to you. You're not my f***ing mom."
  • (Unnamed) "Hey."
  • (Melissa Leo) "Doug, nevermind."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "I don't listen to people. This is my f***ing house. Just get the f*** out."
  • (Melissa Leo) "No. You don't know what you're doing to yourself, sweetheart."
  • (Unnamed) "Lois, don't."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Oh yeah, I don't know what I'm talking about? And I know more about what I do than you will ever know. How many cocks you swallowed?"
  • (Unnamed) "Hey. No. Alright."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "f***."
  • (Unnamed) "She didn't mean it."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "f*** you. Okay, just stop touching me."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Just stop f***ing touching me."
  • (Unnamed) "She didn't mean it."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Get the f*** off me."
  • (Melissa Leo) "Please, I'm sorry. Allison."
  • (Melissa Leo) "Let her go, Doug."
  • (Unnamed) "I just want to talk to her. Mallory."
  • (Melissa Leo) "Doug, let her go."
  • (Unnamed) "Hello?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Hey."
  • (Unnamed) "Where are you?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Uh, Houston. But I'm cutting out and heading to Vegas."
  • (Unnamed) "Are you okay?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Yeah, I'm fine. Don't sweat it."
  • (Unnamed) "Well I do sweat it. I can't help it. It's been two weeks."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Yeah I know. I was gonna call, I just."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Thanks for the cash that you left me. And the bag too. It's really getting a lot of use."
  • (Unnamed) "You're welcome. We're here, you know, anytime."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Will you tell Lois I'm sorry?"
  • (Unnamed) "For what?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Well, you know. Just about getting all up in her face like that."
  • (Unnamed) "Alright, I will."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "And don't be mad at me?"
  • (Unnamed) "I'm not mad at you. Not at all. I miss you. If that means anything to you."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "I miss you too. So Lois isn't gonna mind if I call you every once in a while, right?"
  • (Unnamed) "No, no absolutely not. And Lois wouldn't mind hearing from you either, you know, if you ever need female advice or whatever. She thinks you're smart. Too smart to be doing what you're doing."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Okay."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "You think it's all her fault?"
  • (Unnamed) "What?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Your daughter in the car crash."
  • (Unnamed) "She told you about that?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Yeah. Is that like a secret or something?"
  • (Unnamed) "Give me my lighter back."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Because it would really suck s*** if you blamed her for that."
  • (Unnamed) "I don't blame her. What are you talking about?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "She was being a good mom."
  • (Unnamed) "Who said she wasn't?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "So you don't think it's all her fault then?"
  • (Unnamed) "No. I don't know, we don't talk about it. Give me my lighter back."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "You should talk about it."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "How you doin' tonight?"
  • (Unnamed) "I'm okay. How about you?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Oh I'm real good. You want a private lap dance in the VIP room?"
  • (Unnamed) "Oh no, not right now. Thank you."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Not right now? I'm gonna be off work soon. Come on it's right upstairs. It's only $250. You get a bottle of champagne and me for an hour."
  • (Unnamed) "I don't drink champagne."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "I do."
  • (Unnamed) "Thank you, but."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Come on. An hour. Just you and me."
  • (Unnamed) "s***."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "You know those guys? You want the room?"
  • (Unnamed) "Alright."
  • (Unnamed) "How much do you owe?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Um, eleven hundred for the tickets and I guess whatever thirty-five times seven is."
  • (Unnamed) "Two hundred and forty-five dollars."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "What is that altogether?"
  • (Unnamed) "Well, eleven hundred dollars plus two hundred and forty-five dollars is thirteen hundred and forty-five dollars."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "f*** me."
  • (Unnamed) "You have a terrible vocabulary."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "f*** you."
  • (Unnamed) "You alright?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Yeah I just can't stand on the street without the cops coming by me like I'm a f***ing crack whore."
  • (Unnamed) "What happened?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "I came here with this guy and he kept trying to stick it in my f***ing ass and I was like yo, pencil dick back the f*** up and he wouldn't. I went to piss and I came back out and my wallet's sitting on the bed and all my s*** is everywhere and his car's gone and all I've got is f***ing shoes and like, I'm out 900 bucks."
  • (Unnamed) "900 dollars? Why in the hell would you carry that much money around with you?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Where else am I gonna keep it?"
  • (Unnamed) "I don't know, in the bank?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "What? I don't have a f***ing bank account."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "And this f***ing asshole won't give me the guy's address because he's friends with him. I'm gonna f***ing kill him."
  • (Unnamed) "Hey. What are you gonna do with his address?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "I'm gonna go get my money back."
  • (Unnamed) "No you're not. You're either going to call the police or you're going to drop it."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "I can't call the police, Doug. Don't be so f***ing stupid just help me."
  • (Unnamed) "Oh I'm stupid? You bring 900 dollars to a place like this and I'm stupid? You come here with assholes from that club. That's stupid."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Okay I'm really f***ing stupid."
  • (Unnamed) "Where are you going?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "I'm gonna go turn some tricks and make my money back."
  • (Unnamed) "No, no you're not. Come on we're going home."
  • (Unnamed) "Then go ahead. Go ahead then, god**** it."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Okay. I mean, f***ing, everything. Always I'm like, my whole life."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Forever. I mean forever."
  • (Unnamed) "I know."
  • (Unnamed) "I know. You're gonna be okay."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "I'm nobody's little girl. It's too late for that s***."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Hey, sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up."
  • (Melissa Leo) "That's alright. It's been a long day."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Where's Doug?"
  • (Melissa Leo) "He'll be back in a little while."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Okay."
  • (Melissa Leo) "Are you hungry?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Yeah. I got off early tonight. Business sucks."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "You wanna go around the corner and get a po'boy?"
  • (Melissa Leo) "What's a po'boy?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "It's like a sandwich."
  • (Melissa Leo) "Oh. Alright."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm not here for the fun part."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Oh. Well, hand jobs are $50 and I can do oral but it's $100 and you'd need a rubber."
  • (Unnamed) "No, thank you."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "I get $60 out of the $250 you gave the guy at the bar. You're not gonna tip me nothing?"
  • (Unnamed) "Here, this make it worth your while?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Wow. Thanks, Doug."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "I'm really not some kind of f***ing idiot who, like, doesn't know how to make a bed."
  • (Unnamed) "I didn't mean to imply that."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Well then maybe you shouldn't say s*** like that and think that I should know s*** that I haven't figured out yet."
  • (Unnamed) "Okay. Okay, I'm sorry. Alright?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Yeah, okay."
  • (Unnamed) "How come you haven't paid your electric bill?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "I have. My landlord keeps locking the fuse box. It's supposed to be included in the rent, but he's like this freak who wants me to suck him off while he videotapes it. He's a regular at the club. It's this whole scam he's got going. He only rents the place to strippers. But I told him, like, "I'm not gonna do your blow job videos and I'm not leaving because I got my rights." And he tries to scare me with the for sale sign s***. Like people are dying to buy this s***hole."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Hey you know me and Doug, we don't fool around or anything like that. I'm just saying I mean nothing like that."
  • (Melissa Leo) "I believe you."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Because, I mean, he's completely old school. It's crazy."
  • (Melissa Leo) "I believe you."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Don't be mad at me. I don't like being told what to do. I can't help it. And I'll lay off the curse words. I will I promise, okay?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "god**** it Doug. Please don't be mad at me."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm not mad at you."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "You're acting like you're mad at me."
  • (Unnamed) "No I'm not acting like I'm mad at you. Sit down. Take it easy. Come here."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Just don't be mad at me."
  • (Unnamed) "I got a business proposition for you."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Oh? Well, I told you that I don't do porn tapes. And I'm not gonna f*** your German Shepherd. I'm not going to Tokyo to turn tricks."
  • (Unnamed) "Can I just talk for a minute?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Yes, but the answer's no."
  • (Unnamed) "I'll give you $100 a day to stay at your place."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "What?"
  • (Unnamed) "$100 a day if I can stay at your place. I don't like hotels."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "No p*****?"
  • (Unnamed) "No."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "And I don't do anal either. Just so you know."
  • (Unnamed) "Thank God there's something you don't do."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Um, so $100 a day and you just live at my house?"
  • (Unnamed) "Yep."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "So you'll be my sugar daddy?"
  • (Kristen Stewart) "You know what that is?"
  • (Unnamed) "Kind of."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "You'll buy me cool things?"
  • (Unnamed) "I'll buy you a broom and a dustpan."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "How come you don't wanna f*** me?"
  • (Unnamed) "I prefer women my own age."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Why?"
  • (Unnamed) "They know what they're doing."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "I'm pretty good."
  • (Unnamed) "Sure you are."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "I think I give some pretty good head."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm sure you do."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "Let me show you."
  • (Unnamed) "No, no. Lie down."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "It is so weird. Being with a guy who don't wanna get it on."
  • (Unnamed) "Yeah, well, it's pretty weird being with you too."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "You don't like me?"
  • (Unnamed) "I do. I like you a lot."
  • (Kristen Stewart) "I like you too."

Eisa Davis as Vivian

  • (Unnamed) "I got this convention to go to in New Orleans at the end of the month. Why don't you come along?"
  • (Eisa Davis) "Don't do that."
  • (Unnamed) "What?"
  • (Eisa Davis) "Be unpredictable."
  • (Unnamed) "Come on, we'll have fun. Just the two of us. Why not? I mean it."
  • (Eisa Davis) "I don't even have a suitcase."
  • (Unnamed) "I'll buy you a suitcase."

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