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Weekend at Bernie's Quotes

Weekend at Bernie's is a TV show that appeared on TV in 1970 . Weekend at Bernie's ended its run in 1970.

It features Victor Drai as producer, Andy Summers in charge of musical score, and François Protat as head of cinematography.

Weekend at Bernie's is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Weekend at Bernie's is 97 minutes long. Weekend at Bernie's is distributed by 20th Century Fox.

The cast includes: Andrew McCarthy as Larry Wilson, Catherine Mary Stewart as Gwen Saunders, Jonathan Silverman as Richard Parker, Eloise Broady DeJoria as Tawny, and Terry Kiser as Bernie Lomax.

Weekend at Bernie's Quotes

Andrew McCarthy as Larry Wilson

  • (Unnamed) "Hot enough for ya, Larry?"
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "No, Harris. Why don't you turn up the heat?"
  • (Unnamed) "OK, I'll tell the engineer."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Let's go to the beach."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "No."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "We're gonna be here our whole lives."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "Yeah, I'm afraid so."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "I'm going to the beach."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "What are you doing-What are you doing? Gimme those papers."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "These papers are going to the beach."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "We are not going to the beach."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Want these? They're coming to the beach."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "Yes, we're going to the beach."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Wilson at the five. Oh, that was beautiful. Replay."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "Gimme those papers."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "I give it an 8.3."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Man overboard."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "This is good for me."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "How do you like that? The guy gets laid more times dead than I do alive."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "And -- I lose again."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "I won. Lar, I have a date."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "You're kidding?"
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "No. Gwen and I, Thursday night, 8:00pm, dinner."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Fabulous."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "It was the clumsy approach. It worked."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "You're gonna wanna borrow my apartment."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "Oh no, but thank you. That's sweet, but I can't do that to you. Thank you."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Rich, if she finds out you live with your folks, you're gonna embarrass yourself."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "Yeah. Yeah, I know. But I can't do that to you, Larry."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "It's the coackroaches isn't it?"
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "Well --"
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "They scatter when the light goes on."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Why are you shooting us? We're just friends of Bernie's."
  • (Paulie, Vito's Hit Man) "I hate -- Bernie's friends."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Company --"
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "I didn't see anything. I was looking at my watch."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "I'm blind."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "It's empty."
  • (Paulie, Vito's Hit Man) "That's right."
  • (Paulie, Vito's Hit Man) "But this ain't."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "It's just Bernie."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "What kind of a host invites you to his house for the weekend and dies on you?"
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "You think it's safe to go in the water?"
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "Nah, better not. You just ate. You might get cramps."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "I'll risk it."
  • (Mugger) "Give me all your money and your wallets."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Aw, get your ass outta here, it's too hot."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Why don't we just pretend he didn't die? Just for a bit."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "I have an idea."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "What? What is it?"
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Lomax told whoever he was talking to not to kill us while he's around."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "Yes, but Bernie's dead. He's not around anymore."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Yeah. I know that. You know that. Nobody else knows that."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) ""A little brown-nosing, a little ass-kissing, work our way up that corporate ladder?" WHY can't you be a lazy s*** like I am?"

Jonathan Silverman as Richard Parker

  • (Jonathan Silverman) "Bernie is waiting for us."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Look, Bernie isn't going anywhere."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "Now all of this could be yours, Lar, if you set your goals and work hard."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "My old man worked hard. All they did was give him more work. Ah."
  • (Eloise Broady DeJoria) "Bernie?"
  • (Eloise Broady DeJoria) "Hi. Is Bernie around?"
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Hello. No, we haven't seen him, but we just got here. We're gonna be here all weekend. We're house-guests."
  • (Eloise Broady DeJoria) "Well, tell him Tawny borrowed his boat to go skiing."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Hi, Tawny. I'm horny."
  • (Eloise Broady DeJoria) "Oh, Hi. Look, don't forget to tell Bernie, okay?"
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "Okay."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "Uh, Tawny, you wouldn't happen to know where Bernie is, would ya?"
  • (Eloise Broady DeJoria) "Oh, he's probably making the rounds. Everybody parties from house to house, but they always end up here sooner or later. Bye."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "And you didn't wanna come."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "I was wrong. I admit it, I was wrong."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "Well, you're a half hour late."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Only half hour? I'm usually forty-five minutes late. I'm early today."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "Paddling -- In the Atlantic Ocean -- On a dead body. This is now the perfect weekend. It started when I almost broke my leg jumping on a moving ferry. I get to this beautiful beech and my host -- Sorry. He's dead. I fell down a lighthouse. I had a corpse wash up next to me on the shore. I then I find out that my dead boss? He's not only a thief; he wants to kill me. I almost drown. The girl of my dreams now thinks I'm a raving lunatic. And now we're going back to the house of death."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Great weekend, huh?"
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "Great weekend."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "This is the note. Listen. "Richard Parker and I stole this money from the company to pay for my sex-change operation.""
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "What?"
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "That's what it says."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) ""Now he tells me he loves someone else. I can't live with that, and niether will he." It's got my name written on it."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "Oh God."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Son of a bitch. I mean, it's not bad enough that he's trying to kill me. Now he's trying to turn me into a drag queen. Why couldn't he have said you were going to have the operation?"
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "It doesn't matter, Larry, it doesn't matter."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Oh, yes it does matter, Richard, it does matter. I have a reputation to protect here."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "For Christ's sake, Larry. No one is going to have a sex-change operation, huh?"
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Oh yeah. I've gotta call the cops."
  • (Beach Bum) "You in here, Lomax, you little bastard?"
  • (Beach Bum) "You jerk?"
  • (Beach Bum) "Kick me in the ass. It's my turn now."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "Got him, Lar."

Terry Kiser as Bernie Lomax

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Eloise Broady DeJoria as Tawny

  • (Eloise Broady DeJoria) "Hi, guys. I'm Tawny. Bernie said I could borrow his boat for the day; I've come to get the keys."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Hi Tawny. I'm horny."

Catherine Mary Stewart as Gwen Saunders

  • (Catherine Mary Stewart) "Richard. Richard, there's a man -- in his underwear -- in your kitchen."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "It's ok. He's with me. He's my, um -- my butler."
  • (Catherine Mary Stewart) "You have a butler?"
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "Yeah, it's okay, shh -- he'll go away."
  • (Jack Parker, Richard's Dad) "Oh. Oh. I didn't realize you had company. Good evening, young lady."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "That's all right, Monroe. Yes, would you just go lay out my blue pinstripe for the morning?"
  • (Jack Parker, Richard's Dad) "How about if I lay you out?"
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "Very well."
  • (Catherine Mary Stewart) "Richard, just tell me what is going on."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Look honey, Bernie's dead, they guys that killed 'em are now after us, can we hide out at your place or what?"
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "."
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "It's just Bernie."
  • (Catherine Mary Stewart) "Aaaaah. Aaaah."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "Gwen, we didn't do this to him."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "Look at us. Do we look like the kind of people who could kill someone?"
  • (Andrew McCarthy) "Come on, honey, sit down, take a load off, have a drink, you'll be fine."
  • (Jonathan Silverman) "Let me rephrase that. Do I look like the kind of person that could kill someone?"

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