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Wag the Dog Quotes

Wag the Dog is a TV program that first aired in 1970 . Wag the Dog ended in 1970.

It features Barry Levinson, and Robert De Niro as producer, Mark Knopfler in charge of musical score, and Robert Richardson (cinematographer) as head of cinematography.

Wag the Dog is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Wag the Dog is 97 minutes long. Wag the Dog is distributed by New Line Cinema.

The cast includes: Dustin Hoffman as Stanley Motss, Anne Heche as Winifred Ames, Denis Leary as Fad King, John Michael Higgins as John Levy, Kirsten Dunst as Tracy Lime, Anne Heche as Faye, and Willie Nelson as Johnny Dean.

Wag the Dog Quotes

Dustin Hoffman as Stanley Motss

  • (Dustin Hoffman) "I bet you're great at chess."
  • (Conrad 'Connie' Brean) "I would be if I could remember how all the pieces moved."
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "I could have gone here."
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "The war isn't over 'til I say it's over. This is my picture; this is NOT the CIA's picture. You think you're in a tight spot now? Alright, Conrad, try making The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse; tell 'im, King."
  • (Denis Leary) "Three of the horseman died."
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "Hear what he's saying? Three of the horseman DIED. Two weeks before the end of principal photography. This is NOTHING. This is nothing, this is; this is; this is just, "Act One, The War". Now we really do need an Act Two."
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "This is politics at its finest."
  • (Conrad 'Connie' Brean) "Stanley, don't do this. You're playing with your life here."
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "Fuck my life. I want the credit."
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "Look at that. That is a complete fucking fraud, and it looks a hundred percent real. It's the best work I've ever done in my life, because it's so honest."
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "It's all, you know, thinking ahead thinking ahead."
  • (Conrad 'Connie' Brean) "It's like being a plumber."
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "Yea, it's like a plumber: do your job right and nobody should notice. But when you fuck it up, everything gets full of shit."
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "Suck on this, you Howdy Doody looking vonce."
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "Oh, it's better than lovely. This guy made a deal with Governor Knee-High of Vermont --"
  • (Anne Heche) "Senator Leahy."
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "I'm in show business, yes? Why come to me?"
  • (Conrad 'Connie' Brean) "Well I'll tell you why, Mr Motss. '54-40-Or Fight', what does that mean?"
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "It's a slogan, it's from the, uh --"
  • (Conrad 'Connie' Brean) "'Remember the Maine'."
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "Oh yeah, that's from; that's gotta be from the, uh --"
  • (Conrad 'Connie' Brean) "'Tippecanoe and Tyler Too'."
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "No, that's not, uh --"
  • (Conrad 'Connie' Brean) "They're war slogans, Mr. Motss. We remember the slogans, we can't even remember the fucking wars. You know why? That's show business. That's why we're here. Naked girl covered in Napalm. 'V for Victory'. Five Marines raising the flag, Mt. Suribachi. You remember the picture 50 years from now, you'll have forgotten the war. The Gulf War, smart bomb falling down a chimney. 2500 missions a day, 100 days. ONE video of ONE bomb Mr. Motts, the American people bought that war. War is show business; that's why we're here."
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "And what do you for the President?"
  • (Conrad 'Connie' Brean) "You watched the Gulf War, what do you see day after day? The one smart bomb falling down the chimney. The truth? I was in the building when we shot that shot; we shot in a studio, Falls Church, Virginia. One-tenth scale model of a building."
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "Is that true?"
  • (Conrad 'Connie' Brean) "How the fuck do we know? You take my point?"
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "Oh, god, he's dead. Oh, my god -- oh, my -- oh --"
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "Wait a minute, wait a minute, he's not dead. He's all right --"
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "Strike that."
  • (Conrad 'Connie' Brean) "Well, if Kissinger can win the Peace Prize, I wouldn't be surprised to wake up and find out I'd won the Preakness."
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "Well, yes but, our guy DID bring peace."
  • (Conrad 'Connie' Brean) "Yeah, but there wasn't a war."
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "All the greater accomplishment."
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "No no no no no, fuck freedom."
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "Haven't had this much fun since live TV."
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "When it's cooking, it's cooking."

Anne Heche as Winifred Ames

  • (Anne Heche) "What have you done to me?"
  • (Conrad 'Connie' Brean) "Winifred --"
  • (Anne Heche) "What have you done to me?"
  • (Conrad 'Connie' Brean) "All combat takes place at night, in the rain, and at the junction of four map segments --"
  • (Anne Heche) "What are you going to do?"
  • (Anne Heche) "So when we touch down tomorrow, Big Bird is going to meet Schumann at the airport, huh?"
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "Big mistake, big mistake. You gotta bring them in by stages. Big mistake to reveal Schumann before the election."
  • (Anne Heche) "How so?"
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "Sweetheart, Schumann is the shark. Okay? Schumann is Jaws, you know? You have to tease them. You gotta tease them. You don't put Jaws in the first reel of the movie. It's the contract, sweetheart. The contract of the election, whether they know it or not, is "Vote for me Tuesday, Wednesday I'll produce Schumann." See, that's what they're paying their seven bucks for."
  • (Anne Heche) "How are we going to explain that when the world is watching?"
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "Fuck the world. Try a ten a.m. script meeting, coked to the gills, no sleep and you haven't even read the treatment."
  • (Anne Heche) "When we asked for "special programs", they gave us special prisons."
  • (Conrad 'Connie' Brean) "Yeah, well -- little bit of a difference."
  • (Anne Heche) "Has he been in jail long?"
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "Twelve years."
  • (Anne Heche) "Does he have much longer to serve?"
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "Mmm."
  • (Anne Heche) "What did he do?"
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "He raped a nun --"
  • (Anne Heche) "Oh, God. Oh, God. Jes -- oh, God."
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "And --"
  • (Anne Heche) ""And"? I don't want to know an "and". Why is there an "and"?"
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "Look, look, look, look, look. He's fine as long as he gets his medications --"
  • (Anne Heche) "And if he doesn't get his medications?"
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "He's not fine."
  • (Anne Heche) "Oh, God. What do we do now? Huh? Huh? What do we do now, huh, boy producer? Huh? Mister win-an-Emmy, social-conscience, whale-shit, save-the-rain-forest, peacenik-commie, fuckin'-hire-a-convict-shithead? Huh? What do we do now, liberal, affirmative action, shithead, peacenik commie fuck? What do you want to do now?"
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "This is nothing. Piece of cake. Producing is being a samurai warrior. They pay you day in, day out for years so that one day when called upon, you can respond, your training at its peak, and save the day."
  • (Anne Heche) "Fuck you."
  • (Conrad 'Connie' Brean) "Leave it alone. What did television ever do to you?"
  • (Anne Heche) "It destroyed the electoral process."
  • (Anne Heche) "Why Albania?"
  • (Conrad 'Connie' Brean) "Why not?"
  • (Anne Heche) "What have they done to us?"
  • (Conrad 'Connie' Brean) "What have they done FOR us? What do you know about them?"
  • (Anne Heche) "Nothing."
  • (Conrad 'Connie' Brean) "See? They keep to themselves. Shifty. Untrustable."

Denis Leary as Fad King

  • (Denis Leary) "We're locked into Albania; Why?"
  • (Willie Nelson) "Albania's hard to rhyme."
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "What are you looking at me for? It's the name of the country."
  • (Willie Nelson) ""Albania, Albania -- ""
  • (Dustin Hoffman) "That rhymes."

Kirsten Dunst as Tracy Lime

  • (Conrad 'Connie' Brean) "You can't tell anyone about this."
  • (Kirsten Dunst) "It is like a union thing?"

Willie Nelson as Johnny Dean

  • (Willie Nelson) "I was just on my way to get drunk."

John Michael Higgins as John Levy

  • (Conrad 'Connie' Brean) "You're goddamn right, then it's got nothing to do with the B-3 Bomber."
  • (John Michael Higgins) "There is no B-3 bomber."
  • (Conrad 'Connie' Brean) "I just said that. There is no B-3 bomber, and I don't know why these rumors get started."

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