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Victor/Victoria Quotes

Victor/Victoria is a television program that debuted in 1970 . Victor/Victoria completed its run in 1970.

It features Tony Adams (producer) as producer, Songs: in charge of musical score, and Dick Bush as head of cinematography.

Victor/Victoria is recorded in English and originally aired in United Kingdom. Each episode of Victor/Victoria is 132 minutes long. Victor/Victoria is distributed by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.

The cast includes: Robert Preston as Toddy, Julie Andrews as Victoria, James Garner as King Marchand, Ina Skriver as Simone Kallisto, Malcolm Jamieson as Richard DiNardo, Maria Charles as Madame President, Lesley Ann Warren as Norma, Peter Arne as Labisse, and Geoffrey Beevers as Police Inspector.

Victor/Victoria Quotes

Lesley Ann Warren as Norma

  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "You two-timing son of a bitch. He's a woman."
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "Thinks he can just push me around. Thinks I'm just gonna hop on the next boat for the States and that'll be that. Well, you've got another thing coming Mr. Big-shot Fairy Marchand. 'Cause Mrs. Cassidy's little goil Norma ain't gonna take this one lyin' down."
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "-- And don't kid yourself. You ain't seen the last of me yet."
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "Oh, you okay?"
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "I just love Frenchmen."
  • (Robert Preston) "Oh, so do I."
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "You're kidding? You really are -- queer?"
  • (Robert Preston) "Ah. We prefer "gay"."
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "But -- you're so -- attractive."
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) ". Well, I just think it's a terrible waste."
  • (Robert Preston) "Well, if it's any consolation, I assure you it is not wasted."
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "You know -- I think that the right woman could reform you."
  • (Robert Preston) "You know, I think that the right woman could reform you, too."
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "Me? Give up men? Forget it."
  • (Robert Preston) "You took the words right out of my mouth."
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "Hi Sal. Thanks for comin' by."
  • (Sal Andratti) "Norma, what's on ya mind?"
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "K-K-K-K-K-K-King"
  • (Sal Andratti) "Shackin' up wit' anutha dame."
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "No, anudda guy."
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "It's terrible."
  • (Sal Andratti) "Run that by me again."
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "Well"
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "there's this Polish fairy y'see --"
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "Pooky -- it's no big deal."
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "It happens to everyone -- men, mean. We're lucky -- women, I mean -- we can fake it if we have to."
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "Oh, oh, don't get me wrong -- I never have with you. Faked it, I mean. With you it's like -- pow, pow, pow, like the fourth of July, every time. But just tonight, cause you couldn't -- up to now, it's been grand, Pooky, really, really grand, but if there's one thing I know for sure, you can't let it get you, you should excuse the expression, down. You can't think about it, you just gotta put it out of your mind. The more you think about it, the more you worry. The more you worry, the more you think,"
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "think, worry, worry, think -- mm. too soft -- It just gets like a vicious cycle. And then, before you know it, you are impudent."
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "What's with the soap?"

Robert Preston as Toddy

  • (Robert Preston) "Remember, you're a drag queen."
  • (Robert Preston) "Thank you, thank you, you're most kind. In fact, you're every kind. I see we have a celebrity with us tonight. Miss Simone Kallisto, star of stage, screen, and an occasional circus. Take a bow, darling."
  • (Ina Skriver) "Up yours, cherie."
  • (Robert Preston) "And speaking of the circus, aren't you Richard Dinardo, the well-known trapeze artist?"
  • (Malcolm Jamieson) "Careful, Toddy."
  • (Maria Charles) "You're not really funny, y'know. So why don't ya just piss off?"
  • (Robert Preston) "You. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, bringing your sweet old mother into a place like this."
  • ('Squash' Bernstein) "Apparently the mob doesn't find homosexuality to be an acceptable lifestyle --"
  • (Robert Preston) "Kill him, but mustn't kiss him."
  • (Robert Preston) "God, there'd been times I'd given my soul to cry like that."
  • (Julie Andrews) "I hate it."
  • (Robert Preston) "You wouldn't if you couldn't do it anymore."
  • (Robert Preston) "Are you impugning this lady's integrity?"
  • (Waiter) "She's impugning my salad."
  • (Robert Preston) "You were going to trade your virtue for a meatball."
  • (Julie Andrews) "Well, I was out of my mind with hunger at the time, and at least it was something for something."
  • (Robert Preston) "When people speak of Gay Paree / They think that when they say Paree is gay / They mean that Gay Paree is "Gay." / It is not in the way Paree was gay in yesterday Paree / It means today that Gay Paree is Gay."
  • (Robert Preston) "Not that gay."
  • (Robert Preston) "You know, it's very strange. At the club, I thought you were just about at the end of your rope."
  • (Julie Andrews) "Oh, I was. I am. This is the first decent meal I've had in almost four days."
  • (Robert Preston) "And you can't pay for it?"
  • (Julie Andrews) "Caseé."
  • (Robert Preston) "And you want me to have dinner with you?"
  • (Julie Andrews) "I want you to have the best damn dinner you ever had. Have two. I started off with the roast chicken and I segued to boeuf bourguignon. It's anybody's guess what I could end up with."
  • (Robert Preston) "Oh, I'd guess about thirty days."
  • (Julie Andrews) "If all goes well, I expect to leave here poor, but sated. I have a -- a bug in my purse. At the appropriate moment, it goes in my salad."
  • (Robert Preston) "It'll never work."
  • (Julie Andrews) "A bug in my salad?"
  • (Robert Preston) "In a place like this, it would be an event if there WASN'T a bug in your salad."
  • (Julie Andrews) "What about a -- cockroach?"
  • (Robert Preston) "A cockroach."
  • (Julie Andrews) "Shhh. Bigger than your thumb."
  • (Robert Preston) "Ew, God."

Julie Andrews as Victoria

  • (Julie Andrews) "Your problem, Mr. Marchand, is that you're preoccupied with stereotypes. I think it's as simple as you're one kind of man, I'm another."
  • (James Garner) "And what kind are you?"
  • (Julie Andrews) "One that doesn't have to prove it. To myself, or anyone."
  • (Julie Andrews) "The bourguignon was just a little tough."
  • (Waiter) "Maybe the way you are eating your jaws are getting tired."
  • (Robert Preston) "Speaking of overworked jaws, why don't you treat yours to a sabbatical and fetch me a wine list?"
  • (Julie Andrews) "This is all they have."
  • (Robert Preston) "This? The last time I saw a specimen like this, they had to shoot the horse."
  • (Waiter) "How lucky can you get? In one evening a Rockefeller -- and a Groucho Marx."
  • (Robert Preston) "Oh, they didn't shoot a real horse -- just a costume with two waiters in it."
  • (Waiter) "I shall think of a sharp retort while I am getting your roast chicken."
  • (Robert Preston) "It's a wise man who knows when to throw in the towel."
  • (Waiter) "And it is a moron who gives advice to a horse's arse."
  • (Julie Andrews) "Let me ask you a question."
  • (Robert Preston) "You want to know if I'm a homosexual."
  • (Julie Andrews) "No. I want to know if you're a hypochondriac."
  • (Julie Andrews) "You know, pretending to be a man does have its disadvantages."
  • (Robert Preston) "My dear Count, you just said a cotton pickin' mouthful."
  • (Julie Andrews) "Oh, what happened?"
  • (Manager of Victoria's hotel) "You made a certain offer to me which I could not refuse, and then you pretended to faint."
  • (Julie Andrews) "Don't be ridiculous, I never pretend to faint --"
  • (Julie Andrews) "What are you doing?"
  • (Manager of Victoria's hotel) "I am, uh, helping you to stand up."
  • (Julie Andrews) "That's funny, I thought I was standing up."
  • (Manager of Victoria's hotel) "Maybe you'd like to lie down."
  • (Julie Andrews) "You're confusing me."
  • (Julie Andrews) "In spite of what you think, Monsieur Labisse, there are professions where practice does make perfect."
  • (Peter Arne) "What in hell was that?"
  • (Robert Preston) "B flat."
  • (Julie Andrews) "I was the leading soprano for the Bath Touring Light Opera Company --"
  • (Robert Preston) "You're very athletic for a soprano."
  • (Julie Andrews) "That's because I had three brothers."
  • (Robert Preston) "Oh, I know what you mean. I grew up with two older sisters."
  • (Julie Andrews) "Could I see the wine list?"
  • (Waiter) "We have a white 1934, we have a red 1934. Last week we had some Rosee, but we're using it in the salad."
  • (Julie Andrews) "Well it's probably for the best."
  • (James Garner) "That's as bad as "love is a two-way street.""
  • (Julie Andrews) "What it lacks in originality it makes up for in prophecy."
  • (Julie Andrews) "All I want is a nice hot bath."
  • (Robert Preston) "Oh, I had one once. You'll love it."
  • (Julie Andrews) "I know this is going to sound crazy, but I don't know if I'm even gonna be able to sleep, I'm so tired."
  • (Robert Preston) "I'll get you a cognac."
  • (Julie Andrews) "That'll help me sleep?"
  • (Robert Preston) "No, but it makes staying awake a hell of a lot more fun."

James Garner as King Marchand

  • (James Garner) "I just find it hard to believe that you're a man."
  • (Julie Andrews) "Because you found me attractive as a woman?"
  • (James Garner) "Yes, as a matter of fact."
  • (Julie Andrews) "That happens frequently."
  • (James Garner) "Not to me."
  • (Julie Andrews) "Just proves the old adage: "There's a first time for everything.""
  • (James Garner) "I don't think so."
  • (Julie Andrews) "But you're not a hundred per cent sure?"
  • (James Garner) "Practically."
  • (Julie Andrews) "Ah, but to a man like you, someone who believes he could never, under any circumstances find another man attractive, the margin between "practically" and "for sure" must be as wide as the Grand Canyon."
  • (James Garner) "Stick around, I might want to play some golf."
  • ('Squash' Bernstein) "Boss, it's snowing outside."
  • (James Garner) "We'll use red balls."
  • (James Garner) "Hey, Squash --"
  • ('Squash' Bernstein) "Yeah?"
  • (James Garner) "Can I ask you a -- personal question?"
  • ('Squash' Bernstein) "Go ahead."
  • (James Garner) "How long, I mean -- exactly when did you know you --"
  • ('Squash' Bernstein) "How long have I been gay?"
  • (James Garner) "Yeah."
  • ('Squash' Bernstein) "Oh, God, I can't remember when I wasn't."
  • (James Garner) "I've known you for fifteen years --"
  • ('Squash' Bernstein) "You know a lot of guys, boss, you'd be surprised."
  • (James Garner) "But, you were all-American. I never saw a rougher, tougher, meaner, sonofabitch football player in all my life."
  • ('Squash' Bernstein) "Boss, if you didn't want the guys to call you queer, you became a rough tough sonofabitchin' football player."
  • (James Garner) "Why don't you watch where you're going, huh?"
  • (Large Man's Companion) "He says that it was your fault and suggests that you apologize."
  • (James Garner) "Oh, he does, does he?"
  • ('Squash' Bernstein) "Come on, boss --"
  • (James Garner) "No, no, no --"
  • (James Garner) "Well, you tell him if he'd like an apology, he can just get him some gloves and I'll see him in the ring."
  • (Large Man's Companion) "Just give him ten minutes. He will be delighted to oblige."
  • (James Garner) ""He'll be delighted to oblige." Who the hell does he think he is?"
  • ('Squash' Bernstein) "Guy Langois, the French middleweight boxing champion."
  • ('Squash' Bernstein) "But don't worry."
  • ('Squash' Bernstein) "He's gay."
  • (James Garner) "If you were a man, I'd knock your block off."
  • (Julie Andrews) "And prove that you're a man?"
  • (James Garner) "That's a woman's argument."
  • (James Garner) "I don't care if you are a man."
  • (Julie Andrews) "I'm -- not a man."
  • (James Garner) "I still don't care."
  • (James Garner) "Milk."
  • (Unnamed) "Would that be cow's milk, monsieur, or mother's milk?"
  • (James Garner) "How about your sister's?"
  • (James Garner) "Look out."
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "YOU SON OF A BITCH."
  • ('Squash' Bernstein) "Now, Norma --"
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "NOBODY PUTS SOAP IN MY MOUTH, NOT EVEN MY MOTHER."
  • ('Squash' Bernstein) "You're being very childish --"
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "I'M GONNA KILL HIM. I'M GONNA KILL YOU TOO, YOU BIG, MUSCLE-BOUND --"
  • ('Squash' Bernstein) "Now, listen you have to learn to control yourself --"
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "OH. I'LL KILL --"
  • ('Squash' Bernstein) "Oh, s***."
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "THIS IS IT. I'M GONNA KILL YOU --"
  • (Lesley Ann Warren) "LET ME IN THERE."
  • (James Garner) "You and your ideas. "Why don't you take her to Paris with you, Boss?""
  • ('Squash' Bernstein) "I just thought she'd help you relax."
  • (James Garner) "NEVER help me relax."
  • ('Squash' Bernstein) "Then send her home."
  • (James Garner) "Why don't you ever come up with a really good idea?"
  • ('Squash' Bernstein) "For instance?"
  • (James Garner) "YOU send her home."

Peter Arne as Labisse

  • (Charles Bovin, Private Investigator) "You called. I am Charles Bovin, Private Investigator."
  • (Peter Arne) "Good. There is something I want you to find out."
  • (Charles Bovin, Private Investigator) "At your service."
  • (Peter Arne) "Be very careful."
  • (Charles Bovin, Private Investigator) "Monsieur, I am always careful."
  • (Peter Arne) "That stool is broken."
  • (Charles Bovin, Private Investigator) "It is?"

Geoffrey Beevers as Police Inspector

  • (Geoffrey Beevers) "You IDIOT -- that's a man."
  • (Peter Arne) "That's not possible."
  • (Geoffrey Beevers) "Oh yeah? Well when I walked in, the person in that room was naked from the waist down, and if that was a woman, then she was wearing the greatest disguise that I have ever seen."

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