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Topsy-Turvy Quotes

Topsy-Turvy is a television program that appeared on TV in 1970 . Topsy-Turvy stopped airing in 1970.

It features Simon Channing Williams as producer, Sir Arthur Sullivan; W. S. Gilbert; Carl Davis in charge of musical score, and Dick Pope (cinematographer) as head of cinematography.

Topsy-Turvy is recorded in English and originally aired in United Kingdom. Each episode of Topsy-Turvy is 160 minutes long. Topsy-Turvy is distributed by Pathé Distribution.

The cast includes: Jim Broadbent as Gilbert, Timothy Spall as Richard Temple, Allan Corduner as Sullivan, Ron Cook as Richard D'Oyly Carte, Sam Kelly as Richard Barker, Theresa Watson as Maude Gilbert, Kevin McKidd as Durward Lely, Martin Savage as George Grossmith, Charles Simon as Wilhelm, Vincent Franklin as Rutland Barrington, Dorothy Atkinson as Jessie Bond, and Alison Steadman as Madame Leon.

Topsy-Turvy Quotes

Jim Broadbent as Gilbert

  • (Jim Broadbent) "Oh, for God's sake you pair of bloody harpies; get out, I'm WORKING."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "I don't quite know how to take praise. It makes my eye red."
  • (Jim Broadbent) ""Sullivan & Gilbert"? Who are they?"
  • (Unnamed) "She is a veritable gorgon."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "She is indeed, and she has chosen her own path, and in so doing, she has turned her back on yourself and myself. And for that small mercy we should both of us be eternally grateful."
  • (Unnamed) "I do apologize, sir, that neither I nor Schwenck was here to welcome you on your arrival last night."
  • (Unnamed) "I do not appreciate being left upon the doorstep like a hawker."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "If you'll only take the trouble to press the electric bell, Father, you'll be admitted at once. Is that not so, Pidgeon?"
  • (Unnamed) "Indeed it is, sir."
  • (Unnamed) "I have no intention of placing my life in danger, sir."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "How many doorstep deaths have we had thus far, Pidgeon?"
  • (Unnamed) "None to my certain knowledge, sir."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "There you are, Father. The odds would appear to be in your favour."
  • (Unnamed) "I must say, my wife and I did find "Princess Ida" rather too long, don't you know."
  • (Unnamed) "Try not to speak, old chap."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "Thus. The traditional Japanese posture adopted by well-meaning, but misguided, underlings upon the departure of their august superiors."
  • (Martin Savage) "Would that be a recognised Japanese attitude, sir?"
  • (Jim Broadbent) "Not as yet, Grossmith, but I have every confidence that it shall become one."
  • (Unnamed) "You are going to have a definite success, sir."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "Merci."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "What do you expect me to do, kiss the carpenters?"
  • (Jim Broadbent) "I have other things on my mind, you know that."
  • (Unnamed) "Yes, I do know that, Willie, and I understand, but a little distraction will do you good."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "Kitty, I don't want to be distracted."
  • (Unnamed) "Yes, you do."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "Oh, do I? You know my mind better than I do, do you?"
  • (Unnamed) "I know you better than you think I do, Willie."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "Madam, I had rather spend an afternoon in a Turkish bath with my mother than visit the dratted dentist."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "Now, Miss "Sixpence, Please"; what you have just witnessed is not even remotely Japanese, am I right?"
  • (Jim Broadbent) "Sir; Japanese."
  • (Japanese Man) "Japanese."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "No."
  • (Japanese Man) "No."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "Thank you very much --"
  • (Unnamed) "Excuse me, Mr. Gilbert sir, if I may?"
  • (Unnamed) "Japanese."
  • (Japanese Man) "Japanese."
  • (Unnamed) "Yes."
  • (Japanese Man) "Yes."
  • (Unnamed) "See, he hasn't got the faintest idea what you're talkin' about."
  • (Unnamed) "It's a fine-looking instrument, sir. Now would that be Spanish or Italian?"
  • (Jim Broadbent) "Neither, Pidgeon."
  • (Unnamed) "Of course, sir."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "How was your crossing, Sullivan?"
  • (Allan Corduner) "Mercifully smooth, thank you."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "As smooth as D'Oyly Carte?"
  • (Allan Corduner) "No, not quite, Gilbert."
  • (Unnamed) "Am I to understand, sir, that you have been in communication with your mother?"
  • (Jim Broadbent) "No, Father, not for some considerable time, I'm glad to say."
  • (Unnamed) "You are a liar, sir."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "No, sir. I can assure you, Papa, that the very last person with whom I wish to have any communication at all is your estranged wife, the vicious woman who bore me into this ridiculous world."
  • (Unnamed) "How dare you, sir? Have you no respect?"
  • (Jim Broadbent) "Don't misunderstand me, Father. Nobody respects her more than I do, and I can't stand the woman."
  • (Unnamed) "My goodness. It's perfectly green."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "Spinach water."
  • (Unnamed) "Oh, Willie."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "Thank you very much."
  • (Unnamed) "Shickerspen, preas."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "I beg your pardon?"
  • (Unnamed) "Shickerspen, preas."
  • (Unnamed) "Oh, she speaks English."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "What did she say?"
  • (Unnamed) "She said, "Sixpence, please.""
  • (Jim Broadbent) "Your performances were, on the whole, promising, which is more than can be said, alas, for that of the sliding doors. One of which might have thought it was in Japan, but the other was apparently stubbornly laboring under the misapprehension that it was on holiday in Yorkshire."
  • (Sam Kelly) "Where was the man, Mr. Seymour?"
  • (Unnamed) "Rest assured, Mr. Barker, that tomorrow night he will be with us in Japan."
  • (Unnamed) "A father should not have to seek permission to visit his own son."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "The son shouldn't be expected to be clairvoyant."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "Can we do that line again please, Barrington, and this time try it in English."
  • (Unnamed) "I've made you some beef tea, Mr. Gilbert."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "Take it away."
  • (Unnamed) "You've not had anything since yesterday afternoon, sir."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "Take it away."
  • (Unnamed) "You can't work on an empty stomach."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "I can't work at all, Mrs. Judd, if I'm being constantly pestered by interfering women with hot beef tea, cold compresses, mustard poultices, and excessive attacks of philanthropic zeal."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "A terrible thing has just happened, Grossmith. You've become a cockney."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "You have my sympathies, Lely. But unfortunately your avocation as an actor compels you on occasion to endure the most ignominious indignities, as Grossmith will doubtless testify."
  • (Martin Savage) "Without question, sir."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "I was unable to present you with the libretto until you returned from your Grand Tour of Europe."
  • (Allan Corduner) "That is neither here nor there."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "No, Sullivan, indeed. I was here and you were there."
  • (Unnamed) "I should rather like to be an actor, upon the stage."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "An actor?"
  • (Unnamed) "Yes. Wouldn't it be wondrous if perfectly commonplace people gave each other a round of applause at the end of the day?"
  • (Unnamed) "Well done, Kitty. Well done."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "What are you writing, sir?"
  • (Jim Broadbent) "Every theatrical performance is a contrivance by its very nature."
  • (Allan Corduner) "Yes, but this piece consists entirely of an artificial and implausible situation."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "If you wish to write a Grand Opera about a prostitute, dying of consumption in a garret, I suggest you contact Mr Ibsen in Oslo. I am sure he will be able to furnish you with something suitably dull."

Martin Savage as George Grossmith

  • (Martin Savage) "The Hottentot in the desert doesn't play cricket. His natural habitation being the jungly-bungly tree, he is as yet hardly able to walk upright, don't you know."
  • (Martin Savage) ""Well, a nice mess you've got us into, with your nodding head, and the deference due to a man of pedigree.""
  • (Jim Broadbent) "Mr. Grossmith, you are under sentence of death, "by something lingering, either boiling oil or melted lead." Kindly bear that in mind."
  • (Unnamed) "Oh, but it's too late. I'm a dead man, and I'm off for my honeymoon."
  • (Martin Savage) "Uncanny, is it not?"
  • (Jim Broadbent) "Mr. Seymour, please inform Mr. Lely that his services will no longer be required."
  • (Martin Savage) "I have a meeting with Carte this afternoon."
  • (Martin Savage) "At what hour?"
  • (Vincent Franklin) "Five o'clock."
  • (Martin Savage) "Curious. I am to meet with him at half-past four."
  • (Kevin McKidd) "Strange, I DON'T have a meeting with him at four o'clock."
  • (Vincent Franklin) "It is my firm intention to prise open his purse."
  • (Martin Savage) "It will take a far stronger man than you, Mr. Barrington, to fulfill that herculean labour."
  • (Vincent Franklin) "And what's your mission, Captain Grossmith?"
  • (Martin Savage) "Oh, there are certain little matters."
  • (Martin Savage) "I'm sure I've seen this on a vase somewhere."

Dorothy Atkinson as Jessie Bond

  • (Dorothy Atkinson) "Is one to presume one is to be prevented from wearing one's corset, Madame Leon?"
  • (Alison Steadman) "Miss Bond, none of the ladies shall be wearing corsets during the performance."
  • (Dorothy Atkinson) "That's simply preposterous."
  • (Alison Steadman) "Our aim is to emulate the Japanese ladies, and Japanese ladies are as thin as thread paper, inasmuch a Roman column as opposed to a Grecian urn."
  • (Dorothy Atkinson) "It's shapeless."
  • (Alison Steadman) "Yes, Miss Bond, it is shapeless. Japanese ladies are most shapeless."

Allan Corduner as Sullivan

  • (Allan Corduner) "To the Savoy Hotel."
  • (Ron Cook) "The Savoy Hotel."
  • (Allan Corduner) "With its seventy bathrooms."
  • (Ron Cook) "The builder was much bemused. "What's the point of having a bathroom to every bedroom? Who's going to be staying there, amphibians?""
  • (Unnamed) "Lady Colin is irresistible. She cannot conceive why the Irish are starving when there's lots of good fish in the sea."
  • (Allan Corduner) "She most probably has a point."
  • (Unnamed) "Lady Colin is endeavoring to persuade us to take up smoking. She's writing an article for the Saturday Review. She proposes that nicotine is a gift from the gods, and if men may benefit from its soothing qualities, why then may women not also? My poor daughter now believes that smoking is an extension of the -- communion between a woman and her husband."
  • (Allan Corduner) "Will she be smoking a cigarette on her wedding day?"
  • (Unnamed) "Heaven forfend."
  • (Allan Corduner) "May I remind you, Helen, that I am not a machine."
  • (Unnamed) "I would not suggest for one moment that you were."
  • (Allan Corduner) "You all seem to be treating me as a barrel-organ. You have but to turn my handle, and Hey Presto. Out pops a tune."
  • (Allan Corduner) "Yes, but you see, I have gone to considerable trouble, Mr Bovill, to provide you with triplets. So, if you would care, to triple?"
  • (Allan Corduner) "You was late, Mr. 'Urley."
  • (Allan Corduner) "What's this?"
  • (Ron Cook) "Pull it."
  • (Ron Cook) "It's a reservoir pen. Contains its own ink."
  • (Allan Corduner) "Good gracious me. Whatever will they think of next?"
  • (Unnamed) "Oh, there's good news from Dublin."
  • (Allan Corduner) "Mm?"
  • (Unnamed) "The Churchills are to return to London."
  • (Allan Corduner) "Forgiven, but not forgotten."
  • (Unnamed) "I do hope so. Jenny says Winston is eleven, covered in freckles, and has a total disdain for authority."
  • (Allan Corduner) "This work with Gilbert is quite simply killing me."
  • (Ron Cook) "Working with Gilbert would kill anybody."

Timothy Spall as Richard Temple

  • (Timothy Spall) "I fear that dear Mr. Gilbert has run out of ideas."
  • (Kevin McKidd) "No."
  • (Timothy Spall) "He doesn't know what to do with me. Ponder this: he thrusts me into a gamut of tight-fitting pots, pans, and pails, and poaches me like a fucking haddock. Forgive my Anglo-Saxon, Mr. Butt."
  • (Timothy Spall) "Shocking news from Khartoum. Something will have to be done tout-de-suite. Mrs. Temple hit the nail on the head as usual."
  • (Kevin McKidd) "Oh, really? What did she say?"
  • (Timothy Spall) ""The nation loses a hero, but the family loses a loved one.""
  • (Kevin McKidd) "Oh, how apt."
  • (Timothy Spall) "One should be rewarded on one's merits, not on one's ability to ingratiate oneself with the management. Particularly when the management have difficulty in locating the relative whereabouts of the arse and the elbow."

Ron Cook as Richard D'Oyly Carte

  • (Ron Cook) "Well, I don't know about you, but speaking for myself, I could murder a pork chop."

Charles Simon as Wilhelm

  • (Charles Simon) "Rest assured, Mr. Lely, my designs are properly researched and authentic to the last thread."
  • (Kevin McKidd) "No disrespect to you, Mr. Wilhelm, but your authentically tailored costume seems to have left me rather in the buff, somewhat."
  • (Charles Simon) "No more in the buff than Japanese peasants have been for the last eight hundred years, sir."
  • (Kevin McKidd) "May I draw your attention, Mr. Wilhelm, to the fact that I am not actually a Japanese peasant?"
  • (Jim Broadbent) "No, you are a Scotch actor who is taking the part of a Japanese prince who is posing as an itinerant minstrel."
  • (Charles Simon) "Will you remove your corset."
  • (Kevin McKidd) "I beg your pardon?"
  • (Charles Simon) "Kindly remove your corset, Mr. Lely, it will spoil the hang of the cloth."
  • (Kevin McKidd) "Mr. Gilbert, I never perform without my corset."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "What, never?"
  • (Charles Simon) "Mr. Grossmith, kindly oblige me by removing your hat."
  • (Martin Savage) "Why, sir? Are you ready for me?"
  • (Charles Simon) "Would that I were, sir. And, I'll thank you not to refer to my designs as "vulgar", Mr. Lely."
  • (Kevin McKidd) "Mr. Wilhelm, to my eyes, your designs are not only vulgar, but obscene."
  • (Charles Simon) "How DARE you, sir?"
  • (Jim Broadbent) "Strong words, Lely; what the deuce do you mean?"
  • (Kevin McKidd) "Mr. Gilbert, I am a respectably married man and I love my wife dearly. Now, one of the few pleasures that she has enjoyed since the untimely demise of my beloved mother-in-law is to watch me perform upon the stage. But, I am not prepared to allow her to suffer the embarrassment of seeing me flaunted before the public like a half-dressed, performing dog."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "You have my sympathies, Lely. Unfortunately, your avocation as an actor compels you, on occasion, to endure the most ignominious indignities, to which Grossmith will doubtless testify."
  • (Martin Savage) "Without question, sir."

Sam Kelly as Richard Barker

  • (Sam Kelly) "And now, sir, I am going in search of some Italian hokey-pokey, and I care not who knows it."
  • (Sam Kelly) "Seven dead horses in the Strand this morning. Well, one down by Trafalgar Square."
  • (Ron Cook) "I don't know how you can sit there in your hat and coat, Barker."
  • (Sam Kelly) "I'm too hot to remove them, Mr. Carte."
  • (Sam Kelly) "U, U, plus 10 shillings and sixpence."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "Can you repeat that, please?"
  • (Sam Kelly) "Yes: U, U."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "So that's U for udder, U for udder, plus ten shillings and sixpence."
  • (Sam Kelly) "Yes."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "So you have two udders, Barker?"
  • (Sam Kelly) "Uh, yes."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "I always suspected as much."
  • (Unnamed) "I fear we shall all have to pray for rain."
  • (Sam Kelly) "Well, if it's any consolation, every theatre in town is afflicted. Even the Gaiety, graced as it is with Madame Bernhardt's execrable Lady Macbeth."

Vincent Franklin as Rutland Barrington

  • (Vincent Franklin) "Merely corroborative detail, intended to give artistic verisimilitude to a bald and unconvincing narrative."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "No, Barrington. "An otherwise bald and unconvincing narrative.""
  • (Vincent Franklin) "Was that incorrect? I-I do beg your pardon."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "On the contrary, it has only just occurred to me."
  • (Vincent Franklin) "Ah. To an otherwise bald and unconvincing narrative."
  • (Jim Broadbent) "Much better."

Alison Steadman as Madame Leon

  • (Alison Steadman) "I am acting on Mr. Gilbert's instructions. Mr. Gilbert desires the Japanese appearance, and what Mr. Gilbert desires, Mr. Gilbert must have. Fait accompli."

Theresa Watson as Maude Gilbert

  • (Unnamed) "Maude --"
  • (Theresa Watson) "Yes, Mama?"
  • (Unnamed) "Never bear a humorous baby."
  • (Theresa Watson) "I shall endeavor not to, Mama."

Kevin McKidd as Durward Lely

  • (Kevin McKidd) "Dickie, have you heard the real news of the day?"
  • (Timothy Spall) "Yes, the Fenian bomb. Oh, dreadful."
  • (Kevin McKidd) "No; Grossmith and Barrington."
  • (Timothy Spall) "What?"
  • (Kevin McKidd) "They're off tonight."
  • (Timothy Spall) "No."
  • (Kevin McKidd) "Yes."
  • (Timothy Spall) "Both of them?"
  • (Kevin McKidd) "Yes."
  • (Timothy Spall) "Why?"
  • (Kevin McKidd) "Oysters --"
  • (Kevin McKidd) "- We shared luncheon together."
  • (Timothy Spall) "Did you swallow?"
  • (Kevin McKidd) "No, I chose the sole."
  • (Timothy Spall) "Off the bone?"
  • (Kevin McKidd) "Yes, it was rather succulent."
  • (Timothy Spall) "Wise man. Oysters can kill, you know."
  • (Kevin McKidd) "Oh, unquestionably."
  • (Timothy Spall) "I had an aunt, choked on a scallop at Herne Bay."
  • (Kevin McKidd) "Really?"
  • (Timothy Spall) "Tragic."

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