Tootsie Quotes

Tootsie is a TV show that first aired in 1970 . Tootsie ended its run in 1970.

It features Charles Evans (businessman) as producer, Dave Grusin in charge of musical score, and Owen Roizman as head of cinematography.

Tootsie is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of Tootsie is 116 minutes long. Tootsie is distributed by Columbia Pictures.

The cast includes: Doris Belack as Rita, Dustin Hoffman as Michael Dorsey, Sydney Pollack as George Fields, Dustin Hoffman as Dorothy Michaels, George Gaynes as John Van Horne, Bill Murray as Jeff, Jessica Lange as Julie, Teri Garr as Sandy, Dabney Coleman as Ron Carlisle, and Charles Durning as Les.

Tootsie Quotes

Jessica Lange as Julie

• (Jessica Lange) "I know I'm pretty and I use it. I just guess I shouldn't have gone to Dr. Brewster's office so late."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "Well, no, that's not true. You know, Dr. Brewster has tried to seduce several nurses on this ward, always claiming to be in the throes of an uncontrollable impulse. Do you know what?"
• (Dabney Coleman) "Uh-oh."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "I think I'm gonna give every nurse on this floor an electric cattle prod, and just instruct them to just zap him in his badoobies."
• (Dabney Coleman) "Cattle prod?"
• (Dustin Hoffman) "Ruby? Hi, you wanna open the Yellow Pages under the section, Farm Equipment Retail --"

• (Jessica Lange) "Hello?"
• (Dustin Hoffman) "That's a corncob."

• (Jessica Lange) "I miss Dorothy."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "You don't have to. She's right here. And she misses you. Look, you don't know me from Adam. But I was a better man with you, as a woman -- than I ever was with a woman, as a man. You know what I mean? I just gotta learn to do it without the dress. At this point, there might be an advantage to my wearing pants. The hard part's over, you know? We were already -- good friends."

Dustin Hoffman as Michael Dorsey

• (Dustin Hoffman) "I never said I love you. You're one of the dearest friends I've ever had, but let's not pretend that we're something we're not, or we're gonna lose everything we have."
• (Teri Garr) "I never said I love you, I don't care about I love you. I read "The Second Sex", I read "The Cinderella Complex", I'm responsible for my own orgasm, I don't care. I just don't like to be lied to."

• (Dustin Hoffman) "Thank you, Gordon. Well, I cannot tell you all how deeply moved I am. I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would be the object of so much genuine affection. It makes it all the more difficult for me to say what I'm now going to say. Yes. I do feel it's time to set the record straight. You see, I didn't come here just as an administrator, Dr. Brewster; I came to this hospital to settle an old score. Now you all know that my father was a brilliant man; he built this hospital. What you don't know is that to his family, he was an unmerciful tyrant; a absolute dodo bird. He drove my mother, his wife, to; to drink; in fact, she; uh, she she she went riding one time and lost all her teeth. The son Edward became a recluse, and the oldest daughter; the pretty one, the charming one; became pregnant when she was fifteen years old and was driven out of the house. In fact, she was so terrified that she would, uh, that, uh, that, that, that the baby daughter would bear the stigma of illegitimacy that she, she; she decided to change her name and she contracted a disfiguring disease -- after moving to Tangiers, which is where she raised the, the, the little girl as her sister. But her one ambition in life; besides the child's happiness; was to become a nurse, so she returned to the States and joined the staff right here at Southwest General. Well, she worked here, she knew she had to speak out wherever she saw injustice and inhumanity. God save us, you do understand that, don't you, Dr. Brewster?"
• (George Gaynes) "I never laid a hand on her."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "Yes, you did. And she was shunned by all you nurses, too -- and by a, what do you call it, what do you call it, a; something like a pariah, to you doctors who found her idealistic and reckless. But she was deeply, deeply, deeply, deeply, deeply, deeply loved by her brother. It was this brother who, on the day of her death, swore to the good Lord above that he would follow in her footsteps, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just owe it all up to her. But on her terms. As a woman. And just as proud to be a woman as she ever was. For I am not Emily Kimberly, the daughter of Dwayne and Alma Kimberly. No, I'm not. I'm Edward Kimberly, the recluse brother of my sister Anthea. Edward Kimberly, who has finally vindicated his sister's good name. I am Edward Kimberly. Edward Kimberly. And I'm not mentally ill, but proud, and lucky, and strong enough to be the woman that was the best part of my manhood. The best part of myself."

• (Dustin Hoffman) "You know, I could lay a big line on you and we could do a lot of role-playing, but the simple truth is, is that I find you very interesting and I'd really like to make love to you."

• (Dustin Hoffman) "She thinks I'm gay, i told her about Julie and she thinks I'm gay."
• (Sydney Pollack) "Julie thinks your gay?"
• (Dustin Hoffman) "No, my friend Sandy."
• (Sydney Pollack) "Sleep with her, and she'll --"
• (Dustin Hoffman) "I slept with her once she's still thinks I'm gay."
• (Sydney Pollack) "Oh -- thats no good, Michael."

• (Dustin Hoffman) "Dr Brewster tried to seduce several nurses in this unit, claiming to be the throes of an uncontrollable impulse. Do you know what? I'm going to give every nurse on this floor an electric cattle prod and instruct them to just zap them in his badubies."

• (Dustin Hoffman) "Les, I think there's something I've got to say."
• (Charles Durning) "There's something I want to say, too. Wouldn't it be funny if we both wanted to say the same thing?"
• (Dustin Hoffman) "That would be hilarious, but I don't think that what I have to say is what you have to say."

• (Dustin Hoffman) "Are you saying that nobody in New York will work with me?"
• (Sydney Pollack) "No, no, that's too limited -- nobody in Hollywood wants to work with you either. I can't even set you up for a commercial. You played a tomato for 30 seconds; they went a half a day over schedule because you wouldn't sit down."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "Of course. It was illogical."
• (Sydney Pollack) "YOU WERE A TOMATO. A tomato doesn't have logic. A tomato can't move."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "That's what I said. So if he can't move, how's he gonna sit down, George? I was a stand-up tomato: a juicy, sexy, beefsteak tomato. Nobody does vegetables like me. I did an evening of vegetables off-Broadway. I did the best tomato, the best cucumber -- I did an endive salad that knocked the critics on their ass."

• (Dustin Hoffman) "Sandy, I'm not having an affair with the woman who went into my apartment earlier, alright? It's impossible."

• (Dustin Hoffman) "What am I gonna tell her, somebody died and left it to me?"
• (Teri Garr) "Oh my god, when did she die?"

• (Mrs. Crawley, Amy's Nanny) "Miss Nichols."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "Oh, my stars."
• (Jessica Lange) "Dorothy, this is Mrs. Crowley. She helps me with Amy."
• (Mrs. Crawley, Amy's Nanny) "THAT CHILD WILL NEVER LEARN ANYTHING IF --"
• (Jessica Lange) "Thank you, Mrs. Crowley."
• (Jessica Lange) "She scares the s*** out of me."

• (Dustin Hoffman) "What kind of mother would I be if I didn't give my girls tits -- tips?"

• (Dustin Hoffman) "Friends?"
• (Teri Garr) "No, we are not friends. I don't take this s*** from friends. Only lovers."

• (Dustin Hoffman) "You're worried about the audition tomorrow, aren't you?"
• (Teri Garr) "No I'm not worried about that audition."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "Why? Why are you so worried?"
• (Teri Garr) "Because I'm not gonna get it, I'm not gonna get it, because I'm completely wrong for it"
• (Dustin Hoffman) "Why, what kind of a part is it?"
• (Teri Garr) "A WOMAN."

• (Dustin Hoffman) "Oh I know what y'all really want is some gross, caricature of a woman to prove some idiotic point that power makes a woman masculine, or masculine women are ugly. Well shame on you for letting a man do that, or any man that does that. That means you, dear. Miss Marshall. Shame on you, you macho s*** head."

• (Dustin Hoffman) "I don't believe in hell. I believe in UNEMPLOYMENT, but not hell."

Bill Murray as Jeff

• (Bill Murray) "What do you mean you don't have anything to wear?"
• (Dustin Hoffman) "She has seen me in all of these."
• (Bill Murray) "She hasn't seen you in that white dress."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "What, this?"
• (Bill Murray) "Yeah."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "You cannot wear white to a casual dinner. It's too dressy."
• (Bill Murray) "Can't you wear pants?"
• (Dustin Hoffman) "Pants?"
• (Bill Murray) "What about this thing?"
• (Dustin Hoffman) "No. I don't have the right shoes for it, I don't like the way the horizontal lines make me look too hippy, and it cuts me across the bust."
• (Bill Murray) "I think we're getting into a weird area here."

• (Bill Murray) "I'm just afraid that you're going to burn in Hell for all this."

• (Bill Murray) "You slut."

• (Bill Murray) "Mike, I really appreciate you're doing this, but -- it is just for the money, isn't it? It's not just so you can wear these little outfits?"

Dabney Coleman as Ron Carlisle

• (Dabney Coleman) "You don't like me, do you? Now, I can respect that. There's not many women that I can't make like me. Why don't you like me?"
• (Dustin Hoffman) "I don't like the way you treat Julie. I don't like the way you patronize her. I don't like the way you deceive her. I don't like the way you lie to her."
• (Dabney Coleman) "What do you mean?"
• (Dustin Hoffman) "You want me to go on?"
• (Dabney Coleman) "No, no. I know what you mean."

• (Dabney Coleman) "I'm afraid you're not right for this role. Thanks for coming by."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "Why am I not right, Mister Carlisle?"
• (Dabney Coleman) "I'm trying to make a certain statement and I'm looking for a specific physical type."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "Mr. Carlisle, I'm an actress. I'm a character actress. I can play it any way you want."
• (Dabney Coleman) "I'm sure you're a very good actress. It's just that you're not threatening enough."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "Not threatening enough? Listen, you take your hands off me or I'll knee your balls right through the roof of your mouth. Is that enough of a threat?"
• (Dabney Coleman) "It's a start."

• (Dabney Coleman) "Take, Tootsie."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "Ron? I have a name it's Dorothy. It's not Tootsie or Toots or Sweetie or Honey or Doll."
• (Dabney Coleman) "Oh, Christ."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "No, just Dorothy. Alan's always Alan, Tom's always Tom and John's always John. I have a name too. It's Dorothy, capital D-O-R-O-T-H-Y."

• (Dabney Coleman) "I knew there was a reason she didn't like me."

George Gaynes as John Van Horne

• (George Gaynes) "Dorothy, I want you."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "I beg your pardon?"

• (George Gaynes) "I'm just an untalented old has-been."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "Were you ever famous?"
• (George Gaynes) "No."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "Then how can you be a has-been?"

• (George Gaynes) "Does Jeff know?"

Charles Durning as Les

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Teri Garr as Sandy

• (Teri Garr) "A guy named Les is sending you flowers?"
• (Dustin Hoffman) "Yes. He's a friend of mine. He can't eat candy. He's diabetic."
• (Teri Garr) "Why is he thanking you for a lovely night in front of the fire."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "My minds a blank."
• (Teri Garr) "Micheal, are you gay?"
• (Dustin Hoffman) "In what sense?"

• (Teri Garr) "I'm going to feel this way until I don't feel this way anymore."

• (Teri Garr) "OK, wish me luck."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "f*** you."
• (Teri Garr) "Thank you."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "f*** you."
• (Teri Garr) "Thank you."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "Go."
• (Teri Garr) "God bless you."

Sydney Pollack as George Fields

• (Sydney Pollack) "Where do you come off sending me your roommate's play for you to star in? I'm your agent, not your mother. I'm not supposed to find plays for you to star in; I'm supposed to field offers. And that's what I do."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "'Field offers?' Who told you that, the Agent Fairy? That was a significant piece of work; I could've been terrific in that part."
• (Sydney Pollack) "Michael, nobody's gonna do that play."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "Why?"
• (Sydney Pollack) "Because it's a downer, that's why. Because nobody wants to produce a play about a couple that moved back to Love Canal."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "But that actually happened."
• (Sydney Pollack) "WHO GIVES A s***? Nobody wants to pay twenty dollars to watch people living next to chemical waste. They can see that in New Jersey."

• (Sydney Pollack) "OK, I know this is going to disgust you, Michael, but a lot of people are in this business to make money."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "You make it out like I'm some flake, George. I am in this business to make money, too."
• (Sydney Pollack) "Really?"
• (Dustin Hoffman) "Yes."
• (Sydney Pollack) "The Harlem Theatre for the Blind? Strindberg in the Park? The People's Workshop in Syracuse?"
• (Dustin Hoffman) "OK, now wait a minute. I did nine plays in eight months up in Syracuse. I happened to get great reviews from the New York critics, not that that's why I did it."
• (Sydney Pollack) "Oh, of course not. God forbid you should lose your standing as a cult failure."

• (Sydney Pollack) "You are psychotic."
• (Dustin Hoffman) "No, I'm not, I'm employed."

• (Sydney Pollack) "You're too much trouble. Get some therapy."

Doris Belack as Rita

• (Doris Belack) "I'd like to make her look a little more attractive, how far can you pull back?"
• (Unnamed) "How do you feel about Cleveland?"
• (Doris Belack) "Knock it off."

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