The Trouble with Tribbles Quotes

The Trouble with Tribbles is a television show that was first aired in 1970 . The Trouble with Tribbles ended its run in 1970.

It features Jerry Fielding in charge of musical score.

The Trouble with Tribbles Quotes

• (Spock) "They remind me of the lilies of the field. They toil not, neither do they spin. But they seem to eat a great deal. I see no practical use for them."
• (Dr. McCoy) "Does everything have to have a practical use for you? They're nice, they're soft and they're furry, and they make a pleasant sound."
• (Spock) "So would an ermine violin, Doctor, but I see no advantage in having one."

• (Capt. Kirk) "Mr. Chekov, what do you make of this?"
• (Chekov) "Oh, quadrotriticale. I've read about this, but, er, I've never seen any before."
• (Capt. Kirk) "Does everybody know about this wheat but me?"
• (Chekov) "Oh, not everyone, Captain. It's a Russian invention."

• (Arne Darvin) "I never saw one before in my life, and I hope I never see one of those fuzzy miserable things again."

• (Capt. Kirk) "Why, you're right, Mister Jones. They don't like Klingons."
• (Capt. Kirk) "But they do like Vulcans. Well, Mr. Spock, I didn't know you had it in you."
• (Spock) "Obviously, tribbles are very perceptive creatures, Captain."
• (Capt. Kirk) "Obviously."
• (Capt. Kirk) "Mister Baris, they like you. Well, there's no accounting for taste."

• (Capt. Kirk) "Mister Scott. Where; are; the tribbles?"
• (Scott) "I used the transporter, Captain."
• (Capt. Kirk) "You used the transporter?"
• (Scott) "Aye."
• (Capt. Kirk) "Well, where did you transport them?"
• (Capt. Kirk) "Scott, you didn't transport them into space, did you?"
• (Scott) "Captain Kirk. That'd be inhuman."
• (Capt. Kirk) "Well, where are they?"
• (Scott) "I gave them a very good home, sir."
• (Capt. Kirk) "WHERE?"
• (Scott) "I gave 'em to the Klingons, sir."
• (Capt. Kirk) "You gave them to the Klingons?"
• (Scott) "Aye, sir. Before they went into warp, I transported the whole kit 'n' caboodle into their engine room, where they'll be no tribble at all."

• (Capt. Kirk) "I have never questioned the orders or the intelligence of any representative of the Federation. Until now."

• (Capt. Kirk) "As Captain, I want two things done. First, find Cyrano Jones, and second --"
• (Capt. Kirk) "-- close that door."

• (Capt. Kirk) "Mister Lurry, you issued a Priority One distress call. State the nature of your emergency."
• (Lurry) "Uh, well, perhaps you better beam over. I'll-I'll try to explain."
• (Capt. Kirk) "You'll "try to explain." You'd better be prepared to do more than that. Kirk out."

• (Capt. Kirk) "My chicken sandwich and coffee. This is my chicken sandwich and coffee."
• (Spock) "Fascinating."
• (Capt. Kirk) "I want these off the ship. I don't care if takes every man we've got, I want them off the ship."

• (Capt. Kirk) "There is one thing you could do."
• (Cyrano Jones) "Yes."
• (Capt. Kirk) "Pick up every tribble on the space station. If you do that, I'll speak to Mr. Lurry about returning your spaceship."
• (Cyrano Jones) "It would take years."
• (Spock) "17.9, to be exact."
• (Cyrano Jones) "17.9 years?"
• (Capt. Kirk) "Consider it job security."

• (Dr. McCoy) "Lieutenant, do you mind if I take one of these down to the lab to see what makes it tick?"
• (Uhura) "Well, all right, Doctor, but if you're gonna dissect it, I don't want to know about it."
• (Dr. McCoy) "I won't harm a hair on its head -- wherever that is."

• (Trader) "What are you trying to do, ruin the market?"
• (Cyrano Jones) "Once this lovely little lady starts to show this precious little darling around, you won't be able to keep up with them."

• (Arne Darvin) "You can't deny he's disrupted this station."
• (Capt. Kirk) "People have disrupted stations before without being Klingon agents. Sometimes, all they need is a title, Mr. Baris."

• (Dr. McCoy) "It is a human characteristic to love little animals, especially if they're attractive in some way."
• (Spock) "Doctor, I am well aware of human characteristics. I am frequently inundated by them, but I've trained myself to put up with practically anything."
• (Dr. McCoy) "Spock, I don't know too much about these little tribbles yet, but there is one thing that I have discovered."
• (Spock) "What is that, Doctor?"
• (Dr. McCoy) "I like them -- better than I like you."
• (Spock) "Doctor?"
• (Dr. McCoy) "Yes?"
• (Spock) "They do indeed have one redeeming characteristic."
• (Dr. McCoy) "What's that?"
• (Spock) "They do not talk too much. If you'll excuse me, sir."

• (Capt. Kirk) "Another technical journal, Scotty?"
• (Scott) "Aye."
• (Capt. Kirk) "Don't you ever relax?"
• (Scott) "I am relaxing."

• (Capt. Kirk) "How close will we come to the nearest Klingon outpost if we continue on our present course?"
• (Chekov) "Ah, one parsec, sir. Close enough to smell them."
• (Spock) "That is illogical, Ensign. Odors cannot travel through the vacuum of space."
• (Chekov) "I was making a little joke, sir."
• (Spock) "Extremely little, Ensign."

• (Capt. Kirk) "Captain Koloth, about that apology --"
• (Koloth) "Yes?"
• (Capt. Kirk) "You have six hours to get your ship out of Federation territory."

• (Dr. McCoy) "Heartbeat is all wrong. His body temperature is --"
• (Dr. McCoy) "Jim, this man is a Klingon."

• (Trader) "Four credits."
• (Cyrano Jones) "Is that an offer or a joke?"
• (Trader) "That's my offer."
• (Cyrano Jones) "That's a joke."

• (Scott) "When are you gonna get off that milk diet, lad?"
• (Chekov) "This is vodka."
• (Scott) "Where I come from, that's soda pop."
• (Scott) "Now this is a drink for a man."
• (Chekov) "Scotch?"
• (Scott) "Aye."
• (Chekov) "It was invented by a little old lady from Leningrad."

• (Nilz Baris) "Kirk, this station is swarming with Klingons."
• (Capt. Kirk) "I was not aware, Mr. Baris, that 12 Klingons constitutes a swarm."
• (Nilz Baris) "Captain Kirk, there are Klingon soldiers on this station. Now, I want you to keep that grain safe."
• (Capt. Kirk) "Mr. Baris, I have guards around the grain, I have guards around the Klingons. The only reason those guards are there is because Starfleet wants them there. As for what you want -- it has been noted and logged. Kirk out."
• (Spock) "Captain, may I ask where you'll be?"
• (Capt. Kirk) "Sickbay, with a headache."

• (Dr. McCoy) "Jim. I think I've got it. All we have to do is quit feeding them. We quit feeding them, they stop breeding."
• (Capt. Kirk) "Now he tells me."

• (Scott) "Well, Captain, er -- the Klingons called you a -- a tin-plated overbearing, swaggering dictator with delusions of godhood."
• (Capt. Kirk) "Is that all?"
• (Scott) "No, sir. They also compared you with a Denebian slime devil."
• (Capt. Kirk) "I see."
• (Scott) "And then they said that you were a --"
• (Capt. Kirk) "I get the picture, Scotty."
• (Scott) "Yes, sir."
• (Capt. Kirk) "And after they said all this, that's when you hit the Klingons."
• (Scott) "No, sir."
• (Capt. Kirk) "-- No?"
• (Scott) "No, er, I didn't. You told us to avoid trouble."
• (Capt. Kirk) "Oh, yes."
• (Scott) "And I didn't see that it was worth fighting about. After all, we're big enough to take a few insults. Aren't we?"
• (Capt. Kirk) "What was it they said that started the fight?"
• (Scott) "They called the Enterprise a garbage scow. Sir."
• (Capt. Kirk) "I see. And -- that's when you hit the Klingon?"
• (Scott) "Yes, sir."
• (Capt. Kirk) "You hit the Klingons because they insulted the Enterprise, not because they --"
• (Scott) "Well, sir, this was a matter of pride."
• (Capt. Kirk) "All right, Scotty. Dismissed. Oh -- Scotty, you're restricted to quarters until further notice."
• (Scott) "Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. That'll give me a chance to catch up on my technical journals."

• (Nilz Baris) "And, now, Captain, I want all available security guards. I want them posted around the storage compartments."
• (Capt. Kirk) "Storage compartments? Storage compartments?"
• (Arne Darvin) "The storage compartments containing the quadro-triticale."
• (Capt. Kirk) "The what, the what? What's -- quadro-triticale?"
• (Lurry) "Here --"
• (Capt. Kirk) "Wheat. So what?"

• (Korax) "The Earthers like those fuzzy things. Don't they?"
• (Cyrano Jones) "Oh, yes."
• (Korax) "Well, frankly, I never liked Earthers. They remind me of Regulan bloodworms."
• (Chekov) "That cossack."
• (Scott) "Easy, lad. You ought to be more forgiving."
• (Korax) "Though -- I just remembered. There is one Earth man who doesn't remind me of a Regulan bloodworm. That's Kirk. A Regulan bloodworm is soft, and shapeless. But Kirk isn't soft. Kirk may be a swaggering, overbearing, tin-plated dictator with delusions of godhood. But he's not soft."
• (Scott) "Take it easy, lad. Everybody is entitled to an opinion."
• (Korax) "That's right. And if I think that Kirk is a Denebian slime devil, well, that's my opinion, too."
• (Scott) "Don't do it, mister, and that's an order."
• (Chekov) "But you heard what he called the Captain."
• (Scott) "Forget it. It's not worth fighting for. We're big enough to take a few insults."
• (Scott) "Now, drink your drink."
• (Korax) "Of course, I'd say that Captain Kirk deserves his ship. We like the Enterprise. We, we really do. That sagging, old rust bucket is designed like a garbage scow."
• (Korax) "Half the quadrant knows it; that's why they're learning to speak Klingoni."
• (Chekov) "Mr. Scott."
• (Scott) "Laddie -- don't ya think you should -- rephrase that?"
• (Korax) "You're right. I should."
• (Korax) "I didn't mean to say that the Enterprise should be hauling garbage. I meant to say that it should be hauled away AS garbage."

• (Spock) "Most curious creature, Captain. Its trilling seems to have a tranquilizing effect on the human nervous system."
• (Spock) "Fortunately, of course, I am -- immune to it's effect --"

• (Nilz Baris) "Captain Kirk, I consider your security measures a disgrace. In my opinion, you have taken this entire, very important project far too lightly."
• (Capt. Kirk) "On the contrary, sir. I think of this project as very important. It is YOU I take lightly."

• (Dr. McCoy) "Do you know what you get if you feed a tribble too much?"
• (Capt. Kirk) "A fat tribble."
• (Dr. McCoy) "No. You get a whole bunch of hungry little tribbles."
• (Capt. Kirk) "Well, Bones, all I can suggest -- is you open up a maternity ward."

• (Capt. Kirk) "Bones, what've you got for a headache?"
• (Dr. McCoy) "Let me guess: the Klingons, Baris --"
• (Capt. Kirk) "Both."

• (Nilz Baris) "There must be thousands of them."
• (Capt. Kirk) "Hundreds of thousands."
• (Spock) "1,771,561. That's assuming one tribble, multiplying with an average litter of 10, producing a new generation every 12 hours over a period of three days."
• (Capt. Kirk) "And that's assuming that they got here three days ago."
• (Spock) "And allowing for the amount of grain consumed and the volume of the storage compartment."

• (Spock) "Surely you must have realized what would happen if you removed the tribbles from their predator-filled environment into an environment where their natural multiplicative proclivities would have no restraining factors."
• (Cyrano Jones) "Well, of cour -- What did you say?"
• (Spock) "By removing the tribbles from their natural habitat, you have, so to speak, removed the cork from the bottle and allowed the genie to escape."

• (Nilz Baris) "Kirk, you should have known. You are responsible for turning the development project into a total disaster."
• (Capt. Kirk) "Mr. Baris --"
• (Nilz Baris) "And I am through being intimidated, Kirk. Now, you have insulted me, you have ignored me, you, you walked all over me. You have abused your authority and you have rejected my requests. And this, this is the result. I am going to hold you responsible, Kirk."
• (Capt. Kirk) "Mr. Baris, I'll hold you in irons if you don't shut up."

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