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The State (1993 TV series) Quotes

The State is a Sketch comedy that debuted in 1993 on MTV. The State ended its run in 1995.

The State lasted 4 seasons and 28 episodes. It features Michael Patrick Jann as producer, Craig Wedren as theme composer, and Theodore Shapiro (composer) as composer. The State is executive produced by Jonathan K. Bendis.

The State is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The State is approx. 30 minutes per episode long.

The State Quotes

  • (Unnamed) "Brrring. Brrrring. Hello Cheese? No; Cheese can't dial a phone."
  • (Unnamed) "But what about my husband, General Lee, and the country?"
  • (Unnamed) "I don't care about America, all I care about is sex and booze and pills. Damn this country and everyone in it."
  • (Ken) "Aren't you gonna ask me how my day was?"
  • (Unnamed) "How was your day?"
  • (Ken) "Poopy. Another poopy day. I took #2 from every dumb-dumb in this mickey fickey neighborhood today. Thanks for asking dummyhead."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm not taking any more of your fudging bull puckey, you cockeyed fellow. I took it from my screwy flick of a father and I'm not gonna take it from a poop who's too wienerless to fight for his own stinky job."
  • (Ken) "You pineapple. You fuzzy cootie."
  • (Detective) "OK. If you want your money, come out of the building with your hands on top of your head."
  • (Lead Terrorist) "Uh, can we bring our guns?"
  • (Detective) "Sure."
  • (Unnamed) "No, no, no."
  • (Detective) "No."
  • (Unnamed) "Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I think we should worship the sun and moon as powerful gods -- and fear them."
  • (Unnamed) "Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but it seems to me that when the giant that holds up the earth dies, we are screeewwwed."
  • (Various) "I'll never forget you, Antonio."
  • (Various) "Nor I you. I will often think of you when I'm in less than pants."
  • (Unnamed) "We all have secrets, for example -- Tom, you are on --"
  • (Unnamed) "Speed."
  • (Unnamed) "Oh. I was gonna say 'probation'."
  • (Unnamed) "Whatever. hehe whatever, what-ever --"
  • (Unnamed) "I wanna dip my balls in it."
  • (Ken) "You know, I wouldn't mind having another serving of this -- well what is this, fish?"
  • (Unnamed) "Oh no, it's muppet."
  • (Ken) "M -- muppet?"
  • (Unnamed) "Oh yes, we backed over one in the driveway yesterday and it just seemed a shame to let it go to waste. Now we've become quite the hunters. Would you like to see how to catch one?"
  • (Unnamed) "Gee, I wish someone was here who could help me count to three."
  • (Unnamed) "Golly gosh. I'd be glad to --"
  • (Unnamed) "See how easy?"
  • (Unnamed) "This isn't a game here, ok. This isn't the NBA and my name isn't Charles Buckley."
  • (Unnamed) "It's a marvelous day at the porcupine racetrack; we'll watch them little porkies run. The sun, the track and porcupines."
  • (Unnamed) "A recipe for fun."
  • (Unnamed) "Racing form, Mr. Johnson?"
  • (Unnamed) "Why, thank you, Jimmy. Here, get yourself a licorice whip."
  • (Drifter) "Sheriff, seven people are already dead."
  • (Sheriff) "Young drifter, that's not true."
  • (Unnamed) "Maybe you should try pants."
  • (Unnamed) "You want to be treated like a man then start acting like one."
  • (Hepcat) "I didn't tell you I quit the football team because I didn't think you'd understand my poetry."
  • (Unnamed) "Again with the car -- I work damn hard to put food on the table."
  • (Hepcat) "Because I like my friends, dad. And I don't care if you think they're from the wrong side of the tracks."
  • (Unnamed) "OK, so I had an affair. Are you gonna torture me for the rest of my life over it?"
  • (Hepcat) "Ricky died in a plane crash, dad."
  • (Hepcat) "I'm not my older brother."
  • (Unnamed) "Get the hell out of here."
  • (Hepcat) "With pleasure."
  • (Unnamed) "Let's consider the gate "off-limits" -- as a favor to me --"
  • (Unnamed) "Dr. Crank, in your many years of primate research, you've developed --"
  • (Unnamed) "Uh, research is such a restrictive term. I feel I've opened up a whole new arena of experimentation which I call "Monkey Torture"."
  • (Teacher) "Let's have a big hand for our 2nd Grade class and their show The Four Food Groups. They did it all themselves. Matt and Suzie painted the sets and they were beautiful. Steven and Wendy did the costumes and they were great. And little Billy wrote the script which I felt was trite, derivative, very slow and fell completely apart in the 3rd Act."
  • (Unnamed) "I agree. Where was the conflict? Where were the likeable characters?"
  • (Unnamed) "I wouldn't wipe my ass with Billy's The Four Food Groups."
  • (Billy) "Daddy?"
  • (Various) "It's hard enough fitting both the mail and the tacos in here. I'll level with you. These bags weren't designed for tacos."
  • (Various) "That's kind of what I'm getting at, Jake."
  • (Various) "Well, don't tell me you don't like the tacos."
  • (Various) "Jake, I love the tacos. They're maybe the best tacos I've ever had. But I think if I had to choose between the mail, and the tacos, I have to choose the mail."
  • (Various) "Okay, I'm gonna take a breath here. I think you might be saying something you don't quite mean. What I'm hearing is, you don't want the tacos."
  • (Various) "Great tacos today, Jake."
  • (Unnamed) "Before I found Fluffy-Soft, my clothes weren't half as soft as they are now."
  • (Unnamed) "Because Fluffy-Soft --"
  • (Unnamed) "."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm Doug and I'm out of here."
  • (Unnamed) "Well I got to go guys but remember this- Thomas Edison was a great man, but he was a bastard to his wife and kids. I'm Captain Monterey Jack, thanks for your time."
  • (Various) "I'm going to take a handful of bumpy chicks and loose them into my pants."
  • (Unnamed) "Now I know what you're thinkin'"
  • (Unnamed) "Barry and Le Von, where did you get two-hundred and forty dollars?"
  • (Unnamed) "Shhhhhh."
  • (Unnamed) "Aw yeah."
  • (Unnamed) "Don't worry your pretty little head about it, baby"
  • (Unnamed) "It ain't your concern."
  • (Unnamed) "When you're out there on the court shooting hoops, you want a shoe that's gonna give you an edge. You want a sneaker that makes piggy sounds every time you step down on the heel. And that's just what our shoes do: they make piggy sounds every time you step down on the heel. Piggy-Shoes: they make piggy sounds every time you step down on the heel. Isn't it about time your shoes made sounds like a piggy from the heel when you stepped down on 'm?"
  • (Unnamed) "All's fair in love and war, Timmy."
  • (Unnamed) "Which one is this, Dad?"
  • (Unnamed) "Both."
  • (Unnamed) "And now Louie, the guy who comes in and says his catchphrase over and over again."
  • (Unnamed) "Hey, everybody."
  • (Unnamed) "Hey, Louie."
  • (Unnamed) "Hey, who's got something to drink?"
  • (Unnamed) "I do -- over there."
  • (Unnamed) "What is it?"
  • (Unnamed) "A martini."
  • (Unnamed) "A martini? I wanna dip my balls in it."
  • (Unnamed) "Hey, whatcha got there?"
  • (Unnamed) "It's an M-16. What do you want with it?"
  • (Unnamed) "What do I want with it? I wanna dip my balls in it."
  • (Unnamed) "I find him infectious and amusing this Louie character."
  • (Unnamed) "Who's got some deviled eggs?"
  • (Unnamed) "I do."
  • (Unnamed) "I wanna dip my balls in it."
  • (Unnamed) "Monogrammed silk handkerchief."
  • (Unnamed) "I would like to dip my balls in it."
  • (Unnamed) "Silence. Louie -- a hand grenade?"
  • (Unnamed) "Ah hell who gives a damn? I wanna dip my balls in it."
  • (Unnamed) "Top secret documents?"
  • (Unnamed) "I wanna file them."
  • (Unnamed) "Awwwwww -- Louie?"
  • (Unnamed) "You've heard it all before."
  • (Unnamed) "No we haven't."
  • (Unnamed) "You've heard it all before."
  • (Unnamed) "No -- we haven't."
  • (Unnamed) "You've heard it all before."
  • (Unnamed) "No we haven't."
  • (Unnamed) "Say the catchphrase or the Prime Minister dies."
  • (Unnamed) "Don't say it on my account, Louie."
  • (Unnamed) "I'm sorry, I can't say it."
  • (Unnamed) "Louie. Louie. Louie. Louie."
  • (Unnamed) "Hey, everybody --"
  • (Unnamed) "I wanna dip my balls in it."

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