The Princess Bride (film) Quotes

The Princess Bride (film) is a TV show that first aired in 1970 . The Princess Bride ended in 1970.

It features Andrew Scheinman, and Rob Reiner as producer, Mark Knopfler in charge of musical score, and Adrian Biddle as head of cinematography.

The Princess Bride (film) is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Princess Bride (film) is 98 minutes long. The Princess Bride (film) is distributed by 20th Century Fox, and Vestron Video.

The cast includes: Mandy Patinkin as Inigo Montoya, Robin Wright as Buttercup, Cary Elwes as Westley, Malcolm Storry as Yellin, Wallace Shawn as Vizzini, Chris Sarandon as Prince Humperdinck, André the Giant as Fezzik, Billy Crystal as Miracle Max, Cary Elwes as Dread Pirate Roberts, Peter Cook as The Impressive Clergyman, Christopher Guest as Count Rugen, Peter Falk as Grandpa, Carol Kane as Valerie, Fred Savage as The Grandson, Willoughby Gray as The King, Mel Smith as The Albino, Margery Mason as The Ancient Booer, and Betsy Brantley as The Mother.

The Princess Bride (film) Quotes

Robin Wright as Buttercup

• (Robin Wright) "We'll never succeed. We may as well die here."
• (Cary Elwes) "No, no. We have already succeeded. I mean, what are the three terrors of the Fire Swamp? One, the flame spurt; no problem. There's a popping sound preceding each; we can avoid that. Two, the lightning sand, which you were clever enough to discover what that looks like, so in the future we can avoid that too."
• (Robin Wright) "Westley, what about the R.O.U.S.'s?"
• (Cary Elwes) "Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist."

• (Robin Wright) "You mock my pain."
• (Man in Black) "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."

• (Robin Wright) "You mocked me once, never do it again. I died that day."

• (Robin Wright) "Oh, Wesley, will you ever forgive me?"
• (Cary Elwes) "What hideous sin have you committed lately?"
• (Robin Wright) "I got married. I didn't want to; it all happened so fast."
• (Cary Elwes) "Never happened."
• (Robin Wright) "What?"
• (Cary Elwes) "Never happened."
• (Robin Wright) "But it did I was there; this old man said 'man and wife.'"
• (Cary Elwes) "Did you say 'I do?'"
• (Robin Wright) "Um, no -- we sort of skipped that part."
• (Cary Elwes) "Then you're not married. You didn't say it; you didn't do it."
• (Cary Elwes) "Wouldn't you agree, Your Highness?"
• (Chris Sarandon) "A technicality that will shortly be remedied."

• (Robin Wright) "Westley. Oh, Westley darling."
• (Robin Wright) "Westley, why won't you hold me?"
• (Cary Elwes) "Gently."
• (Robin Wright) "At a time like this, that's all you can think to say. Gently?"
• (Cary Elwes) "Gently."
• (Cary Elwes) "Ughhhh."

• (Robin Wright) "We'll never survive."
• (Cary Elwes) "Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has."

• (Robin Wright) "You're the Dread Pirate Roberts, admit it."
• (Man in Black) "With pride. What can I do for you?"
• (Robin Wright) "You can die slowly, cut into a thousand pieces."
• (Man in Black) "Tsk, tsk. That's hardly complimentary, Highness. Why loose your venom on me?"
• (Robin Wright) "You killed my love."
• (Man in Black) "It's possible. I kill a lot of people."

• (Robin Wright) "If you'll release me, whatever you ask for ransom, you'll get it. I promise you."
• (Man in Black) "And what is that worth, the promise of a woman? You're very funny, Highness."

• (Robin Wright) "You can die too for all I care."
• (Man in Black) "AS -- YOU -- WISH."
• (Robin Wright) "Oh, my sweet Westley. What have I done?"

• (Robin Wright) "I thought you were dead once and it almost killed me. I could not bear it if you died again, not when I could save you."
• (Christopher Guest) "Come, Sir, we must get you to your Ship."
• (Cary Elwes) "We are men of Action, Lies do not become us."
• (Christopher Guest) "Well spoken, Sir -- What is it, what's wrong?"
• (Cary Elwes) "You have six fingers on your right hand. Someone was looking for you"
• (Cary Elwes) "."

• (Robin Wright) "Oot."

• (Robin Wright) "I will never love again."

• (Robin Wright) "You can't hurt me. Westley and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you cannot track that, not with a thousand bloodhounds, and you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords. And when I say you are a coward it is only because you are one of the slimiest weaklings ever to walk the Earth."

Billy Crystal as Miracle Max

• (Billy Crystal) "He probably owes you money huh? I'll ask him."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "He's dead. He can't talk."
• (Billy Crystal) "Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "What's that?"
• (Billy Crystal) "Go through his clothes and look for loose change."

• (Billy Crystal) "Get back, witch."
• (Carol Kane) "I'm not a witch, I'm your wife. But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that any more."

• (Billy Crystal) "Get back witch."
• (Carol Kane) "I'm not a witch. I'm your wife."

• (Billy Crystal) "Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world; except for a nice MLT; mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomatoes are ripe"
• (Billy Crystal) "They're so perky, I love that."

• (Billy Crystal) "Beat it or I'll call the Brute Squad."
• (André the Giant) "I'm on the Brute Squad."
• (Billy Crystal) "You ARE the Brute Squad."

• (Billy Crystal) "You got any money?"
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Sixty-five."
• (Billy Crystal) "I've never worked for so little. Except once, and that was a very noble cause."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "This is noble, sir. His wife is -- crippled. His children are on the brink of starvation."
• (Billy Crystal) "Are you a rotten liar."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "I need him to help avenge my father, murdered these twenty years."
• (Billy Crystal) "Your first story was better."

• (Billy Crystal) "I've seen worse."

• (Billy Crystal) "I'd rather eat lint."

André the Giant as Fezzik

• (André the Giant) "Inigo?"
• (Mandy Patinkin) "What?"
• (André the Giant) "I hope we win."

• (André the Giant) "You just shook your head -- doesn't that make you happy?"
• (Cary Elwes) "My brains, his steel, and your strength against sixty men, and you think a little head-jiggle is supposed to make me happy?"

• (André the Giant) "Why do you wear a mask? Were you burned by acid, or something like that?"
• (Man in Black) "Oh no, it's just that they're terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future."

• (Man in Black) "Look, are you just fiddling around with me or what?"
• (André the Giant) "I just want you to feel you're doing well."

• (André the Giant) "You be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted."

• (André the Giant) "You never said anything about killing anyone."
• (Wallace Shawn) "I've hired you to help me start a war. It's an prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition."
• (André the Giant) "I just don't think it's right, killing an innocent girl."
• (Wallace Shawn) "Am I going MAD, or did the word "think" escape your lips? You were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic land mass."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "I agree with Fezzik."
• (Wallace Shawn) "Oh, the sot has spoken. What happens to her is not truly your concern. I will kill her. And remember this, never forget this: when I found you, you were so slobbering drunk, you couldn't buy brandy."
• (Wallace Shawn) "And YOU: friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless. Do you want me to send you back to where you were? Unemployed, in Greenland?"

• (André the Giant) "I just figured why you give me so much trouble."
• (Cary Elwes) "Why is that"
• (Cary Elwes) "do you think?"
• (André the Giant) "Well, I haven't fought one person for so long. I've been specialised in groups, battling gangs for local charities, that kind of thing."
• (Cary Elwes) "Why should that make such a"
• (Cary Elwes) "difference?"
• (André the Giant) "You use different moves when you're fighting half a dozen people, than when you only have to be worried about one"

• (André the Giant) "My men are here. I am here. But soon you will not be here."

• (André the Giant) "How long do we have to wait, before we know the miracle works?"
• (Mandy Patinkin) "You're guess is as good as mine."
• (Cary Elwes) "I'll beat you both apart. I'll take you both together."
• (André the Giant) "I guess not very long."

Mandy Patinkin as Inigo Montoya

• (Mandy Patinkin) "Excuse me -- Pardon me, please, it's important -- Fezzik, please?"
• (André the Giant) "EVERYBODY MOVE."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Thank you."

• (Mandy Patinkin) "I do not budge; keep your "ho there"."

• (Mandy Patinkin) "Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the king all those years?"
• (Billy Crystal) "The King's stinking son fired me, and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed."

• (Mandy Patinkin) "Kill me quickly."
• (Man in Black) "I would sooner destroy a stained glass window than an artist like yourself. However, since I can't have you follow me either --"
• (Man in Black) "Please understand I hold you in the highest respect."

• (Mandy Patinkin) "That Vizzini, he can fuss."
• (André the Giant) "Fuss, fuss -- I think he like to scream at us."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Probably he means no harm."
• (André the Giant) "He's really very short on charm."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "You have a great gift for rhyme."
• (André the Giant) "Yes, yes, some of the time."
• (Wallace Shawn) "Enough of that."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?"
• (André the Giant) "If there are, we all be dead."
• (Wallace Shawn) "No more rhymes now, I mean it."
• (André the Giant) "Anybody want a peanut?"
• (Wallace Shawn) "DYEEAAHHHHHH."

• (Mandy Patinkin) "Is very strange. I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it's over, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life."
• (Cary Elwes) "Have you ever considered piracy? You'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts."

• (Mandy Patinkin) "I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?"
• (Man in Black) "Do you always begin conversations this way?"

• (Mandy Patinkin) "My father was slaughtered by a six-fingered man. He was a great swordmaker, my father. When the six-fingered man appeared and requested a special sword, my father took the job. He slaved a year before it was done."
• (Man in Black) "I've never seen its equal."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "The six-fingered man returned and demanded it, but at one tenth his promised price. My father refused. Without a word, the six-fingered man slashed him through the heart. I loved my father. So naturally, I challenged his murderer to a duel. I failed. The six-fingered man left me alive, but he gave me these."
• (Man in Black) "How old were you?"
• (Mandy Patinkin) "I was eleven years old. And when I was strong enough, I dedicated my life to the study of fencing. So the next time we meet, I will not fail. I will go up to the six-fingered man and say, "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.""

• (Mandy Patinkin) "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
• (Christopher Guest) "Stop saying that."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "HELLO. MY NAME IS INIGO MONTOYA. YOU KILLED MY FATHER. PREPARE TO DIE."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Offer me money."
• (Christopher Guest) "Yes."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Power, too, promise me that."
• (Christopher Guest) "All that I have and more. Please --"
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Offer me anything I ask for."
• (Christopher Guest) "Anything you want --"
• (Mandy Patinkin) "I want my father back, you son of a bitch."

• (Mandy Patinkin) "But, I promise I will not kill you until you reach the top."
• (Man in Black) "That's VERY comforting, but I'm afraid you'll just have to wait."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "I hate waiting. I could give you my word as a Spaniard."
• (Man in Black) "No good. I've known too many Spaniards."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Isn't there any way you trust me?"
• (Man in Black) "Nothing comes to mind."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "I swear on the soul of my father, Domingo Montoya, you will reach the top alive."
• (Man in Black) "Throw me the rope."

• (Mandy Patinkin) "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
• (Christopher Guest) "Stop saying that."

• (Mandy Patinkin) "But this is Buttercup's true love; If you heal him, he will stop Humperdinck's wedding."
• (Billy Crystal) "Wait. Wait. I make him better, Humperdinck suffers?"
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Humiliations galore."
• (Billy Crystal) "HA-HA-HA."
• (Billy Crystal) "That is a noble cause. Give me the sixty-five, I'm on the job."

• (Mandy Patinkin) "Who are you?"
• (Man in Black) "No one of consequence."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "I must know --"
• (Man in Black) "Get used to disappointment."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "'kay."

• (Mandy Patinkin) "You are wonderful."
• (Man in Black) "Thank you; I've worked hard to become so."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "I admit it, you are better than I am."
• (Man in Black) "Then why are you smiling?"
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Because I know something you don't know."
• (Man in Black) "And what is that?"
• (Mandy Patinkin) "I am not left-handed."
• (Man in Black) "You are amazing."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "I ought to be, after 20 years."
• (Man in Black) "Oh, there's something I ought to tell you."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Tell me."
• (Man in Black) "I'm not left-handed either."

• (Mandy Patinkin) "That's a miracle pill?"
• (Carol Kane) "The chocolate coating makes it go down easier. But you have to wait fifteen minutes for full potency. And you shouldn't go in swimming after, for at least, what?"

• (Mandy Patinkin) "You are using Bonetti's Defense against me, ah?"
• (Man in Black) "I thought it fitting considering the rocky terrain."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Naturally, you must expect me to attack with Capo Ferro?"
• (Man in Black) "Naturally, but I find that Thibault cancels out Capo Ferro. Don't you?"
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Unless the enemy has studied his Agrippa -- which I have."

• (Mandy Patinkin) "Hello there. Slow going?"
• (Man in Black) "Look, I don't mean to be rude but this is not as easy as it looks, so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't distract me."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Sorry."
• (Man in Black) "Thank you."

• (Mandy Patinkin) "He's right on top of us. I wonder if he is using the same wind we are using."

• (Man in Black) "You've done nothing but study swordplay?"
• (Mandy Patinkin) "More pursue than study lately. You see, I cannot find him -- it's been twenty years now and I'm starting to lose confidence. I just work for Vizzini to pay the bills. There's not a lot of money in revenge."
• (Man in Black) "Well I certainly hope you find him someday."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "You are ready then?"
• (Man in Black) "Whether I am or not, you've been more than fair."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "You seem a decent fellow -- I hate to kill you."
• (Man in Black) "You seem a decent fellow -- I hate to die."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Begin."

• (Mandy Patinkin) "I donna suppose you could speed things up?"
• (Man in Black) "If you're in such a hurry, you could lower a rope or a tree branch or find something useful to do."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "I could do that. I have some rope up here, but I do not think you would accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you."
• (Man in Black) "That does put a damper on our relationship."

• (Mandy Patinkin) "Where is the Man in Black?"
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Fezzik, jog his memory."
• (André the Giant) "Sorry, Inigo. I didn't mean to jog him so hard."

• (Mandy Patinkin) "I am waiting for Vizzini."
• (André the Giant) "You surely are a meanie."
• (André the Giant) "Hello."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "It's you."
• (André the Giant) "True."

• (Mandy Patinkin) "Do you hear that, Fezzik? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when Rugen slaughtered my father. The man in black makes it now."
• (André the Giant) "The man in black?"
• (Mandy Patinkin) "His true love is marrying another tonight, so who else has the cause for ultimate suffering?"

• (Mandy Patinkin) "Let's go."
• (André the Giant) "Where?"
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Find the man in black obviously."
• (André the Giant) "But don't you know where he is."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Don't bother me with trifles. After 20 years, at last my father's soul will be at peace. There will be blood tonight."

• (Mandy Patinkin) "I am waiting for you, Vizzini. You told me to go back to the beginning -- so I have."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "This is where I am, this is where I'll stay. I will not be moved."

• (Mandy Patinkin) "You know, Fezzik, you finally did something right."
• (André the Giant) "Don't worry, I won't let it go to my head."

• (Mandy Patinkin) "You are sure nobody's followed us?"
• (Wallace Shawn) "As I told you, it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways inconceivable. No one in Guilder knows what we've done, and no one in Florin could have gotten here so fast. Out of curiosity, why do you ask?"
• (Mandy Patinkin) "No reason. It's only -- I just happened to look behind us and something is there."
• (Wallace Shawn) "What? Probably some local fisherman, out for a pleasure cruise, at night -- in -- eel-infested waters --"

Chris Sarandon as Prince Humperdinck

• (Chris Sarandon) "For the last time, surrender."
• (Cary Elwes) "DEATH FIRST."

• (Chris Sarandon) "You truly love each other and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the story books say. And so I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will."

• (Chris Sarandon) "Please consider me as an alternative to suicide."

• (Chris Sarandon) "You truly love each other? Then you might have been truly happy. No couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the storybooks say. And so I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will"
• (Christopher Guest) "Not to Fifty."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Fezzik, do you hear that? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when Count Rugen killed my father. The Man in Black makes it now."
• (André the Giant) "The Man in Black?"
• (Mandy Patinkin) "His true love is marry Prince Humperdinck tonight, so who else has cause for ultimate suffering?"

• (Chris Sarandon) "Surrender."
• (Cary Elwes) "You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept."

• (Chris Sarandon) "Someone has beaten a Giant. There will be much suffering in Guilder if she dies."

• (Chris Sarandon) ""My people. A month from now -- I've forgotten my line.""

• (Chris Sarandon) "First things first, to the death."
• (Cary Elwes) "No. To the pain."
• (Chris Sarandon) "I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase."
• (Cary Elwes) "I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon."
• (Chris Sarandon) "That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me."
• (Cary Elwes) "It won't be the last. To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose."
• (Chris Sarandon) "And then my tongue I suppose, I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight."
• (Cary Elwes) "I wasn't finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right."
• (Chris Sarandon) "And then my ears, I understand let's get on with it."
• (Cary Elwes) "WRONG. Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God. What is that thing," will echo in your perfect ears. That is what "to the pain means." It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever."
• (Chris Sarandon) "I think you're bluffing."
• (Cary Elwes) "It's possible, Pig, I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. But, then again -- perhaps I have the strength after all."
• (Cary Elwes) "DROP -- YOUR -- SWORD."

• (Chris Sarandon) "She is alive, or was an hour ago. If she is otherwise when I find her I shall be very put out."

• (Chris Sarandon) "My father's final words were --"
• (Fred Savage) "Hold it. Hold it, Grandpa."

Carol Kane as Valerie

(We don't have any quotes for this character)

Malcolm Storry as Yellin

• (Malcolm Storry) "Is everybody out?"
• (The Assistant Brute) "Almost. There's a Spaniard giving us some trouble."
• (Malcolm Storry) "Well, you give HIM some trouble. Move."

Cary Elwes as Westley

• (Cary Elwes) "Give us the gate key."
• (Malcolm Storry) "I have no gate key."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Fezzik, tear his arms off."
• (Malcolm Storry) "Oh, you mean this gate key."

• (Cary Elwes) "I told you I would always come for you. Why didn't you wait for me?"
• (Robin Wright) "Well -- you were dead."
• (Cary Elwes) "Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while."
• (Robin Wright) "I will never doubt again."
• (Cary Elwes) "There will never be a need."

• (Cary Elwes) "Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning."

• (Cary Elwes) "Ha, your pig fiance is too late."

• (Cary Elwes) "Where am I?"
• (Mel Smith) "The Pit of Despair. Don't even think --"
• (Mel Smith) "-- don't even think about trying to escape. The chains are far too thick. Don't dream of being rescued, either; the only way in is secret. Only the Prince, the Count, and I know how to get in and out."
• (Cary Elwes) "So I'm here till I die?"
• (Mel Smith) "Until they kill you, yeah."
• (Cary Elwes) "Then why bother curing me?"
• (Mel Smith) "Well, the Prince and Count always insist on everyone being healthy before they're broken."
• (Cary Elwes) "So it's to be torture?"
• (Cary Elwes) "I can cope with torture."
• (Cary Elwes) "Don't believe me?"
• (Mel Smith) "You survived the Fire Swamp, so you must be very brave, but no one withstands The Machine."

• (Cary Elwes) "Can you move at all?"
• (Robin Wright) "Move? You're alive. If you want I can fly."

• (Cary Elwes) "I mean, if we only had a wheelbarrow, that would be something."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Where we did we put that wheelbarrow the albino had?"
• (André the Giant) "Over the albino, I think."
• (Cary Elwes) "Well, why didn't you list that among our assets in the first place?"

• (Cary Elwes) "Who are you? Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? Where is Buttercup?"
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Let me explain."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Buttercup is marry Humperdinck in little less than half an hour. So all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the princess, make our escape -- after I kill Count Rugen."
• (Cary Elwes) "That doesn't leave much time for dilly-dallying."
• (André the Giant) "You just wiggled your finger. That's wonderful."
• (Cary Elwes) "I've always been a quick healer. What are our liabilities?"
• (Mandy Patinkin) "There is but one working castle gate, and -- and it is guarded by 60 men."
• (Cary Elwes) "And our assets?"
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Your brains, Fezzik's strength, my steel."

• (Cary Elwes) "It's not that bad."
• (Cary Elwes) "Well, I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely."

• (Cary Elwes) "There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours."

• (Cary Elwes) "Roberts had grown so rich, he wanted to retire. He took me to his cabin and he told me his secret. 'I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts' he said. 'My name is Ryan; I inherited the ship from the previous Dread Pirate Roberts, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from is not the real Dread Pirate Roberts either. His name was Cummerbund. The real Roberts has been retired 15 years and living like a king in Patagonia.'"

• (Cary Elwes) "Hear this now: I will always come for you."
• (Robin Wright) "But how can you be sure?"
• (Cary Elwes) "This is true love; you think this happens every day?"

• (Cary Elwes) "But how will you capture us? We know the Secrets of the Fire Swamp. We can live there quite happily for some time, so if you ever feel like dying, please pay us a visit."

Peter Cook as The Impressive Clergyman

• (Peter Cook) "Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder today. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam --"
• (Peter Cook) "And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva --"
• (Peter Cook) "So tweasure your wuv."
• (Chris Sarandon) "Skip to the end."
• (Peter Cook) "Have you the wing?"
• (Peter Cook) "-- and do you, Pwincess Buwwercup --"
• (Chris Sarandon) "Man and wife. Say man and wife."
• (Peter Cook) "Man an' wife."

• (Peter Cook) "Mawwige is whut bwings us togevveh today."
• (Peter Cook) "Wike a dweam wifin a dweam."
• (Peter Cook) "Wuv too wuv will fowwow you forwever so tweasure your wuv."
• (Peter Cook) "Pwincess Butuhcup --"

Wallace Shawn as Vizzini

• (Wallace Shawn) "We'll head straight for the Guilder frontier. You catch up with us there. If he falls, fine. If not, the sword."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "I'm going to duel him left-handed."
• (Wallace Shawn) "You know what a hurry we're in."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "Well, is only way I can be satisfied. If I use my right -- over too quickly."
• (Wallace Shawn) "Oh, have it your way."

• (Wallace Shawn) "I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains."
• (Man in Black) "You're that smart?"
• (Wallace Shawn) "Let me put it this way. Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?"
• (Man in Black) "Yes."
• (Wallace Shawn) "Morons."

• (Man in Black) "I challenge you to a battle of wits."
• (Wallace Shawn) "For the Princess?"
• (Wallace Shawn) "To the death?"
• (Wallace Shawn) "I accept."

• (Wallace Shawn) "You're trying to kidnap what I've rightfully stolen."

• (Wallace Shawn) "Oh. The sot has spoken."

• (Wallace Shawn) "Inconceivable."

• (Wallace Shawn) "Jump in after her."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "I don't swim"
• (André the Giant) "I only dog paddle."
• (Wallace Shawn) "AGGHH."

• (Man in Black) "All right. Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right -- and who is dead."
• (Wallace Shawn) "But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me."
• (Man in Black) "You've made your decision then?"
• (Wallace Shawn) "Not remotely. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you."
• (Man in Black) "Truly, you have a dizzying intellect."
• (Wallace Shawn) "Wait till I get going. Now, where was I?"
• (Man in Black) "Australia."
• (Wallace Shawn) "Yes, Australia. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me."
• (Man in Black) "You're just stalling now."
• (Wallace Shawn) "You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me."
• (Man in Black) "You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work."
• (Wallace Shawn) "IT HAS WORKED. YOU'VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY. I KNOW WHERE THE POISON IS."
• (Man in Black) "Then make your choice."
• (Wallace Shawn) "I will, and I choose -- what in the world can that be?"
• (Man in Black) "What? Where? I don't see anything."
• (Wallace Shawn) "Well, I- I could have sworn I saw something. But no matter."
• (Man in Black) "What's so funny?"
• (Wallace Shawn) "I'll tell you in a minute. First, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours."
• (Man in Black) "You guessed wrong."
• (Wallace Shawn) "You only think I guessed wrong. That's what's so funny. I switched glasses when your back was turned. Ha ha. You fool. You fell victim to one of the classic blunders; the most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia"; but only slightly less well-known is this: "Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line". Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha --"
• (Man in Black) "You all right?"
• (Robin Wright) "And to think, all that time it was your cup that was poisoned."
• (Man in Black) "They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder."

• (Wallace Shawn) "Finish him. Finish him, your way."
• (André the Giant) "Oh good, my way. Thank you Vizzini -- what's my way?"
• (Wallace Shawn) "Pick up one of those rocks, get behind a boulder, in a few minutes the man in black will come running around the bend, the minute his head is in view, hit it with the rock."
• (André the Giant) "My way's not very sportsman-like."

• (Wallace Shawn) "HE DIDN'T FALL? INCONCEIVABLE."
• (Mandy Patinkin) "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

• (Wallace Shawn) "You were supposed to be this Colossus. You were this great legendary thing, and yet he gains."
• (André the Giant) "Well I'm carrying three people, and he got only himself."
• (Wallace Shawn) "I will not accept excuses I'm just going to have to find myself a new Giant, that's all."
• (André the Giant) "Don't say that, Vezzini, please."

Peter Falk as Grandpa

• (Peter Falk) "Westley didn't reach his destination. His ship was attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts, who never left captives alive. When Buttercup got the news that Westley was murdered --"
• (Fred Savage) "Murdered by pirates is good --"

• (Peter Falk) "Nothing gave Buttercup as much pleasure as ordering Westley around."
• (Robin Wright) "Farm boy, polish my horse's saddle. I want to see my face shining in it by morning."
• (Cary Elwes) "As you wish."
• (Peter Falk) ""As you wish" was all he ever said to her."
• (Robin Wright) "Farm boy, fill these with water; please."
• (Cary Elwes) "As you wish."
• (Peter Falk) "That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying "As you wish", what he meant was, "I love you." And even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved him back."
• (Robin Wright) "Farm boy -- fetch me that pitcher."
• (Cary Elwes) "As you wish."
• (Fred Savage) "Hold it, hold it. What is this? Are you trying to trick me? Where's the sports?"
• (Fred Savage) "Is this a kissing book?"
• (Peter Falk) "Wait, just wait."
• (Fred Savage) "Well, when does it get good?"
• (Peter Falk) "Keep your shirt on, and let me read."

• (Peter Falk) "It was ten days to the wedding. The King still lived, but Buttercup's nightmares were growing steadily worse."
• (Fred Savage) "See, didn't I tell you she'd never marry that rotten Humperdinck?"
• (Peter Falk) "Yes, you're very smart. Shut up."

• (Peter Falk) "She doesn't get eaten by the eels at this time."
• (Fred Savage) "What?"
• (Peter Falk) "The eel doesn't get her. I'm explaining to you because you look nervous."
• (Fred Savage) "I wasn't nervous. Maybe I was a little bit concerned, but that's not the same thing."

• (Peter Falk) ".Grandpa, maybe you could come over and read it again to me tomorrow."
• (Peter Falk) "As you wish."

• (Peter Falk) "And as they reached for each other --"
• (Fred Savage) "What? What?"
• (Peter Falk) "Ah, it's kissing again. You don't want to hear that."
• (Fred Savage) "I don't mind so much."
• (Peter Falk) "Oh, okay."

Christopher Guest as Count Rugen

• (Christopher Guest) "You've got an overdeveloped sense of vengeance. It's going to get you into trouble one of these days."

• (Christopher Guest) "Kill the giant and the dark one, leave the third for questioning."

• (Christopher Guest) "Your princess is quite a winning creature. A trifle simple, perhaps. Her appeal is undeniable."
• (Chris Sarandon) "I know, the people are quite taken with her. It's odd, but when I hired Vizzini to have her murdered on our engagement day, I thought that was clever. But it's going to be so much more moving when I strangle her on our wedding night. Once Guilder is blamed, the nation will truly be outraged; they'll demand we go to war."
• (Christopher Guest) "Now where is that secret knot? It's impossible to find --"
• (Christopher Guest) "Ah. Are you coming down into the pit? Wesley's got his strength back. I'm starting him on the machine tonight."
• (Chris Sarandon) "Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work, but I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it; I'm swamped."
• (Christopher Guest) "Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, then you haven't got anything."

• (Christopher Guest) "Beautiful isn't it? It took me half a lifetime to invent it. I'm sure you've discovered my deep and abiding interest in pain. Presently I'm writing the definitive work on the subject, so I want you to be totally honest with me on how the machine makes you feel. This being our first try, I'll use the lowest setting."
• (Christopher Guest) "As you know, the concept of the suction pump is centuries old. Really that's all this is except that instead of sucking water, I'm sucking life. I've just sucked one year of your life away. I might one day go as high as five, but I really don't know what that would do to you. So, let's just start with what we have. What did this do to you? Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity so be honest. How do you feel?"
• (Christopher Guest) "Interesting."

• (Christopher Guest) "You must be that little Spanish brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago. You've been chasing me your whole life only to fail now? I think that's about the worst thing I've ever heard."
• (Christopher Guest) "How marvelous."

Fred Savage as The Grandson

• (Fred Savage) "A book?"
• (Peter Falk) "In my day, television was called 'a book.'"

• (Fred Savage) "Wait, what did Fezzik mean "He's dead"? I mean, he didn't mean dead. Westley's only faking. Right?"
• (Peter Falk) "You want me to read this or not?"
• (Fred Savage) "Who gets Humperdinck?"
• (Peter Falk) "I don't understand."
• (Fred Savage) "Who kills Prince Humperdinck? At the end. Somebody's got to do it. Is it Iñigo, who?"
• (Peter Falk) "Nobody. Nobody kills him. He lives."
• (Fred Savage) "You mean he wins?"
• (Fred Savage) "Jesus, Grandpa. What did you read me this thing for?"
• (Peter Falk) "You know, you've been very sick and you're taking this story very seriously. I think we better stop now."
• (Fred Savage) "No, I'm okay. I'm okay. Sit down. I'm all right."

• (Fred Savage) "A book?"
• (Peter Falk) "That's right. When I was your age, television was called books. And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I'm gonna read it to you."
• (Fred Savage) "Has it got any sports in it?"
• (Peter Falk) "Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles --"
• (Fred Savage) "Doesn't sound too bad. I'll try to stay awake."
• (Peter Falk) "Oh, well, thank you very much, very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming."

• (Fred Savage) "They're kissing again. Do we have to read the kissing parts?"

Willoughby Gray as The King

• (Willoughby Gray) "Strange wedding."
• (The Queen) "Yes. Very strange wedding. Come along."

Margery Mason as The Ancient Booer

• (Margery Mason) "Boo. Boo. Boo."
• (Robin Wright) "Why do you do this?"
• (Margery Mason) "Because you had love in your hands, and you gave it up."
• (Robin Wright) "But they would have killed Westley if I hadn't done it."
• (Margery Mason) "Your true love lives. And you marry another. True Love saved her in the Fire Swamp, and she treated it like garbage. And that's what she is, the Queen of Refuse. So bow down to her if you want, bow to her. Bow to the Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of Putrescence. Boo. Boo. Rubbish. Filth. Slime. Muck. Boo. Boo. Boo."

Betsy Brantley as The Mother

• (Betsy Brantley) "Hi, honey."
• (Fred Savage) "Hi, Mom."

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