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The Partridge Family Quotes

The Partridge Family is a Musical Situation comedy that first aired in 1970 on American Broadcasting Company. The Partridge Family ended in 1974.

The Partridge Family was on for 4 seasons and 96 episodes. It features William Bickley as producer, Diane Hilderbrand as theme composer, George Duning as composer, and Fred Jackman, Jr. as head of cinematography. The Partridge Family is executive produced by Bob Claver. The Partridge Family is created by Bernard Slade.

The Partridge Family is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Partridge Family is 25 minutes long. The Partridge Family is produced by Screen Gems and distributed by Columbia Pictures Television.

The cast includes: Danny Bonaduce as Danny, David Cassidy as Keith, Dave Madden as Reuben Kincaid, Susan Dey as Laurie Partridge, and Suzanne Crough as Tracy Partridge.

The Partridge Family Quotes

Danny Bonaduce as Danny

  • (Danny Bonaduce) "All's fair in love and Parcheesi."
  • (Susan Dey) "-- Well, to me love is total. It's a direct communication between two people. The key word is honesty."
  • (David Cassidy) "Right. When you love someone you know you can trust them. That's another big part of it. Trust."
  • (Susan Dey) "Yes, but you have to earn that. You can't just take it."
  • (David Cassidy) "Sure you can. Haven't you ever heard of stolen kisses?"
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "I guess every family has to have a black sheep. I always thought ours was Keith."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "It's not normal for kids to be quiet. I might end up maladjusted."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "All's fair in love and Parchessi"
  • (Unnamed) "I'm having trouble moving my mouth."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Don't worry about it, it's perfectly normal."
  • (Unnamed) "How can I sing if I can't move my mouth?"
  • (David Cassidy) "Just fake it, ok?"
  • (David Cassidy) "Why are you feeling your knees?"
  • (Unnamed) "I think they're locked."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Good. That'll stop you from falling if you pass out."
  • (Susan Dey) "Don't worry Mom, we'll all be here to help you."
  • (Unnamed) "Sure, you don't have to worry about a thing."
  • (Unnamed) "Aren't you kids nervous at all?"
  • (Susan Dey) "No."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Why should we be nervous? We're terrific."
  • (Unnamed) "All right, places everyone. We're ready to go."
  • (David Cassidy) "You're gonna be wonderful, honest, Mom."
  • (Susan Dey) "This is the big time. You'll be great, you'll be fantastic, nothing to worry about."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Relax, Mom, but just remember our whole future depends on these next few minutes."
  • (Unnamed) "Ohhhhhhhhh --"
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "-- Keith, we can't gamble with our family. They're worth a lot more than $156. Even Tracy."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "I've been a kid, and I've been an adult. And believe me, adultery isn't what it's cracked up to be."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "-- So, as an attorney, what do you think of Perry Mason?"
  • (Unnamed) "Whatever gave you the idea you could operate your own Lonely Hearts Club?"
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. What you said is, "Reuben needs a wife.""
  • (Dave Madden) "I need a what ?"
  • (Suzanne Crough) "I told them to get you a goldfish, but they wouldn't listen."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "You know we think a lot alike."
  • (Dave Madden) "I know and sometimes it scares me."
  • (Unnamed) "Well, kids, how do you like performing in an amusement park?"
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Great. But it would be perfect if cotton candy was deductible."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "-- Keith, that's the meanest, rottenest and dirtiest trick anyone can play on his sister. No wonder you're my idol."
  • (Unnamed) "There's no sense in waiting up. Laurie's in good hands."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "That's what I'm afraid of."
  • (David Cassidy) "-- I wouldn't worry about him. He's an archaeologist. He can always dig up a girl."
  • (Unnamed) "-- Danny, there's more to life than taking bows."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Not when you're an egomaniac with grease paint in your blood."
  • (Unnamed) "Danny, when will Keith be able to pay back the money he owes us?"
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "If I have it my way, he'll be able to pay in about a year."
  • (David Cassidy) "A year."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "If Keith has it his way, we'll have to wait for the reading of his will."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "You can't blame me. I'm just a kid."
  • (Dave Madden) "No, you're not. You're a midget in a kid suit."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "-- A Partridge never forgets. I have a photographic mind."
  • (Susan Dey) "Sure you do; unfortunately, you always forget to load the film in it."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Well?"
  • (Susan Dey) "Well, what?"
  • (David Cassidy) "Tell us what a minister does on a date."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "I bet he took you to see the Ten Commandments."
  • (David Cassidy) "No. Too racy."
  • (Susan Dey) "What makes you think we went to a movie?"
  • (David Cassidy) "C'mon, fill us in on the details."
  • (Susan Dey) "You really want to know where we went?"
  • (David Cassidy) "Yeah."
  • (Susan Dey) "Well, we couldn't decide on what movie to see, so -- We went straight to Muldoon's Point."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "I wonder how he explains lipstick on his collar?"
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "-- Don't you think one genius in the family is enough?"
  • (David Cassidy) "Who might that be?"
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Modesty prevents me from stating the obvious."
  • (Unnamed) "Danny --."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Well, at least I know my limitations. All I want to be is Howard Hughes."
  • (David Cassidy) "Then why don't you disappear?"
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "I refuse to get into a battle of wits with an unarmed man."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) ""Now Available. Partridge Manor. Live among the stars"."
  • (David Cassidy) "Live among the stars. What stars?"
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Every night you just look up and there they are."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "How could you let Laurie go out with him, Mom? It's written all over his face."
  • (Unnamed) "What's written all over his face?"
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Giggle-o."
  • (Unnamed) "Giggle-o. If that's what's written all over his face, he's very poor in spelling."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "However it's pronounced, it means rotten."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "-- That's our Keith. Talented, handsome, and wishy-washy."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "-- Chris, Tracy, you'll both understand when you're my age -- although I'm my age and I don't understand."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Look, Keith, you've got to help me."
  • (David Cassidy) "No, I don't."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "All I need is a little advice."
  • (David Cassidy) "About what?"
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "About how to get rid of a woman that's crazy about you."
  • (David Cassidy) "All right. You might start by revealing some of your bad points, which shouldn't be too difficult. Discourage her."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "It wouldn't work. She'd know I was lying."
  • (David Cassidy) "One thing's for sure: she's not hooked on your humility."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "-- I've spied on Keith on lots of dates. Don't bother."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "I need help."
  • (David Cassidy) "We know that. But Mom won't let us have you committed."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Mom I've got something I need to tell you."
  • (David Cassidy) "Don't tell me your leaving the group already."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Of Course not."
  • (David Cassidy) "I told you not to tell me."

Suzanne Crough as Tracy Partridge

  • (Unnamed) "Tracy, don't put that drumstick up your nose."
  • (Suzanne Crough) "Why not?"
  • (Unnamed) "You don't know where it's been."
  • (Suzanne Crough) "Where's the big typhoon?"
  • (Susan Dey) "You mean tycoon."
  • (David Cassidy) "A typhoon is a big wind."
  • (Suzanne Crough) "I know what I said."
  • (Suzanne Crough) "-- If six ducks are on a pond and three more ducks land on the pond, what would you have?"
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Several hundred duck hunters."
  • (Unnamed) "Tracy, it's your turn to say grace."
  • (Suzanne Crough) "Dear Lord, thank you for our food, and please get Keith a date."
  • (Suzanne Crough) "-- It's not fair. I yelled dibbies on the bed."
  • (Susan Dey) "Tracy has a point, Mom. Seems to me that we should all get a chance to vote. After all, this is a democracy."
  • (Unnamed) "Well, I certainly don't want to be undemocratic. So, I vote for the bed; and since you two are too young to vote, I win."
  • (Unnamed) "C'mon, let's play a game, Mr. Kincaid."
  • (Suzanne Crough) "Yeah, let's play a game."
  • (Dave Madden) "Okay, okay. Let's play a game called "Lost.""
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "How do you play?"
  • (Dave Madden) "Well, I'll hide my eyes and you three kids run away from home; far and fast; and keep running until you're lost."
  • (Suzanne Crough) "Then what?"
  • (Dave Madden) "In three weeks, I'll come look for you. If I find you, I lose."
  • (Suzanne Crough) "What if you don't find us?"
  • (Dave Madden) "Well, then I win."

Dave Madden as Reuben Kincaid

  • (Dave Madden) "Why couldn't I take a nice SAFE job? Like milking cobras."
  • (Dave Madden) "-- Shirley, trust me."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "That's asking too much."
  • (Dave Madden) "-- Danny, if there's anything you want to know about handling women, you want to get it from a real pro."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Yeah, but I already asked Keith. He was no help."
  • (Dave Madden) "I was talking about myself."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Mr. Kincaid, I know you're trying to cheer me up by making me laugh. Bless you."
  • (Dave Madden) "Danny, if you'd like to go to the beach with me, I'll let you swim in the riptide."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Riptides are dangerous."
  • (Dave Madden) "Aw, who told you that?"
  • (Dave Madden) "-- The army hasn't admitted making a mistake since 1952."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "What happened in 1952?"
  • (Dave Madden) "They drafted me."
  • (Dave Madden) "-- You know, we'll laugh about this in five or ten years; whenever we get out of prison."
  • (Dave Madden) "-- I just can't believe it. Keith Partridge flunking sex education. Well, he and I finally have something in common."
  • (Unnamed) "Reuben, they didn't teach sex education when you went to high school."
  • (Dave Madden) "Yeah, I know. But I flunked it anyway."
  • (Dave Madden) "I don't suppose you gentlemen are from the Auto Club?"
  • (Dave Madden) "Now that I understand, I wish I didn't understand."
  • (Dave Madden) "-- How old is Danny?"
  • (Suzanne Crough) "Ten. Why?"
  • (Dave Madden) "I keep getting this funny feeling that I'm dealing with a 40-year-old midget."
  • (Dave Madden) "-- You know, Shirley, I was thinking --"
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "In Mr. Kincaid's case, that can be dangerous."
  • (Unnamed) "-- Danny wanted an advance on his allowance."
  • (Dave Madden) "What's so strange about that?"
  • (Unnamed) "A six-year advance?"
  • (Dave Madden) "-- There is a good side to Danny getting his tonsils taken out: He may not be able to talk for days."
  • (Dave Madden) "Danny, if you're ever thinking of running away from home, do it."
  • (Dave Madden) "Hey, kid. You want to be among friends?"
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Yeah."
  • (Dave Madden) "Go stand in front of a bug light."
  • (Dave Madden) "Kincaid's Law: A dry client equals a broke manager."
  • (Dave Madden) "-- Good day."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "It was until now."
  • (Dave Madden) "-- You can read about it when I write my memoirs, "The Thrilling Adventures of Reuben Kincaid"."
  • (Susan Dey) "It'll be a thin book."
  • (Dave Madden) "If you're big enough to get away with it, then it's right. That's international law."
  • (Dave Madden) "Free speech is great, until it's someone else speaking."
  • (Dave Madden) "-- You have my word as a gentleman."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Thanks, but I'd rather have someone watching you."

Susan Dey as Laurie Partridge

  • (Susan Dey) "-- I have got the greatest news."
  • (David Cassidy) "You're taking your own apartment?"
  • (Susan Dey) "-- You know, there's one good thing about being paranoid: You're always the center of attention."
  • (Susan Dey) "-- Mom, if I get into any trouble I can always run for help. I don't need Keith to do it for me."
  • (Susan Dey) "Keith, don't you ever knock before coming into a person's room?"
  • (David Cassidy) "You're not a person, you're my sister."
  • (Susan Dey) "You know, it takes a warped mind to think of women as a hobby."
  • (Unnamed) "I'd rather collect stamps."
  • (Susan Dey) "When you're well-known, it's an opportunity to set a good example."
  • (Unnamed) "In fact, it's an obligation."
  • (Susan Dey) "Every daughter wants her mother to marry a doctor."
  • (Susan Dey) "-- When are you going to learn to respect Keith's privacy?"
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "As soon as he gets a window shade."
  • (Susan Dey) "-- Keith, if men like you had their own country, Hugh Hefner would be king."

David Cassidy as Keith

  • (David Cassidy) "No wonder you have red hair. Your brain is rusted."
  • (David Cassidy) "If man was supposed to sing in high places, he would have been born a soprano."
  • (David Cassidy) "This date is an opportunity."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "I thought you considered every date an opportunity."
  • (David Cassidy) "-- I'm not going to fight you, Goose. I'll fight you for something I believe in, but I'm not going to fight you just because you're ego's hurt. It's just not a good enough reason."
  • (David Cassidy) "-- Now that you've got a million dollars, what's the first thing you're going to do?"
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Gloat."
  • (David Cassidy) "Besides that."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Invest it."
  • (David Cassidy) "I think the first thing I'm going to do is charter a boat and sail to the Caribbean."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Great. I'll rent it to you."
  • (Unnamed) "Why don't you buy a boat, Keith?"
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Because I bought it first."
  • (David Cassidy) "What are you going to do, Chris?"
  • (Unnamed) "Buy a catcher's mitt --"
  • (David Cassidy) "No wonder you're so short. You think small."
  • (Unnamed) "-- But then I'm going to buy the Los Angeles Dodgers."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "I'm not selling."
  • (David Cassidy) "It all started when I lost my pickle."
  • (David Cassidy) "Has anybody got any ideas about what they're going to do for Mom's birthday?"
  • (Susan Dey) "I thought about offering to do all the cooking for a month. How about you?"
  • (David Cassidy) "I'll buy the family a stomach pump."
  • (David Cassidy) "You know, I wish you'd read the story of Evel Knievel."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Why's that?"
  • (David Cassidy) "Well, then maybe you might go take a flying leap."
  • (David Cassidy) "Look at these prices."
  • (David Cassidy) "There you are, you red-headed hamburger."
  • (David Cassidy) "-- I think the whole thing taught me a lesson."
  • (Unnamed) "What's that?"
  • (David Cassidy) "I don't know yet. But there must be a lesson in there somewhere for all this suffering."
  • (David Cassidy) "Look, I just want to play music the best way I know how. Now is that wrong?"
  • (David Cassidy) "Who could live without a car or a girlfriend?"
  • (Unnamed) "I could, I do it all the time."
  • (David Cassidy) "-- This whole thing is your fault. You and your dumb ideas."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "Anyone can come up with a dumb idea, but it takes a real numbskull to listen to it."
  • (David Cassidy) "-- I'm beginning to realize that responsibilities are something you have to assume gradually."
  • (Unnamed) "Well, you are a little young to be raising four kids."
  • (David Cassidy) "I'm old enough to handle them, all right. It just doesn't leave enough time to do my homework."
  • (David Cassidy) "You are looking at the King."
  • (Danny Bonaduce) "I didn't know dummies had a King."
  • (Unnamed) "I think it's wonderful the way this whole family pitches in to help."
  • (David Cassidy) "You know, Mom -- If you weren't always busy cleaning the house, you wouldn't be so tired."
  • (David Cassidy) "In this day and age, anything can happen. Love does not ask to see your I.D."

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