The Parole Officer Quotes

The Parole Officer is a television show that first aired in 1970 . The Parole Officer stopped airing in 1970.

It features Duncan Kenworthy as producer, Alex Heffes in charge of musical score, and John Daly as head of cinematography.

The Parole Officer is recorded in English and originally aired in United Kingdom. Each episode of The Parole Officer is 93 min. long. The Parole Officer is distributed by DNA Films.

The cast includes: Steve Coogan as Simon Garden, Stephen Dillane as Inspector Burton, Lena Headey as Emma, Om Puri as George, Steven Waddington as Jeff, Justin Burrows as All, Emma Williams as Kirsty, and Ben Miller as Colin.

The Parole Officer Quotes

Ben Miller as Colin

• (Ben Miller) "What we don't need is a curly headed wanker trying to be Captain Kirk."
• (Steve Coogan) "At least he got things done. Imagine you looking for Spock in Star Trek 4: "Oh, sorry, we couldn't find him"."
• (Ben Miller) "That was Star Trek 3. It was called "The Search for Spock"."

Steve Coogan as Simon Garden

• (Steve Coogan) "You can't intimidate me."
• (Stephen Dillane) "Let me give it a shot. If you open your mouth, I won't lay a finger on you. But you'll go to prison. And when those nonces and those perverts get hold of a clever boy like you; and I'll make sure they do; they'll be queueing up round the block. You're going to end up with an arsehole like a clown's pocket."
• (Steve Coogan) "That was pretty good."

• (Steve Coogan) "You've got a lovely little pu -- cat"

• (Tribunal Chairman) "We talked to your clients, Mr Garden."
• (Steve Coogan) "Yeah, they're good people. I used to say to them: "You're half-way up a mountain. Crime is the easy path to the bottom. Responsibility is the hard path to the top. But when you get there it's a great view. Because in every sinner, there's a -- ""
• (Stern Woman) "Thank you Mr Garden."

• (Steve Coogan) "I've got to go back."
• (Om Puri) "Never go back."
• (Steve Coogan) "I left the tape."
• (Om Puri) "In that case, go back."

• (Steve Coogan) "'OK, look. Er, in my wallet I've got forty pounds, that's twenty each.'"
• (Steve Coogan) "'I've also got a cashcard here; the daily limit is two hundred, of which I've withdrawn forty, you've got that.'"
• (Steve Coogan) "'Now, the pin number; it's the Battle of Hastings -- '"

Justin Burrows as All

• (Sarah, Victor's Wife) "After he worked with you he tried to give up his life of crime. He channelled his interests into amateur dramatics. One night he sneaked off to do the safe at Jackson's; you know, the food-processing plant? Two days later, one of the machines was playing up. They reckon he must have fallen into the mincer."
• (Justin Burrows) "Ugh."
• (Sarah, Victor's Wife) "By that stage the order's already gone out. They tried to recall them, but all they got back was half-a-dozen pies and a couple of pasties."
• (Steve Coogan) "And is that what's --"
• (Sarah, Victor's Wife) "Yes."
• (Steve Coogan) "What a waste."

Emma Williams as Kirsty

• (Emma Williams) "What is it?"
• (Om Puri) "It's a GOTLER."
• (Emma Williams) "A what?"
• (Ben Miller) "A George-operated time-lock equalising robot."

Steven Waddington as Jeff

• (Steven Waddington) "It's get Kirsty in?"

Lena Headey as Emma

• (Lena Headey) "Is that a gun in your pocket?"
• (Steve Coogan) "Uh -- no, it's my penis."

Add or Update Quotes

If you have a quote to add or change and want to let us know, please fill in the form below. Include the time in the film/video if possible so we can find it.