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The Nanny Quotes

The Nanny is a TV show that first aired in 1993 on CBS. The Nanny stopped airing in 1999.

The Nanny was on for 6 seasons and 146 episodes. It features Ann Hampton Callaway as theme composer, and Timothy Thompson as composer. The Nanny is executive produced by Fran Drescher. The Nanny is created by Fran Drescher.

The Nanny is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Nanny is 22-24 minutes long. The Nanny is produced by Sternin & Fraser Ink and distributed by Columbia TriStar Television.

The Nanny Quotes

  • (Max) "I'm going to ask Fran to sign a prenuptial agreement."
  • (Niles) "Why don't you just walk through downtown Iraq dressed like Uncle Sam. It'll be quicker."
  • (Unnamed) "She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens, 'til her boyfriend kicked her out in one of those crushing scenes. What was she to do? Where was she to go? She was out on her fanny. So over the bridge from Flushing to the Sheffield's door. She was there to sell make-up, but the father saw more. She had style. She had flair. She was there. That's how she became the Nanny. Who would have guessed that the girl we've described, was just exactly what the doctor prescribed? Now the father finds her beguiling-watch out C.C..-, and the kids are actually smiling-such joie de vivre.-. She's the lady in red when everybody else is wearing tan. The flashy girl from Flushing, the nanny named Fran."
  • (Niles) "You realize, of course, now I'm going to have to kill you."
  • (C.C.) "Let go of me you old --"
  • (Niles) "All right but I just --"
  • (Niles) "-- waxed the floor."
  • (Unnamed) "This place is gorgeous. Much better than that place you had in New York."
  • (Niles) "How do you do, Tiz Maylor? I'm Biles, the nutler."
  • (Mr. Sheffield) "Can you keep a secret?"
  • (Niles) "Well, I'm good until I meet the next person."
  • (C.C.) "I wouldn't be caught dead in that dress."
  • (Niles) "You'd have to be dead six months to fit in it."
  • (Max) "Accidents happen, you know."
  • (Niles) "Exhibit A."
  • (Mr. Sheffield) "Miss Fine, what are you doing here?"
  • (Fran) "Well, I heard moaning and screaming coming from your room and I figured -- I should be part of it."
  • (C.C.) "I'll bet my reputation on it."
  • (Niles) "Sorry, there's a five dollar minimum."
  • (C.C.) "This isn't a typical night."
  • (Niles) "Yes, you're not home alone sitting on your foot massager watching "Sisters"."
  • (Fran) "What's that?"
  • (Niles) "It's a script for Mr. Sheffield."
  • (Fran) "You didn't write another Seinfeld episode did you? Sweetie -- it's over."
  • (C.C.) "Me and Max have rented a cottage right by the lake."
  • (Niles) "How convenient, Sir, should you choose to drown yourself."
  • (Fran) "You shouldn't leave the house with things unresolved. That's why men die young."
  • (Max) "That's not why. Because they want to."
  • (Sylvia) "He's not wearing a ring."
  • (Fran) "Ma, he's a thief."
  • (Sylvia) "Who'll be worth millions in a few minutes."
  • (Mr. Sheffield) "MISS FINE."
  • (Val) "The bank robber took your mother."
  • (Fran) "Oh, my god. That poor man."
  • (Max) "You are going to rectify this situation."
  • (Fran) "Wow, that sounds painful --"
  • (Max) "I am his father."
  • (Fran) "Well, what am I?"
  • (Max) "You're the nanny."
  • (Fran) "You called me the "N" word. Did you head that, Niles?"
  • (Niles) "Do you get the house in the settlement?"
  • (Fran) "Uh-huh."
  • (Niles) "Every word."
  • (C.C.) "Don't you have something to dust?"
  • (Niles) "How about the left side of your bed?"
  • (Niles) "Why can't you just be happy for me? I'm not used to being called Sir. You're used to it."
  • (Max) "Miss Fine."
  • (Fran) "I'm seeing the children off to school."
  • (Max) "They left an hour ago."
  • (Fran) "It's a clear day, I can see forever."
  • (Niles) "You know, the next time you give your clothes away, why don't you just stay in them?"
  • (C.C.) "I could kill you -- I could throw you down and rip out your heart."
  • (Fran) "She doesn't have a key to the house, does she?"
  • (Niles) "Good things come to those who wait, unless they wait too long and they slip through their namby-pamby fingers."
  • (Niles) "Here you are, Sylvia. Pancakes, wafles and maple syrup."
  • (Sylvia Fine) "Don't you have a light one?"
  • (Niles) "Sylvia, the barn door is open and the horses have left the building."
  • (C.C.) "You are a pathetic excuse for a man."
  • (Niles) "Ditto."
  • (Sylvia Fine) "Yetta. These aren't Fran's children. Fran doen't have any children. She's not married, SHE'S ALL ALONE."
  • (Fran) "Louder, Ma, I don't think they heard you IN URUGUAY."
  • (C.C.) "Maxwell, I'm an important part of this team."
  • (Niles) "That's true sir, that couch would be floating all around if she weren't here to weigh it down."
  • (Fran) "Mint Chocolate Chip, Jamocha Almond Fudge, Pralines and Cream -- That's it. That's 30."
  • (Fran) "Oh my God, they lied. 30's a lot. Was 31 so catchy? Wait a minute. I forgot the Sherbert. All right. I'll start again. Vanilla --"
  • (C.C.) "STOP IT."
  • (Niles) "Finger sandwich?"
  • (Unnamed) "Ewww. What idiot made these?"
  • (Niles) "I did, and they're made from real little boys."
  • (Sylvia) "Do I smell banana fritters with fresh fruit compote?"
  • (Niles) "No."
  • (Sylvia) "Could I?"
  • (Fran) "I'll fight for all those small, defenseless creatures out there."
  • (Niles) "Exhibit B."
  • (C.C.) "Why don't you let me carry the tray up to Maxwell? No, I'll do it."
  • (Niles) "Fifty dollars. Why don't you just tell me how old you are then I'll let you do it."
  • (C.C.) "Seventy-five."
  • (Niles) "Now was that so hard to admit?"
  • (C.C.) "I couldn't put a foot out of bed this morning."
  • (Niles) "Did someone put a rock on your coffin again?"
  • (Unnamed) "Your queen looks like a man."
  • (Niles) "Oh, what are you doing here, the sun is up."
  • (Fran) "Honey, as long as I am living under your roof you will do as I say."
  • (C.C.) "Oh, it is so pathetic, Nanny Fine thinking she could win a kissing contest. I mean kissing is an art, it has to be sensuous, deeply felt, and most of all, spontaneous."
  • (Niles) "Was it as bad for you as it was for me?"
  • (Fran) "Meanwhile, she's scaring Gracie to death with those stories about that fat bear who can't even get through the door every time he has a decent meal."
  • (Max) "Are you talking about Winnie The Pooh?"
  • (Fran) "Yeah, him. And who in his right mind would call a boy Winnie, let alone The Pooh?"
  • (Max) "Most children love those stories."
  • (Fran) "Far be it for me to poo-poo the Pooh."
  • (Max) "Where the devil is C.C.?"
  • (Niles) "Well, Sir, it is raining outside -- maybe she melted?"
  • (Niles) "Shall I look outside for a pointy hat and Chanel suit?"
  • (Fran) "And remember always follow your heart."
  • (Maggie) "Well, my heart says I should go back to Sean."
  • (Fran) "That's not your heart talking."
  • (Brighton Sheffield) "Yeah, it just so happens that your voice carries."
  • (Fran) "To your bedroom?"
  • (Brighton Sheffield) "To Michigan."
  • (C.C.) "What is this un-natural obsession Maxwell has with his children? I can count the number of days I spent with my father on one hand."
  • (Niles) "Seven?"
  • (Niles) "Miss Fine and Miss Babcock walking arm in arm. Isn't that one of the biblical signs of the apocalypse?"
  • (Fran) "By the way, Niles, what is your family name?"
  • (Niles) "It's just Niles -- Like Cher."
  • (Max) "Niles, I don't know what the woman wants anymore. What am I supposed to do?"
  • (Niles) "May I speak freely, sir?"
  • (Max) "Yes, of course old boy."
  • (Niles) "I am so bloody sick of hearing this year after year. 'Niles, what am I to do?', 'I told her I loved her.' 'I took it back.', 'I'm afraid of commitment', 'I'm worried about the children'"
  • (Niles) "For God's sake, MAKE A MOVE. DO SOMETHING. YOU PASSED ON 'CATS', DO YOU WANT TO REGRET THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE TOO?"
  • (C.C.) "What's going on in there?"
  • (Niles) "Oh, I have had it. I am trying to convince him to give up on Miss Fine and move on with his life."
  • (C.C.) "I AGREE WITH NILES. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? JUST DO IT, DO IT, DO IT."
  • (Max) "Urgh, Niles, it's far too early in the morning for something this repulsive."
  • (Niles) "Mr. Sheffield wants you to go home and come back in an hour."
  • (Maggie) "Are there a lot of cute guys at your new apartment?"
  • (Fran) "Oh, yeah, they're walking right out of the closets."
  • (Max) "Where was the last place HE passed for Cher, SEA WORLD?"
  • (Maggie) "Well, Daddy can't you see that Michael is my Cats? Please just don't let me pass on this one."
  • (Grandma Eloise) "Are you single by choice?"
  • (Niles) "Yes, but not hers."
  • (Grace 'Gracie' Sheffield) "Look Fran, giant Barbie Dolls."
  • (Fran) "No Honey, these toys are for boys."
  • (Fran) "What are you listening to him for? He passed on Cats."
  • (Max) "It was about a bunch of p***** cats singing in a garbage can. What would you do?"
  • (Fran) "Two words, Mr. Sheffield: still running."
  • (C.C.) "I find I can catch more flies with honey."
  • (Niles) "I always thought your tongue darted out."
  • (Brighton Sheffield) "Niles, this steak is tough."
  • (Niles) "So is life. Then you die."
  • (C.C.) "What's Maxwell doing in London?"
  • (Niles) "One would hope, Miss Fine."
  • (Mr. Sheffield) "He can't make you happy."
  • (Fran) "I don't wanna be happy. I wanna be married."
  • (C.C.) "Seriously, Niles, where do you keep all that cash?"
  • (Niles) "Someplace you'll never get near."
  • (C.C.) "Oh, your mattress."
  • (Niles) "No."
  • (Niles) "His."
  • (Niles) "I once walked in on the Queen-mother."
  • (Fran) "In the shower?"
  • (Niles) "On the throne."
  • (Max) "Well, I've made up my mind. I can't risk Margaret spending her entire vacation kissing that boy -- I'm sending her abroad."
  • (Fran) "A broad? Well, if you wanna swing her that way --"
  • (Fran) "Question. When they shot Bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment -- at all?"
  • (C.C.) "I'm sure she's mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere."
  • (Max) "Have you seen Gracie's Halloween costume? She looks a bit more like a trick than a treat."
  • (Fran) "Ah-hah, forget it. You got a better chance of seeing Tonya Harding on a box of Wheaties."
  • (C.C.) "I feel like I have died and gone to heaven."
  • (Niles) "I have that dream, too, but you go in the other direction."
  • (Sylvia Fine) "Trust me, there is only one man who can satisfy a woman in two minutes; Colonel Sanders."
  • (Fran) "I wonder if I'll ever really be a mother?"
  • (Max) "Well, there's always the subway."
  • (Fran) "No way. Forget it. The next time I bring home a baby it's gonna be after nine months of swollen ankles and an epidural that could bring down Secretariat."
  • (C.C.) "Maxwell, I want a man."
  • (Niles) "The last one deflated when she nibbled at his ear."
  • (Fran) "You know, I've got half a mind --"
  • (Max) "No argument there."
  • (Niles) "I couldn't resist the infomercial, sir. "Unwanted dirt just slides right off.""
  • (Niles) "And voila."
  • (C.C.) "I'll never get to the airport on time."
  • (Niles) "That's true, sir, she needs at least two people on her broom to use the Express Lane."
  • (Fran) "Niles, do I sound like I have a cold?"
  • (Niles) "Constantly."
  • (Sylvia Fine) "Are you looking for something?"
  • (Fran) "Yes."
  • (Sylvia Fine) "If she's three foot two and not a Jew, she's in there."
  • (Fran) "What's this? Oh, it's my shrink's bill -- boy am I unhappy."
  • (Max) "Niles, we're having company."
  • (Niles) "Thirty years and he still thinks company excites me."
  • (Fran) "So, Niles -- did you let "it" out?"
  • (Niles) "Yes, and the villagers were not happy."
  • (C.C.) "Good God. It's multiplying."
  • (Fran) "You're pretty cocky for a tall, handsome, rich charming guy."
  • (Max) "It's not like rabbits are endangered species. All they do is mate."
  • (Fran) "Well, aint that nice. I killed an animal with a better social life than me."
  • (Sylvia Fine) "Sorry, my girl doesn't do windows. I thought I'd show her it's not such a sin."
  • (Niles) "Follow me into the kitchen -- I'll clean behind the refrigerator."
  • (Niles) "You put old bags in it. I'll give it to Mrs. Babcock, she's always wanted an office of her own."
  • (Max) "Oh Niles, what is it this time? Your job, your weight, no future?"
  • (Niles) "Well, Sir, I was just wondering why I have no social life but you cleared that right up for me."
  • (Max) "Niles, why don't you close the window before your Christmas bonus flies out the window?"

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