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The Mary Tyler Moore Show Quotes

The Mary Tyler Moore Show is a TV program that debuted in 1970 on CBS. The Mary Tyler Moore Show stopped airing in 1977.

The Mary Tyler Moore Show lasted 7 seasons and 168 episodes. It features David Davis as producer, Sonny Curtis as theme composer, and Patrick Williams (composer) as composer. The Mary Tyler Moore Show is executive produced by James L. Brooks. The Mary Tyler Moore Show is created by James L. Brooks.

The Mary Tyler Moore Show is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show is 25-26 minutes long. The Mary Tyler Moore Show is produced by MTM Enterprises and distributed by Viacom Enterprises. Spinoffs for this show include Lou Grant (TV series) (1977-82).

The Mary Tyler Moore Show Quotes

  • (Murray Slaughter) "Ted, do you have that fifty cents I loaned you last week?"
  • (Ted Baxter) "Sure, Murray."
  • (Ted Baxter) "Darn, do you have change for a $500?"
  • (Murray Slaughter) "Sure, Ted"
  • (Ted Baxter) "Quarters?"
  • (Murray Slaughter) "Nickels."
  • (Lou Grant) "Mary, I don't want you to take this wrong, but you're a jerk."
  • (Mary Richards) "How could I possibly take that wrong?"
  • (Lou Grant) "Put it on an idiot card for Ted."
  • (Ted Baxter) "Cue cards, Lou. I don't know why everyone insists on calling cue cards idiot cards."
  • (Murray Slaughter) "We just have trouble thinking of you as a cue."
  • (Mary Richards) "Well, what's the cut-off point Mr. Grant? I mean, is -- is there some number? You know, I'd really like to know. How many men is a woman allowed to have before she becomes that sort of woman?"
  • (Lou Grant) "Six."
  • (Murray Slaughter) "Can you imagine the insurance claim? Cause of death: a busted goober."
  • (Lou Grant) "You want a raise, is that it?"
  • (Ted Baxter) "Lou, I've written a figure on this pad."
  • (Lou Grant) "Ted, I've written two words on this pad."
  • (Ted Baxter) "Lou, I thing there's some room for negotiation between that figure and those words."
  • (Ted Baxter) "I've just been handed a bulletin: "You have something on your front tooth.""
  • (Ted Baxter) "I did a report on unemployment. It's at an all-time high. Or was it low?"
  • (Murray Slaughter) "HIGH, Ted."
  • (Ted Baxter) "Hi, Murr."
  • (Mary Richards) "If it weren't for the rotten things that happen in this world we couldn't put on the news show. We should be grateful to all the people who do those rotten things. We should stop them in the streets and say, "Thank you Mr. Mugger, thank you Mr. Thief, thank you Mr. Maniac.""
  • (Lou Grant) "Rule number one: never hire friends. I hired a friend once and you know what happened? Worked out great. But that's me. You couldn't handle it."
  • (Lou Grant) "You know, Mary, you've got spunk."
  • (Mary Richards) "Why, thank you, Mr. Grant."
  • (Lou Grant) "I hate spunk."
  • (Sue Ann Nivens) "Mary, you've been in my bedroom before, haven't you?"
  • (Mary Richards) "Oh, no. I would've remembered this."
  • (Ted Baxter) "Say, Murray, I just read this item I think we should use. It's about a man who went on TV to make a plea to send Turkeys to convicts."
  • (Murray Slaughter) "For pets or for dinner?"
  • (Ted Baxter) "I don't know. I think it was in "Ar-Kansas.""
  • (Murray Slaughter) "Yeah, I think they're doing the same thing in Arkansas too."
  • (Ted Baxter) "How do you like that. It's spreading from state to state."
  • (Ted Baxter) "It's actually tomorrow in Tokyo. Do you realize that there are people alive here in Minneapolis who are already dead in Tokyo?"
  • (Rhoda Morgenstern) "I'll trade you my B for your "Where are we going tonight?""
  • (Ted Baxter) "Folks, I've just received a special news bulletin: "You have something on your front tooth.""
  • (Ted Baxter) "I dreamt I was an old man, all wrinkled and shriveled, sitting alone on this park bench, and then this-this guy walked up to me, and he looked kind of familiar, and he just stood there, looking at me. And I said, "Who are you?" And he said, "I'm the son you never had." And then-then this woman appeared, and I said, "Who are you?", and she said, "I'm the daughter you never had." And then-then about twenty kids appeared, and I said, "Who are you?" And they said, "we're the children of the children you never had." Then a bunch of dogs and cats appeared, and I said, "Who are you?" And they said, "We're the pets of the children of the children you never had." And then a bunch of guys in white coats came up, and I said, "Who are you?" And they said, "We're the Veterinarians of the pets of the children of the children you never had." And then, and then --"
  • (Lou Grant) "Ted, just-just skip to the finish of the dream. Tell us how it ended."
  • (Ted Baxter) "Oh like all my dreams end, with Marlo Thomas and Winston Churchill applauding me."
  • (Mary Richards) "Well it's hard for me to say no."
  • (Ted Baxter) "Say, Mary --"
  • (Mary Richards) "NO."
  • (Rhoda Morgenstern) "I don't know why I should even bother to eat this. I should just apply it directly to my hips."
  • (Mary Richards) "Ted, do you trust me?"
  • (Ted Baxter) "Well, sure I do."
  • (Mary Richards) "Okay, take off your left shoe."
  • (Mary Richards) "Now take off your left sock."
  • (Ted Baxter) "Mary --"
  • (Mary Richards) "Do you trust me, Ted?"
  • (Ted Baxter) "Sure."
  • (Mary Richards) "Take off your left sock."
  • (Mary Richards) "Now, the next time I'm talking to someone and you think of a comment you just have to add to the conversation, I want you to take that sock, and stuff it down your throat."
  • (Ted Baxter) "What about the shoe?"
  • (Mary Richards) "Mr. Grant? Could I say what I wanted to say now? Please?"
  • (Lou Grant) "Okay, Mary."
  • (Mary Richards) "Well I just wanted to let you know that sometimes I get concerned about being a career woman. I get to thinking that my job is too important to me. And I tell myself that the people I work with are just the people I work with. But last night I thought what is family anyway? It's the people who make you feel less alone and really loved."
  • (Mary Richards) "And that's what you've done for me. Thank you for beginning MY family."
  • (Rhoda Morgenstern) "It's a magnifying mirror. Mary, why didn't you warn me? I thought it was a relief map of the moon. When they sell those magnifying mirrors they should include a printed suicide note."
  • (Ted Baxter) "I always like to think that our little newsroom was one big happy family. In my innocence, little did I suspect we'd be harboring a backstabber in our very bosom. I'm going to reveal the name of that person. The backstabber is --"
  • (Murray Slaughter) "Isn't this were the lights go off and Ted is found dead on the floor?"
  • (Sue Ann Nivens) "I've gotten involved in the most wonderful business. I'd like to give you all my new business card"
  • (Murray Slaughter) ""Sue Ann Nivens; Insurance Sales". Great, Sue Ann; let me give you my card."
  • (Sue Ann Nivens) ""Murray Slaughter; Not Interested"."
  • (Chuckles the Clown) "A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants."
  • (Sue Ann Nivens) "I was lying in bed last night and I couldn't sleep, and I came up with an idea. So I went right home and wrote it down."

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