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The Hangover Quotes

The Hangover is a TV program that first aired in 1970 . The Hangover ended its run in 1970.

It features Christophe Beck in charge of musical score, and Lawrence Sher as head of cinematography.

The Hangover is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Hangover is 100 minutes long. The Hangover is distributed by Warner Bros..

The cast includes: Ed Helms as Stu Price, Zach Galifianakis as Alan Garner, Justin Bartha as Doug Billings, Bradley Cooper as Phil Wenneck, Sasha Barrese as Tracy Garner, and Jeffrey Tambor as Sid Garner.

The Hangover Quotes

Justin Bartha as Doug Billings

  • (Justin Bartha) "At least our trip wasn't a total loss."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Why do you say that?"
  • (Justin Bartha) "While I was stuck on the roof I found about 80,000 dollars worth of Bellagio chips in my pocket. Looks like we're heading home with some money, boys."
  • (Justin Bartha) "All good with Melissa?"
  • (Ed Helms) "Oh, yeah. Told her we're two hours outside of wine country, and she bought it."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Don't you think it's strange that you've been in a relationship for three years and you still have to lie about going to Vegas?"
  • (Ed Helms) "Yeah, I do. But trust me, it's not worth the fight."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Oh, so you can't go to Vegas but she can fuck a bellhop on a Carnival Cruise Line?"
  • (Ed Helms) "Okay, first of all, he was a bartender. And she was wasted. And, if you must know, he didn't even come inside her."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "And you believe that?"
  • (Ed Helms) "Uh, yeah, I do believe that, because she's grossed out by semen."
  • (Justin Bartha) "Hey, you've reached Doug. Sorry I missed your call. Please leave a name and number and I'll get back to you."
  • (Justin Bartha) "Either way, you gotta be super smart to count cards, buddy, okay?"
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Oh, really?"
  • (Justin Bartha) "It's not easy."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Okay, well, maybe we should tell that to Rain Man, because he practically bankrupt a casino, and he was a retard."
  • (Ed Helms) "What?"
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "He was a retard."
  • (Justin Bartha) "RE tard."
  • (Justin Bartha) "Tracy did mention we shouldn't let him gamble. Or drink too much."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Jesus, he's like a gremlin. Comes with instructions and shit."
  • (Justin Bartha) "We look at these pictures together, OK? One time. And then we delete the evidence."
  • (Ed Helms) "I say we delete it right now."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Are you nuts? I want to find out how I went to the hospital. Is that in there?"
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Yeah it's in there."
  • (Justin Bartha) "Guys, one time. Deal?"
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Deal."
  • (Ed Helms) "Deal."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "OK."
  • (Ed Helms) "Oh dear Lord."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "That's classic."

Bradley Cooper as Phil Wenneck

  • (Bradley Cooper) "Would you shut up and drive, before any of these nerds asks me another question."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Hey, this is Phil. Leave me a message, or don't, but do me a favor: don't text me, it's gay."
  • (Officer Franklin) "Ok, kids, you're in for a real treat today. These gentlemen have kindly volunteered to demonstrate how a stun gun is used to subdue a suspect -- Now, there's two ways to use a stun gun: up close and personal"
  • (Officer Franklin) "-- or you can shoot it from a distance. Now, do I have any volunteers? You want to come up here and do some shooting, huh? Alright. How about you, young lady? Come on up here."
  • (Officer Franklin) "Alright. Let's go, handsome. Come on."
  • (Officer Franklin) "Not you, fat Jesus. Slide it on back."
  • (Officer Franklin) "You, pretty boy."
  • (Officer Franklin) "Alright. Now, it's real simple. All you got to do is point, aim and shoot. Alright?"
  • (Bradley Cooper) "You don't really want to do this."
  • (Officer Franklin) "You can do this. Just focus."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Don't listen to this maniac. Let's think this thing through."
  • (Officer Franklin) "Finish him."
  • (Officer Franklin) "Right in the nuts. That was beautiful. Well done. Giver her a hand, everybody. Good job. Well done. Good job. That was great."
  • (Officer Franklin) "Look, hey, we got one more charge left. Anybody want to do some shooting up here? How about you, big man? Come on up here. Okay, same instructions: just point, aim and shoot. There y'go. That's the stuff. I like the intensity, eye of the tiger. You're holding 50,000 volts, little man. Don't be afraid to ride the lightning."
  • (Officer Franklin) "In the face. In the face."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Fuck, I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "It's the weekend, Budnick. I don't know you. You do not exist."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Fuck this tiger."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "You're not really wearing that are you?"
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Wearing what?"
  • (Bradley Cooper) "The man purse. You actually gonna wear that or are you guys just fuckin' with me?"
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "It's where I keep all my things. Get a lot of compliments on this. Plus it's not a purse, it's called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "So does Joy Behar."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Ma'am, in the leopard dress, you have an amazing rack."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "I should have been a fucking cop."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Whose fucking baby is that?"
  • (Ed Helms) "Alan, are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the suite?"
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Yeah, I checked all the rooms -- no one's there. Check its collar or something."
  • (Mr. Chow) "I want my purse back, assholes."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "What, your purse?"
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "That's not a purse. That's a satchel."
  • (Mr. Chow) "It's a purse. Okay? And you steal from wrong guy."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "GOD DAMN IT."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Gosh darn it."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "SHIT."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Shoot."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Stu, we don't have time for this. Look, let's go hook up with Doug, and we'll deal with the baby later."
  • (Ed Helms) "Phil, we're not gonna leave a baby in the room, there's a fucking tiger in the bathroom."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "It's not our baby."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Yeah, I gotta side with Stu on this one."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "The Best Little Chapel -- do you know where that is?"
  • (Dr. Valsh) "I do, it's at the corner of get a map and fuck off. I'm a doctor, not a tour guide."

Zach Galifianakis as Alan Garner

  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Drivin' drunk. Classic."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "I want you to know, Doug, I'm a steel trap. Whatever happens tonight, I will never, ever, ever speak a word of it."
  • (Justin Bartha) "Ok, I got it. Thank you. I don't think that --"
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Seriously, I don't care what happens. I don't care if we kill someone."
  • (Justin Bartha) "What?"
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "You heard me. It's Sin City. I won't tell a soul."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "He seemed like a real straight shooter."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "It was a real pleasure meeting you."
  • (Melissa) "Fuck off."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "I'm thinking about getting my bartender's license."
  • (Melissa) "Suck my dick."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "No, thank you."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "And we're the three best friends that anyone could have."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Hey what's that on your arm?"
  • (Ed Helms) "Oh my God; Phil, you were in the hospital last night."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Yeah, I guess I was."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Are you okay?"
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Can I ask you another question?"
  • (Lisa) "Sure."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "You probably get this a lot. This isn't the real Caesar's Palace is it?"
  • (Lisa) "What do you mean?"
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Did, umm -- did Caesar live here?"
  • (Lisa) "No."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "I didn't think so."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Hey, Phil, look."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "He's jackin' his little weenis."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Pull yourself together, bro."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Not at the table, Carlos."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "There's a jungle cat in the bathroom."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Holy fuck, he's not kidding. There's a tiger in there."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "You hear that? The baby's name is Tyler."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Yeah, I thought he looked more like a Carlos too, bud."
  • (Old Timer at Gas Station) "Boy, you've got a sweet ride there."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Don't touch it. Don't even look at it. Go on, get out. You heard me. Don't look at me, either."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Yeah. You better walk on --"
  • (Bradley Cooper) "He's actually kind of funny."
  • (Justin Bartha) "Yeah, he means well."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "I'll hit an old man in public."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Do you know if the hotel is pager friendly?"
  • (Lisa) "What do you mean?"
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "I'm not getting a sig' on my beeper."
  • (Lisa) "I'm not sure."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Is there a payphone bank? Buncha payphones? Business."
  • (Lisa) "Umm, there's a phone in your room --"
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "That'll work."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "How's my hair?"
  • (Ed Helms) "That's good."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "It's cool like Phil's?"
  • (Ed Helms) "It's classic Phil."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Hey guys, when's the next Haley's comet?"
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Who cares, man."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Do you know Stu?"
  • (Ed Helms) "I don't think it's for like another sixty years or something."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "But it's not tonight right?"
  • (Ed Helms) "No I don't think so."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "But you don't know for sure? I have this cousin Marcus who saw one he said it blew his mind I want to make sure I never ever miss out on a Haley's comet."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "It says here we should work in teams. Who wants to be my spotter?"
  • (Justin Bartha) "I don't think you should be doing too much gambling tonight, Alan."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? It's not gambling when you know you're gonna win. Counting cards is a foolproof system."
  • (Ed Helms) "It's also illegal."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "It's not illegal. It's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "I'm pretty sure that's illegal too."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Yeah, maybe after 9/11, where everybody got so sensitive. Thanks a lot, bin Laden."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Did you have to park so close?"
  • (Justin Bartha) "Yeah, what's wrong?"
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "I shouldn't be here."
  • (Justin Bartha) "Why is that, Alan?"
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "I'm not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a school -- or a Chuck E. Cheese."
  • (Mr. Chow) "You gonna fuck on me?"
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Nobody's gonna fuck on you. I'm on your side. I hate Godzilla. I hate him too. I hate him. He destroys cities. Please. This isn't your fault. I'll get you some pants."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Hey, you guys ready to let the dogs out?"
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Guys. Guys. What about the tiger? What if he got out?"
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Oh, fuck. I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger. How the fuck did he get in there?"
  • (Ed Helms) "I don't know, because I don't remember."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Shh. Stu. Stu, keep it down."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "One of the side effects of roofies is memory loss."
  • (Ed Helms) "You are literally too stupid to insult."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Whoa, watch it, pervert."
  • (Justin Bartha) "It's ok, Alan. He's just doing your inseam."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "He's getting very close to my shaft."

Ed Helms as Stu Price

  • (Ed Helms) "We don't want to call attention to ourselves."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Attention. Attention."
  • (Ed Helms) "Ew. Alan, did you just eat sofa pizza?"
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Yes."
  • (Ed Helms) "By the way, we're all gonna die."
  • (Ed Helms) "So, uh, are you sure you're qualified to be taking care of that baby?"
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "What are you talking about? I've found a baby before."
  • (Ed Helms) "You found a baby before? Where?"
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Coffee Bean."
  • (Ed Helms) "Why are you peppering the steak? You don't know if tigers like pepper."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon."
  • (Ed Helms) "Here's something I would like to remind you two of: our best friend Doug is probably face down in a ditch right now with a meth head butt-fucking his corpse."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "That's highly unlikely."
  • (Ed Helms) "They are mature, you just have to get to know them better --"
  • (Ed Helms) "Don't let the beard fool you. He's a child."
  • (Ed Helms) "This does not seem fair."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "It's rock-paper-scissors. There's nothin' more fair."
  • (Ed Helms) "Fuck those guys. You hear me? That was bullshit. I'm tellin' everybody we stole a cop car. You can't just do that. You can't just tease people because you think it's funny. That's police brutality."
  • (Ed Helms) "I'm getting a soda. You guys want anything?"
  • (Bradley Cooper) "No."
  • (Ed Helms) "Phil, we're not even going to be in the room. It's one night, we can share beds. It's no big deal."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Uh, if we're sharing beds, I'm bunking with Phil. You cool with that?"
  • (Bradley Cooper) "No, I'm not cool with that."
  • (Ed Helms) "I lost a tooth. I married a whore."
  • (Ed Helms) "You found the car?"
  • (Officer Franklin) "Yeah. It was parked in the middle of Las Vegas Blvd. with a note that said "Couldn't find a meter, so here's $4.""
  • (Black Doug) "It's funny, 'cause just the other day, me and my boy, we was wonderin' why they even call 'em roofies. Y'know what I'm talkin' 'bout?"
  • (Ed Helms) "No. Don't know what you're talkin' 'bout."
  • (Black Doug) "Why not floories, right? 'Cause when you take 'em, you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof. What about groundies? That's a good new name fo' 'em."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Or how 'bout rapies?"
  • (Ed Helms) "I'll tell you another thing; 6 to 1 odds our car is beat to shit."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "Come on Stu."
  • (Ed Helms) "No seriously how much you want to bet it's fucked up beyond all recognition?"
  • (Ed Helms) "You are a fucking moron."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "Your language is offensive."
  • (Ed Helms) "Fuck you."
  • (Mike Tyson) "By the way man, where you get that cop car from?"
  • (Ed Helms) "We uh, stole it from these dumbass cops."
  • (Mike Tyson) "Nice."
  • (Mike Tyson) "Nice. High five there --. That's nice."
  • (Ed Helms) "We're going to be okay. Everything's going to be ok, alright?"
  • (Ed Helms) "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?"
  • (Ed Helms) "That is not Doug."
  • (Mr. Chow) "What're you talking about, Willis? That him."
  • (Ed Helms) "No, I'm sorry, Mr. Chow, that's not our friend, he -- it's --"
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "The Doug we're looking for is a white."
  • (Ed Helms) "Whoah, we're not leaving a baby in the car."
  • (Bradley Cooper) "He'll be fine. I cracked a window."
  • (Ed Helms) "That's my grandma's ring. She made it all the way through the holocaust with that thing. It's legit."
  • (Ed Helms) "We can even write you a check right now."
  • (Mr. Chow) "No chance. Cash only."
  • (Ed Helms) "There's a person in there."
  • (Ed Helms) "I look like a nerdy hillbilly."
  • (Melissa) "Why would you go to Las Vegas?"
  • (Ed Helms) "'Cause my best friend was getting married, and that's what guys do."
  • (Melissa) "That's not what you do."
  • (Ed Helms) "Really? Well, then why did I do it? Huh? 'Cause I did it. Riddle me that. Why'd I do it? You know, sometimes I think all you want me to do is what you want me to do. Well, I'm sick of doing what you want me to do all the time. I think, in a healthy relationship, sometimes a guy should be able to do what he wants to do."
  • (Melissa) "That is not how this works."
  • (Ed Helms) "Oh, good. Because whatever this is ain't workin' for me."
  • (Melissa) "Oh, really? Since when?"
  • (Ed Helms) "Since you fucked that waiter on your cruise last June. BOOM."
  • (Zach Galifianakis) "You told me it was a bartender."
  • (Ed Helms) "Oh. You're right. I stand corrected. It was a bartender. You fucked a bartender."
  • (Melissa) "You're an idiot."
  • (Ed Helms) "You're a; You --"
  • (Ed Helms) "You're -- such a bad person. Like, all the way through to your core."

Jeffrey Tambor as Sid Garner

  • (Jeffrey Tambor) "Don't let Alan drive, because there's something wrong with him."
  • (Justin Bartha) "Understood."
  • (Jeffrey Tambor) "Oh, and Phil either. I don't like him."

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