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The Court Jester Quotes

The Court Jester is a TV show that was first aired in 1970 . The Court Jester ended in 1970.

It features Melvin Frank as producer, Vic Schoen in charge of musical score, and Ray June as head of cinematography.

The Court Jester is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Court Jester is 101 minutes long. The Court Jester is distributed by Paramount Pictures.

The cast includes: Danny Kaye as Hawkins, Mildred Natwick as Griselda, Cecil Parker as King Roderick, Danny Kaye as Hubert Hawkins, Basil Rathbone as Ravenhurst, Glynis Johns as Jean, Danny Kaye as King, and Noel Drayton as Fergus.

The Court Jester Quotes

Mildred Natwick as Griselda

  • (Mildred Natwick) "Listen. I have put a pellet of poison in one of the vessels."
  • (Danny Kaye) "Which one?"
  • (Mildred Natwick) "The one with the figure of a pestle."
  • (Danny Kaye) "The vessel with the pestle?"
  • (Mildred Natwick) "Yes. But you don't want the vessel with the pestle, you want the chalice from the palace."
  • (Danny Kaye) "I don't want the vessel with the pestle, I want the chalice from -- the what?"
  • (Glynis Johns) "The chalice from the palace."
  • (Danny Kaye) "Hmmm?"
  • (Mildred Natwick) "It's a little crystal chalice with a figure of a palace."
  • (Danny Kaye) "The chalice from the palace has the pellet with the poison?"
  • (Mildred Natwick) "No, the pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle."
  • (Danny Kaye) "Oh, oh, the pestle with the vessel."
  • (Glynis Johns) "The vessel with the pestle."
  • (Danny Kaye) "What about the palace from the chalice?"
  • (Mildred Natwick) "Not the palace from the chalice. The chalice from the palace."
  • (Danny Kaye) "Where's the pellet with the poison?"
  • (Mildred Natwick) "In the vessel with the pestle."
  • (Mildred Natwick) "The chalice from the palace has the brew that is true."
  • (Glynis Johns) "Don't you see? The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle."
  • (Mildred Natwick) "The chalice from the palace has the brew that is true."
  • (Glynis Johns) "It's so easy, I can say it."
  • (Danny Kaye) "Well then you fight him."
  • (Mildred Natwick) "Listen carefully. The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle, the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true."
  • (Danny Kaye) "The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle, the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true."
  • (Glynis Johns) "Good man."

Danny Kaye as Hawkins

  • (Danny Kaye) "He's right. Rules of chivalry, you know."
  • (King Roderick I) "Rules of chivalry be hanged. And so will you."
  • (Danny Kaye) "She'll jump."
  • (Danny Kaye) "You spent some time in the Italian court?"
  • (Danny Kaye) "Why, yes. What better place to court Italians?"
  • (King Roderick I) "What are you loo-loo-looing about?"
  • (Danny Kaye) "Oh, I'm not loo-loo-looing, Sire, I'm willow-willow-wailing."
  • (King Roderick I) "All right, all right. Willow away, willow away."
  • (Danny Kaye) "Life could not better be / Better be, better be / It could not possibly / No sirrah, sir-rah, sirree. / Songs could not gayer be / Sound your do-re-o-mi, re-mi-fa-so-la-see, fa-la-la-la follow me. / Why be gloomy? / Cut thy nose off to spite thy face? / Listen to me / A nose is hard to replace. / Skies could not bluer be / Hearts in love truer be / I say for you or me / Life couldn't possibly, not even probably / Life couldn't possibly better be. Life could not better be / On a medieval spree / Knights full of chivalry / Villains full of villainy. / You see, as you suspect / Maidens fair in silks bedecked / Each pride and true effect / For the umpteenth time we resurrect. / We did research / Authenticity was a must. / Zooks. Did we search. / And what did we find? Ah-choo. A lot of dust. / After the dust had cleared / Half the cast had a beard / And I'm the one, as you can see / For whom the bell tolls merrily. / We asked Shakespeare / And Francis Bacon, "Would they declare / which one wrote this?" / And they both said, "Get outta there." / Which brings us to the plot / Plot we've got quite a lot / As it unfolds, you'll see / What starts like a scary tale, ends like a fairy tale / And life couldn't possibly better be."
  • (Danny Kaye) "Loo, loo, loo, I'll take you dreaming through the rainy night / To a place behind the raindrops where the stars are bright / You may not find gold or silver, but a richer prize / Waits for you behind the raindrops if you close your eyes / Tonight, tonight, when all the world's asleep / We will tiptoe home with a wondrous star, a star you can always keep / And years from now when you go dreaming, when you're very old / Though your crown be rich with rubies, diamonds set in gold / None will shine as bright as the star we'll find, tonight --"
  • (Danny Kaye) "After months of pleading for just this kind of action, what makes you think that anybody, anybody could make me reveal the identity of my confederate?"
  • (Glynis Johns) "Because they'd put you on the rack, crack your every bone, scald you with hot oil, and remove the nails off your fingers with flaming hot pincers."
  • (Danny Kaye) "I'd -- like to withdraw the question."
  • (Princess Gwendolyn) "If my father hears of this our necks will snap like twigs."
  • (Danny Kaye) "Uh, like what?"
  • (Princess Gwendolyn) "Twigs."
  • (Danny Kaye) "Twigs? Speak not of twigs when you look at an oak. Until tonight, my little sapling."
  • (Danny Kaye) "When I was a lad, I was gloomy and sad / As I was from the day I was born / When other babes giggled, and gurgled and wiggled / I proudly was loudly forlorn. / My friends and my family, looked at me clammily / Thought there was something amiss / When others found various antics hilarious / All I could manage was this"
  • (Danny Kaye) "or this"
  • (Danny Kaye) "or this"
  • (Danny Kaye) "or this"
  • (Danny Kaye) "My father he shouted, "he needs to be clouted / His teeth on a wreath I'll hand him." / My mother she cried, as she rushed to my side / "You're a brute and you don't understand him." / So they sent for a witch with a terrible twitch / To ask how my future impressed her / She took one look at me / And cried, "He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, HE. / What else could he be but a jester?" / A jester? A jester? A funny idea, a jester / No butcher, no baker, no candlestick maker / And me with the look of a fine undertaker / Impressed her as a jester? / But where was I to learn any comical turn? / It was not in a book on a shelf / No teacher to take me, to mold me and make me / A merry man, fool or an elf / But I'm proud to recall that in no time at all / with no other recourses but my own resources / with firm application and determination/ I made a fool of myself."
  • (Danny Kaye) "I was battered and bruised, but the king was amused / and before the siesta, he made me his jester / and I found out soon, that to be a buffoon / was a serious thing as a rule. / For a jester's chief employment, is to kill himself for your enjoyment / and a jester unemployed is nobody's fool."
  • (Danny Kaye) "Have you seen a group in the forest?"
  • (Danny Kaye) "She says, "No.""
  • (Captain of the Guard) "What took her so long?"
  • (Danny Kaye) "Stutters."
  • (Captain of the Guard) "He must scale a wall in full armor."
  • (Captain of the Guard) "Candidate passes."
  • (Captain of the Guard) "He must bring down a hawk in full flight."
  • (Captain of the Guard) "Candidate passes."
  • (Danny Kaye) "But I didn't even shoo --"
  • (Captain of the Guard) "Candidate passes."
  • (Captain of the Guard) "He must capture a wild boar with his bare hands."
  • (Captain of the Guard) "He passes."
  • (Danny Kaye) "I'd like to get in, get on with it, get it over with, and get out. Get it?"
  • (Basil Rathbone) "Got it."
  • (Danny Kaye) "Good."
  • (Danny Kaye) "Caution is for popinjays and cockatoos."
  • (Danny Kaye) "Begging your pardon."
  • (Danny Kaye) "I started to travel to try to unravel / my mind and to find a new chance / When I got to Spain it was suddenly plain / that the field that appealed was the dance. / The Spanish were clannish, but I wouldn't vanish / and learned every step they had planned. / The first step of all wasn't hard to recall / Cause the first step of all is to stand. And stand. And stand. And stand --"
  • (Danny Kaye) "I've got it. I've got it. The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle; the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true. Right?"
  • (Mildred Natwick) "Right. But there's been a change: they broke the chalice from the palace."
  • (Danny Kaye) "They broke the chalice from the palace?"
  • (Mildred Natwick) "And replaced it with a flagon."
  • (Danny Kaye) "A flagon?"
  • (Mildred Natwick) "With the figure of a dragon."
  • (Danny Kaye) "Flagon with a dragon."
  • (Mildred Natwick) "Right."
  • (Danny Kaye) "But did you put the pellet with the poison in the vessel with the pestle?"
  • (Mildred Natwick) "No. The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon. The vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true."
  • (Danny Kaye) "The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon; the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true."
  • (Mildred Natwick) "Just remember that."
  • (Danny Kaye) "I'll take one of those, one of those, ooh, a couple of those."
  • (Danny Kaye) "I'd better take them all."

Basil Rathbone as Ravenhurst

  • (Basil Rathbone) "I bid you welcome. I am Ravenhurst."
  • (Danny Kaye) "Ravenhurst."
  • (Danny Kaye) "R-R-Ravenhurst? Uh, the 'real' Ravenhurst?"
  • (Basil Rathbone) "What?"
  • (Danny Kaye) "Uh, I mean, does the king know? D-does the king know about your being the real Ravenhurst?"
  • (Basil Rathbone) "Keep your jests for the king."

Cecil Parker as King Roderick

  • (Cecil Parker) "Take that horse and put it back under that idiot."
  • (Cecil Parker) "Rules of Chivalry be hanged. Ravenhurst, take that nincompoop, and knight that nincompoop by noon tomorrow."
  • (Princess Gwendolyn) "I've seen this monster and it's not for nothing he's called the grim, grisly, and gruesome Griswold."
  • (Cecil Parker) "Grim, grisly, or gruesome, you marry Griswold."
  • (Cecil Parker) "Take the witch out and burn her."
  • (Princess Gwendolyn) "Harm one hair on her head and I throw myself from the highest turret."
  • (Cecil Parker) "Gwendolyn, you go too far."
  • (Cecil Parker) "Take that horse and put it back under that idiot."
  • (Princess Gwendolyn) "Marry Griswold? Never."
  • (Cecil Parker) "What was that?"
  • (Princess Gwendolyn) "He's a brute and a lout."
  • (Cecil Parker) "Brute or not, lout or not, if it pleases me you will marry Griswold."
  • (Princess Gwendolyn) "If it pleases you so much, you marry Griswold."

Glynis Johns as Jean

  • (Glynis Johns) "You are the incomparable Giacomo, king of jesters and jester to the king."
  • (Danny Kaye) "Jester to the king."
  • (Danny Kaye) "Jester to the king."
  • (Danny Kaye) "To the king?"

Noel Drayton as Fergus

  • (Noel Drayton) "I'm Fergus, the Ostler."
  • (Danny Kaye) "Who-whogus the Whatsler?"
  • (Noel Drayton) "Fergus, the Ostler. It is I, not Ravenhurst, who is your friend."
  • (Danny Kaye) "Look, my good man, you pick your friends, and I shall pick mine. At the moment, I have a very important mission with the king. After all, I am the incomparable Giacomo, king of jesters and jester of kings."
  • (Danny Kaye) "I have entertained in all the courts of Europe and speak a ready wit in their every tongue."
  • (Danny Kaye) "Now, who are you?"
  • (Mildred Natwick) "I am Griselda."
  • (Danny Kaye) "Gri-who-lda?"

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