The Army-Navy Game (M*A*S*H) Quotes

The Army-Navy Game (M*A*S*H) is a TV show that debuted in 1970 . The Army-Navy Game ended in 1970.

The Army-Navy Game (M*A*S*H) Quotes

• (Radar) "Sir, I was just crossing the compound when --"
• (Frank Burns) "I have no interest in the compound."
• (Klinger) "He has no compound-interest."

• (Frank Burns) "I wonder if I can say something useful?"
• (Trapper) "I often wonder that too, Frank."

• (Hawkeye) "You're a better nurse than I am, Gunga Din."

• (Cpl. Igor Straminsky) "See these fresh oranges? They don't grow on trees, you know."

• (B.J.) "Why don't you do us a favour, and break it in."

• (Unnamed) "Hear ye, Hear ye, it's 0700 and all is hell. Incoming wounded, folks."

• (Trapper) "They got a lot of guts."
• (Hawkeye) "And they keep serving them."

• (Father Mulcahy) "You'd be surprised what a priest can get away with."

• (Charles) "Where is that Lebanese mongoose?"

• (Klinger) "Sir, I've had a lot of experience in these matters."
• (Charles) "I do not need the wisdom of your experience. I am not selling watches from the trunk of a car."

• (Hawkeye) "If you act drunk long enough, you get a REAL hangover."

• (Colonel Flagg) "I could kill you with one finger."

• (Frank Burns) "It's nice to be nice -- to the nice."

• (Hawkeye) "How much of this can a man take? We must have seen this picture twelve times in the last month. Its a recurring nightmare with popcorn."

• (Henry Blake) "Boy, those two poops are gonna drive me dippy."

• (Unnamed) "Attention, all personnel; this is your wake-up call."

• (Trapper) "How should I know? I dropped out of school to become a doctor."

• (Klinger) "50 more pounds, and I'm homeward-bound."
• (Col. Potter) "You're going to eat you way to a discharge?"
• (Klinger) "I call it "Food for Freedom"."
• (Col. Potter) "I call it "Suicide by Salami"."
• (Klinger) "I'll take my chances."
• (Col. Potter) "Okay, when you can't get through that door, come see me."
• (Klinger) "I'll be wearing a size 30, sir."

• (Charles) "Live. That's an order."

• (Frank Burns) "Courage is something you shouldn't be afraid to have."

• (Frank Burns) "You disgust me."
• (Hawkeye) "You're right, Frank -- I discussed you with everyone I know and we all find you disgusting."

• (Radar) "My own father didn't have me until he was 63, and the first time we played peek-a-boo together he had a stroke."

• (Father Mulcahy) "Colonel, an ambulance has turned over in the compound, you better come on the double."
• (Col. Potter) "Anybody hurt?"
• (Father Mulcahy) "Well, the driver's a bit shaken-up, but he'll be all right."
• (Col. Potter) "No-one else inside?"
• (Father Mulcahy) "No."
• (Col. Potter) "Thank God."
• (Father Mulcahy) "I already did."

• (Unnamed) "Attention, all personnel -- the wounded you've all been waiting for has finally arrived in person -- report to the Big Top immediately; the circus is about to begin."

• (Hawkeye) "Sidney? Hawkeye Pierce. Did I interrupt you in the middle of someone?"

• (Trapper) "I've never met a nurse that didn't register."

• (Frank Burns) "Attention all Allied personnel. There are only about half a dozen stars visible, sky-wise. I am directly under the brightest one."
• (Hawkeye) "Very good, Frank."
• (B.J.) "They'll start looking for us in Bethlehem."

• (Frank Burns) "I'm taking this to a higher authority."
• (Trapper) "Aw, Frank -- you're not going to write your mother again."

• (Frank Burns) "All right, where's my razor?"
• (Hawkeye) "Been shaving your legs again, Frank?"

• (Frank Burns) "This is the last straw."
• (Hawkeye) "Remind me to order more straws."

• (Col. Potter) "Y'know, I had a still, on Guam. One night, it blew up."
• (Col. Potter) "That's how I got my Purple Heart."

• (Frank Burns) "The men hate me, don't they?"
• (Radar) "Just your guts, sir."

• (Hawkeye) "Blow in my ear."
• (Margaret) "What?"
• (Hawkeye) "I'm so cold I think my pilot's gone out."

• (Radar) "Sir, there's someone waiting to see you."
• (Henry Blake) "I was born with someone waiting to see me."

• (B.J.) "What's Frank up to?"
• (Hawkeye) "I think he's vacuuming Korea. Eisenhower's coming; he wants everything just so."

• (Henry Blake) "You're always wrong, Frank. That's what's so right about you."

• (Hawkeye) "Klinger, get back here as fast as you can. We want a few minutes before the party to beat the daylights out of you."

• (Hawkeye) "Margaret, I'm honored, touched -- and aroused."

• (Frank Burns) "Funny thing, war: never have so many suffered so much so so few could be so happy."
• (Margaret) "We're lucky to be two of the few and not the many."
• (Frank Burns) "I know, darling, and I love being both of us."

• (Frank Burns) "Klinger, how dare you wear that hat while in uniform?"
• (Klinger) "It's spring, sir."

• (Henry Blake) "Frank, whatever it is, just write it down and put it on my desk where I can't find it."

• (Frank Burns) "We're making real progress."
• (Hawkeye) "I can tell. You have a Korean accent."

• (Hawkeye) "I'm too frightened to be scared."

• (Charles) "Klinger, you are a gentleman and a lady."

• (Frank Burns) "Spontaneity has its time and its place."

• (Radar) "Whoa, did you know it's yesterday there?"
• (Hawkeye) "Well, it's today here."
• (B.J.) "It's always today here."
• (Hawkeye) "Oh, yeah? What about tomorrow?"
• (B.J.) "Good point."
• (Hawkeye) "Ha, I wasn't born yesterday."

• (Hawkeye) "We like it. It's modeled after the Chicago sewer system."

• (Frank Burns) "Why don't you guys like me?"
• (Hawkeye) "Because you're a lousy doctor and a rotten person."
• (Frank Burns) "Aside from that."
• (B.J.) "Well, there's your pimples."
• (Frank Burns) "My pores won't close."

• (Father Mulcahy) "Here you go kids -- just something to read on the way."
• (Hawkeye) "If you have any questions they have branch offices everywhere."

• (Margaret) "Act like a man, you sniveling twerp."

• (Hawkeye) "Did anyone ever tell you, you have the voice of a songbird slowly drowning in tar?"

• (Frank Burns) "I know I'm a real asset."
• (Hawkeye) "You're only off by two letters."

• (Margaret) "Oh, Frank. You're so above average."

• (Colonel Flagg) "You think you're real smart. But you're not smart; you're dumb. Very dumb. But you've met your match in me."

• (Hawkeye) "Insanity is just a state of mind"

• (Henry Blake) "Do we have enough sherry and ginger-ale for the General?"
• (Radar) "Oh, nobody does, sir."
• (Henry Blake) "Oh, fine then, if nobody does we don't have to, but make sure we do, just in case we don't."

• (Radar) "I thought this stuff was supposed to make you feel better."
• (B.J.) "No. It's supposed to make you feel nothing."

• (Father Mulcahy) "Colonel Blake, are you busy?"
• (Henry Blake) "No -- I'm telling this mian's fortune by reading his bowels."

• (Trapper) "Take a walk, Frank."
• (Hawkeye) "Yeah, take a major walk."

• (Dr. Sidney Freedman) "I haven't washed my hands since I became a psychiatrist."

• (Col. Potter) "The General answers his own phone. Must be a Unitarian."

• (Dr. Sidney Freedman) "You're a tribute to man's endurance. A monument to hope in size 12 pumps. I hope you do get out someday. There would be a battalion of men in hoop skirts right behind you."

• (Hawkeye) "Boy, did his draft board go crazy."

• (Frank Burns) "I don't see why the American taxpayer has to pay for a wedding between these two pagans."
• (Margaret) "They're not pagans, Frank. Everyone's going to be wearing clothes."

• (Frank Burns) "I'm sick of hearing about the wounded. What about all the thousands of wonderful guys who are fighting this war without any of the credit or the glory that always goes to those lucky few who just happen to get shot?"

• (Unnamed) "Attention all personnel. Due to a lack of casualties, today's midnight movie will be shown at 9:00 in the morning -- And midnight has been canceled."

• (Charles) "Hunnicutt, I've known a lot of people in my life. You are not among them."

• (Unnamed) "Attention all personnel. Due to the shortage of oil and wood, tonight's movie will be burned at 1800."

• (Hawkeye) "War isn't Hell. War is war, and Hell is Hell. And of the two, war is a lot worse."
• (Father Mulcahy) "How do you figure, Hawkeye?"
• (Hawkeye) "Easy, Father. Tell me, who goes to Hell?"
• (Father Mulcahy) "Sinners, I believe."
• (Hawkeye) "Exactly. There are no innocent bystanders in Hell. War is chock full of them; little kids, cripples, old ladies. In fact, except for some of the brass, almost everybody involved is an innocent bystander."

• (Frank Burns) "That's not my department, sir; intelligence is something I try to avoid."

• (B.J.) "Big surprise dinner party. Spectacularly unforgetable. Have you ever considered renting your mouth out to the motor pool as a garage?"

• (Henry Blake) "You two have gone over my head so many times I have athlete's scalp."

• (Hawkeye) "Life, Liberty, and Pursuit of happy hour."

• (Unnamed) "Attention, all personnel; incoming wounded. Out of the frying pan and into the O.R."

• (Unnamed) "Due To circumstances beyond our control, lunch will be served today."

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