The Andy Griffith Show Quotes

The Andy Griffith Show is a Sitcom that first aired in 1960 on CBS. The Andy Griffith Show ended its run in 1968.

The Andy Griffith Show lasted 8 seasons and 249 episodes. It features Earle Hagen and Herbert W. Spencer as theme composer. The Andy Griffith Show is executive produced by Sheldon Leonard. The Andy Griffith Show is created by Sheldon Leonard.

The Andy Griffith Show is recorded in English and originally aired in United States. Each episode of The Andy Griffith Show is 25-26 minutes long. The Andy Griffith Show is produced by Danny Thomas and distributed by Viacom (original). Spinoffs for this show include Mayberry R.F.D..

The Andy Griffith Show Quotes

• (Barney Fife) "Gomer, get down there with them spiders and start workin'."

• (Andy Taylor) "And he said, "The British is comin, the British is comin. Git your guns, we gonna have us a revolution.""

• (Andy Taylor) "Goob, did anybody ever tell you you've got a big mouth?"
• (Goober Pyle) "Yeah, but I don't pay no attention to 'em."

• (Barney Fife) "Andy, I've this one dead to rights. Otis was drunk. I even gave him a test. I drew a line on the sidewalk and told him to walk it. You know what he said?"
• (Andy Taylor) "What?"
• (Barney Fife) "He asked me what line. I've got this one right, Andy. Otis was drunk."
• (Andy Taylor) "That right, Otis? Did you ask Deputy Fife what line?"
• (Otis Campbell) "Yeah; but I didn't have my specs on and drunk or sober, I can't see much without my specs."
• (Andy Taylor) "Otis, three hours ago when Deputy Fife arrested you were you drunk?"
• (Otis Campbell) "I don't know; I wasn't wearin' my glasses."

• (Mrs. Wiley) "He burst into the house uninvited and started behaving in the most peculiar manner."
• (Andy Taylor) "Like what, Mrs. Wily?"
• (Mrs. Wiley) "Oh, he stuck his hand in the punch bowl and ate every bit of the watermelon rind. And if that wasn't enough, he soaked the paper napkins in the punch and then he threw them at the ceiling."
• (Andy Taylor) "Didn't anybody try to stop him?"
• (Mrs. Wiley) "Mr. Schwump tried to pinch him, but he just giggled and jumped away."

• (Barney Fife) "Fly away buzzard, fly away crow, way down south where the winds don't blow. Rub your nose and give two winks and save us from this awful jinx."

• (Andy Taylor) "Floyd."
• (Floyd Lawson) "What's the matter?"
• (Andy Taylor) "My sideburns."
• (Floyd Lawson) "Your sideburns; what's the matter with your sideburns?"
• (Andy Taylor) "Why, they're both even."
• (Floyd Lawson) "Well, I'll be dogged. How'd that happen?"
• (Andy Taylor) "I declare, Floyd, I believe you're getting the hang of it. And looka there; they're the right length and everything."

• (Barney Fife) "What was that."
• (Andy Taylor) "I think Ernest T. Bass is paying us another visit."
• (Briscoe Darling) "Ernest T. Bass. You're a low down skunk."
• (Briscoe Darling) "Doggone ya."
• (Andy Taylor) "Listen here, Ernest T. Bass. This is Sheriff Taylor. Go on home and leave these people alone. You're keepin' 'em awake."
• (Ernest T. Bass) "Tell 'em to go back to bed. Charlene's the one I want to talk to."
• (Barney Fife) "Listen here, Ernest T. Bass. This is Deputy Fife. I'm armed and if you don't go home, I might just take a shot at you"
• (Barney Fife) "Stop that."
• (Briscoe Darling) "Sheriff, tell your deputy to be quiet before he gets us all stoned to death."

• (Barney Fife) "A boob that's what I am, a boob."

• (Barney Fife) "Adios, amigo."
• (Briscoe Darling) "He one of ours?"
• (Andy Taylor) "Oh, sure."
• (Briscoe Darling) "More power to ya."

• (Myrt 'Hubcaps' Lesh) "That's the clunker we sold to that boob in Mayberry."

• (Andy Taylor) "You blew it. You stood right there and blew it."

• (Barney Fife) "Well, I guess to sum it up, you could say, there's three reasons why there's so little crime in Mayberry. There's Andy, and there's me, and"
• (Barney Fife) "baby makes three."

• (Andy Taylor) "Let her go off somewhere else -- gig some other frog."

• (Andy Taylor) "You date one woman all the time and pretty soon people start taking you for granted. They don't say, "Let's invite Andy," or "Let's invite Elly." No, they say. "Let's invite Andy and Elly." See, then it's "Andy and Elly"; "Elly and Andy". A then, that's when that woman gets her claws into you."

• (Barney Fife) "Inkem binkem notamus rex, protect us all from the man with the hex."

• (Briscoe Darling) "Dud, did you tell Ernest T. Bass the Sheriff wanted to see him?"
• (Dud Wash) "I couldn't find him, Mr. Darlin'. His cousin said he went into the woods to kill a mockingbird."
• (Andy Taylor) "He doesn't sound like a very nice person."
• (Briscoe Darling) "One of the worst we got."

• (Andy Taylor) "Where can we find this Ernest T. Bass?"
• (Dud Wash) "Aww, he's a pestilence and a pestilence will find you -- you just wait."

• (Andy Taylor) "Well, I caught him earlier on a 10-17."
• (Barney Fife) "Hat in a horse trough?"
• (Andy Taylor) "Yeah."

• (Andy Taylor) "Barney, you can't give Otis a sobriety test now; he's had all night to sleep it off. The time to give him a sobriety test was last night when you picked him up."
• (Barney Fife) "I couldn't give him the test last night."
• (Andy Taylor) "Why?"
• (Barney Fife) "He was too drunk."

• (Floyd Lawson) "If I keep this up I'll probably end up with a barber's claw from holding the shears all day."

• (Barney Fife) "Ain't he got chicken spelled wrong?"
• (Andy Taylor) "No, it's right."
• (Barney Fife) "You sure?"
• (Andy Taylor) "Yeah, it's "i before e except after c and e before n in chicken"."
• (Barney Fife) "Oh yeah, I always forget that rule."

• (Dud Wash) "Where's my 'darlin' person'? There she is."
• (Charlene Darling) "Dud. Stop it."
• (Dud Wash) "Aw. c'mon Charlene."
• (Briscoe Darling) "Stop that, boy. We got other things to do. Try to control them hot flashes."

• (Barney Fife) "It's a wise man who knows not to push the limits of the law."
• (Briscoe Darling) "He arguin' with me?"
• (Andy Taylor) "No; he's agreein' with you."
• (Briscoe Darling) "Just so I know where I stand."

• (Andy Taylor) "Hold still, Mr. Darling, while I put on your tie."
• (Briscoe Darling) "Ever since I saw a hangin', I been nervous about wearin' one of these things."

• (Barney Fife) "You know what I think I'm gonna' do?"
• (Andy Taylor) "What?"
• (Barney Fife) "I'm gonna' go home, have me a little nap, and then go over to Thelma Lou's and watch a little TV."
• (Andy Taylor) "Mmm-hmm."
• (Barney Fife) "Yeah, I believe that's what I'll do. Go home -- have a nap -- and then over to Thelma Lou's for TV."
• (Andy Taylor) "Mmm."
• (Barney Fife) "Yep, that's the plan. Home -- little nap -- then --"
• (Malcolm Tucker) "For the love of Mike do it."
• (Malcolm Tucker) "Do it. Just do it. Go take a nap, go to Thelma Lou's for TV, just do it."

• (Ernest T. Bass) "I'm a little mean, but I make up for it by bein' real healthy. Say you'll be mine. Say you'll be my beloved."

• (Ramona 'Romeena' Ankrum) "It rained last week, ya know?"
• (Ernest T. Bass) "Yeah -- yeah -- I was right there in it."

• (Barney Fife) "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a man take off a dress before?"

• (Andy Taylor) "If you don't want magazine subscriptions or your septic tank pumped out, there's a sign you can get that says no peddlers or agents."
• (Andy Taylor) "Well, sure that applies to septic tank pumpers -- sure. Now take down those disease signs, Nelvin."

• (Briscoe Darling) "How 'bout "Don't Hit Your Grandma with a Great Big Stick"?"
• (Charlene Darling) "No, Paw, That one makes me cry."

• (Goober Pyle) "Floyd made the diagnosis."
• (Andy Taylor) "Floyd, what do you know about whiplash?"
• (Floyd Lawson) "What do you mean? A barber does a lot of work around the back of the neck."

• (Helen) "Just who do you think you are, anyway, Mayberry's answer to Cary Grant?"

• (Ernest T. Bass) "If a duck stood still you could catch him by the bill."

• (Barney Fife) "Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their neighbor. Repeat. Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their neighbor."

• (Andy Taylor) "Sarah? What? Just soak it. That's right; just soak it a lot in warm water. Listen, Sarah; get me Thelma Lou. I know she's Barney's girl; just get her on the phone. What? 'Cause I don't want to. No, Sarah, I wouldn't rather talk to Juanita at the diner; just get Thelma Lou."

• (Barney Fife) "I'll say it right to your face, Otis, you've got a pickled liver."
• (Otis Campbell) "Well, it's better than having a pickled puss."
• (Barney Fife) "Oh, yeah?"
• (Otis Campbell) "Yeah."
• (Andy Taylor) "Boys, stop it."
• (Otis Campbell) "Well, he started it."
• (Barney Fife) "I did not start it, he started it."

• (Ernest T. Bass) "I don't chew my cabbage twice. And you ain't heard the last of Ernest T. Bass."

• (Andy Taylor) "All right, what's goin' on here?"
• (Barney Fife) "Aw this boob here --"
• (Gomer Pyle) "Boob? Why that's an insult in the face of the public."

• (Barney Fife) "I'm surprised at you, Andy. They want people who have had musical training. Why, suppose they ask Rafe to do something he don't know? Rafe, if they asked you to sing a cappella, could you do it?"
• (Rafe Hollister) "No."
• (Andy Taylor) "Hey, Barn, what if they was to ask you if you could sing a cappella, what would you do?"
• (Barney Fife) "Why, I'd do it."
• (Barney Fife) ""A cappella, a cappella" -- Well, I don't remember all the words."

• (Andy Taylor) "Uh, Barn; why don't you just call her back?"
• (Barney Fife) "Sarah, get me Juanita at the diner. No, I wouldn't just rather call Thelma Lou back."

• (Andy Taylor) "What are you doing?"
• (Barney Fife) "Gun-drawing practice, ten minutes every day. If I ever have to use this baby, I want to teach it to come to papa in a hurry."

• (Opie Taylor) "Pa, just what can you do with a grown woman?"

• (Briscoe Darling) "Low and lonely, sad and blue / Thinking only, of little you / Always tryin', to keep from cryin' / I'm low and lonely over you."

• (Briscoe Darling) "Ow. What'd you do that for?"
• (Aunt Bee Taylor) "No elbows on the table."
• (Briscoe Darling) "That ain't fair; her hittin' first and explainin' the rules after."

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