(Article/content is below...)

That '70s Show (season 3) Quotes

That '70s Show is a television show that debuted in 2000 on Fox Broadcasting Company. That '70s Show ended its run in 2001.

That '70s Show aired for 25 episodes.

The cast includes: Laura Prepon as Donna Pinciotti, Ashton Kutcher as Michael Kelso, Kurtwood Smith as Red Forman, Topher Grace as Eric, Mila Kunis as Jackie Burkhardt, Danny Masterson as Steven Hyde, Debra Jo Rupp as Kitty Forman, Tanya Roberts as Midge Pinciotti, Ashton Kutcher as Kelso, Wilmer Valderrama as Fez, Valerie Harper as All, Kurtwood Smith as Red, Laura Prepon as Donna, Kevin McDonald as Pastor Dave, Tommy Chong as Leo, Don Stark as Bob Pinciotti, Laura Prepon as Nina, Danny Bonaduce as Ricky, Mila Kunis as Burt, Ashton Kutcher as Earl, Allison Munn as Caroline, Danny Masterson as Edna Hyde, Topher Grace as Bernice Forman, Joe Flaherty as Bryan, Dave Thomas as Chris, Joe Flaherty as Roy, and Kurtwood Smith as Red Foreman.

That '70s Show Quotes

Mila Kunis as Jackie Burkhardt

  • (Mila Kunis) "Hyde? Fez? -- MICHAEL."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Oh good, it's Hyde, Fez, and Michael."
  • (Mila Kunis) "How do you feel about his hair?"
  • (Laura Prepon) "Love it, lots of body."
  • (Mila Kunis) "And his body?"
  • (Laura Prepon) "Love it, lots of hair."
  • (Mila Kunis) "I'd like to pop that inflatable bitch and watch her fly around the room."
  • (Mila Kunis) "So you know what? I am done making an ass out of myself for you or any guy. I'm done with guys completely."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Hear that, Hyde? We screwed her up so bad she's switching to chicks. How awesome are we?"
  • (Mila Kunis) "If somebody doesn't tell me I'm cute in the next five minutes, my head will explode."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Mrs. Pinciotti, would you please tell Donna I'm right? Isn't it great when men act like they own you."
  • (Tanya Roberts) "Oh, yeah."
  • (Laura Prepon) "Mom, what about all those feminist classes you went to?"
  • (Tanya Roberts) "Oh, right -- No."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Fez, you are like, an amazing dancer."
  • (Wilmer Valderrama) "Actually, Jackie -- YOU are the reason I am amazing."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Well, I have a date too."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Who is he? What's his name?"
  • (Mila Kunis) "His name is -- not important. What's important is, he's better than you, in every single conceivable way."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "DAMN, JACKIE. THAT COULD BE ANYBODY."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Man, I just totally forgot why I was laughing. Isn't that funny?"
  • (Topher Grace) "Okay -- no more for the cheerleader."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Donna, are you OK?"
  • (Laura Prepon) "Yeah."
  • (Mila Kunis) "How can you be OK? There's a college woman sleeping in Eric's bed."
  • (Laura Prepon) "Jackie, Eric's sleeping in the basement."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Donna, stairs can't stop a high school horn dog. Barbed wire can't stop a high school horn dog. A wall of fire can't stop a high school horn dog."
  • (Mila Kunis) "God, it's so hard being with a real man. Donna, you should be glad you're with Eric."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Look, I need to know that he's really changed. I need to test him somehow."
  • (Laura Prepon) "I agree."
  • (Mila Kunis) "You do?"
  • (Laura Prepon) "Absolutely. If you get back with Kelso, you better have him tested."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Oh Michael, you're prettier than Bowie."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "I'm prettier than you."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Steven, what happened?"
  • (Danny Masterson) "What? Nothing -- just -- somebody and then -- the guy said 'bitch' and there's nothing."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Oh, my God. He called me a bitch and you hit him. And that's what happened, isn't it?"
  • (Danny Masterson) "-- No?"
  • (Mila Kunis) "Liar. I AM the bitch. And you LOVE me."
  • (Laurie Forman) "You should watch your back."
  • (Mila Kunis) "You should stop spending so much time on yours."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Steven, do you really think we're a creepy, unnatural couple?"
  • (Danny Masterson) "Come on. It's a crazy question. I mean, if this relationship wasn't just a little bit creepy and unnatural I wouldn't be in it."
  • (Laurie Forman) "Hey jackie, whose that cute guy you came here with?"
  • (Mila Kunis) "BACK OFF. I need him for right now but you can have him when i'm done."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Oh my god, I told her that, it was me. I saved the day."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Oh my god. He called me a bitch, and you hit him. And that's what happened, isn't it?"
  • (Danny Masterson) "No."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Liar. I am the bitch. And you love me."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Everybody wants their first make-out to be special. Someplace romantic like Ireland, or Disneyworld."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Stop staring at me or I'll kick you."
  • (Mila Kunis) "What he needs is a kick in the nads."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "It's the holidays, we say 'sleigh bells'."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Being a model was my and Michael's dream -- for me."
  • (Topher Grace) "Hmmm -- In your fantasy you're a model, and Kelso's -- not there. In reality Kelso's a model, and you sell cheese. Interesting --"
  • (Mila Kunis) "Michael, I told you about Eric so you could help him, not make fun of him."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah, but it's hard to help someone and burn him at the same time."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Oh, come on, Jackie, it's funny. I mean, he must have been really bad."
  • (Mila Kunis) "So were you."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "OK, I don't think you know what you're saying because you called me your "Apollo Rocket of Love.""
  • (Mila Kunis) "But the way I said it was"
  • (Mila Kunis) ""Oh, Michael, you my regular Apollo Rocket of Love.""
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "OK, I'm not hearing a difference."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Ok, Donna, I got us a double date."
  • (Laura Prepon) "Who?"
  • (Mila Kunis) "Firemen."
  • (Laura Prepon) "They're, like, 40 years old."
  • (Mila Kunis) "So, what? Don't ruin this for me, Donna. This is just like my play."
  • (Mila Kunis) "This is my friend Donna. She's just being a wet blanket."
  • (Unnamed) "So, what do you girls do?"
  • (Laura Prepon) "Oh, you know -- WE'RE IN HIGH SCHOOL."
  • (Unnamed) "Okay -- What are your interests?"
  • (Laura Prepon) "Oh, you know -- HIGH SCHOOL GUYS."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Yeah, I got it -- in the Ghetto."
  • (Danny Masterson) "Jackie, there's no ghetto here. There's like that one house that needs to be painted."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Eric, no offense, I know she's your sister, but Laurie is such a whore."
  • (Topher Grace) "Jackie, not since the "Smokey and the Bandit" debate, are you and I so on the same page."
  • (Laura Prepon) "Me too."
  • (Danny Masterson) "Hear hear."
  • (Wilmer Valderrama) "Yes."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Oh, my God. You all hate Laurie?"
  • (Mila Kunis) "I don't believe this. You all hate Laurie, and love me."
  • (Danny Masterson) "-- We all hate Laurie, all right."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Let's go Michael. To a place where our love is understood."
  • (Topher Grace) "Oh, and while you're there, check out the new monkey house."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Donna's mouth is as big as her feet."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Hyde, if you want to make out with me, the answer's probably no."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Why won't Steven love me? I wish my daddy could buy him for me --"
  • (Mila Kunis) "Well, if Donna's not gonna be here, neither am I."
  • (Topher Grace) "Oh, Jackie, I'm sorry. What I meant was -- BYE."
  • (Mila Kunis) "I want Michael to give me that stupid promise ring."
  • (Wilmer Valderrama) "Look, Jackie, Kelso is very sensitive."
  • (Danny Masterson) "Girlish, even."
  • (Wilmer Valderrama) "So, he just wants to wait for the right time to give it to you."
  • (Mila Kunis) "You know what, Fez? You're right. I'll give him time."
  • (Mila Kunis) "WHERE'S MY RING, YOU IDIOT?"
  • (Mila Kunis) "Oh, I understand. I mean, it's kind of like -- it's kind of like setting your hair. If you don't wait long enough, it's totally flat and blah like Donna's. But if you wait just the right amount of time then it's perfect, like mine. Steven, are you even listening to me?"
  • (Danny Masterson) "God help me, I am."
  • (Mila Kunis) "It's just a meaningless fling, okay? We can stop whenever we want."
  • (Topher Grace) "Well, then maybe you should."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Why do you even care?"
  • (Topher Grace) "BECAUSE YOU'RE BREAKING UP THE BAND, YOKO."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Androgynous guys are so manly."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Steven. I can't believe it. Why can't you say anything to make me feel better?"
  • (Danny Masterson) "Ok, I'm sorry. Why don't you get your dad a couple of cartons of cigarettes. That way, he won't be anybody's wife."
  • (Danny Masterson) "Jackie, come on. My mom said that to me when MY dad got arrested. I felt better, and we had a good laugh about it."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Didn't know they let slutballs in here."
  • (Annette) "Well, I've seen you in here so I figured it was okay."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Oh, you don't know it, but you just burnt yourself."
  • (Annette) "Oh, I know it. The question is, do you?"
  • (Mila Kunis) "I just said I do."
  • (Annette) "So do I, so you are too."
  • (Topher Grace) "Donna, are you following this?"
  • (Laura Prepon) "Umm -- I think one of them's a slutball and one of them knows it."
  • (Annette) "I think what we need to do is go talk about Michael."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Fine. I'll try to use small words so you can understand me."
  • (Annette) "That's NOT going to be good enough."
  • (Rhonda) "Relax. We're all part of the gang."
  • (Mila Kunis) "No, no, no. You're not part of this gang. You can't be a part of this gang. I had to kiss butt for a year to be a part of this gang."
  • (Wilmer Valderrama) "That was you being nice ?"
  • (Mila Kunis) "So Barbra Streisand became this huge star, right? But Kris Kristofferson could not take it anymore, so he drinks and drinks and crashes his car. Isn't that romantic?"
  • (Wilmer Valderrama) "Say, "Yes, it is.""
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Yes it is."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Oh, I just love romantic movies, don't you?"
  • (Wilmer Valderrama) ""Yes, I do.""
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Yes, I do."
  • (Mila Kunis) "You know what would be a good romantic scene in a movie? That night we had a reservoir when we went skinny-dipping. Remember?"
  • (Wilmer Valderrama) ""No, describe it to me.""
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "No, describe it to me."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Michael, you're so bad. Okay, the water was really cold, so when I dove in, well you know."
  • (Wilmer Valderrama) "No, I don't know."
  • (Mila Kunis) "MICHAEL."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Oh, no. I'm not getting a job. Jobs are for poor people. I'm a rich person who doesn't have any money."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Once when Michael cheated on me I got some flowers from a secret admirer and it really cheered me up. I mean, I sent them to myself but it's the thought that counts, right?"
  • (Mila Kunis) "You're coming over to my house tonight. And we're gonna -- "study"."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Come on. I never get to do anything fun."
  • (Danny Masterson) "God, you're dumb."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Well I guess that's why I gotta go "STUDY"."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Don't pity me because I'm beautiful."
  • (Laura Prepon) "I pity you because you're dumb."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Ah, come back here. Nobody ignores "Jurkie Barkheart." I am adorable, I'm encouraging, and I'm damn likeable and if you're too stupid too see that then I feel sorry for you."
  • (Mila Kunis) "'Cause if anyone should be the center of attention it's me."
  • (Laura Prepon) "Jackie."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Get off me."
  • (Mila Kunis) "What the hell is a "boobsout"?"
  • (Mila Kunis) "Look, the sooner you realize I'm a genius, the better off we'll both be."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Donna's feet are so huge. I was in her room once and I almost fell into one of her shoes. I would never be heard from again."
  • (Mila Kunis) "So, what kind of career do you see yourself in?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Well, I was considering becoming a doctor --"
  • (Mila Kunis) "A doctor? Ooh, that's so mature."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Or, a rodeo clown."

Kurtwood Smith as Red

  • (Kurtwood Smith) "What are you going to put on your resume; dumbass?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "You mean with that ungrateful daughter, our dumbass son, and that drunk foreign kid"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "it was better than last year."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "It looks like 'Hee Haw' puked in here."
  • (Bull) "So, I hear your plant's closing down."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Yeah, you can't compete with those damn foreign imports. You know, if I had seen this coming, I would've shot a little straighter during the war."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Son, you don't have bad luck. The reason that bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Steven, I've come to think of you as a son. So I want to give you some honest, heart-felt advice. Get your head out of your ass."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "That thing was always messing in my yard and going through my trash."
  • (Laurie Forman) "Now we have Hyde for that."
  • (Danny Masterson) "Oh yeah Laurie, and what exactly do you do? Oh that's right, the Packers."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Do you know how they treat their criminals in Russia? First offense, five years in Siberia. Second offense, ten years. Believe you me, there is no third offense."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Unless the criminal likes to make snow angels."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Earl, just get to work."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Oh, sure. Right after my cup of joe. I'm useless without my coffee."
  • (Topher Grace) "Then, I guess he hasn't had coffee in years, huh?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "So, this is how an immature, engaged, high school dumbass, with no car, no job, and no money trims the hedges."
  • (Danny Masterson) "That was like eight burns in one sentence."
  • (Laura Prepon) "An octo-burn. Let's get outta here."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Forman, party of two."
  • (Unnamed) "Okey dokey, that'll be about two hours."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Here's twenty bucks."
  • (Unnamed) "Okay we'll have something in fifteen minutes."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "You don't want this place to burn down twice do you?"
  • (Unnamed) "Okay we have something right now."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "I thought so. Well, it looks like it's our lucky night."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "What are you doing here?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "The explanation is in the note."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Dear Red, we would like for you to give Michael thirty dollars for the game you threw out the window and broke. Signed, my parents."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Well, you made her laugh, that's worth at least thirty bucks."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "If you don't shut up I will put you in a crate, take you down to the port, and trade you for a years worth of bananas."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "I'm glad he's in prison for bribery. People like him give a bad name to Republicans."
  • (Topher Grace) "Yeah, all the honest ones, like Richard Nixon."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "What did you just say?"
  • (Topher Grace) "Uhh -- I said Nixon was framed, and Kennedy was a commie?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Damn right."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "What the hell happened?"
  • (Danny Masterson) "Eric made out with Laurie's friend."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Anything else?"
  • (Wilmer Valderrama) "Your son is a whore."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Eric, if your mother wants you and Archie and Jughead to help her, then you'll help her."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "You're Jughead."
  • (Danny Masterson) "You're so Jughead, its not even debatable."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "You are so --"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Steven, stop hitting Jughead."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "I like the sound of a beer church."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Bob, that's my stuff. You put the hell back my stuff."
  • (Don Stark) "Sorry, Red, it was in my part of the garage."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "What's he talking about?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Kitty, let me talk to him."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Bob, get the hell out of my garage."
  • (Don Stark) "Fine."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "That kid's on dope."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Quick, I need a wet towel and a Bloody Mary."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Your mother is talking about adopting a communist orphan. HURRY, DAMMIT."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Eric's old enough to hear this kind of talk. Eric, say your job got transferred to Guada-Who-The-Hell-Cares. Would you vote for the guy that did that?"
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Oh, Red, Ford didn't take away your job. He took Nixon's."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Let's not talk about it in front of the boy."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Ah, my job, and my little girl."
  • (Topher Grace) "Ok, so I'm here too, dad."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Oh, and uh, speaking of you, I told Millbank's son David to come by and see you."
  • (Topher Grace) "David Millbank? Dad, I hated that guy."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Yeah, well, I hate his dad. But, I smile like hell whenever I see him."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "What the hell is going on?"
  • (Topher Grace) "Dad, it was just a prank that went wrong. Horribly -- horribly wrong."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Really? Well I have a prank too. One where my foot doesn't plow through your ass. Let's hope it doesn't go horribly, horribly wrong."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "You know, maybe instead of finding another idiot to hang out with, you might think about unloading a few."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Like you."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "And you."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "And you."
  • (Topher Grace) "I'm your son."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Hey, I treat everyone as equals."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Kitty, when we got married, we took a vow to be together through sickness and health, but nobody said anything about what to do if your wife turns into a dope fiend."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Every single Price Mart stock-boy will be trained in the Red Forman way."
  • (Topher Grace) "Oh, you mean by undermining their self-esteem until they're too weak to fight back?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Why is our house always infested with kids?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Why here? Why is it always here?"
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Well, what do you want them to do? Throw the party in the street?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Yes. They puke in the street, the city cleans it up."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Without rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Aw, Gilligan screwed it up. Why don't they just kill him?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Let me get this straight; Donna told you she wanted to get back together and you said NO?"
  • (Topher Grace) "I said no."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "What the Hell is wrong with you?"
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Dumbass."
  • (Topher Grace) "Look, I have my reasons, okay?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "What the Hell could they possibly be?"
  • (Topher Grace) "Casey dumps Donna and then Donna comes running back to ME? Look, I'm not a rebound, All right?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "You're too PROUD to take her back? What exactly do you have to be proud OF? You're not an athelete. The only thing smart about you is your mouth. And, well -- look at you."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "This is how it starts, you know. First they're dating and having fun, and then the next thing you know, they're prying the money to pay for a wedding from my cold, dead hands."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Oh, honey. They're not going to get married. He'll leave her when she gets pregnant."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Well, I'd like to help, but not as much as I'd like not to."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Nice shorts, Rainbow."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Kitty, why is it we always do what you want to do and never do what I want to do?"
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "It's in the Bible."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Damn kids today. They wouldn't know responsibility if it walked up and bit them in the ass."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "I'm proud of you."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "And that goes double for -- what the hell did you say?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "It's just that Frank is getting on my nerves. He's just -- he's an ass. And he's dumb. He's a --"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "-- dumbass."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Michael Kelso scored higher than you on the test? This is the kid I saw super-glue his hand to his face."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Where is everybody? Where are all my friends?"
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "You don't have any friends, honey. I'm afraid it's a side effect of -- telling people to stick it in their butts."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "I say good riddance. That cat was always making a mess on my lawn and going through my garbage."
  • (Laurie Forman) "Yeah. But now we have Hyde to do that."
  • (Danny Masterson) "Oh yeah, Laurie? And what exactly do you do? Oh, yeah; the Packers."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "If the US government decides to stick a tracking device up your ass, you say, "Thank You. And God Bless America.""
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "What the hell kind of a world are we living in? 'Hey, let's date other people.' 'Hey, let's date other people, but ditch them and do it in a car.' In my day, we called them degenerates, and we STONED them."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Shoes are an inappropriate gift to give to a man."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "How about when you joined the army, another man issued your boots?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "So he gave me a gun so I let it go."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Why can't you just accept the shoes because Bob is your friend?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Kitty you don't understand. We don't give each other presents. We ignore each other."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "When used separately, women and alcohol can be a lot of fun. But if you mix them, they can turn you into a dumbass."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Dear Lord, would it kill you to give the Packers a winning season? Oh, and uh, watch over my loving family, blah blah blah --"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Well isn't that a surprise. A National Guardsman serving up chicken."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "I've been working since I was sixteen. I fought in two wars. Hell, I've killed people. I'm not saying that I didn't enjoy it --"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "I don't see why we have to spend the night. It only took me ten minutes to catch up with everybody at my reunion."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Red, standing in the corner by yourself muttering "Dumbass" at everyone doesn't count as "catching up"."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "The last time I was that close to a Japanese machine, it was shooting at me."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bedbugs put their foot in your ass."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Eric, I thought I told you to wash up for dinner. I know, it's difficult to hear with your head up your ass."
  • (Laurie Forman) "You know Eric, hickeys lead to dirty things."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "For God sakes. Don't let Donna suck your neck."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "You need to grow up and learn some responsibility."
  • (Topher Grace) "I love you too, Dad."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "What? Stop being weird."
  • (Topher Grace) "Thanks."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Is this what I think it is?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "If you mean paprika, then yes, sir."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Honey, paprika is red."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "If you mean green paprika, then yes, sir."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "You know all that rent money you've been giving us? I've been putting it all in a bank account for your college fees -- or bail."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Hey, I go to church -- just not during televised sporting events."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "What have I said about comparing your sister to the Devil?"
  • (Topher Grace) "That it's offensive to the Devil?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Oh, come on. This isn't food. This is what food eats."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "You know, Steven, you're a smart guy. You really should go to college. You're coming with us, this weekend."
  • (Danny Masterson) "You don't trust me alone in the house, do you?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "See how smart you are?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Look, Jackie. I don't what to say except -- your dad's rich, isn't he?"
  • (Mila Kunis) "Yeah."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Well, you can use that to get him out of prison."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Oh, my god. That's such a good idea. I'll do that. You know, it's true. In this country, the rich get treated better than most people."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Yeah."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "I'm so glad I took some shrapnel to make that possible --"
  • (Mila Kunis) "Me too."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Thanks for the help. You seem to have a natural talent for handling luggage."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Donna just came through hear looking pretty upset. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"
  • (Topher Grace) "No. I mean, she was fine just a minute ago when we were down -- oh, you already know, don't you?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Of course I know."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Hey, Ali Baba. Close Sesame."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Look at this. First day of deer season."
  • (Topher Grace) "Rabbit season."
  • (Danny Masterson) "Duck season."
  • (Topher Grace) "Rabbit season."
  • (Danny Masterson) "Duck seaon."
  • (Topher Grace) "Rabbit season"
  • (Danny Masterson) "Duck season."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Earl, I didn't make you too dumb to flip burgers. It's God fault."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Aw, Kitty, you think that she's all grown up. But there's still a lot that she doesn't know. I mean, what if her place doesn't have a deadbolt, or a smoke detector?"
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Red, you don't have to baby her. She's twenty."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "You're never too old to burn to death in a fire."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "I want you to forget that I'm your father for a minute. I want you to tell me exactly what you think of me."
  • (Topher Grace) "How about I do this when you don't have a gun?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Oh and uh, here's a 20."
  • (Laurie Forman) "Will that cover for gas?"
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Oh well, honey, give her another 10 just in case."
  • (Topher Grace) "You know, I could use some gas money."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Yeah -- and if a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump it's ass when it hops."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Don't sass me, Tarzan."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Bud, being a teenager is like being in a war. One minute, you're crawling around blind. Next minute, you get your foot blown off."
  • (Bud Hyde) "I wouldn't know anything about that. Never been to war. I was a conscientious."
  • (Bud Hyde) "Uhh -- Canadian."
  • (Mitch Miller) "Eric, I didn't take your action figure."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Doll."
  • (Topher Grace) "ACTION FIGURE."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "For God's sake, Kitty, I'm not Santa Claus."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Well, thank God you're not Santa Claus, Red. You scare the hell out of children."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Once again, an open bar spells disaster for the Foreman family."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Damn it. That's where I eat dinner."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Nothing around this house is cheap."
  • (Topher Grace) "Except for Laurie."
  • (Laurie Forman) "I am not cheap."
  • (Topher Grace) "Free, whatever."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Kelso, you make Eric look like Einstein."
  • (Topher Grace) "Gee, thank you daddy."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) ""Thank you"? Einstein was ugly."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Penny, you're cold. Go get a sweater."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Eric, do I have to tell you to stop staring at your cousin?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "What the hell kind of restaurant is this? You got eight people singing happy birthday, and no one can bring my wife a damn salad."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Well, we got vandals in this town. I was driving home and I saw the water tower giving me the finger."
  • (Laurie Forman) "Vandals you say? Hmm, where were you last night, Eric?"
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Oh, can it, Laurie. Eric you look pale. Let me see your eyes."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Look at me."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Do you have fever?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "I know what you need. Right after breakfast, I want you to mow the lawn. The fresh air will do you good."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Eric, is something bothering you?"
  • (Topher Grace) "God, make it stop."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "If I don't make it, kill the foreign kid."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "This is going to be expensive, isn't it?"
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Maybe."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Don't you like anything cheap?"
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "I like you."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Kitty, I think we should rethink our 'Don't throw Leo out on his ass policy.'"
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "No, no. Leo stuck around because he cares about Steven."
  • (Tommy Chong) "-- and plus I can't find my shoes, man."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "I'm -- sorry that I took your money out of your little box, when I feed you and clothe you and put a roof over your head. Sorrrrry."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "I'm the richest man in Church."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Threats aren't going to work, Kitty."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Every newspaper you'll be reading, every nap you'll be taking, every football game you'll be watching, I'll be there, talking, talking, talking, talking."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "So you just be grateful that your Dad doesn't yell at you 24-hours-a-day. And don't give me that look, because this isn't yelling. When I yell, you'll know it."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Is that kid from not America still here?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "You know, I was hoping when they'd move to Arizona, they would get lost in the desert."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Get a job, HA. It's just party all night, dance all day, and sex everywhere in between."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Dumbass."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "When my time comes I want to be buried face down. That way whoever doesn't like me can kiss my ass."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Bend your knees and lift with your legs, or else I'm going to --"
  • (Topher Grace) "-- kick my ass, put your foot in my ass, make my ass a hat, yeah, yeah yeah --"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "If one more person tells me to 'shut it' --"
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "You might actually 'shut it'?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "If you ever do anything like that again, I will kick your ass so hard, your nose will bleed."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "And we love you."

Topher Grace as Eric

  • (Topher Grace) "Laurie saved up all her money so she could buy a back massager; which isn't fooling anyone by the way."
  • (Topher Grace) "I think I have everything. I got the keys, the cash, my "Who am I kidding?" condom --"
  • (Topher Grace) "You're right, Jackie, the Fonz could beat up Bruce Lee."
  • (Topher Grace) "My head hurts."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "That's your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity."
  • (Lance Crawford) "Hello, Eric. Your father and I were just discussing how unrealistically space travel is portrayed in "Star Wars"."
  • (Topher Grace) "It was a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away -- look, you either buy it or you don't."
  • (Topher Grace) "So, we're finally gonna meet the mysterious and possibly fictional Nina."
  • (Wilmer Valderrama) "Hey, does this hickey look fictional?"
  • (Laura Prepon) "Nope, it's real."
  • (Wilmer Valderrama) "How can you tell?"
  • (Laura Prepon) "It's too small to be the vacuum cleaner hose like last time."
  • (Topher Grace) "You know, mom, there comes an age in a boy's life when the baby talk stops working. Yeah, when it does, it just gives a boy the urge to kill."
  • (Topher Grace) "Hyde, without Donna, I've reverted to my natural state. I'm dirty, I'm lazy, and I don't wear pants. I'm like you now."
  • (Danny Masterson) "No, see, I'm an original. You're a convert."
  • (Topher Grace) "Strong words coming from a guy wearing pants."
  • (Topher Grace) "Uh-oh, naughty thoughts a-brewin' --"
  • (Topher Grace) "Keep it down, you guys. If my dad finds out we're going to Canada, for beer, he won't be happy."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "All right. Canada. Wooooooo. Beer."
  • (Topher Grace) "You want to know what I did when we were broken up, Donna? Here."
  • (Mitch Miller) "These all have minor errors in the build. Yeah, he built these all right."
  • (Topher Grace) "Ooooh, why do I have to wear the stupid helmet?"
  • (Danny Masterson) "Because you're stupid."
  • (Topher Grace) "This is the best water heater ever. God bless us, every one."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Do you know why Tiny Tim walked with a crutch?"
  • (Topher Grace) "Because he had a smart mouth?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "That's right."
  • (Topher Grace) "I forgot my mom's birthday."
  • (Danny Masterson) "Really? 'Cause I remembered your mom's birthday."
  • (Topher Grace) "If you remembered, then why didn't you tell me?"
  • (Danny Masterson) "How would that be funny?"
  • (Topher Grace) "I'm trying to read Red's lips, but I can't make it out; he keeps calling me a stupid duck."
  • (Topher Grace) "Ahhhhh."
  • (Topher Grace) "I say we torture them with plenty of pointless rules and advice."
  • (Topher Grace) "Hello, mother? This is your son, Eric. I am not feeling well."
  • (Topher Grace) "Donna, it's just a movie."
  • (Topher Grace) "Do you want to sit somewhere else?"
  • (Laura Prepon) "So bad."
  • (Topher Grace) "Dad just got sued by a co-worker for wrongful termination."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Well if the news is so unpleasant I'm ignoring it. Here, have a cupcake."
  • (Topher Grace) "Mom, did you hear what I said? Dad is getting sued for wrongful termination by Earl."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Earl? He didn't do his job, he was always late and he was a complete dumbass -- person."
  • (Topher Grace) "Mom, you said ass."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "So did you, now give me back the cupcake."
  • (Topher Grace) "Dad is gonna freak. I don't know how to tell him."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Tell me what?"
  • (Topher Grace) "Oh, mom said the ass word."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Give me that."
  • (Topher Grace) "You know what, mom, I got this one. Whoever here is not being sued by Earl for illegal termination, raise your hand."
  • (Topher Grace) "Don't tell Donna I told you, okay? She'd kill me. It's supposed to be a secret."
  • (Wilmer Valderrama) "Of course its supposed to be a secret. 'I'm marrying a dumbell' -- who wants that spread around?"
  • (Topher Grace) "That would be like looking at my mom and thinking, "Hey, baby. How ? ". I'm just going to stop right there."
  • (Topher Grace) "Tell me again Kelso how is this car baby friendly"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Because its tiny -- like a baby"
  • (Topher Grace) "You know, Donna, failing classes is not the only way to get attention from your parents. A lot of girls, when they're having a bad time at home, just go slutty."
  • (Laura Prepon) "You know what Eric? You're right. Let's have sex right now."
  • (Topher Grace) "Really?"
  • (Laura Prepon) "No."
  • (Topher Grace) "Stop doing that."
  • (Topher Grace) "Ok, I know it. She told you about "Dr. PeePee". Fine, you got it. I couldn't sleep on the top bunk and I was 10. Fine, I'm "Dr. PeePee"."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) ""Dr. PeePee". That's great. You are so "Dr. PeePee"."
  • (Topher Grace) "Oh, really, "Big Chief Brown Bottom"?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Sorry, man. I'm sorry. Everybody shut up. Just, shut up."
  • (Topher Grace) "It's as if at that moment Eric Forman and Donna Pinciotti ceased to exist and merged into one perfect being -- Donneric Forciotti."
  • (Topher Grace) "People are going to think I'm really like that."
  • (Laura Prepon) "Oh, come on. Nobody's going to think you're like that."
  • (Girl #1) "Cat killer."
  • (Girl #2) "Bastard."
  • (Girl #1) "Porn freak."
  • (Laura Prepon) "OK, they could be talking about anybody."
  • (Danny Masterson) "Hey, we're all porn-freak bastards. But he's the only one who killed a cat."
  • (Topher Grace) "Hey Dad, you know who has the right idea? Russia."
  • (Topher Grace) "Did you hear that? The shrill voice, the bossy tone, the random hatred of all things that bounce? My God, she's Jackie."
  • (Laura Prepon) "A new Jackie."
  • (Topher Grace) "A blonde Jackie."
  • (Laura Prepon) "Blackie."
  • (Laura Prepon) "We are doomed."
  • (Topher Grace) "So Donna says David and her are just good friends. And if I don't believe that, um, then she's gonna think that I don't trust her."
  • (Wilmer Valderrama) "Eric, maybe you should let David have Donna. I mean, they look so nice together."
  • (Danny Masterson) "See, this is why your country lost the war."
  • (Wilmer Valderrama) "My country never fought a war."
  • (Danny Masterson) "Yeah, big surprise."
  • (Topher Grace) "I believe that everyone's political opinion is valid, and worth hearing."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Well that's perfect Eric. Use that line when you run for Miss America."
  • (Topher Grace) "We're gonna do what Luke Skywalker was too afraid to do: use the dark side to our advantage."
  • (Laura Prepon) "Eric, if we're gonna be married you've got to ease up on the Star Wars stuff. It doesn't apply to everything."
  • (Topher Grace) "I'm gonna have to rewrite my vows."
  • (Topher Grace) "Mom's making me special sandwiches, Donna's giving me sexy naps -- with God as my witness, I will never go hungry or horny again."
  • (Topher Grace) "Guys, I can't think Penny is hot. I mean, she's my cousin. That's like thinking my mom's -- Whoa, I'm gonna stop right there."
  • (Wilmer Valderrama) "I thought that about your mother, but I didn't stop there."
  • (Topher Grace) "Even though we ain't got money, I'm so in love with ya honey. Who am I kidding after I can't pay for Donna's engagement ring nobody's gonna be in love with me honey. Why must you mock me Ann Murray?"
  • (Topher Grace) "Everything costs money. Gas. Food. Parties. Fun."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Dates. Dates cost money."
  • (Wilmer Valderrama) "No, Kelso, that is prostitution."
  • (Danny Masterson) "No, Fez, dating IS prostitution. Only, you don't always get what you paid for."
  • (Topher Grace) "Leo, you sell promise rings?"
  • (Tommy Chong) "Yeah, man. I sell rings and -- other stuff."
  • (Topher Grace) "Ohh -- We'll take two promise rings, and a misdemeanor's worth of the other stuff."
  • (Topher Grace) "Fez, I know you've spoken English for only a few weeks, now. But could you have learned the phrase 'Don't tell my Dad?" 'Don't' being the contraction for do not and 'tell my Dad' meaning SHUT UP?"
  • (Wilmer Valderrama) "See, right there you told me NOT to shut up. It's a wonder you're not failing English, too. Crack a book, you lazy son of a bitch."
  • (The Angel) "Oh, but it only gets better. Eric, I'm now going to show you your future. Next stop; the '80s."
  • (Topher Grace) "What was that?"
  • (The Angel) "You'll find out."
  • (Topher Grace) "Hey, it's my mom."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "You two make me sick."
  • (Topher Grace) "And she's talking like my dad."
  • (Topher Grace) "She's the woman, I'm the man. I have to do better on that test."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Don't worry if Donna's smarter than you. I'd take a dummy over a jackass any day."
  • (Topher Grace) "Which one am I?"
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Well, honey, right now you're both."
  • (Topher Grace) "Hey, leggo my Eggo."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Hey, leggo my foot in your ass."
  • (Topher Grace) "Prepare thyself. Tonight, we fornicate."
  • (Topher Grace) "I got a feeling I'm forgetting something --"
  • (Danny Masterson) "Looks like you got everything but a tall redhead."
  • (Topher Grace) "Yeah, what guy doesn't love a tall redhead oh my god I forgot Donna."
  • (Topher Grace) "Look at the symptoms -- temperamental behavior, mood swings, facial hair -- Uh oh, Dad, I think you have menopause."
  • (Topher Grace) "So, you're saying that Donna and I will be okay?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "No. All I did was scratch your mother's shoes. I didn't pull her pants down in front of God and the foreign kid."
  • (Topher Grace) "Hey."
  • (Laura Prepon) "That's all you have to say to me? "Hey"?"
  • (Topher Grace) "Well, what do you want me to say?"
  • (Laura Prepon) "I want you to say "Hey". Dillhole."
  • (Topher Grace) "Oh, yeah? Well, DOUBLE DILLHOLE."
  • (Topher Grace) "Double dillhole? --"
  • (Topher Grace) "It's amazing what one act of civil disobedience can do for a person."
  • (Topher Grace) "Don't worry; I have a plan."
  • (Topher Grace) "GO -- AWAY."
  • (Laura Prepon) "That's it? That's your plan? That's not a good plan."
  • (Topher Grace) "Yeah -- no, that's the plan. I mean, we're completely naked. He'll -- probably just go away."
  • (Topher Grace) "Crap. Have you seen my pants?"
  • (Topher Grace) "You know Donna, you're a great study buddy. You make studying fun."
  • (Topher Grace) "Wait, this isn't like the time that you bought a hamster, named it virginity, and then lost it?"
  • (Topher Grace) "Kelso, aren't you a little old to be stealing Donna's undies?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "A collector never stops collecting, Eric."
  • (Topher Grace) "What happened between you two?"
  • (Wilmer Valderrama) "Suffice to say that it involved a crowded parking lot, a half off sale and a pair of pants that made my ass look like an oil painting."
  • (Fenton) "If you mean old and cracked, I agree."
  • (Wilmer Valderrama) "I'll see you in hell."
  • (Fenton) "I'll be wearing your pants."
  • (Topher Grace) "What happened? Did Kelso forget your birthday or something?"
  • (Mila Kunis) "I'm pregnant."
  • (Laura Prepon) "Eric, you're like a million miles away. What's going on?"
  • (Topher Grace) "Ok, Donna. I have to tell you something, but you promise you're not going to tell anybody else."
  • (Laura Prepon) "Dirt. I swear. Now tell me."
  • (Topher Grace) "Not here."
  • (Topher Grace) "Jackie's pregnant."
  • (Topher Grace) "Yeah, I mean, when the empire killed Luke Skywalker's aunt and uncle, did he just call them up?"
  • (Unnamed) "Ahh, nooo --"
  • (Topher Grace) "No. He hopped on the Millenium Falcon, and he paid a little visit to the Death Star."
  • (Topher Grace) "Well, Marlin, we've just seen the male of the herd grunt his displeasure. But what does it mean?"
  • (Danny Masterson) "The grunting indicates aggression, Jim."
  • (Topher Grace) "Ah."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Idiots."
  • (Topher Grace) "She was drunk, in the middle of the afternoon. I mean, it was like Sue Ellen on 'Dallas'."
  • (Topher Grace) "Well, Donna and I are back together."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Oh, good, did you two talk things out?"
  • (Topher Grace) "Actually we -- yeah, we talked things out."
  • (Danny Masterson) "More like grunted."
  • (Topher Grace) "Shut up."
  • (Danny Masterson) "Okay man, give me all the details."
  • (Topher Grace) "Oh, there will be detail o'plenty, in my steamy letter to Penthouse."
  • (Topher Grace) "And my mom's still here isn't she?"
  • (Topher Grace) "Gentlemen, we have finally done it. A pot leaf on the water tower."
  • (Wilmer Valderrama) "This is the proudest moment of my life."
  • (Danny Masterson) "It doesn't look like a pot leaf. It looks like its giving me the finger."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Well it doesn't have to look perfect Hyde, it's art."
  • (Topher Grace) "Look at me. I weigh 80 pounds. Do you know why I'm bald? It's because my body is eating its own hair."
  • (Topher Grace) "Donna can't be smarter than me because I'm the man, and that's just the way it is."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Well, I do better on tests than your father, but he's the one brave enough to kill spiders. And since we've been married how many tests have I taken? None. How many spiders have your father killed? Hundreds."
  • (Topher Grace) "But, Mom -- SPIDERS FREAK ME OUT."
  • (Topher Grace) "Extra. Extra. Read all about it."
  • (Danny Masterson) ""Skinny Dillhole Talks Like An Idiot"?"
  • (Topher Grace) "I dunno. If I hit this guy, Donna's just gonna be pissed."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "No, man. Chicks dig that stuff. I mean, Leia, right, she acted like she was mad at Han. But I could tell she liked him."
  • (Danny Masterson) "Kelso, man, what are you, an idiot? Leia likes Luke, I mean she kissed him on that bridge."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Uh. Just for luck."
  • (Topher Grace) "Why does Sully have a statue of the Virgin Mary on his dashboard?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Maybe he's, like, religious."
  • (Danny Masterson) "Didn't Sully get imprisoned for arson?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah. People who burn stuff believe in God too, Hyde."
  • (Danny Masterson) "Why does his key-chain say "I Love Bingo"?"
  • (Wilmer Valderrama) "Sully must love bingo."
  • (Topher Grace) "All right. I'm starting to think this isn't Sully's car."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Then who's car is it?"
  • (Topher Grace) "I got a B."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "You couldn't get an A?"
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Aww honey, don't listen to him. You did super. And Steven, you did super duper."
  • (Topher Grace) "Why does he get a duper?"
  • (Topher Grace) "Laurie was born with a tail."
  • (Laurie Forman) "I hate you."
  • (Topher Grace) "I went to the prom with Big Rhonda ?"
  • (Topher Grace) "Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Son, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you? is because you're a dumbass."
  • (Topher Grace) "Okay, I just want to tell you that this play will be done like always. That means that all of your ideas, while interesting, are stupid."
  • (Topher Grace) "No unicorns."
  • (Topher Grace) "No lifeguards."
  • (Topher Grace) "No wise women."
  • (Topher Grace) "No spacemen. Now, we need the wise men. Anybody got any suggestions."
  • (Topher Grace) "Kelso, I swear to god, if you say "Space Wisemen" I will kick you in the head."
  • (Topher Grace) "Mom, Dad, can Penny and I be alone for a minute?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "No. I'm not raising any flipper grandkids."
  • (Topher Grace) "Hey, dad, um, I was wondering if you could show me, like, a few fighting moves."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Who you planning to fight?"
  • (Topher Grace) "David Milbank."
  • (Don Stark) "David Milbank? He's got scoliosis and asthma."
  • (Don Stark) "You could take him."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Oh, come on now, Eric. Why don't you, uh, beat up Kelso? I don't work for his dad."
  • (Topher Grace) "He's making a move on Donna."
  • (Don Stark) "Oh, no. No. No. Donna's not going near that pretzel boy. No. No. You gotta nip this in the bud, Eric."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "All right. All right. The bridge of the nose is very vulnerable."
  • (Don Stark) "Oh. Oh. And hit him with a banjo."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "A banjo, Bob?"
  • (Don Stark) "What? I'm helping."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Where's he gonna get a banjo?"
  • (Don Stark) "I don't know. But I saw a guy get hit with a banjo once, and he went down."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Hitting a guy with a banjo, is dirty."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "You wanna knee him in the groin."
  • (Don Stark) "You can hit him in the groin with a banjo."
  • (Topher Grace) "Hey, look at her."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Yeah, I made out with her once."
  • (Topher Grace) "I don't want my tongue anywhere near where Kelso's tongue has been."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Oh -- then you better stay away from your mom."
  • (Topher Grace) "I could get a date."
  • (Topher Grace) "I've got numbers, buddy."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Sure you do, honey. You're number one with me."
  • (Topher Grace) "Did Stacey actually use the word 'freak'?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Why don't you just let it go? Maybe the reason girls don't like you, is because you just don't let things go. Stacey was saying just that thing today."
  • (Topher Grace) "What kind of moron leaves the keys in the ignition?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "When I put the keys in my pocket, it distracts from my natural bulge."
  • (Topher Grace) "You know Donna, I'm not surprised you're in my bed. I knew you couldn't resist me any longer."
  • (Laura Prepon) "No I couldn't. I want you. I need you."
  • (Topher Grace) "Well, I never turn down a woman in need."
  • (Laura Prepon) "You know, being here in you bed. On your -- SpiderMan sheets. Makes me feel so Ready, so Willing."
  • (Topher Grace) "Then call me Able."
  • (Topher Grace) "Oh, a little mood music."
  • (Topher Grace) "Damn."
  • (Laura Prepon) "What's wrong?"
  • (Topher Grace) "Aggh."
  • (Topher Grace) "I mean -- hey baby."
  • (Topher Grace) "Hey dad. You coming back inside?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Eric, I love your grandmother very much. I just can't talk to her or spend any time with her."
  • (Topher Grace) "Did I mention that I'm in there rubbing her feet?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Eric, sometimes you got to play through the pain."
  • (Topher Grace) "What?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "I don't know. Just, get back in there."
  • (Topher Grace) "I really want to do it with her."
  • (Laura Prepon) "I don't know if I'm ready to do it with him."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "I know what you mean."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "It's Donna."
  • (Mila Kunis) "I know what you mean."
  • (Mila Kunis) "It's Eric."
  • (Unnamed) "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"
  • (Unnamed) "Nothing."
  • (Topher Grace) "I mean, you and Jackie have done it millions of times, right?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Oh, yeah. We do it all the time."
  • (Laura Prepon) "I mean, you and Kelso have done it millions of times, right?"
  • (Mila Kunis) "No. I let him get to second base once, but that's it."

Debra Jo Rupp as Kitty Forman

  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "How could you bring Fez to the Piggly Wiggly? There's a lot of footloose women in there. Do you know Joyce Ferguson?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "No. That's a lie."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "What?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "What?"
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "What?"
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "What?"
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Ok, I need two people with keen feminine sensibilities to decorate Steven's party -- so it's Jackie -- and Fez."
  • (Wilmer Valderrama) "Yay."
  • (Mila Kunis) "Come on Fez, let's go."
  • (Laura Prepon) "What the hell does she mean? I'm feminine. I oughta kick her ass for that --"
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Oooh, look how cute you are. This is just like when you were 5, and played make believe dinner. Only this time, it won't end by Donna sitting on Eric's face."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "OK."
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Kitty, that was bad."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "I know, keep walking."
  • (Topher Grace) "Oh, good, and I thought this was going to be awkward."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Now Eric's leaving. What am I supposed to do?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Well, there's a car show in Kenosha this weekend."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "A car show? I don't want to go to a goddamn car show in fucking Kenosha. I want 3 more fucking months with my baby boy. I can't do that now because of your bullshit. Way to go, dumbass."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "I have bad news. Midge left Bob."
  • (Topher Grace) "Are you sure? I mean, she could just be lost in the backyard."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Oh, my god. I married the Grinch. I'm Mrs. Grinch."
  • (Ms. McGee) "Good night. I apologize if my being here upset you."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "I just feel that you being seen out with a student, it's just bad principle."
  • (Ashton Kutcher) "Oh, he doesn't care. He's dating a cheerleader."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "How's it going?"
  • (Kurtwood Smith) "Real good. The foreign kid just ate something off the floor."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "I feel like I'm forgetting something --"
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Oh, my God, I forgot your mom."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Eric, you should go with your father."
  • (Topher Grace) "But, mom --"
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "No buts. You two don't spend enough time together."
  • (Topher Grace) "That's because he doesn't like me."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "You're my special little baby boy."
  • (Topher Grace) "Mom. We talked about this. I'm not a boy anymore. I'm a man --"
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Okay -- My special little baby man."
  • (Topher Grace) "You are so lucky that your mom's a runaway alcoholic."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "It's Sodom and Gomorrah with a subway."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Rosemary had a better baby than me."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Red's mother is coming."
  • (Tanya Roberts) "What's that pet name she has for you?"
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Whore."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "G.I. Joe."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Ok. Ok. Let's just keep the game going."
  • (Debra Jo Rupp) "Donna. If you were a shoe, whose shoe would you be?"
  • (Laura Prepon) "Well, I wouldn't want to be Red's shoe because it's about to go into somebody's ass."

Last update: